- 5/16/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Hi. Come on in. Thanks for coming back.
00:03Okay, there have been a lot of people interested in the room,
00:06but I have narrowed it down, and you are one of the finalists.
00:09Great. Okay, now, before I make my decision,
00:12I just want to make sure that our personalities match.
00:15Okay, so I made up a little test.
00:17Now, I'm going to say a word,
00:19and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.
00:21I can do that. Okay, here we go.
00:24Pillow. Fight.
00:26Very good.
00:26Okay. G.
00:30String.
00:31Excellent.
00:34Okay. Um...
00:36Doggy.
00:40Kitten.
00:41Oh, sorry.
00:44No, no, no.
00:45So close, though, but...
00:47Okay, bye-bye.
00:50Oh, here it is.
00:52Oh, Joey, why did you sign it, son of a bitch?
00:56I didn't do that. Who would have done that?
01:00Son of a bitch.
01:02Okay, maybe ask this guy.
01:04You.
01:05Get out of my shop.
01:06What did he do?
01:08He went out with my wife.
01:09Joey?
01:10Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:11Whoa, hey, I did not go out with your wife.
01:14Okay, I went out with her.
01:17That's my wife.
01:18Get out.
01:19I don't want someone to go out with her.
01:21We should go out with my wife.
01:22I don't want someone.
01:23Well, we should go.
01:24Yeah.
01:25Hey.
01:25Hey, how's it going?
01:27Did you make any new friends?
01:28Yeah, yeah, I met this woman.
01:31Hey, whoa, whoa.
01:33What's she like?
01:35Uh, well, she's...
01:37really good in bed.
01:40Joey, I thought you were going to try to be friends first.
01:42Well, look, hey, it's all your fault.
01:44What?
01:44Why?
01:45Because you didn't give me advice.
01:47No, you gave me a pickup line.
01:49As soon as I told her I wanted to, you know,
01:50build a foundation and be friends first,
01:53I suddenly, through no fault of my own,
01:55became irresistible to her.
01:59And a roommate.
02:02What about the closeness?
02:05Closeness, schmoseness.
02:06There was three of us, for crying out loud.
02:11Nice car.
02:12Yeah, it's, uh, it's not mine.
02:15I love your car.
02:18Yeah, it's mine.
02:21I bet it's fast.
02:23Me too, yeah.
02:25And comfortable.
02:26Do you, uh, you like leather seats?
02:29Yeah.
02:32It's got them.
02:38Yeah, she tops out at 130.
02:40Wow.
02:41And that's just in the city.
02:42I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.
02:45Really?
02:46You got a place upstate?
02:48Sure.
02:51Oh, I'll see you later.
02:52Okay, take it easy.
02:55Hey.
02:57That's my car.
02:58Really?
02:59Oh, uh,
03:00but just give me five more minutes, will it?
03:04What are you doing?
03:05Oh, well, I, uh, I found the keys,
03:07and now I'm just polishing her up.
03:09But it's my car.
03:11Yeah, but it's my wax.
03:14Listen, I, I don't come to this city much,
03:16and I don't know if you're crazy
03:18or if this is some kind of street theater,
03:20but could I have my keys?
03:23Sure.
03:24Yeah.
03:25I'll, uh, I'll save your parking spot.
03:26I'm not coming back.
03:28Why not?
03:29I live upstate.
03:31Yeah, so did I.
03:38So the Porsche guy took his car back.
03:44But you found the keys to his clothes?
03:48No, I just, uh,
03:50I just love the way it feels
03:51when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.
03:53And people would think you own a Porsche
03:54because you're wearing the clothes?
03:55Of course.
03:56Only an idiot would wear this stuff
03:59if you didn't have the car, right?
04:04That is true.
04:07Yeah, but only a genius
04:08would swallow a sonic blaster gun.
04:11Oh, I've been there.
04:15I am gonna go drive my Porsche.
04:18Joey, you know you don't actually have one.
04:21Come on, what are you doing?
04:22I'm in character.
04:23Will you talk to her?
04:26Hey, hey, hey, careful.
04:28Around my Porsche.
04:32Hi, Joey.
04:33Hey.
04:34How you doing?
04:36He has the most amazing Porsche under there.
04:39I'd love to show you,
04:40but I just tucked her in.
04:42She's sleeping.
04:44Hey, uh, would you two girls
04:45like to go for a drink?
04:50Please help me.
04:52I have a date tonight.
04:53It has to go well, okay?
04:54I'm scared for my health.
04:56Okay, okay.
04:57Oh, I got something.
05:00Okay, it's this story
05:00that I came up with.
05:02Very romantic.
05:03I swear, any woman that hears it,
05:04they're like putty.
05:05Really?
05:06Well, then tell it to me.
05:07Okay.
05:09Now, you're gonna want to have sex with me
05:10when you hear it,
05:11but you have to remember,
05:13it is just the story.
05:15I'll try to control myself.
05:20Okay.
05:23Years ago,
05:24when I was backpacking
05:25across Western Europe...
05:26You were backpacking
05:28across Western Europe?
05:29Have a nice six more months, Ross.
05:30Okay, okay.
05:32Okay.
05:33I'm sorry.
05:33Please, please.
05:34You were in Western Europe,
05:36and...
05:37I was just outside of Barcelona,
05:42hiking in the foothills
05:43of Mount Tibidabo.
05:47I was at the end of this path,
05:49and I came to a clearing,
05:51and there was a lake,
05:52very secluded,
05:54and there were tall trees
05:55all around.
05:57It was dead silent.
05:59Gorgeous.
05:59And across the lake,
06:02I saw a beautiful woman
06:04bathing herself.
06:06But she was crying.
06:11Why?
06:16Hi again.
06:18Hey.
06:24Hey.
06:25Thank you so much.
06:27Oh, don't thank me.
06:28Thank the jerk
06:29that never showed up.
06:31Okay.
06:31I gotta get to work.
06:34You want some help with that?
06:35Oh, no, thanks.
06:36I got it.
06:36Oh, no, I don't.
06:37Whoa.
06:39Okay.
06:40Yeah.
06:41Whew.
06:42I stood up too fast.
06:43Got a little head rush.
06:46The heat.
06:51And the humidity.
06:55That's a, uh...
06:56That's a tough combination.
06:58Do you want to come in
07:04for some lemonade?
07:06Like you wouldn't believe.
07:10Oh.
07:13Wow.
07:14This is a great place.
07:16Oh.
07:19Just make yourself comfortable.
07:22Gotcha.
07:23So this place is really my grandmother's.
07:32I got it from her when she moved to Florida.
07:35Otherwise, I could never afford a place like this.
07:42So if the landlord ever asks,
07:44I'm an 87-year-old woman who's afraid of her VCR.
07:46You thirsty?
07:48Oh, you bet I am.
07:52Okay.
07:52Here's your penis.
07:53Oh, my God.
08:00What the hell are you doing?
08:02You said you want to come in for some lemonade.
08:05So?
08:08Yeah.
08:08Wow.
08:09Were you just going to give me lemonade?
08:10Yeah.
08:10Uh-huh.
08:12Cover yourself up.
08:14Oh, right.
08:15Sorry.
08:15I can't believe this.
08:17I mean, someone asked you in for lemonade,
08:19and to you that means they want to have sex?
08:21Um, usually.
08:22Yeah.
08:22Well, it's not just lemonade.
08:24Iced tea.
08:25Sometimes juice.
08:26I'm sorry.
08:30I just thought you liked me.
08:33Such a jerk.
08:36It's okay.
08:39I suppose it could happen to anyone.
08:41Not anyone I know, but...
08:45By the way, I can still see it.
08:51Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about,
08:53you know, the three of us?
08:55Yes.
08:56Vividly.
08:57She was kidding about that, right?
08:59Yeah, I think so.
09:06Yeah, I think so.
09:08God, it'd be weird if that situation presented itself tonight, huh?
09:12Yeah.
09:13Yeah, I mean, uh...
09:15Well, what will we do?
09:20Dude, I don't know.
09:21She was kidding.
09:25Yeah.
09:25She was...
09:26But you know what?
09:27Just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.
09:30Yeah, for sure.
09:31Okay.
09:32Probably want the first one to be,
09:34never open your eyes.
09:37You know?
09:38Because you don't want to be doing something,
09:40and then look up.
09:43Right?
09:44And see something that you don't want to be seeing.
09:46Yeah, good call.
09:49Nice.
09:49Hold it.
09:50Hold it.
09:52What if my eyes are closed,
09:55and...
09:55and my hand is out there?
09:59Ah, okay.
10:01Eyes open at all times.
10:05Oh, hey.
10:06How do we decide where we...
10:09You know, each would...
10:12You know...
10:13Be.
10:16Right.
10:16Right.
10:17Well, you know, we could flip for it.
10:19Yeah, I guess.
10:20But, like, what's heads and what's tails?
10:24Well, if you don't know that,
10:26then I don't want to do this with you.
10:27Sorry, we're on a major flan high.
10:41Oh, no.
10:42No, you're not supposed to be here.
10:44Because it's the staging area.
10:45You should...
10:46It's all wrong.
10:46You should leave.
10:48You know.
10:49Just get out.
10:53Hey!
10:53Or perhaps you'd like a creme de mimp.
11:03Have to be heading toward my chateau.
11:05Oh, all right.
11:06Well, then I guess we're going back
11:07into the hallway again.
11:08Thanks for coming, Mrs. Green.
11:20Oh, okay.
11:21Hey, you take care.
11:28Oh, you kids.
11:33Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
11:40Well, what people don't understand
11:42is that acting is a discipline.
11:44It takes a lot of hard work.
11:46So where'd you study?
11:47Oh, I didn't go to college.
11:49No, where'd you study acting?
11:51Molly, people don't study acting.
11:58Molly, uh, do you mind giving us just a minute?
12:02Sure.
12:02I'll go check on Emma.
12:03Thanks.
12:06Will the stable boy never get the princess?
12:10So what?
12:10What do you think you were going to do, huh?
12:11Have sex with her right here on my couch?
12:14No.
12:14The leather sticks to my ass.
12:19You know, this isn't fair.
12:20What makes you think that I'm just going to sleep with her
12:22and then blow her off, huh?
12:24Can't you guys open your minds
12:25to the possibility that I actually like her
12:28and might want something real?
12:31Look, the truth is,
12:33I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel.
12:36Okay?
12:37I didn't think I could ever love again.
12:41Come on!
12:46You don't have to stop having fun
12:47just because I'm here.
12:49Kathy didn't cheat on all of you.
12:50Well, except you.
13:04Hey, Joey,
13:05I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone.
13:07I mean, it's only been two days
13:08since you broke up with Kathy.
13:09Maybe you can go fishing next week.
13:11Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now.
13:12He's still in his sweatpants.
13:14That's only phase one.
13:16You know, I'll be back for phase two.
13:19I would never miss phase two.
13:21What's phase two?
13:22Getting drunk and going to a strip club.
13:26How does going to a strip club make him better?
13:29There are naked ladies there.
13:32Oh, and it helps him get to phase three,
13:33picturing yourself with other women.
13:35There are naked ladies there, too.
13:36Yeah.
13:39Would you give me one minute, please?
13:41Sorry, honey.
13:42I'm just having a rough day.
13:44Oh, what's wrong?
13:45Oh, you really just don't want to hear about it.
13:48Then why did I ask?
13:49Okay.
13:50It's just, I mean, this is really embarrassing.
13:52But lately, with this whole pregnancy thing,
13:55I'm just finding myself...
13:57How do I put this?
14:00Um...
14:01erotically charged.
14:05Is that college talk for horny?
14:09Yeah.
14:11So, you know, I have all of these feelings,
14:13and I don't know what to do about them
14:15because I can't date like a normal person,
14:16which is fine because I don't need a relationship.
14:18I mean, all I really want is one great night.
14:22Just sex, you know?
14:23No strings attached.
14:24No relationship.
14:26Just someone that I feel comfortable with
14:28and who knows what he's doing.
14:30Just one great night.
14:32I mean, is that really so hard...
14:35to find.
14:45So, how was your day?
14:47It was good.
14:48I, uh, I saw a pretty big pigeon.
14:56Well, I gotta get up early,
14:57and it's almost 7 o'clock, so...
14:59I gotta throw it in my room, too.
15:01Okay, good night.
15:02Good night.
15:06I can't do it!
15:08I didn't ask you to do it!
15:09You're Rachel!
15:10You're Joey!
15:11You're my friend!
15:12Right back at ya!
15:13Yeah.
15:14Plus, it would be wrong,
15:15and weird, and, and, and, and bad.
15:17It's so bad!
15:19I don't even know what you're talking about
15:20because I didn't ask you to do anything.
15:21I know!
15:29You wanna do it?
15:33No!
15:33I mean, either!
15:34I'm just testing you!
15:35Hey, well, that's the end of this conversation!
15:38This conversation never happened!
15:39Never happened!
15:40Good night!
15:41Good night!
15:49Get back in there!
15:59Very funny, Ross!
16:02Very lifelike and funny!
16:04Okay.
16:07Oh, no, no, no, no!
16:08I wasn't waving at you, lady!
16:12Whoa!
16:13Maybe I was!
16:14Hey, Monica!
16:16This totally hot girl in Ross's building
16:17is flirting with me!
16:18Get in there, man!
16:20Flirt back!
16:20Mix it up!
16:22Yeah, I'm down with that!
16:27Okay, here goes!
16:27How
16:30you
16:32are doing!
16:38It worked!
16:39She's waving me over!
16:40Okay, I'll be right over!
16:42Let's see, she's on the third floor.
16:45Wow!
16:45She is pretty, huh?
16:47Tell me about it, huh?
16:49Oh, no, no!
16:50No, no, no!
16:51I'm not with her!
16:52No, that's just Monica!
16:54Yeah!
16:5585.
16:56What do you mean?
16:57Yesterday you said
16:58I was too pretty
16:58to pay for stuff.
16:59It's just I can't
17:00because my manager
17:01said that I...
17:03happy birthday to you
17:07happy birthday to you
17:10happy birthday, dear Annie
17:13Amy
17:13Amy
17:14happy birthday to you
17:18Hey!
17:19Hey!
17:19That's weird!
17:20Today's my birthday, too!
17:21Yeah, not in here it isn't.
17:25Happy birthday to you
17:28You're paying for that.
17:32No, no, no, it's her birthday!
17:34You've sung happy birthday
17:35to 20 different women today.
17:37But it really...
17:38You are no longer authorized
17:39to distribute birthday muffins.
17:42Damn it!
17:43What are you doing here?
17:46Berk, berk, berk, berk...
17:47Are you friends with him?
17:53I can explain.
17:56Joey?
17:58Uh, okay, uh...
18:01Oh, yeah.
18:05You have got some nerve
18:07coming back here.
18:09I can't believe you never called me.
18:11Excuse me?
18:12Oh, yeah.
18:13Probably don't even remember my name.
18:15It's Joey, by the way.
18:17And don't bother telling me yours
18:18because I totally remember it.
18:19Lady.
18:23Yeah.
18:24I waited weeks for you to call me.
18:25I gave you my number.
18:27You never called me.
18:28No, no, don't try to turn this around on me.
18:30Okay?
18:30I am not some kind of social work.
18:34Okay?
18:34That you could just...
18:36do.
18:40Well, I'm pretty sure
18:42I gave you my number.
18:43Really?
18:44Think about it.
18:44Come on.
18:45You're a beautiful woman.
18:47Smart.
18:48Funny.
18:49Had a really good time.
18:50Huh?
18:53If I had your number,
18:54why wouldn't I call you?
18:56I don't know.
18:59Well, maybe I'm wrong.
19:01I'm sorry.
19:01No, no.
19:02Hey, too late for apologies.
19:04Okay?
19:05You broke my heart.
19:07You know how many women
19:07I had to sleep with
19:08to get over you?
19:13Joey, wait.
19:14No!
19:15I waited a long time.
19:17I can't wait anymore.
19:18I'm sorry that you had to see that.
19:24I'm so embarrassed.
19:25Oh, that's really okay.
19:26Yeah, then we totally understand.
19:29Dating is hard.
19:30Boy, you people are nice.
19:34And I've got to say,
19:36I think you're going to make
19:37excellent parents.
19:39Laura!
19:39Laura!
19:40Laura!
19:40Laura!
19:44Laura!
19:44Laura!
19:44Laura!
19:44Laura!
19:45Laura!
19:45Laura!
19:45Laura!
19:46Laura!
19:46Laura!
19:46Laura!
19:46Laura!
19:47Laura!
19:47Laura!
19:48Laura!
19:48Laura!
19:48Laura!
19:48Laura!
19:49Laura!
19:49Laura!
19:49Laura!
19:50Laura!
19:51Laura!
19:52Laura!
19:53Laura!
19:54Laura!
19:55Laura!
19:56Laura!
19:57Laura!
19:58Laura!
19:59Laura!
20:00Laura!
20:01Laura!
20:01Laura!
20:02Laura!
20:03Laura!
20:03Laura!
20:04Laura!
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