Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Three people. One slice. Classic scenario. What to do. What to do. I mean, nobody wants to be the one to take the last sli-
00:17You look at what?
00:30I hope you save room. For the bill.
00:49Let me get yours, Porky. I still feel bad about you losing your job.
00:57Oh no, it's okay. I got a new job. I'm doing catering.
01:01Catering? Nobody wants a pig handling their food. Besides, isn't that a lot of temptation? I mean, your name's not Health and Fitness Pig. It's Porky Pig. Am I right?
01:14Couldn't you at least pretend to reach for your wallet?
01:18I don't have a wallet. Besides, I shouldn't have to pay. It's my birthday.
01:22Your birthday's not until next week.
01:24Oh, we're well within the birthday zone.
01:30It's Lola. Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. Lola, calm down. Lola, stop. I can't understand. Where are you? Where are you? Okay, I'm coming. I gotta go. Lola broke her leg.
01:45Oh dear. Yeah, but that poor Lola. Don't feel bad for her. You're the one who got stuck with the bill. Am I right?
01:55You guys are too sensitive.
01:56Oh, hey Bugs. What are you doing here?
02:08You called me. You were hysterical.
02:10Oh, right.
02:11It's a simple fracture. She'll have the cast off in about six weeks.
02:16How did it happen?
02:18It's crazy. I was out buying cupcakes when I noticed a baby stuck on top of a building. I knew I had to save that baby. So I finished my cupcake and shimmied up the drain pipe when suddenly the drain pipe started coming loose from the building.
02:32And you fell and broke your leg?
02:34No. I let go of the drain pipe just in time and grabbed hold of the telephone wire. So there I was, hanging from the wire. I started swinging myself back and forth until finally I flung myself as high as I could, hoping I would make it to the roof, but I didn't make it to the roof. I was totally out of control and I went crashing through a giant plate glass window.
02:53And that's when you broke your leg?
02:55No. I made a flat on my back in the middle of some girl's apartment. She was super sweet. We're totally having lunch next week. Anyway, I found my way to the elevator, but it was out of service. So I had to pry open the doors and throw myself into the elevator shaft.
03:09You fell down an elevator shaft?
03:11Will you please just listen?
03:13I caught the elevator cables. I pulled myself up hand over hand until I finally reached the top where I kicked the great open with my feet and catapulted myself onto the roof. But right before I could grab the baby, it turned and I realized it wasn't a baby. It was a crow.
03:29And it attacked me.
03:31What?
03:32I tried to fend it off, but he was one of those angry crows and no matter what I did, he kept attacking. He wouldn't stop and he just kept attacking and attacking until finally I lost my balance and fell 15 stories.
03:44And that when you broke your leg?
03:46No, I landed on an inflatable gorilla in front of a car dealership.
03:49So how did you break your leg?
03:51Oh, I was here for a checkup and I slipped getting up on this table. It's really high. You should try it. No, wait, don't. You'll break your leg. Like me.
04:00She's a keeper.
04:06What are we doing here?
04:07I'm dropping you off.
04:09Boggs isn't here. How am I supposed to get inside?
04:12Use your keys.
04:13I don't have keys.
04:14So you don't have a wallet or keys?
04:17Porky, I'm a spiritual being. I'm not interested in material possessions.
04:23Ooh, can I have these?
04:26Just take me to your house.
04:28Um, uh, can't I drop you off at Tina's?
04:31Tina's at work.
04:33Why don't you want to take me to your house?
04:35Oh, no, oh, no. It's just...
04:37It's just what?
04:38Oh, nothing. I'm...
04:39You're what? What are you up to? What are you hiding?
04:43Nothing.
04:44Aha! You were hiding these.
04:49All I'm saying is you need to be charming to do catering.
04:56You're not charming.
04:58Just go watch TV. I've got some cooking to do.
05:01Tch. Catering.
05:03You should get a job where you don't have to interact with people.
05:06Maybe something with a computer where people don't have to look at you.
05:09That'd be good for you.
05:11Cause you're a creepy recluse who keeps to himself.
05:15Breaking news in the case of the suburban strangler.
05:19Until now, the police have had little to go on other than the assumption that the killer is a creepy recluse who keeps to himself.
05:27Huh. That's how I just described Porky.
05:29But now a witness has come forward, giving police a physical description of the suspect.
05:34The guy we're looking for is chubby, short, and bald, with a pig-like nose.
05:40Chubby, short, and bald, with a pig-like nose?
05:44If you see anyone matching this description, call 911.
05:57What happened? Where am I?
06:12I'm in Porky's house.
06:17Porky's the suburban strangler!
06:23I gotta call 911.
06:25Ah, I don't remember the number for 911.
06:28Think.
06:29Think, man.
06:30I know.
06:31I'll call 411 and ask them for the number for 911.
06:34Ah!
06:35I don't know the number for 411.
06:37I'll call Bugs.
06:38He's filled with useless information like emergency phone numbers.
06:47He cut the phone line.
06:53Porky!
06:54You scared me.
06:55Not that you're scary.
06:56I just didn't expect you to be standing there like a psychopath.
06:58Not that you're a psychopath.
07:00Are you feeling better?
07:01Mm-hmm.
07:02Much better.
07:03All better, in fact.
07:04I should probably be getting home.
07:05I'm sure Bugs is back by now.
07:07Oh.
07:08Okay.
07:09I'll drive you.
07:10Wait.
07:11They say never let your attacker take you to a second location.
07:14What?
07:15If you drive me to my house, you'd be taking me to a second location.
07:18So?
07:19Nice try, Chubby.
07:21But you're not taking me anywhere.
07:23You think I'm chubby?
07:24You're not just chubby.
07:26You're chubby, short, and bald.
07:29With a pig-like nose.
07:31Ah!
07:32But you're rude.
07:33Awfully sensitive for a wanted killer.
07:37Thanks for getting all my stuff.
07:40I really feel like I'm at home.
07:43Remind me again why you're not at home?
07:46Because you're taking care of me, and you live here.
07:49See?
07:50I'm doing you a favor.
07:51Gee, thanks.
07:52You won't even know I'm here.
07:55Oh, Bugs?
07:56Yes?
07:57Oh, I'm kind of thirsty.
07:59Would you mind getting me a glass of milk?
08:03Milk.
08:04Oh, no, wait.
08:05I'm allergic to milk.
08:06How about a soda?
08:07Diet soda, though.
08:08Oh, no, wait.
08:09Regular soda.
08:10I need the calories.
08:11You know what?
08:12Sorry.
08:13Soda's bad for you.
08:14How about an orange juice?
08:15No.
08:16Wait.
08:17Apple juice.
08:18No.
08:19Orange juice.
08:20No.
08:21Just give me the milk and we'll see what happens.
08:23What's that?
08:24Water.
08:25Oh!
08:26It's just what I wanted.
08:31I gotta pee.
08:40When do you get your cast off again?
08:42Only six weeks.
08:51Canopy bed?
08:52Embroidered pillows?
08:53Lace curtains?
08:54This is either the bedroom of an 80-year-old woman or a deranged killer.
09:10No knives.
09:11No guns.
09:12No body parts.
09:13Great day in the morning.
09:14How many sunglasses does one pig need?
09:15Is it possible that Porky's not the suburban strangler?
09:17Could it be that he just happens to be chubby, short and bald?
09:18And I'm jumping to an outlandish conclusion because I'm a paranoid, hateful fear-mongerer?
09:31No, that's the face of a killer.
09:32No, that's the face of a killer.
09:46It's me.
09:47It has to be tonight.
09:48I think he's on to me.
09:49Come pick up Daffy when I'm done with him.
10:14He'll be in the garage.
10:16In the freezer.
10:19What is all this?
10:26I gotta get out of here.
10:32He's locked me in!
10:39Where are you going?
10:42Nowhere.
10:43I was just getting a little hungry.
10:45Let me make you something.
10:46How about a sandwich?
10:47Oh, why thank you.
10:48I would love a sandwich.
10:49He's toying with me.
10:50He's gonna chop me up into a million pieces.
10:51He's gonna cook me.
10:52He's gonna wear me.
10:53Wait a minute.
10:54Calm down.
10:55This is Porky you're talking about.
10:56You've known him your whole life.
10:58He wouldn't hurt a fly.
11:00He wouldn't hurt a fly.
11:01He's a sweetheart.
11:02Oh no.
11:03I've got Stockholm Syndrome.
11:05I've fallen in love with my captor.
11:06It's a chopped liver.
11:07Who's?
11:08What?
11:09You know what?
11:10I just realized I'm not hungry.
11:15I think I should fly back down.
11:22Sorry.
11:23Sorry.
11:24Sorry.
11:25Ah!
11:26Ah!
11:27Ah!
11:28Ah!
11:29Ah!
11:30хаah.
11:31Oh, no.
11:32You know what?
11:33I just realized I'm not hungry.
11:36We can now run.
11:37Ah!
11:39You know what?
11:42I just realized I'm not hungry.
11:46Sorry.
11:54What are you doing?
12:08Oh, is this not the bathroom?
12:11My mistake. I thought this was the bathroom.
12:14Why would you not go in there?
12:17I wouldn't dream of it.
12:20If you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to.
12:26I have some business to attend to.
12:29That's what a killer says right before he kills.
12:32Or is it, get in the van? No, it's I have some business to attend to.
12:44That poor woman.
13:01Well, at least it's over.
13:09Daffy?
13:11Can I help you?
13:23I thought I heard you downstairs.
13:26Nope. Been here the whole time. Just reading the paper.
13:30Yesterday's news.
13:38Can I bring you some tea?
13:40That sounds lovely.
13:42What could be in here?
13:56Bodies? Torture machines? Why do I want to go in there?
14:12Because I was told not to and I have a problem with authority.
14:23Hey Lola, I got your Chinese food.
14:26Lola?
14:27Lola?
14:28Coming!
14:29What is that?
14:34It's a stair lift.
14:36I felt so bad that you were having to carry me up and down,
14:38so I had one installed while you were gone.
14:40It's top of the line. That's why it's so quiet.
14:44Almost there.
14:46Here I go.
14:47Just a few more steps.
14:52Ooh.
14:53And...
14:56Almost there.
14:57Okay.
14:59Here I come.
15:02There.
15:03What's that?
15:05The Chinese food.
15:06That's not Chinese food.
15:07Chinese food's flat and round with cheese and tomato sauce
15:10and a bunch of different toppings.
15:12That's called pizza.
15:13Well, I don't know. I don't speak Chinese.
15:16Thanks!
15:18Oh, I think I have to pee again.
15:22Here we go.
15:23Now we're really...
15:25Here we go.
15:26Here we go.
15:27Here we go.
15:29Here we go.
15:30Here we go.
15:31Oh, my God.
16:01What are you doing in here?
16:07I know what you're up to.
16:10Either that you leave me no choice.
16:16Make it fast. I don't deserve to suffer.
16:19I mean, I probably do, but I don't want to.
16:25Happy birthday.
16:26Say what?
16:27I know it's early, but you said you knew my secret, so I hope you like it.
16:36A collage made out of assorted photos of me?
16:39What on earth would possess you to make something this creepy?
16:42Uh, because that's what you specifically told me you wanted for your birthday?
16:47You sent me the photos.
16:49So you don't want to murder me?
16:51Why would I want to murder you?
16:53Only a murderer would ask that question.
16:56RUN!
17:05RUN!
17:21Speedy!
17:23Speedy?
17:24What did you do to Speedy?
17:26Look who's got a wallet and keys now, chubby!
17:30Oh?
17:32Ah!
17:33Ah!
17:34Ah!
17:35Ah!
17:36Ah!
17:37Ah!
17:38Ah!
17:39Ah!
17:40Ah!
17:41Ah!
17:42Ah!
17:43Ah!
17:44Ah!
17:45Ah!
17:46Ah!
17:47Ah!
17:48Ah!
17:49Ah!
17:50Ah!
17:51Ah!
17:52Ah!
17:53Ah!
17:54Ah!
17:55Ah!
17:56Ah!
17:58Ah!
17:59Ah!
18:01Six weeks.
18:02Ah!
18:04Ah!
18:05Ah!
18:06That's a good way to kill somebody!
18:09Ah!
18:10Ah!
18:11Ah!
18:13Ah!
18:15Ah!
18:17Ah!
18:18Ah!
18:21Ah!
18:24Ah!
18:25In your face!
18:50Oh no! I'm too late!
18:53Speedy!
18:57Surprise!
19:03Oh, I missed it.
19:05Happy early birthday, Daffy!
19:07Pinky was planning to throw this on your actual birthday,
19:10but he called and said we'd have to do it tonight
19:12because you were getting suspicious.
19:14You're lucky to have such a nice friend.
19:17Nice friend? Or the Suburban Strangler?
19:21The Suburban Strangler?
19:23What?
19:24I mean, not the Suburban Strangler.
19:26He trapped me in his home.
19:27He locked the door so I couldn't escape!
19:30What? The door wasn't locked.
19:32Well, then, how come I couldn't just open it like this?
19:36This!
19:41No, just pull it, man. It's not that heavy.
19:44Kids use it all the time. Little kids!
19:47It doesn't matter.
19:52What does matter is that you cut the phone line so I couldn't call for help.
19:58Are you talking about the phone in the guest room?
20:00It's an antique.
20:02Just for decoration.
20:04Then how do you explain the blood on your hands?
20:07This is paint for the banner I made for your party.
20:10You may have all these people fooled,
20:16but I saw you murder a woman!
20:20What?
20:21With a chainsaw!
20:24That was an ice sculpture.
20:26Of you!
20:32What's going on?
20:34Daffy's surprise party.
20:36I thought that was supposed to be next week.
20:40We interrupt this program with a special alert.
20:43The Suburban Strangler has been captured.
20:51You gotta admit there's a strong resemblance.
20:53Am I right?
21:00If anyone's gonna mighty you, it's me.
21:02What's that thing?
21:05Don't worry.
21:06I'm getting rid of it.
21:09I got your pizza.
21:11What is this?
21:12I didn't know when you'd be back, so I ordered Chinese food.
21:15You want some?
21:18You can really taste the Kung Pao.
21:20It's strong.
21:23Oh, no.
21:24You're not getting rid of this.
21:26I'm never walking upstairs again.
21:32Mmm.
21:33Mmm.
21:34Mmm.
21:35Mmm!