Celeb 1-800 Numbers: Wild Retro Ad Secrets Revealed

joe petty

Dial into the wild world of celebrity 1-800 numbers! From Shaquille O’Neal’s slam-dunk 1-800-COLLECT ads to George Foreman’s knockout Meineke muffler spots and Jenny McCarthy’s 1-800-CALL-ATT, we uncover the retro toll-free numbers that ruled 80s and 90s TV. These catchy vanity numbers, like 1-800-FLOWERS and 1-800-MATTRES, were marketing gold. Why did stars love them? Which ad was the cheesiest? Share your favorite 1-800 memory below! #Celeb1800 #TollFreeNumbers #RetroAds #80sNostalgia #90sNostalgia #ShaquilleONeal #GeorgeForeman #JennyMcCarthy #1800Collect #Meineke #1800Flowers #1800Mattres #VintageCommercials #PopCulture #Throwback #80s #90s #VanityNumbers #CelebrityAds #Viral #Humor #Nostalgic #ClassicAds #TVMemories #MarketingMagic #80sVibes #90sKids

Transcript

00:00:00In a world where the it-thing is always changing, sometimes you need a tour guide or two to help you find your way to Pop Culture's Paradise.

00:00:07If you find yourself reminiscing or in need of a good recommendation, these two have you covered.

00:00:12And now, here's your hosts, Joey and Jeff!

00:00:21Welcome to Pop Culture Paradise, my name is Jeff, his name is Joe, and today we're talking about 1-800 hotlines.

00:00:28But Joe, why are we talking about this today?

00:00:30I always think everything evolved from something else.

00:00:34So, you know how everyone's on Twitter these days, and that's how you get all your information.

00:00:41You have, you know, you can follow your favorite band, you can follow a novelty account that just does one specific thing.

00:00:47And that all had to come from somewhere, and I think that's the old 1-800 numbers.

00:00:53Yeah, I mean, now it's all literally in your phone, you know, just a one tap away.

00:00:59But back in the day, if you wanted to get the dirt, if you wanted to get the inside scoop,

00:01:03you had to call these 1-800 numbers, and a lot of them weren't cheap, right?

00:01:08No, and unfortunately, I can't say I ever called, because, you know, they're gonna show up right on the phone bill,

00:01:16and they're gonna be like, alright, why did you just spend $6 on the phone line to call something called the Joke Hotline?

00:01:24Like, I just remember that episode of Full House, where Michelle got addicted to calling for Rigby jokes,

00:01:29and then they're like, how much did you spend?

00:01:32It costs money?

00:01:35Yeah, right.

00:01:36Or it's like, mom, Mean Gene has all the inside scoops, I gotta call and find out what's happening with the Hulkster.

00:01:42Well, funny enough, I had a friend back in the day, and he was actually kind of affiliated with the WCW Hotline,

00:01:50and it wouldn't be calling Mean Gene, it was to call Lee Goldberg.

00:01:54Ah, I remember him.

00:01:56Lee Marshall.

00:01:58Yeah, Lee Goldberg's our local sports guy.

00:02:01But Lee Marshall, and so he's like, yeah, my family knows Lee Marshall,

00:02:06so he called a few different times to have us talk to Lee Marshall.

00:02:11You know, in 1997, that's a huge deal,

00:02:14because it feels like, oh my god, I'm one step away from talking to somebody who's legit.

00:02:19Oh, it was.

00:02:20And one of the things that I liked about all those Lee Marshall commercials

00:02:23was he would always be at a payphone somewhere,

00:02:26just calling in to Monday Night Nitro with like,

00:02:31you're not going to believe the scoop that I have for you,

00:02:34but you're only going to hear it if you dial 1-800-WCW-2024, or whatever it was.

00:02:39They all made it seem like this major emergency,

00:02:41or like, they had the goods that they weren't supposed to have.

00:02:44Like, they had to go to the payphone at the sketchy part of town,

00:02:47because the information is too good, okay?

00:02:50It's hot info, man.

00:02:52This stuff I just learned about New Kids on the Block,

00:02:54authorized by the official New Kids on the Block Hotline,

00:02:56they don't want you to know about.

00:02:58Huh? What? I don't get it. How does that work?

00:03:01It's like, I could get into a lot of crap for, you know, spilling the beans on this.

00:03:05That's why you have to pay $1.99 a minute.

00:03:09Parents' permission before calling.

00:03:11So, yeah, nowadays, if I wanted to follow my favorite artist,

00:03:15I'll just go on Twitter.

00:03:17The examples I'm going to give you here today?

00:03:19No, this is how you get that important information.

00:03:22This is how you know where they're going to be next week.

00:03:24This is how you figure out what Jordan Knight thinks about current day events.

00:03:29So today, we're going to find out how many of these phone lines

00:03:34are actually worth the price.

00:03:36Would you pay, I don't know, that $2 a minute

00:03:38to find out what these people had to say?

00:03:40Uh, I don't know, but they're going to pitch us,

00:03:44and we're going to decide here today on Pop Culture Paradise

00:03:46if we would, you know, fork over the change

00:03:48to get this information.

00:03:50I'm pretty excited to see what you have for us.

00:03:52Well, we're going to start this off with a bang.

00:03:54And you may remember this guy from, well,

00:03:58this episode called Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Shell.

00:04:02Well, he's back, and he's got a phone line.

00:04:05Of course he does.

00:04:07Hey Hulkamaniacs, you proved to the Hulkster

00:04:09that you're a true Hulkamaniac

00:04:11by renting my new movie, Suburban Commander.

00:04:13One of the greatest movies the Hulkster's ever appeared in.

00:04:16Now I'm going to tell you about another big hit.

00:04:18The Hulk Hogan WWF Wrestling Challenge Game.

00:04:21By dialing 1-900-454-HULK,

00:04:24you can hear my daily power pack messages

00:04:26giving you the latest scoops on the WWF.

00:04:29Plus, you can play my Hulk Hogan WWF Wrestling Challenge Game.

00:04:32You have to give it to him, though.

00:04:34He's only shown three things so far.

00:04:36I was going to say, he is bundling.

00:04:38He is making it worth the value.

00:04:40Like Ric Flair, and The Undertaker, and others.

00:04:42You can win and be eligible for a drawing

00:04:44for a great prize, including a grand prize.

00:04:46You're telling me there's more Hulk?

00:04:48But wait, there's more.

00:04:50I get to meet him?

00:04:52Calls will only be received by Hulk Hogan.

00:04:54Hulk Hogan Wild Lines.

00:04:56Wild Lines available.

00:04:59You have to get your mom or your dad's permission

00:05:01before calling.

00:05:03What are you going to do when Suburban Commando

00:05:05and then Hulk Hogan WWF Wrestling Challenge Game

00:05:07run wild on you?

00:05:09I don't know what I'm going to do,

00:05:11but let me just say,

00:05:13there's no better pitch man than Hulk Hogan.

00:05:15We learned that last week, right?

00:05:17On the show.

00:05:19With a clear, decisive victory over Flair.

00:05:21Yeah, we learned it.

00:05:23Big time.

00:05:25So for him to say, not only are you getting this brother,

00:05:27and you're getting that dude,

00:05:29plus you'll probably maybe

00:05:31kind of start to even talk to me.

00:05:33I'd pay the money.

00:05:35Well, the phone line's available though.

00:05:39You know what? I think I probably

00:05:41would have paid it at least once.

00:05:43Because maybe you'll get to meet

00:05:45Hulk Hogan, and

00:05:47back then, without the

00:05:49internet around, these games,

00:05:51these video games, were way more cryptic.

00:05:53So you'd have to call in and figure out

00:05:55what's going on, or buy an expensive

00:05:57$10 booklet that has all the information.

00:05:59Being a kid, it's

00:06:01not like I have the cash to fork over

00:06:03to call him. It'd be more one of those

00:06:05things. Press 9 if you accept

00:06:07the charges. Sure, and then

00:06:09it shows up on your phone bill, and then

00:06:11Mama Mania runs wild on you.

00:06:13Who the? What? Why the hell

00:06:15are you calling Hulk Hogan?

00:06:17Mom, it's just $2 and I can

00:06:19talk to the Hulkster. Geoffrey, get back

00:06:21here, I'm going to hit you with the broom.

00:06:23And then you're like,

00:06:25Hogan, where were you? You could have had my back.

00:06:27Brother, I've got to speak to kids

00:06:29all over the country.

00:06:31Joe, give me an example of the

00:06:33novelty 1-800, 1-900

00:06:35numbers. From what I

00:06:37remember and researched is

00:06:39a lot of these lines didn't have

00:06:41celebrity endorsements. What they had

00:06:43were scary stories,

00:06:45funny stories, sad

00:06:47stories. Almost like

00:06:49you just called this because, I

00:06:52don't know, something to do.

00:06:54And in Halloween season, oh my

00:06:56God, I think there's like five or six

00:06:58of them here today. So it's almost

00:07:00like you would call this number and somebody

00:07:02would read something to you that they already

00:07:04have published. So it's like

00:07:06you'd post this on YouTube nowadays

00:07:08if you had a scary story, but back

00:07:10then, eh, you got to hear

00:07:12it over the phone. Right.

00:07:14Dude, I don't know

00:07:16about this one. I'm skeptical of the

00:07:18joke.

00:07:201-900-490.

00:07:22And they're

00:07:24not walking the night.

00:07:26They're in the phone

00:07:28line and they've got your number!

00:07:301-800-490.

00:07:321-900-490.

00:07:341-800-490.

00:07:36It's like the callers get to talk to me

00:07:38live in the flesh.

00:07:40When you reach me, you'll wish you never called.

00:07:42Only $2 a call.

00:07:44Alright, so you're not really selling me on the fact

00:07:46that I want to talk to you.

00:07:48When you call me, you'll wish

00:07:50you hadn't.

00:07:52I think with that line right there, plus I don't

00:07:54really even understand what they're advertising.

00:07:56You tell me it's some sort of scary story.

00:07:58Some sort of campfire

00:08:00sitting around story, but

00:08:02dude, I guess you just get to

00:08:04talk to this guy. Is he gonna be in

00:08:06full makeup and garb when you talk to him?

00:08:08Or is he just gonna be kicking back

00:08:10in the call center? He's got an 8-hour work

00:08:12day in the call center in full gear

00:08:14and he's not happy

00:08:17that I make up is

00:08:19irritating him all day long. So he's actually

00:08:21probably actually that pissed off

00:08:23when you call him by the

00:08:256-hour in.

00:08:27Yeah, dude. I don't know about him.

00:08:29Well, I like the juxtaposition

00:08:31between the end of his message

00:08:33and then the disclaimer. It's like

00:08:35you'll regret ever calling.

00:08:37Please call.

00:08:39$2 a time.

00:08:41Okay.

00:08:43I mean, I will say it was put together

00:08:45well, but again, I don't understand

00:08:47exactly what he's advertising.

00:08:49It seems like just himself.

00:08:51So I don't really know

00:08:53who he is. He's certainly not Hulk Hogan.

00:08:55I'm gonna give this one a pass.

00:08:57Yeah, there's nothing that says I want to spend

00:08:59any time talking to this creep.

00:09:01Though if he had a show,

00:09:03I'd watch it. I could see this

00:09:05character here on the screen being like the host

00:09:07of some sort of

00:09:09Goosebumps kid scary show, right?

00:09:11I don't know. That makeup

00:09:13job looks like he's the third zombie shot

00:09:15in The Walking Dead.

00:09:17He's there for like three, four seconds of

00:09:19camera time as they're trying to take down a horde

00:09:21or something. Right.

00:09:23But maybe you want to call this scary

00:09:25hotline. There's more of these?

00:09:27Creeps, do you want to

00:09:29hear horrifying tales of vampires,

00:09:31zombies, werewolves, and more? Yes.

00:09:33Then pick up your phone and dial

00:09:35the Premier Horror Hotline. I like that guy.

00:09:37He looks like the default 80s guy.

00:09:39Oh, totally. Talk directly to demons.

00:09:41Look at this guy.

00:09:43This looks like some cheap haunted

00:09:45house you find in like Windham, Maine.

00:09:49This is Anytown,

00:09:51USA's haunted...

00:09:53Haunted Monster.

00:09:57Alright, that is interesting to me

00:09:59because that just looks like an advertisement

00:10:01for just like your run-of-the-mill hometown

00:10:03haunted house. But you can't

00:10:05go to it, so call us

00:10:07and we'll tell you what the experience

00:10:09is like. I don't know, man.

00:10:11Yeah, I don't know, man.

00:10:13I don't think that one's for me.

00:10:15That last one was like, alright,

00:10:17you're going to call this specific creepy

00:10:19guy. This one's just like, well, you

00:10:21could be talking to a werewolf, a vampire,

00:10:23a monster, I don't know. We're not

00:10:25trying to say who exactly because we don't want to get

00:10:27sued by Universal. Yeah, it's

00:10:29almost like whatever character I decide to play

00:10:31that day. It's a Dracula-like

00:10:33creature.

00:10:35It's a mummy like the mummy

00:10:37but not the mummy.

00:10:39I wouldn't call this number but I'm really

00:10:41curious if somehow on the

00:10:43dark web you can find out

00:10:45how like

00:10:47lucrative this company was because

00:10:49I'm dying to know who called this

00:10:51number.

00:10:53Some lonely kid who just really

00:10:55wanted to speak to a goblin.

00:10:57Man, poor kid.

00:10:59Use your imagination and get away

00:11:01from the telephone. Though, I do have

00:11:03respect for it because it's strictly audio

00:11:05based. So being a broadcaster and

00:11:07podcaster, that's something that I can respect

00:11:09but you really gotta

00:11:11use your imagination

00:11:13talking to this kind of phone line

00:11:15really. So nowadays you

00:11:17get to spend a lot of time talking

00:11:19to famous artists

00:11:21so you don't have a use for a phone line

00:11:23like this but some people

00:11:25really don't have that direct connection

00:11:27so they need to talk to their

00:11:29favorite artist like Bobby Brown.

00:11:31Bobby Brown has

00:11:33a 1-800 number.

00:11:35Yes, let's go!

00:11:41Okay, touring stories, his inner

00:11:43thoughts,

00:11:45personal hotline.

00:11:47This is cool.

00:11:49You know what's crazy now? A lot of

00:11:51influencers and artists have their own text

00:11:53line where you can directly

00:11:55text them and get a response.

00:11:57Similar to this.

00:12:00Nobody got their parents

00:12:02permission. They were

00:12:04forking over the two bucks for the call.

00:12:06And then by the time you're done,

00:12:08you just blew 50 bucks.

00:12:10And that's just so you can learn about

00:12:12Bobby Brown's intimate touring schedule

00:12:14and what he thinks

00:12:16and I think there was a reality show

00:12:18later on in life that showed what

00:12:20Bobby Brown thought and

00:12:22I don't think that would have been worth what they

00:12:24probably spent at that time.

00:12:26These cigarettes kill more people

00:12:28every day than any terrorist

00:12:30I've ever seen on television.

00:12:32I'm going to go against you on this one and

00:12:34say if it's like a

00:12:36pre-recording of Bobby,

00:12:38I'll probably pass on it.

00:12:40But if you actually get to chop it up with him

00:12:42one-on-one and

00:12:44he'll be responsive,

00:12:46I would totally do that because Bobby

00:12:48Brown was like one of the original bad

00:12:50boys and

00:12:52he did the Ghostbusters theme song, man.

00:12:54Where's your loyalty?

00:12:56You want to ask him about that?

00:12:58About kicking it with Slimer?

00:13:00I mean, he does know that

00:13:02Vigo is the master of evil

00:13:04and to battle his boys,

00:13:06it's not even legal.

00:13:10You're not going to get anything

00:13:12real from Bobby Brown. He's going to give you that sanitized

00:13:14version. He's not going to explain why

00:13:16cocaine fell out of his pocket while he was

00:13:18dancing at an award show

00:13:20or what he's really up to.

00:13:22The real intimate details of Bobby Brown's life.

00:13:24Look, man, sometimes

00:13:26those things happen. Bobby Brown was a freaking

00:13:28rock star, dude. I actually went

00:13:30through, I watched the entire

00:13:32New Edition story on

00:13:34BET. It was super

00:13:36super good. And then I actually went through

00:13:38and watched Bobby's as well.

00:13:40And dude,

00:13:42that guy lived like 10 lives

00:13:44in one lifetime. It's crazy.

00:13:46So those are the kind of things

00:13:48that I would want to talk to him about.

00:13:50Not kind of the surface-y

00:13:52run-of-the-mill just

00:13:54regular things. I'd want to

00:13:56really chop it up with the bad

00:13:58boy Bobby Brown. No, because that

00:14:00hotline's not going to be like, here's really why

00:14:02I wasn't in New Edition anymore.

00:14:04Here's really what I'm up to. It's just going to be like,

00:14:06so how was making Don't Be Cruel?

00:14:08Well, let me tell you.

00:14:10Don't Be Cruel had me on another level.

00:14:12I was really feeling inspired at that time

00:14:14and I think me and the team made great

00:14:16music. And that's boring.

00:14:18Yeah, it is. That's kind of just

00:14:20the regular PR

00:14:22coached up responses that are

00:14:24probably all just pre-taped and put down.

00:14:26I get that, but it's Bobby.

00:14:28I'd have to at least poke around

00:14:30and find out what it's all about

00:14:32for myself anyway. So I'd say

00:14:34yes. Ooh, you're calling.

00:14:36I'm going to pass. But I'd

00:14:38be smart and I'd make sure that it was a

00:14:40weekend or a week that I stayed at your

00:14:42house and I would do it there.

00:14:44So our next competitor here is a

00:14:46thing called Boglin, a popular

00:14:48toy in the 80s who

00:14:50I guess also had a phone line.

00:14:52New Goblin?

00:14:54No, this is Boglin.

00:14:56Oh, interesting. Okay, let's

00:14:58see it. From the Bogs.

00:15:00Oh.

00:15:02What the hell is a Boglin?

00:15:06Oh my God, there's so many of them.

00:15:08They're like gremlins.

00:15:10What?

00:15:12They might eat your cat. They might steal your

00:15:14homework. So it's like

00:15:16calling out.

00:15:18That hologram is kind of cool, though.

00:15:22Aw.

00:15:24Talking about the heartstrings.

00:15:26No, they are. They're saying, look,

00:15:28call us, you'll be

00:15:30entertained, and you're doing the right

00:15:32thing. And there is a theme to

00:15:34some of these that they do attach

00:15:36some charity.

00:15:38They'll give you a hologram card.

00:15:40So you get the Boglin,

00:15:42you get the card, you get the feel good

00:15:44feelings from doing something

00:15:46for charity.

00:15:48I think I'd call the Boglins

00:15:50because they're going to help me with my homework, too.

00:15:52No, they're going to eat your homework.

00:15:54I'm going to pass. Hard pass for me.

00:15:56Even though I'd love to give

00:15:58to charity and be a

00:16:00kind-hearted person.

00:16:02I'm just not doing it through Boglin.

00:16:04I'm sorry.

00:16:06Why? Boglin wants to be your friend.

00:16:08There's so many of them. You could be a

00:16:10Boglin. An honorary Boglin.

00:16:12No, he wants to eat your pets, Joe.

00:16:14That's what he wants to do. So to get your

00:16:16wrestling fixed, there wasn't great

00:16:18websites back in the day that you could

00:16:20just go to instantaneous.

00:16:22There wasn't a Sean Ross Sapp to

00:16:24give you all your up-to-date wrestling

00:16:26news. You had to

00:16:28call a phone line.

00:16:30phone ringing

00:16:32phone ringing

00:16:34What's the

00:16:36real scoop on professional wrestling?

00:16:38There's only one way to find out.

00:16:40Follow me on the legend line.

00:16:421-900-HOTBRUNO. Let's talk real

00:16:44wrestling. Who are you?

00:16:46Bruno Sammartino.

00:16:48Follow me now and be the

00:16:50best-informed wrestling fan in your

00:16:52neighborhood. The number again is

00:16:541-900-HOTBRUNO.

00:16:56Make sure you get your pass

00:16:58before you go.

00:17:00Bruno is pretty much out of

00:17:02wrestling by this point. What exactly

00:17:04hot tips are you getting from that guy?

00:17:06Right. He's not in the

00:17:08locker room getting the gossip

00:17:10or finding out what's happening behind

00:17:12the scenes.

00:17:14Like you said, he's been out of the business at this

00:17:16point for a while. There isn't anything that he can

00:17:18tell me. I'm gonna

00:17:20pass, dude. I don't know. Bruno, I'm sorry,

00:17:22dude, but I can't. Respect, but I

00:17:24can't do it. If I wanted to know

00:17:26what was going on, I'm not calling a number that

00:17:28it's hot Bruno.

00:17:30You might accidentally call the

00:17:32wrong number. Oh my

00:17:34goodness. Jeff, why is there a charge

00:17:36here for hot Bruno? I can

00:17:38explain that. It's professional wrestling.

00:17:40Yeah, yeah. Sure it is. You're a pervert

00:17:42kid. It's bad enough there's oiled up men

00:17:44on the screen every weekend. Now you call

00:17:46it hot Bruno. So the teen

00:17:48girls really were marketed to back

00:17:50then. And you know how bad

00:17:52it is today when they stand there

00:17:54BTS and some of these pop groups?

00:17:56Oh yeah, dude. It is

00:17:58insanity. Well, the

00:18:00heartthrobs back then, they raked

00:18:02it in. Wouldn't you want to call the

00:18:04two Corys? Corey Haim and Corey

00:18:06Feldman? Maybe. Let's see

00:18:08their pitch. Guess what?

00:18:10Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are giving out

00:18:12their personal numbers. Oh gosh. If you call

00:18:141-900-909-3700

00:18:16you can listen to their private phone messages.

00:18:18Boys just being boys.

00:18:20It looks like they're gonna kiss.

00:18:22Why is he dressed like Michael Jackson?

00:18:24Oh, Corey Feldman was

00:18:26in love with Michael Jackson. Yeah, he's

00:18:28even doing the moves right now. If you call me right

00:18:30now, I'll give you my private number.

00:18:32If you call that number, and you'll

00:18:34hear a recording and I'll give you my personal number

00:18:36Corey Haim has no idea how any of this

00:18:38phone line works. No, it's like

00:18:40he's trying to figure it out on the go, man.

00:18:42It's like, look, you have them

00:18:44for one take. We literally gotta get them out

00:18:46of this building.

00:18:48Just let them go, you know? And he's

00:18:50like, yeah, you call this

00:18:52and you'll get a recording of me

00:18:54and if you pay, it'll give you my personal

00:18:56number. So you have to call this number

00:18:58to be able to get the number to be able to call me.

00:19:00And the same rules apply for the other Corey.

00:19:02You call this number to get a number to be able to

00:19:04call him, but he'll call you back. And then it's like,

00:19:06what am I doing?

00:19:08Why do I care about these two Corey's?

00:19:10And I kinda got the impression,

00:19:12am I calling to listen to those

00:19:14two talk to each other? Like, am I

00:19:16eavesdropping on what the Corey's are talking

00:19:18about? And I just chirp in every

00:19:20once in a while. That's cool.

00:19:22That's cool. Can I come?

00:19:24And they don't acknowledge what you say

00:19:26at all. It just continues

00:19:28on tape, man.

00:19:30I wish some of these were like

00:19:32because when I was a kid and I

00:19:34see the, you know, mean gene hotline,

00:19:36I'd be like, oh, I get to actually talk

00:19:38to him. Like, but then you start to think

00:19:40how is he fielding hundreds

00:19:42of thousands of phone calls every

00:19:44day? Ah, it's

00:19:46a tape. It's a new tape every

00:19:48day. And it's just like

00:19:50if you're not getting that connection,

00:19:52I don't know, man. But as a kid, I

00:19:54would have done it. But Corey and Corey

00:19:56even as a kid, I'm out.

00:19:58I do not care. No, I

00:20:00love Corey Feldman and Friday the 13th

00:20:02part four. Yeah, but

00:20:04I'm not calling this number

00:20:06this for the girls

00:20:08now. Now imagine if you could

00:20:10call him and you could specifically talk to him

00:20:12about his role and all the questions

00:20:14you have about that film. That would

00:20:16be something worth paying for, right?

00:20:18Which I think that's probably

00:20:20you know, I said Twitter is the evolution of

00:20:22this. Yeah, maybe cameo

00:20:24is also the evolution of all this.

00:20:26No, good point. Yeah, because

00:20:28you can go on there

00:20:30and all right.

00:20:32I think there's there's not just requested

00:20:34video, but there's

00:20:36follow a fan club and I guess you get to see

00:20:38little minor messages and then

00:20:40there's direct phone call access

00:20:42that they schedule like 10 15

00:20:44minute blocks. So we're gonna get

00:20:46back to some spooky stuff.

00:20:48Maybe this is the one that you're gonna

00:20:50end up calling Jeff. If maniac

00:20:52zombies, aliens, monsters, and

00:20:54madmen are your line, then try

00:20:56this. Oh geez, dude, these are

00:20:58creepy. Call

00:21:001-900-909-CREEP

00:21:02Creep Phone, what a name!

00:21:04That sounds like a say by

00:21:06the bell gag that Lisa would say that

00:21:08you know, you'd probably get a whole screech.

00:21:10Yeah. You may be heard by

00:21:12millions of Creep Phone fans. Call us right now

00:21:14and you can also be a creep.

00:21:16Under 18, get permission before calling.

00:21:18They have no like spooky sounds

00:21:20or music behind this. It's just like

00:21:22a one voiceover. Yeah, that's a problem.

00:21:24You kind of got to add that atmosphere

00:21:26to it. Yeah, you got to have the

00:21:28ghouls and the ghosts and the

00:21:30music. They could have put more

00:21:32effort into that. It seems like they spent their entire

00:21:34budget on the puppets or whatever we saw.

00:21:36And you hear the other part of it?

00:21:38You can add your own story to the hotline.

00:21:40So they didn't talk about

00:21:42compensation. They just want

00:21:44to steal other people's hard work

00:21:46also. Alright, now that you put that out

00:21:48there, this seems like it's just one of those

00:21:50total scams. We're going to take your story,

00:21:52record it, and we're going to play it back

00:21:54for other folks that are going to call in.

00:21:56Oh yeah, and you know like, even if they get

00:21:58a marginally good story sent to

00:22:00them, they're just going to call the person and be like

00:22:02man, the exposure

00:22:04that you are going to get as a horror

00:22:06writer, that they're going to hear

00:22:08your words coming through our phone line

00:22:10and we just reached nationally.

00:22:12That's that level of fame

00:22:14that you just can't get on your own.

00:22:16Oh yeah, R.L. Stein who?

00:22:18Move over!

00:22:20Make some room! Dude, I'm out.

00:22:22I can't call this. Though,

00:22:24the number is awesome.

00:22:261-900-909-CREEP

00:22:28It's

00:22:30amazing that like, Goosebump

00:22:32doesn't have their own version of this.

00:22:34It's all these lower

00:22:36forms. I would have called it Goosebump number.

00:22:38Yeah. And they'd be like, oh you get to speak

00:22:40to that mannequin that's creepy.

00:22:42Oh, okay.

00:22:44I'd be down for that.

00:22:46Not this. This is nothing.

00:22:48So these phone lines weren't just meant

00:22:50to scare you or get you to talk to a

00:22:52celebrity. Sometimes, it

00:22:54helped you emotionally.

00:22:56Okay, because I read

00:22:58this and I thought it was a number specifically

00:23:00intended to make you cry.

00:23:02And I was like, who would do

00:23:04that to themselves?

00:23:06Somebody would.

00:23:08Because that's exactly what this is.

00:23:10Shut your mouth. It is not.

00:23:12Nobody is going to try to make you cry.

00:23:14I thought it would be like a help line.

00:23:20Sometimes, you just need a good cry.

00:23:22So call 1-900-909-CRY

00:23:36Oh, they made Chief Terry upset.

00:23:38Call 1-900-909-CRY

00:23:40Can we recreate

00:23:42this ad with us, please?

00:23:44Oh my

00:23:46God, dude. I get it.

00:23:48Sometimes, you need a good cry.

00:23:50The pressure from work and relationships

00:23:52and the anxiety can be too much.

00:23:54I get it. But just cry

00:23:56on your own time in their own corner

00:23:58of your room with the, you know, lights

00:24:00off. Don't call somebody and cry

00:24:02to them.

00:24:04You've got to think, that's genius.

00:24:06Call me and you can cry.

00:24:08Could you imagine meeting the guy at the party who came up with that

00:24:10and you're like, hey, you have a lot

00:24:12of money. How do you make your living?

00:24:14I got a phone line

00:24:16and people call in and have

00:24:18emotional breakdowns. It's freaking

00:24:20great. Get this.

00:24:22I trick them to call me before they cry

00:24:24so I can charge them

00:24:26to cry. It's genius.

00:24:28Oh, do you have live operators

00:24:30there to help them through their emotional

00:24:32breakdown?

00:24:34No, it's a tape.

00:24:36It's him saying, that's got to be

00:24:38so tough. No, no.

00:24:40Go on, go on.

00:24:42What's sad, too, is they were probably like, you know,

00:24:44they say that people have cries out,

00:24:46cries of hell before something

00:24:48really bad happens.

00:24:50I think the minute you saw that on somebody's

00:24:52phone bill, you'd be like,

00:24:54do you want to talk?

00:24:56Yeah, is everything going to be,

00:24:58you know, what's going on?

00:25:00I mean, come on. That's what you have friends

00:25:02for, but if you don't have a friend or a family

00:25:04member or even a therapist to talk to,

00:25:06I guess you could call

00:25:081-900-9099-CRY.

00:25:10Boy,

00:25:12mental health was

00:25:14a lot more of a struggle back then.

00:25:16Oh, dude, imagine them trying to run that

00:25:18spot now. But hey, life gets

00:25:20better. You can actually get in contact

00:25:22with the Easter Bunny.

00:25:24Shut your mouth. Is this

00:25:26actually Peter Cottontail?

00:25:28Hi, I'm Harry the Easter Bunny.

00:25:30Oh, Harry. Yeah.

00:25:32Peter Cottontail's too big time.

00:25:34Yeah.

00:25:40I love the mouth.

00:25:42A whoopie? What's a whoopie?

00:25:44That sounds like

00:25:46something you get at the strip club.

00:25:50I like the voice they chose

00:25:52for the bunny.

00:25:56Yeah, you know, that's kind of the voice I would

00:25:58expect coming from a bunny trying to sell me

00:26:00cheap crap. Yeah, it's like they gave him

00:26:02peanut butter or something

00:26:04just to keep his mouth moving.

00:26:06So, would you have called that Easter Bunny number?

00:26:08You get a novelty gift,

00:26:10you get to help Special Olympics,

00:26:12and every day is a new Easter

00:26:14story. It's enticing

00:26:16for me because of the gift,

00:26:18of course, but it's not Peter Cottontail.

00:26:20It's some

00:26:22relative of his named Henry,

00:26:24I think it was.

00:26:26I gotta pass on this one.

00:26:28You know, I think if you have

00:26:30a nephew or a niece around,

00:26:32you gotta call it once or twice.

00:26:34It'd be a fun thing for them, right? Maybe

00:26:36you're not the type of person to cry

00:26:38over the phone line. Maybe you just

00:26:40wanna talk to fellow freaks.

00:26:42Let your

00:26:44freak flag fly. Let's see it.

00:26:50Oh gosh, this is not

00:26:52the kind of freaks I thought.

00:26:54No, that's

00:26:56a genetic mutation right there.

00:27:02Wait, what?

00:27:06It's a great number.

00:27:08Great jingle.

00:27:10Yeah, but

00:27:12they probably should have added more cutaways

00:27:14or something because he looks like a bootleg

00:27:16Ninja Turtle villain.

00:27:18No, he does. That is not

00:27:20the kind of freak line that I had thought

00:27:22we were gonna get here.

00:27:24I thought it was gonna be more of

00:27:26one of those steamy 1-900

00:27:28numbers, if you know what I mean.

00:27:30Freddy Freaker? I'm not calling.

00:27:32I don't know, I'm afraid

00:27:34of him a little bit.

00:27:36I totally imagine this 1-900

00:27:38freak number just being this

00:27:40dude with the typical

00:27:42strip club voice. Alright, crowd around

00:27:44the base stage right now. It's Trixie.

00:27:46She's ready to get her freak on.

00:27:48Looking for fellow freaks out there.

00:27:50It's not. It's some sort of

00:27:52goblin character.

00:27:54And you can already talk to a

00:27:56boglin. Why are you calling Freaker?

00:27:58What was the name of

00:28:00Barney's dinosaur friend that he had?

00:28:02The yellow one.

00:28:04No, there's Trixie,

00:28:06but Trixie was the girl.

00:28:08Right, there was a yellow one

00:28:10that was like a Triceratops.

00:28:12Or maybe I'm thinking of a different show completely.

00:28:14No, you're thinking of Barney.

00:28:16Okay, that's what this dude looks like.

00:28:18Who is the yellow character on

00:28:20Barney? His name is BJ.

00:28:22BJ, okay, yeah. It looks like BJ.

00:28:24Holy crap,

00:28:26you're right. It does look like BJ.

00:28:28Bingo!

00:28:30Now, if I could

00:28:32talk to him and get the dirt

00:28:34on Barney, I'm in.

00:28:36Hey, dude, I got it.

00:28:38I got it.

00:28:40When Barney said, I love you and you love me,

00:28:42he was specifically talking to JR.

00:28:44No, he was.

00:28:46He wasn't talking to me. I was part of that crew that

00:28:48absolutely hated Barney.

00:28:50Right. I just like to feel

00:28:52good, okay? I just like to feel good.

00:28:54Would you feel good if you got a phone call

00:28:56from this guy?

00:28:58Freddy Krueger is on your phone.

00:29:00Oh my god, no.

00:29:02I've got some tales to tell.

00:29:04Freddy's favorite bedtime stories.

00:29:06Dead time stories.

00:29:08All brand new.

00:29:10Dead time stories, that's good.

00:29:12It's Freddy Krueger on your phone.

00:29:14Dude, this one is well made, though.

00:29:16If I heard that screaming while I was

00:29:18on the couch trying to sleep,

00:29:20I would troublemake.

00:29:22Right.

00:29:24Yes, the

00:29:26target audience for Freddy Krueger phone

00:29:28lines. Children.

00:29:30That he

00:29:32molested.

00:29:34I don't know exactly how that's going to

00:29:36pan out, bro.

00:29:38After doing that Freddy Krueger fan film

00:29:40marathon on the channel,

00:29:42all I can think of

00:29:44is what Freddy Krueger did

00:29:46to become Freddy Krueger.

00:29:48And, you

00:29:50know, I don't really want to know what his

00:29:52favorite nighttime stories are.

00:29:54Yeah, on

00:29:56three. Yes or no? One,

00:29:58two, three, no.

00:30:00Yes, because I actually...

00:30:02Come on, Joe! Somebody

00:30:04years ago on YouTube posted

00:30:06up a phone call they made to that number.

00:30:08Really? And they put legit effort

00:30:10and Robert Englund actually

00:30:12read like 40 minutes worth of

00:30:14material for that phone line.

00:30:16No way! See, that would be

00:30:18kind of cool. What if Jason Voorhees

00:30:20had a hotline? What would he say?

00:30:30Then you'd record it on the other line

00:30:32because you want to preserve that phone call and you'd be like,

00:30:34so I basically got nothing and I

00:30:36hung on the phone line for like 10 minutes.

00:30:38I didn't get much from him and my bill's up

00:30:40the ass here. Now this next one

00:30:42is going to be a little false advertising

00:30:44because it's for...

00:30:46friends. Oh.

00:30:48Like the show? No, you're not going to talk

00:30:50to Jennifer Aniston. So I can

00:30:52already see you're a little disappointed.

00:30:54Don't be bored!

00:30:56What's the number now? 0-8-

00:30:589-1-1-27

00:31:0027-27

00:31:02Ooh! Wait, that's it?

00:31:04Still bored? Then try this

00:31:070-8-9-1-1-1

00:31:09Double five, double!

00:31:11Double five!

00:31:13Alright, my first impressions,

00:31:15whoever did the

00:31:17jingle for that, you know,

00:31:19second piece that we just saw, I hope

00:31:21they got paid really well because that was dope.

00:31:23Was that a monkey

00:31:25blowing up? Yeah, but

00:31:27who exactly are we calling?

00:31:29Are we calling these random folks to make

00:31:31friends with them? Yeah, all over

00:31:33the country you can meet fellow people.

00:31:35And become friends.

00:31:37Yeah, because you know how well that's working out these

00:31:39days. Right, but we're friends and you

00:31:41never charge me to talk to you.

00:31:43And I should because then

00:31:45I'd be able to afford a blowing up monkey

00:31:47in my commercials. Right. And I like

00:31:49it the first commercial, it's the graphics

00:31:51to, I'm pretty sure, Michael Jackson's

00:31:53black or white video. Yeah?

00:31:55With the face morphing happening.

00:31:57Oh, yep. And then that second

00:31:59jingle is like, if you asked

00:32:01a kid today, hey, what does 1994

00:32:03look like? Oh,

00:32:05yeah. You're like, well,

00:32:07everyone's really peppy

00:32:09and then a lot of really random ass things

00:32:11are happening. Well, you're not

00:32:13wrong. Pretty much spot on there,

00:32:15kid. I'd want to say we're being

00:32:17stereotyped, but you know,

00:32:19stereotypes sometimes are true.

00:32:21Yeah, I mean there's some sort of truth to them

00:32:23and the truth here is

00:32:25I'm going to pass on this one.

00:32:27You know, I'm just going to go out and try to

00:32:29make friends the old fashioned way.

00:32:31On the block. In the neighborhood.

00:32:33You know what I'm saying? Now the other thing

00:32:35that kind of killed the phone line

00:32:37is dating apps.

00:32:39Tinder. And, you know,

00:32:41Match and all these other places

00:32:43that try to find you someone to spend your

00:32:45life with. But before then,

00:32:47what did we have? We had this.

00:32:49Let's take a look here.

00:32:53They make you broke. And they make you crazy.

00:32:55Now find the right girl for you

00:32:57on the girl line.

00:32:59Is this targeted for other men?

00:33:01Or is this targeted for girls

00:33:03to become friends with girls?

00:33:05Oh, this is targeted for men.

00:33:07Oh yeah, I hear it. They want to meet some men

00:33:09right now. Look at the

00:33:11hair. When was this?

00:33:1388? 89?

00:33:15Yeah, it looks like...

00:33:17They all look like extras

00:33:19to the wedding singer. No, they dill.

00:33:21Looks like Christine

00:33:23Taylor's character in The Wedding Singer.

00:33:25She really wants to get with Robbie Hart.

00:33:27No, dude.

00:33:29Alright, so before

00:33:31Christian Mingle or FarmersOnly.com

00:33:35this was the online

00:33:37dating. It was the phone line

00:33:39dating. Girls, girls, girls!

00:33:41Dude, I like the

00:33:43ad. I like the hair.

00:33:45I like the color. I'm going to give it a yes.

00:33:47I would call it.

00:33:49I mean, there's just some of those girls in there that I

00:33:51definitely would like to meet.

00:33:53Because they drive you crazy. They make you

00:33:55smile. Like, alright, thank you

00:33:57for the generic description of some of these girls.

00:33:59But I have a feeling that

00:34:01after I talk to these girls and

00:34:03shoot my shot, I'm going to have to call

00:34:051-900-9099-CRY.

00:34:07So I'm going to be

00:34:09double enough to bill this month.

00:34:11And then you'll call Hot Bruno.

00:34:13Yeah. For wrestling

00:34:15tips. Of course.

00:34:17So maybe you're calling Hot Bruno

00:34:19for wrestling tips. But maybe you want to

00:34:21speak to wrestling women.

00:34:23Now you can hear the gorgeous ladies

00:34:25of wrestling on the telephone.

00:34:27They have their own 900

00:34:29number. I'm not surprised.

00:34:31But that is awesome.

00:34:331-900-909-GAL.

00:34:35Did you ever watch their show?

00:34:37No.

00:34:39I didn't know anything about GLOW

00:34:41until much later on.

00:34:43Not like their actual

00:34:45broadcast, but like the

00:34:47Netflix show that they

00:34:49have about it.

00:34:51No, I meant to eventually check it out,

00:34:53but...

00:34:55It's really good. It's good.

00:34:57I mean, I like Alison Brie from Community,

00:34:59and I know she's like the star of it.

00:35:01But I never...

00:35:03I don't know. It's one of those things where you have so many shows

00:35:05and then eventually you're like, well, I never got around

00:35:07to that one. Oh, well.

00:35:09Alright, we're obviously huge wrestling fans.

00:35:11We're a fan of women as well sometimes.

00:35:13They make you laugh.

00:35:15They make you smile.

00:35:17They make you do a lot of things.

00:35:19But I would call that one.

00:35:21I don't think I'd call this, and there's a few reasons

00:35:23I'm just not gonna do it.

00:35:25First of all, none of the girls

00:35:27showed up on camera with a phone

00:35:29in their hand. This was all narrated by

00:35:31a dude. And then

00:35:33I just have this memory of

00:35:35the times we've seen actual wrestling divas

00:35:37in real life, and I'm pretty

00:35:39sure at both times, they were

00:35:41really bored out of their mind

00:35:43to be anywhere else.

00:35:45We met Stacy Keebler at a signing

00:35:47and she looked like she'd rather be anywhere else.

00:35:49There was one where it was Scotty Tuhati

00:35:51signing with Terry Runnels at the Civic Center.

00:35:53Ah, I remember that one.

00:35:55Maybe it was because you kind of insulted

00:35:57Scotty Tuhati and she overheard.

00:35:59No, I did. I was a dink.

00:36:01Because I was huge into John Cena

00:36:03and why I tried to pit John Cena

00:36:05against Scotty Tuhati, who I loved.

00:36:07In eighth grade, I did the hair,

00:36:09the whole outfit for this

00:36:11eighth grade Halloween contest. I was a huge

00:36:13fan of his. So why was I such a dink?

00:36:15I don't understand. I guess I was just a teenager.

00:36:17I was an idiot. Only one person

00:36:19could vaguely use hip hop in their gimmick

00:36:21apparently. Right, just one.

00:36:23There's only room for one. But both of them

00:36:25were just like, alright, sign, sign.

00:36:27Who's this to? Alright, and goodbye.

00:36:29Next in line. So

00:36:31to pay, I don't know,

00:36:33two bucks a minute for that? Nah.

00:36:35I'm not doing that. I would give it

00:36:37at least a minute. So now we're back to

00:36:39horror, but this time with a

00:36:41celebrity element to it.

00:36:43Maybe you want to speak

00:36:45to your favorite 60's sitcom

00:36:47character, Grandpa from

00:36:49The Munsters. I thought that was

00:36:51him. Hiya kids, it's me,

00:36:53your friend, Grandpa.

00:36:55I gotta tell ya, I am starting a new club

00:36:57and I want you to join.

00:36:59Oh sweet. It's called the Junior Vampires

00:37:01of America.

00:37:03I could be a junior vampire?

00:37:05Now, to call, you gotta ask

00:37:07your parents permission and call this

00:37:09phone number. So if I'm a

00:37:11junior vampire, why am I afraid

00:37:13that my parents are gonna see the phone bell?

00:37:15I'm already undead. Learn how to

00:37:17get a free vampire patch

00:37:19and a list of special vampire

00:37:21tricks and secrets. Look, you get

00:37:23the vampire patch, you get the vampire

00:37:25tips and tricks and secrets.

00:37:27Learn how to scare your friends, even yourself.

00:37:29Join Grandpa's Junior Vampires

00:37:31of America club and I

00:37:33will make you a junior

00:37:35vampire. Hey kids,

00:37:37call 1-900-909-4300.

00:37:39That's 1-900-909-

00:37:41Dude, I don't know about you, but I would

00:37:43totally be down to become a junior vampire.

00:37:45Join the Junior Vampires club.

00:37:47Just $2 a person. Me too, honestly.

00:37:49Ask mom or dad first.

00:37:51So there's probably that unpleasant

00:37:53middle process where you gotta

00:37:55figure out how you're becoming a vampire,

00:37:57but once you're in, you're in.

00:37:59You're in. Dude, I'm down,

00:38:01you're down, let's do it. We're finally

00:38:03becoming the junior vampires we were always

00:38:05meant to be. I recommend it.

00:38:07So not all phone lines are created equal.

00:38:09And, well, Grandpa

00:38:11is a winner. I don't know if I want

00:38:13to call the Halloween Pumpkin.

00:38:15The who?

00:38:17His name is

00:38:19Freddy the Pumpkin?

00:38:21Is that his baby pumpkin?

00:38:23It's garbage, that's

00:38:25what it is.

00:38:29Less scary, more annoying background

00:38:31music. Randomly selected,

00:38:33huh?

00:38:35Those things are kinda cute, but dude, we can

00:38:37make those.

00:38:39That looks like deformed Play-Doh.

00:38:45Yeah, I'm scared of getting ripped off, Fred.

00:38:47That's what I'm scared of.

00:38:49Dude, what a sham.

00:38:51That's a big no for me.

00:38:53Huge no, and

00:38:55that's one of those ads that was probably

00:38:57somewhat impressive at the time,

00:38:59but now it's like, there's apps

00:39:01on your phone that could make your pumpkin do

00:39:03that kind of talking.

00:39:05The audio mixing is dreadful,

00:39:07and it's not even scary. It's just like, am I

00:39:09surrounded across the street in the pond?

00:39:11It was just loud.

00:39:13Everything around his voice was just so

00:39:15loud. And the other ones give you

00:39:17holographic cards,

00:39:19or cool side pieces.

00:39:21This one's just like, here, have melted

00:39:23Play-Doh. We don't really know

00:39:25what this gift is, but

00:39:27it was just like a

00:39:29fuzzball that somebody

00:39:31stuck those googly eyes on.

00:39:33I'm pretty sure I made

00:39:35those in first grade. And your mom

00:39:37said, wow, you have a lot

00:39:39of talent. I'll just put

00:39:41these aside. He's going to forget about them in

00:39:43two days. It's the

00:39:45equivalent of Forky. You're just

00:39:47like me. Trash!

00:39:49When I said earlier,

00:39:51boy, it was tough to win at

00:39:53video games, I think they

00:39:55know. And they marketed a way for

00:39:57you to get better at video games.

00:39:59So they marketed a way to get better that wasn't

00:40:01like an actual book that you

00:40:03had to buy to learn how to beat the game?

00:40:05Hot tips for Nintendo? No.

00:40:07This was an actual phone line.

00:40:09Call Hot Hints for

00:40:11the best Nintendo strategy. Yeah, maybe I didn't want to use

00:40:13her voice for this.

00:40:15Who is this bootleg hero?

00:40:17Supercharge your game.

00:40:19Cool, I can select all my

00:40:21favorite games.

00:40:23Gosh,

00:40:25somebody got a new

00:40:27graphics machine.

00:40:31Why is he out of breath?

00:40:35Joe, what game is this?

00:40:37I don't know, I'm going to get

00:40:39roasted by retro game fans for not

00:40:41knowing what this kid is shilling. And you

00:40:43know that's the kid

00:40:45who is the son of the guy who

00:40:47made this phone line. Oh, totally.

00:40:49He's only doing this ad because if this

00:40:51thing goes under, the family has

00:40:53lost their entire fortune and he's like,

00:40:55fine, I like

00:40:57video games and please call

00:40:59the phone line.

00:41:01Dad spent everything.

00:41:03I'm not going to college. He mortgaged

00:41:05the house. I'm not going to college.

00:41:07We're eating ramen, eight meals a day.

00:41:09If this

00:41:11goes down, he's playing Nintendo all the

00:41:13way into the GameCube era.

00:41:15But hey, with

00:41:17that kind of animation, they probably made a bundle.

00:41:19The guy talks out of his hand.

00:41:21That's impressive. Well, they're not making a

00:41:23bundle out of me. I'm going to pass on that one.

00:41:25That is definitely a no.

00:41:27Well, good luck ever beating your video games.

00:41:29Also, I'm saying no

00:41:31as well. I don't really want to use this

00:41:33guy to help me out. He doesn't look like he

00:41:35can help out his own son. We'll do it

00:41:37the old-fashioned way. Trial and error.

00:41:39We'll do it the old-fashioned way.

00:41:41Game Genie.

00:41:43You don't look like the kind of guy who calls the crying

00:41:45hotline. So you might be

00:41:47able to take a few insults.

00:41:49Wait, you're telling me there's a hotline that I can

00:41:51call to be insulted?

00:41:53That's right. Alright, I need to

00:41:55watch this.

00:41:59Dial an insult. Hey.

00:42:09Oh my god.

00:42:11That's a good rap.

00:42:13That's a good rap right here.

00:42:17Get insulted.

00:42:19$1 per minute. $2 per minute. Kids get permission.

00:42:211-900-2-INSULT. Call now

00:42:23and you'll never be the same again.

00:42:25Maybe I would call it

00:42:27to get good insults

00:42:29that I could use on people.

00:42:31So I'm going to say yes.

00:42:33I would call it not to try to make

00:42:35my day worse to be insulted

00:42:37from somebody that I don't know

00:42:39but just so I could listen to those

00:42:41insults and then later use them on

00:42:43the playground or wherever.

00:42:45But that's the equivalent of, have you ever stumbled

00:42:47across those gigantic

00:42:49joke books that people would put out

00:42:51there and it's like a thousand jokes

00:42:53for everyday situations

00:42:55and then you're thumbing through it and you're like

00:42:57these all suck. Right.

00:42:59These are all jokes my dad uses.

00:43:01Wait, does he have this book?

00:43:03Yeah, I'm not calling the insult hotline

00:43:05but I might call this one

00:43:07because this is important stuff.

00:43:09Is Elvis

00:43:11alive? Judge for yourself

00:43:13by calling the 900 number on your

00:43:15television screen. Hear what

00:43:17could be the incredible Elvis phone call.

00:43:19Listen to the newest and longest

00:43:21recording ever. Just released from

00:43:23the original taped conversation

00:43:25purportedly of Elvis recorded about

00:43:27four years after the 16th of August

00:43:291977.

00:43:31Call 1-900-909

00:43:33everywhere.

00:43:35Call now. Experience

00:43:37what may be the most shocking story of our

00:43:39time. I'm in. I'm calling that number

00:43:41if it was active. I'm calling it right

00:43:43now. Yeah.

00:43:45You know what? I think you call it

00:43:47once but this is one of those things definitely got taken

00:43:49up by the internet because now everyone

00:43:51has probably made a video about Elvis being

00:43:53alive or not alive. Gone down every

00:43:55rabbit hole. I bet I could

00:43:57find the exact phone call they're talking

00:43:59about in this commercial and trying to sell you to hear it.

00:44:01Do you think you really could? Because if you do, I want to hear

00:44:03it. I love a good hoax. I love

00:44:05a good conspiracy. I'm really

00:44:07into that kind of stuff. So

00:44:09this is definitely one that I would call. Well,

00:44:11you know, if this was still around today, there'd be one

00:44:13that's like, is Tupac still

00:44:15alive? Right. Is

00:44:17he on a foreign island with

00:44:19Biggie Smalls? Is

00:44:21Amy Winehouse still alive? I don't

00:44:23know.

00:44:25Did she fake her death?

00:44:29It's not too far off the realm of possibility.

00:44:31But back then, just like at one

00:44:33time being like, I don't know, why is

00:44:35Elvis's name misspelled on his tombstone?

00:44:37Because it's not

00:44:39really him. I got time to kill.

00:44:41And for you being down in Nashville,

00:44:43they probably talk about this every

00:44:45day. Uh, no.

00:44:47Nobody's ever brought it up to me once.

00:44:49And I'm kind of bummed that they haven't

00:44:51because I would love to talk about that.

00:44:53Reality isn't

00:44:55as exciting as you would hoped

00:44:57it would be. So you need to come

00:44:59up and explore a good conspiracy

00:45:01theory once in a while. And sometimes

00:45:03you just have to let that conspiracy theory go

00:45:05and talk to your local

00:45:07rap duo.

00:45:11No way.

00:45:17I mean, what the hell's wrong with you?

00:45:23He called Freddy Fraker

00:45:25and got material.

00:45:29Rock the beat.

00:45:31Rock the beat.

00:45:35That was good.

00:45:37So Will got the movie career

00:45:39and Jazzy Jeff got the phone line.

00:45:41Dude, that was, alright, first and

00:45:43foremost, that was an awesome ad.

00:45:45It's DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh

00:45:47Prince. It's incredible.

00:45:49Well made. Good tunes, of course.

00:45:51Good graphics. Good everything.

00:45:53I'm in. I'd love to talk

00:45:55to DJ Jazzy Jeff. He's a freaking

00:45:57legend. And Will's got jokes.

00:45:59He's got jokes, man.

00:46:01Always. And those are probably

00:46:03like Fresh Prince era jokes.

00:46:05Not what you get from him now.

00:46:07You get it. Prime Fresh

00:46:09Prince sitcom time.

00:46:11Dude, perfect. I'm in.

00:46:13I'm calling, but I probably won't

00:46:15call for this one because it's terrifying.

00:46:19Is it another horror one?

00:46:27This looks like the animation

00:46:29for Spider-Man.

00:46:33Wait, 660

00:46:35Ugly?

00:46:41Oh my goodness.

00:46:47I couldn't call that number. I don't dare.

00:46:49What did we just watch?

00:46:51I think that's a

00:46:53public service announcement for your local

00:46:55stalker. Maybe, but

00:46:57I will say one of the positive things

00:46:59about it, because I'm reaching for something to

00:47:01talk about nice here, is that

00:47:03it seems to be cheaper than the other lines

00:47:05that we've seen so far. 50 cents cheaper.

00:47:07It says you have to pay a lot less

00:47:09for paranoia than you

00:47:11believe you do. Yeah, I'm going to pass on

00:47:13this one too. The horror ones

00:47:15just really aren't getting me.

00:47:17I don't know why. I love Halloween's

00:47:19my favorite holiday. So maybe

00:47:21it's not that it's horror that's

00:47:23not getting you. Maybe you just need

00:47:25a movie attached

00:47:27to it, like Little Monsters

00:47:29starring Fred Savage and

00:47:31Howie Mandel.

00:47:33I'm intrigued.

00:47:47Honestly, they're putting a lot of

00:47:49effort into this one. Dude, this is

00:47:51a dope rap.

00:47:53I love the graphics too.

00:47:55Same.

00:47:57Oh yeah.

00:47:59If you were to make an album cover,

00:48:01I would suggest this.

00:48:15So I get

00:48:17Fred Savage autographs, pinball,

00:48:19a t-shirt,

00:48:21glow in the dark,

00:48:23three different teen magazines,

00:48:27dude, this is

00:48:29sick.

00:48:35It's like this has everything, really.

00:48:37It really does.

00:48:39Have you ever seen

00:48:41Little Monsters?

00:48:43You know what, I've seen clips. I don't know

00:48:45if I've ever actually sat down and watched it.

00:48:47I don't remember. It's pretty

00:48:49solid.

00:48:53I can win a pinball

00:48:55machine too.

00:48:57Yes.

00:48:59But is that really more important than a Fred Savage autograph?

00:49:01I don't know.

00:49:03Kind of.

00:49:07I could

00:49:09win a vacation to Hawaii just for calling.

00:49:11You're giving me all

00:49:13this stuff and I might win a trip.

00:49:15Maurice!

00:49:21Maurice!

00:49:23Come on, James!

00:49:25That's way better than what Freddy Krueger

00:49:27was offering. Alright, real quick.

00:49:29Can we just call it as we see it? That is the

00:49:31single best 1-900,

00:49:331-800 ad we have seen

00:49:35this far. Like,

00:49:37the color, the

00:49:39movie tie-in, all the things that you get

00:49:41along with the actual call.

00:49:43And not to mention that rap.

00:49:45And I think what made the rap cool to me

00:49:47was the monster voice they

00:49:49did it in. That was awesome. Solid

00:49:51graphics. Everything about it looked

00:49:53like an early 1990s Nickelodeon ad.

00:49:55Like, right to the

00:49:5710 frames a second way that

00:49:59the kids moved in front of a backdrop.

00:50:01And the silly string being

00:50:03shot out. Everything about it

00:50:05seemed very fun for a movie

00:50:07that is, you know, solid.

00:50:09I would actually

00:50:11recommend it.

00:50:13It's an underrated 80s classic.

00:50:15Can you believe how many 80s teen magazines

00:50:17there were? That's crazy, dude.

00:50:19So crazy. And I wonder if this

00:50:21guy was ever featured in any of them.

00:50:25I got a feeling he probably

00:50:27was.

00:50:29Okay, I thought this was like a freaking

00:50:31Ninja Turtles spot for a second.

00:50:33What is he, a spy?

00:50:39You're gonna call and he's gonna teach you how to rob

00:50:41a bank? What the hell is

00:50:43this? LL Cool J's gonna

00:50:45tell you how to rob a bank, start a harem.

00:50:49What the hell?

00:50:51What is this?

00:50:53Why is the beat creepier and the laughing

00:50:55creepier than half the horror ads we just

00:50:57went through?

00:50:59Right. Explain this to me.

00:51:01Explain to me what he's actually offering

00:51:03if we call, because I'm lost. Yeah.

00:51:05I'm gonna pass on the

00:51:07LL Cool J.

00:51:09I also have to point out, how sleepy

00:51:11does he sound during this? Like, they just

00:51:13woke him up to record his dialogue.

00:51:15Oh, dude, yeah.

00:51:17Ladies and gentlemen, this is

00:51:19LL Cool J.

00:51:21And I want to thank you all for calling

00:51:23and helping us.

00:51:25But I got plenty more to say.

00:51:27Dial the LL Cool J hotline

00:51:29and call me behind the cuts.

00:51:31Keep up with the latest updates happening.

00:51:33Find out how I'm living.

00:51:35LL Cool J.

00:51:37You'll learn about how I'm living.

00:51:39Get your parents' permission before you

00:51:41learn how I'm living.

00:51:43Yeah, what the LL means.

00:51:45Yeah, what the LL means

00:51:47in Cool J.

00:51:51Alright, maybe you want to be square.

00:51:53Maybe you want to be as nerdy as this guy

00:51:55who I dubbed the mullet king.

00:51:57You better have a great mullet if you're

00:51:59calling him the king of it.

00:52:01Alright, rightfully so.

00:52:03Hello, is this 1-9-7-6

00:52:05psych?

00:52:09Oh, psychic, let's go.

00:52:11I was in the dark until I called 1-9-7-6

00:52:13Now still in the dark.

00:52:17Look at how spooky this is

00:52:19shot.

00:52:21The tarot cards.

00:52:25Unique

00:52:27conversations.

00:52:29If it's with that guy, I'm gonna pass.

00:52:31No, I think he was

00:52:33the pitch man saying that

00:52:35it's a great

00:52:37service because he's used it.

00:52:39Oh, so he was in the dark before

00:52:41he became a master of the tarot card.

00:52:43Yes, exactly.

00:52:45Dude, I would call it.

00:52:47I think that would be spooky

00:52:49kind of, eerie, but fun.

00:52:51You know, I'm not calling this guy. I don't

00:52:53trust him, but I trust these young

00:52:55lads because they just look like they're having a good

00:52:57old time.

00:53:01I love Joey McIntyre's

00:53:03fake acting.

00:53:07Look at his phone.

00:53:09He's got Zack Morris swag.

00:53:15Dude, I guarantee

00:53:17you this made a fortune.

00:53:19A fortune.

00:53:23But it does help out cerebral palsy,

00:53:25so the kids are

00:53:27doing a nice thing, okay?

00:53:29I just think those guys are so cool. I would call.

00:53:31You know what? I would too.

00:53:33And I like when

00:53:35in these ads they use

00:53:37text phrases or titles

00:53:39from their other songs.

00:53:41So they're like, oh, you'll be blowing it up.

00:53:43I'm like, ah, blowing.

00:53:45Okay, that's a word you used in one of your

00:53:47songs. I like it, man.

00:53:49Now this one is something that totally

00:53:51was made obsolete by Twitter

00:53:53because nowadays if you wanted to know what Ozzy Osbourne

00:53:55was up to, you just go to

00:53:57at Ozzy Osbourne. But back then

00:53:59you had to call this phone line.

00:54:07Oh, the real you.

00:54:09Okay.

00:54:11So not the one that we saw

00:54:13on reality TV. The real one.

00:54:15This is the sensitive.

00:54:19You know what's interesting? A lot of the

00:54:21acts, they seem to really pitch the

00:54:23wild road stories.

00:54:25Which honestly

00:54:27is the stuff that I would want to hear

00:54:29because it's not something that you can

00:54:31regularly see. No, that's the stuff

00:54:33like if there would be an interview by MTV at the time

00:54:35they'd be like, you know

00:54:37how the road goes and they'd report it like,

00:54:39I know how the road goes, but

00:54:41nothing we can mention here.

00:54:43And we're over here like, no, how does the road

00:54:45go? Yeah, at eight. The road?

00:54:47I don't know, every road trip I go

00:54:49we have to stay in the car forever

00:54:51and then I think we stop at like a convenience

00:54:53store and maybe we can stop

00:54:55at McDonald's. Is that what Ozzy's

00:54:57talking about? But mostly the

00:54:59road just goes straight. I see

00:55:01trees for long periods of time and

00:55:03hope my batteries don't die. Now

00:55:05this one I think is the real winner

00:55:07because not only is Paula Abdul forever

00:55:09my girl, but she

00:55:11uses her song titles to

00:55:13get you to call.

00:55:15Audio Entertainment presents Pop

00:55:17Music's new sensation, Paula Abdul.

00:55:19Love that beat, dude.

00:55:21Call me, I've got news

00:55:23you can use. Alright, we get a little of the track

00:55:25right here. Oh, there she is.

00:55:27Slides in straight up.

00:55:29Call me twice and I'll send you an autograph.

00:55:31Send you and Paula

00:55:33together.

00:55:35How much am I supposed to pay?

00:55:37You call twice

00:55:39you get the autograph picture, Joe.

00:55:41Call 1-900-909-1800.

00:55:43Are we going to hear about

00:55:45road stories? I don't care what I have

00:55:47to pay, but I want to figure out

00:55:49how it's going to meet me and Paula together, okay?

00:55:51I'm calling.

00:55:53I'm in. Two of them gets me an

00:55:55autograph, so I'm at least guaranteed that.

00:55:57But

00:55:59we could be a thing, okay?

00:56:01She's making it seem like a promise. Three calls, four

00:56:03calls, you never know.

00:56:05She's forever our girl.

00:56:07You know the story straight up.

00:56:09She found somebody else's demo of that

00:56:11song thrown in the trash.

00:56:13Wow.

00:56:15And she picked it out of there and said, there's something

00:56:17to this. I want to record it.

00:56:19Are you in? Hell yeah, man.

00:56:21I'd call that now. I'm going to find

00:56:23out a way to get Paula's autograph even today,

00:56:25okay?

00:56:27Now, the other video

00:56:29game tip line wasn't your thing,

00:56:31and it probably ruined that guy's family.

00:56:33Maybe you're going to

00:56:35call this one.

00:56:41Been there, kid.

00:56:43Hey, kids. You like fidget

00:56:45games?

00:56:47God, they could have picked a worse voice.

00:56:51And why does he sound so distorted?

00:56:53Somebody

00:56:55recorded this in poor quality.

00:56:59Legit, sounds like

00:57:09Destroy Rich Ganon?

00:57:11Oh, why?

00:57:13Ganon, Zelda's anime.

00:57:15Punch Out, Contra,

00:57:17Kung Fu, Donkey Kong.

00:57:19Double Dragon.

00:57:21Yeah, those are all cool games.

00:57:23But your

00:57:25advertisement sucks.

00:57:27I'm not into it.

00:57:29What do you mean, that white kid had an emotional breakdown

00:57:31after he lost his game?

00:57:33I think we've all been there.

00:57:35I had an emotional breakdown last week trying to

00:57:37beat Evil Within, so

00:57:39I can't pick on this kid.

00:57:41No.

00:57:43The next phone line

00:57:45would come around Christmastime,

00:57:47and who do you want to talk to at Christmastime

00:57:49when you're a kid?

00:57:51Frosty the Snowman.

00:57:53And who would you want to call if you actually wanted

00:57:55results at Christmastime?

00:57:57Burgermeister

00:57:59Meisterburger.

00:58:01And who would you call if you weren't beaten as a child?

00:58:05Santa Claus.

00:58:07And what does Santa Claus do best?

00:58:09Well, quite a few things.

00:58:11He can travel around the entire world in one night.

00:58:13I think that's pretty remarkable.

00:58:15Well, it's not as remarkable as his

00:58:17rapping skills.

00:58:19It's a Christmas season once again,

00:58:21it's here. Santa's been selected

00:58:23the man of the year. The hip-hop job

00:58:25is to run on fat.

00:58:27Did everybody back then want to be

00:58:29Run DMC?

00:58:31I was going to say, this seems like

00:58:33it was supposed

00:58:35to be them.

00:58:37This is Ron DMC.

00:58:41This is Walk DMC.

00:58:43It was financed by

00:58:45the guy who did the background design for the

00:58:47Don't Understand Will Smith videos.

00:58:51Hey Will, here's what I decorated.

00:58:53It's Christmas themed. I have an idea

00:58:55for a Christmas rap and Will's like,

00:58:57No.

00:58:59That's okay. And Jazz is like,

00:59:01Hey listen, Will, we have to record our

00:59:03phone line. And the guy's like, wait a minute, phone line?

00:59:05How do I make money off that?

00:59:07And he's like, listen, we don't want to

00:59:09do your Christmas rap, but here's how

00:59:11we make our side money. And then,

00:59:13boom, an idea was born.

00:59:15I think I would

00:59:17refrain from calling, as tempting as it

00:59:19might be. I'm going to pass on that one.

00:59:21Yeah, I'm going to say no to the Christmas rap,

00:59:23but that's not all we have for

00:59:25Christmastime. Maybe you

00:59:27just want to help Santa

00:59:29be his free child laborer.

00:59:31How would you like to be a Santa's

00:59:33helper? Me!

00:59:35Me!

00:59:37Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pause it on him.

00:59:39That is Josh Nichols.

00:59:41Look

00:59:43it up. I guarantee

00:59:45you it's him. Kind of looks like Josh

00:59:47back there. How would you

00:59:49like to be a Santa's helper?

00:59:51Me!

00:59:53Santa Claus?

00:59:55Santa Claus?

00:59:57Santa has a very

00:59:59special Christmas message he wants everyone

01:00:01to hear. And Santa needs

01:00:03your help to spread the Christmas

01:00:05cheer. Be a Santa's helper.

01:00:07Get your parents' permission to call Santa's

01:00:09Who is Santa really talking to?

01:00:11They're all

01:00:13909.

01:00:15And you gotta

01:00:17think, Santa's probably

01:00:19talking to his bookie or his agent

01:00:21and he's like, we have anything better

01:00:23than this today? Oh yeah,

01:00:25by the way, what's the spread for the game later?

01:00:29And what are we doing

01:00:31during the off season? And

01:00:33can you get me a fresh change of

01:00:35pants? This one kid pissed on

01:00:37me when I told him he was going to be my helper.

01:00:39Oh my god. What?

01:00:41Me? Santa's helper?

01:00:43Alright, so do you want to be Santa's

01:00:45helper? I think I'm going to

01:00:47refrain from being Santa's helper. Yeah, if I'm

01:00:49not getting paid for it, I'm not hanging around this

01:00:51set either. I'm not doing anything for Santa

01:00:53because that's what elves are for

01:00:55and I don't want to put an elf out of work, okay?

01:00:57No, that would be

01:00:59rude and irresponsible. You could

01:01:01find something to do with your life. You could

01:01:03find a significant other because

01:01:05aren't you tired of being lonely?

01:01:09You! Aren't you tired of being lonely?

01:01:11I know this guy is.

01:01:13Look at him. I'm tired of being alone

01:01:15every night. Oh yeah. He's

01:01:17ten seconds away from doing something.

01:01:19My friend called the singles connection.

01:01:21And you know what I'm talking about. He's ten seconds

01:01:23away from calling the cry line.

01:01:25Maybe I should call.

01:01:27The singles connection is the best way to meet that someone

01:01:29Yeah, you get to connect with these girls. You go out

01:01:31salsa dancing at the disco

01:01:33The singles connection gets you

01:01:35connected with America's most available singles

01:01:37any time of the day or night.

01:01:39Look at the unthought level

01:01:41I'm going to call the singles connection now.

01:01:43So are you calling? Because that guy is no longer

01:01:45going to be lonely. Yeah, I think I

01:01:47would. I'm in. You know,

01:01:49if it works for that guy,

01:01:51I'm doing it.

01:01:53Now back in the day, you also had to figure out how to

01:01:55stay on top of the music scene.

01:01:57Maybe you wanted to learn a little bit more

01:01:59about the current rap that's happening.

01:02:01Yo, this is

01:02:03Oh snap.

01:02:05Put them on the glass.

01:02:07Hotline buddy

01:02:09call now because this line is ripping

01:02:11and don't worry because your needle

01:02:13down one

01:02:15zero nine four rap

01:02:17the wrap it up hotline is the only place

01:02:19you can talk to yours truly.

01:02:21Finally, I get the opportunity

01:02:23your whole posse. Yeah, you can talk to

01:02:25everybody. It makes a lot of crew

01:02:27about your favorite hip hop tracks

01:02:29and get your parents got it all, doesn't

01:02:31it? Dude, that

01:02:33was kind of a cool ad and he

01:02:35certainly put in a lot more effort into

01:02:37it than LL Cool J did with his. So I

01:02:39got to commend him for that. Yes.

01:02:41Sir mix

01:02:43a lot just seems like the ultimate

01:02:45party guy. I think I think I would call

01:02:47him. I think I would be like the equivalent

01:02:49today. If he was like, hey, call

01:02:51for the flow rider hotline.

01:02:53All right, I'll call once twice.

01:02:55See what's going on.

01:02:57But would you call

01:02:59this guy? Because I know you're afraid of spooky

01:03:01scary skeletons.

01:03:03Yeah, this is

01:03:05shivers down your spine.

01:03:07I'm no numbskull. So call me at one nine

01:03:09hundred nine oh nine two two three. I'm no numbskull.

01:03:11Monster jokes like what's

01:03:13a vampire's favorite sport?

01:03:15Casketball.

01:03:17That doesn't even make any sense.

01:03:19You'll also find out how to get these scary street

01:03:21signs featuring my friends Dracula.

01:03:23You said Casketball?

01:03:25I thought you said Gasketball.

01:03:27I'm not living on zombie zone.

01:03:29Sounds like a horrible

01:03:31place to survive.

01:03:35Why do they always

01:03:37give them these like funny

01:03:39cartoon voices? You know what I

01:03:41mean? I think they all want to be the crypt

01:03:43keeper, but they couldn't

01:03:45get the crypt keeper. Pretty much. And the

01:03:47crypt keeper has one of these.

01:03:49He's just not in today's episode, but I would recommend

01:03:51you check it out.

01:03:53I'm going to say no to that

01:03:55skeleton. Yeah, you think

01:03:57like if they have the opportunity to give you one of

01:03:59their quality jokes you're going to pay for,

01:04:01you pick something better than

01:04:03Casketball. Right.

01:04:05But these guys, these guys

01:04:07are winners right here. They're the Smurfs

01:04:09and they want to tell you about their

01:04:11adventures. You just have to pay them

01:04:13first. What are all these Smurf phones for

01:04:15Papa Smurf? So our friends can call us at one

01:04:17nine hundred nine oh nine two two three. I like that their phones

01:04:19grow out of the ground. Do I dare

01:04:21tell how we failed through the air?

01:04:23What I'm learning is any cartoon brand

01:04:25essentially had a one nine hundred number.

01:04:27Yeah, there's one for He-Man

01:04:29as well. And part of the cost

01:04:31of the call goes to Special Olympics. Did you get

01:04:33to talk with the person that did the voice for him

01:04:35at least? Oh, they just used

01:04:37an audio recording of the voice

01:04:39actor and

01:04:41from what it sounds like is they just gave

01:04:43you episode recaps of episodes

01:04:45they already made. So for the Smurfs

01:04:47I think, no

01:04:49No, you don't know. I wasn't super big

01:04:51on the Smurfs and I'm not going to waste my money on

01:04:53them. No, I got

01:04:55a cool Smurf shirt, but

01:04:57I'm going to pass on it. Even if calling

01:04:59Papa Smurf seems

01:05:01interesting, better than Hot

01:05:03Bruno. Now

01:05:05when you were a kid, did you ever want to

01:05:07start your own phone line?

01:05:09Not really. I kind of just wanted my own

01:05:11phone line in the house.

01:05:13Yeah, who wants to share with a sibling or your

01:05:15family?

01:05:17But you'll never be like this kid. This kid had

01:05:19his own phone line and he put on

01:05:21the hard sell. Hey, kid

01:05:23you don't want to laugh?

01:05:25I want to punch him.

01:05:27I really do.

01:05:29I'm going to Indian a jack here.

01:05:35Do you want to be scared?

01:05:37Just pick up the phone.

01:05:39Do you want?

01:05:41The poor man's Eddie Munster. He can't be

01:05:43allowed in Grandpa's commercial.

01:05:45I want to know if this kid got any other

01:05:47work after this.

01:05:49He's probably

01:05:51the best actor in Chicago.

01:05:53Okay. Yikes. He dominates the

01:05:55Chicago acting scene.

01:05:57I don't like that kid.

01:05:59I'm not involved

01:06:01in any of that nonsense.

01:06:03I'm going to pass. I'm not talking

01:06:05to this kid. I don't want to talk to him now.

01:06:07I don't want to talk to him then.

01:06:09I think you'd have better value

01:06:11trying to hear a record over

01:06:13the phone. And what record is that?

01:06:15The Ninja Turtles

01:06:17soundtrack. Alright.

01:06:19I'm already in.

01:06:21There's Raph right off the bat.

01:06:23My favorite.

01:06:29Wait, you call in to hear music

01:06:31over the phone? Yeah, from the Turtles 1 soundtrack.

01:06:35Yeah, but music over the phone sounds like crap.

01:06:37Would you have known that when the

01:06:39first movie was out and you could call

01:06:41over the phone to hear the sound effect that

01:06:43maybe you could convince your mom to go to the

01:06:45store and get, or you could call that

01:06:47very moment and get? No.

01:06:49You're right. I would probably call

01:06:51and then be really disappointed.

01:06:53I can listen in one ear

01:06:55and it

01:06:57doesn't sound good at all.

01:06:59But I would have totally called.

01:07:01Right now, I'm going to put an example of what this probably

01:07:03would have sounded like.

01:07:05And that doesn't sound good

01:07:07at all.

01:07:09And you know, kids, though,

01:07:11they're not the type to

01:07:13think things out.

01:07:15Say you wanted to hear the Ninja Turtles soundtrack

01:07:17and you had it at home, but you were

01:07:19away somewhere, but you're not going to think,

01:07:21oh, maybe next time I'll remember to

01:07:23bring it with me. At that very moment, you want

01:07:25this soundtrack, so you would convince

01:07:27somebody to buy you a second copy

01:07:29or get their own version

01:07:31because you didn't have the idea of how much things

01:07:33cost. So could you imagine,

01:07:35well, I don't have the thing with me right now, so I'm just going

01:07:37to call this phone number, and

01:07:39I don't know how money works.

01:07:41So I just really want

01:07:43to get to IMT Power.

01:07:45I just like, I can

01:07:47see it right now

01:07:49in my head. They got their phone

01:07:51and they set it down on

01:07:53the ground and they press play on the boombox

01:07:55and it just feeds into

01:07:57the receiver of the phone.

01:07:59Brutal. And you can also

01:08:01picture it, too, that the parents

01:08:03not monitoring this phone call.

01:08:05So the full album is probably 45

01:08:07minutes. So this phone

01:08:09is being charged for 45 minutes worth

01:08:11of a phone call.

01:08:13Jeez, dude. Brutal. And you know there's

01:08:15crappy songs on the soundtrack, too.

01:08:17Oh, yeah,

01:08:19for sure. They're not all bangers.

01:08:21And it's $2 for the first minute,

01:08:23and I bet it's not even, the first track

01:08:25on the album is very good.

01:08:27So you're like,

01:08:29constantly starting the phone call over to hear

01:08:31the one song. So it's not

01:08:33just one continuous charge.

01:08:35So another thing that's been made

01:08:37obsolete by the phone

01:08:39is the wake-up call service.

01:08:41A way to

01:08:43get a phone call to alert

01:08:45you, hey, it's time to get up.

01:08:47You have important things to do. And who better to

01:08:49advertise that than

01:08:51Dracular.

01:08:57Dracula?

01:08:59More like Count Dagula.

01:09:01This is the dad in

01:09:03the neighborhood that goes all out

01:09:05every year, has the haunted house

01:09:07at their home, and he actually

01:09:09participates in the haunted house.

01:09:11Now, it's like 50-50

01:09:13chance if his wife's into it as well.

01:09:15Like, they're either the perfect couple,

01:09:17or she's way over

01:09:19the top with it, and she has, you know,

01:09:21a passing interest. She tolerates it.

01:09:23Yeah. But she's either

01:09:25who would,

01:09:27uh, Elvira.

01:09:29She's gotten that far out too.

01:09:31Or if she's

01:09:33local accountant, and she's just like,

01:09:35oh, honey,

01:09:37how much of this do we need?

01:09:39Jeez.

01:09:41What? This year,

01:09:43the fangs have gotten even better.

01:09:45They look real realistic.

01:09:47And then, like, he spends the

01:09:49day before waxing his fake coffin

01:09:51that he just pulled out of storage.

01:09:53Now, when you said earlier that

01:09:55rock bands like Ozzy,

01:09:57that's the perfect place for

01:09:59road stories. The dirt.

01:10:01And no band illustrates

01:10:03that more than the Warrant

01:10:05phone line.

01:10:07Okay.

01:10:09Audio entertainment presents Warrant.

01:10:11Yeah, we like to rock and roll.

01:10:13Yeah, we like to rock and roll.

01:10:15We do a lot of things too, dude.

01:10:17We'll give you the warm, hard facts on our personal lives.

01:10:19I guarantee you they're gonna say, here are road stories.

01:10:21$2 for the first minute, $0.45 each additional minute.

01:10:23Kids, ask your parents permission. You'll get the latest

01:10:25on tours, videos, and what town

01:10:27we blew up last. Call and hear a new message

01:10:29every day and learn how you can leave your personal message

01:10:31for Warrant. Or anything else you've got

01:10:33on your mind. Call us and find out what

01:10:35goes on behind $2.

01:10:37No, thank you.

01:10:39Maybe you don't

01:10:41want to know. Find out if the

01:10:43drummer's STD results have come back.

01:10:47Find out which girl is suing

01:10:49us for child support.

01:10:51Heaven isn't

01:10:53too far away.

01:10:55Discover who got

01:10:57who pregnant. It's Warrant.

01:10:59I'm gonna say no for them.

01:11:01No, I guess I'm not. I don't care that much about

01:11:03what Warrant's up to to call that number.

01:11:05But if I was a

01:11:07bigger fan of hair metal,

01:11:09I would've called.

01:11:11Who doesn't want to know

01:11:13what's going on in that tour bus?

01:11:15And finally, because I

01:11:17know how much you love wrestling,

01:11:19we have

01:11:21competing phone lines.

01:11:29Oh, that's your boy!

01:11:33No way!

01:11:35Sting!

01:11:37What a disgusting, despicable

01:11:39phone call you just made to me.

01:11:41The Ross report?

01:11:43I'm in for that.

01:11:47It is cool that they have a different

01:11:49person for each day.

01:11:53Okay, that is the

01:11:551-900 number that I'll never

01:11:57forget. I don't know why.

01:11:591-900-909-9900.

01:12:01It's the one that I still recall

01:12:03to this day, and I knew it was involved in

01:12:05wrestling in some capacity, but I couldn't remember

01:12:07where. And how about the idea

01:12:09of putting Lex Luger as one of the

01:12:11correspondents? Lex can

01:12:13barely talk in these interviews

01:12:15at the time period. Why is he

01:12:17one of the people you can speak with?

01:12:19What kind of disgusting,

01:12:21despicable,

01:12:23lack of respect

01:12:25does that Billy

01:12:27What's-His-Name show?

01:12:29Well, maybe he's more calm when the camera's

01:12:31not on. Can you afford

01:12:33to pay for that phone call?

01:12:35I don't know.

01:12:37And then, Sting, at the very end,

01:12:39call us. Call it. All right, Sting,

01:12:41I'll do what you say.

01:12:43All right, Stinger, I'm in.

01:12:45I think they did cameo

01:12:47before cameo.

01:12:49So maybe that's why they pulled

01:12:51their roster. They were going to sue for intellectual

01:12:53property theft.

01:12:57There he is. And no, I'm not calling WCW.

01:13:01I would. I would

01:13:03call to talk to Jim Ross.

01:13:05Oh my god!

01:13:07Whoa! Whoa!

01:13:11Ten dollars?

01:13:13No, I met Razor Ramon as a kid

01:13:15and he made me cry on purpose.

01:13:23I'd get one from Todd.

01:13:25A special friendship call?

01:13:31Nope.

01:13:33That's good.

01:13:35Excellent ad.

01:13:37Greetings. On call. Gotcha.

01:13:43All right, my question, my immediate question

01:13:45is when they make

01:13:47these calls, do they have the already

01:13:49generic message made

01:13:51sometimes like, you know, the ads you hear

01:13:53on the radio

01:13:55and they just replace the name

01:13:57after the fact?

01:13:59So it's like, I'd like to wish

01:14:01a very happy birthday to

01:14:03Jeff.

01:14:05Make sure it's a great one.

01:14:07Jeff.

01:14:09Is it that kind of thing?

01:14:11Oh boy. $9.95 makes me

01:14:13think maybe

01:14:15they took a little extra time

01:14:17with these.

01:14:19Maybe you could pull aside them

01:14:21for a few seconds to do a phone call

01:14:23message and, you know, like when you see

01:14:25Cameo and you go scrolling through and scrolling

01:14:27through, some of them have the exact same

01:14:29like, hey, it's

01:14:31blah blah blah celebrity.

01:14:33I hear you're a big fan of blah blah blah

01:14:35blah project.

01:14:37And your family, Brian and

01:14:39Lindsey

01:14:41want to wish you a

01:14:43happy birthday.

01:14:45Hope everything's going well.

01:14:47Alright, bye.

01:14:49I think that's what you're going to get there.

01:14:51That's exactly

01:14:53Cameo.

01:14:55Dude, I would love to call, but

01:14:57I doubt, there's no way

01:14:59like, if I even called

01:15:01one of the hotlines that were for

01:15:03like $2, I'd get

01:15:05a whooping.

01:15:07If I called one that was for $10,

01:15:09dude, I wouldn't live

01:15:11to come over the next weekend.

01:15:13Yeah, but then maybe a month later,

01:15:15you'd be like, yo, guess who wished me a happy

01:15:17birthday? Owen

01:15:19Hart. And then your friend

01:15:21would be super jealous.

01:15:23And then him and Brad got into a fight on the phone

01:15:25and he had to go, but it was great.

01:15:27Now, can you tell the audience

01:15:29about what happened between you and Razor Ramon?

01:15:31Yeah, when I was a kid,

01:15:33WWF at the time was in

01:15:35town and my

01:15:37dad found out where all the

01:15:39wrestlers, what hotel they were at, right?

01:15:41So we cruise over to that

01:15:43hotel. I'm super excited

01:15:45to meet Razor Ramon

01:15:47and he was out at the

01:15:49pool getting some sun, right?

01:15:51And I walk

01:15:53over there with a pen and a piece of

01:15:55paper because back then it was about the

01:15:57autograph more than it was about the

01:15:59selfie because this was the 90s.

01:16:01And I walk

01:16:03over there and I'm like, Mr. Ramon,

01:16:05may I get your autograph

01:16:07please? And he says,

01:16:09get out of here

01:16:11kid, you're blocking my sunlight.

01:16:13And I ran back to my

01:16:15dad crying, sobbing

01:16:17because Razor Ramon was a heel and

01:16:19mean to me. And

01:16:21it's a story that I'll never, ever forget.

01:16:23It was, looking back

01:16:25now, it was awesome. But as a kid,

01:16:27I was just, I was bawling

01:16:29my eyes out. Hey, could have been worse. You could have

01:16:31thrown a toothpick at you too.

01:16:33Now were you at the beach or at a pool?

01:16:35At the pool.

01:16:37He was at the pool, tanning,

01:16:39laying out at some

01:16:41hotel in Portland.

01:16:43At least he didn't kick you

01:16:45in the pool.

01:16:47No. Or give me the razor's edge

01:16:49though that would have been cool. I think

01:16:51I would have called this number and I think it

01:16:53would have been one of those, well it's your birthday

01:16:55weekend and we're going to make this

01:16:57one time exception

01:16:59so you'd have to clear it first

01:17:01and then you'd be like, alright, nice. Now I'm

01:17:03going to get a cool phone call, but

01:17:05I don't know if you've had some of those phone calls

01:17:07where they get a hold of you and

01:17:09if you get starstruck, which you would have done as a kid,

01:17:11you would have just been like

01:17:13and your parents would be like

01:17:15he's just a little nervous, he's very

01:17:17excited to meet you and talk to you.

01:17:19Yeah. Like I

01:17:21even last year got

01:17:23tongue tied talking to Eric Bischoff

01:17:25and it's like, I know I'm not like

01:17:27celebrity worshipping, but it's kind of like

01:17:29yo, it's that guy that I see.

01:17:31If they're going to call you and you're

01:17:33going to answer, it's a one time thing.

01:17:35Like you can't tape it

01:17:37and be like

01:17:39go back in 10

01:17:41years or whatever and be like, oh there was that time

01:17:43I got the happy birthday from Owen Hart or

01:17:45you know, whatever. Unless your

01:17:47parents were tech savvy

01:17:49and like they knew to

01:17:51put you on speaker

01:17:53and to have some kind of recording device

01:17:55and you still probably wouldn't have the highest quality recording

01:17:57like if I was to think of it from that time

01:17:59period, you would have had the

01:18:018mm camera

01:18:03and then you would have had it

01:18:05played off like an old school freaking

01:18:07tape machine

01:18:09and even then you'd just barely make it out

01:18:11and then you'd have to go back in today's editing software

01:18:13boost up the audio levels

01:18:15and then you'd be like, alright well I can

01:18:17kind of, I actually understand what's

01:18:19happening, it's just not in that HQ quality.

01:18:21So as much as I would

01:18:23want to do the

01:18:25WWF one, there's no

01:18:27way I could get by with it.

01:18:29So no. So that was

01:18:31Pop Culture Paradise. We looked through

01:18:33a ton of 800 numbers,

01:18:35900 numbers for all

01:18:37kinds of different things. What is your

01:18:39lasting impression here today?

01:18:41My lasting impression is

01:18:43You want one right?

01:18:45It's the whole thing. Yeah well

01:18:47back in the day you would

01:18:49look at your phone

01:18:51and it would be like, 1-800

01:18:53909 Monster

01:18:55and it's like, well sh**, excuse me

01:18:57well, how do I

01:18:59type in, I don't know how to do that

01:19:01I do now but not as a kid

01:19:03and then it's like a lot of them were the

01:19:05same price and a lot

01:19:07of them are very misleading because when

01:19:09you're younger you think you get to speak to

01:19:11the actual person one on one which

01:19:13obviously you don't

01:19:15but they were

01:19:17really popular, they were a cash grab

01:19:19for sure

01:19:21and I'm sure some of them

01:19:23probably paid off more than

01:19:25others. You probably got

01:19:27your money's worth on a few.

01:19:29I think

01:19:31there's some value there

01:19:33and at least it's the earliest

01:19:35form of being able to reach out to some of these

01:19:37places and feel connected

01:19:39in a way.

01:19:41Now if you had to bring this back now

01:19:43who would you want to have start a phone line?

01:19:45That's a good question. I think

01:19:47you just gotta look at a lot of the top

01:19:49artists that we play on the air

01:19:51the Billie Eilish's

01:19:53and Dua Lipa's and Ariana Grande's

01:19:55Billie Eilish phone line would make so much money

01:19:57That's what I'm saying, that's the first one

01:19:59that comes to mind because her fans are

01:20:01very like hardcore

01:20:03it's almost like a cult. Hear Billie's personal

01:20:05thoughts, hear what Billie thinks of

01:20:07life on the road

01:20:09What was it really like shooting her

01:20:11most current music video and then it'd be like

01:20:13Hey it's Billie

01:20:15Call me or don't

01:20:17whatever. Oh it would have to have some attitude

01:20:19at the end. Now I kind of got the equivalent

01:20:21of that this week when for John

01:20:23Mayer's new single and his album

01:20:25he sent out these little fanzine

01:20:27printouts and it's like a little

01:20:29mini magazine

01:20:31and in it it's kind of got that exact

01:20:33same thing. How'd you feel recording the

01:20:35album? What was it like

01:20:37working on Blank Blank's song

01:20:41inside photos of what it was like

01:20:43shooting the music video

01:20:45so you know

01:20:47that's another person and now

01:20:49you probably wouldn't even have to charge because online

01:20:51you can do free phone services

01:20:53and phone lines so now

01:20:55they could just use it promotionally

01:20:57Yeah anything like that they could just send you

01:20:59you know the

01:21:01PDF itself and you could just

01:21:03view it on your you know iPad. I like that

01:21:05he went the extra mile to send me a printout

01:21:07No same I

01:21:09like having the actual like

01:21:11physical copy you know what I mean

01:21:13It's nice to put on the display shelf

01:21:15it says hey

01:21:17I'm a big fan of John Mayer

01:21:19so I could just tell you that

01:21:21directly but I want something on my shelf that says that

01:21:23too

01:21:25So I think in conclusion

01:21:27right we learned

01:21:29that a lot of these are really really

01:21:31bad

01:21:33some of them I can't imagine were in

01:21:35business very long

01:21:37but the ones with the big big stars

01:21:39those are the ones that I think made

01:21:41a killing like the new

01:21:43kids on the block I'm sure that was

01:21:45gangbusters right

01:21:47but

01:21:49more often than not it's kind of a sham

01:21:51and the content probably isn't

01:21:53that good so a lot of these were

01:21:55thumbs down for us and I

01:21:57want to know for you the

01:21:59viewer how many of these would you actually call

01:22:01which one stands out to you as

01:22:03a must call let us know in the comments below

01:22:05If you're that one person

01:22:07that is obsessed with Freddy Freaker

01:22:09I want to find you

01:22:11and I want to talk to you about your obsession

01:22:13with Freddy Freaker

01:22:15We need you on the show. How many times did you call that freak

01:22:17line so if you like this

01:22:19video you know what to do

01:22:21subscribe like the video

01:22:23leave a comment if you go on Patreon there's deleted

01:22:25stuff and honestly there's

01:22:27way more on this channel and on

01:22:29JR's personal channel. For Pop Culture

01:22:31Paradise his name is Joe my name is

01:22:33Jeff and we'll catch you next week

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