Charli XCX, a pop star in quarantine, embarks on a whirlwind journey making an album in 40 days that tests her creative and emotional limits and unites a global community of vulnerable LGBTQ+ fans.
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00:00:00It's so draining.
00:00:28Not really seeing anybody, it's just like, I hate it.
00:00:32You don't realize how often you crave human touch.
00:00:39It's been really tough, it's been really hard.
00:00:44It made me realize how much I miss that emotional connection I have with people in real life.
00:00:51I never knew how much I needed people around me to feel alive.
00:00:55I just, I miss my old life.
00:01:01The world that we live in now feels so different.
00:01:06And it feels like with this new climate brings a new way of creating.
00:01:26In 2019, I was kicking off my first headline tour for my album Charlie.
00:01:36I felt like I was finally in control of every aspect of my career.
00:01:42We're day two of rehearsals, first show's tomorrow in Atlanta.
00:01:47It's all heating up, drama, drama, drama.
00:01:49What will I wear? What will it look like? Will I sound good?
00:01:53Yes, auto-tuned.
00:01:58When I started out at the age of 14, I was just sharing my music on MySpace.
00:02:02Song is everywhere, it's in all of our hits.
00:02:04I didn't have a concrete goal, I was just like, what's next?
00:02:08What can keep me inspired? What can keep me excited about what I'm creating?
00:02:13I want another creative high, and another one, and another one.
00:02:17Charlie is a singer, songwriter, entrepreneur.
00:02:23I'm never very present or in the moment because I'm always thinking about what's next.
00:02:30It's never enough.
00:02:34You know, like nothing is good enough.
00:02:46Even as I found success, I still felt lost and unfulfilled.
00:02:51I find it really hard to look back at my achievements and be proud of the things that I've done.
00:03:03It all takes a toll on my relationships, whether it be my relationship with my family, my friends,
00:03:10my relationship with my boyfriend, or really, my relationship with myself.
00:03:21In 2016, I released Vroom Vroom and I found support from this strong, proud LGBTQ plus audience.
00:03:30Their confidence really inspired my own confidence,
00:03:33and I began to understand who I was as a person and as an artist.
00:03:51I'd say the Angels are more like a family rather than like just a fan base.
00:03:55There's a large proportion of LGBT people,
00:03:59and then the other half are like allies here,
00:04:03and I feel like that's what makes Charlie's fan base quite special.
00:04:07So I kind of grew up being a lesbian,
00:04:10and I grew up being a lesbian, and I grew up being a lesbian,
00:04:13and I grew up being a lesbian, and I grew up being a lesbian,
00:04:16and that's what makes Charlie's fan base quite special.
00:04:19So I kind of grew up being very, very shy, kind of ashamed of my femininity.
00:04:25I didn't really feel welcomed.
00:04:28There aren't like many people that just get me.
00:04:31When I started to get into her fan base,
00:04:34I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.
00:04:36Everybody that's in her community of fans supports each other.
00:04:40Charlie used to be in one of the old group chats,
00:04:42and I remember there was a time where she was feeling down
00:04:45and she decided to, like, type it all out in a message
00:04:47and send it to the group chat.
00:04:50The fact that they were able to show me bravery,
00:04:53even if it was just, like, through an Instagram post
00:04:57or through a tweet or a simple comment,
00:05:00that made me feel like it was OK for me to be vulnerable
00:05:04because I felt so accepted by them.
00:05:12So I got there at, like, 5am to, like, camp out.
00:05:38Like, as soon as I got there, like, I saw one of my friends
00:05:41that I'd only known online up to that point,
00:05:43and she was just so sweet.
00:05:45She just, like, dropped everything, like, gave me a hug,
00:05:47was like, Ellen.
00:05:49And I just, like, immediately felt, like, so safe
00:05:52in that environment.
00:05:53Like, I saw her live in October,
00:05:56and I had a friend from Twitter actually get tickets
00:05:59to the Philadelphia show just so they could meet me.
00:06:01I think a show, like a Charlie show, for example,
00:06:04is, like, one of the only places
00:06:05where I was able to, like, meet with these people,
00:06:08meet my friends, have a space where we can be ourselves.
00:06:39Hey, this is some real cheesy shit right now.
00:07:07You know, I've been through so many different phases
00:07:10as an artist from, you know, starting out making an album
00:07:16that, like, nobody heard but was really good
00:07:19to making songs that were on the radio
00:07:22that lots of people heard,
00:07:24but nobody really knew they were by me.
00:07:27From doing, like, big TV shows and, like, being in the charts
00:07:31but realizing that it didn't make me happy.
00:07:34Um, and so then kind of changing my mind
00:07:39and doing exactly what the fuck I wanted.
00:07:44And the fact that...
00:07:46Oh my God, I'm fucking crying.
00:07:56The fact that I can stand up here
00:07:58and sing the songs that I've made
00:08:01because I wanted to make them,
00:08:02not even thinking if anybody else would like them
00:08:04or care about them,
00:08:05and that you guys care and you fucking showed up
00:08:11and you like me for me.
00:08:14That's really hard to do in the pop industry, you know?
00:08:18And I would not be here without you
00:08:21and I really, really, from the bottom of my heart,
00:08:23I thank you so fucking much.
00:08:24So thank you.
00:08:28Thank you to every single one of you.
00:08:42Hello!
00:08:45Hi.
00:08:47I'm okay.
00:08:48I'm okay.
00:08:51So I've been isolating, self-isolating for...
00:08:54This is my fifth day.
00:08:56What do you think about me becoming a chef?
00:09:03Ooh.
00:09:05I go in waves.
00:09:06Sometimes I'm like,
00:09:07this is so fun.
00:09:08Like, it feels like a snow day.
00:09:10We are gonna do a live art class.
00:09:15One, two, three.
00:09:19You should do as much as you can in 10 minutes
00:09:21so you keep your heart rate up really high.
00:09:22Okay, go to the left side.
00:09:25You're so good at this.
00:09:27Guys, this shit is really fucking hard.
00:09:31And then I kind of get a bit existential
00:09:34and that's when I get kind of sucked into this hole.
00:09:41My heart is like racing.
00:09:46I feel so anxious.
00:09:47I feel so anxious.
00:09:50Everyone being inside all the time,
00:09:52it's just kind of making the days blur into each other.
00:09:55I haven't seen any of my friends since March.
00:09:58It's been horrible.
00:09:59It's been, like, so lonely.
00:10:01It's been on my mind the whole time, really.
00:10:04Having so much time to, like, to do nothing,
00:10:07you get depressed, you get sad, you get anxious.
00:10:10So I'm a drag queen, so I love to party.
00:10:13But right now we're home and so I'm losing it.
00:10:16Because my drag is such a huge part of what I do
00:10:19and I haven't been able to express myself
00:10:22fully the way that I'm used to.
00:10:24I had events lined up and, you know,
00:10:26gigs and all of that was canceled.
00:10:28You know, I feel like part of me is kind of, like, missing.
00:10:33I feel like I really want this lockdown to end.
00:10:38I'm kind of just, like, flailing around, doing nothing.
00:10:41I need to be preoccupied.
00:10:44Everything today feels so overwhelming,
00:10:47like, just like a sensory overload.
00:10:51I'm upset.
00:10:58I'm going crazy.
00:11:01It's like a...
00:11:10I'm not beautiful.
00:11:13It's crazy.
00:11:26Hi.
00:11:27How's it going?
00:11:28So recording everything isn't recording everything in your life, it's all stuff, or like...
00:11:33You're, this is, I'm recording, I don't, there, there you go.
00:11:39Um, well, I had this idea I wanted to talk to you about.
00:11:44Okay, so I've decided, um, that during this time of self-isolation,
00:11:53I'm going to try and make an album.
00:11:55Recording myself, sending things back and forth to producers,
00:12:00it will be very much what I can do myself, I suppose.
00:12:06Is that too scary?
00:12:09Uh...
00:12:11Okay.
00:12:19I've got a load of equipment today.
00:12:22I'm going to start trying to test things tomorrow.
00:12:25Okay, so I open the, I pop the Logic file open.
00:12:28I can't get it going through the headphones, and I'm probably being really dumb.
00:12:33Oh, yeah, it's on the side. Okay.
00:12:36Input one.
00:12:38Woo! Okay, yeah.
00:12:41Yeah. Oh, I can hear it!
00:12:44Hello. Oh my God, I can hear myself. Sick.
00:12:47Hello!
00:12:50La, la, la, la, la, la.
00:12:53Okay, now it's back to the beginning.
00:12:55Masks are a must, and so is keeping close to home.
00:12:58We are extending the Safer at Home order until May 15th.
00:13:03Please stay home.
00:13:20Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:13:25Hi, everybody.
00:13:27Yes!
00:13:30Everybody's found me in the chat.
00:13:33Oh my gosh.
00:13:34Thank you so much for joining me.
00:13:38I wanted to make this announcement special.
00:13:40For me, my positivity goes hand in hand with being creative.
00:13:44I really need to be creative to feel happy
00:13:48and to feel comfortable and to make sure that my mental health
00:13:52is staying on track, and so that's why I've decided
00:13:56that I'm going to make a brand-new album
00:14:00during this quarantine period.
00:14:05I'm going to basically be making it live.
00:14:08I want to open up the entire process to all of you.
00:14:14I'm going to be sharing demos with you, acapellas with you.
00:14:18I'm going to ask you guys to help me make videos.
00:14:21The album is going to be called How I'm Feeling Now,
00:14:25and I'm going to set the release date for May 15th.
00:14:40We're starting from nothing.
00:14:42Hopefully it all works out.
00:14:57From all angles.
00:14:59What's happening?
00:15:01I'm cooking two pieces of bacon.
00:15:03Can I get this one side?
00:15:05The scoop, it's the scoop.
00:15:07We've got it.
00:15:10How many cameras have you got?
00:15:12We have three cameras.
00:15:14We're all going to be filming at all times
00:15:16so that maybe we can make something interesting.
00:15:29Listening to the first file that AJ sent me.
00:15:33He's in Montana, I'm in LA.
00:15:40All night I've got you on the telephone.
00:15:52I have to plug all this shit in.
00:15:55This is a mess.
00:16:00I'm listening to a palmistry beat.
00:16:03This is the idea that got sent to me.
00:16:10It's so good.
00:16:17Sometimes I do feel like it's good to look cute
00:16:21if you want to sound cute,
00:16:23but most of the time I kind of just look like trash.
00:16:29There is no way I'm comping this shit.
00:16:32I'm going to send it to AJ.
00:16:39Pull up on your body like it's a mess.
00:16:41Take my clothes off in the water.
00:16:43Set you down and get you wet like Hollywood.
00:16:45Also, I feel like I can't really sing at the moment.
00:16:49I sound crazy.
00:16:52It might also be the set-up.
00:16:57Yeah, you keep cutting in and out a little bit.
00:17:04Now I'm all alone at the party.
00:17:07If you saw my tears, would you...
00:17:10Now I'm feeling all alone.
00:17:16You got me hanging on at the party.
00:17:19Got me like that, got me like that.
00:17:22Oh, fuck.
00:17:24I can't.
00:17:25Oh, my God.
00:17:27How do I end this shit?
00:17:29I need to end this shit.
00:17:31Hello, everybody.
00:17:33It's me.
00:17:35Thank you for joining me.
00:17:39It's only day two, but I'm really enjoying
00:17:41this whole new album process,
00:17:44sharing everything with you guys.
00:17:46I wanted to tell you about this song idea
00:17:49that I've been working on.
00:17:51I feel like this whole album is going to be
00:17:53about my relationship with my partner.
00:17:55How do you feel today, Huck?
00:17:58I feel grateful for this hat.
00:18:01We've been in quarantine together
00:18:03alongside my two managers, who I also live with,
00:18:07and we went to school together, so it's kind of intense.
00:18:10Prior to quarantine, we were kind of, like,
00:18:12going through more of a difficult time.
00:18:15He lives in New York, I live in LA a lot of the time,
00:18:19and so obviously, like, distance is a real thing for us.
00:18:23When did you come to LA and where were you before?
00:18:27I came to LA exactly a month ago.
00:18:30What date?
00:18:32Friday the 13th.
00:18:34Dun-dun-dun!
00:18:36I know. It's bad.
00:18:38And where were you?
00:18:40New York City.
00:18:42Mm-hm.
00:18:44And where are you now?
00:18:46Los Angeles.
00:18:48At whose house?
00:18:50Charles.
00:18:52I'm at Atreson.
00:18:54Atreson?
00:18:57Do you know how to say it?
00:18:59I just said it weird.
00:19:01It's crazy, we've dated for seven years, on and off,
00:19:04but, like, the longest time we've ever spent together is 11 days.
00:19:09There are a lot of things that we needed to kind of talk about
00:19:12and kind of rescue in our relationship, I suppose.
00:19:17I feel like the tone of the album and a lot of the lyrics on the album
00:19:21are going to be about him.
00:19:25OK, one, I'm worried that the room is going to make everything sound bad.
00:19:33It's literally just, like, a mic like that.
00:19:36Hopefully it's just, like, the mic's the right level.
00:19:38I think there's a lot we can do with it, even sounding semi-lo-fi.
00:19:41Yeah, it should sound lo-fi. I mean, it will. It should.
00:19:45Yeah, OK, that would be kind of fun.
00:19:47I was thinking that too, anyway, like, more, yeah, yeah,
00:19:49like, borderline party tracks.
00:19:51No, I think we should, I mean, borderline,
00:19:53but also I think we should, like, go to the club.
00:19:56OK, but not, though. But not. Just stay in.
00:19:59Stay in. Stay in. Build your own club.
00:20:04I'm recording a second-verse idea for this idea
00:20:08that Dylan Brady and Danielle Hall sent me,
00:20:12and basically the song currently is kind of just about, like,
00:20:16missing my friends and actually just now
00:20:20I, like, really want to party.
00:20:22Oh, and I posted some of these lyrics online
00:20:24and people were like, these are so shit.
00:20:27Which I thought was funny, cos fuck everyone,
00:20:30they'll really like this when it comes out, cos it slaps.
00:20:34Ah, ah, ah, I'm bouncing under
00:20:37Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
00:20:40I'm living up a night with God
00:20:43Ah, ah, baby
00:20:45Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
00:20:48In the night
00:20:50Ah, ah, baby
00:20:52Don't you lie about the dark
00:20:54Ah, ah, baby
00:20:57Don't you lie about...
00:21:00Hello, hello, hello, hello.
00:21:03Um, I wanted to do this live
00:21:07cos I'm currently writing a new song
00:21:10and I need your help on some lyrics and stuff.
00:21:15Also, I'm struggling a bit today,
00:21:19like, my voice is in so much pain.
00:21:22I also just checked the countdown
00:21:24and realised I've got 24 days left to make this album
00:21:27and I'm kind of having a bit of a fucking freak out,
00:21:30if I'm honest.
00:21:32Um, but yeah, it'll be fine.
00:21:36Okay, so anyways, I wanna play you this, um, new idea.
00:21:44It's sick.
00:21:50Can you hear it?
00:21:58It's a banger. I love it.
00:22:00So that's the idea.
00:22:02That's the beat.
00:22:04This is the topline idea that I did.
00:22:10I love anthems, late nights, my friends, New York
00:22:23Someone's saying vocals are a bit rough though.
00:22:25Yeah, I'm fucking showing you my process, fool.
00:22:35So this is what I'm thinking, right?
00:22:37Ah, ah, ah, ah
00:22:39The days are whopping, ah, ah, ah, ah
00:22:42Go online shopping
00:22:44Fucking poet.
00:22:46No, not the days are whopping, like warping, like warping.
00:22:50The days are warping, for all my American fans.
00:22:53I'm so uninspired, I just wanna breathe
00:22:56Flowers in the trees
00:22:58Like, I wanna be outside
00:23:00And then like, break the rhyme, like
00:23:03Got some hands?
00:23:05Like, wanna hold someone's hand
00:23:07Someone said, going
00:23:11Morphing. There are days I'm morphing.
00:23:14Exhausting is good.
00:23:17These days I'm trolling.
00:23:21Oh, feel the heat of the bodies.
00:23:23Jean-Pierre, I like that.
00:23:27Okay, so this is the verse. Thank you for helping me write it.
00:23:30I'm gonna sing it one more time and then I'm done.
00:23:37Ah, ah, ah, ah
00:23:39These days exhausting, ah, ah, ah, ah
00:23:41Go online shopping
00:23:43I'm so uninspired, I just wanna breathe
00:23:45Flowers in the trees
00:23:47Stood on all my knees, got some hands to hold on to
00:23:50I get existential, that's so strange
00:23:53I hear no sounds when I'm shouting
00:23:56I just wanna go to parties
00:23:59I wanna feel the heat of all the bodies
00:24:03I wanna stay up all night
00:24:05Okay, well, guys, this is the first time I've ever done anything like this.
00:24:11Like, thank you for helping me.
00:24:13Okay, I'm gonna go now.
00:24:15Um, bye!
00:24:18Okay, so I just wrote lyrics for my fans online, which is cool.
00:24:25They had good ideas.
00:24:27Um, now I'm gonna record them.
00:24:33It's just so fun to be alone in your room and, like, put your headphones in and listen to the new stuff
00:24:38and just dance and, like, forget about it for three minutes.
00:24:47The fact that everybody is, as a community, listening to this, like, online at the same time,
00:24:53it's like you get to be there with everyone else.
00:24:55It's like a community hour.
00:25:03So, I posted three images online.
00:25:06I was leaning towards image number two,
00:25:09which it seems like you guys also were kind of leaning towards as well.
00:25:14Charli XCX with a brand new track called Forever.
00:25:17Charli's on the phone with us right now to talk us through the song.
00:25:20I need you guys to help me sending this stuff into Darren, who's editing it all together.
00:25:25I need you guys to help me sending this stuff into Darren, who's editing it all together.
00:25:37I'm ready for you guys.
00:25:54I love him. He's so hot, even with kind of a chin.
00:25:59Well, he doesn't really have a double chin at this moment.
00:26:03I wonder what he's thinking about.
00:26:09I like his moustache.
00:26:16Shut up! Shut up!
00:26:22No, no!
00:26:25Careful!
00:26:31I'm feeling a little bit nervous about the deadline that's approaching.
00:26:39I just got invited to ask a question and I look like shit,
00:26:43so this is going to be interesting.
00:26:47So, Colman. What's up, Colman? How are you?
00:26:52Hey, how are you, Charlie?
00:26:53I'm so good. You look so cute. Look at your room. It's so adorable.
00:26:58Thank you so much. I literally just woke up.
00:27:00How's your quarantine been going?
00:27:02You know, just being stuck with your own thoughts. It's hard.
00:27:07It was really bad for a little, but I was very anxious, very depressed.
00:27:11I don't know. I'm scared for the future.
00:27:13Like, what if I can't even go to college in the fall? You know, it's just...
00:27:18Hi, it's day whatever of quarantine.
00:27:22Meant to be here with my flatmate, but just before quarantine, he went home to his family.
00:27:30I've definitely felt lonely.
00:27:32I make music, like, in my bedroom, so I'm trying to do a remix of Claws right now,
00:27:36but I'm, like, scared because, like, I don't want to, like, mess it up.
00:27:41I started making some artworks.
00:27:44It gives me, like, something to do every day,
00:27:46so it feels like every day has, like, a purpose behind it.
00:27:50It's like a escape, almost.
00:27:55Mental health professionals are on alert for those having a difficult time
00:27:59under these extended stay-at-home orders during the pandemic.
00:28:0241 Action News reporter Dan Cohen...
00:28:04Hey, guys.
00:28:05Hello.
00:28:07How are you feeling now?
00:28:09I'm going to start journaling.
00:28:11Oh, writing?
00:28:13Yeah, I guess you guys call it journaling.
00:28:15We would call it, like, writing a diary.
00:28:17Yeah, that's nice.
00:28:19You need another creative outlet.
00:28:20What would the radio show, the album...
00:28:22The rock painting.
00:28:23The rock painting, the documentary.
00:28:25I know.
00:28:27My therapist said I have to do it.
00:28:29Oh, nice.
00:28:30It's supposed to help me process my thoughts.
00:28:35Yeah.
00:28:36And she said that because...
00:28:38You know my dad's adopted, right?
00:28:39Yeah.
00:28:40My therapist said that, like, anyone who experiences adoption
00:28:47experiences, even if it's very smooth,
00:28:50experiences this feeling of, like, unwantedness,
00:28:53like, deep within their core, like, from when they're born.
00:28:57And that that can be, like, passed on to their children
00:29:02because there's this continuous feeling of, like,
00:29:06not being good enough to be accepted.
00:29:10So that was kind of interesting.
00:29:13So that's why I have to journal.
00:29:15It's a long story about that.
00:29:16No, that's super, super interesting.
00:29:20Thank you for sharing that.
00:29:22Okay, so I am going to write a to-do list
00:29:30so that I don't feel unproductive tomorrow.
00:29:37Like, I've got serious issues with the way I handle my work
00:29:42and the way I depend on work to make me feel like I'm a good person.
00:29:51I don't think I'm pretty enough.
00:29:56I don't think I'm smart enough.
00:29:57I don't think I'm interesting enough or funny enough of a person
00:30:03to function without my work.
00:30:09I feel like my work and everything around it
00:30:12is what makes me different and interesting from people.
00:30:18And without it, I just feel like I'm nothing.
00:30:26Okay, recording over the outro for seven years.
00:30:33I really have to get over giving a fuck what I sound like.
00:30:42Okay, I'm gonna see if I can comp any of this
00:30:45and if not, I'll do a few more takes.
00:30:49Maybe even first two bits of take seven.
00:30:56Do you know that look inside my eyes means deep pain?
00:31:03It could be kind of interesting.
00:31:11Sick, love that.
00:31:14Okay, don't like that.
00:31:16What happens if we do something mad?
00:31:32I'm not gonna play the chorus,
00:31:33but the chorus kind of goes off to, yeah, that's it.
00:31:38That's where I'm at.
00:31:39I will post some stuff on main feed and then in the comments,
00:31:43maybe you can just like say, you know, what you think.
00:31:49I've got another idea for the video, a different idea.
00:31:53Which video?
00:31:54The claws video, you know, originally.
00:31:56Oh, just give me some.
00:31:57Yeah.
00:31:58This is literally a fucking disaster.
00:32:07Oh, I'm gonna fucking die making this.
00:32:11So forget about that for a second.
00:32:13Yeah.
00:32:13I was thinking it could be a cool idea to get a green screen.
00:32:19It could be a shit one.
00:32:21And two green suits, like body suits.
00:32:27I don't really want to do it.
00:32:28And then me and Huck are gonna just make out for like two minutes.
00:32:33And what could be cool is the fans can send stuff.
00:32:36Yeah.
00:32:36To go on the green screen as well.
00:32:38And it will just look like our heads are like floating.
00:32:40Oh, I love that.
00:32:45Sick.
00:32:46I want to go show Sam my outfit.
00:32:53Oh my God, look.
00:32:57It's like incredibly unflattering.
00:33:00What do they look like zipped up over your head?
00:33:02That's all they are.
00:33:04Obviously, we can't help ourselves.
00:33:07Do you not want to do it?
00:33:08No, I could do it.
00:33:09If you don't want to do it, just tell me and I'll think of a new idea.
00:33:16The last 28 years have told me anything, so I will enjoy it.
00:33:22Are you worried about wearing a green suit?
00:33:25No, I'm just worried about everything.
00:33:27There won't be anyone else in the room.
00:33:30We'll shoot it just you and me together on tripods and stuff.
00:33:34So neither of us feel weird.
00:33:39Let's shoot it and see what it looks like.
00:33:43Okay.
00:33:44This is our music video set.
00:33:56We made sure we recreated it exactly how they normally do with the E on Charlie,
00:34:02because everyone always spells my name wrong on videos.
00:34:07Take one.
00:34:14I have a question.
00:34:18Yeah.
00:34:19Should these lights be on?
00:34:20Yes.
00:34:24Oh, my gosh.
00:34:25Sorry, guys.
00:34:27So, yeah, we're shooting this video.
00:34:30And it's the first time me and Huck have shot a video together.
00:34:33And I think we're a good team.
00:34:35What do you think?
00:34:37Yeah, I carry stuff.
00:34:45Mm-hmm.
00:34:47How is it if I start like this?
00:34:50Does it look cool?
00:34:52Yeah.
00:35:02Hot.
00:35:14Hmm.
00:35:31Thanks, everybody, for being here.
00:35:33That's a wrap.
00:35:35Let's make some noise for number one and number two.
00:35:44Thank you to the directors.
00:35:48And lovely to work with you.
00:36:00So there's this dance that Charlie does in the first verse of the Cause music video.
00:36:06And I want to see if I can learn it and, like, film a video of me dancing to it.
00:36:11A lot of people don't have supportive parents or family that they're staying with at the moment.
00:36:17And that's, like, a really tough thing for them.
00:36:21Just having something to feel like they're a part of and to, like, contribute to and,
00:36:27like, talk about has definitely been, like, a really, like, great part of it.
00:36:31That was not good.
00:36:32That was attempt number one.
00:36:34Hi, Ronald.
00:36:35How are you?
00:36:36OK, so you're going to call me crazy, but I'm going to call you crazy.
00:36:40But I have this cool idea.
00:36:43I don't have that many friends in real life here where I live.
00:36:48People that surround me, they don't like the white dress or the music I listen to.
00:36:53I feel like they will never understand it.
00:36:56So basically, I want to draw a Charlie XCX virtual party.
00:37:01Wait, that's such a good idea.
00:37:03Virtual parties have had, like, a big impact on my life because
00:37:07those places didn't exist for me before.
00:37:10A bunch of, like, angels do DJ sets,
00:37:12and they're going to, like, be playing their own mixes of Charlie songs.
00:37:16I really want people to come.
00:37:40Guys, we have a special guest.
00:37:45Charlie is in the room.
00:37:47Charlie, is it actual Charlie or just someone joining as Charlie?
00:37:51No, it is Charlie.
00:37:52Oh, my God.
00:37:52Oh, my God.
00:37:56Well, hello, Miss Charlie.
00:37:58Love you.
00:37:59You guys want to hear a demo?
00:38:01This is a secret.
00:38:02Don't tell anyone.
00:38:03But I made, like, a new version of Kleenex.
00:38:06She's so excited.
00:38:09What?
00:38:10Charlie is here.
00:38:12She's fucking here.
00:38:36How long do you think you'll wear a mask for?
00:39:03I think definitely, especially if I go back to New York.
00:39:08Have you had any more updates on that?
00:39:11Uh, I think it'll open up again soon, our office,
00:39:15but they're gonna, like, stagger everyone.
00:39:19Since I'm, like, events, we're, like, pretty low on the totem pole.
00:39:27So I may be stuck with you for a while.
00:39:33How do you feel about that?
00:39:36Be weird when you leave.
00:39:39If you leave.
00:39:46Even though I know I'm a good person, I guess, like, deep, like, within me,
00:39:55I seem to think I'm a really bad person.
00:40:00And it's kind of a tough journey to be on whilst you're around a lot of people.
00:40:12Hello.
00:40:14Hi.
00:40:16Hi, I'm good.
00:40:17How are you?
00:40:19Yeah, I'm good, thanks.
00:40:20Oh, you're trying to video call me?
00:40:25Yeah.
00:40:26Are you okay?
00:40:28Yes, I'm okay.
00:40:29I just heard your Instagram.
00:40:31Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:40:34What was all that about?
00:40:36That was...
00:40:37It's just, uh, audio from, like, a voice recording.
00:40:42I was just about getting ready for bed, and I just looked on Instagram and saw that.
00:40:48And I thought, oh my god, that sounds very depressing.
00:40:53Don't be sad.
00:40:55Oh, don't be sad.
00:40:59Okay, I just heard it, and I thought, what's all this about?
00:41:02You're not a horrible person.
00:41:05Okay, now, suppose you're okay?
00:41:07I'm okay.
00:41:08Okay, that's fine.
00:41:10Yeah, I think you probably just scared her.
00:41:14Yeah, I mean, it was hard for me to listen to.
00:41:17Really?
00:41:18Yeah, I mean, not that I know, like, we've been talking about all that sort of stuff, but...
00:41:24I mean...
00:41:29Don't be sad.
00:41:34Yeah.
00:41:45I'm all right.
00:41:46You're all right.
00:41:51Oh.
00:41:59Oh.
00:42:06I stayed up very late last night.
00:42:10Recording till six in the morning.
00:42:19And it's now done.
00:42:29I just want to go real hard.
00:42:34I just want to go real hard.
00:42:35Pink diamond in the dark.
00:42:36I just want to go real hard.
00:42:37I just want to go real hard.
00:42:46Without the whole new matrimony, young wife.
00:42:49We went from really...
00:42:50Fuck.
00:42:51Oh, fuck, fuck.
00:42:52Read.
00:42:52Just fucking read, Charlie.
00:42:54Just read the fucking shit that you wrote.
00:42:57Okay.
00:42:59Again.
00:43:21I just feel like I'm not going to finish this album in time.
00:43:24We've got two songs of a 12 song, of a 10 song album mixed.
00:43:29Like, that's not good.
00:43:32That's like really, really, really, really, really fucking bad.
00:43:41Oh, it's so hard to fucking focus because I know that you're watching this.
00:43:47It's like, I can't.
00:43:48It's actually really difficult.
00:43:54I can't.
00:43:58It's actually driving me crazy.
00:44:08Oh, I just had a call with my therapist, which is a new thing that I've been kind of doing.
00:44:19I started like a week before quarantine, and I think I've probably done about like
00:44:25five or six sessions now over the phone.
00:44:30We only got to do one in person because then the quarantine happened.
00:44:36But yeah, it's just really interesting.
00:44:43And...
00:44:48I don't know.
00:44:49I'm just like learning a lot of stuff about myself.
00:44:58She asked me to write this thing down.
00:45:02Three things down.
00:45:03One says, just because I believe something doesn't mean it's true.
00:45:10Another one says, be gentle on myself.
00:45:13And the third one says, I'm good enough.
00:45:16And I find it really hard to read the last one.
00:45:21I find it really hard to say I'm good enough.
00:45:27And I find it hard because when I say it,
00:45:39when I say it, I just immediately like hear this voice and it says,
00:45:44you don't deserve to be good enough.
00:45:48And I really, I know that I do.
00:45:51It's like my head and my body feel different things.
00:45:56Like I know I do deserve to be good enough, but my like core inside me
00:46:06like doesn't want me to, like doesn't believe it's true or something like that.
00:46:15So I'm supposed to be confident and like inspiring.
00:46:26I hate myself for saying that, but I'm not.
00:46:29And it makes me feel like a liar.
00:46:34Public health director Barbara Ferrer, Dr. Barbara Ferrer,
00:46:37suggested that LA County's stay at home order will likely be extended for the next three months.
00:46:44That is very sobering news.
00:46:45Now, here's what she said.
00:46:47I just don't know how longer I can take like life being so weird.
00:46:52And that sounds very selfish, but it's just like,
00:46:57it sucks.
00:46:58Like the thought of like going to a concert or going to a club or like going to a party.
00:47:03It's like, did that ever really exist?
00:47:08It feels like a dream.
00:47:10It really is like such a lonely time because I'm out of work currently,
00:47:14but I'm also transitioning and my parents aren't supportive of that.
00:47:18So I'm like spending every single day in my bedroom and work kind of gave me that escape.
00:47:25I just try to hide like pretty much everything that I do.
00:47:28At least my mom, I mean, she's just very not supportive.
00:47:32It's just, it's hard.
00:47:34At this point, I just kind of live in Charlie concerts in my mind
00:47:38to kind of help me get through my day.
00:47:44I've still been working a little bit here and there,
00:47:46but it has been like a cut to my income.
00:47:49I can still, you know, do the makeup and do the outfit and take some photos,
00:47:55but there's so much of the experience that is missing from that.
00:47:58San Francisco's oldest gay bar, The Stuck, is closing its doors.
00:48:04Oh, I miss the club.
00:48:06I miss the outside.
00:48:10I'm stuck here like with my thoughts and it's challenging at times,
00:48:15but like with seeing her just share all this,
00:48:18it's, it gives a lot of us something to look forward to.
00:48:22What?
00:48:36What's the best thing about me?
00:48:38The best thing about you?
00:48:52The best thing about you is probably kids, maybe.
00:49:07Oh my gosh.
00:49:09I'm just kidding.
00:49:12Uh, the best part is just our whole relationship.
00:49:17Seven years.
00:49:19You're very fun.
00:49:22You make me laugh.
00:49:24You're nice sometimes.
00:49:26When am I not nice?
00:49:29When you're tired.
00:49:35What's the worst thing about me?
00:49:39Um,
00:49:41I don't like it when you're not enjoying yourself.
00:49:51To have a little more fun.
00:49:53What do you mean?
00:49:53Like in life?
00:49:55Yeah.
00:49:56You don't think I have fun?
00:49:59You're a workaholic.
00:50:05I'm not a workaholic.
00:50:06Do you like living with me in my house?
00:50:11Uh, I love living with you in your house.
00:50:14Are you just saying that because you're on camera?
00:50:17No.
00:50:19Um.
00:50:20Were you nervous about living with me in my house?
00:50:24Yeah.
00:50:25I thought that we were gonna,
00:50:27well, this is the most time we've,
00:50:31the longest time we've spent together.
00:50:32Most time we've,
00:50:35the longest time we'd spent together before this was like two weeks.
00:50:39Which is crazy for people who've been together for seven years.
00:50:44Given what your life is,
00:50:48I know that this is,
00:50:51like,
00:50:52very rare time.
00:50:55So I'm enjoying it.
00:51:02Do you think we have it?
00:51:20Oh yeah, cool.
00:51:26I like it with the camera too, actually.
00:51:28Yeah.
00:51:30But I feel like this could be like an album cover.
00:51:35Yeah.
00:51:36That one.
00:52:00God, special.
00:52:20Baby, I love you bad.
00:52:25Baby, I love you bad.
00:52:27Baby.
00:52:28Oh, I love you bad, baby.
00:52:35I finally understand, finally understand.
00:52:38My therapist said I hate myself really bad.
00:52:44She did say that.
00:52:52Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:52:54The walls are all gone,
00:52:55got me melting down.
00:52:57Liquid in my hands,
00:52:58liquid in my mouth.
00:53:00Got footage on my phone,
00:53:01get it with your tongue.
00:53:03Now we're sticking closer,
00:53:04now I understand.
00:53:05Baby, I love you bad.
00:53:08Baby, I finally understand.
00:53:11But maybe,
00:53:12feeling out of line might kill me.
00:53:18You've tapped in from all around the world.
00:53:22Zane Lowe.
00:53:23Live from Los Angeles.
00:53:28I don't want to keep asking obvious questions,
00:53:30but this just screams to me,
00:53:31I have to ask it like,
00:53:32what do you finally understand?
00:53:34Basically, me and my boyfriend are quarantined together.
00:53:37It's brought us physically close together,
00:53:39but also emotionally,
00:53:41and I finally understand that this person
00:53:44is somebody who I can trust with my life
00:53:47and just feel very connected
00:53:48with the people that I'm around.
00:53:51I feel more connected than ever.
00:54:05Five days
00:54:09till the album comes out.
00:54:12The fans are really excited.
00:54:15That makes me feel really happy because
00:54:20I guess, yeah, this process is for them.
00:54:25That feels truly special.
00:54:32We're closing in, guys.
00:54:34It's the final countdown.
00:54:39Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
00:54:41Duh-duh-duh-duh.
00:54:43Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
00:54:44Is there one other performance thing that I'm forgetting?
00:54:54Okay, now I need to fucking finish an album.
00:55:01If you can do the merch shoot, that would be a big tip.
00:55:05I thought bin day was Monday.
00:55:07Bin day is Friday.
00:55:09Today is Wednesday.
00:55:14I think it sounds amazing.
00:55:15I think we should mix it.
00:55:21I love that.
00:55:22Oh, cool.
00:55:26Hey, what do you think?
00:55:27I think you look good.
00:55:28Really nice.
00:55:34Yes.
00:55:35Yes.
00:55:36Yeah.
00:55:41Sorry.
00:55:43I was playing it so loud, the camera fell off the thing it was on.
00:55:48Okay, so that transition was really nice.
00:56:05So
00:56:35Sick! That's... that's the album.
00:56:45Crazy! Fuck! It's crazy.
00:57:14I can't believe I made 11 songs and it's going to be out on time.
00:57:32It takes a lot for me to say this but I'm really proud of myself.
00:57:35Dad wants to speak to you as well.
00:57:42Hi Dad!
00:57:43Yeah, you're on camera by the way.
00:57:45Alright, okay.
00:57:46How have you been? What have you been doing?
00:57:49Mum wants me to convert an attic now.
00:57:51Yeah, I'm reluctant to do it but Mum's keen.
00:57:54No I'm not!
00:57:56Other way round. What do you want to make it?
00:57:58So it could be a secret room.
00:58:01Okay. You're so nuts. You're nuts.
00:58:06I'd like to do it but Mum's not keen. She wants me to get on with a swimming course.
00:58:11No!
00:58:12And the tree house? What about the tree house you're going to build with the sauna?
00:58:17You see, he just needs a project.
00:58:20I remember you once said to me, you're never happy unless you've got a project.
00:58:25But I've often reflected on it since and you are exactly the same.
00:58:29Yeah.
00:58:30You know, my idea of doing an album during the lockdown was really crazy and mad but you've done it.
00:58:40Yeah. Yeah.
00:58:44She's good.
00:58:52Good morning. Happy how I'm feeling nowaday.
00:58:59Yeah, album tonight. I'm excited. It's going to be really, really, really good.
00:59:05Ah!
00:59:07I'm moving my studio downstairs so that I can DJ at Club Quarantine tonight,
00:59:15which is this really, really fun LGBTQ plus party that happens on Zoom every night.
00:59:24And tonight it's my album party.
00:59:27Unplugging the microphone where the deed was done.
00:59:44I went to a listening party a few weeks ago and it was honestly like one of the most fun times I've had in quarantine so far.
00:59:55Everybody just dancing and enjoying all the same music and, you know, feeling like you're in a room with everybody.
01:00:05I don't know how to explain it. It just feels, feels really comforting.
01:00:10Smile through it. Dance through it. Party through it.
01:00:13It'll be over eventually. We don't know when, but someday life will be once like it was.
01:00:20Let's do it.
01:00:23Keep it going, y'all.
01:00:32Party's starting.
01:00:49That shakes me, I'm a Romeo. He stands tall, I'm irreducible. I'm gassed up like I'm possible.
01:00:54Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right
01:01:24I want to see where you guys are right now. Let me see us go global.
01:01:37Whoa, yes. And now we're gonna have an incredible, incredible performance from the one and only Poison Oakland. So make some noise.
01:01:50Thank you so much for being here. I would not miss it. I was gonna be here. I was so excited for this and I'm so glad that you're having me here.
01:01:58You look incredible and everybody is absolutely gagging. So let's go.
01:02:19You can call me.
01:02:50With this project and the way she's opened it up for everyone, she's united a lot of people that were in need.
01:03:02Listening to music with other people is kind of makes you feel like a human again.
01:03:08Because even though you don't know the people, you know that they care about you. You know that they're there for you.
01:03:15There's a community and we're all having a great time. We don't give a fuck what other people think. And it's amazing.
01:03:22We are all in some ways going through exactly the same thing. And it feels like this new way of connecting.
01:03:32We created a world online where we could be together and we went somewhere without even having to leave our bedrooms.
01:03:41In a time where we were forced to be apart, we felt connected in ways that we never had before. We are alone together.
01:04:01We are all alone together.
01:04:14We are all alone together.
01:04:21We are all alone together.
01:04:30We are all alone together.
01:04:39We are all alone together.
01:04:46Oh, here we go. We're going up on some views, I think.
01:04:56What time is it?
01:04:58It's 9.29.
01:05:00Pacific Standard.
01:05:03Yeah, and we are gonna play the new album by Charlie XCX.
01:05:13Oh yeah, there it is.
01:05:18It's out. Let's stream it.
01:05:20Congrats, baby.
01:05:44I just feel a bit like...
01:05:51What?
01:05:52Just a bit like bored.
01:05:54Shut the fuck up.
01:05:56Well, yeah, like what am I gonna do now? The music's done.
01:06:02Should we do another one?
01:06:13Yeah, let's do it.
01:06:44I was hoping you would come through.
01:06:46I was hoping you would come through.
01:06:48It's true, it's true.
01:06:50I only do this party for you.
01:06:52I only do this party for you.
01:06:54For you, for you.
01:06:56I'm about to party on you.
01:06:58Watch me, watch me party on you.
01:07:00Yeah.
01:07:02I only do this party for you.
01:07:04I only do this party for you.
01:07:06For you, for you.
01:07:08I was hoping you would come through.
01:07:10I was hoping you would come through.
01:07:12It's true, it's true.
01:07:14I only do this party for you.
01:07:16I only do this party for you.
01:07:18For you, for you.
01:07:20I'm about to party on you.
01:07:22Watch me, watch me party on you.
01:07:24Yeah.