Crown Court - "An Upward Fall'' (1977)/Michael Jayston,Raymond Huntley, Anton Rodgers - video Dailymotion

Dreamer

(3 parts). An unusually hilarious, absurd, fictional case (written by absurdist playwright N.F. Simpson), in 3 parts, with Michael Jayston, Anton Rodgers, Raymond Huntley, Richard Wordsworth, Denis Lill, John Leeson, June Brown, Sydney Bromley, J.G. Devlin, Gwen Nelson. Directed by Darrol Blake.   In this bizarre case Cosmic Planning Consultants are suing another company. The latter accused the former of irresponsibility in building an old people's home at the top of a Himalayan mountain with the toilets sited three thousand feet below. The plaintiffs insist their unusual choice of location was the right one and they have been unfairly maligned.

Transcript

00:00:00You're about to see edited highlights from one of the lengthiest and most complex cases in legal history.

00:00:17Everything about it is highly fictitious, and the proceedings are not all that legally accurate.

00:00:22The characters in it are played by actors, and the jury is made up of people who've expressed their willingness to arrive impartially

00:00:28at whatever verdict may be required of them.

00:00:31The case concerns a libel action brought by Cosmic Planning Consultants against the Rosenberg Research Foundation,

00:00:37and counsel for the former is now opening his case.

00:00:44I appear for the plaintiffs, my lad, and my friend Mr Keith Saunders is counsel for the defendants.

00:00:52I propose first to outline the facts of the case, which is in essence a simple one,

00:00:58turning on the fact that a building on the edge of a steep escarpment, in the Cairngorms,

00:01:05some 3,000 feet or so above sea level, was in 1975 turned into an old people's home with the usual facilities.

00:01:14Of these facilities, it is with the lavatories that we are principally concerned,

00:01:20in that these were placed at the foot of the escarpment 3,000 feet below the old people's home they were intended to serve.

00:01:27It was my clients, who were acting as consultants in the matter, and who are bringing this action against the defendants,

00:01:33in respect of a libel contained in a letter, and later in a newspaper interview.

00:01:41If I might crave the indulgence of the court at this stage, my lad, I would like to go over briefly the background of the situation.

00:01:46The facts are not in dispute between us.

00:01:50The original name of the building, which underwent conversion in 1975 to an old people's home, was Bellamy's Folly.

00:02:00An edifice constructed in the early years of this century by one Horace Bellamy as a left luggage office.

00:02:08It was intended as the first of a chain of left luggage offices, encircling the globe, and enabling those with heavy luggage and finding themselves at the top of some mountain or other,

00:02:19to have somewhere to deposit the luggage while they themselves admired the view and ate their sandwiches.

00:02:26It was a bold concept, but one which was, in the event, doomed to be stillborn.

00:02:35The harsh facts were that people, people could not be persuaded to take their luggage to the top of an escarpment in the cairngorms,

00:02:46or in anything like sufficient numbers, to justify the considerable expense of maintaining it there.

00:02:53The building, accordingly, fell into disuse.

00:02:57It remained empty for some time, becoming known as Bellamy's Folly.

00:03:03He himself, embittered by what he thought of as unfair competition from the left luggage offices in the mainline termini,

00:03:11which had at that time gained a stranglehold in the left luggage business,

00:03:16finally committed suicide by casting himself down from the withdrawals counter, or what had been the withdrawals counter,

00:03:24to the foot of the escarpment 3,000 feet below, hitting the ground by a curious coincidence

00:03:30at the very spot where the lavatories were to be built over 50 years later,

00:03:36in the people's home to which reference has already been made.

00:03:40Did you say competition for the mainline railway termini?

00:03:44That is thought to have been in his mind, Mylard.

00:03:47Is it being suggested that someone at the top of the Matterhorn, or of Everest, since that was in his mind eventually,

00:03:53would go to the trouble of making a descenter of 10,000 to 20,000 feet with a heavy suitcase in either hand,

00:04:00in order then to travel perhaps several thousand miles of a stuffy and uncomfortable train,

00:04:06with no other purpose but to deposit his suitcases at Euston Station,

00:04:11possibly meeting surly an off-hand treatment when he got there?

00:04:15No, it seems a few people were making the original journey, Mylard, from Euston to the top of the Cairngorms or wherever.

00:04:21Well, what inducements were offered them?

00:04:23Well, it was thought that the challenge itself would be a sufficient inducement, Mylard.

00:04:28That is the plaintiff's case, Mylard, and I will now call my evidence.

00:04:32Call Kenneth James Hoist-Petard.

00:04:40Counsel for the plaintiffs has called the head of the Rosenberg Research Foundation to the witness box.

00:04:45It will be his purpose to show that there were sound reasons for the publishing of the allegedly libelous words.

00:04:52Bellamy's folly, as we must continue to call it, was intended to be very much the showpiece, was it not?

00:05:00As the first in the line of similar homes for the aged in other high spots elsewhere in the world.

00:05:06It was, yes.

00:05:08It was indeed received with considerable acclaim in the press and elsewhere.

00:05:12A tremendous breakthrough.

00:05:15A triumph, one paper put it, of high-altitude geriatry.

00:05:19We were pleased with the response.

00:05:21As a result, as a result of this, it was inaugurated with great pomp and ceremony in a blaze of publicity.

00:05:28We were happy with the coverage.

00:05:30Is it not true that such experiments in high-altitude geriatry, as were urgently needed at that time,

00:05:35could have been carried out every bit as effectively and, some may say, far more humanely?

00:05:41By sending one or two selected old-age pensioners up in a hot-air balloon once or twice a week from, say, Cockfosters.

00:05:48This was very seriously considered.

00:05:50And it had a lot to be said for it.

00:05:52But in the end, we opted for the left luggage office.

00:05:56In order the better to acclimatise the, as we may now say, unfortunate guinea pigs in this experiment,

00:06:02to relatively high altitudes before sending them into orbit for reasons of limited space on the ground.

00:06:09That was part of the object.

00:06:11Great-grandmothers in orbit.

00:06:15A concept that, given this kind of publicity, could not fail to appeal.

00:06:19I think the time was ripe for it.

00:06:22And, accordingly, it caught the imagination of the public.

00:06:25It did, yes.

00:06:26I cannot possibly allow counsel to come on leading the witness in this way.

00:06:30You really must try to phrase these questions in a less tendentious way.

00:06:35I'm obliged to your Lordship.

00:06:37To what extent was this whole enterprise not something of a pipe dream?

00:06:42We felt it had great potentiality.

00:06:44Would it be true to say that Rosenberg Research Foundation were being somewhat starry-eyed about the whole thing?

00:06:50We had our feet very firmly on the ground.

00:06:52More firmly, perhaps, than some of the unfortunate old-age pensioners,

00:06:57who had ill-advisedly opted to act as guinea pigs, one might perhaps say.

00:07:01At all events, it has to be admitted, does it not,

00:07:04that the whole concept quickly became, in the minds of the general public, a damp squib.

00:07:08A nine days' wonder.

00:07:10And public support, accordingly, fell off with alarming and disconcerting rapidity.

00:07:16It didn't catch on quite in the way that we'd hoped.

00:07:19Nor, I would suggest, was the diminution in public support the only problem confront of you.

00:07:25Other snags were beginning to come to light.

00:07:28Many, for instance, of the firms, who'd agreed so eagerly to deliver provisions and groceries and other necessaries,

00:07:35when this had been a matter of climbing onto a popular bandwagon,

00:07:39were now beginning to have second thoughts.

00:07:41This was fermented.

00:07:42When a couple of removal men jibbed at carrying a Welsh dresser up the sheer face of a 3,000-foot mountain.

00:07:50They were troublemakers.

00:07:51Yes.

00:07:52And it spread.

00:07:54With the result that the old-age pensioners themselves were compelled to make first the decent,

00:08:00and then the ascent, to collect their own shopping.

00:08:03For a time.

00:08:04Hmm.

00:08:05Not an easy matter for someone of advancing years with a full shopping basket, I would presume.

00:08:10It did raise a certain amount of comment, yes.

00:08:12I would suggest that public disquiet was considerable, that questions indeed were asked in the house.

00:08:19That is true.

00:08:20Might it be true to say that you found this project somewhat embarrassing?

00:08:28It wasn't something that we welcomed.

00:08:31How convenient, then, if you could find a scapegoat on whom to foist responsibility for this unwelcome development.

00:08:37There was no intention of foisting responsibility at all.

00:08:41Hmm.

00:08:42Nevertheless, if it could be made known that some gross oversight had been perpetrated, not by you, but by the plaintiffs,

00:08:49an oversight whereby the inmates of the old folks' home could be shown to have been put to some minor inconvenience,

00:08:56it would deflect a great deal of public criticism, away from you, would it not?

00:09:00And on to the plaintiffs.

00:09:03What better such oversight than the placing of the lavatories in such a position

00:09:07that it would be impossible to reach them in the middle of the night without wearing climbing boots over one's bedroom slippers?

00:09:13This was not the intention at all.

00:09:16I have no questions to ask of this witness, my lad.

00:09:19None?

00:09:20No, my lad.

00:09:22So be it.

00:09:24In the absence of cross-examination, counsel for the plaintiffs calls his next witness,

00:09:29the Cosmic Planning Consultant's Chief Planning Advisor, Nigel Winterbourne.

00:09:37As a consultant of some standing in the consultancy world, you're well-versed, are you not, in the art of consultancy?

00:09:46Many people consider so.

00:09:48To the extent that it would be true, perhaps, to say that you have consultancy in the blood,

00:09:53and that consultancy, in all its myriad forms, has been your life right up until this moment, and indeed still is.

00:10:00I'd like to think so.

00:10:02You've showed a certain precocity for this, even as a child, I believe.

00:10:07I was said to be forward, yes, in that particular field.

00:10:10With the result that in adult life you have been called in on a consultancy basis on numerous occasions in the non-communist world.

00:10:19You are now, are you not, Chief Planning Advisor to the Cosmic Planning Consultants, who are the plaintiffs in this action?

00:10:27That is so.

00:10:28And as such, you were intimately involved, were you not, with the project about which complaints have been made?

00:10:34I was.

00:10:35The project was a somewhat ambitious one, I presume?

00:10:39It was one of some magnitude, yes.

00:10:41Hmm.

00:10:42Is it perhaps to be expected that in a project on so large and ambitious a scale, minor snags might be expected to appear?

00:10:51One would be very lucky to get it absolutely right first time.

00:10:54Such a mistake as putting lavatories at the bottom when the home they were to serve was at the top.

00:11:00Might, well, might be an oversight of no great order, perhaps.

00:11:04It might seem so to the individual old-age pensioner called upon to make the journey down and then up again,

00:11:09but in terms of the project as a whole it was considered a very minor point indeed, hardly worth the expense of rectifying.

00:11:18Are you cross-examining this time?

00:11:20Your Lordship's permission.

00:11:21By all means.

00:11:23The peace and serenity which it is normal to associate with a home for the elderly in their declining years

00:11:29is in danger of being put at some risk, is it not, if one finds oneself trudging some 3,000 feet down a steep escarpment

00:11:36with many treacherous overhangs in one's dressing gown at 3 o'clock in the morning to attend to a call of nature.

00:11:42There's a danger, certainly.

00:11:44There might, might there not be prima facie grounds for complaint

00:11:47by some who think this is no way to spend the autumn of one's life.

00:11:50It's not easy to please everyone.

00:11:52The comment might be made as to what might appear at first sight to be an absence of forethought

00:11:57to the extent that the question, what kind of planning consultants are these,

00:12:01might find yourself being arsed in certain quarters with an element of rancour.

00:12:05This is something one has to learn to come to terms with.

00:12:08What was passing through your mind inciting the lavatories where you did?

00:12:11I was thinking of Mrs Letchworth.

00:12:14What was the tenor of your thoughts concerning this Mrs Letchworth?

00:12:17It occurred to me that she was highly desirable and that I had a chance there.

00:12:20In other words, your thoughts were elsewhere than on a job you'd undertaken to give your undivided attention to.

00:12:25I suppose that would be so.

00:12:27A case, one might say, of chercher la femme.

00:12:29Yes, one might say that.

00:12:31You said that in your opinion the oversight was a minor one,

00:12:34that it was an oversight of no very great order, except to those inconvenienced by it.

00:12:39What about the danger that in bedroom slippers a 93-year-old lady,

00:12:43not perhaps too steady on her pins, as the expression is,

00:12:46might miss her footing and fall from top virtually to bottom?

00:12:50A feasibility study was carried out in 1970.

00:12:54No dangers of that nature were anticipated.

00:12:56Is it true that there are mattresses placed against the bottom of the sheer north face,

00:12:59against this very contingency, unanticipated though you say it was?

00:13:03These were placed there subsequently.

00:13:05As an afterthought, and in response to public outcry,

00:13:08when it was found that old age pensioners, falling from some considerable height,

00:13:12were going straight through to the underworld on hitting the ground.

00:13:15To the where?

00:13:16The underworld, my lud, sometimes known as Hades.

00:13:20You mean the infernal regions?

00:13:22Yes, my lud.

00:13:23Then say so.

00:13:24Indeed it is true, is it not, that some of the pensioners,

00:13:28even after the provision of mattresses, were continuing to go straight through,

00:13:31this time taking the mattresses with them.

00:13:34And I put it to you, that it is no part of the divine purpose

00:13:38that man or woman should, after leading a possibly blameless life for 70 or 80 years,

00:13:45make his or her entrance into the infernal regions like a sack of coals coming down a chute,

00:13:51arrive in Hades unannounced and wrapped in a mattress.

00:13:54And one might be said to have got off to a dubious start,

00:13:57so far as the afterlife is concerned.

00:13:59It could lead to problems.

00:14:01It could lead to eternal damnation.

00:14:03I suppose so, yes.

00:14:04Scarcely an inviting prospect, mattress or no mattress.

00:14:07I suppose not.

00:14:08It is to establish this vital point beyond any shadow of doubt

00:14:12that at a later stage in the hearing,

00:14:14Defence Council brings a man of God to the witness box.

00:14:18If one were so unfortunate as to be damned eternally,

00:14:21one would know all about it, I presume.

00:14:23Oh, yes, indeed.

00:14:24And it is for this reason in the main

00:14:27that one advises one's parishioners against it.

00:14:29Nothing to look forward to except an endless round of sin and vice,

00:14:32indulged in unremittingly for the better part perhaps of eternity,

00:14:36until such glamour as it might once have had as long since departed from it.

00:14:40That would be about the size of it, yes.

00:14:41It would take all pleasure out of the afterlife

00:14:43and leave one feeling fit for very little afterwards.

00:14:46Anyone of pensionable age would very likely find it too much for them.

00:14:50Nor, presumably, would there be any getting out of it at all easily.

00:14:54If you don't take part with the others, show willing, as the expression is,

00:14:57you were looked at, one imagines, as something of a leper

00:15:00and might possibly be sent to Coventry by your fellow damnese.

00:15:03It is possible to get out of it by pleading sick,

00:15:06if you don't for any reason feel up to it for an eon or two.

00:15:09But they're not exactly enraptured when you do.

00:15:12Satan, in particular, taking a somewhat poor view?

00:15:15Satan would come down like a ton of bricks.

00:15:17One would come, moreover, would one not, on frequent occasions,

00:15:20face to face with Satan.

00:15:21That is so, yes.

00:15:22Who is not the sort of person one would want to meet on a dark night, I would imagine.

00:15:25Indeed not.

00:15:26Many a person has been frightened out of his wits by such an encounter unexpectedly.

00:15:30One would normally say, in that sort of situation,

00:15:34get thee behind me, Satan.

00:15:36One would scarcely feel any safer within there, I imagine.

00:15:39He has been known to take advantage.

00:15:42Almost too great a temptation to resist, one would imagine.

00:15:45I think at this point we might resist the temptation to go any further with this line of questioning.

00:15:51We will adjourn and return at 2.15.

00:16:00As we return to Crown Court, cross-examination by counsel should be continuing,

00:16:05but a hitch has occurred, whereby a Mrs Startferret has taken the place in the witness box of the Chief Planning Advisor,

00:16:11having asked to be seen early and out of turn, owing to commitments elsewhere.

00:16:16As her evidence has nothing to do with the present case,

00:16:19counsel is having to rephrase his questions in the light of this.

00:16:22This is highly irregular. You do realise that?

00:16:25Yes, I do, Your Honour.

00:16:26Well, you must bear that in mind throughout.

00:16:29Otherwise, you may find yourself in contempt of court,

00:16:32in which case I shall have no alternative but to sentence you to be detained in the cells

00:16:35until such time as you have made a full and unconditional apology to the court.

00:16:39Yes, I am aware of that, sir.

00:16:41And as a result of this, you paid a visit to a solicitor, I believe.

00:16:44That's right.

00:16:46Are we taking this evidence in the middle?

00:16:49It would seem better that way, my lad.

00:16:51Very good.

00:16:52Can you tell us how this visit came about?

00:16:54I was talking to my friend and telling him what had happened,

00:16:57which I won't bother with now, and he said,

00:17:00would you like to see a solicitor?

00:17:02So I said, I've already seen one.

00:17:04He said, where?

00:17:05I said, on the television.

00:17:07He said, would you recognise him again?

00:17:09I said, yes, anywhere.

00:17:11So he said, right, what are we waiting for?

00:17:13And as a result, you fetched up, I think I'm right in saying,

00:17:16the offices of Purdue, Gabbitas, Tatchbrook and Hobart, commissioners for oaths.

00:17:20Yes, to see Mr. Hobart.

00:17:22Whom you immediately recognised as the one you had seen on television.

00:17:25Oh, yes, it was the same one, all right.

00:17:27And your first words to him were what?

00:17:29I said, can you hear an oath?

00:17:32And he went across to the open window with his hand cupped round his ear,

00:17:35and he said, no.

00:17:36I don't think so, can you?

00:17:38Whereupon?

00:17:39Whereupon, I said, it's my brother-in-law.

00:17:45Your brother-in-law comes into this in what way?

00:17:48Well, he'd hurt himself.

00:17:51Having hit his thumb with a hammer while nailing up a picture of the infant Jesus.

00:17:55That's right.

00:17:56And he wanted, without delay, to come out with an oath of some description

00:17:59in order to relieve his feeling.

00:18:00He was hopping about from one foot to the other.

00:18:02Having been bottling it up for some time while you were looking for a solicitor.

00:18:06And with a homemade gag in his mouth to prevent the premature utterance of the oath.

00:18:10That's right.

00:18:11He was all set to utter it the moment the gag was removed.

00:18:14When the formalities were completed?

00:18:15Yes.

00:18:16What was the oath he was all said to come out with?

00:18:21Well, may I write it down?

00:18:24Yes, he can write it down.

00:18:26Yes, he can write it down.

00:18:33Hells, bells and buckets of blood.

00:18:36There were several possibilities that he had a list.

00:18:40That was his first choice.

00:18:41What was the reaction of your Mr Hobart, the solicitor you had seen on television

00:18:45and were now confronting in the flesh to the information that this was what you wanted to see him about?

00:18:50He was very understanding and produced this chair leg.

00:18:54Chair leg?

00:18:56It was about so long, my lord.

00:18:59With what purpose in mind?

00:19:01Well, he said the formalities might take some little time.

00:19:04Yes.

00:19:06Well, he was doubled up, you see, with a pain as well as jumping about.

00:19:10Well, how does the chair leg come into this?

00:19:13Well, he said as the formalities might take some little time and he was in pain, he might like to be put under sedation till they were completed.

00:19:23He said it was one of the few concessions that the law allowed to human frailty and we might as well pay advantage of it.

00:19:30By striking him over the head with the chair leg?

00:19:33With the chair leg.

00:19:34Is this common practice?

00:19:35I've had no personal experience of it, my lord.

00:19:37We were hoping to have it under the swear now pay later scheme.

00:19:40Well, couldn't all this have been done over the telephone?

00:19:43Husbands ringing in from public call boxes purporting to be swearing on behalf of wives and sweethearts.

00:19:48Green grocers impersonating members of parliament in order to let rip under the cloak of privilege.

00:19:53Make a mockery of the whole business, my lord.

00:19:55They said it could be the thin end of a very ugly wedge.

00:19:57Yes, I see the force of that, I suppose. Very well.

00:20:01So I said, couldn't he have voice training first?

00:20:05Voice training?

00:20:07I wanted his voice to be in tip-top condition so that he'd do full justice to the oath when the time came, otherwise it was money down the drain.

00:20:14Surely no man in his right senses would attempt to nail up a picture of the infant Jesus unless his larynx was in reasonably good nick, as the expression is to start with.

00:20:25Well, I think we've had enough of this witness and can now revert to the original witness whose evidence was interrupted.

00:20:31Yes, your lord should please.

00:20:33Yes.

00:20:39This woman has had an unusually long run for her money, and as she leaves the court, clearly seems to realise it.

00:20:44Oh yes, very satisfied. I've no complaints at all.

00:20:46A very generous allowance of time.

00:20:48Yes, I was very pleased.

00:20:50The chief planning consultant is now back in the witness box and the examination can continue.

00:20:56Not all, by any means, of the various projects on which cosmic planning consultants have been called in as advisers have received universal acclaim.

00:21:05I'm referring in particular to the scheme elaborately worked out by you for a midnight sunbathing Lido on the Dead Sea,

00:21:13over which you were severely criticised in having failed to take into account the relative absence of effective sunlight at that time during the 24 hours.

00:21:21I won't deny we had to take a certain amount of stick over that.

00:21:24You were, if I may refresh your memory, very frank and open about it at the time,

00:21:28going so far as to admit in a letter I have before me now, which I shall pass to his lordship and to the jury presently,

00:21:33that in some respects you had failed, in your own words, to do our homework on this one.

00:21:38We tried to take a reasonable line on it, certainly.

00:21:40There are a number of letters relating to all manner of enterprises, including this one, addressed this time to a Mr Driscoll.

00:21:46Dear Mr Driscoll, it begins, it would appear to have happened again.

00:21:50We seem plagued by gremlins and it seems that your decision to build a bird sanctuary underground was made on advice wrongly given to you by us.

00:21:58This is the kind of slip-up which can, however, all too easily occur, as I am sure you realise,

00:22:03and should not be blown up out of all proportion.

00:22:05Neither would it be advisable to shout it too much from the housetops, as this could make difficulties for everyone.

00:22:11Sealed lips, in other words, seem once more to be the order of the day.

00:22:15Lay people who don't have the experience to judge can sometimes put the wrong interpretation on things,

00:22:21such as when, for example, a building falls down or a bridge collapses.

00:22:25As when a tower block some years ago collapsed like a house of cards within ten months of being completed.

00:22:30A tower block on which cosmic planning consultants were the advisers.

00:22:33That was due to a fault in the design for which we refused to accept any responsibility.

00:22:38It was precisely the design you were brought in as advisers, was it not?

00:22:41Our function was to tender advice, yes we did.

00:22:43Advice on the basis of which the block was constructed in such a way as to fall down shortly after being put up.

00:22:49The advice we gave was given in good faith.

00:22:53There was no obligation whatsoever on the part of the construction company to follow that advice.

00:22:58They took this responsibility entirely on their own initiative.

00:23:01We're perfectly in the clear in the matter.

00:23:03As in no fewer than 231 disasters, of a greater or lesser magnitude,

00:23:08on which, over a period of years, you were acting as consultants.

00:23:12It's too easy for outsiders to apportion blame in these circumstances.

00:23:17Our conscience is perfectly clear.

00:23:19It is clear that council is not going to be able to shake this witness in any way

00:23:23or wring any concession out of him that might damage his position,

00:23:26notwithstanding the damage that might have been done to others,

00:23:29though the case is by no means over yet.

00:23:32Join us tomorrow for another instalment in the case of Cosmic Planning Consultants

00:23:36versus the Rosenberg Research Foundation.

00:23:39As

00:23:58MUSIC CONTINUES

00:24:28It is a very fictitious one, and the proceedings are not as legally accurate as they might have been in the hands of a more competent writer.

00:24:34The characters in it are played by actors, and the jury is made up of people who have expressed their willingness to arrive impartially at any verdict required of them.

00:24:43It is a complex and unusual case, now on its fourth day, concerning the siting of lavatories for an old people's home some 3,000 feet below the building which they were designed to serve,

00:24:53thus subjecting the old-age pensioners to considerable trouble and inconvenience.

00:24:58It is the task of counsel for the plaintiffs, who are alleging libel against them on the part of their clients in respect of this,

00:25:04to minimise the gravity of the error, and thereby show that the charge of gross incompetence is unfounded.

00:25:11The credibility of an expert witness depends upon the effectiveness with which counsel is able to establish his credentials at the very outset by skilful and subtle questioning.

00:25:21You are your Professor Upshot, and you occupy the Chair of Comparative Geriatry at the University of Wakefield.

00:25:30Oh, yes, that is true, yes.

00:25:33You are the author, are you not, of a number of books, some of which are addressed to a wider public.

00:25:39Ill-Lit by Moonlight, my encounter with the largest hopipotamus in the world, being perhaps the best known of these.

00:25:45Oh, yes, that is the one that my popular reputation is based upon, I think, yes.

00:25:50You are also the author of the standard work on high-altitude geriatry, which has gone into a number of editions and been translated into numerous foreign languages,

00:25:58and which has become something of a textbook for students on the subject, called Mountaineering at Ninety, Dream or Reality.

00:26:06Yes, it runs the other one a close second.

00:26:09You are not uninstructed, therefore, in these matters.

00:26:11It might indeed be said to be a worldwide authority on the effect of altitude upon the elderly.

00:26:17Yes, I would go as far as to say that, yes.

00:26:19Would it be true to say that the governments of Nepal and Afghanistan were interested in the experiment being carried out at this spot in the Cairngorms,

00:26:29and that they were in particular interested in the light it might shed on the problems of establishing old folks' homes in the Himalayas and elsewhere?

00:26:38Oh, there were deputations from all parts of the world.

00:26:41The Andes, another area where high-altitude geriatry was of prime concern.

00:26:46The high spots of the world.

00:26:48Oh, yes.

00:26:52The necessity in those regions of acclimatising the elderly to the making of journeys up and down sheer and relatively sheer rock faces

00:26:59might well be exercising the governments of these countries, might it not?

00:27:03Oh, yes, it was the number one topic.

00:27:06So that, in order for the pilot scheme being tried out here in the Cairngorms to be of use in the widest possible way,

00:27:12it would make absolute sense by placing the lavatories at the bottom to ensure that data might be forthcoming as to the feasibility of such journeys up and down.

00:27:23Oh, absolute sense. It was the crux of the whole exercise.

00:27:28An imaginative way, in fact, of achieving a sound and useful objective.

00:27:32It was the one thing that commended the scheme to those of us who were invited to look at it at an early stage.

00:27:39And to what extent is 3,000 feet an acceptable height when elderly people are called upon to make the journey both up and down several times a day as well as during the night?

00:27:48Oh, by no means unacceptable, given a certain degree of fitness, of course.

00:27:54Fitness by no means beyond the reach of, for example, his lordship, or of such of the old-age pensioners who are in court at the moment.

00:28:02Oh, yes, indeed, yes.

00:28:04It has been said that you are as young as you feel, and that the secret of eternal youth is available to any one of us who chooses to open his mind to it.

00:28:14Queen Victoria is an example here, I think.

00:28:18It has been plausibly suggested, has it not, that even as quite an old woman, Queen Victoria, who harboured a secret longing to wheel a wheelbarrow through streets broad and narrow, crying cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh, and, in fact, to do so moreover at dead of night, did, in fact, on numerous occasions, succumb to this craving?

00:28:40Yes, it's not too fanciful to imagine the scene where the sleeping populace of Windsor were awakened from their beds to cheer her as she did so.

00:28:50Cheer her, indeed, until they were hoarse before, after a quick gargle, returning to bed and sleep once again.

00:28:58Oh, indeed.

00:28:58It might well be, might it not, it might be this kind of activity that was the secret of her eternal youthfulness.

00:29:06I simply cannot go along with this blatant leading of a witness.

00:29:09It's a waste of public money to bring him here at great expense if all he has to do when he gets to court is to find various ways of answering yes.

00:29:17I stand corrected, my lad.

00:29:19Are we cross-examining?

00:29:22With your Lordship's permission.

00:29:24By all means.

00:29:25Would it be true to say that it makes nonsense of the whole notion of high-altitude geriatry

00:29:30if old-age pensioners, on their journey back to bed in the small hours, miss their footing and finish up in heaps at the bottom?

00:29:37It may well be taken into account as a possibility when constructing a home of this kind, indeed.

00:29:43I put it to you, it was not only not so taken in this instance, but that it was blatantly, either by negligence or design, ignored as a possibility.

00:29:50Oh, by no means.

00:29:52It may well be taken into account as a possibility and then ignored.

00:29:57A calculated risk.

00:29:58A risk worth taking in view of the purpose behind the whole exercise, which was in part to discover the effects of such minor oversights

00:30:08in developing buildings of a similar nature.

00:30:13I have no further witnesses, my lad.

00:30:16That is your case.

00:30:17It is, my lad.

00:30:18It is now for the defence to open its case.

00:30:20Whilst we're waiting for this to happen, this might be the moment to go outside the courtroom,

00:30:24where witnesses are waiting to be called for other cases which are going on in the same building,

00:30:29concurrently with our own, and are passing the time in small talk.

00:30:34The bottom seems to have fallen right out of horse-brasses.

00:30:38Right out.

00:30:40Never seen anything like it.

00:30:42I should be out looking for the wife.

00:30:46I left this message on the table for me.

00:30:49I'm being held prisoner in the Lake Isle of Industry by W.B. Yeats.

00:30:55But he can be had up.

00:30:56Oh, he's death trapped that close.

00:30:59They can easily look after themselves, women.

00:31:01I remember the Queen went missing once.

00:31:03Counsel for the defence has now opened his case and is questioning his first witness, an experienced mountaineer.

00:31:09Am I right in saying that you are an experienced mountaineer?

00:31:12Yes.

00:31:12Of several years standing?

00:31:14Indeed.

00:31:15Perhaps you would take a look at the model here in the well of the court and show us by means of the model

00:31:19The relative positions 3,000 feet apart of the old people's home and the lavatory serving it.

00:31:27To what extent can this be described as the same model as heretofore?

00:31:32It has sustained damage, my lad, and certain corrections may have to be made in respect of the scale.

00:31:38What is the extent of the damage?

00:31:41It was sat upon whilst in safekeeping, my lad.

00:31:43Sat upon?

00:31:45Yes, my lad.

00:31:46I see.

00:31:46There's also some marmalade, my lad, in one or two of the interstices, which has arrived there somewhat mysteriously.

00:31:52It points to there having been a moment, possibly more than one, when the model was the subject for discussion over the breakfast table.

00:31:58Or perhaps it was being used for some other reason, such as to prop up a copy of a daily newspaper.

00:32:02Where is this marmalade?

00:32:04Not in any vital spot, my lad.

00:32:06Does the marmalade invalidate the model in any way?

00:32:10Not significantly, no, my lad.

00:32:12There are also some crumbs of toast.

00:32:15But these are a non-strategic area, so far as the case is concerned.

00:32:18And it is my submission.

00:32:20It need not trouble us if the defence agrees.

00:32:22I'm perfectly happy.

00:32:24Well, as long as the model was in safekeeping at the time, which I understand it was,

00:32:28none of this furnishes any sound reason.

00:32:30Once the necessary corrections have been made, why it should not continue to be used?

00:32:34I'm obliged to your lordship.

00:32:35Perhaps you could indicate the route which would have to be taken by an old-age pensioner, taken short in the night.

00:32:40Well, of course, the mountain itself, which they would have to negotiate, has now been sat upon.

00:32:46But allowing for that, it would be up here.

00:32:49Along, around this bit.

00:32:52Then they would have to negotiate round the overhang.

00:32:55Which is not easy in bedroom slippers.

00:32:57Virtually impossible.

00:32:58May he be shown in Exhibit 2?

00:33:00Perhaps you would give us your expert opinion on the effectiveness of bedroom slippers

00:33:06when these have been modified in some such way as we see done in this instance and fitted with crampons.

00:33:13Under ice or snow, these would be virtually useless.

00:33:17Precipitate an avalanche and cover anyone who was on the throne under a few hundred thousand tonnes of snow.

00:33:23Oh, not a happy eventuality, perhaps, for the only unfortunate person so visited.

00:33:27Never sit on the throne again with a quiet mind.

00:33:30It might be said, in fact, that these bedroom slippers are all right for anyone negotiating a rock garden in full daylight.

00:33:35Worse than useless for the sort of terrain we are concerned with here.

00:33:39I wouldn't wear them.

00:33:40Put it that way.

00:33:41So, that in other words, the route is, in your view, an impossible one,

00:33:44even when there is no such distortion as on the model here?

00:33:47Out of the question.

00:33:48A formidable line of argument, which has clearly impressed the jury

00:33:52and which it will now be for the plaintiffs to attempt to demolish in cross-examination.

00:33:58You say you found this route an impossible one?

00:34:03Virtually impossible.

00:34:04Would it be true to say that a mountain goat could negotiate it without any difficulty at all?

00:34:10I'm not familiar with the habits of mountain goats.

00:34:12It would be a reasonable supposition, though, would it not, from what you know of mountain goats?

00:34:18I dare say a mountain goat would make a reasonable stab at it, yes.

00:34:21In other words, a mountain goat could do so,

00:34:24and yet an old-age pensioner, made in the image of God as he is,

00:34:28is unable to do what a mere goat, not so fortunate to have been made in God's image,

00:34:33can do with one hoof tied behind his back, so to speak.

00:34:36A mountain goat can do precious little else but leap about on mountains.

00:34:39That's what it's there for.

00:34:40What you're saying, then, amounts to, correct me if I'm wrong,

00:34:43that though the structure known as Bellamy's Folly

00:34:46may be perfectly acceptable as home for goats who are past their prime,

00:34:52it is to be denied to God's children in their declining years

00:34:56because they're in some way inferior

00:34:58in not being able to reach lavages which have been placed at the bottom

00:35:02with quite the dexterity with which a goat might do so.

00:35:04It's not a question of being inferior.

00:35:06Well, dear, you drew our attention to the overhang.

00:35:11How, in fact, would a qualified mountaineer negotiate such an overhang?

00:35:17Well, one would first find a toehold.

00:35:26Then give a sort of a heave.

00:35:33And Bob's more or less your uncle.

00:35:36When you say, more or less your uncle,

00:35:40is he your uncle or isn't he?

00:35:42It depends, my lord, on the nature of the overhang

00:35:45and the strength of the heave.

00:35:47Would it not be true to say that Bob is, in fact, your uncle?

00:35:50Depends which Bob you're referring to.

00:35:52Well, which Bob are you referring to?

00:35:54I was referring to a hypothetical Bob.

00:35:56A hypothetical Bob!

00:35:58Who, I suggest, is as much your uncle as your uncle is,

00:36:01if not morto.

00:36:02With respect, my lord, I would suggest we are being led here

00:36:04on something of a wild goose chase.

00:36:05Yes.

00:36:06Psst, psst.

00:36:10Where is this line of questioning leading?

00:36:14I shall be in a better position to say, blood,

00:36:17when we've got there.

00:36:19Well, I think we're chasing a blind goose up a wild alley

00:36:22and might well adjourn at this point.

00:36:24We will resume at two o'clock.

00:36:27It seems that counsel may have cooked his client's goose at this juncture.

00:36:30If so, he has now no alternative but to lie on it.

00:36:33We shall see.

00:36:41As we come back at a somewhat later stage in the hearing,

00:36:45counsel has just finished his examination of his second witness,

00:36:48an old-age pensioner who has sustained injury

00:36:50by falling several hundred feet and missing the mattresses placed at the bottom.

00:36:55Counsel for the plaintiff is about to cross-examine.

00:36:57We've heard your story as to how you came by the injuries you sustained,

00:37:02which is that you missed your footing

00:37:04and fell, in consequence, some several hundred feet

00:37:07down the mountainside.

00:37:10That's right.

00:37:12I would like to suggest to you that your injuries were, in fact,

00:37:14sustained in a quite different manner.

00:37:16No.

00:37:18I fell from this ledge and missed the mattress at the bottom.

00:37:23Let me take you back a number of years

00:37:25to the time when you were quite a young man,

00:37:2720 years old, in fact.

00:37:30At that time,

00:37:31like a number of other young men

00:37:32who were affected by the same craze,

00:37:34you were bitten by the bug,

00:37:36if I could put it,

00:37:38of ventriloquism.

00:37:38I dabbled.

00:37:41Ah, you dabbled.

00:37:42But with scant success, I fancy.

00:37:44Well, I never got to the top.

00:37:46I would put it to you,

00:37:47that never even rose from the bottom.

00:37:48Well, it wasn't for the one to triumph.

00:37:50It is by no means clear

00:37:51what line of argument is being pursued here,

00:37:53and the judge is himself obviously far from certain.

00:37:57In recent years,

00:37:59the memory of that failure

00:38:01has come increasingly to irk you, has it not?

00:38:03To the extent

00:38:05that you've begun,

00:38:06in a somewhat clandestine manner,

00:38:08to take it up again.

00:38:10Retiring behind closed doors

00:38:12in order to try,

00:38:13not altogether successfully,

00:38:14once more to throw your voice

00:38:15from one end of the room to the other.

00:38:17The doors were not closed.

00:38:19Neither were the windows,

00:38:21I venture to suggest.

00:38:22What have the windows got to do with it?

00:38:24My contention is

00:38:25that they were open, my lord,

00:38:27and that witness,

00:38:29whose voice is a very powerful one,

00:38:31might well,

00:38:31in endeavouring to throw his voice,

00:38:34have found his voice instead throwing him.

00:38:36Oh, was this an upstairs room?

00:38:38It was sort of, uh, upstairs.

00:38:41And you went out

00:38:42through the open window,

00:38:45whilst your voice,

00:38:45which was more powerful than you thought it was,

00:38:47remained where it was,

00:38:48in the room across which you were trying to throw it.

00:38:50I landed in the plurbed.

00:38:53I see.

00:38:55These injuries, in short,

00:38:58were sustained in a manner

00:39:00totally at variance

00:39:01with the ones that you've described to us.

00:39:04Some of them might have been.

00:39:05And the story, therefore,

00:39:07of your fall,

00:39:08having fallen from a ledge

00:39:09several hundred feet up in the Cairngorms,

00:39:12is the purest fabrication

00:39:13from beginning to end.

00:39:14Well, I suppose it, uh, could be.

00:39:17Ha, ha, thank you.

00:39:19Constemation.

00:39:20It is by no means usual

00:39:21for a witness to admit

00:39:22to quite such blatant perjury

00:39:23in the witness box

00:39:24and while under oath.

00:39:25And it is something

00:39:26which will clearly have to be dealt with

00:39:27elsewhere and at some other time.

00:39:29Meanwhile,

00:39:30as the effect of this extraordinary admission

00:39:32dies down,

00:39:33the hearing continues.

00:39:34There is a slight interruption

00:39:48at this point

00:39:48as a witness attempts

00:39:49to force his way

00:39:50into the witness box.

00:39:51He is clearly in a state

00:39:52of some distress

00:39:53and the hearing must go

00:39:54into abeyance

00:39:54for a few moments

00:39:55for his needs to be attended to

00:39:57as a matter of urgency.

00:39:59Judge and counsel

00:40:00are in conference

00:40:01over the most suitable way

00:40:02to deal with the emergency

00:40:03as witness bursting with evidence

00:40:04which he obviously

00:40:05cannot keep bottled up

00:40:06for very much longer

00:40:07strives as best he can

00:40:08to contain himself.

00:40:12You represent lactic dairies?

00:40:15That is so.

00:40:16And should have been here yesterday?

00:40:18Yes.

00:40:18To give evidence

00:40:19in a totally different case?

00:40:20I was led to understand

00:40:21I could get evidence

00:40:22on this case instead.

00:40:23Why were you not in court yesterday

00:40:25if any were required?

00:40:26I'm having trouble

00:40:27with one of our rounds

00:40:28with him, my lord.

00:40:29In what way?

00:40:31He was playing ducks and drakes

00:40:33not to put too fine

00:40:34a pot on it, my lord

00:40:35with his milk float.

00:40:36Is this really serious enough

00:40:38to prevent your coming here

00:40:39to give evidence?

00:40:40The float, my lord,

00:40:41is by weighing

00:40:41being the tradesman's

00:40:43badge of office.

00:40:44It's held by him

00:40:45on trust for the duration

00:40:46of his tour of duty.

00:40:47He is the temporary custodian.

00:40:49When you say

00:40:50he was playing ducks

00:40:51and drakes with it

00:40:52what does this mean

00:40:52in plain terms?

00:40:54Not to beat about

00:40:55the bush, my lord

00:40:55and mince words in any way.

00:40:58He'd gone down

00:40:59to brighten on it.

00:41:00Well, is it not

00:41:00in the nature

00:41:01of this milk float

00:41:02that it is open

00:41:03to abuse in this way?

00:41:04We do our best

00:41:05to prevent it, my lord.

00:41:08What evidence is it

00:41:09that this witness

00:41:10is proposing to give?

00:41:12It is in respect

00:41:12of a case of assault

00:41:13and battery, my lord,

00:41:14involving a husband and wife.

00:41:17It's highly irregular

00:41:18that a witness

00:41:18called to give evidence

00:41:19in one case

00:41:20should come to court

00:41:21expecting to be accommodated

00:41:22on a different day

00:41:23in another.

00:41:23If evidence cannot

00:41:25for whatever reason

00:41:26be given at the proper time

00:41:27and in the proper place

00:41:27it must be bottled up

00:41:29until such time

00:41:30as there is

00:41:31a similar case

00:41:31of the same kind.

00:41:33The witness is clearly

00:41:33in a state of some distress,

00:41:35my lad.

00:41:36How long will it take you

00:41:37to get whatever it is

00:41:38out of your system?

00:41:40A couple of minutes,

00:41:41my lord,

00:41:41depending upon the questions.

00:41:43Very well.

00:41:44In future,

00:41:45you will make sure

00:41:45that you are here

00:41:46when you are required.

00:41:48Give your evidence

00:41:48to counsel

00:41:49and I shall instruct

00:41:50the jury

00:41:50to ignore it accordingly.

00:41:52Thank you, my lord.

00:41:55I'm much obliged to you.

00:41:56It's a great release.

00:41:58Where were you

00:41:58on the night

00:41:59of the 24th of August

00:42:00last year?

00:42:00I was on holiday

00:42:01in Scotland.

00:42:02And could not therefore

00:42:02have been able to witness

00:42:03a case of assault

00:42:04and battery in Wanstead?

00:42:05No.

00:42:06No questions, my lord.

00:42:10You can stand down.

00:42:11A second old-age pensioner,

00:42:20Mrs. Olga Freetumble,

00:42:21has been called by counsel

00:42:22and is now likewise

00:42:23being cross-examined

00:42:24by plaintiff's counsel,

00:42:26who is deploying

00:42:26a neat and intriguing

00:42:28line of argument.

00:42:29Old-age pensioners,

00:42:30we are given to understand,

00:42:32making the journey,

00:42:34sometimes in the middle

00:42:34of the night

00:42:35and missing their footing,

00:42:37show a tendency

00:42:38to arrive at the bottom

00:42:39with undue suddenness.

00:42:41Oh, they do.

00:42:42I did myself.

00:42:44Which is disconcerting

00:42:45and could indeed be fatal.

00:42:46It nearly was.

00:42:48We've all heard the story,

00:42:49have we not,

00:42:50of the clumsy housemaid

00:42:51who, dropping a plate

00:42:54or a cup to the floor

00:42:56where it smashes beyond repair,

00:42:59is heard to exclaim indignantly,

00:43:01but I only let go of it

00:43:03for a split second,

00:43:05whereupon she receives the retort,

00:43:08it's enough, Mavis.

00:43:10Yes?

00:43:11No, it well may be,

00:43:12may it not,

00:43:14but for the force of gravity,

00:43:16that plate or cup

00:43:18could have remained intact

00:43:19to this day.

00:43:20No reason why not.

00:43:22It is now some 300 years or so,

00:43:25is it not,

00:43:26since gravity

00:43:28was discovered

00:43:29by Sir Isaac Newton.

00:43:31Well, I suppose

00:43:32that would be so.

00:43:33Indeed, he had been

00:43:33hunting high and low for it,

00:43:35had he not

00:43:36over a considerable period of time.

00:43:38I wouldn't know about that.

00:43:40And the search was finally crowned with success,

00:43:42if legend is to be believed,

00:43:44when he came upon it,

00:43:46so we are told,

00:43:47in the back of a boot and shoe cupboard,

00:43:50to which he had gone

00:43:51in search for something else.

00:43:53And saw it crouching down behind,

00:43:56so they say,

00:43:57a roll of linoleum,

00:43:59swathed from head to foot

00:44:01in some kind of curtain material,

00:44:03doubtless hoping thereby

00:44:05to be mistaken for Henry Irving

00:44:06in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

00:44:09The vain hope,

00:44:10as it turned out.

00:44:12For Sir Isaac recognised it at once

00:44:13and made the famous remark,

00:44:15you are the force of gravity

00:44:16and I claim my five pounds.

00:44:19Now, had he not had the presence

00:44:21so to do,

00:44:23it is possible that gravity

00:44:24may have eluded him.

00:44:27And that, in consequence,

00:44:28we might still be looking for it.

00:44:30Well, I suppose that could be true, yes.

00:44:38Where is this line of questioning leading?

00:44:41I was endeavouring to demonstrate,

00:44:42my lad,

00:44:43that the force of gravity

00:44:44is a significant factor here

00:44:45and that the lion's share

00:44:47for the blame for the witness's injury

00:44:49must be laid fairly and squarely

00:44:52at the door of Sir Isaac Newton,

00:44:54since it was his discovery of gravity

00:44:56in the 17th century

00:44:57that may be said to have set in motion

00:44:59the course of events

00:45:00which have culminated in these injuries.

00:45:03And that, if this be so,

00:45:04my clients are blameless in the matter.

00:45:06Is it your contention

00:45:07that if the force of gravity

00:45:09were done away with,

00:45:10no harm would have befallen

00:45:12these unfortunate people?

00:45:13It is my submission, my lad,

00:45:15that they would have been able

00:45:16to take their time

00:45:17getting both down and up.

00:45:19This is a line of argument

00:45:20so potentially damaging to the defence

00:45:22that council must lose no time

00:45:24in scotching it.

00:45:26Many is the time, I dare say,

00:45:28when all of us,

00:45:29in a moment of exasperation,

00:45:31as a precious vase or ornament

00:45:32has fallen to the floor

00:45:33and smashed beyond repair,

00:45:35have said to ourselves,

00:45:36to hell with gravity

00:45:37and all its works.

00:45:39You must indeed

00:45:40have uttered some such

00:45:41expostulation yourself,

00:45:42I imagine.

00:45:43Oh, yes, many a time.

00:45:45That gravity is holding

00:45:46the universe together,

00:45:48is it not?

00:45:49Oh, so they say.

00:45:50So that were your wish

00:45:51and those of countless others

00:45:53in like circumstances

00:45:54to be granted

00:45:55and gravity be indeed

00:45:57done away with.

00:45:58The universe would forthwith

00:45:59fall apart at the seams

00:46:01and you and I

00:46:02would wake up one fine morning

00:46:03only to find ourselves

00:46:04stepping out of bed

00:46:05into empty space.

00:46:07Oh,

00:46:08I suppose that could be so,

00:46:10yes.

00:46:11There are those who might

00:46:12in such a situation

00:46:13be disposed to say

00:46:13what's happened

00:46:14to the flaming universe

00:46:15all of a sudden.

00:46:16It seems to have disappeared

00:46:17off the face of the earth,

00:46:18adding perhaps as an afterthought

00:46:20it must have gone round

00:46:21to its auntie Flo's

00:46:22for some reason,

00:46:24doubtless having heard

00:46:25of a death in the family

00:46:26and wishing to offer

00:46:27its condolences.

00:46:28And its being early

00:46:30closing death of butchers

00:46:31would lend some plausibility

00:46:33to such an assumption

00:46:33since there could be

00:46:35little other reason

00:46:35for its absence.

00:46:37Well,

00:46:37I wouldn't know about that.

00:46:39At all events,

00:46:40no matter with what fervour

00:46:41one might on occasion

00:46:42wish gravity to the devil,

00:46:44the disappearance

00:46:44of the universe

00:46:45would be something

00:46:46that as an old-age pensioner

00:46:48you would not greatly appreciate

00:46:50being saddled with,

00:46:51having enough to contend with

00:46:52already in these

00:46:53inflationary times.

00:46:54Oh, no.

00:46:55I wouldn't like to do

00:46:56without the universe.

00:46:57You'd kick up a bit

00:46:58of a stink, in fact,

00:46:59to use a homely expression.

00:47:01I think it would be a liberty.

00:47:03You think it would be a liberty?

00:47:04Yes, I do.

00:47:07On that somewhat unsettling note,

00:47:09we must leave Crown Court

00:47:10for today.

00:47:11Join us tomorrow

00:47:12for another instalment

00:47:13in the case of

00:47:14Cosmic Planning Consultants

00:47:15versus the Rosenberg

00:47:16Research Foundation.

00:47:17ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS

00:47:28ORGAN PLAYS

00:47:58The case from which we're about to see some further edited highlights

00:48:18is just as fictitious as before and the procedure no more legally accurate.

00:48:22The characters are still being played by actors

00:48:24and the jury is made up of people who at the end of the hearing

00:48:27were retired to the jury room in order to be told what verdict to come to.

00:48:31We're now entering the 73rd day in the case of Cosmic Planning Consultants

00:48:35versus the Rosenberg Research Foundation,

00:48:38in which by an oversight an old people's home 3,000 feet up in the Cairngorms

00:48:42has been provided with lavatories situated at the foot of a sheer precipice

00:48:46several thousand feet below.

00:48:49It's been an exceptionally protracted hearing,

00:48:51during which both sides have put up what the judge has referred to

00:48:54as a veritable smokescreen of red herrings.

00:48:58It's in the nature of red herrings, however,

00:49:00that sooner or later they come home to roost,

00:49:03and in these final stages of the hearing

00:49:05we may expect to hear the flapping of their wings.

00:49:08Defence counsel is questioning a vital witness.

00:49:11Why is he dressed in this peculiar manner?

00:49:14He is a Sherpa, my lad,

00:49:16a Himalayan mountain guide

00:49:17whose occupation it is to lead climbers

00:49:19to the summits of such mountains as Everest.

00:49:21Everest?

00:49:22Yes, my lad.

00:49:24What is there about the summit of Everest

00:49:26that makes it so vital to arrive there?

00:49:29It is done in order to keep such people

00:49:30a Sherpa solo kombu here in business, my lad,

00:49:33and so prevent their becoming a burden on the state

00:49:35by reason of unemployment.

00:49:37I see.

00:49:37And you have come here straight from the Himalayas?

00:49:41Yes, sir.

00:49:42Having had no time to change.

00:49:44I was in the middle, sir,

00:49:46of taking a party up the foot of Everest

00:49:48when I was summoned to be here

00:49:50to give evidence to the court.

00:49:51Where is this party now?

00:49:54They're on the mountainside playing Ludo, my lad,

00:49:56awaiting his return.

00:49:58Are they safe?

00:49:59Oh, yes, sir.

00:50:01They're all roped together.

00:50:02I said I wouldn't be long.

00:50:04He came here hot foot, my lad.

00:50:05Hot foot?

00:50:06Yes, my lad.

00:50:07How hot?

00:50:08Not very now, sir.

00:50:09He arrived some moments ago, my lad,

00:50:11and has been cooling his heels.

00:50:13Do you want time to cool the rest of your feet?

00:50:15No, thank you, sir.

00:50:16I'm fine.

00:50:17In view of the people waiting on the mountain

00:50:19for his return, my lad,

00:50:20it might be better to expedite matters

00:50:22in respect of this witness.

00:50:24As long as his feet are hot,

00:50:27though they may be still in certain parts,

00:50:30not doing any damage to the floor of the witness box.

00:50:33There are scorch marks from a previous witness

00:50:39in another case, my lord,

00:50:40but no further damage.

00:50:42Very well.

00:50:43Council can now begin questioning the witness

00:50:45as to his dealings with cosmic planning consultants.

00:50:47Ineptitude is a word which has been bandied about

00:50:52with some frequency in respect of operations

00:50:54advised upon by cosmic planning consultants

00:50:56and in far-flung places.

00:50:58Oh, certainly so in the Himalayas.

00:51:01Now, when you were called upon to act as guide

00:51:03to such of these old folk

00:51:04as needed to make the descent in the small hours,

00:51:06were you surprised in any way to learn

00:51:08that it was necessary for them

00:51:10to negotiate so difficult a route

00:51:12in order to be able to attend to a simple call of nature?

00:51:15Not when I knew who the planning consultants had been.

00:51:18Would it be true to say

00:51:18that they were a byword for incompetence wherever you went?

00:51:21Absolutely.

00:51:22They were indeed,

00:51:23not to put too fine a point on it,

00:51:25a standing joke in places as far apart

00:51:27as Worthing and Walla Walla

00:51:28than which no two places could be farther apart.

00:51:31Oh, difficult.

00:51:32Unless one perhaps were to take a very circuitous route.

00:51:35Exactly.

00:51:36Now, during the course of your duties,

00:51:38in and around Bellamy's folly,

00:51:40here at the summit of this escarpment in the Cairngorms,

00:51:43you must frequently have heard remarks

00:51:45passed by the pensioners

00:51:46in which the sighting of the lavatories was the subject.

00:51:49It was the sole topic of conversation.

00:51:51Nor was the tenor of these remarks

00:51:52notably flattering to cosmic planning consultants

00:51:55under whose aegis they had been placed there so awkwardly.

00:51:58They thought it was a disgrace.

00:52:00In a sense, therefore,

00:52:01it would be true to say that this particular boob,

00:52:03if that is not too strong a word,

00:52:06was, in a manner of speaking,

00:52:08a vindication of an already widespread

00:52:10and long-standing reputation

00:52:11for errors of a startling magnitude.

00:52:13That would be so.

00:52:16This is a strong witness

00:52:17whose evidence is potentially very damaging to the plaintiffs,

00:52:21whose counsel must now seek to undermine his credibility

00:52:23in the eyes of the jury.

00:52:25As an experienced mountain guide

00:52:28who has been on many an expedition to Everest,

00:52:31among other mountains,

00:52:33you were called in on this scheme at an early stage

00:52:35to reconnoiter in the Alps for a suitable site

00:52:38prior to Bellamy's folly

00:52:41being, as it were, found to be tailor-made for the purpose.

00:52:44That is so.

00:52:45And you were combing the Alps on this, Alan,

00:52:48and were at the top of the Matterhorn

00:52:49when news reached you that the site had been found

00:52:51near a home in the Cairngorms.

00:52:52Yes.

00:52:54What was your reaction to the news, as best you recall?

00:52:57I was a bit put out.

00:52:59You were, I suggest, hardly chuffed.

00:53:01No.

00:53:02You used the word typical, in fact.

00:53:05I may have said something of the kind.

00:53:07I suggest your disenchantment with this eventuality

00:53:10coloured your attitude and your thinking not a little.

00:53:13Not really.

00:53:14There was a further cause for Dudgeon as well, was there not,

00:53:17when you returned for a time to your four more familiar haunts

00:53:21in the Himalayas,

00:53:22where you were wont to stray when not on duty,

00:53:25in the search, perhaps, for the perfect Himalaya,

00:53:29the Himalaya of your dreams,

00:53:31the Himalaya which nevertheless perpetually eluded you.

00:53:35I can't remember any Dudgeon.

00:53:36Well, let me remind you.

00:53:40It is a fact, is it not,

00:53:42that while you were traipsing round the Alps on behalf of the defendants,

00:53:45you picked up the habit of yodelling

00:53:47from such Swiss Alpine guides

00:53:50as you were thrown amongst from time to time.

00:53:52insofar that it began to grow on you and you found yourself doing it almost by force of habit,

00:54:00unaware that you were doing so.

00:54:02I indulge in the odd yodel.

00:54:04Rather more, I would suggest, than the odd yodel.

00:54:09So much so that there were complaints

00:54:11and you had more than one brush with the Nepalese government about it.

00:54:15We communicated.

00:54:17What was the substance of those communications?

00:54:19I can't remember.

00:54:21Let me refresh your memory once again.

00:54:24The burden of the complaints made to you

00:54:28was that your yodelling,

00:54:30by your yodelling,

00:54:32you were keeping the entire sub-Indian continent awake at night.

00:54:36Since you by now had taken to nocturnal yodelling

00:54:39and that it was a case not to put too fine a point on it,

00:54:42a belt up or else.

00:54:43It was trumped up.

00:54:45I yodelled in an undertone at night.

00:54:49Can you give his lordship and the jury

00:54:51an example of what you mean by yodelling in an undertone?

00:55:15Perhaps not a welcome sound

00:55:17to the ears of the sleeping populace around.

00:55:19It echoed?

00:55:21Precisely.

00:55:22From Himalaya to Himalaya

00:55:24and then south to Kornpor

00:55:26and even more remote regions.

00:55:29If the wind were in the right direction,

00:55:31you could have been heard as far away as Tibet.

00:55:33Only once.

00:55:35I would suggest to you

00:55:36that reactions to your yodelling

00:55:38were characterised by a singular lack of restraint

00:55:41and that a rising out of this

00:55:43hackles rose on both sides.

00:55:45Not all that much.

00:55:47And it is this feeling of suppressed rancour

00:55:49that colours your interpretation

00:55:52of the remarks you say you overheard

00:55:54from the old age pensioners

00:55:56when descending to the lavatories at night

00:55:57and at other times.

00:55:58I am only saying what I heard.

00:56:01Some cheerfully disrespectful remarks.

00:56:05Remarks indicative of a certain degree

00:56:07perhaps of blunt humour

00:56:08from which there was a total absence

00:56:10of any kind of rancour

00:56:11and partaking of the nature

00:56:14of light-hearted pleasantries.

00:56:16Not to be taken too seriously.

00:56:19The air was blue.

00:56:21At such an altitude

00:56:22and in so rarefied an atmosphere

00:56:24conversation might well have begun to flag

00:56:28but for some such fodder to keep it going,

00:56:30might it not?

00:56:32And the pensioners might well have been grateful

00:56:34for some topic of this nature

00:56:36to keep boredom at bay.

00:56:39That was not my impression.

00:56:41Nevertheless, it's possible.

00:56:43It's possible, yes.

00:56:46That is my case, my lad.

00:56:48The hearing is now entering its final stages

00:56:51as counsel for plaintiffs

00:56:52embarks on his speech to the jury.

00:57:02This case, members of the jury,

00:57:05has been marked by a number of irrelevant side issues

00:57:08which I propose to deal with

00:57:10and dispose of at the outset.

00:57:13We've heard evidence, for example,

00:57:14from expert witnesses

00:57:15in respect of rubber teeth.

00:57:18Rubber teeth, it has been said,

00:57:21have the advantage that if they happen to fall out,

00:57:23they bounce.

00:57:24Now, it is not perhaps generally known,

00:57:27for instance,

00:57:28that a tiger in the wild

00:57:29can be driven clean out of its mind

00:57:32by the simple stratagem

00:57:33of replacing its own teeth

00:57:35under a suitable anaesthetic

00:57:37with rubber ones.

00:57:38With rubber ones.

00:57:38When next it attempts,

00:57:41ineffectually to tear at its prey,

00:57:44the hapless tiger,

00:57:46unaware that rubber teeth

00:57:48have been substituted for its own,

00:57:49will look around in total bafflement

00:57:52as it tries ineffectually again and again

00:57:55to dismember its prey.

00:57:56Well, what of the prey

00:57:59thus spared?

00:58:01Will it not perhaps start as a result

00:58:03to adopt a perhaps fatally lardy-dar attitude

00:58:07under the erroneous impression

00:58:09that it bears a charmed life?

00:58:11It is clearly part of Council's strategy here,

00:58:14as it has been throughout,

00:58:15to deflect attention away from those matters

00:58:17which are germane to the case

00:58:19and concentrate instead on side issues

00:58:21of doubtful relevance.

00:58:22And this is what is happening here.

00:58:25The jungle is a cruel place.

00:58:29And we would be wrong to suppose

00:58:30that this in any way

00:58:31justifies the contention

00:58:33on behalf of the defendants of this action,

00:58:35the Rosenberg Research Foundation,

00:58:38that their remarks were in any sense fair comment.

00:58:41Rubber teeth having been effectively disposed of,

00:58:43Council winds up his speech to the jury

00:58:45by referring to a point he himself raised

00:58:47earlier in the hearing

00:58:48and wishes now to heap scorn upon.

00:58:52Much has been made during this hearing

00:58:56of the responsibility devolving

00:58:59upon Sir Isaac Newton

00:59:01in having discovered the force of gravity

00:59:04in, we are told,

00:59:05the back of a boot and shoe covered.

00:59:08Had he not done so,

00:59:10we are invited to assume,

00:59:11no harm would have befallen

00:59:15any of the unfortunate age,

00:59:17the old age pensioners

00:59:18whose precipitated arrival

00:59:20at the bottom of a 3,000 foot drop

00:59:22has so incommoded them.

00:59:24No, this is not a matter

00:59:27that I propose to spend time on now.

00:59:30Sir Isaac Newton's was a mind,

00:59:33in the poet words,

00:59:34was celebrated phrase,

00:59:35forever voyaging

00:59:37through strange seas of thought alone.

00:59:41Now it is there, I would suggest,

00:59:43that it might be left.

00:59:45There, I think we might also leave it.

00:59:48We will resume at 2.15.

00:59:51As we return to the court,

01:00:01counsel for the defence

01:00:02is making his final submission to the jury,

01:00:04and we pick him up

01:00:05as he enters upon his peroration.

01:00:08It has been said, members of the jury,

01:00:10that to err is human.

01:00:13I would suggest to you

01:00:14that to err no fewer than 231 times,

01:00:18and on a quite disproportionate scale,

01:00:20as cosmic planning consultants

01:00:22have done over the years,

01:00:23is not human, but superhuman.

01:00:27The plaintiffs are bringing this case

01:00:29because they say

01:00:29they have been injured in their reputation

01:00:31by the words complained of.

01:00:33One might well ask what reputation?

01:00:35A reputation for making monumental boobs?

01:00:38Cock-ups on a scale

01:00:39altogether unprecedented

01:00:40in the field of engineering?

01:00:43I would suggest to you

01:00:43that their reputation,

01:00:45so far from being in any way injured,

01:00:47has been abundantly vindicated.

01:00:49We have heard how venture after venture

01:00:51on which the plaintiffs have been advisers

01:00:53has come to a disastrous end.

01:00:55We have heard indeed

01:00:56of no single project

01:00:57which has succeeded.

01:00:59The record is one of disaster

01:01:00following upon disaster.

01:01:02They have, it might be said,

01:01:03a reputation for ineptitude

01:01:05unmatched anywhere in their field.

01:01:08All my clients have done

01:01:10in publishing the words complained of

01:01:12is to advance that reputation,

01:01:14not diminish it.

01:01:16In my submission, therefore,

01:01:18the plaintiff has failed to establish his case,

01:01:20and I will ask for judgment

01:01:21for the defendants with costs.

01:01:22It is clear that this line of reasoning

01:01:25has impressed the jury

01:01:26and is causing some concern

01:01:28to the plaintiffs,

01:01:28who must now be anxiously awaiting

01:01:30the judges summing up.

01:01:32Libel is the publication of a false

01:01:36and derogatory statement about someone

01:01:38which may have a tendency to injure him

01:01:41in his office, profession, or trade.

01:01:45The defence is one of justification

01:01:47and fair comment.

01:01:48Now, in order that this defence may stand,

01:01:53you, the jury, must be satisfied

01:01:55that the words in question

01:01:56are based on facts truly stated,

01:01:59or that they are honestly believed to be true,

01:02:02and that the defendants were not inspired

01:02:03by malice towards the plaintiffs,

01:02:05and, finally,

01:02:07that they are on a matter of public interest.

01:02:10You are a lecturer in anthropology

01:02:34of the University of Wakefield.

01:02:36Yes, I am.

01:02:38It says here you've had wide experience

01:02:40in this field.

01:02:40I've had wide experience

01:02:42in a number of fields.

01:02:44How wide were these experiences?

01:02:46They varied in width.

01:02:47How wide was the widest of them?

01:02:50Well, was it rather wide?

01:02:54Very wide?

01:02:54Wider at one end than the other?

01:02:56It bulged out in the middle.

01:02:59You are not a stranger, perhaps,

01:03:00to experiences which bulge out in the middle?

01:03:03This is a witness,

01:03:04who, having arrived too late

01:03:06to give evidence to counsel

01:03:07from the witness box,

01:03:08as she had hoped,

01:03:08must make do with the cleaning lady,

01:03:10in whose capable hands

01:03:12she can safely be left,

01:03:13as we go back into court,

01:03:15where the judge is now dealing

01:03:16with the evidence

01:03:16given by Mrs. Startferritt

01:03:18concerning her husband's visit

01:03:20to a commissioner for oaths.

01:03:21This is a matter of which,

01:03:25because it has no bearing

01:03:26whatsoever on the case before you,

01:03:28you must expunge totally

01:03:29from your minds.

01:03:31For this reason,

01:03:32I must take you through

01:03:33Mrs. Startferritt's evidence

01:03:34in some detail,

01:03:36since no smallest scintilla

01:03:38of doubt or uncertainty

01:03:40must exist in your minds

01:03:42as to what it is

01:03:43you are disregarding.

01:03:45Mrs. Startferritt's husband,

01:03:47you will recall,

01:03:48was nailing up a picture

01:03:49of the infant Jesus

01:03:50in their living room

01:03:51when he struck his thumb

01:03:53with a hammer,

01:03:54the very hammer

01:03:54with which he was proposing

01:03:55to knock in the nail

01:03:57to hold the picture.

01:03:59His natural impulse

01:04:00was to cry out,

01:04:02using one of a vast number

01:04:05of putative expletives

01:04:07of which it may be

01:04:09sodden blast,

01:04:11would be a fairly

01:04:12representative example.

01:04:13Mr. Startferritt,

01:04:15being a responsible citizen,

01:04:17restrained himself

01:04:18at that juncture,

01:04:20holding back the oath

01:04:20with the help of a gag,

01:04:22quickly improvised

01:04:23by his spouse

01:04:24the moment he saw

01:04:25how matters lay,

01:04:26and made off,

01:04:28accompanied by

01:04:29Mrs. Startferritt,

01:04:31hot foot to his nearest

01:04:32commission of oaths,

01:04:34in order to let him,

01:04:35as the expression is,

01:04:37have a right mouthful,

01:04:39and so get it well

01:04:40and truly out of his system.

01:04:41It was no part

01:04:44of his plan,

01:04:46however,

01:04:47on setting out

01:04:48for the solicitors

01:04:48in the High Street

01:04:49that he should be hit

01:04:51on the head

01:04:51with a chair leg,

01:04:53almost immediately

01:04:54on injury.

01:04:56Nevertheless,

01:04:57this is what happened.

01:05:01For what followed,

01:05:04I must call on counsel

01:05:05to refresh my memory,

01:05:07and the jury will therefore

01:05:08absent themselves

01:05:09for a few moments

01:05:10until asked to return.

01:05:11It is a most unusual departure

01:05:13from normal judicial practice

01:05:15for a judge to interrupt

01:05:16his summing up in this way.

01:05:18One can only assume

01:05:19that a page of his notes

01:05:20has been made illegible

01:05:21in some way,

01:05:22perhaps by Coco

01:05:23having been upset over them.

01:05:26There's nothing legible

01:05:27in my notes here

01:05:28as to how it was proposed

01:05:30to bring the husband round again,

01:05:32after he'd been laid low

01:05:33by means of the chair leg.

01:05:35I think it was intended

01:05:36to give him what was described

01:05:37by witness

01:05:37as a kick up the backside,

01:05:38my lad.

01:05:39Well, that would certainly

01:05:40be in keeping,

01:05:41but the whole thing

01:05:42seems to be the smack

01:05:43of the Middle Ages.

01:05:44It is a bone of contention

01:05:45as to how best

01:05:46to deal with this situation,

01:05:47my lad.

01:05:47It has been known indeed

01:05:48for a solicitor

01:05:49to require help

01:05:50and to find himself

01:05:52tossing a semi-comatose client

01:05:53around like a rag doll

01:05:54in a somewhat desperate

01:05:56and indeed vain attempt

01:05:57to produce results.

01:05:58It would be a perfectly

01:06:00simple matter

01:06:01and I would have thought

01:06:02to throw a bucket of water

01:06:04and achieve the same result

01:06:05much more simply.

01:06:06There is a school of thought

01:06:07which does favour this,

01:06:08my lad,

01:06:09but it has all too frequently

01:06:11been known

01:06:11for a client to come round

01:06:13and kick one

01:06:14rather forcibly

01:06:15on the shins.

01:06:16Yes, with the added problem

01:06:17that the solicitor,

01:06:18when so kicked,

01:06:19may involuntarily come out

01:06:21with an untrimeditated oath.

01:06:23And in so doing

01:06:23bring the law

01:06:24into disrepute?

01:06:25Yes.

01:06:25The instances have occurred

01:06:27of solicitors ending up

01:06:28in Dartmoor breaking stones

01:06:29as a result of

01:06:31unauthorised irregularities

01:06:32in the oaths procedure.

01:06:33And this is not

01:06:34an eventuality

01:06:35that one would wish

01:06:36to encourage.

01:06:37Indeed, Lord.

01:06:38For many,

01:06:40there would be a tendency,

01:06:41my lad,

01:06:41on seeing this happen

01:06:42to others,

01:06:43to say this is not

01:06:44what I came into

01:06:44soliciting for.

01:06:46Yes,

01:06:46one can readily imagine

01:06:47some such response.

01:06:49It is nevertheless

01:06:50a matter that should be

01:06:51looked into

01:06:52with the least possible delay,

01:06:54possibly by the setting up

01:06:55of a royal commission

01:06:56or some other machinery

01:06:58such as our legislators

01:06:59and their wisdom

01:06:59may devise.

01:07:00I think we could have

01:07:01the jury back now,

01:07:02if you please.

01:07:04Meanwhile,

01:07:04witness is still being questioned

01:07:06in the corridor

01:07:06outside the court.

01:07:08Perhaps you would care

01:07:09to look closely

01:07:10at this photograph.

01:07:11It is a photograph

01:07:12of a field,

01:07:13is it not,

01:07:13taken from the air.

01:07:14Yes,

01:07:15I recognise it.

01:07:16It is the very field,

01:07:18is it not,

01:07:18in which you had

01:07:19the experience,

01:07:20one of many,

01:07:21which, as you put it,

01:07:22bulged out in the middle.

01:07:23I remember it

01:07:24because normally

01:07:25I tend to go

01:07:26for the kind of experience

01:07:27which is the same width

01:07:29all the way down.

01:07:30And up?

01:07:31Up too.

01:07:33What was it about

01:07:34this particular field

01:07:36that caused

01:07:36the experience

01:07:37you had in it

01:07:38to differ so radically

01:07:39from those

01:07:40you'd had elsewhere?

01:07:41There were thistles.

01:07:43As we go back,

01:07:44once more to the court,

01:07:45the judge has come

01:07:46to the very crux

01:07:47of the matter

01:07:47the jury will shortly

01:07:49have to consider.

01:07:49What you have to decide,

01:07:52members of the jury,

01:07:53is whether the words

01:07:54used are capable

01:07:55of having a damaging

01:07:57interpretation

01:07:57in the minds

01:07:59of reasonable people

01:08:00reading them

01:08:01or listening to them.

01:08:03Now let me repeat

01:08:04these words to you.

01:08:06They have made

01:08:07a right old bollocks

01:08:08up from start to finish

01:08:09and we're going

01:08:10to take them

01:08:11to the cleaners

01:08:11over this

01:08:12and call their bluff

01:08:13once and for all.

01:08:16Now you or I

01:08:17reading these words

01:08:18in a weekly publication

01:08:19or a daily newspaper

01:08:21or coming across them

01:08:22in a letter

01:08:23over the breakfast table

01:08:24might well be disposed

01:08:26to think first sight

01:08:27that criticism

01:08:28of some kind

01:08:29is being levelled

01:08:30at the person

01:08:30or persons

01:08:31towards whom

01:08:32they are being directed.

01:08:34A right old bollocks

01:08:36up from start to finish.

01:08:38But let us look at this

01:08:40in the context

01:08:42of the other remarks

01:08:44of which it forms part.

01:08:46We are going to take them

01:08:47to the cleaners.

01:08:48We are going to call

01:08:49their bluff

01:08:50once and for all.

01:08:53Well these are the kind

01:08:54of phrases

01:08:54that one would use

01:08:56are they not?

01:08:57Were one in a certain

01:08:58particular kind of mood?

01:09:00If perhaps one's wife

01:09:01had been more than usually

01:09:02cantankerous

01:09:03at breakfast

01:09:04or the car battery

01:09:06was flat

01:09:07when one was attempting

01:09:08to start the car

01:09:09in pursuit of some

01:09:10perhaps rather attractive

01:09:11young woman

01:09:12disappearing rapidly

01:09:13into the distance

01:09:14one would be looking

01:09:16would one not

01:09:17for some way

01:09:18of relieving

01:09:19one's feelings?

01:09:23Nevertheless

01:09:23what you have

01:09:25to decide

01:09:26having respect

01:09:27both to the facts

01:09:29and to what you know

01:09:30of human nature

01:09:30is whether

01:09:32any reasonable person

01:09:33reading

01:09:34those words

01:09:35they have made

01:09:36a right old bollocks

01:09:37up from start to finish

01:09:38and reading them

01:09:39in the context

01:09:40of the other remarks

01:09:41would modify them

01:09:43in his own mind

01:09:44in the light

01:09:44of what

01:09:45reading between the lines

01:09:47he can infer

01:09:48about the writer's

01:09:49state of mind

01:09:50at the time of writing

01:09:51if it says to himself

01:09:53this person

01:09:55this geezer

01:09:56has clearly

01:09:57got out of bed

01:09:58the wrong side

01:09:59on the morning

01:09:59he wrote this

01:10:00and is just getting it

01:10:01out of his system

01:10:02at the expense

01:10:03of the plaintiffs

01:10:03so it hasn't got

01:10:04to be taken too seriously

01:10:06then you may feel

01:10:08that the charge

01:10:08of malice

01:10:09falls down

01:10:10since no reasonable

01:10:12person would attribute

01:10:13malice to it

01:10:13if you accept this

01:10:16it would seem

01:10:17to follow

01:10:17that any damaging

01:10:19imputation

01:10:20contained in the words

01:10:21they have made

01:10:22a right old bollocks

01:10:24up from start to finish

01:10:25is non-existent

01:10:27since no reasonable

01:10:29person

01:10:29knowing the state

01:10:30of mind

01:10:30in which the words

01:10:31were set down

01:10:32would believe them

01:10:34to be literally

01:10:35true

01:10:35the facts

01:10:38therefore

01:10:39that they

01:10:40are literally

01:10:41true

01:10:41if as the defendants

01:10:43have tried to show

01:10:44it is a fact

01:10:44is you may think

01:10:46neither here

01:10:47nor there

01:10:48and may be ignored

01:10:50except by those

01:10:52who have suffered

01:10:52as a result

01:10:53the facts

01:10:56therefore

01:10:56that you have

01:10:56to consider

01:10:57are simple ones

01:10:59it is now

01:11:00for the jury

01:11:01to retire

01:11:02elect a foreman

01:11:03and reach

01:11:03their predetermined

01:11:04verdict

01:11:05members of the jury

01:11:14will your foreman

01:11:15please stand

01:11:15please answer

01:11:18these questions

01:11:18yes or no

01:11:19have you decided

01:11:20upon the answers

01:11:21to the agreed questions

01:11:22which you have

01:11:23before you

01:11:23yes

01:11:24where the words

01:11:25complained of

01:11:26in the defendant's letter

01:11:27and subsequent interview

01:11:28likely to bring

01:11:30the plaintiff

01:11:30into hatred

01:11:31ridicule

01:11:32or contempt

01:11:33yes

01:11:33were the statements

01:11:35true

01:11:36or believed

01:11:36without malice

01:11:37to be true

01:11:38by the defendants

01:11:38yes

01:11:39what sum of damages

01:11:41do you award

01:11:42to the plaintiff's

01:11:43cosmic planning consultants

01:11:441p

01:11:46you can join us again

01:12:08when our cameras return

01:12:09to bring you another case

01:12:10in the crown court

01:12:110p

01:12:19no

01:12:20no

01:12:21no

01:12:22no

01:12:24no

01:12:24you

Crown Court - "An Upward Fall'' (1977)/Michael Jayston,Raymond Huntley, Anton Rodgers

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