- 5/21/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Jesus, it's almost getting out here.
00:00:14Let's mix up some daiquiris.
00:00:19Now, be nice.
00:00:27But I wanted to try something new.
00:00:28I used that meat spread with the little devil on the front.
00:00:30Do you even know what's in that stuff?
00:00:32Instead of flour and milk, I just plopped in two cans of cream of mushroom.
00:00:35You're so right, sugar.
00:00:37Condensed soup.
00:00:39That's what we've got here.
00:00:41Solid soup.
00:00:46Why not have a potluck on Sunday night?
00:00:49With none of our husbands going to work on Monday because of the holidays, it might be a nice change.
00:00:54But to make it more exciting, we could have a contest.
00:00:58We could each bring a dish, and we could let our husbands be the judges.
00:01:02I don't know.
00:01:03I can't win against you guys.
00:01:04Finally some action around here.
00:01:06I've got a trick or two up my sleeve.
00:01:08You've got a trick or two up your skirt.
00:01:10Ladies, the war is on.
00:01:18Merry bells.
00:01:20Yay!
00:01:27Merry bells.
00:01:29Merry bells.
00:01:31Merry bells.
00:01:33Merry bells.
00:01:35Merry bells.
00:01:37Merry bells.
00:01:39Merry bells.
00:01:41Merry bells.
00:01:43Merry bells.
00:01:45Merry bells.
00:01:47Merry bells.
00:01:49Merry bells.
00:01:51Merry bells.
00:01:53Merry bells.
00:01:56Well, hello, neighbors.
00:01:58Come on in.
00:01:59Pleasure.
00:02:02The old lady's in the room fixing up.
00:02:04Got it.
00:02:05Well, hello, Jerome.
00:02:08Hi, great to see you.
00:02:09You name it.
00:02:10You, you name it, Jerome.
00:02:13Endless.
00:02:16Hey, do you golf?
00:02:18You should come play some holes with Sterling and me sometime.
00:02:21Well, great.
00:02:23We'll play tomorrow.
00:02:24Pick you up at nine.
00:02:26Maximilian.
00:02:28And there you go.
00:02:30Come on, Red.
00:02:32Good.
00:02:34Hey, why don't you all mix up some martinis,
00:02:37and I'll go get the old ball and chain.
00:02:39Be back in two shakes.
00:02:42Max, Sterling, you're looking fit.
00:02:45You been working out?
00:02:47Oh, you know, just running and messing a little with the weights.
00:02:55Maximilian.
00:02:57Wow.
00:02:58Oh, Fleurine, you look fantastic.
00:03:00Why, thank you, darling.
00:03:01Where are the girls?
00:03:02Kitchen.
00:03:03So, Leslie, you still working at the university?
00:03:07Yes, he's still answering the president's phone.
00:03:10I like mine a little dirtier.
00:03:13You got it.
00:03:16Hey, you been messing with my stuff?
00:03:19Not tonight, Connie.
00:03:21We've got company.
00:03:22My tweezers are upside down,
00:03:24and using them on your eye,
00:03:26I got fucking hair on them.
00:03:33Don't touch my fucking shit.
00:03:35You know better than that.
00:03:48When I was five, my mother told me
00:03:50I was adopted, and she handed me a bucket
00:03:52and some cleaning supplies,
00:03:53and she told me to get to work.
00:03:56I wrote my first poem that day.
00:03:58Good evening, ladies.
00:04:00You should.
00:04:01I'm telling a story.
00:04:03Oh, excuse me.
00:04:04I scribbled it on a piece of toilet paper
00:04:06in between scrubbing the pot.
00:04:08It went like this.
00:04:10Dreams are candy,
00:04:12and mothers are dark smears on white porcelain.
00:04:17I wrote a poem every day since.
00:04:21A poem for every day of my life.
00:04:23I would write while washing the dishes,
00:04:25or polishing the silver,
00:04:27or cleaning the vomit off the carpet
00:04:29after one of my mother's nightly binges.
00:04:32Let's just say I grew up in the perfect environment
00:04:35for a poet to thrive.
00:04:36What the hell are you talking about?
00:04:38You don't even know what a poem is.
00:04:40She's getting her poetry straight from the bottle.
00:04:42I got started early.
00:04:44Child prodigy.
00:04:46A poet and a drunk.
00:04:48By the age of five.
00:04:50Gosh, we're gonna have fun tonight.
00:04:52I can feel it.
00:04:54Yesterday, movie legend Judy Garland was found dead
00:04:57in the bathroom of her rented Chelsea London house.
00:05:00Good Lord.
00:05:01The coroner stressed that there was no evidence
00:05:03to suggest she had committed suicide.
00:05:05Even so, a British specialist who had attended Garland
00:05:08said she had been living on borrowed time
00:05:11due to cirrhosis of the liver.
00:05:13Garland had turned 47,
00:05:15just 12 days prior to her death.
00:05:17Her Wizard of Oz co-star Ray Bolger commented,
00:05:20saying, and I quote,
00:05:22she just plain wore out.
00:05:27I always loved the Wizard of Oz.
00:05:2947, that's too young.
00:05:31That's too bad.
00:05:32We saw her at Carnegie Hall.
00:05:44Is it time to eat yet?
00:05:48My friends, here it is.
00:05:51The first round of what will be many
00:05:55c-c-c-c-c-casserole wars.
00:06:00And the inventor of tonight's winning dish
00:06:04will receive this groovy t-shirt.
00:06:11My father gave me a t-shirt for my fifth birthday
00:06:13that read Daddy's Little Question Mark.
00:06:15I don't know why we can't just have a dinner party.
00:06:17I hate this competition stuff.
00:06:19You know deep down inside you're gonna win.
00:06:21Okay, honey, she's just jealous you're a better cook.
00:06:23Dehydrated food and powder.
00:06:25Am I supposed to believe an astronaut
00:06:27can survive on Tang?
00:06:28Get with the words.
00:06:29I need food.
00:06:30Oh, Florine's hungry.
00:06:32I've got to get on with it.
00:06:33Well, is everybody ready?
00:06:36On your marks, get set,
00:06:39and eat!
00:07:10Before we dig in,
00:07:12I'd like us all to raise our glasses.
00:07:18To sugar.
00:07:19Thank you for organizing this.
00:07:21To sugar.
00:07:22To sugar.
00:07:23Remember oleo?
00:07:25Why do they call it oleo?
00:07:27It means really margarine.
00:07:30What the hell is oleo?
00:07:32I love oleo.
00:07:34Remember in all of your movies
00:07:36when Benny Davis bites into that raw green onion
00:07:39I'm currently having that experience.
00:07:41I don't know.
00:07:42I feel better if I line the pan with foil.
00:07:44It's a lot of work.
00:07:46Is pimento a pepper?
00:07:48Oh, no.
00:07:49Pimento's not a pepper.
00:07:51A pepper's a vegetable.
00:07:53Yeah.
00:07:54You know, I always thought
00:07:55Dr. Pepper was a real person.
00:07:58Turns out he's not.
00:08:01Big piece of gristle in this one.
00:08:03Not sugars.
00:08:05You know, I couldn't personally eat sweetbreads.
00:08:08It's the brains, right?
00:08:09Thymus.
00:08:10Thymus.
00:08:12What the hell is a thymus?
00:08:16It's a gland in your neck.
00:08:18I don't have a thymus.
00:08:21You mean in a calf's neck.
00:08:23Oh, no, not a calf.
00:08:25That's horrible.
00:08:26I could never eat a baby.
00:08:28Hands down, the strangest thing about us
00:08:32is that none of us have had babies.
00:08:36Some of us should have had children.
00:08:39Wow!
00:09:07Okay.
00:09:08With four votes, the winner tonight is the Salmon and Papillote.
00:09:18Oh! It's Salmon on Papillote.
00:09:24Wow.
00:09:26Look.
00:09:28You win.
00:09:30Here, Connie, this one's for you.
00:09:32To the salmon.
00:09:34It's that everyone burned their mouths on the first bite and their taste buds were useless because that was definitely not the best dish tonight.
00:09:41I'm sorry, it was not the best dish tonight.
00:09:44Jerome, you don't have to be so defensive about it.
00:09:47Jerome has written a note.
00:09:49The salmon tastes like a spoonful of cunt.
00:09:52Jerome!
00:09:57You can't say that word. You can't say that word out loud.
00:10:00You know, honey, there isn't a word like that for men though.
00:10:03Cunt.
00:10:05I'm just saying there isn't a derogatory term for men as ugly as cunt.
00:10:09Stop saying it.
00:10:11Well, if you think about it, pencil dick is pretty damn bad.
00:10:13No, pencil dick doesn't have the same hard consonant sounds and the abruptness of the word cunt.
00:10:20Cunt is a mighty word.
00:10:25How about you are a fag?
00:10:28Oh, she's got it. That's it. The ugly a sound followed by the hard g.
00:10:35Fag. Fag.
00:10:38It's a loaded word, man. Loaded word.
00:10:41F-A-G is the awfulest.
00:10:44I mean, it's much worse than that word cunt.
00:10:46That's bullshit, Sterling.
00:10:48No, it is worse. F-A-G is to question our masculinity, the very essence of who men are.
00:10:54Cunt just refers to your...
00:10:56Baby funnel?
00:11:00I sometimes think men are the stupidest creatures to walk the face of the earth. I really do.
00:11:04Oh, but I just love saying dirty words.
00:11:08Fuck yes, I do.
00:11:11Repeat after me, ladies and gentlemen.
00:11:16Shit.
00:11:18Shit.
00:11:21Fuck.
00:11:23Fuck.
00:11:27Copsucker.
00:11:30Copsucker.
00:11:35That felt good.
00:11:39Mary-Belle, try it. It feels good.
00:11:44Come on.
00:11:46Shit.
00:11:54Vastustrovia.
00:11:58Well, should we play a game?
00:12:00No, let's just put on some tunes and go.
00:12:02How about we play Agnew's favorite, Pin the Blame on the Donkey?
00:12:06Has everyone here played Railroad Tracks?
00:12:10What's that? Honey, have we played that?
00:12:12No.
00:12:13Bert, I love it.
00:12:14When I was 13, I got molested on some railroad tracks by an albino.
00:12:21The moon made his skin glow so brightly, I just pretended I was having sex with a light bulb.
00:12:29That's charming, Flo.
00:12:33Railroad Tracks is a physical game. It's about balance and control.
00:12:37The game requires concentration, ability to connect your body and your mind.
00:12:44So, Mary-Belle, you up for it?
00:12:47Come on, Mary-Belle.
00:12:51You can do it.
00:12:52Three cheers for Mary-Belle.
00:12:54Hip, hip.
00:12:55Hooray.
00:12:56Hip, hip.
00:12:57Hooray.
00:12:58Hip.
00:12:59Hooray.
00:13:03What are we going to use for tracks?
00:13:05Belts.
00:13:06Hey, sugar, run to the room and get all the belts.
00:13:11We need more room.
00:13:12All right, men, let's move this sofa back.
00:13:14Let's get this out of the way.
00:13:17Here we go.
00:13:19One, two, three.
00:13:22Oh.
00:13:24I'm going to buy this sofa.
00:13:26Yeah.
00:13:29Mary-Belle is the focus. Mary-Belle is the focus.
00:13:33Thank you, baby.
00:13:36Okay, Mary-Belle.
00:13:38The idea of the game is that you have to walk on the tracks that we made.
00:13:42The object is to walk the entire length of the tracks without falling off.
00:13:47Your feet have to stay on the belts.
00:13:50The floor is hot lava.
00:13:53Oh, no, no.
00:13:54But that's so easy.
00:13:56Yes, it would be, but you've got to walk the entire tracks.
00:14:01Oh.
00:14:04Nice.
00:14:07Oh.
00:14:10Be careful.
00:14:11Be careful of my hair.
00:14:12First, we've got a spinner.
00:14:14Oh, yeah, yeah, spinner.
00:14:15Spinner.
00:14:16Okay.
00:14:22Okay, that's enough.
00:14:27Okay.
00:14:30I need my feet on the tracks.
00:14:32Get your feet on the tracks.
00:14:33Be careful.
00:14:36Okay.
00:14:39Here I come.
00:14:45Be careful.
00:14:46Stay on the belts.
00:14:49Stay on the belts.
00:14:51Somebody's going to catch me if I fall, right?
00:14:56Hold on, Mary-Belle.
00:14:57Hold on.
00:14:58Hold on.
00:14:59Wait one second.
00:15:00Okay.
00:15:01Okay, now, darling, I want you to act like you're in ballet class.
00:15:05Do a plie.
00:15:07And a one.
00:15:09What are you guys doing?
00:15:10This is part of the coordination test.
00:15:12It's okay.
00:15:13And a one.
00:15:16And a two.
00:15:18And a three.
00:15:21Take your hip.
00:15:22Very graceful.
00:15:24I'm going to fall.
00:15:26Okay, little choo-choo, come on down the track a little further.
00:15:30Okay.
00:15:31We're almost done.
00:15:32There you go, baby.
00:15:37Okay.
00:15:38Come on down.
00:15:42Okay, stop, stop, stop.
00:15:45Let me see a couple more.
00:15:49Follow the ballet master.
00:15:51And down.
00:15:54Deeper, deeper, deeper.
00:15:55There you go.
00:15:56Oh, my knees are going to give out.
00:15:58Come on up, Doc.
00:16:00Come on up.
00:16:01Now down.
00:16:03This is the last one.
00:16:07Boy, that is stiff.
00:16:10That is right.
00:16:13One more thing, one more thing.
00:16:14Okay.
00:16:15Are you ready?
00:16:16On the count of three, you can take off your blindfold.
00:16:20And one, two, three.
00:16:28Beautiful.
00:16:29Beautiful job.
00:16:35You're all assholes.
00:16:38Jordan, don't fuck it up.
00:16:42Jordan, don't fuck it up.
00:16:47Well, perhaps we could deep fry a moon pie.
00:16:52I like the direction you're heading.
00:16:54Well, we could.
00:16:55We could deep fry two moon pies until they're golden brown.
00:17:01And then we could drain them and spread soft vanilla ice cream in between them.
00:17:07And then dip the whole thing in chocolate and put it in the freezer.
00:17:12Think I'm in love with you.
00:17:15That sounds delicious.
00:17:18Is my brain shrinking?
00:17:20Can you tell if my brain is shrinking?
00:17:22Have another drink, Leslie.
00:17:24Can you see it through my eyes?
00:17:25Make it a double.
00:17:26Is it working?
00:17:27Yeah.
00:17:28Double what?
00:17:29Double what are you drinking?
00:17:30Here, I'll show you Jordan.
00:17:31Okay.
00:17:35It's not my fault.
00:17:37I know it's not your fault, but I won't even apologize anyway.
00:17:40I'm not apologizing.
00:17:41We're just having fun.
00:17:43Give me a kiss.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45Give me a kiss.
00:17:47Have a drink.
00:17:53Honey?
00:17:57I have another game for us to play.
00:18:02Max, come to mama.
00:18:05Wait a minute.
00:18:06What kind of a game?
00:18:08It's a special kind.
00:18:09Is that a recipe tin?
00:18:11Mm-hmm.
00:18:12What are the recipes?
00:18:13Well, they're rather unique.
00:18:17This is just a list of ingredients.
00:18:19What does it say?
00:18:20Ice cubes.
00:18:22I don't understand.
00:18:23You put an ice cube...
00:18:26You might be missing something.
00:18:39Holy shit.
00:18:40Holy shit.
00:18:41I just realized something.
00:18:44I just realized this.
00:18:48Casserole has the word ass in it.
00:18:55It does?
00:18:57Sounds out.
00:18:58It does.
00:19:00All right, forgive me, people.
00:19:03I'm going to be honest.
00:19:05I am capital H horny.
00:19:08Something that is not news.
00:19:10No news at all, Bert.
00:19:12I can't say horny because it reminds me of zebras.
00:19:15Zebras don't have horns, but they sure do.
00:19:18With stripes.
00:19:20Meet another one of those guys.
00:19:22Orange stripes.
00:19:24This is so precious.
00:19:28Get your waiters out, boys.
00:19:30All this one says is turn to the person on your left and tell them one thing you like about them.
00:19:36And in parentheses, physical.
00:19:39Sugar, you have a beautiful mouth.
00:19:43It is a chasm of beauty.
00:19:45And I should know.
00:19:47Because I want to spelunk into it.
00:19:52Thank you, Leslie.
00:19:54No, let's not do this one.
00:19:56I don't want to do this one.
00:19:57No, no, no, no.
00:19:58It's okay.
00:19:59Quiet.
00:20:02Quiet.
00:20:04I am about to turn my head to the left.
00:20:12Max Beatum, you are gorgeous.
00:20:17And every woman in this room thinks so, too.
00:20:21Sugar!
00:20:22Hey, that's my husband.
00:20:24I thought we were going to say it and move on.
00:20:26Okay, Max.
00:20:27Connor, don't be jealous.
00:20:30Kitty.
00:20:31Yes?
00:20:32I think you have great tits.
00:20:39I'm with you all the way, buddy.
00:20:42Yes, she does.
00:20:45Okay, I'm going, bossy.
00:20:49Time.
00:20:54Your eyes.
00:20:56I seriously cannot look into your eyes for too long because if I do,
00:21:00I just want to jump on you and take you on a kitty vacation.
00:21:05No, kitty, no.
00:21:08Meow.
00:21:11Okay, me.
00:21:14Maribel.
00:21:15Watch it now.
00:21:17Here, here.
00:21:21To put it simply, I love your ass.
00:21:24I love every slope and curve of your bottom.
00:21:27I love spending time with you,
00:21:29but watching you walk away is one of the supreme pleasures of my life.
00:21:33If I could, I would eat every meal off of your rump.
00:21:36I want to make a mold of your rear end so I can hang it on the wall next to my bed
00:21:41so I can spend every night staring at your ass.
00:21:44Conrad.
00:21:45That's enough now.
00:21:46Enough.
00:21:47Sugar, don't be jealous.
00:21:50Stop.
00:21:54Sterling.
00:21:55Yes?
00:21:58I think you have very strong looking hands.
00:22:06Aww.
00:22:09Thanks, I think.
00:22:14Florine.
00:22:16Yes?
00:22:19You give me some goose pimples.
00:22:22Stop.
00:22:24And you smell really nice.
00:22:26Esther.
00:22:29Love it.
00:22:33But you already know that.
00:22:35Oh, wait a minute.
00:22:36That's not fair.
00:22:37They're married.
00:22:41Okay, Leslie.
00:22:45I'm proud to call you my friend.
00:22:49That's not physical.
00:22:51Oh, it's not physical.
00:22:56I always thought you had great eyebrows.
00:22:58Mr. Burt, thank you.
00:23:00Thank you for that compliment.
00:23:02So we've made the rounds.
00:23:04What's the next card?
00:23:05I don't think we need to play anymore.
00:23:07No, we can't stop in the middle.
00:23:09I don't understand these games.
00:23:10I mean, how do we know who's winning and who's losing?
00:23:13I don't have a clue.
00:23:14It's not the point, darling.
00:23:15This one's good.
00:23:16I really like this one.
00:23:18It'll be fun.
00:23:19Lay on the ground with your heads touching.
00:23:22And let your brains synchronize.
00:23:36Maybe we should try another one.
00:23:50Well, then, is everybody ready for another game?
00:23:54Angel.
00:23:55Flash.
00:23:56Staring.
00:23:57How about this one?
00:23:58Grab each other and start swinging.
00:24:01How do we do that?
00:24:02Oh, I know.
00:24:03I know.
00:24:04I know.
00:24:05Connie, come here.
00:24:06Come here for a second.
00:24:07Grab your arms like this.
00:24:08Oh, we used to do this when we were kids.
00:24:10It's fun.
00:24:11Come here.
00:24:12Come on, sit down.
00:24:13Okay, ready?
00:24:14Let's start swinging.
00:24:15Oh.
00:24:16Oh.
00:24:20Oh, I want to do it.
00:24:36Jeepers.
00:24:37Home.
00:24:38Mother of gifts.
00:24:39That's my gal.
00:24:40Mama wants to swim.
00:24:44Daddy wants to swim.
00:24:47Come on, boys.
00:24:52What are you waiting for?
00:25:03Let's play more controllable.
00:25:17Oh.
00:25:18Oh.
00:25:19Oh.
00:25:20Oh.
00:25:21Oh.
00:25:22Oh.
00:25:23Oh.
00:25:24Oh.
00:25:25Oh.
00:25:26Oh.
00:25:27Oh.
00:25:28Oh.
00:25:29Oh.
00:25:30Oh.
00:25:31Oh.
00:25:32Oh.
00:25:33Oh.
00:25:34Oh.
00:25:35Oh.
00:25:36Oh.
00:25:37Oh.
00:25:38Oh.
00:25:39Oh.
00:25:40Oh.
00:25:41Oh.
00:25:42Oh.
00:25:43Oh.
00:25:44Oh.
00:25:45Oh.
00:25:46Oh.
00:25:47Oh.
00:25:48Oh.
00:25:49Oh.
00:25:50Oh.
00:25:51Oh.
00:25:52Oh.
00:25:53Oh.
00:25:54Oh.
00:25:55Oh.
00:25:56Oh.
00:25:57Oh.
00:25:58Oh.
00:25:59Oh.
00:26:00Oh.
00:26:01Oh.
00:26:02Oh.
00:26:03Oh.
00:26:04Oh.
00:26:05Oh.
00:26:06Oh.
00:26:07Oh.
00:26:08Oh.
00:26:09Oh.
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:12Oh.
00:26:13Oh.
00:26:15Oh.
00:26:22Connie?
00:26:25Oh.
00:26:34What time is it?
00:26:44Oh.
00:26:45Oh.
00:26:46Oh.
00:26:47Oh.
00:26:48Oh.
00:26:49Oh.
00:26:50Oh.
00:26:51Oh.
00:26:52Oh.
00:26:53Oh.
00:26:54Oh.
00:26:55Oh.
00:26:56Oh.
00:26:57Oh.
00:26:58Oh.
00:26:59Oh.
00:27:00Oh.
00:27:01Oh.
00:27:02Oh.
00:27:03Oh.
00:27:04Oh.
00:27:05Oh.
00:27:06Oh.
00:27:07Oh.
00:27:08Oh.
00:27:09Oh.
00:27:10Oh.
00:27:11Oh.
00:27:12Oh.
00:27:13Oh.
00:27:14Oh.
00:27:15Oh.
00:27:19Where are you going, Connie?
00:27:23To the club.
00:27:29I hadn't realized you had a game today.
00:27:43Connie, come here.
00:27:53I have something I could show you.
00:28:04I've already seen it.
00:28:23I'll be back before dinner.
00:28:28Well, have a nice time.
00:28:40Good morning.
00:28:43I squeezed you some fresh orange juice.
00:28:49You're welcome.
00:28:58I'm going to the country club to play around a golf with Leslie and Connie.
00:29:04Okay. What time will you be home for supper?
00:29:08I'm not sure. Depends.
00:29:10Okay. Just take your time.
00:29:14Would you like me to make anything specific?
00:29:18Uh, whatever you'd like.
00:29:23How about chicken? I can use Maribel's recipe. You seem to enjoy that.
00:29:28Sure. If it isn't any trouble.
00:29:31No. No trouble at all.
00:29:37Bye, dear.
00:29:39Bye.
00:29:54Morning, Les.
00:29:59I liked the party last night.
00:30:02I hope the other golfers don't stare. You know they'll know.
00:30:06Jesus. Would you look at that broad.
00:30:12Oh, Sterling, you got it lucky.
00:30:15Lucky?
00:30:16Sure. You got a wife with great tits.
00:30:19Let you do whatever you want.
00:30:21Sounds like heaven to me.
00:30:23Poor old Les has a wife built like a man and I'm tied up to a cadaver.
00:30:27I can't help it if I'm horny.
00:30:30I'm a man. I mean, our job is to be horny, right?
00:30:35Sure.
00:30:36Right, Les?
00:30:37I'll get back to you on that.
00:30:39Yeah. No big deal. No big deal.
00:30:44Hello?
00:30:45Oh, Max. Thank God it's you. It's Sugar.
00:30:49Listen, I just really wanted to apologize for last night.
00:30:53I feel...
00:30:54Don't worry.
00:30:57You were a tigress last night.
00:30:59No, Max.
00:31:02Hello?
00:31:03I got it.
00:31:04Hi, Maribel. It's me, Sugar.
00:31:07I'll let you know.
00:31:09Hi, Maribel. It's me, Sugar.
00:31:12I'll let you two gals talk.
00:31:14What is it, Sugar?
00:31:16I just wanted to let you know that I washed and dried your casserole dish
00:31:22and it's ready for you anytime you'd like to pick it up, okay?
00:31:26Oh.
00:31:30Okay, I've got to run now, all right?
00:31:32Okay. Bye.
00:31:39Bye.
00:32:09Bye.
00:32:15Bye.
00:32:39Bye.
00:33:04You know, last night was really good.
00:33:06We should do that more often.
00:33:08Yeah, well, our friends are so tight.
00:33:38I know, baby, there's a change in you.
00:33:46It's pigs.
00:33:49On a cloud.
00:33:51It looks like Stonehenge.
00:33:53It's very interesting, Kitty.
00:33:58I mean, are we meant to use these little wieners as utensils?
00:34:08Jesus, the tension in here is as thick as Nixon.
00:34:12We don't have to talk about it.
00:34:14Come on, we can't even look at each other in the eye.
00:34:16It's ridiculous.
00:34:17It was just sex.
00:34:19I'm not a sex person.
00:34:22I think what we need to do is just all have another party,
00:34:26have a few drinks, some nice hors d'oeuvres.
00:34:28Are you insane?
00:34:29I don't know.
00:34:30Either that or we turn into bitter, dried-up old prunes.
00:34:33What we did was not normal.
00:34:34What we did was get bombed.
00:34:36Jerome is right.
00:34:37We just drank a little too much, is all.
00:34:39You're right.
00:34:40Blame it on the liquor.
00:34:41You know what they say.
00:34:43What happens when you're drunk doesn't count.
00:34:45Well, we were much better off before we made it a contact.
00:34:47We just trampled all over our vows.
00:34:50Come on, grow up.
00:34:51We're animals.
00:34:52Get used to it.
00:34:54There will be no more dissenting voices.
00:34:57We're a club, and we stick together no matter what.
00:35:00Right, girls?
00:35:01I think what we need to do is just follow the example of the hippies
00:35:05and have a group hug or hold hands or something.
00:35:08Perfect.
00:35:12Maybe we can all burn our proms.
00:35:35¶¶
00:36:05¶¶
00:36:35Well, what dishes are we voting on tonight?
00:36:41Oh, well, Kitty made some pigs on a cloud.
00:36:50Mary-Belle made cheesy Italian.
00:36:54Jerome, her cheese enchiladas.
00:36:58I made maximum crab crunch.
00:37:03Lorraine, I'm sorry.
00:37:07I cannot remember what it is you made.
00:37:10I didn't make a casserole.
00:37:12But I thought that we were all going to make casseroles.
00:37:16I made an appetizer.
00:37:21Cookies as an appetizer?
00:37:23I love you.
00:37:25Darling.
00:37:29I call them identity bars.
00:37:32Identity bars?
00:37:34They're delicious.
00:37:35Is it a cookie?
00:37:36Is it a cake?
00:37:37Is it a bar?
00:37:39Which is it?
00:37:40Mmm, yummy, yummy.
00:37:41How exotic.
00:37:42Is that ginger that I taste?
00:37:44Mmm.
00:37:46Mmm, creamy.
00:37:49Max, you have a crumb on your chin.
00:37:54Tell me, did you get the recipe off the side of the Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk can?
00:37:59I did, but I also added a few personal touches.
00:38:03Sure, sure.
00:38:04Who doesn't doctor a recipe?
00:38:05Gotta make it your own.
00:38:06Mmm.
00:38:07Mmm-hmm.
00:38:15There you go.
00:38:18Mmm, it tastes really good with whiskey.
00:38:20These bars are fantastic.
00:38:24I'm actually ready to vote right now.
00:38:26Best dish of the night.
00:38:30Why do my eyebrows feel like they're flying away?
00:38:34Florine.
00:38:37These bars don't have anything to do with space, do they?
00:38:40Max, are my eyebrows still there?
00:38:42They were in honor of Apollo 11.
00:38:46I love you, Alice, be gentle.
00:38:50My hairs are hung.
00:38:53Oh, shit.
00:38:56Oh, shit.
00:39:05I better taste like vodka now.
00:39:09Mmm, look at me.
00:39:11I'm a dancing tree.
00:39:18En garde.
00:39:24Take that, take that.
00:39:30Turn around you bastard, I'm gonna get you.
00:39:37Oh, shit.
00:39:38What do I do with a split banana?
00:39:41Let's eat it.
00:39:45Bring it.
00:39:47Looks like we got ourselves a hooligan to appear in these parts.
00:39:50Yes, ma'am.
00:39:51Looks like we ought to frisk him.
00:39:53Drop the belt.
00:39:54Excuse me, ma'am.
00:39:55You turn down your headlights.
00:39:57I ain't checking her hood.
00:40:01Come on now, nice and slow.
00:40:03Take me in.
00:40:04You've been a bad boy, haven't you?
00:40:08Come on now, nice and slow.
00:40:11Take me in.
00:40:12You've been a bad boy, haven't you?
00:40:16Oh.
00:40:17Oh.
00:40:37Oh.
00:40:43Oh.
00:40:49Oh.
00:40:55Oh.
00:41:02Do you still like me?
00:41:29Do I still like you?
00:41:32I love you.
00:42:02I love you.
00:42:32Do I still love you?
00:43:02He will come along, someday, and he'll be big and strong, someday, he will come along.
00:43:25Mmm, mmm, mmm, he'll come along, someday, he'll come along, that man I love, someday, he'll come along, that man I love.
00:43:49Oh, Lord, won't you send him, won't you send him to me?
00:44:05I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of the endless, hoping for a miracle.
00:44:19The worst thing is when Kitty rubs my monster while I watch the Carol Burnett show.
00:44:26How is it that the subject of our conversations always turn to sex?
00:44:31Because people like to talk about the things they want, but they never get.
00:44:37Romance?
00:44:40Like blowjobs.
00:44:43Hey, buddy, I'm with you all the way.
00:44:48My wife's vagina looks like a parenthesis with an afro.
00:44:55You know, I'm not sure I understand vaginas.
00:44:57What's to understand? A pussy is a doorway. You go in and you come out.
00:45:03Les, you're up, buddy.
00:45:05Of course, my wife won't even give me a blowjob.
00:45:08And I go down on her and everything's fine, but when it comes to returning the favor, she always says,
00:45:13No, no, no, it's not ladylike. What's not ladylike about that?
00:45:19You should try my wife. She gives great blowjobs.
00:45:23Are you kidding me?
00:45:24Flo knows what a man needs.
00:45:29Ask Connie.
00:45:31She's been on the receiving end.
00:45:35Flo knows.
00:45:40You see, fellas, it's all about symbiosis.
00:45:43The women, they bring the main dish, and the men, they bring the dessert.
00:45:48That little casserole thing that they've got going on is like a gift waiting under the tree for us to open.
00:46:01So you guys should come over Friday night. Bring the wives.
00:46:06It'll be fun.
00:46:08Say again?
00:46:11We have to populate.
00:46:15Populate!
00:46:22Oh, I'll be short, Rick Patty.
00:46:27It's time to act like ancient Romans.
00:46:31Men, grab your sticks. It's time to throw our balls around.
00:46:40I'm a little uncomfortable with stereotypes.
00:46:48Do you like the way I look in this?
00:46:51Sure.
00:46:53What does that mean? Do you think I look pretty?
00:46:57Well, I've lived with you for 12 years, and I'm not going to fall into your circle conversation.
00:47:02It's not a circle. It's communication.
00:47:06Just a simple answer. Just look at me and tell me if you think I look pretty.
00:47:12Say yes or no.
00:47:15You look delicious.
00:47:18If you were a kink, I'd eat you up.
00:47:20There. That wasn't so hard, was it?
00:47:27I don't know, though. I think this belt hits me a little high in the waist. I don't have a waist.
00:47:33Where are you going?
00:47:34In the TV room where there's no belts.
00:47:36You don't care how I look at all, do you? You wouldn't mind if I walked around in front of our friends without a waist.
00:47:41Belle, why don't you just take the belt off?
00:47:43And look like a shapeless sack? No, thank you.
00:47:46You're so clueless about fashion.
00:47:59Max, please. I just want to get my makeup right.
00:48:05Starling.
00:48:06Ned.
00:48:07Gail Caesar.
00:48:08When in Rome, Brute.
00:48:09When in Rome.
00:48:10Kit, I'd like you to meet Ned and Marjorie LaVaughn.
00:48:13Ned, Marjorie, this is my wife Kitty.
00:48:15Pleasure.
00:48:16And this is Gail and Patty Parker.
00:48:17What a lovely home.
00:48:19And your haciendas. They're so beautiful.
00:48:22They're hydrangeas, darling.
00:48:24But I'm fine.
00:48:26I'm fine.
00:48:27I'm fine.
00:48:28I'm fine.
00:48:29I'm fine.
00:48:30I'm fine.
00:48:31I'm fine.
00:48:32I'm fine.
00:48:33I'm fine.
00:48:34I'm fine.
00:48:35I'm...
00:48:36What does fine mean anyway?
00:48:38It's such a nothing word.
00:48:40I'm...
00:48:41I'm okay.
00:48:43I'm sound.
00:48:44I'm with it.
00:48:45I'm groovy.
00:48:47That's stupid.
00:48:49I try to sound relevant and I just can't sell it, can I?
00:48:53No.
00:48:54I mean, I'm groovy.
00:48:55What does that mean?
00:48:57I mean, it means I'm...
00:48:59It sounds like something an album would say.
00:49:02I mean, if you were going to anthropomorphize an album, it would be right in saying,
00:49:07I'm groovy.
00:49:10Take a swig of this.
00:49:16Good Lord, Jerome.
00:49:18What is that, turpentine?
00:49:20Just about.
00:49:21Leslie has a still in the basement.
00:49:23Jerome, we're not in the hills of Tennessee.
00:49:26This is a respectable community.
00:49:28Respectable my ass.
00:49:30Screw it.
00:49:31I don't want to get drunk.
00:49:32Give me more.
00:49:34That's it, sugar.
00:49:35Let it all go.
00:49:40I mean, who are those people anyway?
00:49:43I don't want them here.
00:49:45I thought this party was just for us.
00:49:47Private.
00:49:50Oh.
00:49:51Hello, Max.
00:49:55I made shepherd's pie.
00:49:57I ground the spam myself.
00:50:01Damn arthritis.
00:50:02I hate our bodies.
00:50:04You know it's a design flaw that they start falling apart before we die.
00:50:08Who on earth thought of that anyway?
00:50:10The Lord God in heaven above, of course.
00:50:13He created us.
00:50:15Well, he should have had his damn license revoked.
00:50:17Giving an expiration date to a consciousness.
00:50:19How cruel.
00:50:20How fucking cruel is that?
00:50:22He gave you life after all.
00:50:24Don't forget that.
00:50:25What he gave me is the ability to know that I'm going to die,
00:50:28and I find that excruciating.
00:50:32So go ahead and believe in your God if you must,
00:50:34but at least acknowledge the fact that he is the most psychopathic serial killer of all time.
00:50:43I mean, if any one of us were to just reach across the table and strangle the life out of her,
00:50:48would it make any difference to the world?
00:50:50I mean, her God kills people all the time, every day.
00:50:53So it must be all right for us to do the same thing, wouldn't you think?
00:50:57Hypothetically speaking.
00:51:00Oh, is there anything I can do to help?
00:51:02Oh no, honey, we're just getting ready.
00:51:04Are you sure?
00:51:06So forgive me for not knowing, but do we take our clothes off now or later?
00:51:11I've just never done this kind of thing before.
00:51:13Whenever you feel like it, hun.
00:51:15What?
00:51:16Well, Gal didn't tell me if you'd be screwing each other before dinner or after dinner.
00:51:20Which is it?
00:51:26Come on, sweetie. We're going.
00:51:28We just got here. We're not leaving yet.
00:51:30Something's come up at church.
00:51:32I don't want to go.
00:51:33I know what's going on here. I'm not an idiot.
00:51:37Marjorie, take the car and go home.
00:51:40What?
00:51:41Take the car and go home.
00:51:42Ned Levine, I'm your wife.
00:51:48Nice to meet you, Marjorie.
00:51:50Little bastard.
00:51:51Drive safe.
00:51:52I'll drink to that.
00:51:54Cheers.
00:51:57Oh, hi.
00:51:59Let me help you.
00:52:01Okay.
00:52:02Help me, baby.
00:52:05Do you love me?
00:52:08Oh, Jesus.
00:52:13Deja vu.
00:52:23Ah!
00:52:25Oh, my God.
00:52:27Oh, my God.
00:52:29Oh, my God.
00:52:31Oh, my God.
00:52:33Oh, my God.
00:52:35Oh, my God.
00:53:05Oh, my God.
00:53:07Oh, my God.
00:53:09Oh, my God.
00:53:11Oh, my God.
00:53:13Oh, my God.
00:53:15Oh, my God.
00:53:17Oh, my God.
00:53:19Oh, my God.
00:53:21Oh, my God.
00:53:23Oh, my God.
00:53:25Oh, my God.
00:53:27Oh, my God.
00:53:29Oh, my God.
00:53:31Oh, my God.
00:53:33Oh, my God.
00:53:35Oh, my God.
00:53:37Oh, my God.
00:53:39Oh, my God.
00:53:41Oh, my God.
00:53:43Oh, my God.
00:53:45Oh, my God.
00:53:47Oh, my God.
00:53:49Oh, my God.
00:53:51Oh, my God.
00:53:53Oh, my God.
00:53:55Oh, my God.
00:53:57Oh, my God.
00:53:59Oh, my God.
00:54:01Oh, my God.
00:54:03Oh, my God.
00:54:05Oh, my God.
00:54:07Oh, my God.
00:54:09Oh, my God.
00:54:11Oh, my God.
00:54:13Oh, my God.
00:54:15Oh, my God.
00:54:17Oh, my God.
00:54:19Oh, my God.
00:54:21Oh, my God.
00:54:23Oh, my God.
00:54:25Oh, my God.
00:54:27Oh, my God.
00:54:29Oh, my God.
00:54:37Oh, my God.
00:54:43Oh.
00:54:53What's she doing?
00:54:55Every time somebody says groovy on the television,
00:54:58she's taking a drink.
00:55:04Does my face look red to you?
00:55:06Maribel, you were always so concerned with your face.
00:55:09Do you think angels live in our hair?
00:55:12Maribel.
00:55:14Angels.
00:55:16Do you think angels live in our hair?
00:55:21I think angels are real,
00:55:23and tiny, and transparent.
00:55:25They live in our hair.
00:55:28Sometimes they sit and dangle their feet
00:55:30over the top of our ears
00:55:32so that they can give us advice
00:55:34when we're having trouble.
00:55:36Maribel.
00:55:39Excuse me.
00:55:55Jerome.
00:55:57I can do the headstand, Leslie.
00:55:59Leslie.
00:56:01You like that?
00:56:03Jerome.
00:56:05Oh, no. Jerome.
00:56:07Jerome, we're not gonna do this.
00:56:09Jerome.
00:56:29What a mess.
00:56:31Jerome, you're gonna be okay.
00:56:37Sit down, and I'll get you your dinner.
00:56:41Another bubbling concoction of crap.
00:56:52Why can't we ever have a real meal?
00:56:54Well, this one is turkey divanstrata,
00:56:58and you love it.
00:57:00I made it for you our first night in this house.
00:57:03Do you remember, Connie?
00:57:05Steak would be a good meal.
00:57:07You too lazy to cut up some real vegetables
00:57:09and grill me a piece of meat?
00:57:12Well, this has turkey in it,
00:57:14and it's got some spinach,
00:57:16and it's very, very good for you, Connie.
00:57:18Sterling says Kitty makes a different meal every night.
00:57:22Kitty is not creative.
00:57:27What about roast chicken?
00:57:29I would love a roast chicken.
00:57:32Kitty is my very good friend,
00:57:36but I can assure you she is not roasting chickens.
00:57:40Kitty does not know how to bake a potato.
00:57:46You don't even try.
00:57:48You do nothing.
00:57:50Hell, even the can opener does the work for you.
00:57:54Connie, today was Leslie's day.
00:57:58I didn't have time to trust you a bird.
00:58:02I didn't have time to trust you a bird.
00:58:10You're a stupid little hole, you know that?
00:58:14Connie, I saw you fucking that bitch.
00:58:19And I saw that you liked it.
00:58:23Is it because she was a stranger?
00:58:26Is that what it takes now, Connie?
00:58:28A stranger?
00:58:32I don't know.
00:58:35I don't know.
00:58:38I don't know.
00:58:40Connie, a stranger?
00:58:45Do you really want to get into this now?
00:58:48I'm just not so sure why you invited those people into our house.
00:58:53They're not part of our little group.
00:58:55You mean they had nothing to do with you and Max Beatum?
00:58:58I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:59Oh, come on, sugar, be honest.
00:59:01You've been wet for Max since they moved across the street.
00:59:05I know how that deceitful mind of yours works.
00:59:08You couldn't wait to get Max inside you.
00:59:11You planned that party and got us all drunk so you'd have an excuse to live out your fantasy.
00:59:16I'll tell you something.
00:59:17You take things and you mess it around.
00:59:19I don't know how to reach you anymore, Connie.
00:59:21I don't know how to talk to you.
00:59:30You don't know what you're talking about.
00:59:33Would you like one scoop or would you like two?
00:59:38I don't want your fucking casserole.
00:59:42I'm sick of it.
00:59:43I'm sick of you.
00:59:45I'm sick of this house.
00:59:46I'm sick of your whiny mouth.
00:59:48I made you that dinner, Connie.
00:59:51You used to like that dish.
00:59:53You used to love, love, love turkey di monstrata.
00:59:59I worked hard to make dinner tonight because I wanted to make you happy.
01:00:05I worked hard to make you happy, Connie, and you ruined it.
01:00:09You ruined our dinner.
01:00:12You get drunk and you get mad and you ruin everything.
01:00:16You lock yourself in that fucking bathroom and you go after that...
01:00:23Whatever you do to yourself, Connie.
01:00:28Your leg.
01:00:31Your leg looks like raw hamburger meat.
01:00:36How am I supposed to love that?
01:00:38Shut your fucking mouth.
01:00:48Just stop it.
01:00:54Just stop it.
01:01:00Connie.
01:01:10Connie.
01:01:15I'm pregnant.
01:01:26Whore.
01:01:31Isn't that an ugly word?
01:01:38I think it's the hard H sound.
01:01:43Followed by that hard R.
01:01:48Whore.
01:01:50That's a really ugly word, isn't it?
01:01:53Whore.
01:01:56You almost have to expectorate to say it.
01:02:00Whore.
01:02:03I think that's what makes it such a horrible word.
01:02:07Not just the consonants hitting each other.
01:02:11That it takes effort to say it.
01:02:15Whore.
01:02:24You really have to push to get it out.
01:02:30Please.
01:02:35Please, Connie.
01:02:37Just help me.
01:02:40Just help me.
01:02:43Whore.
01:02:49Whore.
01:02:55Help me.
01:02:57Please don't leave me.
01:02:59Please don't leave me, Connie.
01:03:01Connie, come back here, please.
01:03:04Please, Connie.
01:03:08I'm just so sorry.
01:03:12Connie, I'm sorry.
01:03:14Please come back here.
01:03:17Connie.
01:03:19Connie.
01:03:27I'm a lemon.
01:03:29I'm a bag of jello.
01:03:31Look at me, I'm a yeti.
01:03:33I'm a weirdo.
01:03:43You're perfect.
01:03:46Hey, Ned.
01:03:49Come here for a second.
01:03:51What do you want?
01:03:55What's going on, Ned?
01:03:58I gotta be someplace. I gotta go.
01:04:00Wait.
01:04:04I thought maybe we could, um...
01:04:07get together some time.
01:04:09No.
01:04:15There's only one that works.
01:04:18Really?
01:04:23Really.
01:04:28You know, if we're not getting that way,
01:04:31you sure give a hell of a blowjob, buddy.
01:04:39Get the fuck out of my life.
01:04:51Oh, my God.
01:05:00It's really what happened.
01:05:03It's okay.
01:05:10It's okay.
01:05:12Oh, shh, okay.
01:05:14I'm here.
01:05:16I'm here.
01:05:18Okay, okay.
01:05:20I'm here.
01:05:34I'm here.
01:05:37I'm here.
01:05:42Hey, I'm not going anywhere.
01:05:47I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
01:06:07Hello, Max.
01:06:09Hello.
01:06:11I've missed you so much.
01:06:13Shit, why didn't you go in there?
01:06:15You're all sweaty, Max.
01:06:17I just got back from a run.
01:06:19How long will it take you to pack?
01:06:21My things are all ready.
01:06:23I figure if we leave now,
01:06:25we could have a good time.
01:06:27I don't think so.
01:06:29I don't think so.
01:06:31I don't think so.
01:06:33I don't think so.
01:06:35I figure if we leave now,
01:06:37we could be to Vegas by nightfall.
01:06:39Sugar, what are you talking about?
01:06:41Oh, we're gonna start a new life together, Max.
01:06:44You and I.
01:06:46Won't it be divine?
01:06:49I'm having our baby, Max.
01:06:53We did it.
01:06:55You and I.
01:06:57Baby beat him.
01:06:59It'll be the most beautiful baby ever.
01:07:02I've never felt this way before.
01:07:04You don't understand.
01:07:06I feel alive for the first time ever
01:07:08in my whole life, Max.
01:07:10Everything is going to be okay.
01:07:12Sugar, I don't know what's going on in that head of yours,
01:07:14but I'm not leaving my wife.
01:07:20But you're gonna be a daddy, Max.
01:07:23A real father.
01:07:26How do you know it's mine?
01:07:28Everyone was with everyone.
01:07:31What about Connie?
01:07:34Connie hasn't touched me in eons.
01:07:37We were drunk. We were having fun.
01:07:41You've probably forgotten this is someone else's mistake.
01:07:44A mistake?
01:07:46Oh, Max.
01:07:48Don't be silly.
01:07:50We love each other.
01:07:52I love you, and you love me.
01:07:55We met in private, remember?
01:07:58That made a difference.
01:08:00Sugar.
01:08:03I love Maribel.
01:08:05She's my wife.
01:08:08And I'm not gonna leave her.
01:08:10Not now, not ever.
01:08:16I'm sorry, Sugar.
01:08:18I'm sorry if you got hurt.
01:08:20Oh, no. I'm fine. I'm just fine.
01:08:23Everything's gonna be okay.
01:08:29I'm okay.
01:08:36What am I supposed to do, Max?
01:08:43What am I supposed to do?
01:08:46What am I supposed to do?
01:08:51You'll figure it out, Sugar.
01:09:16I love you.
01:09:18I love you.
01:09:20I love you.
01:09:46Leslie.
01:09:50Leslie.
01:10:20Leslie.
01:10:31You look good like that.
01:10:33Natural.
01:10:35Oh, Max.
01:10:38My eyes disappear.
01:10:40And my lips are too thin.
01:10:42I don't like the paint.
01:10:45All the other girls are so...
01:10:48put together.
01:10:50So with it.
01:10:52I've gotta be more like that.
01:10:55I'm such a square.
01:10:58Belle, come here.
01:11:10I've been thinking.
01:11:15Let's try to have a baby.
01:11:21Oh, Max.
01:11:24I don't know.
01:11:28I'd have to buy a whole new wardrobe.
01:11:31And this house is our house.
01:11:33It's not a house for a baby.
01:11:36You are beautiful.
01:11:40Just like this.
01:11:42And I don't care about any of that stuff.
01:11:49I want to start over again.
01:11:51Move away from here.
01:11:54Okay.
01:11:55Move away from our friends?
01:11:57Everyone.
01:12:01Oh, Max, yes.
01:12:03Yes, I want to.
01:12:05We'll buy a new house.
01:12:07A bigger house.
01:12:08Yeah.
01:12:09And we'll paint it.
01:12:11I'll pick out soothing colors for our baby.
01:12:13And we'll put a swing set in the backyard.
01:12:16And we'll have real grass.
01:12:18Yeah.
01:12:19And trees.
01:12:20We can move to Colorado.
01:12:21Yes.
01:12:22Away in the mountains.
01:12:23Yes.
01:12:24Away from everybody.
01:12:25And I'll slide out of bed in the morning and pull my hair back and make pancakes for the whole family.
01:12:28Belle, I want to.
01:12:30We can live somewhere with no mirrors, right?
01:12:34No mirrors.
01:12:36Yes, Belle, Belle.
01:12:38We don't have to live with any of that stuff.
01:12:44I feel like everybody's always looking at me.
01:12:50The only neighbors we'll have are the deer and the squirrels.
01:13:04Come on.
01:13:05Help me.
01:13:08Yes.
01:13:22I love you, wife.
01:13:23I love you.
01:13:24I love you, husband.
01:13:38I love you.
01:13:51Jesus H. Christ.
01:13:53Holy shit.
01:13:56How did we miss this the first time?
01:14:01Un-fucking-believable.
01:14:09I come from Colorado.
01:14:13And I'm from California.
01:14:39I love you.
01:14:40I love you.
01:14:41I love you.
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