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FunTranscript
00:00:00Welcome to my universe Here it's just the two of us
00:00:29I'm coming through your speakers As close I'll get to the world
00:00:44Every day another person writes another song
00:00:59Hoping that today is the day that you would sing along
00:01:14I'm coming through your speakers As close I'll get to the world
00:01:25Every day another person writes another song
00:01:35Your sympathy is hardening to pay for it
00:02:01I was hoping you could see What a stupid song could mean
00:02:10To some kids like you and me
00:02:15Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, no, no, no
00:02:25Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
00:02:27Believe it or not, anyone can be famous.
00:02:29And you don't really need God-given ability to do it.
00:02:32Now, that doesn't mean you go out there and shoot up a crowded movie theater.
00:02:35That's just wrong.
00:02:36But if you're motivated, you can get yourself on a reality TV show
00:02:39or jump cars on a motorcycle or marry a movie star
00:02:42or simply find a wife willing to have 20 kids.
00:02:45As for myself, my best shot at the limelight is to buddy up to the president.
00:02:49I just need the attention of the media first.
00:02:53So, you jumped the Camp David fence to be on the 11 o'clock news?
00:02:59That's pretty inventive, huh?
00:03:03Hey, where's all the TV cameras?
00:03:06TV camera?
00:03:07And reporters.
00:03:08I thought I'd be doing a bunch of interviews by now.
00:03:10I gotta get out of here.
00:03:11There's no interviews, Mr. Marcus.
00:03:17There's no reporters or cameras either.
00:03:21It's just us.
00:03:24Just us?
00:03:25Why don't you have a seat?
00:03:37I don't get it.
00:03:39This is supposed to be big news.
00:03:41People jump the White House fence all the time.
00:03:43I don't think Camp David has the same impact.
00:03:47I understand the president wasn't even there at the time.
00:03:50Really?
00:03:51Mr. Marcus, can you identify the precise point
00:03:54when your preoccupation to be famous initially manifested?
00:03:57Excuse me?
00:03:59When did you first try to become famous?
00:04:02First time?
00:04:05That's easy.
00:04:06I have some really bad news for you, Thomas.
00:04:11Your dog was hit by a car.
00:04:15He died.
00:04:17I'm so, so sorry.
00:04:21No Rex!
00:04:22Not my Rex!
00:04:25No Rex, please!
00:04:30Did you teach him that voice?
00:04:32You can...
00:04:33That's it?
00:04:34That's it?
00:04:35Yeah, more than enough.
00:04:37How can you expect a young boy to cry without proper education?
00:04:40Blah, blah, blah. Next!
00:04:42Take a seat.
00:04:45Tyler, welcome.
00:04:51No Rex!
00:04:55Not my Rex!
00:04:58No!
00:05:01Rex, please!
00:05:02See, you can stop. That was...
00:05:05That was amazing. I actually felt something.
00:05:07You're fantastic, Tyler.
00:05:10And that's how it's done.
00:05:12Yeah, thank you.
00:05:14Exit that way.
00:05:15Always difficult when fantasy and reality intersect.
00:05:19Yeah.
00:05:21After I squashed my mom's dreams, it was my dad's turn.
00:05:26Get a lark in there!
00:05:30Pay attention.
00:05:32Okay.
00:05:35Keep going. Keep going.
00:05:44Did your dad give up after that?
00:05:46Not yet.
00:05:48He was determined to get my face on a box of Wheaties.
00:05:51If I was going to make a name for myself, I was going to have to do it on my own.
00:06:02Woo!
00:06:04Woo!
00:06:12Winner!
00:06:20You know, Mr. Marcus, if someone has aspirations to be famous,
00:06:25it's usually a prerequisite that the individual have some sort of exceptional talent or skill.
00:06:32Wouldn't you agree?
00:06:33Try to borrow your cell phone. There must be a pic of me at Camp David going viral by now.
00:06:36Based on your failed attempts, don't you think it's time you focused on more attainable goals?
00:06:41This is not fair.
00:06:43What about the couple that crashed the White House dinner and they were all over the news and they weren't even charged with a crime?
00:06:48So why am I here?
00:06:50Mr. Marcus, only .001% of us will ever truly be famous.
00:06:56With those odds, I think it's in your best interest if you embraced a normal lifestyle like 99.99% of the population.
00:07:04Do I have a newspaper? There's got to be an article about me.
00:07:12Listen, I went through your file.
00:07:16You never finished college. You drifted from job to job, no significant other, no close friendships.
00:07:22I understand you don't even talk to your parents anymore.
00:07:24We're wasting time. I need to strike while the iron is hot.
00:07:28Maybe you don't understand this concept, all right?
00:07:30Can I please get the number of the publicist that I left in my coat pocket?
00:07:33Mr. Marcus!
00:07:34Can you do that for me?
00:07:35If you don't overcome this unrealistic obsession...
00:07:37What do you want from me? Huh? What do you want?
00:07:41You want me to say that I'll be an average nobody? Is that what you want?
00:07:44An average nobody with an average life doing average things?
00:07:47Well, it's not an option. I cannot be part of the 99.99%.
00:07:52I have to be famous! Don't you understand?
00:07:55That's what I'm meant to be. So it's not going to happen.
00:07:57Why don't we just end it? Why don't we just end it, okay?
00:08:00I don't even know what the fuck I'm going through.
00:08:03I don't know why we wasted our time.
00:08:05Time, why don't I just end it?
00:08:06Jones!
00:08:07You want to see me end it?
00:08:08Jones!
00:08:09I'll do it since you can't.
00:08:11Get your hands off me! You can't!
00:08:14Stop pushing me around!
00:08:17Stop pushing me around!
00:08:42You're doing it wrong.
00:08:57Excuse me?
00:08:59I said you're doing it wrong. You need a sharp vertical cut instead of a puncture motion.
00:09:04Hey look, what are you doing?
00:09:07I'm helping you.
00:09:09Geez, you could show a little gratitude.
00:09:12Gratitude?
00:09:13Yeah. Your way was going to be quite messy, not to mention pretty painful.
00:09:18You don't want to go out like that, do you?
00:09:20How do you know?
00:09:23I've had a lot of practice.
00:09:25Three failed attempts, to be exact.
00:09:30What are you guys doing?
00:09:32I'm Hannah Renner, by the way.
00:09:35Uh, Bob.
00:09:37You're a palindrome?
00:09:39Talk about karma.
00:09:43My name's actually Robert.
00:10:37You got a little suicide watch, huh?
00:10:40Let me guess. You fucked a goat at a petting zoo. No?
00:10:48Maybe you took a piss in a bathroom sink at a five-star restaurant?
00:10:53Ah.
00:10:56You're one of those conventional types.
00:10:59Yeah. You probably looked in the mirror and decided that chugging a whole bottle of sleeping pills was the best option, right?
00:11:07I just want to be famous.
00:11:09Famous?
00:11:11Well, you're in good company. Real good company.
00:11:16Shake hands.
00:11:19With popular TV personality and world-renowned psychologist, Dr. Phil.
00:11:26You have OCD, PTSD, OCPD, ADHD.
00:11:33That's enough! I'll give you a headache with all of his issues.
00:11:39What's your problem?
00:11:41Oh, me?
00:11:43Well, they say that I got anger management issues, but I don't see it.
00:11:47And again, there was this one time where I told this doctor that I would shank his face and eat his brains while he was still alive.
00:11:53He has IED, intermittent explosive disorder.
00:11:57I do not.
00:11:58Do, too.
00:11:59I do not!
00:12:00Do, too.
00:12:01I do not!
00:12:02Do, too, Larry.
00:12:03Stay the fuck away from me!
00:12:04Phil! Control yourself!
00:12:12These fuckers are always trying to mess with my head.
00:12:15No.
00:12:18Patient uses food and anger to cope with his avoidance of his insecurity issues.
00:12:34You think I'm like everyone else around here?
00:12:36Barks at the moon?
00:12:37Well, I'm not, you high and mighty asshole!
00:12:40Besides, you're the one wearing the anti-suicide smock, not me!
00:12:47Listen, kid.
00:12:49I'm gonna make this easy.
00:12:52You're average.
00:12:54You're like vanilla in an ice cream shop.
00:12:56The only chances you have of becoming famous is running through a field during the Super Bowl.
00:13:02Running to the 50-yard line and putting gasoline all over yourself and lighting your fucking ass on fire.
00:13:08World-renowned urologist Ahmed Abin Habidi recently relocated from the Middle East to a research facility in upstate New York
00:13:16to work on a urological innovation known as the bladder project.
00:13:22There he goes again.
00:13:25Who's he?
00:13:27He's the craziest dude in the institution.
00:13:30He's got this whole uroflash thing. He thinks he's Jason Bourne or Ethan Hunt.
00:13:34Doesn't talk to anybody.
00:13:36Just mumbles about conspiracies and Bin Laden and some cockamity bullshit.
00:13:42Bin Laden?
00:13:44Isn't he already dead?
00:13:45Exactly.
00:13:50I know where he is.
00:13:54You know where who is?
00:13:59Bin Laden.
00:14:03Bin Laden?
00:14:05Ain't numb nuts.
00:14:06Bin Laden bought it years ago.
00:14:08Not really, old chap.
00:14:10That's why they sent me here.
00:14:12Who the fuck are they?
00:14:14I believe he's having a recurring schizophrenic delusional thing whereby he thinks...
00:14:18You shut the hell up!
00:14:20I said who are they?
00:14:24The CIA.
00:14:26CIA?
00:14:28You?
00:14:30You're really off the reservation.
00:14:32No wonder you're involuntary.
00:14:34My dear pussy, I'm only involuntary because they set me up.
00:14:39Who the fuck are you calling pussy?
00:14:42I wouldn't do that.
00:14:44Get off me.
00:14:46Get your fucking hands off me.
00:14:48Get off me.
00:14:51Let's go.
00:14:54He's very excitable.
00:15:03Let's go.
00:15:12Mister?
00:15:15Mister?
00:15:17Smith.
00:15:20Smith.
00:15:24Do you really know where Bin Laden is?
00:15:30I certainly do, Felix.
00:15:32And if you can get me out of here, I'll make sure you end up having tea on the telly with Barbara Walters.
00:16:01Fuck.
00:16:24Something you want to tell us?
00:16:27Have it your way.
00:16:36Time for a new batch of delusions.
00:16:40You are aware that hypnotic drugs have proven rather ineffectual in conventional interrogation?
00:16:48I suggest the use of pliers for the extraction of molars and fingernails.
00:16:56In due time, Mister Smith.
00:16:59In due time.
00:17:10Ready to talk about jackpot now?
00:17:16No?
00:17:27Still time to change your mind.
00:17:30But you'll have to do better than that, my good man.
00:17:49Last chance.
00:17:51Get on with it.
00:17:57How's that feel, Mister Smith?
00:17:59Shocking.
00:18:01Positively shocking.
00:18:03Shall I continue?
00:18:05Please.
00:18:06Don't stop now, old boy.
00:18:08My sinuses have almost cleared.
00:18:16Had enough?
00:18:20I can't do this anymore.
00:18:24I can't do this anymore.
00:18:26Tell your supervisor I'm done.
00:18:30It's not in my job description.
00:18:38He in yet?
00:18:39He's just finishing up. You can go in.
00:18:54So, how'd it go?
00:18:58Not good, I'm afraid.
00:19:00God damn it.
00:19:02I knew that shrink psychoanalytical mumbo-jumbo wouldn't work.
00:19:06Smith's the best, sir.
00:19:09Second best.
00:19:11Of course, sir. My apologies.
00:19:13I promise you this.
00:19:16Once Smith talks, or we fire him,
00:19:21Once Smith talks, or we find Jackpot ourselves,
00:19:25Smith's done. No two ways about it. He's done.
00:19:51Uh...
00:19:54Mister Smith?
00:19:57Do you remember our bin Laden conversation?
00:20:01Jackpot.
00:20:03Excuse me?
00:20:05Intelligence circles commonly refer to the target as Jackpot.
00:20:10Oh, okay.
00:20:13Jackpot.
00:20:15Do you really know where he...
00:20:20What are you doing?
00:20:25Preparation is half the victory.
00:20:32I don't mean to be pushy, but...
00:20:36Come on.
00:20:39Jackpot's dead.
00:20:42Just because our leaders say it so, doesn't make it so.
00:20:48How do you... How do you know?
00:20:54I'm the only one privy to the Doctor.
00:20:58Doctor? What Doctor?
00:21:01If you had a serious ailment, and the only one that could assist you lived far away, would you move?
00:21:08Yeah, sure.
00:21:10Congratulations, old boy. You know more than my old colleague did.
00:21:15He was a man of means, but it would make his health a priority.
00:21:22Smith!
00:21:24Medication time.
00:21:28Get me out of here, Felix. You won't regret it.
00:21:45Hey.
00:22:04Hey.
00:22:11You scared me.
00:22:13Whatcha doing?
00:22:14Looking for a way out.
00:22:16Why? You just got here.
00:22:18I don't belong here.
00:22:21I finally got the opportunity to do something really important and be somebody.
00:22:28Why are you so hyped to be somebody?
00:22:30You wouldn't understand.
00:22:32If I were famous, like, really famous, people would seek me out.
00:22:40I'd have value.
00:22:42People would finally notice me.
00:22:45If being famous were so great, then how come almost every celebrity has tried suicide?
00:22:51Where'd you hear that? Why would a celebrity try to kill themselves? They've already made it.
00:22:56Trust me, almost everybody in Hollywood has thought about suicide at one point or another.
00:23:04You know what's worse than being bullied or hated?
00:23:07Being anally raped by Santa Claus.
00:23:10No. Being ignored.
00:23:13Out there, I can actually become something.
00:23:18It's a total waste of my time being in here. There's no benefit.
00:23:22Are you serious?
00:23:24This place is awesome.
00:23:27Number one, you get three square meals a day.
00:23:31Number two, you get unlimited time to watch TV and color.
00:23:37You get to kick back with cool people who share the same problems as you.
00:23:41They give you these cool, comfy clothes to wear.
00:23:43Plus, most importantly, you get the undivided attention of medical professionals whose sole purpose is to make you feel good.
00:23:52Now what is wrong with that?
00:23:55Hey, do you want to escape with me?
00:23:58Dude, did anything I say just sink in?
00:24:03Oh, hey. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but I gotta get going.
00:24:58Nick.
00:25:08Nick.
00:25:15I'd like you to join our escape so we can capture Bin Laden.
00:25:21What?
00:25:22I need a guy with strength and size in case things get physical.
00:25:27I've already recruited Dr. Phil. There's an escape planning session in my room in one hour. Okay?
00:25:34You actually took Smith seriously? You're so gullible, Marcus.
00:25:39Newsflash. Smith isn't a secret agent, and he doesn't know anything about Bin Laden.
00:25:44How do you know?
00:25:45Dude, you're so cool about being on the cover of Time magazine that you can't see straight.
00:25:49Believing in Smith is like believing I'm a ballet dancer.
00:25:52All right, fine. If you don't want fame and freedom, then that's your loss.
00:25:56I guess there's so much to look forward to being stuck in this place.
00:26:05That ice cream's for everybody.
00:26:08Selfish.
00:26:10It's my ice cream. It's my fucking ice cream.
00:26:15My fucking ice cream.
00:26:18After some detailed planning, this is what we've come up with, okay?
00:26:21All right? And this is the way it's going to work.
00:26:22Hey, am I late?
00:26:26I thought you weren't interested.
00:26:28I'm not.
00:26:29But the fact that I get a chance to see you wackazoids create a clusterfuck, I wouldn't miss that.
00:26:34Okay. Let's get started.
00:26:37Okay.
00:26:38Smith?
00:26:40Yes.
00:26:42Gentlemen, to unlock our rooms after night's out,
00:26:46we'll need the good doctor here to lure the attendant to his room so he may lift his keys.
00:26:52How do you suggest I do that?
00:26:55Perhaps a mock seizure or threaten to kill yourself.
00:27:00Just threaten?
00:27:01Hey Einstein, every nook and cranny of this place has security cameras and there are guards everywhere.
00:27:07You won't be able to leave this floor, not let alone the freaking dorm.
00:27:10We can avoid the cameras by...
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:22You know what? Don't worry. We have a plan. We just have to hurry.
00:27:27It's good to see you taking such an interest in something, Bob.
00:27:31Thanks, Phil.
00:27:33This is not going to work.
00:27:36Not with that attitude.
00:27:41Oh.
00:27:53That felt good.
00:27:57That's the way it is, huh?
00:28:00Just because of some little white lie.
00:28:03Have it your way.
00:28:06But remember, I'm in charge now.
00:28:11So you better start flapping your gums about jackpot.
00:28:17Because if you don't, I'm going to make sure you shit bricks in hell.
00:28:35Oh.
00:29:06Why aren't you wearing any pants, Phil?
00:29:10So that my genitals might breathe as I slumber.
00:29:19Hey! Open up my fucking door!
00:29:28Oh, that's a relief. I thought he wasn't circumcised.
00:29:32I thought he wasn't circumcised.
00:29:37We can use the air ducts to get past the cameras.
00:29:40That's your plan?
00:29:51Oh, shit!
00:29:55Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
00:29:58Someone's going to have a tight fit in here.
00:30:02All right, all right.
00:30:03Hey.
00:30:08Guys?
00:30:11Smith's not in his room.
00:30:12What?
00:30:16Ah, shit!
00:30:17You guys okay?
00:30:20We've got to find Smith.
00:30:21We can't escape without him.
00:30:23Well, he's probably in the observation room.
00:30:25I'll show the way.
00:30:27Oh, shit.
00:30:33Shit.
00:30:44Why do they treat him this way?
00:30:46Good question.
00:30:48In spite of Smith's constant hallucinatory state,
00:30:51I have yet to see him once fling poo since he's been here.
00:30:56Fling poo?
00:30:57Well, the technical term is scatolia.
00:31:00It's the creative art of throwing and smearing one's feces
00:31:04as a form of protest.
00:31:07That's nasty.
00:31:08Pure hatred and solitary confinement
00:31:11is enough to break even the hardest patient.
00:31:15We're all just one bad day away from eating each other's feces.
00:31:19That's my theory, anyway.
00:31:22Well, my willy is chilly.
00:31:24I'm off to get some pants, gentlemen.
00:31:28Come on.
00:31:37Smith?
00:31:38Smith!
00:31:39Smith!
00:31:41You okay?
00:31:42Ah, I feel it.
00:31:43Aren't you rather late for a turn-down service?
00:31:47Ah.
00:31:53It seems I'm having a slight malfunction
00:31:55with the rotating blade on my wrist.
00:31:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:31:58Come on.
00:31:59Come on.
00:32:00Come on.
00:32:01Come on.
00:32:06You're a good friend, Felix.
00:32:08A good friend, indeed.
00:32:17Who the hell chose the pecking order?
00:32:21What's the problem now, Larry?
00:32:24Besides having Dr. Phil's vertical smile in my face,
00:32:27I'm just dandy.
00:32:28I'm terribly sorry.
00:32:30My claustrophobia is producing excess wind in my tunnel.
00:32:34Somebody shoot me.
00:32:36Here comes another one.
00:32:39Shh.
00:32:44Slow it down.
00:32:54Oh.
00:32:55Oh.
00:32:57Oh.
00:32:58Oh.
00:32:59Oh.
00:33:00Oh.
00:33:01Oh.
00:33:02Oh.
00:33:03Oh.
00:33:04Oh.
00:33:05Oh.
00:33:06Oh.
00:33:07Oh.
00:33:31Oh.
00:33:32Oh, shit.
00:33:38Wait, wait, wait.
00:33:39What?
00:33:40What?
00:33:41There might be an alarm.
00:33:42Beautiful.
00:33:43Now what do we do?
00:33:49Go, go, go, go, go.
00:33:51Oh, jeez.
00:33:58Fuck you, Montgomery.
00:34:00Stop.
00:34:01Oh, come on.
00:34:03How did you guys get out of your dorms?
00:34:05No, we got a little turned around.
00:34:09You all better get back inside before somebody gets hurt.
00:34:13There's no need for physical violence.
00:34:29Just put the kettle on.
00:34:36Come on.
00:35:02Yeah, right, old chap.
00:35:04But he did get hurt.
00:35:07Oh.
00:35:09What's that, mate?
00:35:12Which way?
00:35:13That way.
00:35:14That way.
00:35:15Let's go.
00:35:18Sorry.
00:35:20Sorry.
00:35:21Smith!
00:35:31Smith!
00:35:33Ah!
00:35:41Smith, where do we go next?
00:35:44Smith!
00:35:45Smith!
00:35:46Dude, you're pumping a dry well with this guy.
00:35:48We're counting on you, so pull yourself together and tell us where we're going.
00:35:54142 Kensington Way.
00:35:56Attaboy.
00:35:58What's the zip code?
00:36:05They got out.
00:36:06Good.
00:36:08Follow them.
00:36:12Let's go.
00:36:42An AMC Gremlin?
00:37:02Where are we going next?
00:37:25I can't divulge information at present.
00:37:27You can't...
00:37:28What do you mean, you can't divulge?
00:37:30We're in the fucking blind here.
00:37:33We'll need weapons.
00:37:35Weapons.
00:37:36That's it?
00:37:39For now.
00:37:41We're on a mission to hunt one of the most wanted men in the world, and that's all you tell us?
00:37:47Patient exhibits paranoid personality disorder characterized by pervasive distrust of others.
00:37:53We're all on board, Smith.
00:37:56Let's get it done.
00:38:18Definitely not for hoplophobics.
00:38:21What's a hoplophobic?
00:38:24One who has an irrational fear of firearms.
00:38:31Thompson, my good man.
00:38:33I'll need you to equip me with a subfusil sterling L2A1 for this mission.
00:38:39Subfusil sterling.
00:38:43Ain't nobody be asking about that guy unless he's in the British Army or some sort of English double agent.
00:38:52We'll need four 9mm Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine guns,
00:38:57each equipped with a Pelican M6 light front sight mount and 1,000 rounds of 9mm Parabellum ammo.
00:39:03Also an M79 44mm grenade launcher with sub-caliber inserts and 12-gauge ammo.
00:39:09And finally, four steel monolithic body armor plates along with four night optics thermal imaging binocular goggles.
00:39:15And some camouflage.
00:39:17The smock's really uncomfortable.
00:39:19We need more food. We need more food for Christ's sake.
00:39:23You fellas from the circus or something?
00:39:28Could we get some help, please?
00:39:33What you intend on doing with all this weaponry?
00:39:39We're going to kill Osama bin Laden.
00:39:43You can't just burn it out like that, you asshole. He's gonna think we're crazy.
00:39:48Well?
00:39:50I can sell you most of what you want now, but you're gonna have to pass a background check.
00:39:56A background check?
00:39:58Yeah. And looking at you fellas, it'll be a much-needed background check.
00:40:07All right? Let's get it over with.
00:40:11Any of you fellas ever been dishonorably discharged from the military or renounced your US citizenship?
00:40:18Ever been convicted of a crime punishable by more than one year in prison?
00:40:22More than one year?
00:40:24Ever been convicted of any drug crimes?
00:40:27Does that include using?
00:40:31Ever been declared legally incompetent or mentally incapacitated?
00:40:37Well, that was fun. Let's get the fuck out of here.
00:40:40Wait!
00:40:43We need weapons.
00:40:45Sorry. I can't help you fellas.
00:40:48You need more targets?
00:40:49Yeah.
00:40:57Whoa, now, whoa!
00:41:02Can you help us now?
00:41:04Move real slow. Real slow.
00:41:16You fellas don't want to wind up in a whole heap of trouble now, do you?
00:41:19No, no. We just, we don't need a background check. That's all.
00:41:35That should, that should cover everything.
00:41:38All right.
00:41:45Fellas, I found the grenade launcher.
00:41:59Looks like a bad case of erectile dysfunction.
00:42:04That won't get far.
00:42:07That was not smart. That was not smart at all.
00:42:10What the fuck were you doing back there?
00:42:12Smith said we needed guns to capture Bin Laden.
00:42:14Capture Bin Laden? You're still thinking about Bin Laden?
00:42:16I'm worried about getting through the day.
00:42:18Oh, why are you worried?
00:42:20Dude, are you high?
00:42:22We just broke out of an institution and committed armed robbery in the same day.
00:42:25You don't think anybody was going to raise a brow?
00:42:27It's not like we're hardened like that.
00:42:29Plus, look, I paid for the stuff at the gun store. We're fine.
00:42:32You're delusional. At least I have an excuse why I'm at Montgomery.
00:42:35But you, you're genuinely crazy.
00:42:37Yeah, there's no gray area with you.
00:42:39You are certified the real deal.
00:42:44Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
00:42:47Looks like it's time for a sporting game of leapfrog.
00:42:54Oh, shit.
00:42:57Don't wave at the cops!
00:43:00Oh, shit. Oh, shit, he's getting closer.
00:43:03Oh, look at that.
00:43:27He's getting us!
00:43:29Oh, shit!
00:43:31We got a cop!
00:43:44This guy's on our ass like Liberace.
00:43:46Smith, do something secret agent-like to shake this guy.
00:43:50Very good, pussy.
00:43:52Time to test out Thompson's modifications on our defense mechanisms.
00:43:55Nothing.
00:43:57Usually does the trick.
00:43:59Do something!
00:44:01Well, this switch activates the ejector passenger seat for all passengers.
00:44:04Shall we give it a go?
00:44:06No!
00:44:22Come on.
00:44:46What are we doing?
00:44:48Don't get your knickers in a twist, Felix.
00:44:50Let's go.
00:44:52Go where?
00:44:53Doodle Town, New York.
00:44:55Doodle Town?
00:44:57That's correct, pussy. Doodle Town.
00:44:59Yeah, that's a relief.
00:45:01I thought we were gonna fight armed soldiers deep in the heart of Pakistan.
00:45:04Thank goodness the most wanted man in the world is hiding behind the counter
00:45:07of some Doodle Town comedians smart-making slushies and weak old hot dogs.
00:45:16Let's go.
00:45:21Time to commandeer a new mode of transportation.
00:45:24You don't need to inspect the guns.
00:45:26Let me inspect the guns.
00:45:28You don't need to inspect the guns.
00:45:30I'm the one. No, no.
00:45:32Let me see the guns so I can make sure that it fires well.
00:45:34Do you have to bring the grenade launcher with you?
00:45:36It's a little hard to keep them conspicuous.
00:45:38We needed the grenade launcher, okay?
00:45:40Do you even know where Doodle Town is?
00:45:42No, I don't know where Doodle Town is.
00:45:44Mr. Flintstone, can I have your autograph?
00:45:46Uh...
00:45:49Look, kid, I think you got me confused with someone else, all right?
00:45:52Don't think so.
00:45:54You look just like the guy in my vitamin bottle.
00:45:57Get lost, kid.
00:45:59Uh, patient lashes out at child
00:46:02indicates borderline tendencies for pedophobia.
00:46:04I'm not a pedophile, you asshole.
00:46:06I said pedophobia means innate fear of children.
00:46:09Oh, okay.
00:46:11But watch out with those erroneous labels.
00:46:13Montgomery has a big file on me already.
00:46:15But you do have HSP,
00:46:17and that means highly sensitive person.
00:46:20Let me tell him.
00:46:25How appropriate.
00:46:27A bunch of mental patients in a short bus.
00:46:29Won't be hard to spot.
00:46:37Splutch.
00:46:45We got him.
00:46:50Gentlemen, we'll need a suitable place for training.
00:46:54Training for what? For the guns?
00:46:56You can't tango without a few lessons.
00:47:00I got something. Put 381 Macy into your GPS.
00:47:16Yeah, work on that. Work on that one.
00:47:22And now try a hook. Try a hook shot.
00:47:24I want you to try it right-handed and then left-handed.
00:47:27There you go. There you go.
00:47:31Nice. Nice. Good. Good work.
00:47:45Well, there he is.
00:47:48Making any progress getting your name in lights?
00:47:52What are you, uh, joining the army or something?
00:47:55It's funny you ask. I'm actually right in the middle of something really important
00:47:58that's gonna make me a household name.
00:48:01Great. What is it?
00:48:03Well, I can't say.
00:48:05But believe me, it's huge.
00:48:07Oh, well, that's wonderful.
00:48:10Anyway, I was wondering if me and a few friends of mine
00:48:14could use the shooting range for some target practice.
00:48:17Oh, your father took that down a long time ago.
00:48:22A long time ago. He did?
00:48:24Justin, go over the song on page 9,
00:48:27and after that, we are gonna rehearse your lines.
00:48:30Uh, reverse layup.
00:48:33Why don't you do the reverse layup?
00:48:36Try a few more of those, okay?
00:48:38Who's he?
00:48:40Little Justin. Remember the boy from down the street?
00:48:45I thought he moved away years ago.
00:48:47He was on the Young and the Restless last month,
00:48:49and now we are preparing for a Disney audition.
00:48:55Wade? He's not even a relative.
00:48:58He's a neighborhood boy. We all raised him.
00:49:01I mean, don't you know the expression,
00:49:03it takes a village?
00:49:05What are you guys doing?
00:49:07What do you mean?
00:49:09You've been busting my butt for years
00:49:10trying to make you proud of me,
00:49:12and instead of supporting me,
00:49:14it looks like you started some sort of future famous
00:49:16training school for wayward strangers.
00:49:18They are not wayward strangers.
00:49:20They are family.
00:49:24You guys gave up on me, didn't you?
00:49:26Oh. No.
00:49:28We just realized you weren't cut out for stardom.
00:49:31So once you labeled me a failure,
00:49:36you just went out and found a couple of replacements.
00:49:38No. We didn't want to put any more pressure on you.
00:49:42Pressure? Oh.
00:49:44All right, so the first time you see me after all these years
00:49:46and say, are you having any progress
00:49:48getting your name in lights,
00:49:50that's not putting any pressure on me.
00:49:52What your father meant to say was...
00:49:54Time to go, Felix.
00:49:56Oh, don't leave like this. Bob, Bernie, say something.
00:49:59Hey, Mr. Marcus. Thanks for the sneakers.
00:50:01I really love them.
00:50:02Are they a good fit?
00:50:03Oh, fit like a glove.
00:50:04They actually gave me, like, 5 inches on my vertical.
00:50:06Want to see? Sure.
00:50:13Really nice.
00:50:15I gotta go.
00:50:27That's good.
00:50:34I guess Thomas Wolfe was right, huh?
00:50:36We can never go home again.
00:50:40I guess.
00:50:42Buck up, Marcus.
00:50:44You can't let no dipshit stand in your way.
00:50:46You want it, go get it.
00:51:04Oh, my God.
00:51:34Did you see that?
00:51:40This is great, this is great.
00:51:42I told you that.
00:51:44Smith didn't know what the hell he was doing.
00:51:46Time for a little hike, mates.
00:51:53Smile.
00:51:57Smith.
00:51:59Hey.
00:52:04Smith, so how's our chances looking?
00:52:07Felix, they're as good as being dealt
00:52:09a straight flush in five-card poker.
00:52:18Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?
00:52:22A coraphobia.
00:52:24A coraphobia?
00:52:26A coraphobia, you asshole.
00:52:28I have a fear of wide open spaces.
00:52:31How are you gonna walk with us
00:52:33if you have a fear of wide open spaces?
00:52:35There's nothing around us for miles.
00:52:37Exactly.
00:52:39Wow, you got a lot of problems.
00:52:41Anger issues, eating disorder, and now you...
00:52:43That's why I'm at Montgomery, you dickwad.
00:52:48Look, we got a problem.
00:52:50He's got a fear of wide open spaces.
00:52:52A coraphobia?
00:52:54No, no, no.
00:52:56Hey, hey, hey.
00:52:58Lance.
00:53:04What?
00:53:10No.
00:53:22Still thinking about wide open spaces, my dear pussy?
00:53:29Hey.
00:53:31Wait.
00:53:33Smith, wait.
00:53:35Stop walking.
00:53:37You can't just go off by yourself.
00:53:39We have a rendezvous in precisely two hours.
00:53:41I can't wait for pussy.
00:53:43No, whatever happened to your credo, leave no man behind.
00:53:45Step aside.
00:53:47I've no time for rank amateurs.
00:53:49Stop wasting time.
00:53:51Now move your bloody arse.
00:53:53Bloody arse?
00:53:55Let me ask you a question, I'm curious.
00:53:57Are you an American?
00:53:59I am red, white, and blue all the way through, Felix.
00:54:02I've dedicated my entire life to this one defining moment.
00:54:05Right here, right now.
00:54:08Time to avenge 9-11.
00:54:11Screw this!
00:54:13Screw this.
00:54:15Hey, where do you think you're going?
00:54:18Larry!
00:54:20What is going on around here?
00:54:23Now it's every man for himself?
00:54:25I cannot handle another failure!
00:54:30Failure?
00:54:37What the hell do you know about failure?
00:54:40Unlike you, men to defectives,
00:54:43I was normal.
00:54:45I used to be a Wall Street broker.
00:54:48I had a beautiful wife,
00:54:50kids,
00:54:52a house in the suburbs.
00:54:55Just out of the blue,
00:54:57I get laid off.
00:55:00So, Barrett, losing your job is not the end of the world?
00:55:02No!
00:55:03It's your wife suddenly bailing out on you
00:55:05because you can't give her the life
00:55:07that she's used to anymore.
00:55:09It is her falsely accusing you of assault
00:55:12because she trips over your foot on the way out.
00:55:15It's the cops
00:55:17leading you out of your house in handcuffs.
00:55:21All your kids are frantic, crying,
00:55:24Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
00:55:28Take it from me, Marcus.
00:55:31There comes a point in everyone's life
00:55:33where you have got to take a hard look
00:55:35and see the reality around you
00:55:39and take matters into your own hands.
00:55:42Oh, Barrett.
00:55:47After all,
00:55:49if you want to do something right,
00:55:51you've got to do it yourself.
00:55:53No! No, Barrett!
00:55:55No, Barrett!
00:55:57Barrett, give me the gun!
00:55:59Give me the gun! Get a hold of yourself!
00:56:01I'm gonna kill you!
00:56:03No!
00:56:05No!
00:56:20Come on.
00:56:39It's okay.
00:56:45Hey, Barrett, I can't get you.
00:56:48Hey. Hey.
00:56:57Gentlemen,
00:56:59a car will be traveling down that road for a house call.
00:57:02Our objective is to stop the car,
00:57:04apprehend the doctor and the nurse,
00:57:06and terminate all others.
00:57:09Terminate? You mean...
00:57:11What, you mean they kill?
00:57:15Let's build a little roadblock.
00:57:19Oh, this is sharp.
00:57:21Someone could get hurt.
00:57:26Someone's coming.
00:57:28Laces?
00:57:48Let's go.
00:58:15Keep an eye on the doctor.
00:58:18Okay.
00:58:49That's unfortunate.
00:58:51What's wrong?
00:58:53Didn't I tell you to keep an eye on the doctor?
00:58:55We did.
00:58:57What, did you want us to stop him, too?
00:59:08Put this on.
00:59:10What for?
00:59:12You're going to be his nurse.
00:59:14Me?
00:59:17Me?
00:59:23You want to be famous, don't you?
00:59:27Besides, I'm the wrong gender and skin tone.
00:59:32What? Oh, excuse me, Terrace.
00:59:34Well, what about me?
00:59:36I have you covered.
00:59:41Put this on.
00:59:44Human hair.
00:59:46I'll take care of your complexion.
01:00:14You'll need to hide this on your person.
01:00:18Hide it where? I don't have any pockets.
01:00:21Um, makes a cozy place.
01:00:26You want me to put the thing in...
01:00:32It's really big. How do you suppose I...
01:00:44Whoo, whoo, whoo.
01:00:55Keep in mind, Felix, one fart gets us all killed.
01:01:01I'll take an exterior position.
01:01:03Pussy, you stay here and stop the doctor should you need to.
01:01:06Stop? Stop how?
01:01:08By any means necessary.
01:01:10Whatever you do, keep it quiet.
01:01:14All right.
01:01:45No.
01:02:01Okay.
01:02:03Okay.
01:02:14Ow.
01:02:44Oh, shit.
01:03:15Oh, shit.
01:03:29Yeah, that.
01:03:44Okay.
01:04:04Oh, shit. I fell asleep.
01:04:10Move. What's this for?
01:04:13I don't know.
01:04:44Oh, shit.
01:04:48Wait, wait, wait.
01:04:55Ow.
01:04:57Shit.
01:05:14Shit.
01:05:24Move.
01:05:32Just shot that guy.
01:05:37Payback's a bitch, isn't it?
01:05:43Huh?
01:06:04Nice shot, Felix.
01:06:13Oh, shit.
01:06:25We got him.
01:06:29We got him.
01:06:31Fucking A, we got him.
01:06:34We got him?
01:06:36Dude, we got him.
01:06:40I'm famous.
01:06:42Yeah, you poor sack of shit.
01:06:44You're famous. We're all famous.
01:06:48Yes!
01:06:50Okay.
01:06:52So, what do we do now?
01:06:57It's over.
01:07:00I know, dipshit. What do we do now?
01:07:02What do you mean, what do we do?
01:07:05How do we get him out of here?
01:07:07Do we call the newspaper? The FBI?
01:07:10Do we have the number for the FBI?
01:07:12Looks like a good time to tidy up a bit.
01:07:15Let's go.
01:07:21Shit.
01:07:24Wait.
01:07:28Wait. Where are you going? We can't just leave him up there.
01:07:31Have you even thought of an exit strategy?
01:07:35Uh...
01:07:38You don't have an exit strategy?
01:07:43Smith, can I use your phone?
01:07:47Ah.
01:07:49Smith, the phone works better when it's out of your pocket.
01:07:52I know, pussy. Unfortunately, my phone needs a charge.
01:07:56We just killed the most wanted man on the earth.
01:07:59And now we can't share with anybody because we don't have any battery power?
01:08:04Uh...
01:08:06I guess we could wrap him up in some sheets and then carry him outside
01:08:10and maybe try and get a taxi?
01:08:15You're an asshole.
01:08:17You think that we can just waltz out of here with that fucker and hail a taxi?
01:08:21You don't deserve to be famous!
01:08:24You can stop now!
01:08:26What?
01:08:29Who are you?
01:08:31Well done, Smith.
01:08:33You've done your country proud.
01:08:35Well, the hunters have become the hunted.
01:08:38Burn these words to your brain.
01:08:40Shut the fuck up!
01:08:45Ah.
01:09:02Sorry, Bob.
01:09:15Oh.
01:09:26You're back.
01:09:28Where have you been?
01:09:30Well, we got out.
01:09:32I know. What happened?
01:09:39Nothing.
01:09:41You know, I don't think I want to be a household name anymore.
01:09:45Well, that's progress.
01:09:48A good friend of mine, he once said,
01:09:52it comes a time where you have to take a good, hard look at the reality around you.
01:09:59Everyone's always telling me that I'm average.
01:10:04But I think I'm okay with it.
01:10:12So do you want to be famous?
01:10:19Nobody's ever asked me that before.
01:10:24I am.
01:10:28I just think I want to be happy.
01:10:32Marcus!
01:10:35Group therapy.
01:10:42Okay.
01:11:05Patient is contemplating eating his feelings.
01:11:11Hey.
01:11:25Well, boys.
01:11:27How does it feel to be back in your natural habitat?
01:11:31Hey, I know you.
01:11:33You're Agent Mustang, the president's right-hand man.
01:11:36Guys, do you know who this is?
01:11:38This is the man who single-handedly took down Osama...
01:11:44Shit.
01:11:46Looks like a light bulb just went on.
01:11:49Well, I believe Mr. Marx's recent epiphany is deeply rooted in overcoming his family's psychological...
01:11:54You must be the illustrious Dr. Phil, I presume.
01:11:59Why, yes. My reputation seems to perceive me.
01:12:04If I may.
01:12:06Please allow me to offer you a small token of my gratitude
01:12:11for your advanced intellect and unique insight.
01:12:17Why, I'd be honored.
01:12:27Oh, come on.
01:12:29You can't fight pure genius.
01:12:31I knew that when Smith got out, he would lead you right to jackpot.
01:12:35It was as easy as taking candy from a baby.
01:12:38You won't get away with this shit.
01:12:40Oh, but I already have.
01:12:42When you boys took bin Laden down,
01:12:44the legacy of our president remained intact.
01:12:49And as for yours truly...
01:12:52Well, I get to remain unbelievably famous.
01:12:58The fact is that we killed bin Laden, and nothing's ever going to change that.
01:13:03Oh, true.
01:13:05But it really doesn't matter, does it?
01:13:08You see, what your deranged friend over there never understood
01:13:13is that I'm the guy in charge.
01:13:16You know what that means?
01:13:18It means you're a fucking prick?
01:13:20No.
01:13:22It means that you all better get real comfortable in here.
01:13:25Because I'm going to make sure you spend the rest of your worthless lives
01:13:28drugged up in this asylum.
01:13:30You can't do this! We are...
01:13:34My, oh, my.
01:13:37Such pent-up anger.
01:13:40Guess I'll have to prescribe a little electroshock therapy
01:13:43for you and your friends.
01:13:49As for Smith...
01:13:51I'm going to work up a special cocktail
01:13:55to bring him down permanently.
01:14:00What goes around, comes around.
01:14:02I'll keep thinking that, Mr. Marcus.
01:14:05Keep thinking.
01:14:07Who knows?
01:14:09Maybe you boys will get lucky again,
01:14:11and Smith will help you find Elvis.
01:14:16The king?
01:14:18The king?
01:14:28I know where he is.
01:14:31You know where who is?
01:14:38Elvis Presley.
01:14:48Elvis Presley.
01:15:18Elvis Presley.
01:15:20Elvis Presley.
01:15:22Elvis Presley.
01:15:24Elvis Presley.
01:15:26Elvis Presley.
01:15:28Elvis Presley.
01:15:30Elvis Presley.
01:15:32Elvis Presley.
01:15:34Elvis Presley.
01:15:36Elvis Presley.
01:15:38Elvis Presley.
01:15:40Elvis Presley.
01:15:42Elvis Presley.
01:15:44Elvis Presley.
01:15:46Elvis Presley.
01:15:48Elvis Presley.
01:15:50Elvis Presley.
01:15:52Elvis Presley.
01:15:54Elvis Presley.
01:15:56Elvis Presley.
01:15:58Elvis Presley.
01:16:00Elvis Presley.
01:16:02Elvis Presley.
01:16:04Elvis Presley.
01:16:06Elvis Presley.
01:16:08Elvis Presley.
01:16:10Elvis Presley.
01:16:12Elvis Presley.
01:16:14Elvis Presley.
01:16:16Elvis Presley.
01:16:18Elvis Presley.
01:16:20Elvis Presley.
01:16:22Elvis Presley.
01:16:24Elvis Presley.
01:16:26Elvis Presley.
01:16:28Elvis Presley.
01:16:30Elvis Presley.
01:16:32Elvis Presley.
01:16:34Elvis Presley.
01:16:36Elvis Presley.
01:16:38Elvis Presley.
01:16:40Elvis Presley.
01:16:42The Older Elvis.
01:16:46The Older Elvis.
01:16:52The Older Elvis.
01:17:00The Older Elvis.
01:17:06The Older Elvis.
01:17:12The Older Elvis.
01:17:14The Older Elvis.
01:17:16The Older Elvis.
01:17:18The Older Elvis.
01:17:20The Older Elvis.
01:17:22The Older Elvis.
01:17:24The Older Elvis.
01:17:26The Older Elvis.
01:17:28The Older Elvis.
01:17:30The Older Elvis.
01:17:32The Older Elvis.
01:17:34The Older Elvis.
01:17:36The Older Elvis.
01:17:38The Older Elvis.
01:17:40You