- 5/19/2025
Inside Our ADHD Minds
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00:00I never look at old photographs of myself I had to fetch these out of the
00:06loft even these I find things like this I was in my 20s when I took that
00:13photograph I remember everything about that that evening I was in a really
00:17really bad place a really really bad place this picture doesn't paint too
00:23optimistic a scene either does it you see I always felt different I didn't
00:31understand why I couldn't deal sometimes with the anger and the frustration and I
00:39think that perhaps many neurodiverse people whether it's ADHD dyslexia or
00:44autism before they understand that condition before they get the support
00:50they require they can feel really isolated and I suppose in simple terms
00:56if I could sum it up the one reason that I'm making this program it would be this
01:01photograph because I don't want anyone else to be feeling what I'm feeling in
01:06that moment two years ago I made a series helping autistic people like me
01:15to my mum share their inner worlds love you with the people they love proud of
01:22you now I want other neurodivergent people to have the same opportunity one
01:30in seven of us have brains that work differently with more people being
01:35diagnosed with conditions like autism dyslexia and ADHD than ever before yet
01:41all too often we find ourselves misunderstood reduced to stereotypes
01:47made to feel like we don't fit in neurodivergent people are more likely to
01:54experience depression anxiety even suicidal thoughts so I want to do
02:01everything I can to tackle this hidden crisis and I'm starting with ADHD
02:09banging working with top filmmakers every day it feels like I'm fighting my
02:15brain designers and animators I'm giving two people with ADHD the
02:22chance to bring their experiences to life the ADHD was playing havoc up here
02:28they'll create powerful short films just so proud of you that reveal to their
02:36family and friends Wow how they're really feeling inside
02:43and give us all a better understanding of ADHD minds
02:50you
03:02attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a rather unhelpful name for ADHD I
03:09don't like calling it a disorder it's more of a difference in the way the
03:15brain works and people with ADHD don't have a deficit of attention they
03:21struggle to regulate their attention their minds quickly jumping from one
03:26thing to the next I'm gonna meet Henry I'm very excited about that he was
03:31diagnosed with ADHD during his a levels he tried medication but he didn't like
03:36how it made him feel Henry lives in London with his flatmate
03:43Callum originally from Oxford close with his parents but he doesn't let them
03:50see the real Henry because he's embarrassed sadly I think that might be
03:59true of many people who are newer diverse
04:06Henry works as a tour guide hello lovely to meet you how we doing lovely to meet
04:11you man Henry and today I'm joining his group are we ready to go and explore
04:16some of Soho yeah yeah fantastic should we head off this way follow me
04:23the rain is doing little to dampen Henry spirits this here is the windmill and in
04:291932 Laura Henderson turned it into a cabaret club welcome guys to not only
04:37Ronnie Scott's but world-famous Ronnie Scott's he's confident witty and
04:44knowledgeable this is a fascinating pub this is rock and roll HQ we are hanging
04:49on his every word thank you so much for coming on the tour let's go get a beer
04:54stop it this abundance of energy is often associated with the hyperactive
05:01side of ADHD and it's wonderful that Henry has found a way to channel it into
05:06his work that tour was absolutely brilliant all of the dates all of the
05:14names all of the anecdotes delivered with consummate confidence so good
05:20anyone gonna get back in for my pint
05:26no I've got really got a pint because I don't drink pints in pubs I'm only
05:31pretending to say that for the program
05:37but what I'm not seeing in Henry are any signs of a struggle I wonder if there
05:44are other times in his life when having ADHD isn't quite as helpful
05:51hello Chris how we doing hello come on in thank you yeah I've invited myself
06:05round to Henry's flat to dig a little deeper around the bend got a broad taste
06:12in music I love music it's quite a constant in my life is it tuna but if
06:18they're not swimming they drown sharks sharks sorry I feel like that with music
06:22if I'm moving or I'm doing anything there's music it's a soundtrack to the
06:26chaos put it that way can I sit here yes absolutely mate take a seat okay
06:34can we be specific about the ADHD and how it manifests in your day-to-day life
06:38then I think frustration is a huge part of my life because every day is a bit of
06:43a kind of task to get through it not to mess up massively what is a mess up oh
06:49you know you forget your keys you forget your wallet being late for work the
06:54amount of times I've missed parties that my friends have organized months in
06:59advance for their birthdays I miss the dissertation meeting at university
07:04because I woke up and all I could think about was I wanted breakfast which is
07:08rare for me I never eat breakfast banged up a sausage sarnie awesome had an
07:12amazing time meanwhile 25 missed calls on my phone and everything going mental
07:17the night before I went to bed I thought I've got my dissertation meeting
07:20tomorrow I knew it was in my head but it just didn't break the surface in the
07:23morning until it was too late and I missed it I hated myself that I was so
07:28upset by it I have no control over it it seems I just see everyone else around me
07:33flying along and doing everything would have been flying along I just I feel
07:40like I'm floundering a little bit in the sense that what you're not as
07:43successful at managing your life or your career or all of the above
07:51this is a very different Henry from the self-assured man I met on the tour many
07:58people with ADHD speak about having difficulty with everyday tasks
08:02remembering appointments getting out of the house sorting the laundry trying to
08:08find my coat 20p if you need it these are all things that all of us struggle
08:14with now and again but for Henry they dominate his life I've asked him to show
08:21me the part of his flat he's most embarrassed about his bedroom I always
08:28wanted to hide it not let anyone really see it I think my mum would pass out if
08:33she sees this you've got obviously a well-ordered floor job yeah there is a
08:39loose system this is kind of the clothes I I'm not sure if I can wear again and
08:44haven't the stomach to check and then dirty stuff got the jumpers over there
08:48it's my coffee machine without a water tank so is it broken it's broken yeah
08:52yeah so how long has it been there not working how long I lived it nine months
08:56nine months nine months yeah and it's frustrating because to the outside world
09:01you just think what a lazy goose it's not laziness so is it it's not that you
09:07can't be bothered to do it no it feels like a tombola right where every day
09:12there's a million things in this tombola ball right that needs to be done or
09:16things I need to remember you know text your mate or you know always your
09:20birthday or you need to eat or you need to get a coffee tank these sort of
09:23things and my body will kind of spit a ball out so you take what comes out yeah
09:29and do it yeah so is the emergence of the ball from the tombola almost a
09:34random thing yeah it feels like that why can't you reach into the tombola and
09:39pick the ball out you want there's so much going on quite often that it feels
09:46completely infeasible to reach for anything because I've been keeping this
09:51to myself never showing anyone never talking about it trying to hide it when
09:55I do show it it feels so exposing I feel almost a visceral reaction to
10:06Henry's you know perceived shame you know just because he hasn't got the
10:11triggers just because he can't flick that domino to get the rest of all that
10:16doesn't make him a lazy person it makes him a person who's operating in a
10:21different way he's not wrong it's not broken he's just different
10:33this difference in Henry was spotted early when he was still at school but
10:39for the second person I'm meeting the road to diagnosis was much longer right
10:48let's see Joe 51 diagnosed with ADHD two years ago during the menopause loves
10:54horses and dance music she takes medication and finds it really helpful
11:00lives with wife Allie and daughter Winnie who is six I'm on a roll what's
11:05next a daughter Katie's 23 lives in Nottingham she's invited me to meet her
11:12at the stables near her home hello hello nice to meet you how'd you do I'm
11:20very well welcome to my second home smells so good I know smell of hay and
11:25horses I love it I love it well the smell of the animals is fantastic but
11:30yes where's the real deal can we meet this is my real deal here we call a
11:35nori we get around yes sure I'll grab a lead rope nori come on then good girl
11:50horses have remained a constant in Joe's life it's quite a commitment isn't it
11:56it's a huge commitment but it's um it's probably the one thing I've committed to
12:02more than anything else but other parts of her life have been rather more
12:08changeable when I left school I did a course on hotel management no idea why
12:14that was so boring I nearly got thrown off it because I was caught riding on
12:19the cleaning machines down the corridor when we did the housekeeping after that
12:24I went and worked for solicitors I got bored of that I got a job in London as a
12:29training manager for computer company left that after six months difficulty
12:34adapting to traditional work environments and the urge to chase
12:38novelty means that many people with unmanaged ADHD end up hopping from job
12:44to job Joe tried 14 different careers then she hit a crisis point I was
12:54managing a project deadlines audits reports to be done lots of things that
12:59had to be planned and organized and I remember sitting at home on my dining
13:04room table and just thinking I can't do my job I think I'm gonna have to speak
13:13to my boss and come down a level which you'd previously been coping with fine
13:17yeah yeah okay yeah about it was always last minute just about kind of got got
13:25things done Joe had no idea why she was struggling until friends started talking
13:32about ADHD my eldest daughter Katie a friend of hers at uni was diagnosed with
13:39ADHD and then my wife Ali had somebody at her work who was diagnosed and she
13:45could see the same difficulties that person was having as I was so they both
13:50sort of spoke to me about have you never previously suspected no nothing never
13:55never is that because you didn't have any awareness of it and the way that it
14:01manifests itself I just thought I was rubbish at a lot of things I thought
14:04that just I was forgetful and that was I was a bad person so getting that
14:12diagnosis was brilliant in many ways because it made so many things make
14:19sense that was reassuring yeah but I felt such kind of like like a grief for
14:27me as a child as a teenager as a young adult thinking well oh if I'd have
14:33known about this 10 20 30 even 40 years ago did all of those things that had
14:40been happening then had an explanation is that what happened in a massive
14:43cascade yes that's why oh that's why and then I tried medication and that worked
14:51and the things started to sort of calm down but it it took one I'm still angry
14:55I'm still quite angry about a lot of things I'm angry about what I could have
15:00maybe been because I didn't know what I wanted to do my late dad I remember him
15:05saying to me once Joe you're like a butterfly what do you mean it's where
15:09you go from one you go from one thing to another you go from one flower to
15:13another when you can actually settle on something now I realize why because it's
15:20it's hard to settle on one thing with ADHD apart from this to help me
15:34understand what's going on in the brains of people with ADHD I've come to this
15:38market in Camden North London to meet dr. Tony Lloyd
15:42ah Tony hi you're right yep great good come on let's head in Tony was diagnosed
15:50with ADHD in his late 20s and now campaigns for better support for
15:55neurodivergent people Tony if I'm honest with you this environment is a bit
15:59challenging visually there's so many colors form shapes textures then there's
16:05the sounds music drilling voices and then all the smells because there's
16:11loads of food here it's just this wall of distraction and everything is calling
16:17for your attention and that's a bit like what ADHD is like all the time
16:25problems directing attention is something both Henry and Joe have
16:30spoken about but there are other aspects to the ADHD experience
16:38well there are three core characteristics to ADHD they are
16:42impulsivity hyperactivity and inattentiveness you only have to have two
16:48of those three to get a formal diagnosis you know we can all be a bit hyperactive
16:53impulsive inattentive particularly when we're stressed but when you have ADHD
16:57they are part of who you are 24 hours a day and can significantly impact on your
17:04life particularly things that your executive functioning skills your
17:08ability to plan and organize time management all of those things on a day
17:13to day basis can make your life quite chaotic if you're not managing them well
17:17and what do we know about the neurology of that what do we know about our brain
17:22chemistry that's impacting on ADHD well we know the brains of people with ADHD
17:27are structurally and functionally different one of the fascinating things
17:31we've learned about is something called the default mode network when you're
17:34focused on a task your brain naturally quietens down other areas with an ADHD
17:40brain even when you're focusing on something the rest of your brain kind of
17:45stays little it's you stay quite distractible it's a bit like trying to
17:50watch six televisions all at once when really you're only trying to watch one
17:54screen but you can't filter out the other five this is brain chemistry brain
17:58communication basically that's right we know that in an ADHD brain there are
18:04lower levels of dopamine which is an excitory hormone it helps to motivate us
18:09it plays a key role in concentration learning memory and if you have lower
18:16levels of dopamine you have lower levels of noradrenaline and we know that low
18:21levels of noradrenaline correlate with things like anxiety and depression but
18:27because we understand that about those neurotransmitters it is a condition that
18:31we can treat with drugs yeah and Ritalin is one of those yes how do the drugs
18:36work and and do they work yes they most certainly do they're one of the most
18:40successful compounds ever created stimulant medications increase the
18:44levels of dopamine that are available in your brain and that then makes it easier
18:50for you to concentrate there's been some quite disturbing things in the
18:54press recently about ADHD being a fad that it's being over diagnosed well
19:00there has been a significant increase Chris but these headlines really
19:04misleading we know from the World Health Organization that ADHD affects 6% of the
19:10global population but in the UK we've only ever diagnosed about 1 to 2 percent
19:15at the most it's been significantly under diagnosed and unsupported in the
19:22UK for decades so what we're seeing now is a rebalancing if you like and it's
19:28not about giving everybody medication because not everybody wants or needs
19:32medication but in order to live successfully with it as many people do
19:37you have to understand what it is what it isn't and how it's affecting you
19:44for a topic that seems to be constantly hitting the headlines it's clear there's
19:50still a great deal we all need to understand about ADHD and for Henry and
19:55Joe this starts with the people they care about most
20:02you'll see in a minute how neat and tidy my parents put houses houses so me being
20:15juxtaposed to that I think there were times of tension but yeah yeah I'm
20:19excited for you to meet them out of everyone in his life the people Henry is
20:26most keen to open up to are his family so we're having dinner with mum Kath dad
20:34Phil and sister Joanna
20:39thank you food etiquette is firstly thank you very much for dinner and thank
20:45you very much for going vegan on my behalf I appreciate that moving swiftly
20:50on Henry as a younger man as a boy in fact yeah tell me all about him don't
20:59spare his blushes as soon as he could move really he was different to Joanna
21:04Joanna would sit on your knee and just look at what was going on whereas Henry
21:08would be all around the room I remember once went to the Lake District and
21:12Henry had gone into the pub and he was holding court with all of these like
21:15local men in the pub like just entertaining them having a big old chat
21:18I would say during primary schools everything is great it's short lessons
21:21it's quite a lot of it's verbal perfect secondary school especially head towards
21:26GCSE a lot more books a lot more structure longer lessons and that's when
21:31I think you started to struggle a bit he couldn't sit down and learn the facts so
21:37we hatched a plan and we had flashcards and we stood out there and well I sat
21:44down with the flashcards going Henry answer this question while Henry hit
21:47balls down the garden and and that that works it was just about finding ways
21:51that that he could do it it was quite incredible you taught yourself all of my
21:56GCSEs what grade did you get what grade did your mum get that's what we can't
21:59play that game and I ain't winning but no but then to translate that and put it
22:02in my head okay but let's skip forward and what what finally prompted seeking
22:07the ADHD diagnosis you were just really unhappy and I began to think we probably
22:12wouldn't finish school because he just didn't want to be there he came to us
22:17and said I think I might have ADHD and and we went well no no yeah I think so
22:24yeah and how did that go which the process of diagnosis and I think the
22:28acknowledgement that there that it was ADHD was was sort of upsetting for a
22:32little bit but in a way good because we knew what it was and we could we could
22:38address it we could resolve it you know once you know what it is you can deal
22:41with it okay I'm gonna ask you a question it's quite a difficult question
22:44but you need to answer as honestly as possible how well do you think you know
22:48Henry out of ten I'm gonna go for a I'd like to think it's seven okay I'm gonna
22:55go bold eight bold eight I would think eight maybe nine like heading up in the
23:02direction of nine perhaps we say eight and a half eight and a half let's say
23:06eight and a half I want to know from Henry how accurate those scores are
23:15your sister scored an 8.5 in terms of how well they know you mm-hmm
23:20sisters bang on the money so your dad scored a 7 what would you say a 5 or a
23:306 5.5 and mum she was 8 I'd say 5 5 yeah okay cuz they'll worry if I lift
23:40they knew the whole truth well that's what I'm scared of anyway what are they
23:42missing they have zero idea about you know stay at my flat and shouldn't ever
23:48lie to your mother I know very bad slap your hand have you eaten today Henry oh
23:53yeah a lovely breakfast I'm eating since midday yesterday but she will then be
23:59able to get on with her day and enjoy it and I know I'm fine I'll eat at some
24:02point I am completely out of control and they don't know that because I don't
24:10tell I hide it so yeah you've told me things that you haven't told your
24:18parents yeah and when you make your film you're making it to tell them those
24:24things yeah and I don't tell them because I'm kind of know that it's
24:28through love and care that they do it but that they'll try and help me and
24:33sometimes that's a lot and I don't want to confront that yeah I don't do man
24:41hugs so you imagine one yeah elbow or just about there we go mate it's been a
24:47pleasure no it's um yeah you know a little bit more about Henry there it's
24:52good I hope that the film Henry and I make
24:56together will allow him to share with his family the true extent of his
25:01struggles and that they'll understand this is part of what makes him the
25:07person he is I'm back in Hertfordshire to visit Jo she was 49 when she was
25:20diagnosed hello welcome and I'm interested in how being undiagnosed for
25:27so long affected life at home with elder daughter Katie and wife Ali I remember
25:34many a time when we've been sort of going out doing something when I was a
25:38child and you get a text from someone at my school's mum going hi is Katie still
25:42coming to the party and we've not got a present I wasn't dressed because she'd
25:46completely forgotten that we were meant to be going to this party and just I
25:50think a lot of stuff like that growing up that would frustrate me quite a lot
25:54felt like you were the child that I was having to organize she's always been
25:59quite loud and chaotic and things like that I just thought that was part of her
26:05personality that's how did that sort of present in a sort of in a day-to-day
26:09basis struggling to just plan her day struggling to get out of the house on
26:14time that's one of the things that's got better with with medication but if we
26:19decide to maybe both have a day off work because we want to do lots of chores in
26:23the house I I get frustrated because I'm having to supervise Joe's chores
26:30while trying to get mine done Ali and Katie are making light of this but
26:35things took a turn when Joe reached the menopause for me the menopause was more
26:39physical and tiredness but the ADHD was was was playing havoc up here so be
26:46tired have ADHD not sleeping just went just went boom so the menopause
26:52essentially ramped up yes those symptoms yes it got to the point where
26:58we were struggling to cope it was that extreme yeah wouldn't you say I think I
27:06had to step up more even more than I did before and I was always the one to put
27:14the pieces together get people like organized and knowing what they've got
27:18to do next and that then put a lot of toll on me
27:24Joe's diagnosis was clearly a watershed moment not just for her but for the
27:30whole family where are we going Ali I'm gonna show you my shed shed well it's a
27:40workshop yeah so this is just where I feel comfortable and I can have some
27:47time to myself the diagnosis and subsequent medication must have been a
27:54relief yeah yeah it would have been impossible to carry on like that I was
28:00taking on more than I could manage and I ended up off work for about three months
28:04and I went through a bit of a self-discovery for me about asking for
28:08help and talking about my feelings and I think that probably helped Joe realize
28:12the impact that she was having on me hmm and you're two people who love one
28:18another yeah did it come in the nick of time
28:23I think so it's really hard because when things get better I think you often
28:29forget how bad they were
28:34it feels like Joe's diagnosis has helped her family address many of the practical
28:40challenges with ADHD but I suspect she might still be holding back on sharing
28:46the emotional side one of the words that you've used when it comes to addressing
28:53your diagnosis and reconciling everything that means is grief is that
28:59part an essential part of the process do you think there was really quite fiercely
29:04this grief for the person that I think I could have been and that completeness
29:12I could have felt a long time ago rather than having it in my 50s so how much do
29:19Ali and Katie know about that they don't quite get maybe how deep that goes
29:24because they will say and very supportively but it's fine now but look
29:31now you've succeeded in this you've succeeded at that they see it now
29:35because they haven't got that years of history that I'm perhaps that I'm
29:41carrying around so would it be fair to say that you do proactively hide that
29:46from Ali and Katie I probably do yes
29:53it's clear that Joe had a lifetime of turmoil chaos and difficulty which
30:05reached its zenith at the onset of her menopause where all of those symptoms
30:11exploded that was a period of enormous difficulty and when I hear her say words
30:16like guilt and grief it's clear that you know she's got a way a way to go
30:25hopefully the film we make together will not only give Joe the chance to explain
30:29how she feels but also to process some of the emotions that might be holding
30:35her back
30:38the fact that Joe wasn't diagnosed until she was an adult is surprisingly common
30:49especially amongst women to help me understand why I'm joining a workshop
30:55run by ADHD artist Leanne I think that's everybody here so Chris thanks for
31:02coming yes good thank you also joining us is professor Amanda Kirby chair of
31:09the ADHD foundation so the plan is to design a mural art piece as a way to
31:18find some calm some focus to process to talk whilst cutting shapes so everyone's
31:23got a pair of scissors I think as we work the group share their diagnosis
31:29stories has everyone else been like formally diagnosed already two years ago
31:36in February I was diagnosed I was 59 for years I think I didn't notice the ADHD
31:43because I was in active addiction when I was young around drugs and alcohol to
31:48what extent do you think the drugs and alcohol were part of the process of
31:52managing yourself I think it's definitely it was self-medicating
31:56because it's uncomfortable being me sometimes I turned 40 this year but I'm
32:02still waiting for my diagnosis when I approached the doctor he basically said
32:08to me oh are you sure you're not just jumping on the bandwagon did you just
32:12see a tick-tock and think that you might have ADHD these stories are shocking to
32:19me but all too familiar to Amanda historically what has hidden ADHD in in
32:27in women so 20 years ago if you were a clinician trying to diagnose you using
32:33a rating this which had gender bias in it females with ADHD do have different
32:39symptoms like inattention dreaminess anxiety fatigue sleep disturbance in
32:45school boys are more likely to be overtly hyperactive can't sit still
32:49fidget or answering out of turn but girls were being seen as not focusing
32:54not trying hard enough so when they didn't marry up with what boys ADHD
32:59looked like they weren't considered to be ADHD symptoms and signs it never
33:05crossed my mind that I might have ADHD I had been previously misdiagnosed when
33:11they came to mental health and they put me on this really high-level medication
33:16that just wiped me as a person so is it that they would misdiagnosed undiagnosed
33:22so missed misdiagnosed misunderstood that's why we're getting women in their
33:2730s 40s 50s 60s coming forward and saying this is me now
33:32perimenopause kind of made things quite challenging for me I was an engineer and
33:37I was really struggling so I ended up leaving work yeah sometimes I could do
33:42stuff and sometimes I couldn't and I didn't know why people would tell me why
33:46and their assumptions would always be you don't want to you're lazy you can't
33:49be honest so to what extent are we addressing this at the moment now what
33:55we're seeing from the research around perimenopause well that's a terrible time
33:59of your life because your hormones are going all over the place right and
34:03estrogen has an impact on dopamine one of the neurotransmitters not the only
34:07neurotransmitter involved in ADHD but an important one so symptoms seem to get
34:13worse at that stage and we really only known about that consistently over the
34:18last two three four years that's new it's astonishing it is when 50%
34:25approximately of the population of female
34:33I found that to be an empowering experience however there are very
34:41apparently issues and legacies of late diagnosis of ADHD and women the fact
34:46that there's a lack of gender equality where women are still not being listened
34:51to where they're being disregarded or their symptoms are being explained away
34:55and frankly it's more than embarrassing in 21st century Britain that that
34:59persists
35:09I'm very excited it's been a while since we've been in a costume in London work
35:17is starting on Henry's short film it will feature a mysterious character
35:23created by Henry to represent his ADHD Henry and his girlfriend Eleanor are
35:31heading to a costume house to try and bring him to life with the help of
35:36fashion lecturer Ian Bowden nice to meet you so what character have you come here
35:44today to bring to life it's kind of a representation of the ADHD in me I think
35:50Tom Bowler man why is he called Tom Bowler man I've always pictured there's
35:55a big cage of balls I say on the like Tom ball yeah and sometimes on these on
36:01these kind of Tom Bowler balls there's just things and I don't feel I
36:05necessarily have control over sometimes yeah and Tom Bowler man's the one is
36:08just pulling them out and he's not really picking out the balls that matter
36:12so what is actually written on the balls I mean stuff that I don't need to think
36:19about projects that I've want to start that I haven't yeah and then I haven't
36:24eaten and that ball doesn't show up he makes you doubt everything you do yeah
36:29yeah not my best friend at times no you should go and bring Tom Bowler man to
36:34life hell yeah let's do it let's do it let's go amazing so what would his core
36:41style be do you think the picture out of my head was this dude got the visor on
36:45sunglasses just almost like he's hung over yes almost like he is greasy
36:50horrible dirty clothes bit ragged right is Tom Bowler man bright and colorful
36:55gray gray okay thank you oh yeah literally almost exactly the picture I
37:05had in my head yeah head down kind of yeah don't make eye contact
37:11go yeah with plenty of outfits to choose from it isn't long before Henry's
37:19ADHD alter ego becomes a reality banging I think Tom Bowler man is there fun I've
37:34brought Joe to broadcasting house to record the voiceover for her film for
37:39Allie and Katie thank you very much this is how we're gonna do the recording
37:45Wow exciting Joe's never written a script before so we've decided to do
37:53things a little differently this is where they record women's hour oh I love
37:57women's hour she'll chat to Candace one of our directors about the experiences
38:03and emotions she's been holding back I'd like to have a bit of a natter and see
38:08what we get yeah we are recording the whole time and we'll piece together the
38:14best bits you've talked about secondary school did you hand your homework in on
38:20time no no I remember my mum and dad being called in to see the headmaster
38:29and him saying Joe could absolutely achieve but she just needs to concentrate
38:36and get on with it so I do feel really sad for that girl now could you tell me
38:41about things that people used to say to you you know shush stop talking you need
38:48to sit still you know yeah you're too much all of those sorts of things I've
38:55gone goosebumpy at the back of my neck just talking about this because it
38:59really brings back how that makes you feel and it's this huge big burden that
39:04you carry around and you feel that makes you feel how rubbish you are
39:10together Jo and Candace build up the script I want to let myself shine but
39:16I'm still processing one thing I do know is I'm not too much I was never too much
39:27it's really lovely that's it isn't it that's what I've been saying the whole
39:33time
39:41that's something I think that
39:46it sums it up
39:55script recorded the pictures are next I am really excited be dancing in a
40:02nightclub 11 o'clock in the morning in Hackney brilliant
40:07Joe adores dance music so we're setting her words to a beat and filming the
40:13video in this club action
40:25we've transformed photos from key moments in Joe's life into
40:31kaleidoscopic designs that's me about six and we're projecting them onto her
40:40face transporting her into her past and now I know why my dad used to call me a
40:51butterfly beautiful Ali and Katie when they see this
40:57will have tears running down their face if they don't then I'm gonna be really
41:01cross because it's it should and I think they're gonna get this what's
41:06going walks in here that's a wrap
41:16across London Henry's flat has been turned into a film set Henry wants to
41:27explain to his family how overwhelmed he can feel trying to get through
41:31everyday tasks this scene is relaxing let's start the day in bed we are using
41:39brightly colored balls to represent the hundreds of conflicting instructions
41:43running through his brain on a typical morning every day it feels like I'm
41:49fighting my brain just to get through the very basic of tasks I am Tom Bowler
41:56man and we're witnessing the cinematic debut of Tom Bowler man time
42:07action you do need to do your bike insurance and now seems like the perfect
42:11time all that's left is to pick up the balls a few weeks later I'm back in
42:29Oxfordshire it's the day of Henry's screening and in his parents back garden
42:34final preparations are taking place hello Henry hello Chris how are you you
42:40good yes good to see you again and you how are you then how are you feeling in
42:50terms of today a little bit of anxiety you know it's something that I've kept
42:56in for quite a while that's about to be let out how would you like your parents
43:02to react to the film what would you like to change if nothing comes from this
43:07apart from the facts both my sister and my parents understand what it's like to
43:11be me and that jewel I have with myself then I'll be a very very happy man
43:19joining me in my pop-up cinema a little unsure what they're about to witness
43:27Henry's mum Kath sister Joanna and dad Phil welcome to your marquee good to see
43:36you how are you all okay we're great thank you how do you feel about this
43:40then I'm excited to see it I'm really I've had a couple of little nuggets but
43:44no nothing really so intrigued okay let's run with it yeah
44:05oh you're supposed to see your parents in half an hour
44:31Oh God you're going to be very late so that's Tom Bowler man he's what I call
44:40my ADHD he's constantly feeding me instructions
44:52but it's like he's choosing them completely randomly you do need to do
44:57your bike insurance and now seems like the perfect time sometimes they're
45:04helpful sometimes not so much to see what I mean
45:13oh and before that why don't we go over Henry's top 10 cringiest moments Henry
45:19see every day it feels like I'm fighting my brain just to get through the very
45:23basic of tasks oh and you need to send that email to Julie your boss already
45:29thinks you're an idiot sometimes this constant barrage sends me into a spiral
45:35oh
45:49feels like I'm trapped in a riptide trying to keep my head above water was he
45:55drags me down you are an idiot you haven't texted your mum back or your dad
46:08or your mates some days it's really hard to cope and my brain just won't work at
46:15all
46:18you are such an embarrassment you are the epitome of the rage, the latest and the worst you have ever trusted
46:27you embed your mess into our biggest waste of space
46:32you
46:46see ADHD sometimes has me embarrassed while ashamed I'm scared you're ashamed
46:57too see I don't need fixing this is me see my path through life is
47:05gonna be different and I'd love for you to be alongside with me all the way we
47:14just might take some detours
47:17Wow
47:28Hello Sweetie
47:32Imagine having one of these, eh?
47:34Yeah, yeah, yeah
47:36You'll do very well
47:38It's incredible
47:40That's good
47:42Well done
47:44So good
47:47Oh, thank you, I love you
47:49Right, sit on the soft blanket
47:56I think I was aware, we were aware, that, you know, there's a lot of stuff going on
48:00You know, there's a lot of noise in your head, perhaps not to that volume
48:04I think what I didn't know is just quite how much it's affecting you emotionally
48:11It's incredibly naive, but I only thought that ADHD would affect school
48:15I just don't think I thought beyond that
48:17Yeah
48:18And not realising that there are, you know, there are so many things that you have to be able to accomplish
48:24You know, just to do your daily life
48:27I've been scared, to tell you guys that
48:30I didn't want you guys to think it was something that you had to kind of pick up and put back together
48:37I am really sorry about that
48:39No, no, no
48:40That's not what I wanted it to be, I'm sorry
48:42You know, that sense of we're trying to fix you
48:45The bit I'm really struggling with is this sort of shame thing, because we're so proud of you
48:50We just think you're amazing
48:52Yeah
48:53You've grown so much
48:55And, like, that's amazing
48:57And we will always be there
48:58Thank you, I know that, I appreciate you
49:01Honestly, I could float through the ceiling, I feel so much better
49:04Oh, great, good
49:07Give me a nice coat
49:14So, how do you feel it went then?
49:17Yeah, really, really, really well, really well
49:20Sincerely, one of the most, yeah, beautiful conversations I've had with them to do with this
49:29It feels, I don't know, it feels like I've taken the frost off a windshield
49:34Mission accomplished
49:35Mission accomplished
49:45For any transformation to be positive, you've got to go from somewhere worse to somewhere better
49:50And that's what we've clearly seen here
49:52Because when I first met Henry, I was genuinely saddened by the experience
49:58Here was an incredibly bright, intelligent, sharp, creative young man
50:03Who wasn't very much in love with himself
50:06But he's moved on, he's identified himself more clearly
50:12He's represented himself in that film more clearly
50:15And he's done so with a very clear request
50:18And that is that his family give him the scope to be who he is
50:23He won't have a tidy life
50:26There will always be a degree of chaos
50:28But what beautiful chaos that's going to be
50:33It's the day of Jo's screening
50:40When she'll finally get to share her film with Ali and Katie
50:44Oh, it's your dance interest that's come to the fore
50:52And this Hatfield nightclub is the perfect setting
50:56How are you feeling then, big day?
50:59A little bit apprehensive because it's about me from being a child
51:03And careers and family and friends
51:07It's about my history and then where I am now
51:12And what about Katie and Ali?
51:16Are they ready for it?
51:18Are you ready to show them?
51:20I can't wait for them to see it
51:22Unless you have ADHD yourself, you can't absolutely understand how somebody feels
51:27But I think this film will really give them that history and that story
51:34It's an impressive turnout
51:39With friends and family representing every aspect of Jo's life
51:46Thank you all for coming along today to, what shall we call it, Club Neurodiversity
51:51We put this film together, it's based around Jo's love for dance and dancing
51:56So I hope you enjoy it and I also hope you learn a lot from it too
52:01OK, let's roll the film
52:04Back in the 70s, I'd never heard of ADHD
52:14Too chatty, too cheeky, too loud
52:19But I didn't have to make a decision
52:22Back in the 70s, I'd never heard of ADHD.
52:29Too chatty, too cheeky, too loud.
52:33Headteacher said she could absolutely achieve.
52:37She just needs to concentrate.
52:41I feel sad for what I could have been.
52:48You're too much.
52:50Sit still. Talk quieter.
52:53Why can't I?
52:58My dad used to call me a butterfly.
53:05I had 13 or 14 careers.
53:08Got bored, want to try something else.
53:11You forget people's birthdays.
53:14Double book.
53:16Let somebody down.
53:18That panic and that guilt and that worry.
53:23Bad friend.
53:25Bad daughter.
53:27Bad mother.
53:31Write a list.
53:33Don't interrupt.
53:35Try this app.
53:37It didn't reply.
53:41My dad used to call me a butterfly.
53:49I felt like a bad person for 49 years.
53:54Even though there's no one to blame,
53:56doesn't mean I can't feel angry about it.
53:59I want to let myself shine,
54:01but I'm still working it all out.
54:07Give me time, some understanding, and I'll get there.
54:12I'm not too much.
54:14I was never too much.
54:16And now I know why my dad used to call me a butterfly.
54:43Amazing.
54:45Thank you, my love.
54:48I'm just so proud of you.
54:55I got to be a liar.
55:00Never a bad friend at all.
55:03I thought it was amazing.
55:05She was never ever too much for me.
55:07She was not enough.
55:09I just wanted to spend more time with her,
55:11and now I understand.
55:14Such an inspiration.
55:18What did you think then?
55:20A few tears at the end.
55:22Yeah, it was that bit at the start
55:24when she was just saying that she still doesn't feel like,
55:27you know, she's never felt like she's enough or whatever.
55:30I just wanted to go, you've always been enough, Mum,
55:32I promise you have.
55:33It just, it made me so emotional.
55:35I'm sure you, you know, feel the same.
55:37I feel really proud, but the thing I can't get out of my head
55:40is when people say, you're talking really loudly,
55:43does she see that as me criticising her?
55:45Do we need to have a different way of communicating
55:47that means that she doesn't feel that I'm criticising something
55:50that actually she finds really hard to control?
55:52Is it fair to say that the film was a bit of a revelation then,
55:55in some ways? Yeah.
55:56And I didn't think it would be,
55:58because I thought I knew what it was like in Jo's head.
56:01It's all about working together, isn't it?
56:03And, you know, everybody pitching in
56:05and trying to understand each other. Yeah.
56:11There was an aura in the room when it finished.
56:15I know there were tears, but there were tears for the right reasons.
56:18Yes.
56:19The emotion from people was amazing.
56:22And what about you, how do you feel?
56:24I was very angry when I first spoke to you, really angry.
56:27It's not all gone, but I'd say I'm halfway there.
56:31It's quite a relief, actually, to be able to finally say all of that.
56:37It's a bit like if you want to have a difficult conversation with someone
56:41and you don't know where to start, you never do it.
56:43Well, I've just done that with lots of people closest to me in one go,
56:48which is really scary to start off with, but now it's done,
56:52I feel a real sense of relief and feel that people then understand you.
56:56We used to say as punk rockers that anger is an energy,
57:00but you've got to turn that energy into something positive,
57:03and you've done that. Thank you very much.
57:05Honorary punk rocker.
57:07I'll take that, thank you.
57:09OK.
57:10I'll tidy up, leave the monster munch to me.
57:15I'll wash up.
57:20I think Jo's an extraordinary woman, I thought that as soon as we met.
57:23I loved her exuberant confidence, her determination to meet this task head on.
57:30But she ended up making a film full of that confidence,
57:35and a film that was requesting, not demanding, but requesting understanding.
57:41And she got it.
57:43That room was full of respect, admiration, and love.
57:48And as a bloke who likes butterflies, brimstones, purple emperors,
57:54dark green fritillaries, I've got to say, Jo, for me, is the perfect butterfly.
58:01Next time, I'm exploring dyslexia.
58:04Go on, sis.
58:06I'll help a therapist explain to her brothers her difficulties with organisation.
58:11That thought, like a slippery fish, and you're trying to grab hold of it, and you can't.
58:16And a singing builder confront his childhood struggles.
58:20I just got a bit emotional.
58:22To find out more about ADHD and Jo's experience of getting assessed,
58:27visit bbc.co.uk forward slash inside our minds,
58:32and follow the links to The Open University.
58:53The Open University
58:57www.openuniversity.org
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