- 5/9/2025
Married With Children Season 3 Episode 3 Poke High
Category
đŸ“º
TVTranscript
00:00Thank you for listening.
00:30Thank you for listening.
01:00Thank you for listening.
01:30Hey, ma'am, just like I like them.
01:37Dark.
01:38Well, I'm full.
01:56Okay, honey, now it's time to do your chores.
02:02Wait a second, Peg.
02:03We had sex three nights ago.
02:06I'm still kind of woozy.
02:09The garbage, Al.
02:11The longer of the two jobs.
02:13And the more rewarding.
02:24Don't you even know how to do that?
02:27Oh, thanks, Peg.
02:28Now it's exactly like sex.
02:30I can't believe it.
02:38I failed.
02:40Which class was it this time?
02:43Oh, Daddy, I'm not talking about school.
02:45Why would I care about that?
02:49Mom, I flirted with the boy and he paid no attention to me.
02:54Oh, honey.
03:00Well, you can't give up.
03:02You've got to keep on trying.
03:04Well, there's nowhere left to go once you stood in the boy's shower wearing a sign that says so.
03:08Hey, I play for keeps.
03:17It's unbelievable.
03:20Every time I've wanted a guy, I've gotten him.
03:22I mean, I'm famous for it.
03:25This guy won't even look at me.
03:26Mom, you've got to help me.
03:27What did you do in school to get guys?
03:29Same thing she does now to chase them away.
03:34Daddy, we're talking.
03:35Daddy, just clean up the garbage, Al.
03:39Oh, well, Kelly, a good place to start is to pretend that you have a common interest.
03:50Now, what is this guy like?
03:52Football.
03:53Everyone wants a football player.
03:56I played football.
03:58You know, football players aren't very bright.
04:01And they usually wind up doing menial jobs for minimum wage, desperately clinging to their former glory.
04:10Yep.
04:11They called me Touchdown Bundy.
04:15Yeah, he's great.
04:18Mom, I've never failed at getting a guy.
04:21I mean, once that goes, I'm nothing.
04:24No, Kelp.
04:25Once the lips stop saying yes, and the eyes stop saying, duh, then you're not.
04:30If only it was as easy for me as it is for Bud.
04:37A penthouse, a nightlight, and a pillow named Shirley.
04:46One problem at a time, kids.
04:50Now, Kelly, here's what I think you're doing wrong.
04:53Stop flirting with this boy at school.
04:57Get him alone, with no distractions.
05:00Get him to tell you all his secret dreams and hopes, and then use them to crush him.
05:09The important thing is to go after what you want.
05:14I did.
05:15Hey!
05:16I stepped in the garbage can, and I can't get out!
05:24I'll be right there, Al!
05:27Just be sure it really is what you want.
05:34Hey, No Life, I need a favor.
05:37I want you to help me get this guy.
05:40What's wrong?
05:41The breakaway blouse isn't working?
05:46Hey, I'm asking you nice, you little eunuch.
05:50Anyway, I have an idea.
05:53I checked up on this guy, and I know he's not doing too good in English.
05:57Well, Kelly...
05:59Well, what?
06:00Okay, so he ain't done no good in English.
06:11So what?
06:15Okay, once again.
06:17In Of Mice and Men, the big one was...
06:20Lenny.
06:21Very good.
06:23And the little one was...
06:26Squeaky.
06:30Good, good.
06:35Now that we've, uh, conquered literature,
06:38let's move on to spelling.
06:41First word...
06:45Tramp.
06:52Okay, I think it's time for a break.
06:54Now listen, Matt.
06:56You just stay here and run the alphabet from A to F,
06:59like we've been doing.
07:00I'm Kelly.
07:09Remember we met in the boys' shower the other day?
07:15Oh, yeah, the soup girl.
07:19The soup girl.
07:22S-O-P-E.
07:23You're a football player.
07:33I have a football question for you.
07:39I get cramps in my leg right here.
07:43Do you think you could get that out?
07:44Well, it may take some time, but I'll do what I can.
07:52Uh, hi, Dad.
07:55Dad?
07:56I'm Kelly, and this is Matt.
07:58I'd like you to meet us.
08:02Nice to meet you, Kelly.
08:03So, uh, you're the football player, huh?
08:10You know, I used to play football.
08:12You remember the Panthers in 66?
08:15Yeah.
08:16They were the last championship team in our school.
08:18Daddy.
08:19Later, Kelly.
08:22You know who the fullback was on that team?
08:24Take a guess.
08:25Red Grange?
08:29Well, close.
08:31Me!
08:32You're Red Grange?
08:34Pleased to meet you, sir.
08:36Uh, well, I'm pleased to meet you, too,
08:38but, uh, you can call me by my nickname,
08:41Al Bundy.
08:44Daddy.
08:45Uh, so what position do you play, son?
08:47Fullback?
08:48Yeah.
08:49Well, we went both ways in our day.
08:52Well, now a lot of the guys on the team go both ways.
08:55Not me, though.
08:57I like girls.
09:02Hem.
09:03Hem.
09:04Kelly, you want to take something for that?
09:08Anyhow, yeah, we were really great back then.
09:10Yep, only team in Polk history to go undefeated.
09:13Now, that's something that'll never happen again.
09:16We're undefeated, too.
09:17Hmm?
09:19How many games you got left?
09:21One.
09:22This Saturday.
09:23You really ought to come see your record go down the drain, Mr. Grange.
09:28I can get you good seats.
09:30Did I tell you that I hold the school record for touchdowns in a season?
09:35That's amazing.
09:37I'm one touchdown away from breaking that record, too.
09:41It's a young man's world, you know?
09:43You know, I think we have an old football lot back.
09:53What say me and you go out there and you, uh, show me some of your moves?
09:59Sure, let's go.
10:02Uh, Matt, remember my leg?
10:05Well, I'll look at it later, Kathy.
10:07Hey, it's Kelly, the soup girl.
10:15Hey, Kel, where's Matt?
10:17Damn it!
10:21That's what we call fake left, go right.
10:24Well, I'm a little rusty.
10:26Uh, you wanna try it again?
10:30You need a little settle.
10:31I can't believe it.
10:36I almost had him.
10:42Did we call faking you out of your jock?
10:45You know, I thought I dropped a quarter.
10:47Let's try it again.
10:48Go back there and take a run at it this time.
10:53Give it up, Kelly.
10:55You're just not his type.
10:56I am everybody's type.
11:01But why can't I get this one guy?
11:04Because all he knows is sports, and all he likes is cheerleaders.
11:13That's what I call an open-hand chop to the Adam's apple.
11:16Then that's what I'm gonna be.
11:29A cheerleader.
11:31Kelly, I hate to burst your bubble, but there's only one more game left, and the squad is full.
11:36It's impossible.
11:38Who could have put poison oak in your pom-poms?
11:44Damn the luck.
11:46Next.
11:53I'm Kelly Bundy, and the dream of my life is to become a poke dot.
11:58So here's the little cheer that I wrote myself.
12:05P-O-K-E-P-O-K-E-Y!
12:11Yay!
12:16Very good.
12:20But it's P-O-L-K-E-P-O-K-E-Y!
12:27You know, after President James K. Polk?
12:34What do you think, Miss Mount?
12:38I like her.
12:39I like her a lot.
12:47Congratulations, Miss Bundy.
12:49You are now a polk dot.
12:51I'm so excited.
12:53Congratulations, Hallie.
12:54Hallie, that's so great.
12:56Get a life, will you?
12:58All right.
13:1033 to the right.
13:11Now make it work.
13:12Get up!
13:12Get up!
13:13Get up!
13:13Get up!
13:14All right!
13:14Get up!
13:15Oh, come on, Al.
13:21Hook up.
13:22I mean, even if your record is broken, you still have me.
13:27Yeah.
13:27And my job is shoe salesman.
13:30That's right, honey.
13:34Sometimes you've just got to pick the man up.
13:39Oh, buck up, Al.
13:40Polk's only up by seven.
13:41Ah, Polk can't lose.
13:43It's a home game against the school from the rich white neighborhood.
13:46Let's face it, Steve.
13:49My record's history.
13:51I really tried to hurt that kid, you know?
13:54I know.
13:55Hey, I got something to make you feel better.
13:57Look at this.
13:58Now watch this out.
14:00Yay, team!
14:05Am I a fan or what?
14:09I feel so alone.
14:13Oh, honey.
14:14Look at our little girl.
14:18She may not graduate, but she is the prettiest cheerleader in school.
14:23Hold them in, hold them out.
14:26Hold them, hold them in the sky.
14:28If they holler, let them go.
14:30Edie, beedie, mindy, go.
14:32Hold them high.
14:35So, Matt, come here.
14:39I'm yours.
14:40I'm yours.
14:44Why doesn't Matt ever play with the ball over by me?
14:49Yoo-hoo!
14:50Matt!
14:51Matt!
14:52Hey, don't pat him.
14:54Pat me!
15:02Yay, Kelly!
15:06Look at her, Mars.
15:08I'm so proud of her.
15:09See how she raises her legs higher than everyone else?
15:17Yes.
15:18But the other girls are standing up.
15:22And the point after it's good.
15:26The score, the chance came for Panthers 14.
15:30The Chester-y Arthur Arians nothing.
15:33You stink!
15:40Oh, Al.
15:42Must the fact that your glory days are over drag us all down?
15:47I mean, even if your record is broken,
15:49you still hold the record for the most consecutive days without sex.
15:56And no high school kid's gonna break that one.
15:59You know, it's amazing.
16:03You gotta give Marcy a lot of credit.
16:06I thought she'd be gloating, but she genuinely feels bad for me.
16:12Look at those young boys.
16:15Those tight little buns squeezed into those tight little uniforms.
16:20Spike me, baby.
16:22Spike me.
16:23Spike me.
16:23Spike me.
16:23Spike me.
16:25And late in the second quarter, the score, Pope 14, Chester-y Arthur 7.
16:41This is discrimination.
16:43Now, the guys on the team have it so easy.
16:46A guy gets a little knee to the groin.
16:48He gets treated like a baby.
16:50Well, I'm cheering with a bunion, and I want some attention.
16:54Water, boy!
16:55What are you doing here?
17:00Well, I had a little poison oak left over, so I decided to take out the water boy.
17:06Meet the new water boy.
17:08You don't even bathe.
17:10What do you know about water?
17:14I know if you spray some on a cheerleader sweater, you get a cheap thrill.
17:21I want water.
17:22Oops.
17:31Oops.
17:34All right, now, listen up.
17:35This game is for the championship.
17:37I want 100%, right?
17:39Yeah!
17:40Here's the plate we're going to run.
17:41Now, look.
17:45Don't mind me.
17:46I'm just here to cheer.
17:48Go, Matt!
17:50Hey!
17:51Do you mind?
17:54Do I interrupt when you're speaking?
17:56All right, cheerleader huddle.
18:14All right, girls.
18:15We're up.
18:16But it's close, and the guys really need your support.
18:19Men always need a woman's support.
18:23What do they give us?
18:24Nothing we can use.
18:27That's why we must treasure these moments together.
18:32By the way, tonight will be the traditional year-end slumber party at my place.
18:38You seniors know what I mean.
18:40All right, now, get out there and shake your dots for poker.
18:45Hi!
18:46Our team is what?
18:48Red hot.
18:49Our team is what?
18:51Red hot.
18:52Our team is R-E-D-R-E-D-H-O-T-Hot.
18:55Once we start, we cannot stop.
18:57Uh-huh.
18:59Uh-huh.
19:01Hi!
19:01Hi!
19:01Hi!
19:02Hi!
19:03Hi!
19:04Hi!
19:05Hi!
19:06Hi!
19:07Hi!
19:08Hi!
19:09Hi!
19:10Hi!
19:11Hi!
19:12Hi!
19:13Hi!
19:14Hi!
19:15Hi!
19:16Hi!
19:17Hi!
19:18Hi!
19:19Hi!
19:20Hi!
19:21Hi!
19:22Hi!
19:23Hi!
19:24Hi!
19:25Hi!
19:26Hi!
19:27Hi!
19:28Hi!
19:29Hi!
19:30Hi!
19:31Hi!
19:32Hi!
19:33Hi!
19:34Hi!
19:35Hi!
19:36Hi!
19:37Hi!
19:38Hi!
19:39so when do the football players come over and talk to us nobody talks to us might as well be
19:50lepers can't wait till this game is over so you want to come to my house tonight and play some
19:58records no you're a geek and we're late in the fourth quarter and poke is six minutes away from
20:11an undefeated season i can't take this ah what else could happen to me your attention please
20:20folks i've just been told red grange is in the stands today
20:26maybe he'll stand up for us
20:30did you see him
20:47matt gibson has the ball he cuts right he's running down the sidelines
20:52matt matt yoo-hoo matt five five five two eight
21:00gone
21:02not
21:12uh
21:12so young so young hey number 21 if you got the place i'll do the time
21:42oh yeah
21:46poor al he's having such a miserable day gee hope he doesn't realize this jacket cost two hundred
22:00dollars
22:00my record is going to hell no one will remember me and my wife is wearing a two hundred dollar
22:12i think if i get into fourth gear a little sooner i can really increase my miles per gallon
22:24oh man i'll tell marcy on the way home it'll really turn her on
22:33it's hope with the ball they're up 21 to 14 with 20 seconds to go there's the snap the ball
22:44pops loose it lands in the hands of an area he's loopering into the end zone touchdown yes
22:51it's now hope 21 chester and arthur 20 and they're going for the win with a two-point conversion
22:59please let me have this one i haven't asked you for much
23:04you haven't given me much
23:08come on arians
23:12roffle fakes back to pass he spots himler open in the end zone he's got it the arians take the lead
23:2022 21 with 10 seconds to go of the game
23:25oh god now i'm gonna have to hear about his stupid record for the rest of my life
23:38i'm so happy for you honey
23:42i'm going to disneyland
23:52there's still 10 seconds left anything can happen
24:02steve there's three things i'm sure of in this life
24:05one is i'll be selling shoes till the day i die
24:09two is peggy will win the lottery the very next day
24:13and three is there's no way poke's gonna win this game
24:17the only way poke can win is if they run the kickoff all the way back for a touchdown
24:22that's impossible
24:24i can't believe this
24:27the last play of the last game
24:30i have done all this and he didn't even notice me
24:34and he never will
24:36there's the kickoff
24:38matt gibson takes it deep in his own end zone
24:41he's at the 10
24:43he's hit
24:44now he breaks the tackle
24:46and cuts left and heads up field
24:48he's at the 20
24:49the 30
24:50he cuts right
24:52he could go all the way
24:54no
24:56no
24:56somebody stop him
24:58anybody
24:59that's my sideline
25:01here he comes
25:03matt matt over here
25:05he's at midfield all alone
25:08he's gonna do it
25:09nobody can catch him
25:11i'll be damned
25:13now that the season's over
25:29homework my house
25:31midnight-ish
25:33here's my phone
25:34call me
25:46call me
25:46call me
25:50call me
25:51well i know you're upset
25:53but maybe next time you'll know better than to bet on a high school football game
25:58that was reverend felcher
26:03church is another place the bundies are not allowed
26:09that's the freeway ban that really hurts
26:13honey
26:17you've got to talk to kelly
26:19tell her what she did was wrong
26:22and she disgraced the entire family
26:24which is not an easy thing to do
26:28i'll handle it peg
26:30hi daddy
26:35kelly sit down here a minute
26:38kelly
26:42i want to talk to you about what happened this afternoon
26:46good girl
26:51you
26:56you
26:57you
27:01you
27:03you
27:07you
Recommended
28:02
|
Up next
45:16
1:30:03
3:47
51:07
22:17
22:17