#romance #love#gay#lgbtq#bl#film#movie#boyslove#tv#webserie#lgbtq
Categoria
🎥
CortometraggiTrascrizione
00:00:00Grazie a tutti
00:00:30Grazie a tutti
00:01:00Grazie a tutti
00:01:30Grazie a tutti
00:02:00Hey Dallas
00:02:01Did you see the email?
00:02:03Yeah, I just read it
00:02:05I can't believe we're just now hearing about this
00:02:07Well, you gotta love our clients
00:02:10I guess that means we're all working late tonight
00:02:13No, Mitch, there's no need for you to stay over
00:02:16I can handle it
00:02:17You go home
00:02:18Are you sure?
00:02:21Get out of here before I change my mind
00:02:23I can just go over the presentation with you in the morning before the client gets here
00:02:27I love you, boss
00:02:28Go on
00:02:29Austin, I said Manhattan up, this is on the rocks
00:02:57Sorry
00:02:58Are you sure you're okay?
00:02:59You really don't seem to be very focused
00:03:01I don't know
00:03:03I'm not in a great mood tonight
00:03:05I just feel depressed all the time
00:03:10Tell mama
00:03:11It's just the same old thing every day
00:03:13My life is going nowhere, I'm going nowhere
00:03:16I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel
00:03:19What about moving to a new apartment?
00:03:22I mean, you're right, your place is depressing
00:03:23I can't afford a new place
00:03:25I can barely pay rent on the one I got now
00:03:26But you make good money here
00:03:28Don't tell me you don't
00:03:29I see you shaking your little money maker over there
00:03:32Getting your tip jar overflowing
00:03:33What are you spending it on?
00:03:36Rent, gym, student loans, credit card bills
00:03:39Oh, let's not forget my most recent expense
00:03:42The entry fee for the upcoming Miss Glam Diva contest
00:03:45That alone was 350 bucks
00:03:48Oh, that's right
00:03:49I almost forgot about that
00:03:50That's tomorrow night
00:03:52What's the prize for first place this year?
00:03:55Five thousand dollars
00:03:56Five thousand dollars?
00:03:58There you go
00:03:59That's it to get out of here
00:04:01When that and your troubles are over
00:04:02Then that's easier said than done
00:04:05You must be forgetting
00:04:06I'm the one who has entered that contest
00:04:08For three years straight now
00:04:09Oh, that word
00:04:10I'm sorry, three years in a row now
00:04:12Thank you very much
00:04:13And I've yet to even place
00:04:14Not runner-up
00:04:14Not honorable mention
00:04:16Not even a Miss Congeniality
00:04:17But you have me this year
00:04:19We're going shopping
00:04:21We'll get you a whole new look
00:04:23You'll look fierce
00:04:25What's the drag name you're going to go by this year?
00:04:27Same one I use every year
00:04:28Helen Blazes
00:04:29Uh, no
00:04:32Honey
00:04:33We have to change that too
00:04:34What's wrong with Helen Blazes?
00:04:36That's a great drag name
00:04:37This is from a man whose own parents
00:04:39Named their two sons after Citizen Texas
00:04:41Dallas and Austin
00:04:43So, what do you know about good names?
00:04:45Like what?
00:04:45What do you think is a good name?
00:04:46Virginia Ham
00:04:48Kitty Litter
00:04:49Anita Martini
00:04:51Marijuana
00:04:52Chandelier
00:04:53Helen Blazes
00:04:56Helen Blazes
00:04:57Uh, no
00:04:58No way
00:04:59I'm sticking to the name
00:05:00I've used it in the past
00:05:01And I'm using it again
00:05:03I have a following
00:05:03Oh, you have a following
00:05:05Okay
00:05:06Helen
00:05:07Okay
00:05:07But we've got to get you a new ensemble to wear
00:05:10And that takes money
00:05:12Money I don't have
00:05:13What about your brother Dallas?
00:05:15He's doing well
00:05:16He can help out
00:05:17Are you kidding me?
00:05:19I already owe him money from the last couple of times I asked him for help
00:05:23He's not gonna help me again
00:05:24Well, it doesn't hurt to ask
00:05:26We need to get you a new outfit for the contest
00:05:28Don't you want to win?
00:05:29Uh, no
00:05:32You are not snapping your fingers at me
00:05:35I think they want their drinks
00:05:38Oh, you think?
00:05:40Snapping your fingers is not gonna get me to come over there any faster
00:05:44Oh yeah?
00:05:44What will?
00:05:45Talk to my left, honey
00:05:46Because you ain't right
00:05:48This conversation is not over
00:05:51I'll be right back
00:05:52In the meantime, call your damn brother
00:05:55What the hell?
00:06:17Hello, Austin
00:06:18Look, I can't talk a lot right now
00:06:22I'm here at the office
00:06:23Yeah, I gotta work late
00:06:27Now, it's a big project
00:06:29An ad campaign that I have to finish for a presentation tomorrow
00:06:32I'm trying to get it done and get out of here
00:06:34So keep it short
00:06:35Well, maybe I can help
00:06:38Is it a fashion ad, underwear ad, swimwear campaign?
00:06:43Now, what would you know about fashion?
00:06:45Oh, come on, I'm gay
00:06:47It's what my people do
00:06:48We are born with a natural ability to accessorize and beautify
00:06:52It's kind of like your natural ability to fix a car engine or scratch your balls
00:06:57I don't know how to fix a car engine
00:07:01And leave my balls out of the conversation, okay?
00:07:04But you, fashion, style, come on
00:07:07You wouldn't know how to lay out a fashion ad if your life depended on it
00:07:11Hell, I've seen how you dress
00:07:12It's just funny
00:07:16You should mention dress and fashion
00:07:19It's kind of the reason I called
00:07:22Why would you call me about that?
00:07:26I need you to do me a favor
00:07:29Which translates into
00:07:31I need you to loan me some money
00:07:33Which translates into
00:07:34Again
00:07:35Which translates into
00:07:36It's really not a loan
00:07:37Because I will never pay you back
00:07:39Am I right?
00:07:40No, I will pay you back this time
00:07:42I promise
00:07:43What is it for?
00:07:46What is it for?
00:07:47What's it for?
00:07:48It's for
00:07:49It's for a new gown
00:07:54What?
00:07:55Are you fucking kidding me?
00:07:57That's important?
00:07:58You don't understand
00:08:02I entered the Miss Glam Diva contest
00:08:04Tomorrow night and I have to win
00:08:05And the first prize is $5,000
00:08:06I need that money to pay you back
00:08:07And I'm waiting to the last minute to get ready
00:08:09And if you don't help me out
00:08:10There's no way I'm gonna win
00:08:12Hello?
00:08:16I do not believe that you are asking me for money
00:08:20So that you can buy a dress
00:08:22Okay, a gown, whatever
00:08:25You're really something
00:08:27You're a piece of work
00:08:28No, but this is an emergency
00:08:31I want to win that contest
00:08:32Do you know how many times I've tried?
00:08:36Of course you wouldn't
00:08:37You've never come to one of my shows
00:08:41Or one of my fundraisers
00:08:43Or one of my events
00:08:44Or anything that I've ever been proud
00:08:45To be part of, huh?
00:08:47God, here we go again
00:08:49God, you sound just like my wife
00:08:51Austin, I really don't have time for this
00:08:56I've got to get back to work
00:08:57And home to Caitlin
00:08:57She's been acting weird tonight, too
00:09:00Something's up with her
00:09:01Please, please, please
00:09:03Just loan me the money
00:09:05Just this one more time
00:09:06And I will never ask you again
00:09:07No, that's it
00:09:09I swear to you
00:09:10This is the last favor ever
00:09:12You said you would do anything for me, right?
00:09:16Well, please do this for me
00:09:17Please
00:09:19No, goodbye, brother
00:09:21Hello
00:09:26Hello
00:09:27Good news, I take you?
00:09:31I love my brother
00:09:32But sometimes he just makes me so mad
00:09:34You know, he doesn't get it
00:09:35He doesn't understand what's important in life
00:09:38All our lives as we were growing up
00:09:39Everything came so easy to Dallas
00:09:42Everything he touched
00:09:43Turned to gold
00:09:44Oh, stop
00:09:45You're breaking my heart
00:09:47Like your life has been so bad
00:09:49Well, not tonight
00:09:49I'm sick of being alone
00:09:52If I can't get the money, then screw it
00:09:54I might as well go out and have a good time
00:09:57Uh-oh
00:09:58There's a whole world of men out there
00:10:02Who would be happy to be with me
00:10:03It's like a whole big forest of men
00:10:06And I'm ready with my axe
00:10:08To chop down the first treat I see, baby
00:10:10All of this because your brother said no to a lot
00:10:13No, screw my brother
00:10:14Okay
00:10:14I'll screw him
00:10:16I've seen him, he's hot
00:10:16And if he doesn't understand me
00:10:18Then might as well go out
00:10:20And have the crazy life he's always thought I had
00:10:22He thinks being gay means I have sex all the time
00:10:26We don't have to deal with women and their emotions and needs
00:10:30He thinks I have no worries, no serious problems
00:10:32He thinks I have a great life
00:10:35You're starting to scare me
00:10:37Jackie
00:10:38I'll see you in the morning
00:10:40But if my apartment is a-rockin'
00:10:42Then don't come a-knockin'
00:10:43I'm headed home early
00:10:46I'll leave your tab open if you want
00:10:48Jackie, we'll take care of you if you need anything else
00:10:50No, that's okay
00:10:52You can close me out
00:10:53How much do I owe you?
00:10:54The same as last night
00:10:55The same as last week
00:10:57The same as last month
00:10:59You always come in here
00:11:00You always have one drink
00:11:02It is always the same drink
00:11:03And it always costs the same
00:11:04Oh, wow, did I just say that?
00:11:08I'm-I'm sorry
00:11:10It's quite all right
00:11:11I know you're having a hard time
00:11:13I couldn't help but overhear some of your troubles on the phone
00:11:16Well, that's life
00:11:18Or should I say, well, that's my life
00:11:21My brother has no clue how lucky he is
00:11:24Too bad
00:11:25Maybe I can help you
00:11:27Oh, are you my knight in shining armor?
00:11:30Are you gonna pay for my dad?
00:11:32No, I wish I could
00:11:33But I might have something that could help you
00:11:36This has always brought me good luck
00:11:39Maybe it'll do the same for you
00:11:42That's the first time you left me a tip
00:12:01Maybe my luck is changing
00:12:04So sorry I'm so late
00:12:24It doesn't matter, you're home now
00:12:27You wouldn't believe the work I've had to put in
00:12:29And get this presentation ready for tomorrow
00:12:31I thought I was thinking when I told Mitch he could go home
00:12:34That's nice, sweetie
00:12:35I mean, I don't know how much help he could have been
00:12:37I'm the one who's really doing all the work
00:12:39And I'm the one the client likes
00:12:41Sweetie, I-
00:12:42I mean, the client only deals with me
00:12:44But that may change tomorrow
00:12:45He's really been disappointed
00:12:47Dallas, stop
00:12:48I'm sorry, honey
00:12:51I'm just really tired
00:12:52I think I'm gonna go downstairs and have a drink and unwind
00:12:56Maybe a hot shower
00:12:58Can you hang on for just one minute?
00:13:00I've been waiting up all night for you to get home
00:13:02I just need to talk to you about something
00:13:03Caitlin, I'm so tired right now
00:13:06Can it wait?
00:13:08Whatever it is you want to do is fine with me
00:13:10I'm sure you can handle whatever it is on your own
00:13:14You've always had that special magic
00:13:15Um, actually, for this magic trick
00:13:19I'm going to need my beautiful assistant
00:13:21What are you talking about?
00:13:26Well, according to Dr. Bales, my obstetrician
00:13:31Tomorrow night is the perfect night for us to conceive
00:13:33I'm my most fertile
00:13:35Wow, are you sure?
00:13:37Well, I'm not, but Dr. Bales is
00:13:38Well, I'd much rather deal with you than Dr. Bales
00:13:41So this is it
00:13:44We're gonna have a baby
00:13:46Finally
00:13:47Caitlin
00:13:50What?
00:13:53Don't get too excited
00:13:54I don't want you to get your hopes up if it doesn't work
00:13:57You know, this will be the third time to try
00:14:00And third time's a charm
00:14:02I just want to make sure that you're prepared for three strikes are out
00:14:06I can't believe you're saying this
00:14:09It's gonna work this time
00:14:11I can feel it
00:14:12Yes, I'm sure you feel confident
00:14:14But you were so confident last time
00:14:15And the time before
00:14:16I just don't want to see you get depressed again like last time
00:14:20I just don't want to see you that way
00:14:22Stop
00:14:23Stop talking about the other times
00:14:25This will work
00:14:26But if it doesn't work, Dr. Bales mentioned some other options last time
00:14:30That we may want to consider
00:14:31It could be me
00:14:33Maybe we just weren't meant to
00:14:37Stop it
00:14:38Stop it
00:14:39Don't talk like that
00:14:40It will work
00:14:42If you keep talking about it, you'll jinx it
00:14:46I don't want to hear about other times or other options
00:14:49This will work
00:14:51It will work
00:14:53Of course it will
00:14:54Of course it will
00:14:55Please, let's just not talk about it
00:14:58Tomorrow night
00:15:00It'll be great
00:15:02Talking about it will only jinx it
00:15:05Okay, we won't talk about it
00:15:07Jinx it
00:15:08I will jinx it
00:15:14You sure we don't have it until tomorrow night?
00:15:21Yes
00:15:22Cool your jets, Tiger
00:15:24Save it up for tomorrow night
00:15:27Not even a sample?
00:15:29No, tomorrow night
00:15:30Alright, well
00:15:33I'm going to go downstairs and have that drink
00:15:35And take a long hot shower
00:15:36Looks like I'll need it
00:15:37Since it's only going to be sleeping time for me tonight
00:15:40Right?
00:15:41You want anything?
00:15:42No, I'm fine
00:15:44Just save your strength for tomorrow night
00:16:12I need a break
00:16:25I need a break
00:16:25You want a cigarette?
00:16:50You got one?
00:16:51No, I don't smoke
00:16:57Then why did you offer?
00:17:02Just
00:17:02Just trying to be helpful
00:17:04Is there something I could do to help?
00:17:18No, I'm fine
00:17:19Just give me a moment
00:17:19You want me to get on top?
00:17:32What?
00:17:34Hell no
00:17:35I'm no fucking bottom
00:17:36I'm just trying to be helpful
00:17:39I was there that night
00:17:50You did a great job
00:17:55You should have won
00:17:57Thanks
00:18:01You look really hot up there on stage
00:18:07You look really hot up there on stage
00:18:07Okay
00:18:13I have a confession to make
00:18:22You want me to put on my pretty selfie?
00:18:29Would that get you hot?
00:18:34Ever since I saw you that night
00:18:35I've been trying to track you down
00:18:38Should I be worried?
00:18:43I wasn't sure what you looked like out of drag
00:18:48So
00:18:48I asked around and
00:18:52Someone told me that you worked at Shelby's
00:18:55So I went in there a couple of times
00:18:58And saw you working behind the bar
00:18:59I don't remember seeing you there
00:19:03I didn't sit at the bar
00:19:06I sat at a table
00:19:08I was too nervous to say hi to you
00:19:12Now, now
00:19:15Shyness is not an attractive feature for you
00:19:19Wow
00:19:20I think this is a first
00:19:22I've never had my very own stalker
00:19:24I was worried that you were with that waiter
00:19:27You know, the one you're always
00:19:29Talking to and laughing with
00:19:31Who?
00:19:34Jackie?
00:19:36No, we're close
00:19:37But
00:19:38Not that close
00:19:39No
00:19:40We're more like sisters
00:19:43And I could never find my sister attractive
00:19:46But lord help the mister
00:19:49Who comes between me and my sister
00:19:51I couldn't imagine my luck tonight
00:19:59You walked into the white swallow
00:20:01I was ready to leave
00:20:04And
00:20:04And you came in
00:20:07There you were
00:20:11You're all alone
00:20:13Couldn't believe it was you
00:20:16I was ready to rape you right then and there
00:20:21I just
00:20:23Well, I'm ready to go again
00:20:28What are you doing?
00:20:46What are you looking at?
00:20:47Nothing
00:20:48Austin?
00:20:57Yes?
00:20:59Will you do something for me?
00:21:02Anything
00:21:02I'll do anything
00:21:03Will you put the wig on for me?
00:21:10What?
00:21:12What?
00:21:13Just for a second
00:21:13Are you fucking kidding me?
00:21:16Come on
00:21:17Please
00:21:18I'm so close
00:21:19Oh my god
00:21:20Get out
00:21:21Get out
00:21:24What the fuck's your problem?
00:21:38My problem?
00:21:39What's my problem?
00:21:40Well, I thought you found me attractive
00:21:43I thought you wanted to make out with me
00:21:45I thought you wanted to be with me
00:21:47I did
00:21:48I do
00:21:50No, you don't
00:21:52You didn't want to be with me
00:21:53You wanted to be with Helen Blazes
00:21:54You thought she would be here
00:21:55That's not it exactly
00:21:58I thought you were cute
00:22:00I wanted to get to know you
00:22:02You wanted to get to know me
00:22:04You wanted to get to know me
00:22:05Yeah
00:22:06So
00:22:07Should I put this on
00:22:09So you can get to know me?
00:22:11Would that make you hot?
00:22:12Would that turn you on?
00:22:13Would that make you finally shoot your load?
00:22:15Would you do that for me?
00:22:17Get out
00:22:19Go find some chick with a dick
00:22:21Because there's not one to be found here
00:22:23Maybe then you can finally get off
00:22:25Because obviously you have some problems in that department
00:22:28Fuck you
00:22:30I don't need you analyzing me
00:22:33I have no problem getting off
00:22:36The problem is you
00:22:38Right?
00:22:39You're one fucked up individual
00:22:41I'm sorry
00:22:44Don't go
00:22:45I don't want to be alone tonight
00:22:48No, you need to be alone tonight
00:22:51I don't like whoever you are
00:22:54Don't go
00:22:56Please
00:22:57Please stay
00:23:05If Ellen comes to town
00:23:07Have her give me a call
00:23:08Okay?
00:23:09Because
00:23:10Whoever you are
00:23:12Me no like
00:23:14But there is no Helen
00:23:17There's only me
00:23:19Only me
00:23:23Only me
00:23:30Only me
00:23:31Sì, ragazzi, mi sono qua.
00:24:01Austin?
00:24:03Hey, it's Caitlin.
00:24:05How are you?
00:24:07Are you okay?
00:24:09Dallas is just sitting out of the shower.
00:24:13It'll be a minute.
00:24:15Can you hang on?
00:24:17Oh, I'm fine.
00:24:19When are we going to see you again?
00:24:21It's been too long.
00:24:23Sounds upset.
00:24:25Austin?
00:24:27Dallas just got out of the shower.
00:24:29Hey, what's up with the two calls in one night?
00:24:37Dallas, would you do me a favor?
00:24:41Would you and Caitlin come see my competition?
00:24:45I know you're not really comfortable with that sort of thing,
00:24:47but it would mean a lot to me.
00:24:49Wow.
00:24:51Um...
00:24:53Never mind. No, forget it.
00:24:55No, I didn't think you would accept,
00:24:57but I thought I would just ask.
00:24:59I mean, it would mean a lot to me, but
00:25:01I get it. I understand.
00:25:03It's asking too much.
00:25:05Now wait a minute. I didn't say no.
00:25:07I just have to think about it.
00:25:09When is it?
00:25:11Wait, really?
00:25:13You would come Dallas? That would mean so much to me.
00:25:15You would really do that for me?
00:25:17Are you sure you're okay with it? Are you sure?
00:25:21Sure.
00:25:23If it means that much to you, Caitlin and I would love to come see you in your show.
00:25:25When is it?
00:25:27Tomorrow night?
00:25:29No.
00:25:31Oh, uh, yeah.
00:25:33Tomorrow night. I'm not sure what we have planned.
00:25:35You can't do anything tomorrow night.
00:25:37You're with me making a baby.
00:25:39You have to tell him no.
00:25:41Okay, okay, I'll tell him.
00:25:43I'm sure he'll understand if I just explain to him what's going on with us.
00:25:47No, you promised me not to tell anyone.
00:25:49We weren't going to talk about it. It's between us.
00:25:51Not even my brother?
00:25:53No, you'll jinx it.
00:25:57But this is my brother.
00:25:59I can tell him what's going on, can't I?
00:26:01No, please promise me.
00:26:05Hey, um, Austin?
00:26:07Yeah, I can't come to your show.
00:26:09I'm sorry, Caitlin just reminded me that we have plans.
00:26:13What?
00:26:17Just like that?
00:26:19Suddenly you, you, you have plans?
00:26:23Is that really it?
00:26:25Is it plans or is it just cold feet?
00:26:28Cold feet? What is that supposed to mean?
00:26:30I told you we have plans.
00:26:34No, I don't have a problem with going to some event of yours.
00:26:37You know that.
00:26:38I would do anything for you.
00:26:39I just can't come to your show.
00:26:41Don't worry about it.
00:26:45You'd do anything for me. Really.
00:26:49Wow.
00:26:52What a joke.
00:26:54You know, I don't need you there.
00:26:56I don't need your money.
00:26:57I don't need your support.
00:26:58I don't need anybody.
00:27:00Okay? I can do this all on my own.
00:27:02Hello?
00:27:08Hello?
00:27:09Hello?
00:27:10That went well.
00:27:12Sorry, but thank you.
00:27:16It means a lot to me.
00:27:18This meant a lot to Austin.
00:27:20Now he thinks I have a problem with him being gay.
00:27:22Honey.
00:27:25Yeah?
00:27:27I've never asked you this before.
00:27:29Do you?
00:27:31Do I what?
00:27:33Do you have a problem with Austin being gay?
00:27:37Do you mean do I care that my only sibling runs around dressing up like a woman part-time and sleeping with men full-time?
00:27:43No, I'm thrilled.
00:27:46So you have a problem?
00:27:48What guy wants to have a gay brother?
00:27:51I mean, I didn't wish it.
00:27:53When mom and dad presented me with a baby brother, I didn't look down at the baby and go,
00:27:56Oh boy, I hope he turns out to be gay.
00:27:59But I accepted it.
00:28:00I learned to accept it.
00:28:02So, do you wish he were straight?
00:28:05Yeah.
00:28:06No.
00:28:08I don't know.
00:28:09He is what he is.
00:28:10I don't want to talk about it.
00:28:14Honey, I'm sorry.
00:28:17Thank you for keeping our secret.
00:28:19I love you so much.
00:28:24Save it for tomorrow night.
00:28:27I want your little soldiers well rested and ready for action.
00:28:32I think I'm going to go take another shower.
00:28:34This time a cold one.
00:28:36Come in.
00:29:04Come in.
00:29:07Hey.
00:29:09Hey.
00:29:11Don't tell me you're just getting up.
00:29:14Look, I'm almost ready.
00:29:16So, did you have a nice night last night?
00:29:20Don't see any used condoms on the floor.
00:29:23Did you play safe or did you not play at all?
00:29:26Listen, I don't want to talk about it.
00:29:27I don't want to talk about it.
00:29:29How was the bar after I left?
00:29:31Oh, we're quieting down.
00:29:35You didn't miss a thing.
00:29:37What should we start with first?
00:29:39Start with what?
00:29:40Shopping?
00:29:41Shopping?
00:29:42Come on.
00:29:43We have to get going.
00:29:44We're going to find you the right outfit for tonight.
00:29:45Shit.
00:29:46I totally forgot that was tonight.
00:29:47Hang on.
00:29:49Damn it.
00:29:51I don't have any cash.
00:29:52My credit cards are all maxed out.
00:29:55Can you loan me?
00:29:56Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
00:29:59Besides, you stopped and paid me back for last time.
00:30:01When did I ever put the bite on you?
00:30:03Honey, you've bitten me so many times.
00:30:06I should be sleeping in a coffin during the day.
00:30:09Wait.
00:30:10I know where I can get some money.
00:30:11I left the tip jar down at the bar last night.
00:30:13It should still be there.
00:30:15That is, unless you touched it.
00:30:20Would I steal from my sister?
00:30:23Never.
00:30:24I promise.
00:30:26Well, let's get down there before somebody realizes that I left it there.
00:30:47This place smells like a sweaty man's locker room.
00:30:49Do they ever clean it?
00:30:51No.
00:30:52Don't start getting all turned on.
00:30:54We have work to do.
00:30:56I'm going to go tinkle.
00:30:57I'll be right back.
00:30:58Don't forget to put the toilet seat down before you sit.
00:31:01Oh my god.
00:31:02You are so funny.
00:31:03I am.
00:31:04I am.
00:31:05to light a��ок.
00:31:06Don't forget to do that.
00:31:07Bye.
00:31:16This is the only torture with me.
00:31:20Thank you, oh no.
00:31:22I am.
00:31:23Come on close.
00:31:24Damn it.
00:31:34He's always had everything so damn easy.
00:31:36He has no idea what it's like
00:31:38to struggle and get nowhere.
00:31:40He has no idea.
00:31:44What is this problem?
00:31:46Why is he being so needy?
00:31:48Does he know how complicated my life is?
00:31:51I wish he could just see what it's like
00:31:52to be me for one day.
00:31:54He has no clue about my life.
00:31:57You know, he should be me for a day.
00:32:24Honey?
00:32:26Are you alright?
00:32:27Are you okay?
00:32:31Are you okay?
00:32:35Oh, oh, are you okay?
00:32:38Let me get you some water.
00:32:40Let me get you some water.
00:32:45Good morning, Dallas.
00:32:46Great job on these layouts.
00:32:48The client's gonna love it.
00:32:49We're all set for the one o'clock presentation.
00:32:51I took the liberty of calling his assistant to confirm the time.
00:32:52I'll let you know when I hear better.
00:32:53I'll let you know.
00:32:54He's okay.
00:32:55Tu ok? Oh, oh, tu ok?
00:33:02Let me get you some water.
00:33:09Good morning, Dallas.
00:33:13Great job on these layouts. The client's going to love it.
00:33:16We're all set for the one o'clock presentation.
00:33:18I took the liberty of calling his assistant to confirm the time.
00:33:21I'll let you know when I hear back, but we should be all set.
00:33:25What?
00:33:27Wow, you look terrible. You must have really pulled an all-nighter.
00:33:31I'll go and get you some coffee.
00:33:32Coffee? No, I...
00:33:34Alright, suit yourself. But you could really use an energy drink or a power bar or something.
00:33:39You pull yourself together. I'll get going on the final spreadsheets and then we should be set.
00:33:43Maybe you should put your head down on your desk and try to get a couple of winks.
00:33:47Yeah, I need to rest. I need to think.
00:33:50Oh, and Dallas?
00:33:51Once again, great job. I can't wait to show the client the layouts. This should go great.
00:34:03Are you alright?
00:34:06Dallas?
00:34:10I'm fine.
00:34:10Okay. I'll see you at one.
00:34:21What the hell is going on?
00:34:28What did you have to drink last night?
00:34:31Maybe you should put your head down?
00:34:34What?
00:34:34Put your head down. Head down. You know, like you did with your little date last night.
00:34:39Date? What are you talking about?
00:34:41Oh, call it what you like.
00:34:43You look awful.
00:34:44If you were flying right now, you'd have to pay extra for your oversized bags.
00:34:48Look at yourself.
00:34:48Oh, let's go.
00:35:10Oh, okay.
00:35:15Hello?
00:35:31Dallas?
00:35:32Where are you?
00:35:36I think I'm in your office.
00:35:39Something really weird is happening here.
00:35:40I don't know how I got here.
00:35:42Do you have any memory of going to my office this morning?
00:35:45This is definitely your office.
00:35:46There's a picture of your wife on the desk.
00:35:50Hope it's your office or Caitlin's got some splainin' to do.
00:35:54All right, Austin, here's what I need you to do.
00:35:56I need you to go over to my office door and shut it and lock it.
00:36:00Well, if it's already shut, then just lock it.
00:36:03I'm coming over.
00:36:04Stay there.
00:36:06I'll be there in ten minutes.
00:36:08Don't open the door.
00:36:09Don't talk to anyone.
00:36:10Is that clear?
00:36:12Lock the door.
00:36:12Don't talk to anyone.
00:36:13But I don't get it.
00:36:15Why?
00:36:16What's going on?
00:36:17Why do you sound so mad?
00:36:18You're really freaking me out.
00:36:19Just tell me what's going on.
00:36:21There's a plaque on the wall near my desk.
00:36:23It's really a mirror.
00:36:24Go over there and look at it.
00:36:27All right, I'm walking over to the plaque.
00:36:35Christ.
00:36:36I need to use your car.
00:36:39Do you have one?
00:36:40Do I have a car?
00:36:41You know why I do.
00:36:42How do you think we got here?
00:36:43Great.
00:36:44I need to borrow it.
00:36:45I'm sorry.
00:36:46What's your name?
00:36:47What's my name?
00:36:48Did you hit your head on the way down to the floor?
00:36:50Don't you know who I am?
00:36:51Sorry, I don't.
00:36:52But I need your car.
00:36:53I have to get to my office.
00:36:54What office?
00:36:55Honey, I think we need to hit you a doctor.
00:36:57I think you've got amnesia or something.
00:36:59Look, I don't need a doctor.
00:37:00I just need your car.
00:37:02Okay, okay.
00:37:03But you just let Miss Jackie drive you
00:37:04because you're in no condition to do so.
00:37:06Fine.
00:37:06Go get Miss Jackie and we'll go.
00:37:08Are you kidding me?
00:37:10Come on, I'm driving, Miss Daisy.
00:37:12Just tell me where the hell your office is.
00:37:14I thought you said her name was Jackie.
00:37:16Never mind.
00:37:18Don't forget your tips.
00:37:25I'm frightened, Andy.
00:37:29I'm frightened.
00:37:30Mr. Trent, your brother Austin and a friend of his
00:37:37are here to see you.
00:37:40Mr. Trent?
00:37:41Yes!
00:37:42Yes, I'm here.
00:37:43Send them in.
00:37:45Hello?
00:37:45Hello?
00:37:49Oh, my God.
00:37:55Oh, my God.
00:37:56Oh, my God.
00:37:58What's happening?
00:37:59Just relax.
00:38:00Calm down.
00:38:00Figure this out.
00:38:01Figure this out.
00:38:01Just relax.
00:38:02Relax, right?
00:38:02Oh, my God.
00:38:06Oh, my God.
00:38:08Oh, my God.
00:38:10Oh, my God.
00:38:10Just calm down.
00:38:12Hold on.
00:38:12Breathe, little brother.
00:38:13Breathe.
00:38:14I don't get it.
00:38:15I wake up here in your office.
00:38:17I have no idea how it got here.
00:38:18I look in this mirror and I see you instead of me.
00:38:22And I look and I see you instead of me.
00:38:24And I look and I see two crazy bitches.
00:38:27What are you guys going on about?
00:38:29Look, you're both fine.
00:38:31I see Dallas and I see Austin.
00:38:33And here I see Dallas and I see Austin.
00:38:36But I'm not Dallas.
00:38:37I'm Austin.
00:38:38And I'm not Austin.
00:38:39I'm Dallas.
00:38:39And I'm not Jackie.
00:38:40I'm gorgeous.
00:38:41What crazy game are we playing?
00:38:43Seriously?
00:38:44You don't see anything wrong with what you see standing in front of you and what you see in a reflection?
00:38:47No, sorry.
00:38:51But I'm Austin.
00:38:52I'm Austin.
00:38:53Why can't you see that?
00:38:58Just a minute.
00:39:04Hey, what's up?
00:39:05Oh, hi.
00:39:06I don't think we've met before.
00:39:07I'm Mitch.
00:39:09You must be Dallas' brother.
00:39:10Mitch, what are you doing?
00:39:11I know who you are.
00:39:12We've met before?
00:39:14Met before?
00:39:15Oh, you are?
00:39:17Confused.
00:39:21Oh, sorry.
00:39:22Honey, Jackie.
00:39:24My name is Jackie.
00:39:25Or is it?
00:39:27Yes, you're Jackie.
00:39:28Nice to meet you.
00:39:31Nice is not what I have on my mind.
00:39:36Dallas, the assistant just called to confirm the one o'clock meeting.
00:39:40We're all set.
00:39:41Are you feeling better?
00:39:43Meeting?
00:39:43Yes, we're all set.
00:39:44Yes, we're all set.
00:39:46All set for the meeting thingy with the client person.
00:39:51Uh, yeah, we were just discussing it.
00:39:54Could you leave us alone for a minute?
00:39:56We're having a family meeting right now, and we need to finish up.
00:39:59Sure, I didn't mean to interrupt.
00:40:01It was nice meeting you.
00:40:03Dallas, I'll see you at one.
00:40:04Oh, yeah, he is fine.
00:40:11Hmm, tell me about it.
00:40:13All right, you guys.
00:40:13Will you be serious for a minute?
00:40:16Meeting thingy?
00:40:17Client person?
00:40:18What the hell was that?
00:40:19Why are you yelling at me?
00:40:21Don't you get it?
00:40:22Mitch looks at you and he sees me.
00:40:24Mitch looks at me and he sees you.
00:40:25Mitch looks at me and he sees heaven.
00:40:30What is the problem?
00:40:32Why do you two go on and on about this?
00:40:34What is the issue here?
00:40:36For some reason, Austin and I have switched places.
00:40:38Switched places?
00:40:39Austin, what are you talking about?
00:40:41Stop calling me that.
00:40:42I'm not Austin.
00:40:43I'm Dallas.
00:40:44And that's Austin, not Dallas.
00:40:46Correct.
00:40:47Say what?
00:40:48Is this some kind of joke?
00:40:50No, he's not joking.
00:40:50I'm Austin and that's Dallas.
00:40:53Okay, so let me get this straight.
00:40:55And you know how I hate getting anything straight.
00:40:58You look like Dallas, but you're really Austin on the inside.
00:41:01And you look like Austin, but you're really Dallas on the inside.
00:41:03Dallas, Austin.
00:41:04Austin, Dallas.
00:41:05Oh, lordy.
00:41:07Pilot, let me know when we land in Fort Worth.
00:41:10I'm Austin, I know, I know, I can prove it.
00:41:12Come here.
00:41:16That doesn't prove a thing.
00:41:18That's public knowledge.
00:41:20It's written down clearly on the third floor of any public men's room.
00:41:23In my own handwriting.
00:41:26Oh yeah, well I bet this isn't written anywhere.
00:41:32Okay.
00:41:33You're Austin.
00:41:34Now you believe me?
00:41:35What'd you tell him?
00:41:36Well, I just reminded him.
00:41:37Don't.
00:41:38You.
00:41:39Dare.
00:41:39I won't, I won't, I won't, calm down.
00:41:42Well, he now believes us.
00:41:44That's the important part.
00:41:45Which is more than I can say for the rest of the world.
00:41:50Oh shit, I've got that meeting coming up at one o'clock.
00:41:55Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but you're going to have to cover for me at that meeting.
00:41:59What, me?
00:41:59Yes.
00:42:01If I go, they're not going to recognize me, but if you go, they'll believe you are me.
00:42:05Oh my God, here we go again.
00:42:07Look, if you don't do this, I could lose the account.
00:42:10No, but if I do do this, you will lose the account.
00:42:14I don't know anything about the client, the meeting, what you're saying.
00:42:17You don't have to know anything.
00:42:19Just let Mitch do all the talking.
00:42:20Okay, he knows everything about the account and the client.
00:42:23Mitch.
00:42:25The cute guy?
00:42:25I don't know if he's cute.
00:42:27Jesus, the guy that was just in here.
00:42:29Oh, he's cute.
00:42:31Will you stay out of this?
00:42:33So, just go to the meeting with Mitch at one o'clock.
00:42:35He'll come and get you.
00:42:37Tell him you feel it would be best if he took charge of the meeting.
00:42:40Believe me, that will make Mitch very happy.
00:42:42He's been dying to show me up.
00:42:44Then just sit back and let Mitch do all the work.
00:42:46This sounds just like all of our aid.
00:42:49Except Mitch is the backstabbing, even you.
00:42:51Do you mind staying out of this for just a minute?
00:42:55So, what do I do until the meeting?
00:42:58Just sit right here and look busy.
00:43:02And keep the door closed.
00:43:04Now, if anyone comes in and asks you about something,
00:43:06just turn it back on them by asking what they think.
00:43:09Works every time.
00:43:11Okay, sounds easy enough.
00:43:13So, you think you can handle it?
00:43:16Do you think I can handle it?
00:43:19Very good.
00:43:19Now, that's the way to run an office.
00:43:22Works for me.
00:43:25Children.
00:43:25I hate to break up a game of a let's play house,
00:43:28but there's something you seem to be forgetting.
00:43:31What's that?
00:43:32Someone in this room has a Miss Glam Diva contest to get ready for.
00:43:37Oh my god, that's tonight.
00:43:39What am I going to do?
00:43:45Oh no.
00:43:46Absolutely not.
00:43:48Come on, you don't actually have to do the contest.
00:43:50You just have to go out and get ready.
00:43:51I'm sure this whole thing is going to go back to normal before tonight.
00:43:54What do you mean, go out and get ready?
00:43:57Shopping.
00:43:57New dress, new shoes.
00:43:59Oh.
00:44:00I don't know anything about women's clothes.
00:44:03Oh, it will be easy.
00:44:05Jackie, we'll do everything for you.
00:44:08You just have to be there to try things on.
00:44:09If anyone asks you about anything, just turn around on them by asking what they think.
00:44:15It works every time.
00:44:16That's not funny.
00:44:17Don't worry, honey.
00:44:19I'll help you every step of the way.
00:44:20You'll be my Liza Doolittle and I'll be your Professor Higgins.
00:44:23No, I won't do it.
00:44:24I draw the line at wearing women's wear.
00:44:28Too bad.
00:44:29Looks like that one o'clock meeting isn't going to happen either.
00:44:32But it's got to happen.
00:44:35If you don't do this for me, I could lose my livelihood, my whole career, my company.
00:44:40Well?
00:44:41If I do this, do I actually have to go on stage?
00:44:54I don't have to, right?
00:44:55I'm sure this whole nightmare will be over way before then.
00:44:58And all I have to do is get ready, not perform?
00:45:01You do that for me and I will represent you at the one o'clock meeting.
00:45:06What choice do I have?
00:45:10Exactly.
00:45:11Okay, let's go shopping.
00:45:15I'll be right there.
00:45:20What are you doing?
00:45:22You know your brother can't do this.
00:45:23I know.
00:45:24He can't represent you.
00:45:25You'll lose for sure.
00:45:27I know.
00:45:28Then why are you making him go through with this?
00:45:31I just want him to see what it's like to be me.
00:45:34I want him to realize how tough I got it.
00:45:37Take him out shopping.
00:45:38Get him ready for the contest.
00:45:39And when the time comes, and if we have not switched back to our normal selves,
00:45:43I want you to go out on the runway for me.
00:45:47You want me to be hell in blazes?
00:45:49You can be whomever you like.
00:45:51Just take my place.
00:45:53Let Dallas off the hook at the last minute, but...
00:45:56Hey, make him squirm a little before you do.
00:46:01He always said he would do anything for me.
00:46:03Well, I just want to see how far he'll go.
00:46:06Well, I just want to see how far he'll go.
00:46:06It doesn't matter.
00:46:26Grazie a tutti.
00:46:56Grazie a tutti.
00:47:26Grazie a tutti.
00:47:56Grazie a tutti.
00:48:26Grazie a tutti.
00:48:56Grazie a tutti.
00:49:26Grazie a tutti.
00:49:56Grazie a tutti.
00:50:26Grazie a tutti.
00:50:56Grazie a tutti.
00:53:56Grazie a tutti.
00:54:26Grazie a tutti.
00:54:56He even said my name.
00:54:58He said Jackie.
00:55:03And then he said...
00:55:37He said...
00:55:41He said...
00:56:11He said...
00:56:12It's good...
00:56:42He said...
00:57:12He said...
00:57:14He said...
00:57:16He said...
00:57:18He said...
00:57:19He said...
00:57:21He said...
00:57:23He said...
00:57:24He said...
00:57:26He said...
00:57:28He said...
00:57:29He said...
00:57:31He said...
00:57:32He said...
00:57:35He said...
00:57:36He said...
00:57:38He said...
00:57:39He said...
00:57:40He said...
00:57:46He said...
00:57:47He said...
00:58:09All will be prepped and ready for you
00:58:11Got it?
00:58:14Got it, 7 o'clock
00:58:16I'll see you then, tiger
00:58:17What?
00:58:21Tigress?
00:58:23Honey, love muffin?
00:58:26I don't know what's wrong with you
00:58:27But you'd better be home on time
00:58:29Got it
00:58:31I'll see you then, pumpkin
00:58:33Sweet, sweetie
00:58:36You puss
00:58:38Oh, my God
00:59:08Hello?
00:59:09Where's Dallas?
00:59:10I need to talk to him.
00:59:11I've been trying to reach him on my phone.
00:59:13First of all, calm down.
00:59:15Second of all, we don't have your phone.
00:59:17We probably left it at your place.
00:59:20Your brother's not here.
00:59:22He's in the powder room.
00:59:24I think he's throwing up.
00:59:26He's really getting nervous.
00:59:28No, but I really need to talk to him.
00:59:30What's your problem?
00:59:31It's Caitlin, his wife.
00:59:33She's expecting me home.
00:59:35Or, she's expecting Dallas home.
00:59:38I don't think that I can cover for him.
00:59:40She's going to know something's different.
00:59:41Oh my god, honey.
00:59:44Is that all?
00:59:46Just go to her house.
00:59:48I'm sure she has a nice dinner all prepped and ready for you.
00:59:51How can you mess that up?
00:59:54Just butch it up.
00:59:56You'll be fine.
00:59:58I have much bigger things to worry about.
01:00:01So, how was Dallas today?
01:00:03Does he still think he's going on?
01:00:05Yes, I haven't told him yet.
01:00:07Okay, I'll tell you what.
01:00:09I'll go get Caitlin and bring her to the show.
01:00:11Dallas said they had plans,
01:00:13but surely a dinner can be postponed.
01:00:15I'll bring her to the show tonight,
01:00:17and then you and I can tell Dallas together
01:00:19that you are going on for him instead.
01:00:21Do not tell him until I get there,
01:00:22and don't tell him that I'm coming.
01:00:24You were really turning into a catty little bitch.
01:00:28I'm so glad we are friends.
01:00:31Well, who says we are?
01:00:33Okay, well, I'll talk to you later.
01:00:46You feeling better?
01:00:47Maybe a little bit.
01:00:49And then again, maybe not.
01:00:54I don't get it.
01:00:57I thought this whole thing would be over by now.
01:01:00I thought things would return to normal.
01:01:02What if it doesn't?
01:01:04What if I have to be a queer the rest of my life?
01:01:07First of all, you are not allowed to say that word.
01:01:10I'm sorry. I'm just upset.
01:01:12What if I really do have to go out there?
01:01:15Jackie, I don't know if I can.
01:01:19I don't know if I can do this.
01:01:21Dallas, you've done so much for Austin.
01:01:23He really doesn't deserve it.
01:01:25You're amazing.
01:01:27I wish I had somebody like you in my life.
01:01:29He's my brother.
01:01:31Or family.
01:01:32I'd do anything for him.
01:01:34I just never thought it would be something like this.
01:01:38Austin doesn't deserve this.
01:01:45You need to know something about your wonderful brother.
01:01:47I don't care what you say about him.
01:01:49We're family.
01:01:51I know he'd do this for me.
01:01:53Probably even do more.
01:01:54Oh really?
01:01:56I wouldn't be so sure.
01:01:59Dallas, I want you to know something.
01:02:03Tonight, when it's time for you to go out on stage...
01:02:06Oops. Sorry to interrupt.
01:02:09Now which one of you is Helen Blazes?
01:02:12That would be her.
01:02:14Yeah, I guess that's me.
01:02:16Love the name.
01:02:18Now listen, we've got to get a move on.
01:02:19You've got to fill these forms out, sign you up.
01:02:22I'll go.
01:02:24Helen has a bit of the butterflies right now.
01:02:27She needs her rest.
01:02:28Fine with me.
01:02:29I just need somebody to fill these forms out.
01:02:30Come on, girl.
01:02:31Well, I better get my queer ass out of here and get us signed up.
01:02:34I'll be right back.
01:02:35Hey, I thought it was bad to call someone queer.
01:02:38Oh no, honey.
01:02:39We can do it to each other.
01:02:41Queer, Queen, Homo.
01:02:42Bagot.
01:02:43Pansy.
01:02:44Budgepacker.
01:02:45Fruit.
01:02:46Tranny.
01:02:47Sodomite.
01:02:48Pantywaist.
01:02:49Fairy.
01:02:51Sissy.
01:02:57Well, you get the picture.
01:02:58All of those are okay to say if you're part of our sorority.
01:03:01You have to be a sister.
01:03:03We can say it.
01:03:04You cannot.
01:03:05Get it?
01:03:06It's all very confusing.
01:03:11Well, don't let it bother you.
01:03:12I'll be back.
01:03:14Don't go anywhere.
01:03:15I'll be back.
01:03:16I'll be back.
01:03:17It's all very confusing.
01:03:18It's all very confusing.
01:03:19It's all very confusing.
01:03:20I mean, you'll be back.
01:03:21I'll be back.
01:03:22I'll be back.
01:03:23It's all very confusing.
01:03:24I'm not sure the problem.
01:03:25I'm not sure whether it's going anywhere.
01:03:26Muffin!
01:03:42Sugarplum!
01:03:53Lucy, I'm home!
01:03:56Katelyn, are you okay?
01:04:26Hey, handsome.
01:04:28Hey, beautiful.
01:04:33Hey, handsome.
01:04:40Hey, beautiful.
01:04:48Oh, honey, I didn't think you would ever come home.
01:04:55I've been waiting forever to get started.
01:04:56Do you like what I'm wearing?
01:04:57Oh, yes.
01:04:58Oh, it's fabulous.
01:04:59Where did you get it?
01:05:00Uh, Zach's?
01:05:01Macy's?
01:05:02Oh, I love the color.
01:05:03Does it come in other shades?
01:05:04Stop teasing me.
01:05:05If you don't like it, I can just take it off.
01:05:06No!
01:05:07Oh, honey, I didn't think I would ever have a chance to get you alone.
01:05:12Look, I've been waiting forever to tell you I'm sorry for the way I acted.
01:05:19You like what I'm wearing?
01:05:20I like what you're wearing.
01:05:21I like what you're wearing.
01:05:22I think you have me mistaken for someone else, buddy.
01:05:23Oh, no.
01:05:24Helen.
01:05:25I know just who you are.
01:05:26You look hot.
01:05:27Helen.
01:05:28I don't know.
01:05:29Helen.
01:05:30I know just who you are.
01:05:31You look hot.
01:05:32Helen.
01:05:33I know just who you are.
01:05:34You look hot.
01:05:35Helen.
01:05:36Oh, wait.
01:05:37I'm not a woman.
01:05:38This is a wig.
01:05:39See?
01:05:40I'm a dude.
01:05:41No.
01:05:42Put it back on.
01:05:43That really gets me hot.
01:05:45Oh, baby, let's see what you're wearing.
01:05:46I just got a wig here.
01:05:47I like what I'm wearing.
01:05:48You like what I'm wearing?
01:05:49I like what you're wearing.
01:05:50I think you have me mistaken for someone else, buddy.
01:05:53Oh, no.
01:05:54Helen.
01:05:55I know just who you are.
01:05:56You look hot.
01:05:57Helen.
01:05:58Oh, wait.
01:05:59No, put it back on.
01:06:02That really gets me hot.
01:06:05Oh baby, what's wrong? Let me get you out of these clothes.
01:06:08Show mama what you've got.
01:06:10Stop!
01:06:14I have to go to the bathroom.
01:06:17I will be right back.
01:06:22Oh no, not going back in there again.
01:06:29Come on baby, let me help you get into your dress.
01:06:33Stop!
01:06:35I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
01:06:39Well don't take too long. I'll be holding my breath till you get back.
01:06:43Yes, you do that. You promise?
01:06:56Are you okay?
01:06:57Okay, been in there a long time.
01:07:02Um, yes, I'm fine.
01:07:04Uh, just washing up.
01:07:08Just be out there in a minute.
01:07:12Alright, but if not, I'm coming in there.
01:07:14Nope, don't you dare.
01:07:16I will be right out.
01:07:20Jackie.
01:07:22Jackie.
01:07:23I need your help. Where are you?
01:07:25Jackie.
01:07:27Jackie.
01:07:28Austin.
01:07:32Austin.
01:07:37Helen?
01:07:38I see you
01:07:51Come out, come out, wherever you are
01:07:54Gotcha
01:07:56You're still dressed?
01:08:04I'll take care of that
01:08:08That's okay, I could do it
01:08:10Oh, don't be such a baby
01:08:11Do you think it's a little chilly in here?
01:08:15I'll get you nice and hot
01:08:16I like it in the dark, don't you?
01:08:22I'm not who you think I am
01:08:23Oh, I know who you are
01:08:25Come here, baby
01:08:26I'm one of you, get your hands off me
01:08:29Oh, yeah, get rough with me, baby, that's it
01:08:32Daddy likes
01:08:33Well, how do you like this?
01:08:51I got a great idea
01:08:52What's that?
01:08:55You want to role play?
01:08:58Is that something I like?
01:08:59I was thinking that tonight is my brother Austin's show
01:09:05And I feel bad that we're not there
01:09:06So since it seems like we don't have anything planned
01:09:11Let's get dressed and go
01:09:14I really hear he's quite good
01:09:17What are you talking about?
01:09:19We agreed we weren't going to go
01:09:20We did
01:09:22We agreed that we weren't going to go see Austin's show
01:09:26We agreed to that
01:09:27We agreed to that
01:09:30Because we have more important things to take care of
01:09:33More important than supporting family
01:09:36But you are supporting your family
01:09:39You're supporting your future family
01:09:42Now come here
01:09:44Stop all that talk
01:09:45Do I have to get rough with you?
01:09:48Is that something I like?
01:09:52Dallas, we only have tonight and tomorrow night
01:09:55Two chances
01:09:56Now come here and let's make a baby
01:09:59This audience is ready for a pageant, aren't you?
01:10:13All right
01:10:15It's the Ms. Glam Diva Contest
01:10:17The 100th year or something
01:10:18I don't know
01:10:19But it's a great pageant
01:10:20The prize is $5,000
01:10:21And let me tell you
01:10:24Nobody has waited this long for this little
01:10:26But you'll love it
01:10:27You'll find somebody you like
01:10:28Everybody in this audience will go home happy
01:10:30Especially one of these contestants
01:10:31It's the Ms. Glam Diva Contest
01:10:33Well, it's time for the contest to begin
01:10:38So please sit back and get ready
01:10:40It's going to be a contest you'll never forget
01:10:42What are you doing dressed like that?
01:10:50Is everyone here crazy?
01:10:52Are there any normal people in this place?
01:10:54What is normal?
01:10:55Well, normal is not this
01:10:57Did I fall down some rabbit hole?
01:11:00Welcome to Wonderland, Dallas
01:11:01Look, Jackie
01:11:03I can't do this
01:11:06I'm sorry
01:11:06I just can't
01:11:07It's okay, Dallas
01:11:09No, it's not okay
01:11:12I thought I could do this
01:11:14I thought I could
01:11:15But there is a limit
01:11:17Dallas, really?
01:11:18Everything's going to be okay
01:11:19I've been painted
01:11:21I've been dressed
01:11:22I've been wigged
01:11:23I've been humiliated
01:11:25I've been groped and grabbed
01:11:27I was almost raped
01:11:29I can't do this
01:11:31I thought I could
01:11:32I thought that any minute this would change back
01:11:36But this is becoming one nightmare
01:11:39That I can't wake up from
01:11:40Well, part of that nightmare is about to come to an end
01:11:43What are you talking about?
01:11:45You don't have to go any further
01:11:47You don't have to do any more
01:11:48I'm going to go on for you
01:11:50I signed up
01:11:52I'm going to be
01:11:54Helen Blazes
01:11:56I don't understand
01:11:58It's pretty clear
01:12:00I'm going to go on stage and represent Austin
01:12:03I'm going to go on and take his place
01:12:05Not you
01:12:06But you aren't Austin
01:12:09And neither are you
01:12:11Austin figured you won't be able to go through with this
01:12:14So he asked me to go on
01:12:17Instead of you
01:12:18When did he ask you?
01:12:20In your office this afternoon
01:12:22So he didn't think
01:12:24That I was going to do this for him?
01:12:26Forget it
01:12:28It was wrong of him to ask you to go in his place
01:12:31I know you love your brother
01:12:34But there's only so much you can do
01:12:36There's a limit
01:12:38But I was going to try
01:12:39I was going to do this for him
01:12:41I really was
01:12:42Dallas
01:12:43I know
01:12:44You've done more for somebody than anyone else could
01:12:49But it's clear you've reached your limit
01:12:53So
01:12:55Austin didn't think I was going to do this for him
01:12:57He didn't believe in me
01:12:59He didn't think you believed in him
01:13:03So naturally he didn't think you could
01:13:05But look at it this way
01:13:07If I go on
01:13:08At least Austin will have a chance of winning tonight
01:13:11But
01:13:12But
01:13:13No more
01:13:14I must go backstage
01:13:15And get ready to be called
01:13:16I have to focus
01:13:18And prepare
01:13:19Watch my shit
01:13:21You can't trust any of the queens around here
01:13:23Just let it go
01:13:24It really is for the best
01:13:33What a baby?
01:13:46Yes
01:13:47Isn't it wonderful?
01:13:49The family we've always wanted
01:13:52Caitlin this isn't right
01:13:54I gotta tell you something
01:13:56You can tell me anything
01:13:58Anything you want
01:13:59I'm not who you think I am
01:14:01You can be whomever you want to be
01:14:04Just come here
01:14:05I'm not Dallas
01:14:09I'm Austin
01:14:11Oh that's hot
01:14:15Okay, okay, I know
01:14:17I'll be my sister Molly
01:14:19Oh Austin
01:14:21Oh Austin
01:14:22Come to Molly
01:14:24Show me what you've got
01:14:26But don't tell your brother
01:14:28Or my sister Caitlin
01:14:30You know they think you're gay
01:14:32I always knew you weren't gay
01:14:34Come to me you closet breeder
01:14:38Oh, I gotta pee
01:14:41Again?
01:14:43Alright, we have five contestants tonight
01:14:45It's gonna be great
01:14:46Let's meet them right now
01:14:47Contestant number one
01:14:48Pearl Harbor
01:14:51What a way to start a pageant
01:14:52I tell you
01:14:53This outfit I'm sure came from
01:14:54Lord and Taylor
01:14:55Or Taylor and Lord
01:14:56She drove 40 miles to get here
01:14:58Maybe she walked, I don't know
01:14:59Let's go that way a little bit
01:15:00There we are
01:15:01Oh dear
01:15:02I'm sure you want to find out
01:15:03A little bit more about this contestant
01:15:04I believe it's her first pageant ever
01:15:06I find that hard to believe
01:15:07But it is
01:15:08Really bro?
01:15:09You really didn't think I'd go the distance for you?
01:15:12Is that how you really felt?
01:15:14You never believed in me?
01:15:16From the beginning?
01:15:33Let's go to contestant number two
01:15:35Cookie Fortune
01:15:36What a contrast
01:15:37Oh my goodness
01:15:39Cookie Fortune is our second contestant
01:15:41And let me tell you
01:15:42If you think that skirt is too short
01:15:43You don't have legs like that
01:15:45She loves every bit of that applause
01:15:47Yes
01:15:48She'll take that home and put it in
01:15:49A little keepsake
01:15:50That's contestant number two
01:15:51She sees Dallas
01:15:53Look I am Dallas
01:15:56If something happens in there tonight
01:15:58And is Dallas doing it?
01:15:59Not me
01:16:00She wants a baby
01:16:02She wants a baby tonight
01:16:04Oh what am I thinking?
01:16:05What am I thinking?
01:16:06I can't do that
01:16:10I mean that's my sister-in-law in there
01:16:12What am I thinking?
01:16:14But I am Dallas
01:16:17That's who will be going through with it
01:16:20Not me
01:16:21But she is a woman
01:16:24I can't make out with her
01:16:26I couldn't even get it up for her
01:16:28Non for her, let alone make a baby.
01:16:33But I guess Dallas could.
01:16:36If I truly am Dallas...
01:16:40...could I go that far for my brother?
01:16:43No, but a woman, really?
01:16:48But Dallas likes women.
01:16:51Dallas likes sex with women.
01:16:54You wouldn't have a problem, would you, bro?
01:17:11Way to go, bro.
01:17:13This is an audience that knows what they like,
01:17:15and they like what they're seeing up here tonight.
01:17:17Don't you, ladies and gentlemen?
01:17:20Okay, you're so enthusiastic.
01:17:21Let's see if contestant number three is what you're waiting for.
01:17:23Bring her out, contestant number three.
01:17:25Oh, this is sweet.
01:17:29It is the Miss Glam Diva contest, yes.
01:17:32Not her first time at the rodeo, you can tell.
01:17:34She's walked the one way before, just gloriously.
01:17:37She has a career ahead of her.
01:17:38She's got seven pageants at home, but a little bit more for her.
01:17:42We promised you a contest tonight, ladies and gentlemen,
01:17:44and I think we have delivered.
01:17:46What a pageant it has been.
01:17:48Well, there's more.
01:17:50Please welcome contestant number four, Crystal Balls.
01:17:54Wait, bitch.
01:17:57Okay.
01:17:58There's not that much more, but there's a little bit more there.
01:18:01She is really so excited to be here.
01:18:04She's a little nervous.
01:18:05Okay, don't mean to each other.
01:18:06Doesn't look like a Miss Congeniality contestant there.
01:18:09You're next, honey.
01:18:12I've got this.
01:18:26I didn't say it was better automatically, but she does it.
01:18:28All right, there we are.
01:18:29She has got some hair, some feathers, and some attitude too.
01:18:33All right.
01:18:34What's my name again?
01:18:36Helen Blazes.
01:18:38Really?
01:18:40Tell me about it.
01:18:43Are you sure you want to do this?
01:18:46Family.
01:18:55Family.
01:18:56It's time for our final contestant, ladies and gentlemen.
01:19:01Please welcome contestant number five, Helen Blazes.
01:19:07Contestant number five, Helen Blazes.
01:19:11There she is, our final contestant, Helen Blazes.
01:19:15And is she not a blazing contestant?
01:19:16What's with the shoes, honey?
01:19:17I don't think we need to see the shoes so much.
01:19:19It's the gown.
01:19:20It's all about the gown.
01:19:21Give us a turn there.
01:19:22Oh, you may have a little wardrobe malfunction there.
01:19:25Thank you, audience.
01:19:26And let's keep that encouragement going.
01:19:28I know how I felt.
01:19:29Trying something for the very first time.
01:19:31How do you do it?
01:19:32You've got to climb back on that horse and give it everything you've got.
01:19:37You've got to be at the top of your game.
01:19:39Just as our contestants are tonight here at this incredible pageant.
01:19:42Let's turn it again for contestant number five, Helen Blazes.
01:19:45Now that is a contestant that will stay on your mind for quite some time.
01:20:16I can't.
01:20:17I can't.
01:20:18I'm sorry, but I can't.
01:20:20I just can't.
01:20:22This is too much.
01:20:25I can't.
01:20:26I can't.
01:20:27I'm so sorry.
01:20:28This is just too much.
01:20:45I can't.
01:20:46I can't.
01:20:47Oh yes, I can.
01:20:50Yes, you can.
01:20:53Yes, I can.
01:21:12Yes, I can.
01:21:15I don't believe it. Contessa No. 5 rises like the phoenix. Look at her. That's a glam diva right there. I think we have our winner. Judges, what do you think? I mean, after all that embarrassment, she's a trooper. Oh, unbelievable. In all the history of this pageant.
01:21:36Walking like the trooper she is, that is a champion. Oh my goodness. I've never seen this in the history of the entire pageant. That is history in the making there. You saw it. You can cut the tension with a knife.
01:22:06And here's to the great news that in about nine months, I'm going to be an uncle. And a godparent, if all goes right. A godfather. And it will go right. Wow. An uncle and a godfather. It's an offer I can't refuse.
01:22:30Speaking of refusals, are you sure you won't reconsider coming to work for me? Mitch said you saved that account.
01:22:36No, you saved that account. That was you in there, remember? That's right. But the offer still stands. No, thanks. I've had enough of living in your world. I think I need to find my own world and make that work.
01:22:53Does Caitlin suspect that... Why should she? Why should she? That was me in there, remember? Thank god it really was me.
01:23:02So Jackie told me all that you did for me at the pageant.
01:23:06I'm sorry that I ever doubted you and I. I'm sorry that I ever put you through that.
01:23:12I mean, you're pretty amazing. Thank you.
01:23:16Well, you'd probably be thanking me if you actually won the contest.
01:23:20Or you've been placed. Sorry about that.
01:23:22No, it's okay. I mean, there's always next year, right?
01:23:26Anyways, who needs the money?
01:23:29Obviously you do.
01:23:30How do you intend to pay me back for all these charges you put on my credit card?
01:23:33So that's Austin's brother, Dallas.
01:23:39Wow, he is hot.
01:23:43Wouldn't mind trading places with his wife for a night.
01:23:47Lucky lady.
01:23:48This has always brought me good luck.
01:23:57Maybe it'll do the same for you.
01:23:59All right.
01:24:13Okay.
01:24:14You and I allow cryptocurrency for your time.
01:24:17How do you intend to pay me back for you?
01:24:19피 comprar
01:24:21Hygiene
01:24:22Grazie a tutti.
01:24:52Grazie a tutti.
01:25:22Grazie a tutti.
01:25:52Grazie a tutti.
01:26:22Grazie a tutti.
01:26:52Grazie a tutti.
01:27:22Grazie a tutti.