- 5/14/2025
Horror Movies, The Best Movies
THE STORY
Prepare for an unconventional tale as Jesus Christ returns to Earth, battling vampires, mythological horrors, and addressing contemporary issues. This action-packed, humorous, and musical film defies expectations.
THE STORY
Prepare for an unconventional tale as Jesus Christ returns to Earth, battling vampires, mythological horrors, and addressing contemporary issues. This action-packed, humorous, and musical film defies expectations.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00He sees you. He hears you. He has seen and heard your sin. Your endless, shameless sin.
00:00:12Are you there, God? Why don't you answer me?
00:00:15And he is coming back. He is here. Yet even today, you may walk among us unrecognized.
00:00:21Let me know you care.
00:00:23Remember, you hear the words of the Lord.
00:00:25God damn you! God damn you! God damn you! As much as he loves the truth, will he? God damn you!
00:00:43Oh, ye who are gathered here in the darkness, do you imagine that you are here to witness not but an hour of flickering fictions?
00:00:52Do you imagine that your lives are not in jeopardy at this very moment?
00:00:56This is the empty house of your soul. Its foundations are built on your childhood, and climbing a lifetime you may never reach its top floor.
00:01:07Can you smell the air within? Dry and musty with long neglect.
00:01:13If you would see the story that is about to unfold, be warned!
00:01:18It is nothing less than that which lies within these walls, and within each and every one of you.
00:01:24Are you prepared to take up residence?
00:01:28If you are, then enter. But do not make the decision lightly, for you will not be alone walking these creaking floors.
00:01:36Remember the words of our Savior when he spake in Matthew 28 20.
00:01:40And behold, I am with you all of the days, until the completion of the age.
00:01:48The truth, you all of the days.
00:01:50Let's see.
00:01:51Let's see.
00:01:53Let's see.
00:01:55Let's see.
00:02:00Let's see.
00:02:04Let's see.
00:02:11Let's see.
00:02:15The Avengers are the timing of us.
00:02:18Josh Riggs is back to the time he's in the spot.
00:02:22Crazy Lance is going to have us on.
00:02:26The Avengers is what it happened.
00:02:30The Avengers is the only salmon.
00:02:33The Avengers is the only one.
00:02:34The Avengers is the only one.
00:02:38The Avengers is the only one.
00:02:41The Avengers is the only one.
00:05:15Where have all our lesbians gone?
00:05:59It's happened again, Father Al-Ban.
00:06:05These women are as sheep in the midst of wolves, Father Eustace.
00:06:09I cannot bear to read another of these headlines.
00:06:11We can no longer stand idly by and allow these children of God to be slain by these agents of the devil.
00:06:23We alone have been entrusted with a man who can stop this unholy plague.
00:06:32You know of whom I speak.
00:06:33You know of whom I speak.
00:06:35You mean?
00:06:36Loose lips, Al-Ban.
00:06:37Forgive me.
00:06:39Of course.
00:06:40But you understand your responsibilities.
00:06:42Since I first entered the order, I knew this day would come.
00:06:46Good.
00:06:48Arrangements have already been made.
00:06:49In fact, in fact...
00:06:50In fact...
00:06:51In fact...
00:06:56It's literally here...
00:07:02It's a book, as a son of God.
00:07:04Good.
00:07:06Because…
00:07:07of your children is a bit.
00:07:12I don't want no snail time!
00:07:14No! No! No! No! No! No!
00:07:17This time I'm going to cry! No! No!
00:07:21I'm going to cry!
00:07:26Die!
00:07:42Lemonade?
00:07:53Will there be enough?
00:07:55Oh, there'll be plenty.
00:08:01I thirst for nothing but justice for the fallen sheep of our flock.
00:08:06Tell me what the problem is.
00:08:10You see, my lord, you are the only one who can stem the spread of this contagion.
00:08:14If these leeches prevail, the faithful need no longer fear going to hell.
00:08:19For hell will come to us.
00:08:22I'm here to build a kingdom, Alba. My father's kingdom.
00:08:26I cannot rush to the battlements before the foundations are laid,
00:08:29or else the walls will surely collapse.
00:08:40The body of Christ.
00:08:52The body of Christ.
00:08:59The body of Christ.
00:09:14Arden, Avellino, God bless the lake. Quickly.
00:09:18A whole new one of them is I love you.
00:09:22Just stay the world of them.
00:09:23The body of Christ and God bless the Saries.
00:09:27What do you think of the other people are eating?
00:09:29Because of all these other people...
00:09:31Of course, his sweetheart is more determined than our whole flock.
00:09:34By the way exactly the people of Christ.
00:09:37I am sure what Job is needed.
00:09:39Anyway, the different people of Christ knew how we work.
00:09:41I am sure the people of Christ.
00:09:42And that was to be the most capable of the family...
00:10:45Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians,
00:11:15John, John, Jude.
00:11:21Revelation!
00:11:22Revelation!
00:11:23Here I am at my destination, here to stop this exsanguination.
00:11:32Got to hope this abomination.
00:11:39I'm out on the street now, I'm out on the town.
00:11:47So many people just hanging around.
00:11:51Hey everyone, here is your chance to do right.
00:11:55Step out of the tunnel and into the light.
00:12:02We'd love to stand by you.
00:12:04No, really we would.
00:12:06A chance to stand up right.
00:12:08And just follow by.
00:12:10Really can't help you.
00:12:11We're already beat.
00:12:13Society wounds us.
00:12:15You could be a cheat.
00:12:17My job isn't great.
00:12:18I've got no job at all.
00:12:20Well, I can't fight you, love.
00:12:22And you're not very tall.
00:12:24You could be standing up for a wall.
00:12:30You say that you're wounded.
00:12:32To that I say fine.
00:12:34If you show me yours, then I'll show you mine.
00:13:00You could have an addition.
00:13:03To Mackerel.
00:13:06Right.
00:13:21You've made the best arrow.
00:13:23Yes!
00:13:25Man...
00:14:28Come with me now on my holy crusade, jeez, come on now, stand on me, come on now, lady, we'll kick those vampires straight back to the 80s.
00:14:41Father, you have to say, Brazil.
00:14:58The church maintains this apartment for visiting clergy members
00:15:28You can stay here as long as necessary.
00:15:31I've slept in worse places.
00:15:33I'm quite busy with my clerical duties, but it will be good to know where you are.
00:15:39Now, you must be hungry after your long trip.
00:15:42Speaking of which, where are Albain and Avellino?
00:15:46I'm afraid we have much to discuss, Eustace.
00:15:48Jesus!
00:15:52My only consolation is the knowing that fathers, Avellino and Albain, are now in a better place.
00:16:11They were not the first to fall, my lord.
00:16:16Both these pictures were taken at a singles dance at the church held last year.
00:16:20This is John Gollum.
00:16:21He worked for a local television station and produced public service announcements for the church's charity work.
00:16:27A good soul.
00:16:28He was the first member of my congregation to disappear.
00:16:31Miriam Schreider, a successful concert promoter, but she still took time out to volunteer in our soup kitchens and at the food bank.
00:16:40People came as much for her smile as for the food.
00:16:44She's been missing for nearly eight months now.
00:16:48This is the woman that attacked me at the beach.
00:16:51She killed Avellino and Albain.
00:16:52I feared as much.
00:16:55There have been rumors.
00:16:57I didn't want to believe at first, but every Sunday I see fewer and fewer faces in the pews.
00:17:02I fear my parish is being consumed, body and soul.
00:17:08There have been more disappearances?
00:17:10Many.
00:17:11As recently as last night.
00:17:13Young women mostly.
00:17:14The church has been unwilling to act on this matter because of the lifestyle of these women.
00:17:20The church should learn to leave judgment to higher powers.
00:17:24Do you suppose that the disappearance of these ladies of Sappho is somehow connected to the fact that these vampires can walk in the daylight?
00:17:42That is what you must find out, my lord.
00:17:45This case requires the attention of one from whom the truth cannot be hidden.
00:17:50Here.
00:17:52It's yours anyways.
00:17:54It's from the collection plate.
00:17:56The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:17:59I'll need to buy some wood for steaks.
00:18:02The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:03The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:04The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:05The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:06The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:07The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:08The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:09The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:10The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:11The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:12The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:13The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:14The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:15The church can wait a couple of weeks for a new TV.
00:18:16Hello, Jesus.
00:18:43Jesus, you don't know us because we've never talked to you before.
00:18:46We are the atheists.
00:18:50Look, Jesus, we're taking your second coming ass down.
00:18:53Consider this the 13th station of the cross.
00:18:56Let's get on with the conversions.
00:19:13Let's go.
00:19:31Let's go.
00:19:33Let's go.
00:19:35Let's go.
00:19:37Let's go.
00:19:39Let's go.
00:19:43Let's go.
00:19:45Let's go.
00:19:47Let's go.
00:25:20See?
00:25:22No thanks.
00:25:31Sorry.
00:25:32I'm a little tense.
00:25:33I've got just what you need.
00:27:03That's a big piece of the puzzle.
00:27:33Hey, can I try this on?
00:28:03Like I said, in the back.
00:29:03Here, let's go.
00:29:33Here, let's go.
00:30:03Here, let's go.
00:30:33Here, let's go.
00:31:03Here, let's go.
00:31:33Here, let's go.
00:32:03Here, let's go.
00:32:33Here, let's go.
00:33:03Mary, let's go.
00:33:33Here, let's go.
00:34:03Here, let's go.
00:34:33Let's go.
00:35:03Here, let's go.
00:35:33Here, let's go.
00:36:03Whoa, let's go.
00:36:33Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:36:36Running low on skin, I suggest we harvest another lesbian.
00:36:43Thirty minutes or it's free.
00:37:06I think it's for money to use.
00:37:12Ironically, there's a lot of people here.
00:37:17We live alone.
00:37:22We all are all in the way.
00:37:30I don't know.
00:38:00I don't know.
00:38:30Hey, you want to play a game?
00:38:45Sure.
00:38:47Close your eyes.
00:38:48You're it.
00:38:56Close your eyes.
00:39:26I love what you're wearing.
00:39:44I love what you're wearing.
00:40:14I love what you're wearing.
00:40:24I love what you're wearing.
00:44:34I know how it feels when there's something inside.
00:44:39Something too quick to show, but too real to have.
00:44:43Good night, sweet prince.
00:44:52I...
00:44:53I...
00:44:54I...
00:44:56I...
00:44:57I...
00:44:58I...
00:44:59I...
00:45:00I...
00:45:02I...
00:45:03I...
00:45:05I...
00:45:06I...
00:45:07I...
00:45:09I...
00:45:12I'll be back with your dessert in a minute.
00:45:42Excuse me, I didn't order.
00:46:10Jesus.
00:46:11Is that you, Bowl of Cherries?
00:46:13Do bowls of cherries talk, Jesus?
00:46:17I don't know.
00:46:18I've seen a lot of strange things over the years.
00:46:21You need help, Jesus.
00:46:22And I might not forsaken you.
00:46:26Oh, it's you, Dad.
00:46:28So, what's your advice?
00:46:29Seekle's the saint of the wrestling ring, son.
00:46:34He will stand alongside you.
00:46:36And call your wife.
00:46:37She misses you.
00:46:38I'll be back with you.
00:46:45I'll be back with you.
00:46:45I'll be back with you.
00:47:15I'll be back with you.
00:47:29Santo, Santo, Santo, Santo, Santo, Santo, Santo, Santo è venito, ha ha ha ha, oiga, oiga, hambre, hambre, santo, santo,
00:47:50santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, santo, s
00:48:20your questions to ms oddball could you step aside to get a photo of al santo
00:48:32make sure you get my good side or you'll get on my bad side
00:48:39thanks so much
00:48:46now there's my front page
00:48:51i've been a fan of your flying clanchard takedown for years santo it's an honor to finally meet you
00:48:57the pleasure is all mine i apologize for the reporters they are harder to escape than the
00:49:02blue demons cobra clutch
00:49:10santo over here champ i've got a car waiting
00:49:14madre de dios my old manager don't let this gringo con you jesus he'll help you wrestling midgets in
00:49:20border towns for ten percent of the net
00:49:34so
00:49:40so
00:49:46Hey Santos, you're going to see this
00:50:16new act I managed with you, stop by tonight and we'll talk a little bit with you.
00:50:21Gracias, daddy. I know why you're here, my savior. I've chosen to call myself a saint,
00:50:26and as such, I am your servant. To you, my lord, my face is forever naked.
00:50:33Now tell me, you have found a place to begin our investigation, see?
00:50:46Hey man, watch it. You're getting all into Kool-Aid, and you don't even know the flavor.
00:50:56I know you know Johnny Golgotha. Tell me where he is.
00:51:00Hey, I'm as close as 99 is to 100 to Johnny and his crew, but I don't know you from Adam, madam.
00:51:06You can save lives. You have to tell us where he is for the sake of your soul, if nothing else.
00:51:14Yeah, tell that to a one-legged man so we can bump it off down the road, Jack.
00:51:20Ah, okay, okay. I call him the jazz. You're the boss' dick. Say I, cop, then I'd be cleaner than the board of health, right?
00:51:30See if you're truly repentant.
00:51:32Okay then, man, okay. Lay up. I know you want that great boy bad, but hustlers don't call showdowns, dig?
00:51:40Johnny and his main mellow are out of town today. There ain't nothing shaken till tomorrow morning, down at the point.
00:51:46Don't tempt me.
00:51:58Oh, Jesus!
00:52:16Ha, ha, ha!
00:52:32Ha, ha, ha!
00:52:35Ha ha!
00:52:36Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Dominion Tavern.
00:52:51There's a lot of beautiful faces in the house tonight, but the man you're here to see can't
00:52:56see you.
00:52:57So make some noise for Mr. Bloyd, Jimmy Lepa!
00:53:03Thank you, thank you very much, thank you.
00:54:52I've sort of been told we've got a very special place in the audience there tonight,
00:54:59without which there'd be no soul for the brothers.
00:55:04So, Lord, I'd like to put your hands together, bring your hands for our Lord and our Savior, Jesus Christ.
00:55:22I was born in a manger, doomed to live in danger, met Mary Magdalene as a rearranger, yeah.
00:55:52If you need a moment, let's go.
00:56:05I can't wait.
00:56:09I can't wait.
00:56:14I'm sorry.
00:56:15I can't wait.
00:56:18I can't wait.
00:56:18But you do.
00:56:19I can't wait.
00:56:20I can't wait.
00:59:22Where is everybody?
00:59:24They split, baby.
00:59:25Hello, son.
00:59:49I was just wanting to check up on you.
00:59:53Are you keeping busy then, dear?
00:59:56Yeah, Mom.
00:59:56I'm trying to help some lesbians.
01:00:00Oh, God love them.
01:00:01They get so much done in a day, don't you think?
01:00:04Yeah, listen, I really have to go.
01:00:06These vampires are...
01:00:07Oh, you're not letting those boys push you around, are you?
01:00:10They might seem bigger than you now,
01:00:12but who do we always say is going to inherit the earth, dear?
01:00:16The meek, Mom.
01:00:17That's right, love.
01:00:18Now, don't let me keep you.
01:00:19You go on now.
01:00:20Okay, Mom.
01:00:21Talk to you later.
01:00:22I love you.
01:00:23Hey!
01:00:24Hey!
01:00:32Hey!
01:00:32Hey!
01:01:02We have your friend Santo on the ropes.
01:01:16Well, if you want to see him go down for the count, I suggest you deliver yourself to
01:01:19us.
01:01:20If you would heal your woes and prolong your life, look not here at this pharmacy of human
01:01:32vanity.
01:01:33But here, recall ye the words of the Messiah, they are spoken in Luke 4, 23, Physician,
01:01:41heal thyself.
01:02:02Time for revelation, my lord.
01:02:24.
01:02:25.
01:02:26.
01:02:27.
01:02:28.
01:02:29.
01:02:30.
01:02:31.
01:02:32.
01:02:33.
01:02:34.
01:02:35.
01:02:36.
01:02:37.
01:02:38.
01:02:41.
01:02:50.
01:02:51.
01:02:52.
01:02:53.
01:02:54You really haven't done anything that they haven't, my lord.
01:02:58You rose from the dead? So did they.
01:03:01You promised eternal life? So did they.
01:03:04But they offer so much more power.
01:03:09I really wish we'd had the time to invite more people, Jesus.
01:03:12It's not every day a guy gets a chance to commit deicide.
01:03:15Sacrifice is your thing, isn't it?
01:03:18I think you need to go back to Sunday school.
01:03:20My death was never the end of the story.
01:03:24Let's get this over with.
01:03:35Any last words, Jesus?
01:03:37No. I've got a question, though.
01:03:40Why lesbians?
01:03:42They're deviants. No one will miss them.
01:03:45There's nothing deviant about love.
01:03:48Ha! Good one. The truth is as bitter as garlic to them.
01:03:54Okay that's good.
01:03:55Nevermind.
01:03:56There is nothing to die!
01:03:57There's nothing to die there!
01:03:58Maybe you're never going to die.
01:03:59I don't know whether you're comfortable.
01:04:00You have to have a question point.
01:04:01You have to have to.
01:04:02No. It's not.
01:04:03You have to go back to them.
01:04:04Okay.
01:04:05I've got a question.
01:04:06Nice to meet you.
01:04:07You can't be bored.
01:04:08You're back.
01:04:09It's not good.
01:06:22Here, Jesus.
01:06:28You'll need this to kill that jackrabbit albino, son of a bitch.
01:06:52Thank you, Lloyd.
01:07:03We're here live, all location at G&L Auto Wrecking and Recycling, where a pitch battle is taking place between forces of good and evil.
01:07:11Unconfirmed reports indicate that none other than Jesus Christ is involved in a winner-take-all fight to the finish with an unknown assailant or assailant.
01:07:20I think I can see him now.
01:07:26Ladies and gentlemen, this is incredible!
01:07:28But you're in the wrecking yard!
01:07:36On TV live!
01:07:37I'm everywhere.
01:07:40And on the seventh day, he rested.
01:07:52Yeah!
01:07:59Yeah!
01:07:59Yeah!
01:08:00Yeah!
01:08:08Yeah!
01:08:08Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
01:08:09Ha ha ha ha ha!
01:13:38Through you, and through your love for Maggie, are you ready to live up to your name?
01:13:43Remove her mask.
01:13:45Remove her mask.
01:14:47We're right back.
01:14:49Could you?
01:14:53Yeah, sure.
01:14:55Okay.
01:15:19But Maggie, aren't you a lesbian?
01:15:34No, I'm bi.
01:15:37Yes, yes.
01:15:38Ha-ha.
01:15:42Yes, yes.
01:15:45Yeah, right.
01:15:47Woo-hoo.
01:15:49But the end of all things is drawn nigh.
01:15:52Be sober, therefore, and watchful unto prayers.
01:15:55But before all things, having fervent love amongst yourselves,
01:15:59because love covers a multitude of sins.
01:16:04Beloved, take not as strange the fire of persecution which has taken place amongst you,
01:16:10as if something strange was happening to you.
01:16:13But as ye have share in the sufferings of Christ, rejoice!
01:16:16Then in the revelation of his glory, also ye may rejoice with exaltation!
01:16:23Back when I was hanging out with the apostles, we had a saying.
01:16:30If you can bear the whole yoke of the Lord, you'll be perfect.
01:16:34But if you can't, then do what you can.
01:16:39I don't want you to accept anything just because I say it.
01:16:43Think about it.
01:16:44Make up your own mind.
01:16:47And if you choose Christianity, don't follow me.
01:16:51Follow my teachings.
01:16:53It's the message that's important, not the messenger.
01:16:57Okay.
01:17:21Hello.
01:17:21Hey, JP. I can't talk right now. I'm in the middle of something.
01:17:27Yeah, okay, I will. Later.
01:17:32Listen, you don't need me to tell you these things.
01:17:36I'm not here to give you new laws.
01:17:39I'm just telling you what you already know.
01:17:43I'm the part of you that feels bad when you don't give that homeless guy your spare change.
01:17:48You know what's right. Trust yourselves.
01:17:54Learn to love. Learn to forgive.
01:17:59And remember, five keeps a neighborhood alive.
01:18:04It's all good. It's all right.
01:18:08Everybody gets laid.
01:18:12Tonight, he came from heaven.
01:18:16New stakes in his hand.
01:18:20To smoke the vampire.
01:18:24And free the land.
01:18:28Come now and join him.
01:18:31All ye strong and bold.
01:18:35We'll fight together.
01:18:38Like the days of art.
01:18:40It's all good. It's all right.
01:18:45Everybody gets laid tonight.
01:18:48It's all good. It's all right.
01:18:52Everybody gets laid tonight.
01:18:56Behold his glory.
01:18:59Come praise the light.
01:19:02That has delivered us from the endless night.
01:19:10Come down the trumpet.
01:19:14Prepare the beast.
01:19:17And make the joyful shout.
01:19:20Don't hear who's laid to me.
01:19:24It's all good. It's all right.
01:19:28Everybody gets laid tonight.
01:19:31Tonight, it's all good.
01:19:33It's all right.
01:19:35Everybody gets laid tonight.
01:19:38Tonight, tonight, tonight.
01:20:03Tonight.
01:20:04Tonight.
01:20:04Tonight.
01:20:07Be your young, old, weak, whore
01:20:16Come and join in now
01:20:19You are not alone
01:20:20It's all good, it's all right
01:20:24Everybody gets laid tonight
01:20:28It's all good, it's all right
01:20:32Everybody gets laid tonight
01:20:35It's all good, it's all right
01:20:38Here's the Lord of Might
01:20:40And he commands you
01:20:42It's all good, it's all right
01:20:46Everybody gets laid tonight
01:20:49Tonight, and every night
01:20:52Forever
01:20:54It's all good, it's all right
01:21:00Everybody gets laid tonight
01:21:04It's all good, it's all right
01:21:07Everybody gets laid tonight
01:21:11It's all good, it's all right
01:21:14It's all good, it's all right
01:21:19Let's go
01:21:20It's all good, it's all right
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