DATE or DITCH?! Who Gets APHMAU? Part 1

Aphmau

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00:00I got this! Stay it out of the way!

00:01Oh, this ought to be good!

00:02It is gonna be good!

00:03Ah!

00:04Oh!

00:07It's a long way down!

00:08Wait a minute.

00:09Wait, what are these balls?

00:11Are you teleporting?

00:12Oh, it's golf!

00:14Oh, man.

00:15Jane, it's your date!

00:17Oh!

00:18Hi!

00:19I'm gonna read for her.

00:20Here we go.

00:21I don't do small talk, but you seem emotionally, uh, unstable.

00:25Wait a minute!

00:27You get one shot.

00:29Don't waste it.

00:30Unstable?

00:31I am not unstable!

00:33Oh, Jane, she's perfect for you.

00:35Please.

00:36Jane just hasn't had a nap.

00:38Jane, you don't need to act like my mom.

00:41I'm just saying you're a bit cranky.

00:43You've been like this on dates with me.

00:45Are you saying I can't do dates right now?

00:47Fine!

00:48Wait, wait, wait.

00:49She's reading.

00:50She's saying more.

00:51You want to break a few rules?

00:52Or just pretend we're still a part of this broken system?

00:55Wow.

00:56Oh, no.

00:59Everybody knows I'm a rebel.

01:00I break rules all the time.

01:01Rise against!

01:02Oh, okay.

01:03I mean, give me a snack then.

01:05Oh, you gotta get her a-

01:06Oh!

01:07That's good, right?

01:08Yeah, no, I know how to feed my date.

01:10Uh, let's see.

01:11Uh, waiter!

01:12Uh, I don't know.

01:13Maybe you just gotta get, like, a burger or something like that?

01:15Oh, wait!

01:16You just got-

01:17Ooh!

01:18There's a waiter!

01:19Hello?

01:20I would like one snack for my date, please.

01:22Oh, wait, wait.

01:23She says, which one should I get?

01:24Shrimp or chicken nuggets?

01:25What are you gonna get?

01:26Snuggies!

01:27Snuggies!

01:28Ooh!

01:29Yeah, nuggets!

01:30An elegant lady with a STABLE man like myself would get the shrimp.

01:34So, there.

01:35Gross.

01:36Okay, okay.

01:37Eats?

01:38What are you gonna get?

01:39Everyone knows shrimp is elegant, and I am a good boyfriend, so now we get to-

01:44Ah!

01:45Ah!

01:46Exploded!

01:47Oh, my gosh!

01:48He's dead!

01:49Zane!

01:51How do you explode a date?!

01:53Your date was allergic to shrimp and died!

01:56How was I supposed to know that?!

01:58Wow, Zane!

01:59Good job, lover boy!

02:00Who's the real loser now, huh?

02:01Oh, shut it!

02:02Come on, let me give it a shot.

02:04Let's see what happens.

02:05Oh!

02:06Oh!

02:07Back here again.

02:08I thought I'd get a new one.

02:09Oh, well, okay.

02:10I know how to do this.

02:11Zane!

02:12There's no way you'll do better than me!

02:13Um, I thought I was gonna be emotionally stable.

02:15Okay, I guess she called me unstable, too.

02:17It's fine.

02:18Alright, let's see.

02:19Come on, come on.

02:20Uh, yeah, let's do this.

02:21She's following my path.

02:22Alright, so I'm gonna go on my date with her, but this time I'm not gonna murder her,

02:27Zane!

02:28Oh, I thought I was just being nice about getting the shrimp!

02:32Okay, okay, okay, let's see.

02:34Um, ooh, alright.

02:36Uh, chicken nuggy!

02:37Nuggy!

02:38Nuggy!

02:39Sure you don't want shrimp!

02:40You eat gross things, Zane!

02:41Ooh, look at her!

02:42She's gonna eat and...

02:43And...

02:44And...

02:45Wait for explosion!

02:47She didn't explode!

02:48Yay!

02:49Oh, she loves me!

02:50Oh, yay!

02:51Oh, now let's gobble whatever.

02:53My soul is empty.

02:54Oh, okay.

02:55Wait, what was the last bit?

02:56I don't know, girl!

02:57We're not gonna cry!

02:58No, we're not gonna cry!

02:59We're gonna go play golf!

03:00Get in there, girl!

03:01Okay, there we go.

03:02Alright, what do I do?

03:03Uh, do I just...

03:04Oh, look!

03:05There's the balls!

03:06Alright, let's see.

03:07Um...

03:08Shut up, Peebs!

03:09Shut up, Peebs!

03:10Shut up, Peebs!

03:11Shut up, Peebs!

03:12Alright, so let's see.

03:13Uh, here we go.

03:14Okay, alright, watch me, girl!

03:15Alright, I'm gonna make...

03:16I'm gonna make...

03:17Stand back!

03:18Bam!

03:19Wow!

03:20Nice!

03:21Oh, that car!

03:22Oh, that car!

03:23Oh, you hit the car!

03:24Oh, no, that car!

03:25How did I...

03:26How did I...

03:27Oh, no...

03:28That's a hole in one if I ever saw one!

03:29Oh, girl!

03:30Oh, girl!

03:31Oh, girl!

03:32Oh, girl!

03:33Your game exploded from embarrassment.

03:37Not so easy, is it?

03:38Oh, wow!

03:39Isn't it because I'm bad at golf?

03:40Embarrassment?

03:41Oh, my God, okay.

03:42Yeah, I guess you can't swing the right way after me.

03:44Swing less than right, Timothy!

03:46Oh, yes, that's the right control!

03:47This is my period!

03:48Ladies, please, do fight over me.

03:50What the...

03:51Butt!

03:52Ow!

03:53Oh, jeez!

03:54So this is a game where we find out who's the best at dating.

03:56So who's next?

03:57Me!

03:58I think the ladies came, but...

03:59What's that?

04:00No, it's...

04:01What?

04:02Ooh!

04:03Heh heh heh!

04:04Ooh!

04:05This looks like fun!

04:06Is that a dance floor?

04:07Uh, okay.

04:08Dancing and golf?

04:09What is this?

04:10Oh, hey!

04:11I wanna dance!

04:12Oh, I got her!

04:13I got her!

04:14Don't worry, I'll read for you.

04:15Oh, okay.

04:16I don't normally come to clubs.

04:17I'm normally watching anime.

04:19I can't dance, but I don't want to upset the pretty girl either.

04:23Funny she likes anime.

04:24Lose her!

04:25I like anime!

04:27Oh!

04:28Well, I mean, anime's fine, I guess.

04:30You know, me too, Zane!

04:31Zane!

04:32I'm just gonna sit over here.

04:33Zane doesn't realize, does he?

04:34I don't think so.

04:35What a buck.

04:36I guess that I would, uh, dance.

04:38Oh!

04:39You're gonna dance, Beeps?

04:40You're gonna dance the-

04:41Oh!

04:42Oh, look at her!

04:43She's dancing!

04:44Alright, Beeps, show her what you got!

04:46I'm doing it!

04:47I'm impressing the girl!

04:48Okay, is that what he's doing?

04:49Oh!

04:50You really would pick me?

04:51Yeah!

04:52I-I-I picked up the girl!

04:54That's what she sounds like, right?

04:55She looks like she sounds like that.

04:56Sure.

04:57I'm gonna do it with the glasses.

04:58Yeah.

04:59Right, Kim?

05:00What's that supposed to mean?

05:01Yeah, right, Kim?

05:02Okay, well, Beeps, Beeps, okay, the next part of the date is to talk to her about her feelings!

05:06Hey, yes!

05:07Oh, what the-

05:08Whoa!

05:09Hey, yes!

05:10What happened?

05:11Oh!

05:12What happened?

05:13What happened?

05:14Well, Beeps, looks like your girlfriend-

05:15No, what down, what down!

05:16It's coming back!

05:17Huh?

05:18Hey, get me back!

05:19Oh, no!

05:20Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

05:21Oh, no, what's happened?

05:22Oh, hey!

05:23Just take me instead, huh?

05:24Oh!

05:25Only an alien can like, Peeps.

05:26You-you danced with me when no one would.

05:29All of us want to take you.

05:31All of us?

05:32Wait, what?

05:33Oh, oh!

05:34Oh!

05:35Guys, Peeps!

05:36Look at all these girlfriends you have!

05:38Are we being invaded?

05:39Guys!

05:40I think I'm king of the women.

05:41Oh my god!

05:42You're out of this world!

05:44You got seven girlfriends!

05:45Unbelievable!

05:46Seven?!

05:47Seven?!

05:48Oh, that was so perfect!

05:49Peeps loved her when nobody else won!

05:52Wait, how did you come up with that?

05:54I'm king of the women!

05:55Stop saying that, Peeps!

05:57Oh, golly, okay.

05:58What do I do with this golden rose?

06:00What the-

06:01Guys, I think Peeps is winning!

06:03Look at that!

06:04What?

06:05Winning?

06:06Not on my watch!

06:07Time for Kimmy to get a date!

06:09Oh, this place smells rich!

06:11Wow!

06:12Oh, so why is Kim there?

06:13Boy, don't make me come over there!

06:15Ooh!

06:16Ooh!

06:17Kim!

06:18Oh, hello there, handsome!

06:20You want me to read it?

06:21You want me to read it?

06:22Oh, sure!

06:23Okay, okay, okay.

06:24I got the boys with this.

06:25Greetings, I'm Sterling Platinum.

06:27The-

06:28The what is that?

06:29What is that number?

06:30What's that number?

06:314-4-4-4-5-V!

06:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.

06:33Keep going, it's really good.

06:34Yeah.

06:35Investing in things no one understands, like feelings and crypto.

06:38Oh!

06:39What kind of guy?

06:40You're here to prove you're worthy of my last name.

06:42My net worth is 120 billion!

06:45Wow!

06:46That's much!

06:47Aw, Kimmy hit the jackpot!

06:48Gotta reach my friend!

06:49Still, Kim, blink twice if you need rescuing.

06:51Oh, what happened?

06:52Oh, prove your loyalty.

06:54Oh, I think he's sweating money!

06:55I think he is.

06:56Trust or bust?

06:57Oh, cool!

06:58Prove your loyalty trust fall into the embrace of a financially secured bear.

07:02Ooh, Kim, what are you gonna pick?

07:03What are you gonna pick?

07:04What are you gonna pick?

07:05Okay, okay, this is a one way trick to being rich, babies.

07:06Let's go!

07:07Platinum card, please!

07:08I'll use that platinum card.

07:09Ooh, anything for that platinum card?

07:10Let's go!

07:11Let's see what she's gonna do!

07:12Oh, a trust fall?

07:13Ha!

07:14No problem for me!

07:15Oh, is that the bear?

07:16Oh, look, it's got a little hoochie!

07:17What's an actual bear?

07:18Oh, I mean, it's like a spa bear treatment.

07:19Here we go!

07:20Ah!

07:21Ah!

07:22Oh, boy!

07:23Ah!

07:24Get my leg!

07:25What did I do?

07:26What is love?

07:27Watch!

07:28Ah!

07:29Stop this crazy bear!

07:30Kim, get up here, hurry!

07:31Hurry, I'll help you!

07:32Kim!

07:33Is she dead?

07:34Kim, hurry!

07:35Got you!

07:36I got her, I got her!

07:37I got her, I got her!

07:38Wanna try it again?

07:39Here, I'll put her right there.

07:40Okay, there you go.

07:41Alright, ooh, moving on.

07:42I must measure your obedience.

07:44Kiss my ski boots.

07:45Or, forever before.

07:46Oh, it's what, $20 billion worth it?

07:48Okay, sir!

07:49Hey, I don't blame a sister.

07:50That's a lot of money.

07:51Yeah, Kimmy's baby can be bought for that price!

07:53You get it!

07:54Jeez!

07:55Agree first!

07:56You gotta agree!

07:57You didn't even pick the-

07:58She, she's doing it for free!

07:59Oh, sorry, Russia!

08:00I really want the money!

08:01Like I said, no, didn't he?

08:03Kiss those little tootsies of yours!

08:06My mom says that my heart is with more than money.

08:08Yeah, your mom lied!

08:10Final trial!

08:11Choose the perfect Fondeur!

08:12Fondeur!

08:13Fondeur!

08:14Fondeur!

08:15Fondeur!

08:16Fondeur!

08:17Fondeur!

08:18To represent our shared appetit!

08:19Oh!

08:20For power!

08:21Choose wisely!

08:22For before!

08:23Wow, this guy!

08:24This guy!

08:25This is a tough choice, actually!

08:26I can't survive this!

08:27Whatever I do, I'm buying a jet, and a new face!

08:28Uh, what's it, Texas?

08:29Oh, like, yeehaw!

08:30You know, yeehaw?

08:31Alright, come on!

08:32Mama's waiting!

08:33Let's go!

08:34Oh, okay!

08:35Alright!

08:36Yeah!

08:37What does that mean?

08:38Now what is he doing?

08:39He's sticking a marshmallow into the-

08:40Oh!

08:41He made a marshmallow!

08:42You can do that!

08:43Yeah!

08:44Alright!

08:45Now what happens?

08:46Oh!

08:47Oh!

08:48It was a Texas for you!

08:49Did I win?

08:50Kim, grab the Bitcoin that you can, and let's get out of here!

08:52Right now!

08:53Go!

08:54Go!

08:55Go!

08:56Go!

08:57Go!

08:58Kim, run!

08:59Run!

09:00Run!

09:01Run!

09:02Run!

09:03Go!

09:04Go!

09:05Go!

09:06Go!

09:07Go!

09:08Go!

09:09Go!

09:10Go!

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