ES S02 E01 Weirder Than Normal - gay theme series - video Dailymotion

The Gaymer

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Transcript

00:00Standing on my bed

00:30He's in the shower. He's showering. Yeah, it's pretty normal. What? From the threesome?

00:49I would say that a shower is probably what most people think about. Thank you.

00:54So, what exactly happened last night? Seriously? Well, I can put two or two together. Well, you don't have to, because there was only three of us. Very funny. I remember the sex part. I just don't really remember how we got to the sex part. I thought we changed our minds outside of the bar. No, no, no. But then we changed them back. That's the part that's missing. Well, nobody roofied you or anything, Cal, if that's what you're insinuating. I wasn't insinuating that I was roofied.

01:22Actually, um, you might have roofied yourself with that last round of shots you bought.

01:27I always do this. You always do this? No, Tom, I've obviously never done this. It's actually not that obvious. Come here.

01:40Don't you at least remember having some fun? Actually, yeah. Yeah? I remember a lot of fun.

01:46I haven't even stopped batting so much. It was fun, man. Fuck, that's him. What do we do?

01:51Um, just freeze, because he can only see movement.

01:57Oh, fuck, yeah. Coffee. Yeah, sorry that we, uh, we don't have, like, a hot breakfast or anything.

02:04That's cool.

02:05I think that's my shirt on the counter.

02:17I should probably get going soon anyway. I have to be at the office in 30.

02:20Work in an office.

02:22Well, eventually I want to go pro with this whole threesome thing.

02:25But in the meantime, I'm an executive assistant.

02:27Thanks for a really fun night.

02:39Yeah.

02:42And you.

02:46Thanks.

02:47Should I just cancel time?

02:48Yeah, definitely.

02:49Hmm.

02:49What?

02:57Should do this again sometime.

02:59Yeah, definitely.

03:00Come on, it was fun.

03:02You, you yourself said that you had a really good time.

03:04Did he even use condoms?

03:06Yeah, like six, according to the trash can.

03:08Great.

03:09That's great.

03:11I'm really looking forward to reading your essay on this.

03:13I'm glad you finally got that empirical evidence you've been looking for that everybody on the planet is as depraved as you are.

03:19Wait, mom will be thrilled.

03:20We're not telling my mother.

03:22Relax, she's not talking to me.

03:24And she even friended me on Facebook.

03:26Well, you broke her heart.

03:28She thought you were the one.

03:32I feel good about this.

03:39Do you not feel good about this?

03:41Oh, no.

03:43You're not going to break up with me again, are we dating?

03:46Yeah.

03:46Is that what this is?

03:49I think so.

03:50I should get going, too.

03:51And here are my clothes.

03:53Really?

03:54Yeah, Tom.

03:56I should get back to the apartment that I live in.

03:59Alone.

04:01Well, with the cat.

04:03I do have custody of the cat this week.

04:06Mm-hmm.

04:07I just don't want things to be weird between us or anything.

04:11Oh, things are definitely weird.

04:14Maybe not any weirder than normal.

04:16Well, what am I supposed to do?

04:23I think you're supposed to take a shower.

04:25I've heard that.

04:28You should probably wash the sheets.

04:30I hope you're settling in okay?

04:43Hey, Gabby, it's me.

04:56I hope you're settling in okay.

04:58This is going well.

05:00I'm just calling because I did something kind of fucking insane last night

05:03and I'm probably going to cut my dick off.

05:06No fucking laugh.

05:08Hillary?

05:10Carolyn?

05:10I came as soon as I heard.

05:14Oh my God, are you okay?

05:16I'm fine.

05:16As soon as you heard what?

05:18Bro, you and Tom, the devastation, the lies.

05:22Mom put it in her newsletter.

05:23She did.

05:24I'm so fucked up that you were the one that had to move.

05:27I was so looking forward to staying in that place.

05:29He is the one that should have had to move, obviously.

05:31Why would Tom have to move?

05:33We're talking about Tom here.

05:34I can make a few extrapolations.

05:37Mom said everyone who's SA in France magazine.

05:39The Paris Review.

05:40They are livid.

05:41Actually, we are dating again.

05:43Mom must have left that part out.

05:45Are we even friends on Facebook?

05:47Calvin, I am your sister.

05:48We're family on Facebook.

05:49I've just been on a social media clinic for the last few months.

05:51Seriously?

05:52Yeah, it's a real thing.

05:53I moved to Portland, by the way.

05:58That fucking place.

06:00Everyone there is crazy.

06:02I mean, I don't mind hipsters, obviously,

06:05but you at least wash your hair.

06:06I mean, what's left of it?

06:07What did you do?

06:08What did you do?

06:09Everyone there is covered in dirt and organic coffee grounds,

06:12and they're liars.

06:13They just lie to you like it's nothing.

06:16You brought a lot of suitcases.

06:18I'm still in love with him.

06:20What is wrong with me?

06:21I don't know.

06:22He kicked me out.

06:23Isn't that crazy?

06:24You think we can get all this in one trip?

06:38You can't tell Mom I'm here, or that I was in Portland.

06:41She still thinks I'm doing Teach for America.

06:42I thought you were doing the Peace Corps.

06:44I was going to.

06:45I was thinking about it.

06:47Hillary, what are you doing here?

06:50I'm visiting you.

06:52You could have called.

06:53Since when did I talk on the phone?

06:55You know what?

06:56That is exactly why I am here.

06:59I don't know you anymore, Calvin.

07:01Used to be my little gay buddy.

07:02Please don't start calling me that shit.

07:03Used to like it.

07:04I was five.

07:05I didn't know what it meant.

07:06Calvin, I want to be here for you in your time of need.

07:09I want to get to know the big gay man you've become.

07:11Well, for starters, nobody calls me Calvin.

07:13You think he knows somebody, and then they change.

07:18Just like that.

07:20Are we still talking about me?

07:21It was awful, Calvin.

07:24It was bad.

07:26It was really bad.

07:31I'm here.

07:32Should I call him?

07:33No.

07:34I should call him.

07:35Mm-mm.

07:36Do you have anything to drink?

07:39I'm trying to keep that shit out of the house.

07:40Why?

07:41Because I'm an alcoholic.

07:43So?

07:44Yeah.

07:44I'm going to have some ginger oil.

07:47Perfect.

07:48I've got whiskey.

07:51No.

07:52You get to go insane.

07:58I give up.

08:00Shit.

08:01I need the key.

08:07Another one.

08:08Please.

08:08Are you sure?

08:11I miss brunch.

08:12I ordered eggs, okay?

08:14You all right, mate?

08:16I slept in my car outside my girlfriend's house.

08:19Why?

08:21Because I was drunk, and I'm responsible, and she's a bitch.

08:25And then my phone died, and I overslept, and now she's gone, and I didn't even get to say

08:29goodbye to her.

08:31Where'd she go?

08:31She's doing the non-equity tour of cats.

08:34It's a really great opportunity.

08:38It's not me, buddy.

08:40You're a nice man, Tom.

08:41I try.

08:45Maybe pour me another one.

08:46Oh, sit down there, Cal.

08:48She's just, she's the worst person.

08:51She's, she's nasty, cold, so cold.

08:55She's, she's just the worst.

08:56Hey, eat up.

08:58I brought you extra bread.

09:02I'm Ian.

09:03I'm Jared.

09:04I'm training.

09:05He's training.

09:06You're doing great.

09:08Oh, thank you.

09:09So, did you guys get in a fight or something?

09:11No, we didn't.

09:12She did.

09:13She got in a fight with me.

09:15I know exactly how eggs feel.

09:18Sorry, eggs.

09:20Well, you guys will get through it.

09:22That's exactly what I'm afraid of.

09:24What if she comes back?

09:25What if this is it?

09:25What if this is how things are for the rest of my life?

09:29Try being gay?

09:32I'm thinking about it.

09:38No fucking way.

09:40Excuse me.

09:42Kathy?

09:44What the hell are you doing here?

09:46Who's Gabby?

09:47Sorry.

09:48I'm a little drunk.

09:50Did you just mistake me for another Asian?

09:53Yes, but not just because you're Asian.

09:56Right.

09:57And this other Asian girl, is she your Asian girlfriend?

10:00Technically, no.

10:01But she used to be.

10:03You like Asians.

10:04You live in Silver Lake.

10:06I get it.

10:06You're unique.

10:08Shouldn't you be wearing vintage glasses?

10:09I'm sorry.

10:10I should be.

10:11I'm going to get back to my eggs.

10:13Why don't you walk me to my car?

10:15Really?

10:23What are you doing?

10:26Fetishizing you.

10:27But what's your name?

10:29Lucy Liu.

10:31Lisa Ling.

10:33Sandra Oh.

10:34Oh, God.

10:47Where's your friend?

10:49Uh, Ian?

10:50He's probably crawled up outside his girlfriend's apartment in the fetal position.

10:54You know what he forgot to pay?

10:55I'll give you a manager's card so you can comp it.

10:57Just don't tell anyone.

10:57You're too good to me.

11:01But seriously, you're like the best trainer that I've had here.

11:05It's your first shift.

11:06You should let me buy you a drink after work.

11:08You know, to say thank you and thank you.

11:11Should I?

11:12Mm-hmm.

11:13I'd love to, but I'm meeting my boyfriend.

11:18Too bad for me.

11:21Maybe.

11:21Well, maybe we could all go get a drink or something later this week.

11:27Yeah.

11:29I've just moved here, so I'm basically like always free.

11:35I'm going to put my number in, and that way you can call me.

11:42There you go.

11:48I'm going to go get back to my very important job.

11:51Hey.

12:04Hey.

12:05What's wrong?

12:06Just fast?

12:07It's not my fault.

12:08This is at my apartment.

12:10Don't tell me Kathy got fired already.

12:11Who hates you more than Kathy?

12:13Your mom?

12:14Who hates you less than my mom?

12:16Oh, it's your sister?

12:17Tom says hi.

12:18Hi, Tom.

12:19Anyway, we should probably talk about that thing that happened.

12:24I just don't want to make a big fucking deal about it.

12:27Why do we have to make such a big fucking deal about it?

12:28Because it is a big fucking deal, Tom.

12:30Because things are changing inexorably, okay?

12:33Inexorably.

12:38Okay.

12:39Calvin, what if I jump?

12:42If I just, like, jump?

12:43I mean, what the fuck would you do?

12:45I got to go.

12:46Ow.

12:59Wow.

13:00Yeah.

13:04Do you mind if I smoke?

13:06You got a prescription for that?

13:20Of course.

13:22That's a relief.

13:25Let me guess.

13:26Stress.

13:29What are you, a cop?

13:30No, I'm a doctor.

13:35Remember, I told you I was a doctor.

13:38You said that was hot.

13:40On the, uh...

13:41Right.

13:49I also have a prescription.

13:54Sorry I couldn't make you yesterday.

13:57Glad I got to see you today, though.

13:58I started to think I was never going to see you again.

14:05It was not, like, an avoiding you thing.

14:07I've just been kind of avoiding everybody.

14:11Want to talk about it?

14:14Work is boring.

14:16And probably not your work.

14:19You know, saving lives.

14:21Well, I'm a pediatrician, but sure.

14:26What do you do?

14:27I make furniture.

14:30For rich lesbians.

14:32So, kind of similar.

14:36Hmm.

14:39I should probably get back to it.

14:49Right.

14:49I mean, I have fun.

14:57No.

14:59Don't do me any favors.

15:01You know, anonymous fun,

15:04even ridiculously good anonymous fun,

15:07it's boring.

15:09Call me if you want to get to know me.

15:10Hi, sweetie.

15:20Yeah, I was just calling to tell you I printed out the forms,

15:24and I filled them out,

15:25so whenever you want to come and get me,

15:26we can go to the clerk's office together.

15:29Yeah, Jeremy said he'd watch the kids.

15:32I did.

15:32Oh, yeah, he was so cute.

15:35He was like,

15:35what can I do to repay you

15:36for letting me stay at your house?

15:38And I was like, watch the kids.

15:39And he was like, totally.

15:40He also said he would watch them tonight

15:42if we wanted to go to a celebration dinner.

15:44And then he said he'd watch them this weekend.

15:46Just because.

15:48Love you, too.

15:48But I already watched the kids

15:54while you were at the store.

15:56Congratulations, by the way.

16:00Just calling us both spade.

16:05It's quiet.

16:06Where are the kids?

16:10They're upstairs watching TV.

16:12Jeremy, you know they're not supposed

16:14to watch TV unsupervised.

16:16It melts their brains and turns them into zombies.

16:19Oh, come on.

16:20This is America.

16:21You want them to fit in, right?

16:25Have you been smoking pot?

16:27They're just in the guest room.

16:29The kids are upstairs, crazy.

16:31The kids are all right.

16:33They're upstairs watching TV unsupervised.

16:35It sucks out their brains

16:36and turns them into zombies.

16:39I can't believe you.

16:41You know you're only supposed to smoke outside.

16:47Okay.

16:48What if we had a lemon tree

16:52and a marijuana tree?

16:57Or a guacamole tree.

16:58This is good shit.

17:07It's medicinal.

17:09Yeah?

17:09Uh-huh.

17:10What's the diagnosis?

17:12A broken heart?

17:14Really?

17:15Don't be mean.

17:17It's been like a year, dude.

17:18I did not know there was any sort of a deadline.

17:23Well, there is a deadline, and you're past it.

17:25Just like you're past the deadline

17:26of leaving my house a month ago.

17:29I know.

17:30I'm sorry.

17:32And then what about those deck chairs?

17:34You're supposed to make Amber and Amy.

17:37You, like, kept putting it off, and then...

17:38I got stifled creatively.

17:41I told you.

17:41They were deck chairs.

17:44Plan B.

17:46Lemonade stand.

17:46How much did you pay for this?

17:57We got a good deal.

17:58Bullshit.

17:59You are out of money.

18:03Your life hands you lemons?

18:06Get a fucking job.

18:07Let's not drink here.

18:20Why?

18:22It makes me feel things.

18:26That's what I like about it.

18:28It's like falling off a cliff.

18:30Remember when Mom used to have her boyfriend

18:33dress up as the repairman

18:35so that she could sneak him past us in the house?

18:38Jack.

18:39Jack of all trades.

18:42Plumber, woodworker, carpet cleaner.

18:46How often does she need to get her bathroom sink unclogged?

18:52So you and Tom are dating,

18:55but you're not living together.

18:57And this morning you have, like, a fight

18:59about the future for no reason?

19:03Yeah, I guess so.

19:06You mean, like, abstractly?

19:08Sure.

19:10You don't think about the future?

19:12Well, I don't have to.

19:14I just envision the present

19:16and the universe takes care of the future for me.

19:19This might be why you're homeless.

19:21I'm not homeless.

19:22I'm just figuring things out.

19:26Do you want to know what happened last night?

19:29Sure.

19:29Me too.

19:30You don't remember?

19:31No.

19:32Oh, no.

19:35I remember we were fighting.

19:37Then we weren't fighting.

19:39And then we...

19:40Anyway.

19:45I'm drunk.

19:47Okay?

19:50Maybe we're just not meant to be together.

19:53I don't believe you're meant to be.

19:55You know?

19:58You envision your world

19:59and then the universe

20:01makes it a reality.

20:05I just don't know what I want us to be.

20:08Who I want to be.

20:11I've spent so much time being half of something, you know?

20:16I don't.

20:18Not really.

20:19I really wish I did, though.

20:22It's not that much fun in the past tense.

20:28This is good, Calvin.

20:31Feeling all of this.

20:34All of it.

20:36I'm glad we're hurting together again.

20:43I should go talk to Tom.

20:45He's probably done with work.

20:47Not really.

21:10Good night.

21:12Good night.

21:14Oh, my God.

21:44Hey.

22:06Hey.

22:14I don't know how to say this.

22:20What?

22:26I want to be with you.

22:28I want us to be together no matter what.

22:31And I don't know what that means right now, but I know that whatever it means, I want you.

22:36I want you, too.

22:39Good.

22:42I didn't know what this was going to be.

22:46I still don't.

22:49Then maybe we can figure it out together.

22:55Partners, then.

22:58Partners.

23:01I found my roots in a hungry soul.

23:06And I've seen troubles that no one should know.

23:10And I've got scars and marks I can show to remind me.

23:16And I'm not calling this a rivalry.

23:20And I'm not out for blood, you see.

23:24I still have my own team of things that plague me.

23:31And we must pay for our own blunders.

23:36We must pay for our own blunders.

23:38We must pay for our own blunders.

23:39We must pay for our own blunders.

23:40We must pay for our own blunders.

23:41We must pay for our own blunders.

23:42We must pay for our own blunders.

23:43We must pay for our own blunders.

23:44We must pay for our own blunders.

23:45We must pay for our own blunders.

23:46We must pay for our own blunders.

23:47We must pay for our own blunders.

23:48We must pay for our own blunders.

23:49We must pay for our own blunders.

23:50We must pay for our own blunders.

23:51We must pay for our own blunders.

23:52We must pay for our own blunders.

23:53We must pay for our own blunders.

23:54We must pay for our own blunders.

23:55We must pay for our own blunders.

ES S02 E01 Weirder Than Normal - gay theme series

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