ES S02 E03 Sex Therapy - gay theme series - video Dailymotion

The Gaymer

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Transcript

00:00We have to be really quiet, okay?

00:04We can't get in trouble if she can't find us, right?

00:08Right?

00:10We are invisible in here because this fort has magical powers.

00:15Yeah.

00:15Yeah?

00:16Mm-hmm.

00:17I know.

00:18Besides, it wouldn't be fair if Brie got mad at us

00:21because she's the one who came home early.

00:24We were obviously going to clean up the living room

00:27before she got here

00:28after we saved the handsome prince from the dragon, of course.

00:32No.

00:33Well, I really hope they get done

00:35with their very progressive-sounding quest soon

00:38because I left yoga early

00:39because Vera called and said she has the afternoon off

00:42and she's on her way home

00:43and we really should clean this mess up right now.

00:47Hi, sweetie.

00:49What the hell happened?

00:50Jeremy.

00:52Sorry.

00:53She can't see us now.

00:59Jeremy?

01:00Hi, kiddo.

01:17Jesus Christ, you scared me.

01:18I solved another one this afternoon.

01:21This calls for some champagne.

01:27Thank you, but it's early even for me.

01:31All right.

01:32Suit yourself.

01:38You should be proud of what you've done.

01:40It's really commercially viable.

01:43High praise.

01:44I mean, it's not high art.

01:46Come on.

01:48But you've sold a lot of prints.

01:51And I'd fuck every one of these guys.

01:54Honestly, I've fucked a lot of these guys.

01:58Small world.

02:00Let's do a solo show next month.

02:03What?

02:05It's settled.

02:07I don't want to scare you,

02:08but I'll invite a few key people

02:10to the opening.

02:12Important.

02:14Awful people.

02:15One in particular.

02:16No spoilers.

02:18This could be really big for you.

02:20It goes well.

02:22Fingers crossed, I guess.

02:24And you should think of spending

02:25some time in New York.

02:27And maybe set something up

02:28at our space there.

02:29That'd be amazing.

02:30Yeah.

02:31Great.

02:31I always wanted to do something.

02:33Oh, right.

02:40That thing we talked about.

02:42We don't have to kiss.

02:43You just want to take off your clothes?

02:47You know, we can't really.

02:49It's not that I don't want to.

02:51I just...

02:53Don't insult me.

02:55Don't flatter yourself.

02:56You don't have to do anything.

02:57You just sell, you know,

02:59some of these art things.

03:02Or, you know,

03:03fade into obscurity.

03:07How's the new assistant working out?

03:08Mm.

03:10He's straight.

03:11Sex is amazing.

03:13What's his exhibit?

03:14Never.

03:15God, please.

03:17What do you take me for?

03:19Although I may let him move in here

03:20if you decide to go to New York City.

03:25You really think I should go?

03:27Like I said,

03:29we'll see.

03:46Where are you going?

03:47Lunch is almost ready.

03:49We'll run.

03:49I'll be back in 30.

03:52Okay, then.

03:55Uh, wasn't Jeremy supposed

03:56to clean up this shit?

03:57This junk?

03:59Wasn't Jeremy supposed

03:59to clean up this junk.

04:02Sorry.

04:03Bye.

04:04Bye.

04:10Where do you think

04:11you're going?

04:12I'm really sorry.

04:13I have a job interview.

04:15You should just help me

04:16clean this shit up.

04:17It's junk up.

04:18You should start

04:18helping me clean up the house.

04:19I will.

04:20I promise.

04:20As soon as I get home.

04:21I don't know, I might have aFirst

04:38con, but what do you think he says meanwhile?

04:41So what do you want to do?

04:45You tell me, Doc.

04:47Well, we could go to the park,

04:50or a museum.

04:52We could see a movie.

04:54Okay.

04:55Anything you want to see?

04:57Sounds good.

04:59Or we could kill Anita Oboe.

05:02Sure.

05:04You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?

05:07No.

05:08I meant it.

05:10I'm not just looking for a fuck buddy.

05:14You want me to leave?

05:16Yeah.

05:18Get the fuck out of here.

05:31Who is that?

05:32Girlfriend.

05:33Girlfriend?

05:34Ex-girlfriend. Sorry.

05:36Right. The original Asian.

05:39Don't worry, I'm not jealous.

05:41I'm married.

05:43You're married?

05:45I've been with my wife for...

05:47Jesus.

05:49Eight years.

05:51You're gay married?

05:53Well, fiance, technically.

05:55But we have kids.

05:57Does she know?

05:59I don't see how that's any of your business.

06:01I need to get to work.

06:03Gotta provide for my family.

06:05I will call you.

06:07You do not call me.

06:11And every time I call you,

06:13you're gonna hate yourself.

06:15But no matter what, you are always gonna pick up.

06:19You are always gonna say hello, when and where.

06:25Got it?

06:27Good boy.

06:29All right, let's give it up for Kansas.

06:41Don't know what his name is, but he's from Kansas.

06:47Drink up, y'all.

06:49Drink and tip.

06:51Bill!

06:52Oh, Jesus.

06:53Hi.

06:54Hi.

06:55How are you, Tony Girl?

06:56Tom Cruise?

06:57Tom Cruise.

06:58That'd be fun.

06:59Let's go on a gay cruise.

07:00Where's your other drunker half?

07:01Um, just running late.

07:03Mmm.

07:04Thank you for coming day drinking.

07:05Monday's my fun day.

07:06Do you want another one?

07:07I'd love another one.

07:08Come on.

07:09I've got tickets.

07:11Oh, no.

07:12Yeah.

07:13Oh, don't tell me that you're promoting this,

07:14because it's so dead.

07:15I'm sorry.

07:16Oh, God, no.

07:17I just get the tickets from behind the bar,

07:18and nobody seems to question me.

07:19Ah.

07:20Hi.

07:21Hi.

07:22Hi.

07:23Hi.

07:24I'm Tim Tom.

07:25I know.

07:26We've met.

07:27Yeah.

07:28Yeah, let them eat cake.

07:29Off with their heads.

07:30Oh, you're Gamora Ray.

07:31Uh-huh.

07:32Yeah, but I'm retiring that name.

07:33She don't go here no more.

07:34I'm coming up with something new and fresh.

07:35Let's...

07:36We're gonna call you Tituba?

07:37Or...

07:38No?

07:39Um, how about you, Dolores Gayborn?

07:41Cookies galore?

07:42All of them make me sound plus size.

07:44Okay.

07:45Crystal meth?

07:46Parents, Amber Alert.

07:47Uh, what else?

07:48Um, gay panic.

07:49Uh, Marsha Gayhartan.

07:50Give him a gay heart on.

07:52I'm late.

07:53Hi.

07:54Hey, Quincy.

07:55Hi, I'm Douglas, but you may know me from my greater works as Tony, an Oscar award-winning

07:59actor and activist.

08:00Are you gay heart on?

08:01It's nice to meet you, Marsha.

08:03Why aren't you in drag?

08:04That's tacky.

08:05Day drag?

08:06I don't do brunches.

08:07She don't work brunches.

08:08So how long have you guys been making out in bars together?

08:10For like a week.

08:11Yeah.

08:12Whatever.

08:13I saw you necking with that Tiresias piece at Sodom.

08:15What?

08:16On the sidewalk.

08:17You did?

08:18The bar.

08:19Wait a minute.

08:20What?

08:21I'm gonna get us some drinks.

08:22Sure.

08:23All right.

08:24Give it up for Kansas.

08:26It's 2 p.m. on a Monday, so if you're here, you are obviously an alcoholic and a slut.

08:33I literally can't believe Kathy didn't tell me.

08:37She doesn't know exactly.

08:39Oh, thank God.

08:40But you didn't tell Kathy.

08:41My family never came up, and I don't see how it's anybody's business.

08:44I can totally understand why you didn't tell her, because she's so nosy.

08:47But you really should have told me, because I'm like your best friend, right?

08:51But now that I know, because I didn't know, I'd like to know all the details.

08:54Like, what are the terms?

08:56Can you be specific?

08:57The terms?

08:58I'd like to know the legalese.

08:59Can you bang anybody anytime, anywhere?

09:00Or is it a don't ask, don't tell thing?

09:02Yeah.

09:03Does that dick need to get pre-approved at Citi?

09:05Um...

09:06Well, I wouldn't say that we're in an open religion.

09:08No, no, no.

09:09Yeah.

09:10Please.

09:11Well, I mean, I think that we both have to be there.

09:12Yes.

09:13All right.

09:14I agree.

09:15For, like, fisting.

09:16Yeah, for fisting.

09:17Well, fisting especially.

09:18I mean, we don't want to miss that.

09:19Yeah.

09:20But, I mean, if it's just kissing, then I don't know.

09:24Well, what's the difference?

09:26Okay.

09:27Um, Paul tried to kiss me this afternoon, incidentally.

09:31Score.

09:32You did.

09:35I didn't even do it, and you're already jealous.

09:37No, I'm not jealous.

09:38You're totally jealous.

09:39You're jealous.

09:40Not jealous.

09:41You seem jealous.

09:42No, I'm not jealous.

09:43But you seem super jealous.

09:44But I'm not.

09:45I'm just...

09:46I just, um...

09:48Maybe...

09:49Maybe I'd like to be there.

09:51Seriously?

09:52Yeah.

09:53I mean, maybe I'd like to be included in something like that.

09:55Maybe I wish you would include me.

09:57That's so romantic.

09:58We should open up our relationship.

09:59We're in a relationship?

10:00Yeah.

10:01If you weren't so afraid of commitment...

10:02I'm not afraid of commitment.

10:03I'm not afraid of commitment.

10:04You're afraid of commitment.

10:05That's your drag name.

10:06Afrida Commitment.

10:07This is so embarrassing.

10:08I don't know.

10:09It's terrible.

10:10It's so good.

10:11Bye.

10:12Somebody's got a bone.

10:13She had a bone.

10:14That's a great name too.

10:15That's your name.

10:16If the shoe fits, I'll be your Cinderella.

10:17Like Brandy's Cinderella, or Leslie Noir's Cinderella?

10:18Brandy.

10:19I don't have any barista experience, but I did live in Portland for a few years.

10:24Listen, I am a catch, and any coffee shop would be lucky to have me.

10:28You have to make latte art.

10:29Like what?

10:30Make cards.

10:31There's a line.

10:32What about a leaf or a spiral?

10:35I just cannot have a serious relationship.

10:38Are you going to order anything?

10:39I don't have any money.

10:41I could spot you.

10:43Seriously?

10:44Yeah.

10:45What do you want?

10:47I'll have a large almond milk latte, please, with a leaf.

10:52Extra hot.

10:53Two less, please.

10:55Good deed for the day done, huh?

11:01I guess so.

11:02I'm Hillary.

11:03Yeah.

11:04You seem like a nice guy.

11:06I've been told that before.

11:08Do you want a girlfriend?

11:09I do.

11:10Thank God.

11:11I thought the universe was fucking with me.

11:14What?

11:15I, uh...

11:16It's like a fairy tale, isn't it?

11:21I don't know.

11:22I don't know.

11:23I don't know.

11:24Do you really want to watch me with Paul?

11:26Yeah, I would.

11:27Even though he's married?

11:28He's married?

11:29I've never told you that.

11:30No.

11:31He's married.

11:32Do you want to find someone else?

11:33Like tonight?

11:34Well, it's kind of dead in there.

11:35How about your phone?

11:36Yeah, I could check it.

11:37What the fuck?

11:38Uh...

11:39This is actually starting to feel kind of desperate.

11:40Whoa!

11:41Hey, actually, um...

11:42There's this guy that I work with...

11:44Well, it's kind of dead in there.

11:47How about your phone?

11:48Yeah, you can check it.

11:50Oh, fuck.

11:58This is actually starting to feel kind of desperate.

12:01Whoa.

12:03Hey, actually, um, there's this guy that I work with.

12:07We could call him.

12:09I mean, I'm cool with whatever tonight, but I'm also totally fine just...

12:14I'm going home with you.

12:20Tom.

12:22Uh, excuse me.

12:24Uh, Jared, uh, this is Jared.

12:30We work together.

12:32Oh, hi, Jared.

12:33I'm Cal.

12:35Hello, Cal.

12:37I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.

12:39No, no, no.

12:41No, you weren't interrupting anything.

12:44She was willing to get a drink?

12:51Sure.

12:51Yeah.

12:52Oh, that was amazing.

13:01Oh, you boys are amazing.

13:16Yeah, you're also amazing.

13:20Wait, what?

13:21Oh.

13:22What's going on?

13:23Thinking about what my mother would say.

13:25Oh, really?

13:27I take it she would not approve?

13:29Quite the opposite, actually.

13:31Really?

13:32I don't know.

13:32You should be grateful.

13:33Not many mums are so sex-positive.

13:36My mother has convinced herself that I have no penis.

13:40She is a Brahmin, and she won't even eat onions because she thinks that they make you laugh.

13:44No, I hate onions.

13:47I kind of admit it, I hate onions.

13:48I hate Brahmin's.

13:51If you don't mind asking, how long have you boys been doing this?

13:54You are a second.

13:55Really?

13:56Yeah, yeah, but we were really good at that, right?

13:59He was so amazing.

14:01It's like you got it down.

14:02I thought I was a hundred.

14:04I don't know.

14:05I just sense a lot of history between you guys.

14:09Well, we've been together for five years.

14:10Wow, really?

14:12Uh-huh.

14:13Wait, you guys don't live together?

14:17We used to.

14:19Live together?

14:22You know what I think?

14:23I think this is really good for the two of you, this new kind of intimacy.

14:27I think it's really exciting.

14:31Oh, yeah?

14:32Yeah, I do.

14:33And what makes you an expert on us?

14:36How?

14:37No, fair enough.

14:39I'm a sex therapist.

14:40Oh, well, I will be once I get my fucking internship at us done.

14:44So this is like free couples counseling.

14:46How lucky.

14:54You're getting push notifications on your sex app.

14:57Maybe.

14:58Let me see.

15:02Actually, I know this guy.

15:04I took his portrait, and he's using it as his profile picture.

15:08What do you think?

15:13Shit.

15:14I love it.

15:17You do?

15:18Is that okay to say that?

15:19Is that narcissistic?

15:20Well, like, as long as you don't stare, it's so long to get your roots or anything.

15:24Literary.

15:25And tempting.

15:26I'm very good looking, and this bed is very comfortable.

15:29You could sleep here if you want.

15:32That's okay.

15:32I don't want to intrude.

15:33Well, maybe Cal is a secret intruder fantasy.

15:36Yeah.

15:36Whore.

15:36You wish.

15:37Oh, my God.

15:39I want to take you guys on a date.

15:40What do you think?

15:41To the sock hop.

15:42Yes, to the sock hop.

15:44No, I could make dinner, and you guys could blow me.

15:46How about that?

15:47That sounds fun.

15:48It's settled.

15:49I'll make a stew.

15:50That's a weird thing to do.

15:52Beef and onions sound good?

15:53Beef and onions sound great.

15:55Yes.

15:55I am a vegetarian.

15:56And he hates onions.

15:58And I hate onions.

15:59We'll figure something out.

16:01But I got to get going, because I have to work at the farmer's market in the morning.

16:04Yeah, of course I do.

16:07One more thing before you go.

16:15Mmm.

16:20That was the best sex of your life.

16:30My life.

16:31That was the best sex of our life.

16:34That's why.

16:36That was the best sex of our life.

16:37That's for our life.

16:38Holy shit.

16:41I love you.

16:45I love you.

16:48I'm going to get cleaned up.

16:49Yeah.

16:51Oh, fuck.

16:52I feel good.

16:53It's pretty normal after sex.

16:55No, no.

16:55I mean, I feel good about our lives.

16:58I'm writing fairly consistently.

17:00It's not anything that anyone else is going to want to publish.

17:03But, hey, hey, at least I'm writing.

17:07And you've got that gallery show coming up.

17:09I mean, we're happy.

17:14You made me onto something with this whole libertine thing.

17:17You think?

17:17Oh, towel service.

17:20Nice.

17:22Thanks.

17:24I'm going to head out, okay?

17:25So, you guys have a nice night.

17:27Oh, you too.

17:28Gary.

17:29Yeah, we skipped that part, huh?

17:31Uh-huh.

17:33I'm Tom.

17:34I'm Cal.

17:35Can I get a ride from one of you, or do you want me to call a car?

17:39Yeah, I can drive you.

17:40Great.

17:41Cool.

17:41I'm going to make a phone call.

17:43Five minutes?

17:43Hmm.

17:44God, I was just like, like, mean.

17:56Like, sexually.

17:57I just...

17:57I wanted it to end just immediately.

18:02Yeah, I know.

18:03You just, like, threw him at me.

18:04Survival instincts.

18:05Sorry.

18:07And he looked so nice in his profile picture.

18:09You know, he was on the beach.

18:09He was smiling.

18:11You know, I think that we should just not meet up with any guys that we've never met before.

18:15Yeah, maybe.

18:16Yeah.

18:16Yeah, personal connection is really important.

18:19That's what I'm saying.

18:25I don't know.

18:25I just feel really close to you guys.

18:28Like, I feel like we have a connection.

18:31You know, like, I feel like I could tell you guys things.

18:37Three years ago, I killed someone.

18:41Maybe, or at least I thought I did.

18:43And I, uh, ran over what I thought was a deer.

18:48But it was a woman.

18:53So I stopped and I got out.

18:56And that's when I saw her.

18:58And the blood.

19:01I got the blood.

19:01It was just all over everything.

19:04All over the street.

19:08And I just drove off.

19:13And for years, I thought that I had killed this girl.

19:20Until last week, I, um, I finally turned myself over to the police.

19:23And it turned out that her body had been dumped there.

19:31It was dumped there like a bag of meat.

19:38So they let me off with a warning.

19:41That's a lot to process.

19:44I'm writing an album of songs about it.

19:48It's called Blood Street.

19:52Do you guys bear back?

19:54No.

19:55No.

19:56I just, like, opened up to you guys.

19:59Like, I thought we were, like, at that place.

20:01No.

20:01No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

20:03Scaredy cat.

20:04Excuse me?

20:06Your cat.

20:06He's a scaredy cat.

20:08Hiding under the bed.

20:09He doesn't hide under the bed in my apartment.

20:11Well, that's because you sleep on a mattress on the floor.

20:12Oh, my God.

20:13Do you sleep with the mattress on the floor?

20:15Me, too.

20:16We have a lot in common.

20:17Usually cats really love me.

20:19Yeah?

20:20Yeah.

20:20I mean, I grew up with them.

20:22Six of them.

20:22So, you know, they know that I know them.

20:26You know, where they come from.

20:27Yeah.

20:27You know what I mean?

20:28Yeah.

20:29Yeah.

20:29No.

20:31What do you mean?

20:32Their planet.

20:34Luminata.

20:37Where did you guys think cats came from?

20:39Cats are aliens.

20:41No.

20:41Oh, my God.

20:42No.

20:43That's really offensive.

20:45But, no, they're spiritual vessels for higher beings.

20:48I mean, it's like read a book once in a while.

20:50Yeah.

20:50I mean, technically, the spiritual vessels are alien, but they don't really like to be condescended

20:57to, nor do I.

21:00Oh, well, we just have never heard this before.

21:04No, you haven't.

21:05It's because of the media.

21:06It's the media.

21:07Do not watch anything you see on TV.

21:10Do you know this actor Alec Baldwin?

21:12Yeah.

21:13Yeah.

21:13Yeah, he's the worst.

21:14He's the worst out of all of them.

21:15He's trying to get inside of me.

21:18So, do you guys bear back?

21:22No.

21:24Okay.

21:25I still love you.

21:26You guys seem a little tense.

21:34It's just that we've had some off experiences lately.

21:37I'm half expecting you to be crazy.

21:39I'm sorry.

21:40You haven't ever thought you accidentally killed someone only to later find out that they were

21:45already dead?

21:46I think I know what's going on here.

21:48Look, boys, everybody goes through a version of this.

21:51It's perfectly normal.

21:52With what?

21:53Well, you guys have to be more selective.

21:56I mean, we always say, in therapy, that you need to make sure that you're mutually compatible

22:01with someone before you bring them home.

22:02You don't need to just fuck someone out of politeness.

22:05That makes a lot of sense.

22:07You need to make sure that both of you are equally interested in the third party before

22:13you bring them in to your relationship unit.

22:16So we have to get to know them?

22:18Yes.

22:20Great, great development.

22:21You guys are coming along so well.

22:23Get to know them, get to understand them, get to understand each other.

22:27We just don't want it to seem like we're dating another person, you know?

22:30You and I, we work together.

22:31We have a relationship at work.

22:33We also have a relationship outside of work.

22:35And I'd like to think that's not only because, you know, I'm kind of easy.

22:40You're very easy.

22:41Oh, really?

22:42You can also be very hard.

22:50How is that?

22:50Oh, man.

22:52I, uh, I don't usually do this.

22:55Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

22:57Us either.

22:58Never.

22:58Have you guys been tested recently?

23:01Last month.

23:02And it was...

23:04Oh, we were fine.

23:05Golden.

23:06Okay, good.

23:07We should probably all ask that before we have sex next time, I guess.

23:13Yeah.

23:14I mean, well, I have to say that I was kind of surprised by that.

23:18Good surprise.

23:20Well, I just, I thought that you guys were friendzoning me.

23:23I mean, you, like, you Facebooked me.

23:25I think it's important to go through the friendzone so that you can reach the sex area.

23:31And, like, a fun day trip.

23:33Like, Palm Springs.

23:34I'm sorry.

23:35I want to go to Palm Springs.

23:37I also want to go to Palm Springs.

23:38Yeah.

23:38I actually, I have a place in Palm Springs.

23:41Are you serious?

23:41Yeah.

23:42You have a fucking place in Palm Springs?

23:44No, I mean...

23:44Oh, you're fucking with us.

23:45No, I really do.

23:46You guys are welcome to come.

23:48Really?

23:48Yeah, absolutely.

23:49It'll be really fun.

23:50A place in Palm Springs.

23:51Of course.

23:52Of course.

23:53What do you mean, of course?

23:54No, I just mean, it's just, um...

23:57Um, our lives have just gotten so much more gay in the last couple weeks is all.

24:01Well, gay is good.

24:02It means that you're happy.

24:03Yeah.

24:04Yeah.

24:04But it also means, like, brightly colored and showy.

24:10Are you making fun of my underwear?

24:12No.

24:13It's all right.

24:15You're gonna be sorry.

24:17Yeah, you're gonna be sorry.

24:18Oh.

24:20Yeah.

24:21That feel good?

24:23A little rough.

24:23Yeah.

24:24You like it, huh?

24:25You like it rough?

24:26You told me you like it rough.

24:27How you like your frat boy fantasies, huh?

24:30It's gonna be good.

24:30Come on.

24:31You're gonna like it.

24:32I promise you're gonna like it.

24:33Yeah.

24:34Hop on that pledge.

24:35Hop on that.

24:36God cow!

24:37Gotcha!

24:38You guys have come so far.

24:42I've learned so much working with the two of you this past month.

24:45I just wish it counted towards my fucking internship hours.

24:48Listen, you know, it's interesting.

24:54What?

24:55I don't really understand jealousy anymore.

24:58Yeah, you still?

24:59Yeah, definitely.

24:59It's what changed.

25:04We did, I think.

25:12I've just never felt closer to you.

25:15To anyone.

25:16I can't shake the feeling that I've somehow become incredibly naive.

25:23Is that possible?

25:25Can you become naive?

25:28I don't know.

25:30Are you still having fun?

25:31I'm still having fun.

25:33Are you still having fun?

25:35Are we having too much fun?

25:38There's no such thing.

25:39There's no such thing.

26:09I've been thinking of my fun.

26:14I've been thinking of my fun.

26:15I've been thinking of my fun.

26:17Yeah.

26:17I've been thinking of my fun.

26:21I've been thinking of my fun.

26:21I'll never say anything.

26:22've been thinking of my fun.

26:22I've been thinking of my fun.

26:23That's right.

26:24I think it's just that.

26:25I'm thinking of them.

26:25I'll never try now.

26:26I'm thinking of me you.

26:28I don't know.

26:29I should.

26:30You

ES S02 E03 Sex Therapy - gay theme series

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