- 6/2/2025
The Dentist is a 1932 American pre-Code comedy short starring W. C. Fields. The film is one of four shorts Fields made with the "king of comedy," Mack Sennett, at Paramount.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The Newspaper
00:02The Newspaper
00:04The Newspaper
00:06The Newspaper
00:08The Newspaper
00:10The Newspaper
00:12The Newspaper
00:14The Newspaper
00:16Where are my glasses?
00:18They're on your head.
00:20Oh. Yeah. Thanks.
00:22Where's the newspaper?
00:24You're sitting on it.
00:26Oh.
00:28Yes, I am.
00:36A lamb, a kosher, and another baby.
00:40That's your name, isn't it?
00:43Say.
00:45That's a funny one.
00:49Fifty pounds and chop it fine.
00:51Mrs. Uncle Beck, what do you mean, fifty pounds and chop it fine?
00:55Well, I thought you were Arthur.
00:57Who's Arthur?
00:58He's the man I intend to marry.
01:00Oh, don't tell me anything about it. I'm only your father.
01:03I can read in the newspaper. What does he do for a living?
01:05Well, he's the Iceman.
01:07An Iceman?
01:08Yes, he goes to college. He's a Cornell man.
01:10Rhett Grange was an Iceman.
01:12He's still an Iceman as far as I'm concerned.
01:14Put it down there and get out.
01:16Okay.
01:17Go.
01:18And stay.
01:19Now you're so smart, how are you going to get it in my spot?
01:20I'll put it in myself.
01:21Listen.
01:22Don't ever do it.
01:23Back.
01:24Back to me.
01:25Oh.
01:26Oh.
01:27Oh.
01:28Oh.
01:29Oh.
01:30My god.
01:31That's right.
01:32I'm so smart.
01:33That's crazy.
01:34Iмерing myself.
01:35Listen, don't ever give back.
01:36Back.
01:37That's amazing.
01:42Oh.
01:42No, he's not in.
02:09Oh, hello, provisor.
02:13I've been waiting for you.
02:16I'll meet you on the first tee.
02:19Hover you up over.
02:20Okay, Charlie, okay.
02:21I'll be over in a half a take.
02:22Okay, all right, all right.
02:33Did you put the ice in the icebox?
02:35Yeah.
02:36How'd you do it?
02:37Easy.
02:38Where's my golf cart?
02:40In your golf bag.
02:41Yeah, where's the golf cart?
02:43You just fell over it.
02:45Yeah, I'll say that.
02:51Look at that.
02:52Look at that.
02:53Look at that.
02:54Look at that.
02:55Look at that.
02:59I don't know, and all that good old burn.
03:02What's my first appointment this morning?
03:03Miss Pipperton at 10.30.
03:04Oh, I'm just uptown breaking the hole.
03:05Where's my cat?
03:06You never wear any.
03:07Oh, yeah, that's right.
03:08Where's the ice?
03:09In the icebox.
03:10There's just a little piece left.
03:11Now I'll have to get some more.
03:12Yeah, keep that nice man out of here.
03:13I'm going to order a person better.
03:14Well, that's mine.
03:15I don't know.
03:16Oh, no.
03:17Oh, no.
03:18Oh, no.
03:19Oh, no.
03:20Oh, no.
03:21Oh, no.
03:22Oh, no.
03:23Oh, no.
03:24Oh, no.
03:25Oh, no.
03:26Well, that's mine.
03:27Oh, no.
03:28Well, they can't look for it all day.
03:29They've been out at 20 minutes now, and I've got to get back to the office at a half past
03:3310 and I'm going to drop another ball.
03:35Okay, drop another.
03:36It isn't how it's there.
03:37It's right, you're not going to be here.
03:38Oh, no.
03:39Oh, no.
03:40Oh, no.
03:41Oh, no.
03:43Oh, no.
03:44Oh, no.
03:45Oh, no.
03:46Oh, no.
03:47Oh, no.
03:49Oh, no.
03:50Oh, no.
03:51Oh, no.
03:52Oh, no.
03:53Oh, no.
03:54Oh, no.
03:55Oh, no.
03:56Neither of you, gentlemen, I can tell you where the ball is.
04:00Where?
04:01Under the vacancies.
04:06Thanks.
04:09If it isn't them four, the other one of us may have been looking for the ball.
04:12Twenty minutes.
04:16Fella!
04:17I'd wait a minute. They're still in the green.
04:19Hold on, get out of the way!
04:26This is certainly a great game for your health.
04:56A ball lying in a sprinkler connection may be dropped without penalty, no near the hole.
05:13Get those teeth out of that field. I'll write my line.
05:15Two.
05:25You can't do that!
05:26What do you mean I can't do it? Read the card!
05:28You had drums in the...
05:29What?
05:30Don't...
05:31You had two...
05:32Don't quibble! Don't quibble! Don't quibble! Don't quibble!
05:34Don't quibble! Don't quibble!
05:37Snappy little hole, don't you think so?
05:38Yes, it is.
05:39Turn to Marcy Niblick.
05:42Marcy Niblick!
05:43Marcy Niblick!
05:44Oh.
05:45All right.
05:46Power!
05:47Power!
05:48Power!
05:51What do you think they're having a basket party over there?
05:59Look at those ducks.
06:00How are they going to blow down for that kind of thing?
06:13Don't stand there!
06:14Stand over there!
06:15Don't stand there!
06:16Stand over there!
06:17Don't stand there!
06:18Stand over there!
06:23Those ducks have drawn me off.
06:24All the way again.
06:26Don't stand behind me when I'm shooting!
06:27You told me to stand over there, sir!
06:28Never mind where I told you to stand!
06:29You stand where I tell you!
06:31That kid's so dumb he doesn't know what time it is!
06:32By the way, what time is it?
06:33I don't know!
06:3410-15!
06:35Shut up, will ya?
06:36Now, stand for it.
06:37Keep your eye on the ball.
06:38Don't stand behind me!
06:39Don't stand behind me when I'm shooting!
06:41You told me to stand over there, sir!
06:43Never mind where I told you to stand!
06:44You stand where I tell ya!
06:49That kid's so dumb he doesn't know what time it is!
06:52By the way, what time is it?
06:53I don't know,
06:5410-15!
06:56Shut up, will ya?
06:57with her. Now stand for it and keep my eye on the ball. Oh, Wade, you can't do that. What
07:17ain't I trying to do, will I? I can do anything I want to do. Take this golf courses. Hello,
07:35Joe. Hiya, Doc. How about a little golf? I just threw my clubs away. What, again? Hey,
07:41the funniest thing happened. I'm taking my second stroke. I've beaten an old piece
07:46on the sconce with my ball, right near the green, was headed for the pin. The ball rolls
07:51back into a water connection. I pick it up, drop it over my shoulder. It dribbles down
07:57into the hole. I'm down in two. Well, uh... What do you mean, well? They gave me the same
08:02argument. I'm down in two. Look at the back of the car. They wanted me to do it over again
08:07after I had a fine drop. All right. Well, I... Oh, my. Good night, Joe. Where's the salt?
08:15It's in your hand. Hello? Oh. How about tomorrow, Doc? Oh, what time? Oh, about. No, I won't
08:32be able to go. Why not? I'm going duck shooting. Well, I don't know. Bad boy, you should have
08:37been there. I took this mashing neveling. I took the straight shot to the pen. It
08:44dinged this old geezer. Down into the water connection it goes. Coming back. Oh! What a
08:49hell on earth. Drops into the water connection. I pick it up and drop it over my shoulder and
08:57down into the hole it goes. And I'll give you a ring tomorrow, Doc. Okay. Well, they've learned
09:02Well, they've burned up.
09:04He's going to fried eggs on the back of his neck.
09:07Back away.
09:12How do you know?
09:14Will you sit down?
09:17Put it in here, please.
09:22You won't hurt my legs, will you?
09:26My doctor says I have a very bad leg.
09:29Your doctor is off his nut.
09:34I don't believe in doctors anyway.
09:36There's a doctor who lives right down the street here.
09:38Treated a man for yellow jaunders for nine years.
09:41Then found out he was a chap.
09:43You know, a little dog bit me the other day.
09:45Dr. Kulichau.
09:46He bit me right here.
09:48Dog bit you?
09:49Yes.
09:50He was a little bash hound.
09:51Oh, yeah.
09:52He was a little tiny dog.
09:53And he came right up behind me and bit me right like that.
09:56And I was standing with my back to him.
09:58And here he was, this little dog that bit me right here.
10:02You're rather fortunate it wasn't a Newfoundland dog that bit you.
10:06You sit down.
10:09Will I use gas?
10:11Well, gas or electric lights.
10:13I'd feel nervous to have you fool around me and me die.
10:15Come on, it isn't going to hurt now.
10:34I just want to look in there.
10:36It's not going to hurt.
11:02Come on, come on, come on.
11:03Come on, come on now.
11:13I'll try not to be so cruel this time.
11:16Come on, come on.
11:19Oh, doctor.
11:20I can't let you do that again.
11:22Tell her I'm out.
11:35But, doctor, she has a three o'clock appointment.
11:37I wouldn't care if she had a four o'clock appointment.
11:41And by when I was in Darjeeling, oh, it was Tiger's other one.
11:46What?
11:48Tell her I'm out.
11:49Don't go on out there and tell her I'm out.
11:56Let her go.
11:57Look at her.
11:58We've been waiting for you.
12:01Sit down.
12:06When I tell you to go out and tell one of these palookas that I'm out,
12:11go out and tell him I'm out.
12:13Don't have those buzzers walk in on me.
12:16I don't want to see him.
12:17I don't want to see him.
12:19I don't want to see him.
12:20I don't want to see him.
12:24Look at me.
12:25I'm away.
12:26Go out.
12:27You've just come in for the line?
12:53Haven't I seen your face somewhere before?
12:55Well, probably you've seen me at the horse show.
12:58Jockey?
12:59Spur.
13:00Hmm.
13:01Oh, yeah.
13:03Can you open your mouth?
13:05Uh, come on now. You've got a bigger mouth than that opener.
13:10Hmm.
13:13Oh, beautiful.
13:16Hmm.
13:17Hand me that, uh, 404 circular buzz saw, would I?
13:23Hmm.
13:26Dropping, dropping, dropping, dropping.
13:31Is that a fall of four conicals in me?
13:35Oh.
13:36Oh.
13:37Oh.
13:38Oh.
13:39Oh.
13:40Oh, that didn't hurt, did it?
13:45Oh.
13:46Oh.
13:47Oh.
13:48Oh.
13:49Oh.
13:50Oh.
13:51Oh.
13:52Oh.
13:53Oh.
13:54Oh.
13:55Oh.
13:56Oh.
13:57Oh, that didn't hurt, did it?
13:59Oh.
14:00Oh.
14:01Oh.
14:02I know it wouldn't hurt you.
14:04Here, give me that packing, please.
14:15Put that in there, just stop it in there.
14:19Pardon me for just a moment.
14:23You wouldn't let Arthur come here to see me,
14:26so I'm going to see him.
14:32Excuse me a moment, folks.
14:42Stay in there.
14:43Now.
14:44What do you think of that?
14:58Keep you waiting?
15:02You should have mouthed there.
15:05Don't you have a good sense at the moment there.
15:09Are your lines busy?
15:11Oh, boy.
15:13Oh, boy.
15:14You could do something.
15:17I don't know.
15:18You could do something.
15:21I'm sorry.
15:22I'm sorry.
15:23I should be wanting someone.
15:24Did I find you?
15:25You could do something.
15:26This is what, see you in the field.
15:27I want to be looking at an island.
15:30I think you may not be waiting for any of you.
15:31I think there's no hope.
15:32I can do anything about it.
15:33Oh, boy.
15:34I can do anything about it.
15:35I can do anything about it.
15:36Why, it came out easily, didn't it?
15:54Yes, it did.
15:55Yes, it did.
15:56It was a surprise to me.
15:59Oh, excuse me, just...
16:12Open that door!
16:13I can't.
16:14You locked me in.
16:15Where's the key?
16:16In your pocket.
16:17What's that?
16:29I think downstairs.
16:39Any places?
16:40Miss Minky.
16:41Well?
16:42Oh, oh, that's...
16:44Have you ever had this tooth pulled before?
17:00No!
17:01This won't hurt you...
17:03much.
17:04No.
17:05No.
17:06No.
17:07No.
17:08No.
17:09No.
17:10No.
17:11No.
17:12No.
17:13No.
17:14Because you're there.
17:16Oh, my God.
17:18But you're doing it, oh!
17:20Oh, my God.
17:20Oh!
17:21Oh!
17:22Oh!
17:23Oh!
17:24Oh!
17:25Oh!
17:26Oh!
17:28Oh!
17:31Oh!
17:34Oh!
17:34Oh!
17:36Oh!
17:39Yes!
17:40Oh!
17:41Oh!
17:42Oh!
17:43Oh!
17:43I'm going to give her gas.
17:55You're not going to pull me out on the floor.
18:03Hey, Max.
18:05Would you like a drink?
18:08What is it?
18:10Water.
18:11No, thanks.
18:13Stop.
18:18Well, it won't be long now.
18:26That female Russell gone?
18:29Yes, she's gone.
18:30Is he standing in a hole?
18:44No.
18:45He's just a little fella.
18:47Hmm.
18:48Send him in.
18:49I'll fix him.
18:51This way, please.
18:52How do you do?
19:00How's everything over Moscow?
19:02Got two strikes on the boys.
19:04Any of you surviving?
19:10I can't find his mouth.
19:29Hand me that stethoscope, will you?
19:31Thanks.
19:32Will you say, ah, please?
19:34Ah.
19:35A bean?
19:36Ah.
19:37Again?
19:38Ah.
19:39I almost had it.
19:40Did you hear it again?
19:41Ah.
19:42Ah.
19:43Ah.
19:44Ah.
19:45Ah.
19:46Ah.
19:47Ah.
19:48Ah.
19:49Ah.
19:50Ah.
19:51Ah.
19:52Ah.
19:53Ah.
19:54Ah.
19:55Ah.
19:56Ah.
19:57Ah.
19:58Ah.
19:59Ah.
20:00Ah.
20:01Ah.
20:02Ah.
20:03Ah.
20:04Ah.
20:05Ah.
20:06Ah.
20:07Ah.
20:08Ah.
20:09Ah.
20:10Ah.
20:11Ah.
20:12Ah.
20:13Ah.
20:14Ah.
20:15Ah.
20:16Ah.
20:17Ah.
20:18Ah.
20:19Ah.
20:20Ah.
20:21Ah.
20:22Ah.
20:23Ah.
20:24Doctor, your daughter is going out with the Iceman.
20:34Don't be silly.
20:35You've got to lock in the room.
20:36But they're using a ladder.
20:40Where do you think you're going?
20:42That's him.
20:43Oh, you're the guy that hit my pot in the head.
20:45Yeah, if you want to make anything out of it.
20:48I'd like to see you do that again.
20:50Is it necessary for him to do it again?
20:52No, it doesn't.
20:54Father, you're not really going to buy a picture there, are you?
21:02Fifty pounds will make it snappy.
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