Ready to rewrite your midlife story? Don't let menopause be a silent struggle navigated alone in the fast-paced city. "Midlife Journey: A Menopause Conversation" brings you real talk and actionable insights.
Life&The City host Aida Ahmad chats with menopause coach and advocate Karen Tan to discuss everything from managing symptoms and workplace advocacy to strengthening relationships and finding wellness in urban life.
Learn how to thrive, find community, and break the stigma.
The Life & The City podcast series airs fortnightly, spotlighting issues that matter to urbanites.
Catch the full episode on www.youtube.com/@thestaronline/podcasts or www.thestar.com.my/metro
WATCH MORE: https://thestartv.com/c/news
SUBSCRIBE: https://cutt.ly/TheStar
LIKE: https://fb.com/TheStarOnline
Life&The City host Aida Ahmad chats with menopause coach and advocate Karen Tan to discuss everything from managing symptoms and workplace advocacy to strengthening relationships and finding wellness in urban life.
Learn how to thrive, find community, and break the stigma.
The Life & The City podcast series airs fortnightly, spotlighting issues that matter to urbanites.
Catch the full episode on www.youtube.com/@thestaronline/podcasts or www.thestar.com.my/metro
WATCH MORE: https://thestartv.com/c/news
SUBSCRIBE: https://cutt.ly/TheStar
LIKE: https://fb.com/TheStarOnline
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NewsTranscript
00:00how do we talk about women's midlife issues and how do we tell the message that no one
00:11has to struggle alone we are here today with a very important person her name is karen tan
00:17and she has her own podcast and she talks a lot about menopause and we'll get to that in a minute
00:24but first some of the stories that are on the star online and the star is the government
00:32will end the subsidies on eggs on august 1st but it's still a costly uh product for a lot of people
00:42and 13 people were nabbed for fake engine oil production and putra heights victims whose
00:50homes were destroyed but suffered less than 40 percent damages uh under 30 000 ringgit can submit
00:58their claims to the subang jaya city council let's get to our host today karen welcome hi aida karen tan
01:05so glad i'm so glad to have you on our podcast today and yes we will talk about women's midlife issues
01:13menopause which is a subject that is not often addressed more so in the asian context am i right
01:22correct definitely please tell our listeners about yourself well um i'm karen and i'm a menopause
01:29advocate as well as a coach um my role is to really want i want to bring awareness to women out there
01:38whether they're in the 30s or 40s or even as they call it post menopause that you start taking care
01:46of yourself as early as possible uh because with today's medication and you know advanced uh improvement
01:56in health care and all those things we have a lot more studies and we understand our body better
02:02and that your quality of life can be improved vastly just by doing little tweaks in your lifestyle
02:08and diet karen you talk about um other things that involves women's midlife issues i don't want to
02:18say crisis no no no crisis women's midlife issues menopause uh from the mental health perspective
02:26to burnout to family dynamics and redefining the purpose in midlife right which is very important
02:33uh please tell us about that well um the thing is what generally the the the definition of menopause
02:42in general they we hit that around 45 to 55 which also happens to be kind of where our career is at the
02:50peak or getting there uh you're dealing with children you're dealing with elderly parents
02:57so definitely there's a form of burnout and we live in a very highly pressurized society which means
03:04women have so much to prove and we have to be we have to uh perform 10 times better than men we have to
03:14be smarter than in everything that we do to make sure that we succeed um that alone is intense
03:21pressure um and then when you have your biological changes that's happening inside you and you you know
03:29it affects because uh whether you like it or not when the hormonal imbalance comes in it does affect
03:36women in terms of their panic anxiety and of course the physical appearance starts to change
03:43but it's not just about that um the the physical changes that happens it's actually what happens
03:52inside and my uh biggest concern is the mental health especially for women going through this
03:58that's very true that's very true what led you to become a menopause advocate karen okay so it's very
04:07personal aida um when i was going through it actually i started as early as 37 i already showed signs of it
04:16but again because those days we don't know much about it so i i went through spent a lot of money
04:22going through x-rays mri blah blah blah to get all these tests but nothing definite came out of it
04:29so i chugged along going through all this uh i call it really a roller coaster the high highs the low lows
04:36and then when i actually went into a full-scale surgical menopause um and again the doctors
04:44bless them they're very good but they don't tell you what to expect they don't tell you the emotional
04:51impact of it so i went into a um within months um a lot of inflammation hair loss dry skin uh but really
05:01went into very deep depression that suicidal thoughts were not far from it oh dear yeah and
05:09i'm only blessed because my family was there for me um relationships were very
05:16very strained because just because i'm i'm uh uh very irritable and and it's unexplained there's no
05:28reason why i was behaving that way um yet they stood by me and i was able to kind of get myself out of it
05:37and i i truly believe in this cause and i think i've seen too many women already reaching out to help
05:44to get help would you mind sharing what you just mentioned about what surgical menopause what does
05:51that mean um so uh when you do a hysterectomy right right so they remove all your reproductive organ
05:58which means then your hormone starts to deplete really fast yeah and so it is even stronger in terms
06:07of the depletion and so your body have really very little time to adjust unlike for men when they
06:14go through their version of menopause which is andropause they actually the depletion is more
06:21gentle and they're able to withstand that a lot better than women uh so that fluctuation is the
06:28one that causes a lot of physical and mental stress to us so we have read uh in in you know online
06:36blogs uh women talking about it um youtube videos a lot of women talk about it however these women are
06:44mostly um caucasians so in the asian context like we said earlier it's still relatively new yeah i think
06:55um there's not enough studies based on asian women because a lot of the scientific studies were always
07:01based uh men to start with and only in the 1990s they started looking at women's health and even
07:09that was based on caucasian women so um again where we are from our dna genetics really uh play a role
07:19to it as well there must have been some pivotal moments in your life related to menopause awareness
07:26is that right i'm sure um whatever you've dealt with
07:31it proved to be a catalyst for you to start telling people about it telling sorry telling women
07:41about it and that they're not alone and starting this um cohesive engagement is that right right right
07:50so i i think uh during my journey i was desperately searching for uh whether online or offline some
07:59a group a community and i realized i couldn't get any conversation going uh so i ended up joining like
08:07the uk ones or us based uh facebook groups and all and then i said why why is that no conversation
08:15here in malaysia and i and i'm saying surely we also have this problem um so instead of waiting for
08:24something to happen i decided to make it happen wonderful so that's when you started your um
08:29women in midlife club yeah community conversation and you started a youtube channel of your own right
08:37tell us about that so midlife mojo is really a once a week uh program that i put out and you know
08:45i want to show women that we live a much better life and longer life than our ancestors and and
08:54the choice is do you want to live in pain uh and and because you go through anxiety or panic a lot of
09:02women actually retreat they they stop being social they stop all the fun things they used to do
09:09and that becomes that's the start of a depressive state right and and i want to show women that i
09:18met people who are i just met recently a 79 year old who still plays basketball wow i know right and
09:26she's she still learns because she i met her because we were in a in a conference retreat
09:32and she was participating and living life to the fullest wonderful and i think that's what we
09:39should do yes i agree i agree um however we have to uh realize that every woman every woman goes
09:51through a different menopause journey oh yeah definitely to some women it hits them really hard
09:57to others it's pretty much seamless yes they just breeze through it right yeah how did menopause
10:07affect your life i mean from what you just um described earlier about how you had to go through
10:13your hysterectomy hysterectomy that must have been very challenging for you so after you did it right
10:21how did you how how did your journey begin and how is it going um so like i said if within months i could
10:31see the the physical impact so like things like i actually lost a lot hair and then i realized i i'm
10:39someone who exercise every day and then because of the inflammation and pain you don't feel motivated
10:47so you start staying at home right and then uh women are all vain at some point so yeah i'll admit
10:54that exactly right so so when you start looking at yourself and you say oh my god your skin is really
11:00dry and then uh that becomes like no motivation to go out right no motivation to interact with friends
11:08um and then of course something that i think we all neglect is the relationship with our spouse
11:14you know because um vaginal dryness is the real thing it's very painful when you have any intimacy
11:22and that's something that can affect a relationship and so how do you uh broach that conversation for
11:30your spouse to better understand and to get the support um or even with your children because you may be
11:37so irritable you're shouting at them when they look at you strangely and you go
11:41and and how many times i've said mean things that i wonder why did they come out of my mouth and and
11:51i learned to have to apologize a lot after that to say that i'm so sorry i said those nasty things
11:57um so yeah relationships and how you can ask for the right help if you know what's going on and if you
12:06know um why it's happening then you can get the right help even with doctors and with your family
12:15really yeah yeah um while not going into too much of the the medical explanation because you and i
12:22neither of us are doctors to explain this but the effects of menopause on women is because of the
12:32depletion of our vital hormones which are estrogen and progesterone right and testosterone as well
12:39and testosterone as well yes so different parts of our body have estrogen receptors and when these
12:48receptors are depleted of the hormones that's when you know that's the start of menopause and all
12:56these side effects exactly the um moodiness and irritation whatever you just described happens right
13:04um why do you think let's talk about breaking the silence why do you think menopause is still a
13:12taboo and misunderstood topic especially in the asian culture i truly believe it's because first
13:25women are kind of in denial about this right so they they don't um and their belief system is based
13:33on what they experience with their moms and aunts so they kind of resign that oh this is part of aging
13:39and how wrong that is because um it does it's not a disease let me be clear about this it's not a
13:46disease and you can get this as early as 30s so it's not only for old people who gets this
13:54um but if it's like you know how years ago um there was no maternity leave and things yeah and then
14:02people start to realize hey you know women are just kids childbirth and so same thing i think
14:07companies can start recognizing and respect the women who are still very functional still
14:15able to contribute to society but understand that there is this phase and when you have this phase
14:22maybe allow them a little bit of grace in terms of work conditions um because yeah for companies to
14:30realize some women actually have severe headaches yeah severe vertigo um different symptoms for
14:36different women yeah or maybe it's so and uh so hot that they are sweating non-stop so understanding
14:43that maybe that uniform may not fit that person because if you're wearing coats and jackets the whole day
14:48it may not be suitable for that person so just having that conversation and i think companies will
14:56actually have better quality staff as well women who still can contribute because you are talking
15:02about women who maybe have 20 30 years under their belt at this point so how much they can contribute to
15:08the company you know and and a lot of women can do with that support if a boss can say okay i'm gonna give
15:16you some grace and so that you can get over this you know yeah this is the subtopic of women and
15:26workplace advocacy right because if we compare us women who live in cities the demands of city life is
15:35very different uh compared with women living in the rural areas in the villages because you know the saying
15:43it takes a village yes probably women living in the villages they have their circle yeah they have
15:50their own support system yeah yeah but for us women in the city now with the loneliness problem yeah we
16:00tend to retreat so for a lot of us we've we don't have that circle so it can be uh difficult to
16:10learn how to trust build trust and not feel scared yeah in thinking if i tell this person my problems
16:19will this person judge me do i wonder if the this this friend of mine is going through the same thing
16:25as i am right and if they're and if they're not how come am i in this alone exactly right yeah i mean
16:32it's funny that you say that because um that's the reason i created the community is because
16:38sometimes your spouse may not understand or even your best friend may not understand because maybe
16:46she's not going through the same thing as you yeah and so you start keeping quiet and you're not
16:53questioning what's happening so i have so many women who has uh connected with me and say i feel
17:01like i'm alone in this and how all um they actually say am i going crazy is it what what's going on
17:09and when i have that i just have to have one session with them and just say this is normal and and
17:16suddenly you can see like the eyes start to open up they light up yeah and then they go oh i didn't
17:23know and and oh now i know what's going on so um so that's that's what i want to do so that people
17:31don't feel shy about hey i am feeling down and what what's happening yeah and it's okay to ask for
17:39help yeah i think women are too especially when you say urban women we we have to come out to be so
17:46strong guarded so guarded so um so professional right that's true we can't let our guard down
17:55and um ask for help we have it's so difficult for us to ask for help it is and as we approach our
18:04midlife and approach menopause the other issue is another the other side effect is of course weight gain
18:14and it's difficult to go through that as women right yeah it's like when you say you you look at a
18:21cake and you you're not even eating yet you already put on weight right correct you're absolutely right
18:27because i went through that struggle actually i i stand corrected i'm still going through that
18:36struggle right um i'm in my late 40s right and i will get to that menopausal stage soon very soon of
18:45course however um the whole weight gain problem it's um sensitive topic yeah right and it's a painful
18:57thing to go through because like you said we just can just look at a cake we just breathe and we feel
19:03have i eaten have i eaten the cake no i haven't yeah even if it's like um just tasting a crumb or a
19:11sliver makes us feel that we've committed this sinful sinful thing yeah yeah it's hard it's difficult you
19:18know as as uh we get to that stage and you know the the pounds just pile on yeah and
19:26and it's frustrating because you you think okay i'm gonna hit the gym for two hours today but that
19:32doesn't shift your weight at all still it doesn't because there are other contributing factors like
19:37genetics yeah genetics but of course again hormone starts to deplete so your metabolic rate starts to
19:45you know you need to boost it up right again um so it and and so eating the right food can help for
19:51sure um but the main thing is you know that this is a depletion therefore you need to go and get the
19:59right help and ask for the right correct knowing there is this depletion correct issue yeah that's
20:06when you can seek help and do the things that will keep the weight gain at bay correct there are women
20:16who are unaware and like you mentioned earlier are in denial yep um so the thing about weight gain is
20:25just it will continue if you don't do anything about it exactly and yeah we all know with weight gain
20:31uh other diseases comes in correct diabetes and cardiovascular health yeah everything else yeah it's
20:38just uh avalanche i feel yeah yeah but um as a single woman i can empathize with women like yourself
20:51who have families to take care you know your spouse your children and your your hands are on different
20:57burners multitasking right that's a different ball game altogether it is yeah sure but i think that's where
21:04i think we need to have those conversations correct and uh starting with the the closest your nuclear
21:11family and just say hey i think i'm going through this getting it out there so that your children can
21:17help out at home or maybe less irritating to you or maybe your husband can help with laundry
21:26or whatever um that alone can make or break any relationship and even telling your good friend is that i
21:34think i think i'm going through this um you know so that if you have that that blast or volcano
21:42eruption in front of your best friend at least she understands and say okay okay let's take a moment
21:48and breathe yeah yeah i think that's very important um i think that boils down to building the
21:56right support systems yes exactly within our community and even if uh you live alone
22:05there are people you can reach out to for example yourself now that you have um the women in midlife
22:12club yeah which people can check out on youtube what's it called midlife mojo midlife mojo and you
22:18you know the idea is sometimes it's easier to reach out to some someone you don't know that's right someone
22:25you know and that's where us as a community we keep supporting so we we will not judge we we don't know you
22:34personally so we won't be able to you know attack you per se you know it's like that's not the idea
22:40yeah uh it's just saying hey um i hear you i know you're going through and you're not alone you're not
22:48alone and so finding that is um it's such a peace of mind because then you know that hey whatever i'm
22:56feeling i can i can reach out and get the information that i need when you went through your hysterectomy
23:04karen um would you mind telling us how did you navigate your healing through medicine and
23:15alternative therapy if if you did uh if you did so right so uh hrt hormone replacement therapy is
23:23very very useful and it is not as bad as um some people think of it as because correct me if i'm wrong
23:31when when it started to flood the market right hrt yeah there were talks about it could exhibit
23:40cancer yeah yeah there's a lot of studies that's debunking that actually right i think with medical
23:46advancements now yeah um people are there there's a lot of news about hrt and how it it does help a
23:54lot of women for sure yeah and and there are women who don't go on it for their own reasons after
23:59they've sought advice from their respective doctors so hrt is a very good option if that is
24:07what you prefer right and it does work uh quite effectively and very fast but like everything
24:14else there's all anything in world is there's a pros there's cons so like uh the same women also felt
24:21that it didn't work for them so it you we have to understand it's not a one miracle pill for everybody
24:28that doesn't work um but there's also things that can help with um like for myself i cannot take hrt i
24:37see yeah because there are certain cases where um hormone induced diseases will be escalated if i do so
24:45i chose not to and i wanted to go a very natural route so i went in search for things that i um in terms of
24:54food in terms of my lifestyle um yeah just changing those little things and incorporating healthy
25:03stress-free behaviors that will help because stress is a huge portion of what we it is it is and it comes
25:11in different ways yeah right exactly but stress-free that sounds nice
25:16yeah well little stress is always good right but it's just that um like there was time there were
25:23times when i was so stressed that i would break up in hives right or my eyes would get swollen or that
25:30kind of thing and just knowing that okay you got trigger points knowing how to bring those stress level
25:36down uh staying grounded so you know people think of self-care as a selfish behavior especially high
25:44functioning women and i'm saying to those who are listening is that find time to even have a cup of tea
25:51and read a book for half an hour is not difficult it's not indulgent it's necessity it is a necessity
26:00considering um how social media now just takes away our attention just shortens our attention span
26:07tremendously right and because women are more uh known to multitask i i speak for myself here um getting
26:18focused on doing one thing sometimes it's nearly impossible exactly because we are like doing it
26:24like five six things at one go correct yeah yeah what are some of your tips karen for uh friends
26:32partners and co-workers to support each other or support someone going through menopause oh
26:38very very easy just be there just listen i found that through my years as a coach sometimes
26:48women reach out they they don't even need advice they just need someone to be empathetic and listen
26:55and then someone to just hug them and say everything is be fine yeah
27:01sounds simple enough but it's it's not is that human connection and i and i do believe covid did a
27:08number to a lot of people that's true so we become very isolated introvert and we think everything is
27:17only from your phone yeah um and sometimes all you need is someone to hold your hand and say
27:24everything will be fine you know and um that shifts a lot and but you know we we've got to
27:32help ourselves too we also have to make that little effort to because i urge women not to allow that
27:39depression to get so bad um that you drop into this deep dark well that that that climb up becomes
27:47really hard so if you feel you're at the edge seek help get the right information and pull yourself out
27:56quickly yeah don't suffer alone yeah please ladies this you don't get an award for suffering you don't
28:03that's right that's right there are people out there to help yeah oh yeah if you can't reach out to a
28:10family member reach out to a mental health professional exactly or there are a lot of
28:17support groups out there on social media yeah and on your channel they just have to reach out to our our
28:25community um and whatever it may be if it's our schedule if i feel there's a need then i'll schedule a
28:33call immediately and get the right help or recommend something you know um but i i feel 80 of the time
28:40it's just just someone to listen and that that can can resolve a lot of things in terms of the future
28:49of menopause advocacy what are your hopes for maybe um conversations about menopause to further evolve
28:58i would really like to see more um men uh involved because i think whether it's your partner or friend
29:14a male support can help a woman get through this uh easier uh and vice versa right so that's something i
29:24hope that men will not just discount things because i i hear too often some husbands telling
29:30them oh you're making this up or why are you behaving like this which is very sad because they need that
29:38support that's yeah yeah so that's one i really hope that i can um you know create enough awareness for
29:47for husbands and partners to to step up that's great thank you karen for being on our podcast
29:54thank you um this week is a privilege to have you on and i definitely look forward to watching your
30:02women in midlife club um evolve yes midlife mojo on youtube i'm sure you are doing um
30:13a lot of justice to women out there who need a person like you thank you a woman like you to
30:20guide them virtually hold their hand if you can't yeah exactly as best as i can right virtually hold
30:28their hand while going through this life-changing journey and i promise you women it will be a
30:34really beautiful second spring if you like let me help you through it second spring that's wonderful
30:40yeah thank you karen thank you aida be sure to watch our episode on um youtube and star tv and uh
30:49star online www.star uh slash metro
31:02you