Inside Our Dyslexic Minds
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00:00I have a vivid memory of you walking in to my room and I must have only been
00:06six or seven-ish, with a pile of books in your arms. There must have been about 15
00:12books. Yeah I remember that pile of books. Tark of the Otter, Treasure Island.
00:18But it was just this big intimidating pile, a big reminder of something that I
00:23couldn't do or I didn't know how to do. Yeah and I would read to you at night up
00:28until the last two paragraphs of a cliffhanger and I'd leave the page open
00:32to see if you were so enraptured in the story you would finish it but you'd never
00:36finish it. It wasn't gonna happen. It was this huge weight of not wanting to let
00:42you down having given me those books and to this day when everyone hands me a
00:47book it still stresses me out and I think a lot of dyslexic people will
00:52have experienced that. Two years ago I made a series helping autistic people
01:00like me, to my mum, share their inner worlds. I love you. With the people they love.
01:07So proud of you. Now I want other neurodivergent people to have the same
01:13opportunity. One in seven of us have brains that work
01:18differently, with more people being diagnosed with conditions like autism,
01:23dyslexia and ADHD than ever before. Yet all too often we find ourselves
01:30misunderstood, reduced to stereotypes, made to feel like we don't fit in.
01:38Neurodivergent people are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, even
01:43suicidal thoughts. So I want to do everything I can to tackle this hidden
01:49crisis. And this time I'm exploring dyslexia. My stepdaughter Megan is
01:56dyslexic so this subject is very close to my heart.
02:02Working with top filmmakers, animators and musicians, I'll help two
02:11dyslexic people bring their experiences to life. I just got a bit emotional.
02:17They'll make powerful short films, sensational, to reveal to their family
02:24and friends how they're really feeling inside and give us all a better
02:29understanding of dyslexic minds.
02:51I've always found it a cruel irony that dyslexia is such a tricky word to spell.
02:57But whilst the difficulty reading and spelling is at the core of any dyslexia
03:03diagnosis, most dyslexic people will tell you that they also experience problems
03:09in a wide range of things, from memory to organisation.
03:16As is the case for the first person I'm meeting, 53 year old Lee. He was only
03:23diagnosed as dyslexic a few years ago. He worries that his undiagnosed dyslexia
03:29has held him back. Lee trained as a carpenter and now works as a
03:35construction site manager.
03:41He says here he avoids reading and writing as much as he can. He's only ever read
03:46one book, Jurassic Park.
03:54Hey, Chris. Hello, Lee. How are you doing? I'm alright, thank you. You have a safe journey?
04:00Yeah, not bad.
04:03The firm Lee works for is restoring this 19th century chapel into a concert venue.
04:10At the moment we've got some secondary glazing going in because of noise
04:16restrictions we've got here. All the paneling is all in glass.
04:21All the paneling is all acoustic paneling, so I think it's going to be a great little venue.
04:29Let's have a cup of tea, Chris.
04:33This is where it all happens.
04:37You need to put a smile on that face. That's the chaos face.
04:43Looking around the site office, it's immediately apparent how being dyslexic
04:49affects Lee's work. This is a retaining wall. Now I'm absolutely fine looking at
04:57that drawing over there. I can understand the rebar sizes, I can understand
05:01everything on there. That is what I struggle to absorb. Like if I read this
05:09now, a jump, a jump sort of words. That will take me three times longer just to
05:17know what's happening there. So I'd have to leave it there for an hour perhaps,
05:21and then come back to it. These are different contractors on site. This is what we call
05:29the RAMs. Risk Assessment Method Statement. We've got to read all this to make sure
05:35they're compliant. But it'll take me three days to understand them. That's when the
05:41anxiety comes into it.
05:43So the dyslexia definitely has the potential to generate quite significant anxiety.
05:48Oh yeah. Tremendous anxiety. Especially on big jobs as well. I literally have to take
05:56myself away from the job.
05:58What do you do?
06:00I have to go on sick. I have to have a week off. I just reset myself.
06:05How were things at school?
06:07I enjoyed school.
06:09You did enjoy school.
06:10I enjoyed school, but only the practical side of things. I hated English. When they used
06:16to say, stand up to read a paragraph of a book, I'd have a panic. Because I couldn't
06:23do it. I could read, but what I was reading wasn't coming out.
06:31And in the classroom, that's really intimidating, isn't it?
06:36Very intimidating. I used to play up a bit in English to be chucked out so I could go
06:41to woodwork. Just not to be able to stand up and be made a fool of, I thought.
06:50So effectively, education sidelined you, and there wasn't an opportunity for further
06:56education.
06:57No. We were put on a minibus and taken to the local college and sort of thing, and
07:05walked around the bricklaying, the carpentry, and it was more of, look, you can do all these.
07:11So that's right then. I didn't know I had dyslexia then. I just thought it was thick.
07:18I just thought I couldn't do it, and that was it.
07:21But, you know, I know a few people who are builders, you know, and they say, I'm just
07:28a builder, and it's the word just that makes me cross, you know.
07:32And I tend to agree with them.
07:34But you're just a builder.
07:36I'm just a builder.
07:37But you're not just a builder, are you? You already said you've got a trade, you can do carpentry.
07:42I can't do that.
07:43No, but I...
07:44Most of the people watching this are not going to be able to do that.
07:46Yeah, I'm just a builder, and that's what I am.
07:51Outside of work, Lee loves singing with his male voice choir,
07:56but he struggles to learn the songs.
07:59Remember, dyslexia isn't just about reading.
08:03It's a difference in the way the brain processes information,
08:07making lyrics harder to retain.
08:13So the village is on a hill.
08:15So the village is...
08:17Tonnerreval.
08:18Tonnerreval.
08:19Yeah, you got it.
08:20This is it.
08:21This is us coming in.
08:25This is where we live.
08:30Crib sheet, I'm guessing.
08:32Yeah.
08:33I've got a solo to sing in choir.
08:35Oh, yeah.
08:36And it's a big challenge for me to remember it.
08:38It's only four lines, but it's taken me nearly three months to learn.
08:42It's the same lines on the door as well.
08:44So there'll be one by the TV, one by the kitchen,
08:48there'll be one with my guitars.
08:50Have you got it?
08:52I think I've got it.
08:58My conductor's basically, as soon as I see his lips mouth a word,
09:02I know what I am in.
09:04I've learned to lip-read 90% of the songs with him.
09:09It's interesting, isn't it, cos we've both got neurodiverse minds
09:12and they work in completely different ways.
09:14Page of A4, if you give me five minutes,
09:18I'll probably get it 95% right.
09:22Well, that would take me...
09:24Well, I wouldn't be able to do it.
09:26There's things which I would love to do in life,
09:30but I know I can't do them because of my memory.
09:33I'd love to be in a musical,
09:35but I couldn't be on stage without some sort of prompt or something.
09:41I haven't got the confidence.
09:43Listen, I might be able to remember, like, Page of A4,
09:47but you wouldn't hear me sing four lines, would you?
09:50You really wouldn't.
09:53Whilst Lee ended up taking a very practical career path,
09:57many dyslexic people do go on and thrive in more academic environments.
10:03But these dyslexic high-achievers
10:06often become experts in hiding their struggles.
10:10Right, I'm off to meet a man who's a bit like me.
10:14He's a bit like me.
10:16He's a bit like me.
10:19Right, I'm off to meet Suki.
10:21She's 35 years old, lives in South London.
10:24She's recently qualified as a psychotherapist
10:27and works as a counsellor in a secondary school.
10:30Do it like that, that's the head.
10:32She lives with her six-year-old daughter, Eliza,
10:35and they love painting and drawing together.
10:37I need to put more brown on my cheek.
10:40Like Lee, Suki was only diagnosed as an adult.
10:44After returning to education,
10:46to study for a degree.
10:56Hello. Suki, how do you do?
10:58I'm good, welcome back to school.
11:00I don't mind coming back to school when I learn something, I hope.
11:03Exactly.
11:08Suki's dyslexia wasn't spotted earlier
11:11because at school, she spent every lunchtime with her mum.
11:15Every lunchtime and evening,
11:17working in a bid to disguise her problems.
11:21Even today, literacy and organisation remain a challenge.
11:27Even when it comes to going to work,
11:29that can be completely confusing for me
11:33because there's so many small things that I need to remember.
11:36Do I have my bus pass, do I have my phone?
11:39And when I'm trying to schedule appointments,
11:43it can be quite...
11:46..terrifying, honestly.
11:48I double-book, I'll have two young people come into my door at once
11:52or I'll think, why haven't I got anyone in?
11:55Because I haven't scheduled them to come in.
11:58Sometimes I get the feeling that other people are frustrated with me
12:04and I feel frustrated at myself that I should be able to do this,
12:09you know, and why can't I?
12:12What about, for instance, your short-term memory?
12:16It might take me a lot longer than the average person to recall something.
12:21For example, meeting up with friends and saying,
12:24oh, I watched this great movie, and what was it called?
12:29I forgot, you know?
12:31How do you think people perceive that?
12:33You might get this feeling internally that, oh, I'm so stupid.
12:37Well, I know that I'm not stupid.
12:40But, yeah, I forgot what you've asked me, actually.
12:48I don't know what to say, really,
12:50because that was a question I asked, like, 30 seconds ago.
12:54But in the space of time,
12:56your mind drifted into one place and forgot that.
13:00Yeah, that's another thing with dyslexia.
13:02Sometimes you get an idea, someone's talking,
13:06and you desperately want to interrupt,
13:09because otherwise that thought will just disappear.
13:14It's sort of like a slippery fish
13:17and you're trying to grab hold of it and you can't.
13:22These differences in the way dyslexic brains process information
13:26impact people in many different ways.
13:30But one surprisingly common challenge
13:33is with directions and navigation.
13:36For Suki, this is far more frustrating than spelling mistakes.
13:41Suki, I've arranged to meet your dad and your daughter
13:44at a pub for a bit of lunch. OK.
13:47It's the King's Arms in Wandsworth.
13:49How do you feel about navigating to the King's Arms in Wandsworth?
13:53I feel very nervous. I don't know where it is.
13:56I feel like I'm going to get lost.
13:59I feel like it's a bit of a disaster, but we'll try and get there.
14:04OK.
14:08Already I'm thinking, is it down there? Is it up there?
14:11Do we have to cross the road?
14:13Am I going to get the right bus going the wrong way?
14:18To me, this seems like a very simple exercise.
14:22Three minutes. OK.
14:24But for Suki, the anxiety is real.
14:27The bus is here.
14:36What do you think? We're not there yet.
14:39We're there and the dot is there,
14:41but now I'm just trying to figure out, is it this way?
14:46We have to go up this way, she says.
14:54This feels stressful, very stressful.
15:04I can see the King's Arms. No, there it is.
15:07I can breathe easy now.
15:09I think that seems quite straightforward.
15:12It wasn't straightforward to me.
15:14I thought I was going to get lost, then I'm going to get you lost.
15:18Next time will be easier. No, it won't be easier.
15:22Hello. Hello.
15:25Hi. How are you doing? Chris.
15:27I'm Mark. Hello, Eliza. Hello.
15:30I think the one thing that's striking about Suki,
15:33when she's talking about her dyslexia,
15:35is how all of the facets of it come together
15:38to generate a pressure, an anxiety.
15:41Right, let me show you how to board a bus.
15:43So, here we go.
15:45She's got an underlying determination in spades
15:50and that seems to be a characteristic of people who are dyslexic.
15:55They don't want to give up.
15:57They just want to bruise through.
16:00Top work.
16:02High-fives all around.
16:04That's so good.
16:13Lee and Suki have given me an insight
16:16into the myriad ways being dyslexic affects them.
16:20But I'm keen to find out what is known about the science of dyslexia.
16:26I've come to the St Bride's Foundation Print Workshop,
16:29just off Fleet Street.
16:31Joel. Hello. Chris. Pleased to meet you.
16:33How are you doing?
16:35To meet neuroscientist Professor Joel Talcott.
16:37Lovely being here. I know.
16:39Look, here we are in a printing shop full of letters, full of words.
16:43It could be quite an uncomfortable place for some dyslexic people.
16:46It could. If you have difficulties with reading the printed word,
16:49then a place like this must fill you with absolute terror.
16:52Reading is a bit unique in the sense that it's a learned skill.
16:56Unlike language ability or other sorts of human capacities,
16:59reading doesn't emerge naturally.
17:02It needs to be taught in educational systems.
17:05And this is because, as a species, we haven't been reading very long.
17:08What, 5, 6, 7,000 years?
17:11Our species, as we know it, has been around for 160,000.
17:14So we've only just been applying our brain to this challenge, haven't we?
17:20Yes. And as such, the brain has to use different component systems
17:26which aren't specific to the reading process.
17:28The visual symbol recognition of the letters,
17:31the speech sound recognition of the language,
17:35but also the conceptual processing, which is the meaning of words.
17:38And one of the interesting areas of current research is looking at neuroimaging.
17:43And what is interesting is the dyslexic brain uses the same brain areas
17:50as do typical readers,
17:53but there's lesser coordination and lesser connectivity between these areas.
17:57And that's why it's so difficult to accomplish this task
17:59where someone can look at a word and be able to understand what it means.
18:06These differences in coordination between areas of the brain
18:10could also explain many of the other challenges dyslexic people experience.
18:15Individuals with dyslexia may have difficulties
18:19in other sorts of working memory tasks,
18:22reading maps or understanding directions, following instructions,
18:28remembering words to a song,
18:31but also the ability to sustain attention to a task.
18:35Those ramifications that may manifest themselves
18:38with literacy difficulties in a child,
18:41by the time you've got to an adult,
18:43spread out to an enormous part of people's lives.
18:46It does. And we know that not being able to read
18:50can serve as a powerful mechanism for social exclusion.
18:55Around 60% of children who have dyslexic difficulties
19:00don't have them picked up in primary school.
19:04The knock-on effect of this, of course, is frustration,
19:07school dropouts and longer-term social consequences.
19:11According to recent reports,
19:13about 30% of people in the prison population have dyslexia.
19:17And of course, we don't know whether that's a cause or a consequence
19:20of the lack of exposure to reading,
19:22but it's clear that there is a high incidence of dyslexia
19:27and other sorts of learning difficulties in the prison population.
19:35Despite being one of the commonest types of neurodivergence,
19:39I worry that dyslexia is often overlooked and misunderstood.
19:45I hope that by helping Lee and Suki communicate their experiences,
19:50I can show how profoundly being dyslexic can shape someone's life.
19:56Well, that's not bad.
20:06Back in Wales, Lee has invited me to see his band rehearse.
20:15As he can't remember the words...
20:18..the lyrics are on the tablet.
20:25Lee is a pillar of the local community.
20:28Chairman of the Emergency First Responders,
20:31trustee of the Miners' Club.
20:33He's always ready to lend a hand.
20:38Not least for his daughters, Leah and Elise.
20:43Your dad, what's he like?
20:45What's he like? Be honest.
20:48He's a good guy. He's a family man. Yeah.
20:51He's well-known in his community.
20:53He's very popular, isn't he?
20:55And when he was diagnosed as dyslexic a few years ago,
20:59did that come as a surprise?
21:01It did and it didn't. Yeah. It was a bit of a mix,
21:04cos, like, when we were growing up,
21:06he couldn't help us with our homework
21:08because he didn't have that mind to do the homework.
21:12He doesn't really write much, so he's mostly, like,
21:15when he sends us a text message,
21:17usually, like, recorded instead of, like, actually typing it.
21:20And then if he did try and type it, we dafted up, like, I guess.
21:24Do you remember a time when you were children and you thought,
21:27my dad can't spell and he doesn't read many books?
21:30I don't really think I've ever thought of him as being, like,
21:33daft or anything.
21:35He's probably joked about it more than we have.
21:38He does joke about it.
21:40He'll say, like, I'm daft and whatever.
21:42He'd be like, oh, I'm a dull builder or something like that.
21:45When, actually, it's not true. He's null. At all.
21:48He's just smart in other aspects.
21:51Where's my roadies?
21:53Sorry. Here we are. We've been yapping. We've been yapping.
21:59I fear that Lee might be using his good humour as a defence mechanism
22:04and that phrases like dull builder are hiding a deeper tension.
22:10Is there an underlying anxiety that people still think,
22:13no matter how much you give, how capable you are,
22:17how intelligent you are,
22:19that people still label you as a dull builder?
22:24I've probably grown up with a label on myself.
22:28My Uncle Brian, definitely.
22:31Dyslexia.
22:33He couldn't read, couldn't write.
22:37But the things he could do would wire the miners' club,
22:41put disco lights up, would do everything.
22:46I'm a mirrored image of my uncle.
22:53And he never had to help either.
23:01He died of cancer.
23:06Did he coin the phrase dull builder?
23:11He told me not to be a dull builder.
23:15And I think that's where the stigma comes from.
23:18He had a massive, massive influence on me.
23:26So much of Lee's life seems to have been driven by the fear
23:30of being seen, in his uncle's words, as dull.
23:34I hope the film we make together
23:36will allow him to share this struggle with his whole community
23:40and prove, once and for all,
23:43that he isn't just a builder.
23:55Suki has already given me an idea
23:57about how being dyslexic affects her.
24:00But today, I'm meeting the people she really wants to reach out to.
24:05Her younger brothers, Antoine and Jacob,
24:08and her older brother, Roy.
24:11Do you reckon he can survive out here for a week?
24:13Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've watched decent amount of Bear Grylls.
24:16Nice to meet you.
24:18Hi, guys. Hi, how you doing?
24:20Hi, little miss.
24:22I'm joining them on a family outing.
24:25You ready to go up there? Yeah.
24:27I don't know if I'm as ready as you are.
24:30I can tell straight away
24:32how much love Suki and her brothers have for each other.
24:35Let's get it. Come on, Suki.
24:38Got a good cadence going on. Yeah.
24:41Balance of a cat.
24:43And how highly they all think of her.
24:48If you could each pick one word to discard Suki, what would it be?
24:52Trustworthy.
24:54Trustworthy.
24:56Trustworthy.
24:58Tenacious, I think.
25:00Jacob took my word.
25:02I would say strong,
25:04cos I think she's strong in so many different ways.
25:07Trustworthy, tenacious and strong. Yeah.
25:09I'd have that on a T-shirt.
25:13But close as this family are,
25:15they may not be fully aware of how being dyslexic affects Suki.
25:20It feels like as much time as I spend with them,
25:24there's sort of not enough time to talk about dyslexia with them
25:27and how it affects me.
25:29They see me as the strong one.
25:32But I think what's difficult is always having that sort of mentality
25:36of you've got this and you can do it.
25:40Whoa!
25:42Go on, sis.
25:43Are there any things in her childhood
25:45that you now recognise as part of that condition?
25:48For me, no, honestly.
25:50It was a surprise when I found out,
25:53even to this day, I still don't see it.
25:55I still don't understand it.
25:58I was... I think you can almost be sceptical, even,
26:02because not that she's lying,
26:04but, I mean, again, I've known Suki my whole life
26:07and I haven't witnessed those struggles,
26:11so it was a proper revelation, like, wow.
26:15Suki, look where you're going!
26:17There's another reason why Suki might have been holding back,
26:20which could be traced to the tragedy they faced when Suki was a child.
26:25When I was 19 and when she was nine, our mum passed away.
26:31And I've seen her overcome the emotional difficulties
26:35that comes with that and the tenacity that she's displayed in that.
26:40We've had to put a brave face on things from a young age,
26:45so maybe because of that
26:48and because she's kind of can-do, I'll figure out a way to do it.
26:53There were no real cries for help.
27:00Mission impossible.
27:04You'd lost your mother when you were nine.
27:07Do you think that toughness that you needed to summon at that point
27:11meant that you gloss over some of those difficulties,
27:15because there were much, much bigger difficulties at times?
27:18Yeah, you're putting a brave face on about the hardest thing
27:22that I've probably ever had to face in my life.
27:26And it meant that when it comes to other conversations
27:29about the fact that I'm really struggling with my directions
27:33or what have you, we're not going to talk about it as much.
27:37But I want them, especially Roy, I want him to see
27:41that sometimes it's not so straightforward.
27:45It's not just about keeping my chin up.
27:48There's some things that will be long-lasting that I find challenging.
27:54I want him to see how much some things are difficult for me,
27:59a struggle for me, that it feels messy and complicated.
28:05Go, jump, jump, jump. Walking in the air, walking in the air.
28:08Yeah, yeah, that's it.
28:09It's clear Suki needs a new way to communicate,
28:12how being dyslexic affects her.
28:19Hopefully, the film we make together will start a conversation
28:24she's been waiting to have for years.
28:27Roy, did you smash it? Far from, Feathermore, far from.
28:31When Lee and Suki were growing up, dyslexic but undiagnosed,
28:36they often felt they had few career options open to them.
28:42But today, many organisations are starting to think differently
28:46about dyslexia.
28:48Among them, the UK Intelligent Services and GPS.
28:54They're actively recruiting dyslexic people,
28:57who they say have the skills required to be 21st-century spies.
29:04Very excited about this. Childishly excited about this.
29:08And, of course, normally, if you're a dyslexic,
29:11you're not going to be able to do this.
29:13So, I'm going to be a dyslexic.
29:15I'm going to be a dyslexic.
29:17I'm going to be a dyslexic.
29:19I'm going to be a dyslexic.
29:21Very excited about this.
29:22And, of course, normally, cameras are not allowed in at all.
29:25No recording devices.
29:27So, this is a very special occasion.
29:32Showing me around, Director of Legal Affairs, Shahzad Charania.
29:36Hello, Shahzad. Hi. How are you? Welcome to GCHQ.
29:39Thank you. Thank you very much.
29:41One of the few employees who's permitted to appear on camera.
29:44Shall we have a look around? Thank you. Great.
29:52What's GCHQ all about? What does it do?
29:55GCHQ is the UK's secret intelligence, cyber and security agency.
30:00We intercept and monitor communications.
30:03We analyse the data that we receive
30:06and we use that to keep the country safe.
30:13To give me a better understanding of the work they do here,
30:17Shahzad has set me an analysis challenge.
30:21Nathaniel Edwards has recently been holding meetings with Gregorio G.
30:26Work out where the next meet will be.
30:30It's the kind of puzzle one of their analysts might be expected to crack.
30:35So, I've got a list of phone numbers
30:38and then we've got some coded emails.
30:40And the thing is, I haven't got my phone.
30:42They're not allowed in here, so I can't even phone a friend.
30:45Well, I don't have any friends, but, you know...
30:48It's thought that dyslexic brains are well-placed to tackle tasks like these.
30:53Greg Griffin, so that could be Gregorio.
30:56A study by the charity Made By Dyslexia
30:59found that 84% of dyslexic people scored above average
31:04in skills like pattern recognition and big picture thinking.
31:08What is it about a dyslexic person
31:11that means that they can succeed at GCHQ?
31:14Well, a dyslexic person might be able to spot an anomaly
31:18in a huge data set that a neurotypical person might not be able to,
31:22that enables them to see a threat.
31:25The key here is the mix of minds that we have.
31:30Everything we do is about working in a team
31:33to solve the most complex problems.
31:35So, we need both neurodiverse people
31:38and neurotypical people to work together.
31:4130 minutes into my test.
31:4316th.
31:44And I have to admit, I'm struggling.
31:47Is that a Monday? I don't know.
31:52Hello. Hello. How have you found this?
31:54Challenging.
31:56Shahzad sends dyslexic analyst Charlotte to check in.
32:00We've been asked to keep her identity a secret.
32:04I have a profoundly detailed memory for photographs,
32:09paintings and those sorts of things.
32:11I look at that and I don't initially see patterns, but do you?
32:15Yeah. Yeah.
32:17I take the last four digits of a phone number. Right.
32:20For me, that's the pattern.
32:22So, when I scan through, I know what I'm looking for
32:24and they just jump out.
32:25And I don't know how to explain how they jump out,
32:27but it's just something in my brain that just will spot them
32:30pretty much instantly. Right.
32:32How long would it have taken you to have solved that?
32:35I think the first time I did it, it was about 15 minutes.
32:42GCHQ's neurodiversity drive seems to be paying off.
32:47Their latest intake of apprentices are four times more likely
32:51to be dyslexic than the general population.
32:55What's reassuring when you come here
32:57is that there's a very proactive drive
33:00to provide a safe, secure, productive workplace
33:05for neurodiverse people.
33:08And it's moving to think that a young dyslexic person
33:12leaving school today might be given many more pathways to explore.
33:22Back in Wales, Lee is in fine voice.
33:26I want him to realise his dreams of performing on stage,
33:30so his film will be a musical.
33:36Your age is massive.
33:38And I've asked West End composers Kit Buchan and Jim Barne to write it.
33:48From our perspective, what we'd like to achieve, I suppose,
33:53is to get a sense of where you've come from
33:56in your relationship with your dyslexia.
33:59Yeah. I've fought all my life, really, when I think about it.
34:03People used to pick things up like that, and I had to work at it.
34:08Musically, it would be really cool, I think,
34:10if you don't mind, to put you in that place of discomfort
34:13and see you conquering. Yeah.
34:15Give the listeners and the audience an opportunity to see you
34:18as a hero in your story, which you are.
34:20Yeah. It's going to be a challenge.
34:22Don't look for that challenge.
34:27Meanwhile, I'm sending Suki to the London Aquarium
34:30to meet designer and animator Chas Golding.
34:33Hey. Hello. You all right? Yeah. Come on in.
34:36When I first met Suki,
34:38she described her thoughts as being like slippery fish.
34:42Look at that turtle.
34:44Ah, yes. Wrinkly neck.
34:47I'm hoping the aquatic inhabitants will provide inspiration
34:51for how to visualise her world.
34:54So I've just pulled together a few clips to experiment
34:57with the idea of what these thoughts might look like.
35:02The idea of this shoal of fish,
35:05if you were trying to reach out and touch these things,
35:08then they would escape you. Yeah.
35:10But it's the mass of them, isn't it? Yeah.
35:12It's like the sense that they're overwhelming.
35:15But then also, looking at the jellyfish,
35:18it's all these tiny, potentially, thoughts working together.
35:22I'm thinking that it feels like that in my brain.
35:25It's so beautiful, but to grasp it
35:27and to try to communicate to someone else,
35:30it can be so difficult. Yeah.
35:35I was just looking at the fish that just went past
35:38and I was thinking, oh, that reminds me of my distractions.
35:46At home...
35:49..I've received a demo of Lee's song from Kit and Jim.
35:56And I'm keen to find out from Megan if it chimes with her.
36:10I find that really sad, actually. Yeah, it is.
36:14It captures a lot of the dyslexic experience, I think.
36:18I remember before it was picked up that I was dyslexic,
36:22I overheard the teacher refer to the table I was sat on
36:25as the stupid table.
36:27And it's those kind of words
36:29which probably have the biggest long-lasting impact.
36:33Mm.
36:34Can't help feeling they don't understand what it feels like
36:37to have so much to say if there weren't a war of words in my way.
36:42It's really well written, because it is a war in your mind.
36:46You are constantly battling with your own self-confidence
36:50and your own self-worth in what you can do.
36:58Just a builder...
37:02In the studio, Lee's getting ready to lay down
37:05this emotional mini-musical.
37:07And I know I shouldn't complain...
37:10I hope this will put to rest any fears that he's just a builder.
37:18He's certainly got the best backing band in the business.
37:21His friends, Kel, Oz and Scott.
37:27And his choir.
37:31The Gentleman Songsters.
37:33Brilliant. Thank you so much.
37:35Let's have a go.
37:37All that's left is Lee's part.
37:40Recording.
37:42Like they don't understand what it feels like
37:46to have so much to say
37:48if there weren't a war of words in my way
37:52but it might sound hard to believe...
37:54I'm getting a few words muddled up on this.
37:56That's all right, that's not a problem at all.
37:58But it soon becomes a problem.
38:00That's all right, that's not a problem at all.
38:02What we can do is...
38:04But it soon becomes apparent that Lee's difficulty reading
38:07might be slowing things down.
38:09To me, that just reads, if there, there, there, a war of words.
38:13There's a war of words for there.
38:15So that word there says where and that's what I'm reading
38:19and it doesn't make any sense.
38:21So if I write weren't, in a way, they know what to say.
38:25So we'll just try and go for another one if that's all right.
38:28If there weren't a war of words in my way
38:31and it might sound hard to believe...
38:33Yeah, I mean, that's perfect.
38:35Now we're just going to the last bit.
38:37OK.
38:39If I was anyone but me...
38:47That was so beautiful.
38:49Yeah, I just got a bit emotional.
38:53It's a really personal song, like...
38:56It's...
38:58These are happy tears.
39:00All right, stand by.
39:02Stand by.
39:04Next, the team heads to Lee's old school to shoot the video.
39:10In the valleys...
39:14Don't worry, Lee, we'll go again.
39:17A few discreetly placed cue cards helping Lee through.
39:22Maybe I was meant to be so much more
39:26Somewhere there's a sun...
39:28Great! That was fantastic!
39:35Oh, is this how movie stars feel, then,
39:37when they get their hair and make-up done?
39:40In Suki's film, she hopes to explain to her brothers,
39:43and in particular her older brother Roy,
39:46the difficulty she faces collecting, ordering
39:49and articulating her thoughts.
39:52It's just a slow walk, kind of looking up at the trees.
39:56We'll see her exploring a magical forest,
39:59representing her mind.
40:02And Chas has some exciting ideas for how to visualise those thoughts.
40:07I started looking into seed pods and flower heads
40:11and how they could move with fluidity like sea creatures.
40:14Yeah, like the jellyfish.
40:16Yeah, exactly. Sometimes they've come alive.
40:18Yeah, I like that.
40:20And if there was a whole sea of them, you'd be walking through
40:23and they'll be kind of parting out of your way.
40:26And then what that could look like in a shot like the forest.
40:30So amazing. Yeah, I like how they're part of it.
40:34Like the purple of the sprouts, it's sort of coming through in the light.
40:38It leads into the light. It looks beautiful.
40:45A few weeks later, Suki's film is ready to show to her brothers.
40:51And at this South London Arts Centre,
40:54the team are busy making the final preparations.
41:01How are you feeling? It's the big day.
41:03Everyone's about to see the film.
41:05I'm feeling really nervous.
41:08I'm really nervous.
41:11I'm feeling really nervous.
41:14Here I am putting that out there for them to see,
41:18so I guess I'm nervous about their reaction.
41:22I'm sure it's going to be fine.
41:24They love you, they doubt upon you.
41:26Yeah, but because they love me, they're very honest with me as well,
41:30so I guess we'll see what they really think.
41:36As Suki waits patiently next door...
41:39Hello. Hi, Chris. How are you? Nice to see you.
41:42I welcome back Jacob, Antoine and Roy.
41:45I'm not sure if it's men in black or reservoir dogs, but you look good.
41:51Suki's big day. What are you expecting?
41:54To be honest, I don't really know what to expect.
41:57She hasn't really told us about what she's been doing and filming.
42:00No idea what we're going to see on the screen.
42:02Excited to see it.
42:04She has kept it all secret, has she?
42:06She has. She's very good at that.
42:08She's very good at doing that.
42:10Shall we roll the movie? Sounds good.
42:28Roy...
42:29Roy...
42:34You've always been more than a brother to me.
42:37But when you look at me,
42:39I'm worried you only see the things I've achieved.
42:44Not how much I've struggled along the way.
42:51How much I still struggle.
42:59How much I still struggle.
43:21For me, being dyslexic can turn simple tasks into real challenges.
43:27My thoughts are like fish in a pond.
43:33One moment they're there, then suddenly they're gone,
43:37slipping out of reach.
43:40If someone asks me a question, even an easy one,
43:43like where we're supposed to be meeting,
43:45the answer could be on the tip of my tongue.
43:48But catching that thought and saying it out aloud
43:51is harder than you could know.
43:57Even simple conversations can leave me exhausted.
44:11Often, by the time I've ordered my thoughts,
44:14I've forgotten what I was thinking in the first place.
44:18In every moment, in every conversation,
44:22I feel like dyslexia is there.
44:24I feel like dyslexia is there, waiting to catch me out.
44:33I'm scared of what people must think of me.
44:37That flaky friend, always forgetting things,
44:40letting everyone down.
44:43I'm scared of what you might think of me.
44:48But I also know that being dyslexic makes me the person I am.
44:54It makes me creative, able to spot patterns and make connections.
44:59Helps me to solve problems others can't.
45:05I need you to know that dyslexia will always be a part of me.
45:10It's not something we need to fix, but something we need to embrace.
45:17There'll be times when I'll need your help,
45:20times when I'll need you to be patient,
45:23but more than anything, I need you to accept me just the way I am.
45:33Oh, that's sensational.
45:36Wow.
45:37Suki knows how to pull on her heartstrings a little bit.
45:39Yeah, it was a borderline tearjerker. I had to breathe it out.
45:44OK, I think it's time for me to go and get Suki.
45:48Bring her in.
45:54Hello.
45:55Hi.
45:56How are you doing? You all right?
45:57Yeah, you all right?
46:01Personally, I thought it was a really good film.
46:05It came across really well.
46:06Her hair was dead, so he was on point.
46:10But just to let you know that whatever happens in life,
46:17I'll never be disappointed in you.
46:21I am sensationally proud of who you are.
46:24Never, ever worry about how I perceive you, ever.
46:29We want to know, like, your struggle is part of you, innit?
46:32And we're the last people that will judge you on any struggles.
46:38Like, we've been through literally hell and back.
46:41We've been through hell and back.
46:43I feel privileged to be able to kind of go inside your mind
46:46and see what it's like in your shoes.
46:52Honestly, I was so nervous in showing you.
46:55I was honestly so nervous,
46:57because there's just some things that are just difficult for me.
47:02But I think now what might change is that
47:05it will be easier for me to say,
47:07I think I've passed that on,
47:09where we save our vulnerabilities, our sadness,
47:14for places where we can't be seen.
47:18And maybe that might not be the best way to deal with things now.
47:23So, we'll work with you.
47:27Honestly, I'm really grateful that I've been able to work with you.
47:30I've been able to work with you.
47:32So, we'll work with you.
47:35Honestly, I'm really grateful that I've got all of you as my brothers
47:40and that you support me so much.
47:43I think we have to seal it off with a group hug.
47:45Yeah, I think so.
47:46Let's do the group hug.
47:57Thanks, guys.
48:03Asking a family who's been through a very serious trauma
48:07and had to develop instantaneously coping mechanisms
48:11to transform those in the space of just over three minutes
48:15is a big ask.
48:18But quite clearly, there is all of the love and support
48:22that she needs there to make that happen.
48:33Tonight, in Tonnerre Vale, it's the world premiere of Lee's musical.
48:40This is Lee's chance to show everyone in his community
48:44exactly what he's struggled with over the years
48:47and exactly what he's capable of now.
48:51But maybe there's someone else who needs to hear this message.
48:56You see, I think that what Lee has done is made a film for himself.
49:00I think that he's thrown an enormous amount of emotional effort into this.
49:05And he hasn't seen the film, and that when he does,
49:09he's going to see himself in a whole new light.
49:17Hi, Chris.
49:18Hello.
49:19How are you?
49:20I'm OK.
49:21So, big night.
49:23Yeah, it's exciting times.
49:25It's been an interesting journey,
49:28trying to do certain things for this project
49:31that's been exhausting, challenging, to be honest.
49:35But you wanted to.
49:36Yeah, yeah.
49:38I needed to.
49:39I'm not a person to give up, so I can't wait to see it all put together.
49:43I've seen it.
49:44You've seen it?
49:45Yeah.
49:46Well, I can't give anything away at this stage, can I?
49:49But it's one hell of a performance, I can tell you that much.
49:53I can't wait.
49:55I can't wait.
49:56I think I'm going to be quite emotional, actually.
49:59Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd like to make your way in, please.
50:04You up there.
50:05OK, ma'am.
50:07It feels like half the village has turned out for the occasion.
50:12How you doing?
50:13Lee's wife, Hayley, and his daughters are all here,
50:16along with his parents, John and Athelia,
50:19his brothers, Mark and Scott, and even his grandson, Ollie.
50:23The BBC spares no expense.
50:27So this is sweet and salty.
50:29Lee's got salty and sweet.
50:31Oh, sweet and sweet, OK.
50:33There you go.
50:34Over the last couple of months, we've been working with Lee
50:37and a couple of leading West End composers
50:40to put together a song
50:42which explains part of Lee's lived experience with dyslexia.
50:47We really hope that you enjoy it.
50:49Let's roll the movie.
50:54MUSIC PLAYS
51:05Nice to meet you
51:07I'm a builder named Lee
51:09Nothing special
51:11Nothing smart about me
51:13Just a builder
51:15Just a fella next door
51:17I've never been the sharpest tool in the drawer
51:20Oh, in the valleys
51:22If you struggled in school
51:24In the 80s
51:26They just called you a fool
51:28Can't spell Shakespeare
51:30Well, it sucks to be you
51:32Be a builder, that's the best you can do
51:35And I know I shouldn't complain
51:38I got a life for your daughter
51:40I gave them everything for
51:42But the question burns in my brain
51:46Maybe I was meant to be so much more
51:49Somewhere there's a song
51:52Never to be heard
51:56Oh, I can feel frustration
51:59Stirring each and every word
52:03Maybe I could sing it
52:07Set those demons free
52:11If I was anyone but me
52:16Guys, anybody seen my iPad?
52:24OK, thank you.
52:27I'm a grafter
52:29I work hard for my town
52:31But dyslexia keeps dragging me down
52:35Missed appointments
52:36Health and safety reports
52:39Broken alphabets invading my thoughts
52:42And my family
52:44And my friends in the band
52:46Can't help feeling
52:47Like they don't understand
52:49What it feels like
52:51To have so much to say
52:54If there were no more words in my way
52:56And it might sound hard to believe
53:00But it could feel like a seed
53:02That's rising up around me
53:04I just need a moment to breathe
53:08I take a deep breath and then count to three
53:141, 2, 3
53:19Somewhere there's a song
53:23Longing to be heard
53:27And if I have to fight a war
53:32With each and every word
53:36Maybe I can sing it
53:41Make my loved ones see
53:46If I was anyone but me
53:50That's the high song
53:52Just the one and the two
53:54That's the fixer
53:56Always knows what to do
53:58First responder
54:00He's the man that you call
54:02Volunteering
54:05Always there for a song
54:07Just a builder
54:09But I've learned my own song
54:11What you carry
54:13The hands are making you strong
54:15Intellectual
54:17It's the tool of my trade
54:20Just a builder
54:22But just look what I've made
54:26If I was
54:30Anyone but me
54:34If I was
54:38Anyone but
54:40I could not have sung it
54:44It sets the spirit free
54:49If I was anyone but me
54:55Anyone but me
54:57If I was
54:59Anyone but me
55:07applause & cheers
55:26That's blown me away that I've actually...
55:29Okay.
55:31It's wow, isn't it?
55:33Do you think?
55:35I think it's outstanding.
55:37Kit and Jim have done an amazing job with the words.
55:41I think they've captured me.
55:43They've captured everything.
55:45But do the words tell the truth now?
55:47Because when we first met,
55:49the second half of that song
55:51was not what you were singing to me.
55:53You turned everything around and said,
55:55frankly, only I could sing this song.
55:58I've realised who I am.
56:00I might not be academically
56:03as qualified as some people,
56:06but I think I would say the box.
56:09Can I put some words in your mouth?
56:12Can you say,
56:14I'm a builder called Lee and I'm in love with me
56:17and don't put the just word in?
56:19Well, I am a builder called Lee.
56:21And I'm finally in love with me.
56:23Well, I am in love with me.
56:25It's a job done then, isn't it?
56:27I think so.
56:31Okay?
56:33Brilliant.
56:35I'm very, very, very proud of him.
56:37Very proud of him.
56:41It's good, Lee.
56:43It's a bit of a catchy tune, no?
56:45Yeah, yeah, it is really good.
56:47It does what it's supposed to do.
56:49He's a professional.
56:51It's very moving.
56:53The song sums up his thoughts and his feelings
56:56and his life brilliantly.
56:58It's your dad, that is.
57:00What do you think?
57:02It's really good.
57:04I think he's in his element.
57:06Thank you, boys.
57:08Pleasure.
57:13That was quite an evening.
57:15Emotionally charged, of course.
57:17And I think when they got over how great the song was,
57:20how great a singer he is,
57:22the production values,
57:24the message, the words, the story
57:26started to sink in.
57:28The evening might be over,
57:30but it's going to be a new day for Lee tomorrow.
57:34Because I think that he's no longer just a builder.
57:38Because he's a builder.
57:40Just a builder.
57:42Because no-one could have sung that song but Lee.
57:48Every neurodivergent person I've met in this series
57:52has blown me away with their honesty and creativity.
57:57My hope is they'll inspire many more people
58:01to share how they're feeling inside.
58:04Because I truly believe
58:06that the more we understand each other,
58:09the better all our lives will become.
58:15To find out more about dyslexia and the assessment process,
58:19visit bbc.co.uk forward slash insideourminds
58:24and follow the links to The Open University.
58:40The Open University
58:43The Open University is a proud sponsor of The Open University.
58:46The Open University is a proud sponsor of The Open University.
58:48The Open University is a proud sponsor of The Open University.
58:50The Open University is a proud sponsor of The Open University.
58:52The Open University is a proud sponsor of The Open University.
58:54The Open University is a proud sponsor of The Open University.