Trojan condoms might stop sperm in its tracks ... but, Trojan students have got some pretty strong swimmers, it seems -- 'cause a USC student won the first-ever sperm race.
00:00The roaring crowd. The trash-talking face-off. The first ever sporting event of its kind. It's...
00:09The Great Spoon Race. Oh, God, yes.
00:12That's what he said. Because Tristan of USC beat Asher of UCLA to win the whole damn thing.
00:19By a lot?
00:20Uh, no, actually, by a hair. Like, it was quite close.
00:24Gross, but not wrong.
00:26Because here's what it looked like when Tristan and Asher's mini Michael Phelps swam the microscopic track guided by the same chemical signals sperm used to find an egg.
00:35This is going to do it! Tristan Milker explodes through the finish line!
00:42USC wins!
00:44So, what'd he win?
00:45It doesn't really fit on a wall or anything, so...
00:48It's a golden sperm, dude.
00:50You gotta mount it!
00:52But Tristan told us on TMZ Live that he trained hard by...
00:56You guessed it!
00:57Eating foods high in zinc and antioxidants, making sure I'm in the gym.
01:01Uh, we didn't guess it.
01:02But that's because the whole thing started to promote wellness since male fertility has gone...
01:07Well, limp. Especially with young people.
01:10Fertility has gone down because nobody wants a kid.
01:13Spoken like a woman with three kids.
01:16So, what does the future hold for sperm racing?
01:19Well, the event's founder says...
01:21Maybe Olympics in four years.
01:22Olympics?
01:23Can we do it in the office?
01:25Yeah.
01:26You don't have any sperm, you stupid.
01:27I don't have anything.
01:28Do I know how to sperm?
01:29You've spent snips.
01:30Oh, our race would just be my guys in the lane and your empty lane.
