Homebound 3.0 - Season 2 Episode 3
#CinemaJourney
#CinemaJourney
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00If you ever find yourself faced with the question, should I send my child to public or private
00:06school, just ask yourself, do you want them doing weed or cocaine?
00:11And that, in short, is my summary of gravitational theory.
00:22Marvellous.
00:24Absolutely marvellous.
00:25It reminds me of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's Le Petit Prince.
00:30La naissance, c'est de pouvoir reverre par de l'île et les étoiles.
00:35Unfortunately, our waitlist is prohibitively long and your while is just a little too late
00:40to the race.
00:41Oh, how late?
00:42Well, most of our candidates have been waiting since they're in utero, so five, six, seven
00:47years, give or take.
00:49There is, however, one tiny exemption.
00:55No, absolutely not.
00:57Oh, come on, Melissa.
00:59Shergert-Brooks is the only private school in the country with a junior astronaut cadets
01:02program.
01:03More like some white-collar terrorist incubator.
01:06I'm not sending my kid there.
01:08Your kid's not even real.
01:09Exactly.
01:10So, what's the point?
01:11The point is, we're too late for the waitlist.
01:13But they have this family legacy thing where if you enroll two kids from the same family
01:17at once, you're in.
01:19So just help us out and enroll your f**k goddamn baby.
01:21I said no.
01:22It's the principal.
01:23Mom!
01:28What?
01:29Melissa's trying to stop Yoel from going to space.
01:32What?
01:32What?
01:32What's the matter?
01:34Melissa, why don't you let Yoel go to the moon?
01:37Melissa, why don't you let Yoel go to the moon?
01:40That's his dream.
01:42Oh, my God.
01:43Can you guys just...
01:43Yes, that's his dream.
01:45Henry, tell my mom and dad why we're not sending our kid to some douchebag private school.
01:49Henry?
01:53Oh?
01:54Oh, crap.
01:56Guess our fake kid's going to the cocaine school.
02:07Well, well, well.
02:08I have to say, this is highly esoteric.
02:11A novelist who's also a lawyer and a doctor who competes in elite-level hobby horse roller
02:18derby.
02:18Well, it's official.
02:20This is exactly the kind of X-factor our school is looking for.
02:24Send in the cherub.
02:26The cherub?
02:26You have officially progressed to the next stage.
02:29The next stage?
02:30Yes.
02:30The next stage.
02:32You see, what makes Shergut Brooks truly exceptional is not what we instill in our students, but
02:37it's you, the parents.
02:39Even though you are just one fleeting palpitation in this school's collective beating heart.
02:44Believe me when I say we curate our heartbeat very, very methodically.
02:49And this is our head of IT, Jeff.
02:53Please, the floor is yours.
02:54Your stage two task will be to take care of this e-baby for the next three days.
02:59Be warned, despite its cute, innocent, doe-eyed appearance, you are looking at the most advanced
03:03AI-powered baby simulator ever commissioned.
03:06Awesome.
03:06For the next three days, your parenting will be analysed, collated, and pair-assessed against
03:12every other parent who has made it this far.
03:15And the top three parents with the highest e-baby satisfaction score will earn direct entry
03:20to this illustrious establishment.
03:22Thank you, Jeffrey.
03:23So, Henry, Melissa, what do you say?
03:27Will we be announcing your name at our annual Tango-a-thon fundraiser this weekend?
03:32Time will tell.
03:3350k a year, just to be told, be a good parent?
03:39God, I should call this place Scammergate, Brooks.
03:42What are you doing?
03:47Come on, you can be a robo-parent for a few days.
03:49We don't need to do anything.
03:51We have already done our job, right, Henry?
03:53Sorry, but your mum did say all we had to do was attend the interview.
03:56Oh, come on, bro.
03:57Melissa!
04:00Toby?
04:01What the hell are you, Melissa?
04:03Oh, well, don't you mean congrats?
04:07Let me guess, you're here peddling overpriced sheep placenta face masks to pimply hormonal
04:12teens?
04:13No, but that's actually a good idea.
04:15For when our child eventually attends this school.
04:19Oh.
04:20What, you didn't think I was over you two?
04:21I have to say, after sleeping with all five of Toby's groomsmen, especially Gael, no shade
04:26on your baby bro, but oof, I was completely reborn, and that's when I met Henry, and now
04:30here we are, looking for an exorbitant but necessary education for our prospective brother.
04:36Well, Melissa, I'm pleased to hear you've clearly taken the high road and moved on.
04:43Congratulations, and may the best e-parents win.
04:46Oh, we will.
04:48Because we are about to parent the shit out of this thing, literally and figuratively.
04:54Enjoy wiping your e-baby's ass, because at the Tangoathon fundraiser, it's gonna explode
04:58in your face.
05:00Let's go.
05:04What's wrong with her?
05:05What's wrong with her?
05:26The best clouds in the sky
05:31You can dry your eyes
05:33If there's rain up above
05:35You can give your love
05:37Every day
05:38Every day
05:41When you smile at me
05:44I can see you're giving
05:46All the love that we share
05:48And it's all I'm living for
05:51Every day
05:52Every day
05:54If the rain and the snow
06:06And the ice is cold
06:08Deep inside love is new
06:11And the sun comes shining through
06:13Every day
06:14Every day
06:16Every day
06:19Every day
06:20Every day
06:22Every day
06:22The sun
06:24Shine
06:25Okay
06:26We fed and burped the e-baby four times
06:27And it's charred, nap, pooped and fully charged
06:29Check
06:30Vaughn and Yael have socialised with both human and AI
06:32Lifeforms of comparable emotional maturity
06:34Check
06:34Check
06:35Mr and Mrs Lee have exercised it
06:37Mum and Dad have delivered six times
06:38Fifteen minutes of early childhood general education
06:40Check
06:40Check
06:41Check
06:42Great
06:44We should have one happy robot e-baby
06:47What is wrong?
06:51What's happening?
06:51Is it nap time again?
06:53No, it's dry
06:54It can't be hungry
06:56Mum, Dad
06:56Anyone?
07:01Jesus Christ
07:03What the hell?
07:03Henry, please
07:04I think it just wants its father
07:06Mel, it's a computer
07:08It couldn't possibly tell that I'm its father
07:10Father?
07:10Whoa
07:12Did it just call me Dada?
07:13Oh my god
07:17This is incredible
07:18Why didn't you tell me?
07:20It must have some kind of facial recognition software
07:22But
07:22Where's its camera?
07:24Henry
07:25Can you stop looking for its camera
07:26And just put it to bed?
07:28I'm exhausted
07:28But I haven't finished my chapter yet
07:30Jesus Christ
07:33God
07:34Thank God
07:34Good luck
07:35Bye
07:36Alright, okay
07:39What's the matter, you?
07:44Has everyone been obsessing over you?
07:47And it's been a little bit overwhelming?
07:51Okay, come on
07:52Would you like me to tell you a story?
07:57Okay, here goes
07:58In the beginning
08:00There was
08:01The universe
08:04Okay
08:05So I was thinking
08:07What if
08:08Time
08:09Is quantitized?
08:11I mean
08:11We all think of time
08:12As this one continuous thing
08:14But what if
08:15It actually jumped from one moment to the next
08:17Leaving these infinitesimal gaps
08:19For other realities
08:20I.E
08:21Universes
08:22I mean like
08:23If your computer's CPU
08:25Could timeshare itself
08:27With multiple applications
08:28Why can't time itself
08:30Also be timesharing itself
08:31With other universes?
08:32Friend
08:33No
08:34Friend
08:35Alright
08:37It's stupid
08:38Why is writing so hard?
08:43Thanks buddy
08:44What's going on here
08:47And what are you teaching it?
08:48Nothing
08:48We were just jamming ideas
08:50Turns out
08:51This little kiddo's AI
08:52Is out there
08:54Did you miss your mummy?
08:56You want to give her a kiss?
08:57Oh sweet
09:00Do you sleep okay?
09:02Uh
09:03I made some breakfast
09:04Pancakes
09:05I love pancakes
09:07Morning y'all
09:08Come on
09:09Scoot up next to your cousin over here
09:10We've got a big couple of days ahead
09:12What are we doing?
09:13We
09:14Got a competition to win
09:16Right kiddo?
09:19Is he gonna eat dogs?
09:20Can I eat dogs?
09:22How's he doing?
09:31Is he warm enough?
09:32I've got two backup chargers
09:33A spare jacket
09:33And some more digital yoga pouches
09:35Do you think he wants some nuts?
09:36Is his nappy fresh?
09:37Babe
09:37Maybe we should read him
09:38One last book
09:39Babe
09:40Look at him
09:40He's fine
09:42We've got this
09:43Mr. Henry
09:44And Melissa
09:45Your e-baby please
09:46Good luck
09:55How do you think we went?
09:58Guess we'll find out
09:59Thank you
10:02Thank you
10:03Gracias
10:04Ladies and gentlemen
10:06Please put your hands together
10:08For DJ Fuego
10:10And the Nuevas GalerÃas de Tango
10:13Aotearoa
10:14Now I know some of you have been asking
10:21Why an annual autumn tango-a-thon fundraiser
10:24For Shergut Brooks
10:25Well
10:26The reason stretches all the way back
10:28I think we've got this
10:29Ah yeah
10:30We just did a loop to check out the competition
10:32And they all suck
10:33Yeah
10:33I just spoke to a couple over there
10:34Who's e-baby lost a limb
10:36Yeah
10:36Those who over there have a cracked screen
10:38And the couple next to them
10:39Are clearly dealing with water damage and epi sparks
10:41What about Toby and Lisa?
10:42I mean their baby looks pretty miserable
10:44Yeah
10:45I would never worry about them
10:46Really?
10:47I thought they were smashing it
10:48Oh my god
10:49I'm just calling out
10:51I see it
10:51And just like the slums from which the tango emerged
10:55We too at Shergut Brooks
10:57Must stay in touch with the streets
11:00Viva la rue
11:02Viva la rue
11:03Yeah
11:04This place is super wacky
11:06We want this, remember?
11:07And on that note
11:08Now it is time to announce the three families
11:11Who have earned their place at Shergut Brooks
11:14Geoffrey
11:15On the count of three
11:19The eyes of the e-babies belonging to the top three winning applicants
11:23Will shine bright blue
11:25Get ready buddy
11:26One
11:27Two
11:28Three
11:29Three
11:30Oh my god
11:31Oh my god
11:32Oh shit
11:39This is bullshit
11:48We give that little robot the house of its dreams
11:51Maybe we were too protective
11:52Maybe if it lost a limb we would have given it some independent learning opportunities
11:55Henry, I don't think losing a limb is a prerequisite for obtaining essential life skills
11:59I'm sorry buddy
12:01I really thought we had this
12:02Next time I won't bore you so much with my stupid book
12:05Thanks
12:08Hey
12:10For what it's worth
12:12I thought you were a really great dad
12:15Really?
12:19Thanks
12:20You were also quite the mum
12:23I don't know about that
12:27Attention
12:28Could all visitors with designated e-babies please return them to the office
12:33I repeat
12:34Could all parenting failures please return their e-babies to the office for deactivation
12:42Thank you
12:43Well, I guess this is it
12:45It's time to send you back to your deep electrical sleep
12:49Any final words?
12:51Henry, seriously
12:52It's just a bunch of electrical wires in a big plastic pink bucket-like head
12:57I'm gonna miss you
13:01I'm gonna miss you
13:03Stop!
13:05Don't take it back just yet
13:07What's going on?
13:08Uh, what's going on?
13:09Okay, look, I know it's just a beta version but check this out
13:12Conspiracy not conspiracy
13:13Is Sherrygate-Brooks operating an unlawful discriminatory admission scandal
13:17Inconclusive and sufficient evidence
13:19Oh, it says inconclusive
13:20Something's not right
13:21And we managed to swipe ITGF scanner
13:23See? Off the charts
13:29There is no way that those other parents be here
13:31And I tried hacking into the thing but it's just a shell drive
13:34The data must be sent to some central offline server
13:36Which means there's only one remaining option
13:39It's Mission Impossible time
13:43I've dreamt about this
13:46Yeah, we're all clear
13:50Heading back to base
13:51We're on the move
13:55Talk to me, Motherhead
13:59Copy Moonlight
14:00You should be approaching the outside of Principal Edna's office
14:03By the way
14:04Why do you have a van with all this care?
14:07I do a bit of PI work and laundry on the side is nothing fancy
14:10Oh
14:11Anyway, Principal Edna's computer is located on her desk
14:14And is protected by a two-factor authentication
14:17The first layer is her personal password
14:19And the second?
14:20Her RSA secure key pass that changes every 60 seconds
14:23And never leaves her waist belt
14:25Okay, how do we get in?
14:28Her secretary is stationed there 24-7
14:30So you have to use the air ducts
14:32Dave?
14:32I couldn't hack the floor plans
14:34But judging by the building's mid-century infrastructure
14:36You should be able to get access in the atrium on the north wing
14:39We're here, what's next?
14:44Okay, head stairs
14:45Once you're in position
14:46It's a short trip through the vents before the final drop
14:49Nandi
14:50You'll be lowered exactly seven and a half feet
14:52In line with the center of Principal Edna's computer monitor
14:55That way
14:56You can't be seen by the secretary
14:57As long as you can hold a perfect plank
14:59What?
15:00Why me?
15:01Because you're the smallest
15:01Infinist
15:03Yeah, makes sense
15:05Be quiet
15:19I'm trying to stop flushing me
15:22Wait, are there security cameras?
15:25Don't worry
15:26We're on
15:27Oh man, I thought this was the bathroom
15:36I've lost stairs, bro
15:36You've got to help me
15:37I really need to go wheeze
15:37If you don't tell me now
15:38I'm going to go on that pop line in the hallway, man
15:40Quick, out
15:40While Vaughan distracts security
15:43You're always going to plan a transmitter that'll disable its recording capacity
15:47Also allowing us to review the footage to find
15:50The password
15:51Time to shine, man face
15:55So it's on the right, mate
15:57Thanks, bro
15:57Appreciate it, man
15:59She's in possession
16:08She's in possession
16:09I got it
16:12It's 8008135
16:17What about the second?
16:20I'm glad you asked
16:23Team Tango is a goal
16:24Tell me, amor
16:30Do you trust me to go on that?
16:32Con todo mi corazón y alma
16:35052296
16:42I got it
16:47Go, mom
16:48Okay, now insert the Trojan USB drive and we're home
16:51Come on
16:54Come on
16:54Go ahead, something's wrong
16:57It's not working
16:58Go ahead, what should I do?
16:59Try flipping it over
17:01Oh, okay
17:04Idiot
17:05Launching weightless scanner
17:12We found it
17:2020 seconds to file download
17:22Come on
17:24Come on
17:25Come on, come on
17:26Come on
17:28Come on
17:28Come on
17:29I take it back
17:31Come on
17:31Oh, shit
17:34What?
17:36What happened?
17:39Nice van, morons
17:41I was wondering where the lasty baby was hiding
17:45Hi
17:49Well, well, well, well
17:55You know, our model predicted that you'd be trouble
17:58But this is more than we ever anticipated
18:00What are you talking about?
18:01What model?
18:02Oh, you didn't really think that e-baby was testing your parenting
18:06Oh, we loved hearing your opinions on our school
18:08Oh, we loved hearing your opinions on our school
18:10What did you call us?
18:13Scammergate Brooks
18:14What the hell?
18:15Kiddo, what's going on?
18:16Oh
18:17You know, the only thing keeping this school alive is a few unfathomably rich families
18:22Their children make up 5% of the school's population
18:25Yet somehow managed to cause 100% of the scandals
18:29Any guesses why you've never heard of any of them?
18:31Oh, oh, oh
18:32Is it because 95% of the parents are easily hushed?
18:35Because the e-baby's real AI algorithm is to identify those parents who are non-combative
18:38and pushovers?
18:39And that's a bingo
18:40Oh, yeah, still got it
18:42I mean, stink, cuz
18:45Shame on you
18:46Shame on us, indeed
18:48I really was hoping that your son would get him
18:50He is just so very talented
18:53You're not going to get away with this
18:54We'll go to the press
18:55The only place you'll be going is the police station
18:57The authorities are on their way
19:00No
19:00As fun as all of this has been, I'm afraid it ends here
19:03Geoffrey, disable the e-baby
19:05Mr. Henry, please, the e-baby
19:09Hey, bro, you better back off
19:10Pass the b-
19:10Give him the baby
19:11No, he doesn't want to
19:12Mr. Henry, please, I insist
19:14Take the baby, Geoffrey
19:16He said no, he doesn't want to
19:18Geoffrey, get the baby
19:19What's it doing?
19:24The e-baby, it's creating a back door and sending them our confidential information
19:28Holy moly, the e-baby hacked the wait list, we got it
19:31Geoffrey, kill that child
19:33No worries
19:33Stop, stop, stop
19:35One more move and this goes out to the world
19:37Okay, just hold there, Melissa
19:39Let's not do anything drastic, yeah?
19:41How much is it worth to you for us to keep this quiet?
19:44There you go
19:52As per the terms of our highly confidential arrangement, Yoel will be entitled to a full set of new uniforms every year
20:00In addition to his scholarship till graduation
20:02Sweet
20:03A privilege your baby will also receive when they're old enough
20:07Thanks
20:08Finally, as per your last request, here are all of the accessories for your e-baby which you now have full custody of
20:16Um, off the record, we've never actually let them evolve beyond a week
20:22By my calculations, he should have the sentience of a teenager by next week
20:26And I'd be very curious to study the progress
20:30Um, sure
20:31You know where to find us
20:33I am much obliged
20:36Excuse me
20:38So, was it really necessary to strip Toby and Lisa of their spot here?
20:44Nope
20:44But we're going to make so much money when we sell our fake baby spot back to them
20:48But what if we want to use it?
20:50We may
20:51I'm just kidding
20:52Tango?
20:59Someone once said there are no mistakes in tango
21:02But plenty of scandal
21:04That's private school for you
21:06Guess we'll fit right in
21:22A gameplay
21:27A gameplay
21:31A gameplay
21:33Thiago
21:34Diary
21:34G
21:44Are we