- 5/9/2025
Malcolm In The Middle Season 6 Episode 14 Ida Loses A Leg
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TVTranscript
00:00You flush the toilet and I open the curtain.
00:30You're not so big. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me now. And you're not so big.
00:44Life is unfair.
00:47Grandma's visiting again. Sometimes she can't spread enough misery with just a phone call.
01:01She must have felt the vibration of happiness at the edge of a red and came scurrying down just to crush it.
01:07The worst thing is how it affects Mom.
01:10Mom, I took 20 bucks from your purse. I'm never gonna pay it back.
01:14I don't care who started it. You and your brother work it out.
01:17See? It's sad.
01:24Oh, God.
01:25Lois, I keep finding your mother's teeth everywhere.
01:28Is she spitting them out or are they escaping?
01:31She must be wearing her smoking teeth. Those are her fancy teeth.
01:35Look, I can't fight every battle with her, Hal. I got her to smoke outside. That's today's victory.
01:44Now that I have a car, I'm leaving and I'm never coming back.
01:51No, Dewey. Please don't go. We didn't know it was the baby's thermometer.
01:56It's too late for apologies. I'm out of here.
02:00Dewey, just name your price. We'll do anything.
02:03You think this is about money? This is about respect.
02:07Respect!
02:08Oh, crap.
02:10Crap.
02:11I was so happy.
02:14You have to put a hand on your tongue, just take it back.
02:16I'm sorry.
02:17I'm sorry.
02:18I'm sorry.
02:19I'm sorry.
02:20I'm sorry.
02:21I'm sorry.
02:22I'm sorry.
02:23That's very good.
02:24I'm sorry.
02:25I'm sorry.
02:26I'm sorry.
02:27No, the other person?
02:28I'm sorry, yeah.
02:30Oh, crap.
02:31No, I'm sorry.
02:32Oh, crap.
02:33You ain't sorry.
02:34I'm sorry.
02:36You qué matter?
02:37Dad, chili for breakfast?
02:49Hey, Jamie ate two bowls and you don't hear him complaining.
02:52Why isn't Mom back from Grandma's yet?
02:55For God's sakes, Reese, your grandmother lost a leg.
02:58Show a little compassion for your mother who's stuck there taking care of that miserable hag.
03:03She'll be back when she gets back.
03:05And don't take this out on me.
03:07I'm not the one who walked into the street.
03:09But no one's blaming you for this, Dewey.
03:12Dad, I already feel awful about it.
03:14Which is exactly what I'm telling you not to do.
03:17You need to stay positive.
03:19Think about how good you'll feel next time when you remember to look both ways.
03:25Shouldn't you boys be getting ready for school?
03:27Didn't you hear?
03:28They went to four-hour days.
03:30It's shameful.
03:31The taxpayers won't even see...
03:32Forget it, Reese.
03:33You are not going to misbehave this week.
03:36Your mother already thinks they can't be trusted to watch you boys.
03:39Like somehow I'm going to do something idiotic and irresponsible.
03:43Hey, look at this.
03:45Some kid fell asleep at a frat party and another kid glued his face to the floor.
03:50Can you imagine what that looked like?
03:55It's just regular old super glue.
03:56Got a ton of that stuff in our garage.
04:00Where do people get these ideas?
04:03Mother, I was getting the door for you.
04:10I don't need your pity.
04:12I'm fine.
04:13No, you are not fine.
04:15You need to relax.
04:16If you keep thrashing around, the doctor says it'll make your leg bleed again.
04:21Ha!
04:22Scare tactics.
04:23Those butchers sell you so you'll get weak and they can sell you more go-go pills.
04:27There and there.
04:31I helped get her moved back in and I spent some time in her place.
04:34My obligation is fulfilled.
04:37Have fun, you two.
04:38Get back in here.
04:39We are not having this argument again.
04:41Let him go.
04:42It's the little one that owes me his life.
04:45See?
04:45Even she thinks so.
04:47Frances, everyone else in this family has either school or a job.
04:50So you are staying here and helping your grandmother.
04:53I don't need help.
04:55Look at him.
04:57He has nothing between his legs and he manages.
05:00You think I'm above punching you?
05:02You are totally wrong.
05:03Of course you hit a cripple.
05:05You couldn't even get a white girl to marry you.
05:08Stop it.
05:09Both of you.
05:11Can you go at least five seconds without screaming at each other?
05:17I am sick of you.
05:19You dried up old hands.
05:20If I had been driving that truck myself, I would have done the world.
05:27Well, I wonder which nightmare I'm going to have tonight.
05:31A forest of severed legs or drowning in grandma's blood.
05:37Well, good night.
05:40I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight.
05:42Me too.
05:43Nothing's going to wake me up.
05:45Same here.
05:50Well, good night.
05:56Good night.
06:01What's under your pillow?
06:02What's under your pillow?
06:04I think we both know what's in these pillows.
06:06I guess we do.
06:07Good morning.
06:21Good morning.
06:22I feel great.
06:24Ready to start the day.
06:26Me too.
06:27Think I'll brush my teeth.
06:29I'll join you.
06:29Jamie, I am not kidding.
06:44You have to the count of three to eat these peas.
06:47One.
06:49Two.
06:50Three.
06:55Right.
06:56One of these days, you are going to learn that I am serious.
07:03Dad, I've been thinking a lot about grandma losing her leg.
07:06I mean, grandma lost her leg saving my life, but she doesn't really want to talk to me.
07:11So, I figured the least I could do is honor her leg.
07:16You know, pay some decent last respects.
07:19Like, maybe have a funeral for it or something.
07:22Dewey, you just can't do that.
07:24The leg is medical waste.
07:27The hospital has to process it and do whatever they do with that stuff.
07:32But, how about this?
07:33Tomorrow, we go in the garage and make your grandmother a peg.
07:39You can paint it like a candy cane.
07:41No, I want the leg.
07:44Can't get a leg, Dewey.
07:46That's just not going to happen.
07:50Hello, pathology?
07:52Yes, this is Judy Green from Dr. Weiss' office.
07:55I'm calling about the chop and drop he did Thursday on the old lady.
07:59Listen, Dr. Weiss thinks he may have left his wedding ring in that leg.
08:03He was pretty hammered.
08:07Yeah, again.
08:08So, anyway, we need to get that leg out of there before the lawyers come around and do their Monday morning quarterbacking.
08:18You know what?
08:19Instead of the usual place, just send it to my house.
08:23I'll give you the address.
08:25I don't care if you knew the end of that Star Trek episode.
08:30I did it and you ruined it.
08:32You can't let anyone else be happy.
08:34Shut up, Maggie!
08:36Anyone would have a brain could see the rocks were alive.
08:39Both of you, stop it!
08:42Francis, it does not matter how horribly you act.
08:45You are not getting out of this.
08:47You are stuck here, so suck it up!
08:49And you, you are old and injured and you need his help.
08:54All your yelling and viciousness does not equal physical strength.
08:58You cannot bully a can of soup down off the shelf.
09:01You cannot scream it down.
09:04You need his help!
09:05Yeah, you old bat.
09:07Where's your gratitude?
09:08Francis, I am not asking you to do this for her.
09:11I'm asking you to do this for me.
09:13I am leaving in a few days and I need to know she's being taken care of.
09:18You have to find some way you can get along with her.
09:21But she's horrible.
09:23I know, I know, but just try.
09:26Find something you have in common.
09:28Something you can agree on.
09:29I don't think that's possible.
09:31For God's sake, you both have such huge reservoirs of hate.
09:35You tell me there's no overlap?
09:37What about boy bands?
09:39Mom, you hate boy bands, right?
09:41Them ain't gonna live and give them a break.
09:44You see, you are not getting out of this so easily.
09:47You stay here and you figure it out right now.
09:55Hey, Ida, don't you hate how bossy my mom is?
09:59Oh, God, she's awful.
10:01Always ordering me around, making me jump through hoops for her.
10:04Like every day is her birthday.
10:07And God forbid you forget her birthday.
10:09Then it's like martyr time for the next five weeks.
10:12And for what?
10:13Everyone knows it's a made-up holiday anyway.
10:16And those stupid cards, money in the garbage.
10:19Oh, God, yes, what a scam.
10:21It's like, la, la, I'm old.
10:23So here's a stupid cartoon with boobs on it.
10:26Exactly.
10:28No one really remembers the day they had their child.
10:32They pretend they do to feel important.
10:34I haven't slept in two days.
10:46I cut school just to have some time in the house without Reese.
10:49I just need an hour, a half hour, any sleep at all.
10:57Then I'll have a jump on it.
10:59You can't win this on strength.
11:01You've got to win it on planning.
11:03You saved yourself this time, but your reactions will get slower.
11:24And I'll be waiting.
11:26I'll be waiting.
11:56I'll be waiting.
12:26I'll be waiting.
12:56I'll be waiting.
13:01Both?
13:01I'll be waiting.
13:07Wait.
13:08Reese, wait.
13:09This is so stupid.
13:11We're both ruining our lives over it.
13:13I got a B on my history midterm.
13:15I fell asleep beating up a kid.
13:17We have to stop this.
13:19I totally agree.
13:21Okay.
13:22Truce.
13:24Truce.
13:30She wears a size eight and a half shoe, just like me.
13:33Why, Dewey?
13:34Just checking.
13:35Thanks, Mom.
13:43Okay.
13:44Prince Charming looking for Cinderella.
13:48It's always.
13:57Grandma, hold still.
13:58I can't redress your wound until I clean it.
14:00Your breath is disgusting.
14:03Do you see what I'm doing?
14:05And you're complaining about...
14:11I will go brush my teeth as soon as I'm done.
14:18We are gathered here today to pay a tribute to...
14:22A leg.
14:24A leg that saved me.
14:26But also kicked me and stomped on my toes a lot.
14:30But that wasn't your idea.
14:34Anyway...
14:35I'm sorry.
14:36I just thought once I had the hole and severed leg in front of me, the words would come naturally.
14:50Dad, what are you doing home?
14:51And Dewey, I know you need your time alone, but I did something I think is going to make you feel a lot better.
14:56Actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
14:58I kept thinking there must be some way I can help take little Dewey's mind off of all this.
15:03There must be some way I could put the fun back in his life.
15:08Of course, your mom is probably going to hit the roof when she finds out, but you just let me handle that.
15:13Dad, what are you talking about?
15:16I'm talking about a lovable furry playmate who you could spend years with frolicking and oh my God!
15:24What the hell is he eating?
15:25What is who eating?
15:27Your dog!
15:28You have him for two seconds and this is what happens?
15:31I didn't ask for a dog!
15:33Who brings a dog to a leg funeral?
15:36A leg funeral?
15:37Dewey, after I said...
15:38You didn't say not to.
15:40You just said I wouldn't be able to.
15:49This is me with your uncle Vlad.
15:52This is the only picture of him sober.
15:56And there's cousin Riga.
15:58You smile at her as she jumps into bed with you.
16:01And what's wrong with this person?
16:02What was his moral failing?
16:04My dear old friend Peter.
16:06Look at him, holding a manual like he could read.
16:11Wait, who's that little girl with you and Grandpa?
16:14Mom, don't you want to watch the news?
16:17Who's that little girl?
16:18That's you, you big zissy.
16:21This was the time your mother sent you to live with us.
16:24What?
16:25Come on, it wasn't to live with you.
16:27It was six months.
16:28Felt like forever.
16:30We put you in a dress because you wouldn't pee like a boy.
16:34I don't remember any of this.
16:36And you never paid me for the food yet.
16:38Oh God, what whining.
16:40I read my money.
16:42I read my family.
16:44Oh, you're scaring me.
16:46What's going on?
16:48Francis, it was a very difficult time.
16:50Your father was changing jobs and then Reese came along.
16:54He was like a whole pack of wolves by himself.
16:56It was just too much.
16:58You were a horrible child.
17:00You tore a huge gash in your sock trying to get out through the window.
17:05That's what this is from?
17:07You cried like a baby when I tried to zoo you up.
17:11I was a baby.
17:13You dumbed me off and you left me with this monster?
17:15Francis, it's not the way you're thinking.
17:18You don't even remember it.
17:20No, but you know what?
17:21It's good to know.
17:22It's really nice to know that as a toddler,
17:24your own mother couldn't wait to get rid of you.
17:27Francis, actually I should thank you.
17:30Because you waited until I was 15 before you kicked me out for good.
17:34That must have been so hard for you.
17:36You can't judge me for this.
17:37You weren't there.
17:39And whose fault was that?
17:41How did you get in here?
17:43Nobody liked looking at you when you were alive.
17:48Okay, what's going on?
17:53Look, I got into this thing with Reese and it's way out of hand.
17:58I haven't slept in three days.
18:01If you could just do me a favor.
18:02Just be on the lookout for Reese.
18:04If I can get one hour of sleep, then I can have the upper hand and I can end this.
18:09Okay.
18:15Wait a minute.
18:17Why'd you say okay?
18:19What?
18:20I mean, I just told you.
18:21And you said okay like it wasn't a big deal.
18:23It seems like you'd at least want to think about it for a little bit.
18:27Unless...
18:28This was a set up.
18:30That's what this is, isn't it?
18:32What's going on in here?
18:33What are you guys up to?
18:34Oh, nice cover.
18:35You do have a side deal.
18:37No.
18:38Or maybe.
18:39You're just trying to make me think we have a side deal.
18:41Why would I do that?
18:43Exactly.
18:44Don't try to make me think that you're confused because I know you aren't.
18:49Why would I want you to think that?
18:51Because...
18:53There's some angle that I'm not seeing, but I'll get it.
18:56Nice bluff.
18:57Nice fake out.
18:58Oh yeah?
18:59Well, you can play all the smart games you want, but I'm not going to let you get away with it.
19:03I'll glue my own face to the floor.
19:06Then what are you going to do?
19:07Huh?
19:08That would be the perfect way to make me let my guard down.
19:10Wouldn't it?
19:11Ha!
19:12Ha!
19:13Ha!
19:14Ha!
19:16Ha!
19:18Ha!
19:20Ha!
19:22Ha!
19:24Ha!
19:26Ha!
19:27Ha!
19:28Ha!
19:29Ha!
19:30Ha!
19:31Ha!
19:32Ha!
19:33Ha!
19:34Ha!
19:35Ah!
19:36Stevie, I know you'll be mature enough, not to do anything, I would do.
19:53Come on, champion.
19:54Come on, boy, you don't want that nasty ol' leg, do you?
19:56Oh!
19:57Okay. Just kidding. Sorry.
19:58Dad, he's ruining it. Throw another steak in there.
20:02I am not going to waste another steak.
20:04He's not going for it, and it was $12 a pound.
20:07It was not. It was bargaining. He knows the difference.
20:11I am doing my best here, son.
20:16He's going to finish the whole thing. Call 911 on.
20:20It was what part of this looks like authority should be involved.
20:23God, if only your grandmother wasn't so damn tasty.
20:31Now there's no way to feel better.
20:35Now we have to feel bad forever.
20:38Oh, do we?
20:40Hey, maybe you can try and think about it this way.
20:44Your grandmother,
20:47she is the most horrible woman who ever lived,
20:51but even she understands the difference
20:54between a life that's been lived
20:55and a life with potential.
20:58You want to pay her back?
21:01Live up to that potential.
21:05And if you think about it,
21:07you might have done her a big favor.
21:09Let's face it.
21:10Saving your life is her only chance
21:12of getting into heaven,
21:14which isn't going to make you that popular in heaven,
21:17but we'll deal with that later.
21:25Hey, Dad?
21:26Hmm?
21:27Is it okay if we don't keep the dog?
21:30Yeah.
21:31Sounds fair.
21:35Grandma, you have to sit still
21:36or I can't get the bandage on.
21:38Just keep your eyes on the stump, Romeo.
21:40Well, okay.
21:47I put all the doctor's numbers on the fridge.
21:52Safety rail is up in the shower.
21:56Thank you, Francis.
22:06I have to tell you something.
22:08What?
22:09I wasn't a good enough mother to you,
22:13and I'm sorry.
22:16I shouldn't have left you with her,
22:18and I shouldn't have sent you to military school.
22:23I got overwhelmed,
22:24and I took things out on you
22:25that weren't your fault.
22:27They were my fault,
22:28and I'm sorry.
22:33What?
22:36But nothing.
22:36I like to think I was a little bit better
22:38with the other boys,
22:39but that's just further proof
22:41that you got a terrible deal.
22:42Yes.
22:43Boo-hoo for the boy with two legs.
22:47You deserved a mother
22:49who was more patient
22:50and more caring.
22:54And it breaks my heart
22:56that you didn't get that mother.
23:06Wow.
23:08Wow.
23:12Wow.
23:15I've just waited so many years
23:17to hear you say that.
23:19Why don't I feel better?
23:23What do you mean?
23:25I mean,
23:26I actually had fantasies
23:28where you said that
23:29pretty much word for word.
23:31It's spooky how close it is,
23:33but it's not helping.
23:35Why didn't it help?
23:37You want me to say something else?
23:40No.
23:41No, I mean,
23:42you said everything.
23:43Anything else would just be fake.
23:45I mean,
23:46that was like the perfect thing
23:47and I'm still filled
23:49with all this resentment.
23:52Oh, my God,
23:54this sucks.
23:55That was like the one thing
23:56that I was living for
23:57and it's just
23:58not working at all.
24:01Can you take the soap opera outside?
24:03I want to watch the horror
24:04that gives the weather.
24:06Mother, please.
24:08Honey,
24:08just try to breathe.
24:09No,
24:10you can't just have your life dreams
24:11stripped away from you
24:13and be okay about it.
24:15Do you want a cold washcloth?
24:17I don't think so.
24:18I don't know.
24:19I don't know what I want.
24:21Do you want me to give you some money?
24:24How much money?
24:26I have $200.
24:28I only need $30 for the bus.
24:31Okay.
24:33Here.
24:36And the Tic Tacs.
24:40Okay.
24:41Honey,
24:41just remember
24:42just remember
24:42that I love you.
24:43In my own imperfect,
24:45bad-mothering way,
24:46I do love you.
24:48Love you too.
24:53Okay.
24:54I'll call you.
24:59Okay, Rockefeller,
25:01it's lotion time.
25:03Cut your nails.
25:04Jeff, cut it out.
25:20You're so bad.
25:24Your breath smells like feet.
25:25I need to hold you away.
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