- 5/24/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I've always lived by the rules.
00:00:08Hey, save me one of those?
00:00:11Good morning.
00:00:12Morning.
00:00:13But lately, my current roommate has been making it difficult for me to do so.
00:00:30Whatever happened to the shirts on in the kitchen rule?
00:00:39That's not a real rule.
00:00:41Yeah, it's house rule number 16.
00:00:44No roommate shall hang around the apartment, topless, or bottomless, or both.
00:00:49But those are your rules.
00:00:50No, they're our rules. We agreed to them before you moved in.
00:00:54No, you wrote them down and asked if I agreed. Then I grunted. Not admissible in a court of law.
00:00:59Well, it's admissible in our kitchen. So, shirt on. So, shirt on.
00:01:04Or what?
00:01:05Or, I won't save you any waffles.
00:01:09Why didn't you start with that? Shirt coming right up.
00:01:13Did I seriously just ask him to cover up that six pack?
00:01:18I mean, Dylan has always been objectively hot. And it's not like I don't appreciate looking at him.
00:01:26Dylan and I have been friends for years. And I swear, I've never seen him as anything more than that.
00:01:33Plus, he's a total player. And I know better than to get involved in games.
00:01:40Oh, man!
00:01:42You happy now? This is your fault.
00:01:44Oh, why? Because I made you put on a shirt like a normal person? Please.
00:01:49Don't worry. I get it.
00:01:51You get what?
00:01:52I understand why you have the no shirt on rule. What's so distracting for you otherwise?
00:01:56Oh, looks like we'll be needing a bigger apartment. Your ego needs its own room.
00:02:02You say ego, I say awesomeness. Tomato, tomato.
00:02:05All I know is that it's time for house rule number 22. The cook doesn't clean.
00:02:10Let me just help you out here.
00:02:11Oh, okay. Yeah.
00:02:12Sorry. I'm going to get that. You get this one.
00:02:15You get this one.
00:02:18Okay.
00:02:19All right.
00:02:20Yeah.
00:02:23Let me just help.
00:02:24Sorry.
00:02:25It's okay.
00:02:26I'm going to go take a shower.
00:02:29Okay.
00:02:31Need any help?
00:02:32I know he's joking, but my whole body just blushed.
00:02:35Yeah. No. No.
00:02:37You know, one of these days I'm going to say yes just to freak you out.
00:02:41And on that day, I'll take you up on your offer.
00:02:43That's why I keep asking.
00:02:45What on earth?
00:02:46Is he serious?
00:02:50Yeah, that's funny.
00:02:51That's funny.
00:03:02What happened back there?
00:03:04Was he joking or flirting?
00:03:07Was I?
00:03:09Nope.
00:03:10Nope.
00:03:11Cool it, Emma.
00:03:12Remember the house rule.
00:03:30Just what I needed to calm down.
00:03:35Oh, no.
00:03:36My bathrobe isn't here.
00:03:38A major violation of house rule number eight.
00:03:40Robes, not towels, after showers.
00:03:43What do I do?
00:03:44Okay.
00:03:45I just have to get to my bedroom before Dylan sees me.
00:03:58He must still be in the kitchen washing dishes.
00:04:02Oh!
00:04:04I hate my life.
00:04:25Holy mother of...
00:04:27Holy mother of...
00:04:37I'm sorry. Are you okay?
00:04:38I was just grabbing my robe, you know.
00:04:40House rule number eight.
00:04:41Do you want me to put the waffles in the freezer?
00:04:43No. No. Don't worry about it. I'll do it.
00:04:47I can't believe Dylan just saw me naked.
00:04:50I wonder if he liked it.
00:04:52Wait. Why do I care if he liked it?
00:04:56Oh, God.
00:04:57Who am I kidding?
00:04:58My heart races whenever Dylan walks into a room with or without a shirt.
00:05:09Why is he looking at me like that?
00:05:22Where are the leftover waffles?
00:05:23In the freezer.
00:05:24House rule number 22. Remember?
00:05:26You cooked, so I clean.
00:05:27House rule number 22. Remember?
00:05:29You cooked, so I clean.
00:05:32Well, I never stopped you from cleaning.
00:05:34You just didn't know where the waffles went, so I needed to show you because...
00:05:37Emma.
00:05:38What?
00:05:39I have a question about your house rules.
00:05:42Okay.
00:05:43I think it's time we go over some of them together.
00:05:46What's the point in doing that?
00:05:47You ignore most of them anyway.
00:05:49But you don't ignore them.
00:05:50So what are you getting at?
00:05:52House rule number 19.
00:05:55Roommate shall never date?
00:05:57Yeah, that one.
00:05:58I think it's time I had more input on the house rules.
00:06:00And my first action as co-rulemaker will be to delete house rule number 19 from the list.
00:06:06So what are you trying to say, Dylan?
00:06:10I think you know, Emma.
00:06:11Well, rule number 19 is there for a reason.
00:06:14What reason?
00:06:16I mean, if anything were to happen between us, it wouldn't last.
00:06:20And how would we live together after that?
00:06:22Why wouldn't it last?
00:06:23Wait, let me guess.
00:06:24You think I'm a player.
00:06:27Let's just say that ego of yours is well-fed.
00:06:34What if I told you that the reason I go on all these dates was because I'm trying to find someone?
00:06:38Anyone who would compare to the girl I was really into.
00:06:41No one could ever compare to her.
00:06:43What are you saying?
00:06:45Emma, I secretly love your house rules.
00:06:48Not only is it adorable to watch you try to keep me in line,
00:06:52but the rules are just so... you.
00:06:56What, strict and uptight?
00:06:58Thoughtful and clever.
00:07:00And you're funny when you don't even know it.
00:07:03But most important, your house rules makes this apartment... home.
00:07:09All these years, we've been right in front of each other, but the rules have kept us apart.
00:07:14I'd like to propose a new house rule.
00:07:16Yeah? What's that?
00:07:18The secret kiss rule.
00:07:20Roommates are allowed to kiss, just once, to see if their feelings are worth the risk.
00:07:26The risk of what? Abolishing house rule number 19?
00:07:31I'm worried about our friendship.
00:07:33Of course. I am too.
00:07:36But this thing between us feels powerful, Emma.
00:07:39It feels real.
00:07:41So I think...
00:07:42You should try.
00:07:44So I think...
00:07:45You should try.
00:07:51Okay.
00:08:00Thank you for casting your vote.
00:08:02My vote?
00:08:03Yeah. Your vote to abolish house rule number 19.
00:08:07I don't think...
00:08:08Hey, no take backs!
00:08:10No, I'm not taking it back.
00:08:12I'm just saying that my kiss doesn't necessarily count as a vote.
00:08:18This counts as a vote.
00:08:20I guess in the end, it's the rules that brought us together.
00:08:25Dylan, De La Rosa.
00:08:28I vote that we risk it all.
00:08:31For us.
00:08:33Alright then.
00:08:35It's official.
00:08:36New rule.
00:08:38No more house rule number 19.
00:08:44And who am I to argue with the rules?
00:08:51I can't believe you're making me do this.
00:08:54You better believe I'm getting you back good next time.
00:08:56Seeing you dance will be worth it.
00:08:59Get moving!
00:09:02Come on!
00:09:04Woo!
00:09:05Shake that ass!
00:09:21Woohoo! Get it Dylan!
00:09:24You like that?
00:09:26Mmhmm. And I think we should dance together when I get home.
00:09:32Oh yeah?
00:09:34Why?
00:09:36Hey jerk!
00:09:37Get out of the street!
00:09:38You dance like a diva!
00:09:39Stop it!
00:09:40I'm not a diva!
00:09:41I'm not a diva!
00:09:42I'm not a diva!
00:09:43I'm not a diva!
00:09:44I'm not a diva!
00:09:45I'm not a diva!
00:09:46I'm not a diva!
00:09:47I'm not a diva!
00:09:48I'm not a diva!
00:09:49You dance like a diva!
00:09:50Stop or I'll call the cops!
00:09:51Sorry Mrs. Davenport!
00:09:56Okay, that was amazing.
00:09:58If by amazing you mean humiliating.
00:10:00Yes, it was.
00:10:02You asked for a dare, you get a dare.
00:10:07I know I said this already, but uh...
00:10:12Seriously wish I was home right now, with you.
00:10:15Why? So you can yell at me for tricking out of the carton?
00:10:19No, so we can spend Valentine's together.
00:10:22I know baby, we'll be together soon.
00:10:25So, truth or dare?
00:10:29Do you have to ask?
00:10:31Truth.
00:10:33Okay.
00:10:37Do you remember the first time we kissed?
00:10:43Of course.
00:10:45Was that the first time you wanted to kiss me?
00:10:49No.
00:10:51So when? Was it when we first got together?
00:10:54No, not that either.
00:10:59It was during that snowstorm we had a few years back.
00:11:02I was so sick and you had a date with uh...
00:11:08With Jenna Stevens from chemistry.
00:11:11Ah, Jenna.
00:11:13Anyway...
00:11:15You cancelled it just to keep me company.
00:11:18I felt so feverish, but we didn't have a thermometer.
00:11:23And you told me how in your family if someone says they're burning up,
00:11:27you kiss them on the forehead to check.
00:11:30Lips are sensitive.
00:11:32It's better than using the back of your hand on someone's forehead.
00:11:34I told you it was a stupid idea that I could get you sick.
00:11:38But I did it anyway.
00:11:39Yeah, and all I wanted to do was tilt my head back and press my lips to yours.
00:11:48But I was also scared.
00:11:51I was scared too.
00:11:53But I'm glad I thought about the forehead kiss.
00:11:55Even though I ended up getting sick anyway.
00:11:59See? You should have listened to me.
00:12:02Oh, uh, hold on a sec.
00:12:10Oh my gosh!
00:12:14Dylan!
00:12:16This is so sweet!
00:12:18You like them?
00:12:19They're beautiful!
00:12:22What are they?
00:12:23They're flowers. They grow out of the ground.
00:12:25Shut up. You know what I mean.
00:12:28They're called the Queen Emma Lily.
00:12:31That's why they're so beautiful, delicate, unique, sensitive.
00:12:36I told you to shut up.
00:12:38You know what you're doing to me.
00:12:40You know what you're doing to me.
00:12:42I know, and I wish I could help you out with that.
00:12:45I love them.
00:12:47No one's ever bought me flowers before.
00:12:50And what's this?
00:12:52Is this my mysterious gift you were talking about?
00:12:55Uh-uh. That's for later.
00:12:58You're seriously too much.
00:13:01I never knew you were the type of guy to send flowers.
00:13:04Hey, I'm not just a chiseled bod.
00:13:07I'm supposed to be romantic.
00:13:11To whom?
00:13:13To whom? Marsha. That's her name.
00:13:15Marsha?
00:13:18Wait. Marsha Mason?
00:13:21You slept with my co-worker?
00:13:24Haven't we discussed this?
00:13:26No.
00:13:28I introduced you to her at my office party,
00:13:31and you both acted like you didn't know each other.
00:13:34That was so long ago, I don't even remember.
00:13:37So you don't remember if you slept with her?
00:13:40Emma.
00:13:41I dare you to tell me.
00:13:43Did you have sex with Marsha?
00:13:45Emma.
00:13:46I dare you to tell me.
00:13:47Did you have sex with Marsha?
00:13:49We got together way before you and I ever hooked up.
00:13:52Just tell me.
00:13:53Fine. Yes.
00:13:55We did. Once.
00:13:57Well, maybe a few times.
00:13:59But it was all in one night.
00:14:01So, silver lining?
00:14:05How many people do I know that you've slept with?
00:14:07Jenna Stevens?
00:14:08Don't ask me that.
00:14:09Gross! My sister?
00:14:11Come on, no.
00:14:13Mrs. Davenport?
00:14:14Ew! She's old enough to be my grandmother.
00:14:17Well, seems like you're not too discerning.
00:14:19Emma, come on.
00:14:21You know what?
00:14:22Try not to f*** anybody else until I'm ready to talk to you again.
00:14:34I'm sorry, babe.
00:15:03Marsha, it was so long ago.
00:15:05I told you, back then I had this hole in my heart.
00:15:08And I looked everywhere to find something to fill it.
00:15:12It meant nothing.
00:15:14It was painful.
00:15:15Because I should have been with you.
00:15:18Well, now you are.
00:15:20So we're okay?
00:15:22I shouldn't have gotten so mad.
00:15:24No, I shouldn't have brought it up.
00:15:26It was stupid.
00:15:28Yeah, it was pretty stupid.
00:15:31Well, we do have a game to finish.
00:15:34Dylan, I'm not really in the mood.
00:15:36Just play along, please.
00:15:39Okay, fine.
00:15:41Truth or dare?
00:15:42Truth.
00:15:43Wow, really?
00:15:45Really.
00:15:46Okay.
00:15:47Hmm.
00:15:51Tell me about one of those lover secrets.
00:15:53Tell me about one of those lover secrets.
00:15:56Okay, here's a secret.
00:15:58I love you.
00:16:00Like, really, really love.
00:16:03Like, I can't breathe kind of love.
00:16:07This Valentine, what I really want to give you is my heart.
00:16:15What?
00:16:16Too sappy?
00:16:18No, it's just...
00:16:22I wanted to tell you so bad, but I was nervous.
00:16:25I love you, Dylan.
00:16:27You know what?
00:16:29Valentine's Day hasn't been so bad after all.
00:16:31Yeah, even though we're apart, it's been a pretty good day.
00:16:36I miss you.
00:16:37I miss you, babe.
00:16:39Are you ready to open your present?
00:16:41Yes.
00:16:48Ooh!
00:16:51Bubble bath and candle?
00:16:55Ooh, me likes, me likes.
00:16:58You're welcome, beautiful.
00:17:01You feeling dirty?
00:17:03Dirty?
00:17:12This is exactly what I needed.
00:17:16Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
00:17:18Best Valentine's Day ever.
00:17:21Now, show me something.
00:17:26Emma!
00:17:27Emma, what happened?
00:17:30Look what I found in a drawer in Dylan's room!
00:17:35I never took you for a thong, girl.
00:17:37I'm not!
00:17:38These aren't mine!
00:17:40So why would they be in Dylan's room?
00:17:42Amanda!
00:17:44Okay, um, let's not jump to any conclusions.
00:17:50Why were you looking in his room?
00:17:53I wasn't looking around.
00:17:55I was just doing laundry.
00:17:57You do his laundry?
00:17:59We do each other's laundry, Amanda.
00:18:01We take turns doing stuff around the house.
00:18:04That's what a...
00:18:06That's what a relationship is.
00:18:08I guess that's why I avoid them.
00:18:12Are you sure they're not yours?
00:18:13Amanda, I was at my parents' house all last week.
00:18:17I mean, he clearly had someone over.
00:18:19Someone who wears sexier panties than me!
00:18:23Okay, I said no, jumping to conclusions,
00:18:26and please, never say the word panties again.
00:18:29Amanda, what other explanation could there possibly be?
00:18:32Maybe they're from, like, an old fling from, like, a while back.
00:18:36Maybe they're from, like, an old fling from, like, a while back.
00:18:40And then he just stuffed them in a drawer, out of sight, out of mind.
00:18:45That doesn't make sense.
00:18:47That doesn't make sense.
00:18:48Why not just throw them out?
00:18:50Unless...
00:18:52Unless he's still into her!
00:18:54I really don't think so.
00:18:56I mean, he just told you he loved you.
00:18:58That's serious, E.
00:19:00Maybe that was just his guilt talking.
00:19:02Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.
00:19:03I'm not about to let you wallow in this pity party
00:19:06until we have some actual proof that something's up.
00:19:09But how?
00:19:11You said he's gonna be gone a while?
00:19:13I mean, I guess.
00:19:16Then it's time to investigate, girl.
00:19:18There might be some actual evidence in there.
00:19:21You mean snoop around in his stuff?
00:19:23Some people might call it snooping,
00:19:25but I like to call it searching for the truth.
00:19:33♪♪
00:19:44Ooh!
00:19:45Ew!
00:19:46Ew!
00:19:49New health rule?
00:19:51Don't be gross.
00:19:54What are you even looking for down there?
00:19:56I mean, it's not like women still write their numbers
00:19:59on, like, notes in napkins.
00:20:01Call me.
00:20:02XOXO.
00:20:03That's so old school.
00:20:05Just want to check.
00:20:08But I don't know.
00:20:09There's nothing.
00:20:10Maybe it is just a thong from some old flame.
00:20:13Maybe.
00:20:17But you have separate bathrooms?
00:20:32For someone who's such a neat freak,
00:20:34you're an expert at wrecking shit.
00:20:41Huh.
00:20:42It's a strawberry-flavored condom?
00:20:46He's cheating on me with a stripper?
00:20:48Well, maybe he bought it for you,
00:20:50you know, to spice things up a little.
00:20:53Flavored condoms can be fun.
00:20:55No, no, no.
00:20:56We don't use condoms.
00:20:58I have a pill.
00:21:00This is more evidence, right?
00:21:02I mean, I guess.
00:21:04But go you with the raw dog.
00:21:06He didn't even try to hide it.
00:21:08He just left it in plain sight.
00:21:10It was in his private bathroom cabinet
00:21:13behind his deodorant
00:21:15where anyone could see it.
00:21:19Sorry.
00:21:22What's the paper it was wrapped in?
00:21:24It's a note.
00:21:27Glad you could use my services.
00:21:30Call me when she's away again.
00:21:32XOXO, Brittany.
00:21:34And there's a phone number here.
00:21:36Oh, shit.
00:21:37People still actually write notes?
00:21:39And he kept it?
00:21:41F*** boy.
00:21:42I'm gonna kill him.
00:21:44Well, you won't have to do it alone.
00:21:46I'm coming over.
00:21:48Amanda, I...
00:21:51Why would he do this?
00:21:53I don't know, Em.
00:21:55But no matter what,
00:21:56you're gonna be okay.
00:21:58I don't know.
00:22:01I have to call Dylan
00:22:02and tell him about what I found.
00:22:04You want me to come over?
00:22:06I was serious, you know.
00:22:08Maybe, yeah.
00:22:10If talking to Dylan goes south,
00:22:12I'm gonna need a girl's night.
00:22:14And someone to help me throw
00:22:16all this shit out into the street.
00:22:18Is that part of the house rules?
00:22:20Cheaters will be forcibly removed
00:22:22from the premises.
00:22:25We're gonna add it.
00:22:27Well, just let me know.
00:22:30I'm here for you.
00:22:32I'm here for you.
00:22:34Thanks, A.
00:22:35And if he is cheating,
00:22:37screw him.
00:22:38Or don't.
00:22:40Or screw him good one last time
00:22:42and then kick him to the curb.
00:22:44He is really hot.
00:22:46I will.
00:22:47Or I won't.
00:22:50Bye.
00:22:51Bye, girl.
00:22:52Good luck.
00:22:54Hey, babe.
00:22:55So, I went ahead and got us tacos.
00:22:59I know it's not Tuesday, but...
00:23:04Hey, what's wrong?
00:23:06Look, I know my room's a mess.
00:23:08Dylan?
00:23:10I found a thong.
00:23:11Guess what?
00:23:12I booked that commercial.
00:23:15Great.
00:23:16I found a thong.
00:23:17So, what are you doing?
00:23:18I found a thong.
00:23:19You found a thong?
00:23:21Great.
00:23:22I found a thong.
00:23:23So, what do you say you and I celebrate tonight?
00:23:26And, uh...
00:23:27Yo, yo, yo, yo!
00:23:30Yo, are you serious right now, bro?
00:23:32Are you serious?
00:23:34I'm sorry, man.
00:23:35I didn't know.
00:23:36Why don't you take your eyes out of your ass
00:23:37so you can see where you're going next time, man?
00:23:40I'm so sorry.
00:23:41Yeah, you sorry.
00:23:42What am I supposed to do now?
00:23:44Baby, I'm gonna call you back.
00:23:45You just ruined my pies.
00:23:46But, no, but I...
00:23:48Black pies matter, bro.
00:23:50What am I gonna do now?
00:23:51What am I gonna do now?
00:23:53I don't know, but whatever you need,
00:23:54I'll pay for it.
00:23:55I'm sorry.
00:23:56No, no, no, no.
00:23:57Don't touch my slices, man.
00:23:58Go somewhere, do your pilates, do what you do.
00:24:01What do you need?
00:24:02You want me to pay for anything?
00:24:03No.
00:24:04Just go, man.
00:24:05Just go look pretty somewhere else, man.
00:24:07Thanks.
00:24:08Just go ahead, Abercrombie and Fitch.
00:24:12That was quick.
00:24:13Everything okay?
00:24:14No.
00:24:15I didn't even get it out.
00:24:17Why?
00:24:18Just...
00:24:20Just stuff happened, okay?
00:24:21Just don't push me, okay?
00:24:23Okay.
00:24:25I'm sorry, Amanda.
00:24:26It's not you.
00:24:28It's just...
00:24:30I don't ever want to see him again.
00:24:32Well, you won't have to.
00:24:34I'm gonna be leaving my place soon.
00:24:36He won't come near you or that apartment.
00:24:38Thanks, A.
00:24:39I know you really love him.
00:24:41I do.
00:24:43I really thought he was different.
00:24:45We all did.
00:24:46He got us all fooled.
00:24:48But I'm about to leave soon.
00:24:50Don't do anything stupid, okay?
00:24:52Don't do anything stupid, okay?
00:25:11Hi.
00:25:12Are you the casting director?
00:25:14No.
00:25:15I'm Emma.
00:25:16Dylan's girlfriend.
00:25:17Dylan's girlfriend?
00:25:18Well, soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
00:25:21Who's Dylan?
00:25:26Oh.
00:25:28Right.
00:25:29That Dylan.
00:25:32Ex, huh?
00:25:34So sorry to hear you guys broke up.
00:25:37Oh, don't give me that bullshit.
00:25:39You left your disgusting thong here.
00:25:42And a note.
00:25:43I wanted Dylan to have something to remember me by.
00:25:47I can't believe this.
00:25:49Can you blame me?
00:25:51Dylan's hot.
00:25:53Well, I thought he was more than just hot.
00:25:55I thought he was a really great guy.
00:25:57And I thought what we had was special.
00:26:00I can't believe he just threw it all away to cheat.
00:26:03With you.
00:26:05Wait.
00:26:06You think he cheated?
00:26:08Uh, yeah.
00:26:10The thong, the note, the condom ready to go.
00:26:16Plus, you just admitted it.
00:26:18No.
00:26:19I admit I left my panties.
00:26:21Don't say panties.
00:26:23And your strawberry-flavored condom.
00:26:26And the strawberry-flavored condom.
00:26:28It was my last one.
00:26:30I was really trying to impress him.
00:26:32So you left a condom here, but you didn't f*** my boyfriend?
00:26:36No.
00:26:37Unfortunately.
00:26:39So why'd you leave a condom?
00:26:41So he would know I was DTF.
00:26:44But you know, safe about it.
00:26:47That's probably the sluttiest thing I've ever heard.
00:26:50What are you, like an escort or something?
00:26:52Excuse me?
00:26:54No, I'm not.
00:26:55Who the hell do you think you are?
00:26:57Well, I don't get it.
00:26:59Your note says glad you can use my services.
00:27:02Look, chill out.
00:27:04I run a cleaning service.
00:27:06Dylan hired me to clean your apartment while you were away
00:27:09because, you know, he's kind of lazy and gross.
00:27:13He was trying to impress you.
00:27:16But you were gone, and he was cute, so I made my move.
00:27:20He was cute, so I made my move.
00:27:23But he turned me down.
00:27:25Which, I know, shocker.
00:27:27I'm not used to getting rejected.
00:27:29So, the thong?
00:27:32Figured he might change his mind and give me a call if he saw what he was missing.
00:27:36I did your laundry too, even though he said you would just do it again
00:27:40because you're like OCD or something.
00:27:42You know, you have a lot of granny panties.
00:27:46There are other underwear, you know, like cheeky or thong or...
00:27:50Never ask for your opinion.
00:27:52So, he never called you?
00:27:55He did not.
00:27:57And you swear you're telling me the truth?
00:28:00Ugh, yes.
00:28:02In fact, all he could talk about was how much he missed you and your stupid house rules.
00:28:07It was actually pretty annoying.
00:28:09Now, if we're done here, I'm waiting on a vid callback for a Gosling movie, so I'm gonna bounce.
00:28:14But if you do break up with Dylan, tell him to call me.
00:28:32Sorry, babe. That was a mess.
00:28:35I think we should probably order in tonight.
00:28:38And do some laundry. My shirt is pretty much ruined.
00:28:43Who says you need a shirt?
00:28:45Well, what a lady wants, a lady gets.
00:28:48Oh, and what were you saying about a thong?
00:28:51Oh, um...
00:28:53I was just thinking about wearing one for you.
00:28:57I thought you might be tired of granny panties.
00:29:01Frisky.
00:29:03Who says you need any underwear at all?
00:29:05Dylan!
00:29:06What? A man can dream, can't he?
00:29:08Maybe I'll get lucky?
00:29:10With you, every day is lucky.
00:29:12Aw, babe. You must be having a nice day.
00:29:16Yep, it's been great.
00:29:19Well, I'm almost home, so your disability could even better.
00:29:25What's wrong?
00:29:30Why is Amanda in front of our building with a baseball bat?
00:29:36Oh, uh...
00:29:38You should run.
00:29:40Dylan!
00:29:41Yeah, you should get out of there.
00:29:43I just have a couple questions for you, you know?
00:29:45Come here! Let's have a chat, Dylan!
00:29:48Dylan, where are you going?
00:29:49Dylan, I don't have time for you, sir!
00:29:51Not with my best friend!
00:29:53Dogs and cheating? Are you kidding me?
00:29:58Okay, so.
00:30:00What do you think?
00:30:02No. That is not appropriate for a job interview.
00:30:05What if I wore a cardigan with it?
00:30:10Man...
00:30:13You shot down every outfit I own.
00:30:16I'm just being honest with you.
00:30:18Maybe too honest?
00:30:20What's that supposed to mean?
00:30:22Ever since I applied for this job, you've been trashing it.
00:30:25I'm just being real with you.
00:30:27Babe, assistant to the CEO of Vanguard Models?
00:30:31This could be huge!
00:30:33And you're not being supportive.
00:30:35Me telling you the truth is being supportive.
00:30:38If you hated Vanguard so much, why did you work for them?
00:30:41It was a good gig.
00:30:42And they treated the talent, me, like royalty.
00:30:46But they treated the staff like shit.
00:30:48I don't want you lumped in with everyone else.
00:30:50Oh, so I'm everyone else.
00:30:53My job isn't as important because I'm not in front of the camera like one of your model friends?
00:30:58That is not what I meant.
00:31:00That is not what I meant.
00:31:02Uh-huh, sure.
00:31:06What about this one?
00:31:11Last time I wore this, you said I look stunning.
00:31:14Yeah, but it's just too...
00:31:17Professional? Flattering? Perfectly appropriate for an interview?
00:31:22Look, if you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it.
00:31:25Oh, I know what this is about.
00:31:28Oh yeah, what's that?
00:31:30You're jealous of Chris Monroe.
00:31:32I am not.
00:31:34He was voted one of Style Magazine's most eligible bachelors.
00:31:38Two, his modeling company is one of the most followed accounts on Insta.
00:31:43He's one of the youngest, richest CEOs in the country.
00:31:47And, if I get hired, I'm going to be spending all day, every day with him.
00:31:53So, um, yeah, I'd say you're probably pretty jealous.
00:31:57That guy's a class-A douche-nozzle.
00:31:59A what?
00:32:01I'm secure in our relationship.
00:32:03Never worry about you falling for that guy.
00:32:05So then what's your issue?
00:32:07So then what's your issue?
00:32:09My issue is that you're not chasing your dreams.
00:32:13I want you to be happy.
00:32:15No one lands their dream job in their twenties.
00:32:17I need experience first.
00:32:19You have tons of experience.
00:32:21We met on set, remember?
00:32:23You were interning for that ad agency.
00:32:25You were modeling that dumb Speedo.
00:32:27More like super hot Speedo.
00:32:29And I kept catching you sneaking off to the craft services table.
00:32:33My point is, you have tons of experience.
00:32:36You just need to put yourself out there.
00:32:39When we first met, you told me you wanted to start your own agency.
00:32:43I still do.
00:32:45Okay, so what's holding you back?
00:32:47It's not that easy.
00:32:49Of course it is. You're smart, well-connected,
00:32:52and you have an incredibly gorgeous boyfriend cheering you on.
00:32:56What are you so scared of?
00:32:59Okay, what about this one?
00:33:02Still no.
00:33:04Are you seriously policing my clothes right now?
00:33:07I can look out for myself. Thanks.
00:33:09I know you can.
00:33:11But do you really want to work for someone like that?
00:33:13Seriously, ask him why his assistant left.
00:33:17It's a tough industry. Not everyone can hack it.
00:33:20Listen, I can be home in 20 minutes.
00:33:23Skip the interview, and we'll come up with plans for you to start your own agency.
00:33:27Will you just stop, please?
00:33:30Emma, I know you're scared.
00:33:32Dylan, you don't know anything.
00:33:34You don't know what it's like.
00:33:36All you do is just stand in front of the camera and look hot.
00:33:39Well, some of us have to actually work for a living.
00:33:43I gotta go.
00:33:45I would say wish me luck, but I know you wouldn't mean it.
00:33:48Emma.
00:33:49I gotta go.
00:34:00I take it you're Emma.
00:34:02Chris Monroe.
00:34:03Hi, Chris.
00:34:05It's great to see you, Emma.
00:34:07Is now still a good time to chat?
00:34:09Definitely. I've been looking forward to this all week.
00:34:13All right, great. Well, let's get started then.
00:34:17So, I was impressed with your resume.
00:34:19Looks like you've worked for almost every major agency in the city.
00:34:22Yes, I've seen it all.
00:34:25The good and the bad.
00:34:29Well, let's focus on the good, shall we?
00:34:31Why don't you start by telling me about your most memorable experience in the industry?
00:34:35Well, as you saw on my resume, I used to work for Perception.
00:34:39Ooh.
00:34:42Last year, we booked a major holiday shoot.
00:34:45And the client wanted to go for your typical, aesthetic, really tall, thin women and lean, muscular men.
00:34:53But I suggested we take a different approach.
00:34:57I wanted to go for a more diverse array of models.
00:35:01You know, really push for representation.
00:35:05It was something that Perception had never done before.
00:35:08And, well, they went for it.
00:35:11It was a super successful campaign.
00:35:14And it shows that you can be inclusive and still be profitable.
00:35:19Well, I'll tell you what, Emma.
00:35:22I like your spirit.
00:35:24Wow. Thank you. That means so much coming from you.
00:35:28Vanguard is so impressive.
00:35:30I agree. I'd even say we're the best.
00:35:34Well, there's no such thing.
00:35:39There's always room for improvement.
00:35:42Top companies can always strive to be better.
00:35:45Even Vanguard.
00:35:47Oh? And, um, what would you do better?
00:35:51Well, I did notice that there's not a whole lot of diversity.
00:35:58Wow, you really like that word, huh? Diversity.
00:36:02Um, I noticed that there's not a whole lot of it on your social media in particular.
00:36:08I love all the work you can do with plus-size models and...
00:36:12And models of different gender identities and...
00:36:16Okay, let me stop you right there, Emma.
00:36:19Vanguard is the best because we stick with what works.
00:36:22Conventional models, conventional looks.
00:36:25You have the opportunity to change the world with your platform.
00:36:29Right, we're not trying to change the world, we're trying to make money.
00:36:33And we're pretty darn good at it.
00:36:35We pay plenty of that money to charities so the SJWs don't cancel us on social media.
00:36:40I'm not talking about charity, I'm talking about making a systemic difference.
00:36:47You know, shifting the paradigm.
00:36:50So we're clear. As my assistant, it won't be your job to make a systemic difference.
00:36:55It'll be your job to keep me happy.
00:36:58You book my flights, you keep me on schedule, accompany me to social events.
00:37:02I understand.
00:37:04Alright, good.
00:37:06Now, just one last thing. Could you stand up for me?
00:37:10What?
00:37:12We have a certain standard here at Vanguard.
00:37:14My assistant needs to have the whole package.
00:37:18And so far, I mean, it looks like you do.
00:37:20I need to get a better sense of your...
00:37:23Your assets.
00:37:29Okay, look, let's not beat around the bush here.
00:37:31You're an incredibly attractive woman.
00:37:33I'm a pretty good-looking guy myself.
00:37:35We'll be working very closely together and I just want to make sure that, you know...
00:37:39You know what?
00:37:41I'm no longer interested in this position, or any position with you for that matter.
00:37:46Excuse me?
00:37:48You know what? F*** you.
00:37:50Excuse me?
00:37:52You know what? F*** you.
00:38:03F*** you.
00:38:13Hey, babe. That was quick.
00:38:17Everything go okay?
00:38:19I mean, you're like beyond qualified for the job.
00:38:21I hung up on him.
00:38:23You did what?
00:38:25I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:38:27You were right.
00:38:29That guy was such a...
00:38:31What'd you call him?
00:38:33Douchenozzle?
00:38:35Right. That.
00:38:37He completely shit all over my ideas for inclusivity.
00:38:41And then...
00:38:43He was such a creep.
00:38:45He told me to stand up so he could check out my assets.
00:38:47I'm gonna kick his ass.
00:38:49No need. I already hung up on him.
00:38:53Oh my god.
00:38:55I hung up on him.
00:38:57Oh my god.
00:38:59He can end my career.
00:39:01I can't believe I did that.
00:39:03That was so stupid.
00:39:05Oh my god.
00:39:07I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:39:09He can end my career.
00:39:11I can't believe I did that.
00:39:13That was so stupid.
00:39:15I'm so freaking proud of you, babe.
00:39:17What?
00:39:19You stood up for what you believe in.
00:39:21You put that asshole in his place.
00:39:23Man, I wish I could have seen the look on his face when you hung up on him.
00:39:25Pretty sure it's never happened to him before.
00:39:27Oh man.
00:39:29Maybe I should have been more professional about it.
00:39:31You know what?
00:39:33No.
00:39:35No regrets.
00:39:37I could never work for a douche nozzle like that.
00:39:39There you go.
00:39:41That's my girl.
00:39:43I guess you want to say I told you so.
00:39:45For what?
00:39:47You did nothing wrong.
00:39:49He's the a-hole.
00:39:51You want to know a secret?
00:39:53I may have been.
00:39:55A teeny tiny bit jealous.
00:39:57Of Chris Monroe?
00:39:59Have you seen that man with his shirt off?
00:40:01I don't need to see pictures.
00:40:03I have my own eye candy at home.
00:40:05Eye candy, huh?
00:40:07Okay, okay.
00:40:09Don't let it get to your head.
00:40:11Too late.
00:40:13Speaking of candy,
00:40:15what if we skip dinner and go straight to dessert?
00:40:17Another chance for you to see a model eat way too many donuts.
00:40:19Ha, ha, ha.
00:40:21You know what?
00:40:23Ha, ha, ha.
00:40:25Or...
00:40:27I can brainstorm some ideas.
00:40:29For dessert?
00:40:31For my modeling agency.
00:40:33You're right.
00:40:35I think it's time that I start chasing my dreams.
00:40:37Now I've never been more attracted to you.
00:40:41I love you, Dylan.
00:40:45I love you, Emma.
00:40:47Speaking of attraction,
00:40:49don't take off that dress just yet.
00:40:53Come on, let's see it.
00:40:55Here it goes.
00:40:59Dylan's going to have a heart attack.
00:41:01Good thing he does a lot of cardio.
00:41:03It's a surprise for his six month anniversary.
00:41:05When we were just friends
00:41:07and his dates would come over,
00:41:09they'd go all out.
00:41:11One girl even showed up in a trench coat.
00:41:13Stop obsessing over his past.
00:41:15I know.
00:41:17It's just hard for me not to compare myself to him.
00:41:19I know.
00:41:21I know.
00:41:23It's just hard for me not to compare myself.
00:41:25Dylan has been with a lot of women.
00:41:29Hot and sexy.
00:41:31Adventurous to women.
00:41:33I want to be hot, sexy, and adventurous to you.
00:41:35You are.
00:41:37Well, in your own way.
00:41:39And he's going to love it.
00:41:41Trust me.
00:41:45What's up?
00:41:47Dylan just texted and said he has to work late.
00:41:49Damn, bummer.
00:41:51I wonder if he even remembers it's our anniversary.
00:41:53Ugh, this sucks.
00:41:55I had such big plans for us tonight.
00:41:57Why don't you video chat him
00:41:59and show him what he's missing?
00:42:01Wait.
00:42:03You really think I should?
00:42:05Once he gets a glimpse of that outfit,
00:42:07he's not going to be able to get any work done.
00:42:09And that's exactly what a hot,
00:42:11sexy, adventurous girlfriend would do.
00:42:13Damn right it is.
00:42:15But are you sure I look okay?
00:42:17Like, do I look tempting?
00:42:19Yes. Oh my god, yes.
00:42:21Yes, you do.
00:42:23More tempting than Trench Coat Girl?
00:42:25Forget Trench Coat Girl.
00:42:27Now go.
00:42:29Seduce your man.
00:42:31I'm here, guys. I'm here.
00:42:33Perfect.
00:42:35Awesome. Yes.
00:42:37I want tense and beautiful.
00:42:39Love it.
00:42:41Beautiful.
00:42:43Take four.
00:42:45Love it.
00:42:51This is great.
00:42:53This is what I'm talking about.
00:42:55This is what I'm talking about.
00:42:57This is what I'm talking about.
00:42:59This is great.
00:43:01This is what we want right here. Don't change.
00:43:15Hi, sexy.
00:43:17Hey.
00:43:19What's wrong?
00:43:21Sorry, babe. I was just expecting
00:43:23a call from someone else.
00:43:25Oh.
00:43:27Still here, just handling
00:43:29payroll paperwork.
00:43:31Paperwork? You're a model.
00:43:33I still gotta get paid, babe.
00:43:35Hopefully I can get out of here soon.
00:43:37I got things to do.
00:43:39I know something you can do.
00:43:41Me.
00:43:43Like, do me?
00:43:45As in like...
00:43:47Never mind. It's not funny in my head.
00:43:49Oh. Okay.
00:43:51Well, I have something special
00:43:53for us tonight.
00:43:55I'm
00:43:57very much
00:43:59looking forward to spending some
00:44:01quality time tonight with
00:44:03you.
00:44:05What's the costume for?
00:44:07You going to a comic book convention?
00:44:09It's not a costume.
00:44:11It's lingerie.
00:44:13Oh. It's
00:44:15nice.
00:44:17Nice.
00:44:21Really nice?
00:44:23Really nice?
00:44:25You know what? Forget it.
00:44:27But you hate lingerie.
00:44:29What'd you call that thong we saw at the store?
00:44:31Butt floss?
00:44:33Yeah. You said you didn't need floss up your butt to feel sexy.
00:44:35Well, I don't, but
00:44:37I don't know.
00:44:39I just thought it'd be fun, you know, to try something
00:44:41different.
00:44:43Well, it definitely is different.
00:44:45Especially for you.
00:44:47Hey, listen, babe.
00:44:49I have to finish this and get out of here.
00:44:51You can go. Bye.
00:44:53Bye.
00:44:55Yeah, good job. Thank you.
00:44:57Looking really good, people.
00:45:01That was a quickie.
00:45:03Nothing happened.
00:45:05Pretty much ignored me and then laughed at me.
00:45:07What?
00:45:09He called my outfit a costume.
00:45:11I'm pretty sure he insinuated I was a
00:45:13comic book nerd.
00:45:15That shows what he knows. You're actually a teen lit nerd.
00:45:17I'm so bad at this.
00:45:19But you're just as
00:45:21hot, sexy, and
00:45:23whatever else is all those other girls.
00:45:25So you know what you're gonna do?
00:45:27Rave the fridge and draw my feelings in Ben and Jerry's?
00:45:29You're gonna prove it.
00:45:31And when Dylan comes home and sees you waiting
00:45:33all dolled up, I really get his
00:45:35attention. I really get his attention.
00:45:37How?
00:45:39What would hot, sexy, and
00:45:41adventurous Emma do?
00:45:49Okay.
00:45:55I've
00:45:57always wanted to try these.
00:45:59I'm impressed.
00:46:01Should I keep
00:46:03the leopard print on or take it off
00:46:05and go for the cold, hard
00:46:07steel? The real
00:46:09question here is,
00:46:11where are you going to hide the key on your body
00:46:13so we can find it?
00:46:15That's the beautiful thing about these
00:46:17handcuffs. They are
00:46:19breakaway. So
00:46:21when it gets all hot and
00:46:23steamy, all I have to do is
00:46:25free myself and jump
00:46:27Dylan's bones.
00:46:29I think I like the dirty
00:46:31you. Never felt
00:46:33sexier.
00:46:41Too much? Maybe just a little
00:46:43too much.
00:46:47Sigh.
00:47:07Hey
00:47:09stud. On your way home yet?
00:47:11Sorry babe, I'm just getting out of the studio
00:47:13right now. It took longer than I thought.
00:47:15Well, uh, hurry
00:47:17home. That surprise I have
00:47:19for you is all warmed
00:47:21up. That's great babe. I need to make
00:47:23one stop. It's important.
00:47:25Oh, so is this.
00:47:27Oh yeah, what's
00:47:29that?
00:47:31Can't tell you that yet.
00:47:33It's under
00:47:35lock
00:47:37and
00:47:39key.
00:47:41Handcuffs?
00:47:43Really?
00:47:45What's gotten into you Emma? You're not acting like yourself.
00:47:47So what? You just don't think I'm hot?
00:47:49No, I'm
00:47:51Or sexy? Or adventurous?
00:47:53What?
00:47:55You know what? Fine!
00:47:57This is the last time I ever try to impress
00:47:59you. Why don't you just
00:48:01get back together with Trenchcoat Girl?
00:48:03Who?
00:48:05I'm done. What?
00:48:07I'm done. What?
00:48:09Emma?
00:48:11Sigh.
00:48:21Sigh.
00:48:29Okay.
00:48:35Shit.
00:48:41Sigh.
00:48:43I hate my life.
00:48:55Look, Emma needs you to come home.
00:48:57She handcuffed herself to the bedpost and got stuck.
00:48:59Um, okay.
00:49:01And why are you telling me this and not her?
00:49:03Because she's not talking to you.
00:49:05Um, okay. And why are you
00:49:07telling me this and not her?
00:49:09Because she's not talking to you.
00:49:11Seriously?
00:49:13Yeah. I mean, you made her feel really crappy
00:49:15today. I mean, first, you forget your
00:49:17six-month anniversary.
00:49:19Wait, hold up.
00:49:21I know, I know a six-month anniversary may seem
00:49:23stupid, but it's Emma
00:49:25we're talking about here. I mean, all she
00:49:27wants is to be wanted by you.
00:49:29I mean, she went and bought
00:49:31a corset, stockings, a garter,
00:49:33and you didn't even notice.
00:49:35She even got some handcuffs
00:49:37to spice things up in the bedroom a little bit.
00:49:39Why would Emma think she needs to spice things up?
00:49:41Because she wants to be just
00:49:43as hot, sexy, and
00:49:45adventurous as all your other exes. I mean,
00:49:47her words, not mine. That's ridiculous.
00:49:49She means more to me than all the other girls
00:49:51combined. Then show her
00:49:53that.
00:49:55I'm trying.
00:50:07Did you tell Dylan to hurry up?
00:50:09Because these handcuffs
00:50:11are super uncomfortable
00:50:13and this corset is
00:50:15super tight.
00:50:17Why don't you tell him yourself?
00:50:19Did you tell Dylan to hurry up?
00:50:21Because these handcuffs
00:50:23are super uncomfortable
00:50:25and this corset is
00:50:27super tight.
00:50:29Why don't you tell him yourself?
00:50:31Told you, I'm not...
00:50:33Incredibly sexy?
00:50:35The hottest girlfriend around?
00:50:37More than I could ever deserve?
00:50:43Look,
00:50:45I know you don't want to talk to me,
00:50:47but I just want to say I'm sorry.
00:50:49I'm sorry for being distracted.
00:50:51And I'm sorry for being the dumbest boyfriend on earth.
00:50:53I don't deserve you.
00:50:55But I'm not sorry for forgetting
00:50:57your anniversary.
00:50:59Because I didn't.
00:51:01Dylan's house rules
00:51:03for Emma?
00:51:05I'm not an artist, but that's why it took me so long.
00:51:07Read the first rule.
00:51:09Always be yourself
00:51:11because the way you are
00:51:13is perfect.
00:51:15Oh, I can't believe you made this.
00:51:17That's not all.
00:51:19I was so distracted because I was worried
00:51:21I wouldn't get out of the photo shoot in time
00:51:23in order for me to pick up this little anniversary
00:51:25gift I got a few weeks ago.
00:51:27In order for me to pick up this little anniversary
00:51:29gift I got a few weeks ago.
00:51:35Looks like you already got a new bracelet.
00:51:41Emma, I love you because you're you.
00:51:43I don't want any other girls.
00:51:45And I don't care if you wear a trench coat
00:51:47or handcuff yourself to a bed.
00:51:51Actually, I prefer if you didn't.
00:51:53You could hurt yourself.
00:51:55Yeah, because I'm klutzy, awkward, and silly?
00:51:57Sure, but you're also hot.
00:51:59And can you show me what you're wearing a little better?
00:52:05You're so beautiful.
00:52:07Emma, if you want to be more adventurous,
00:52:09I'm totally into it, but only if it's because
00:52:11it's what you want to do.
00:52:13Yeah, it is.
00:52:15Good.
00:52:17No more comparing yourself to old girlfriends.
00:52:19This is the first six months of our entire lives
00:52:21and I can't wait to spend my future with you.
00:52:23Me too.
00:52:25You're amazing.
00:52:27We're amazing. Together.
00:52:29Oh.
00:52:31Okay.
00:52:33Well, first things first.
00:52:35Get your butt home
00:52:37and get me out of these handcuffs.
00:52:39I have to pee.
00:52:43How's the party prep going?
00:52:45Good, I think. Nachos are in the oven.
00:52:47Everything's decorated.
00:52:49Dylan's been working so hard lately
00:52:51and I just wanted him to let loose
00:52:53and really enjoy his birthday.
00:52:55Stop worrying and go put some clothes on.
00:52:57Well, that's actually why I called you.
00:52:59Dylan loves when I wear this dress I got in Cabo,
00:53:01but
00:53:03I just feel so bloated.
00:53:05Can you let me know if it looks okay?
00:53:07A fashion show? I'm in.
00:53:15What do you think?
00:53:17You look amazing, as usual.
00:53:19Are you sure?
00:53:21Ugh, it feels tight.
00:53:23Are you sure you want to wear white?
00:53:25Why wouldn't I?
00:53:27Because you have your period?
00:53:29Okay, one, it's creepy that you know that.
00:53:31I'm your best friend.
00:53:33It's my job to keep track of your cycle.
00:53:35And two,
00:53:37you're wrong. I don't have my period.
00:53:39Well, you should.
00:53:41I mean, it's the fifth and you get your period
00:53:43on the third of every month, just like me.
00:53:45Oh my god.
00:53:47You're right.
00:53:49Um, are you okay?
00:53:53I'm late.
00:53:55I'm late.
00:53:57I'm like days late.
00:53:59Okay, okay, okay.
00:54:01Well, let's not freak out here.
00:54:03This isn't normal for me.
00:54:05Oh
00:54:07my god.
00:54:09I'm-
00:54:11No, don't say it.
00:54:13I'm pregnant!
00:54:15What am I gonna do?
00:54:17I can't have a baby.
00:54:19I don't know the first thing about raising a kid.
00:54:21Oh god.
00:54:23That's why the dress is tight.
00:54:25It's not bloat. It's baby!
00:54:27Emma Renee Arnaz.
00:54:31You wouldn't have a baby bump already.
00:54:33Now stop acting crazy
00:54:35and breathe.
00:54:37Good.
00:54:39Now, are you having any other symptoms?
00:54:41No.
00:54:43I mean,
00:54:45I'm crampy and
00:54:47I'm super on edge.
00:54:49But that doesn't really tell us anything.
00:54:51It tells us that I'm pregnant!
00:54:53Could be pregnant.
00:54:55Oh my god, and what am I gonna tell Dylan?
00:54:57Ha ha ha! Happy birthday!
00:54:59You're gonna be a dad!
00:55:01We always wanted to be a dad, you know?
00:55:03We both want a family.
00:55:05Someday. Not now.
00:55:07Not now. We're in our twenties.
00:55:09We're supposed to let loose and have fun
00:55:11and oh my god,
00:55:13I've been so stressed lately and
00:55:15now I'm gonna ruin his birthday and
00:55:17oh my god,
00:55:19not just his birthday,
00:55:21his life!
00:55:23I mean, you could be worrying
00:55:25over nothing. You need to take a test.
00:55:27Oh no!
00:55:29No, no, no, no!
00:55:31What if someone sees me at the drugstore?
00:55:33Then the rumor mill will turn
00:55:35and then they'll spread the news all over town
00:55:37and then everyone will know that I'm pregnant
00:55:39and then they'll be shamed and
00:55:41stoned!
00:55:43Emma, you live in New York City, not Walnut Grove.
00:55:47Go to the store.
00:55:49And if you're so worried about someone seeing you,
00:55:51then go to one that's further away.
00:55:53No, I don't have time!
00:55:55I need to finish baking the cake
00:55:57and hanging the decorations
00:55:59and...
00:56:01This is more important.
00:56:03Dylan will understand.
00:56:05Okay.
00:56:07I'll call you when I get the test.
00:56:09Thanks, A.
00:56:15How's your birthday going?
00:56:17So far so good, babe. What are you doing out and about?
00:56:19Oh, just, uh,
00:56:21working on a surprise.
00:56:23I love surprises.
00:56:25You might not love this one.
00:56:27What's in the bag? Let me guess.
00:56:29House rule number 32.
00:56:31No Cheeto dust in the apartment.
00:56:33You're surprising me by letting me
00:56:35break the rules for my birthday.
00:56:37I'm surprising you with a baby.
00:56:39What?
00:56:41I mean, a food baby
00:56:43with how delicious
00:56:45all the food at your party is going to be.
00:56:47Oh, sweet!
00:56:49Can't wait!
00:56:51So what do you want to name our food baby? Dylan Jr.?
00:56:53We are not naming our baby
00:56:55Dylan Jr.
00:56:57You okay? You look a little...
00:56:59What? Bloated?
00:57:01Testy? Fat?
00:57:03Stressed.
00:57:05Sorry.
00:57:07Don't be sorry, babe.
00:57:09I don't want you to kill yourself over this party.
00:57:11I want us all to relax.
00:57:13Which is why I'm heading to the liquor store on my lunch break
00:57:15to pick up some libations for this evening.
00:57:17So, what would it be?
00:57:19Lady's choice.
00:57:21I choose water.
00:57:23What?
00:57:25Yeah, I've just been feeling really, like,
00:57:27dehydrated lately.
00:57:29I think I'll just
00:57:31stick with good old H2O.
00:57:33Come on, babe.
00:57:35It's my birthday.
00:57:37We're only young once.
00:57:39Before you know it, we'll be getting older, starting a family.
00:57:41Uh, I have to go, Dylan.
00:57:43Emma, why?
00:57:45Did I say something wrong?
00:57:47No.
00:57:49I just meant someday.
00:57:51Like, we're not ready for kids yet.
00:57:53Uh, you know what?
00:57:55You're breaking up. I have to go.
00:57:57I'll talk to you later.
00:57:59Emma, can you hear me?
00:58:01Bye, Dylan.
00:58:31I can't do this.
00:58:33Sure you can.
00:58:35Imagine a waterfall
00:58:37flowing from a deep lagoon.
00:58:39No.
00:58:41I mean,
00:58:43I can't have this baby.
00:58:45I'm sorry, Em.
00:58:47I'm just getting my business off the ground
00:58:49and I'm finally getting my shit together
00:58:51and now,
00:58:53I don't know what to do.
00:58:55I don't know what to do.
00:58:57I don't know what to do.
00:58:59I mean, we had our shit together and,
00:59:01and now...
00:59:03You don't even know if you're pregnant yet.
00:59:05That's what the test is for.
00:59:07That's what the test is for.
00:59:11Plus, even if you are pregnant,
00:59:13it doesn't mean you can't follow your dreams.
00:59:15You just have to do what the baby into.
00:59:17It's gonna ruin everything.
00:59:19And Dylan...
00:59:21Dylan loves you.
00:59:23Yeah, me.
00:59:25Not me plus a kid.
00:59:27Okay, I think I'm ready.
00:59:35To be a mom?
00:59:36Shut up.
00:59:37To pee.
00:59:38All right now, go girl.
00:59:39I'm not peeing with you watching.
00:59:40Really?
00:59:41Lame.
00:59:42After everything we've been through?
00:59:43I'll call you back when I have the results.
00:59:44Fine.
00:59:45Good luck or break a leg.
00:59:46I mean, what do you really say in this situation?
00:59:47I'm not sure.
00:59:48Whatever.
00:59:49Whatever happens, I'm here for you.
00:59:57Oh, and Em?
01:00:00Yeah?
01:00:01If you are pregnant, can I be the godmom?
01:00:11Okay.
01:00:13Picture a waterfall.
01:00:18Flowing into a deep lagoon, picture a waterfall, flowing into a deep lagoon.
01:00:44Are you lying on the floor?
01:00:46Yeah, it's a new form of yoga.
01:00:50You hate yoga. You always say I look stupid in child's pose.
01:00:55Emma, what's wrong? And don't say nothing.
01:01:03I'm late.
01:01:04Babe, the party's at our house. You can't be late.
01:01:07No, I mean my period. My period is late.
01:01:12Oh, so what does that mean exactly? What does that mean exactly?
01:01:22It could mean nothing or it could mean I'm pregnant.
01:01:29I'm so sorry. I don't know how this happened and I wasn't buying you Cheetos earlier.
01:01:36I was buying this and I don't know what it says yet and I'm really scared.
01:01:42And I think it's time to look and I'm so sorry for ruining your birthday, Dylan.
01:01:47I really, really wanted today to be perfect.
01:01:50You've just been so good to me ever since we got together.
01:01:54Emma, just calm down.
01:01:56And after starting my business and you've been helping me with that and we don't have any money.
01:02:02So it's just like the worst possible time ever. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared.
01:02:09Emma Renee Arnaz, you're going to make yourself sick. You need to breathe.
01:02:18See, everything's going to be okay.
01:02:22How can it possibly be okay?
01:02:25Because no matter what that test says, we're going to figure it out together.
01:02:30But we're not ready.
01:02:32You don't know that. Having a baby is hard no matter what age you are, what your job is.
01:02:38But you and me, we can get through anything.
01:02:44I love you, Dylan.
01:02:47I love you, babe.
01:02:50Now go look at that test.
01:02:52We'll do it together.
01:02:56Oh, my God, I'm not pregnant.
01:02:58Oh, my God.
01:03:00Yeah.
01:03:02I know you said we could do it, but like, I really wasn't ready.
01:03:06That would have been one hell of a test.
01:03:08I know.
01:03:10I know.
01:03:12I know.
01:03:14I know.
01:03:16I know.
01:03:18I know.
01:03:20I know.
01:03:22I know.
01:03:24That would have been one hell of a birthday present.
01:03:27I mean, something I always wanted, just a few years too early.
01:03:30Do you mean it with me?
01:03:33Of course with you.
01:03:35And of course I mean it with all my heart.
01:03:41Oh, shit.
01:03:43I have to go.
01:03:44Let me guess. Amanda's already named our baby.
01:03:47Pretty much.
01:03:49Get ready, babe, because the party is back on.
01:03:53Are you still having water tonight?
01:03:55No way.
01:03:57I need you to get back into that store and buy me the biggest bottle of wine they have.
01:04:02You got it, babe.
01:04:04Oh, and Dylan?
01:04:06Yeah?
01:04:08Happy birthday.
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