Jennifer Lopez_ 'This is Me...Now', Love, Movie & Tour _ Apple Music

Madni Halepoto

Podcast with jennifer Lopez... watch full video.. like share & follow my channel....

Transcript

00:00:00All of these things that I do amplified this in a way.

00:00:03The actor, the writer, the songwriter, the movie writer, the producer, the choreographer, the dancer.

00:00:10I think for the first time I was like, no, I'm going to take all of the things I do and put them all on this.

00:00:25I'm so glad we're still here.

00:00:27Yeah.

00:00:27Just here.

00:00:28You know, and be able to have a conversation and continue to tell the story.

00:00:33I've seen so much more.

00:00:35I heard the music first, fell in love with the album, still love the album more.

00:00:39So often when you get asked to go into rooms and hang out with artists to listen to music,

00:00:42the last place they want to be is in that room while you listen to it.

00:00:45And very rarely, but it does happen, you encounter an experience where someone is so proud of what they've made

00:00:51that they can't wait to embellish and tell you what's behind it.

00:00:54That's what this is to you, isn't it?

00:00:55You're so proud of this record and everything.

00:00:58I think it's the kind of most honest record that I've ever made.

00:01:05And I feel very connected to it because of that.

00:01:10It's not just personal.

00:01:12It's like my whole heart on the wax.

00:01:15You know what I mean?

00:01:15It's my whole heart in the air, in the ether now.

00:01:19And I really feel like as I shared the music, I wasn't just sharing music.

00:01:28I was sharing a feeling, a message, a bigger idea about, you know, and that's why it just didn't end with the music for me.

00:01:39I realized that there was, as I made the music and thinking about this is me then to this is me now and those 20 years in between,

00:01:49that there was a real journey that happened.

00:01:52And there was a lot of things that I never even looked at.

00:01:55And then I started and I was like, well, there's a bigger, it's not just this beautiful kind of celebration of love and second chances and the idea of, you know, true love in a way.

00:02:09It was more than that.

00:02:10It was more than that.

00:02:11And this is me now became more than that.

00:02:14And there was more of the story to tell.

00:02:17And so, and that's why I decided to make the movie and, and film the process.

00:02:23We, you know, filmed the process of it as well, which became a documentary.

00:02:26I think it's a beautiful thing to witness because what it actually, we got it wrong.

00:02:30We thought this was part two, the love story part two.

00:02:33This was unrequited to requited the rare healing of a broken heart with the person who was part of the original heartbreak.

00:02:40That's what we focused on a year ago, kind of.

00:02:42And I know now that I've seen everything as well as heard everything to some degree that you want to show, which is everything.

00:02:50Yeah.

00:02:52Well, I think.

00:02:53It's about you, isn't it?

00:02:54Wasn't it about you?

00:02:55Wasn't it about you finding you?

00:02:56It was always, what you realize is that it's always about you.

00:02:58Yeah.

00:02:59That everything is about you.

00:03:03All the things that you think are wrong, all the things you think are great, all the things you think you can do better, you know, everything is about you.

00:03:10And sometimes we focus so much on people and how they feel about us and what they think about us and how we want them to love us and how we want to love them and all of the things.

00:03:18And we forget that everything that's being created in our life is us.

00:03:24It's nobody else.

00:03:26You know, yeah, we can be affected by certain things if we allow people to affect us in different ways.

00:03:30But the truth is, it's really about you and your journey and what you're going to make of your life and how you're going to create it and how much you're going to kind of learn to accept who you are.

00:03:43That's a big one.

00:03:44Yeah.

00:03:44That's a big one.

00:03:45And to do that, you sort of have to acknowledge who you were.

00:03:49You have to.

00:03:49And in a lot of respects that the journey that you are on, you weren't necessarily in charge of the starting point on that.

00:04:01It wasn't by design.

00:04:02It just happened.

00:04:03And, I mean, you would not only acknowledge that in the film and in the documentary, you start that album with it.

00:04:09But the opening line is so personal about your mother and about the idea of what you invest your life into, whether or not it was the right use of your energy and your time and how that won't be you.

00:04:22That's a powerful observation.

00:04:24Yeah.

00:04:24I think, you know, the first line of the record of the whole entire album and, well, first of all, it's the title track, which, you know, sometimes rarely happens.

00:04:33That title track really defines the whole project.

00:04:36And This Is Me Now, when we wrote that record on the first day that we were in the studio.

00:04:42That's a day one-er?

00:04:42Day one, we wrote Greatest Love Story Never Told.

00:04:46And This Is Me Now.

00:04:47You wrote the bookends on day one?

00:04:49Yes.

00:04:49And I was like, that's it.

00:04:50We have the beginning.

00:04:51And I knew it.

00:04:52I said, This Is Me Now is going to start the record.

00:04:54Greatest Love Story Never Told is going to end the record.

00:04:56Wow.

00:04:57Now we just have to get the rest of it together.

00:04:59Yeah, but honestly, I've been doing this for so long.

00:05:02And do you know how often people are waiting for the center of something to show up?

00:05:07Often you have the organs and the flesh, but you haven't got the heart.

00:05:10You've got the heart on day one.

00:05:12Yeah.

00:05:12I think when I walked in there with that book and I, you know, kind of presented it to everybody,

00:05:19which I shared this with you in the listening session, this book that was a gift that my husband gave me on our first Christmas back together.

00:05:28And it just had all these letters and correspondences that we had from the time we were together years ago.

00:05:38And then when we got back together, and there was a few emails in between that were very kind of like cordial.

00:05:43But he also kind of put our story in there in that book.

00:05:46And we had all these letters.

00:05:47And he's a writer.

00:05:48So he writes long, beautiful, poetic letters.

00:05:52And I brought it in there.

00:05:54And that kind of really set the tone for everybody to understand what the mission was.

00:05:59Like, we're going to put this feeling of this journey and what I've learned about love, which I've been searching for my whole life.

00:06:10What is it?

00:06:11What does it mean?

00:06:12Does it exist into this record?

00:06:15And we're going to show people, through this music, a celebration of love, but really that true love exists.

00:06:22And forever, some things do last forever.

00:06:24I think people, you know, we all get sold this kind of bill of goods, like these magical things don't exist in life.

00:06:30And they do.

00:06:32Magic is out there.

00:06:34Magic is real.

00:06:34It's real.

00:06:35But you have to work to hold on.

00:06:37Well, that's why the whole story was not the album.

00:06:41Yeah, right.

00:06:41The whole story has to do with how you get there.

00:06:45And the things that the difficult, really challenging things we have to go through as people to learn ourselves and to understand ourselves and to get to a place where we can do the thing that human beings are meant to do in this life, which is love.

00:07:01Love each other.

00:07:02Right?

00:07:03Like, that's the big mission.

00:07:04It's like, that's the goal.

00:07:06That's the thing that, you know, if you get to the end of your life, you go, I love somebody and they loved me too.

00:07:13And I left that, I got to experience that as a human being.

00:07:18Like, that was always the goal for me.

00:07:21Yeah, but no, the goal was this, everything that's in this room, right?

00:07:24The goal was the petals and the love story on wax.

00:07:28That's the art of it.

00:07:29That's the dream of it, right?

00:07:31The art of it.

00:07:31Yes, beautiful.

00:07:32But true love is having the person, your soulmate, sit on camera and see a side of you that you didn't even see yourself until you did the work, recognizing that only you can go through that experience to truly learn to love yourself.

00:07:54That's true love.

00:07:55That's real soulmate.

00:07:56Well, what it is, it allows you the love when it allows you the kind of like bed to lie and to look at those things.

00:08:06Yeah.

00:08:07Because I think when I was on my own all those years and in and out of different relationships, I was wondering, you know, why things didn't go in a way that I wanted them to go.

00:08:20Because I had the best intentions with these relationships.

00:08:23And I think those people did, too.

00:08:25And I was like, why?

00:08:26And the thing was, is I had to figure out myself.

00:08:28The thing was, I wasn't looking at it.

00:08:29I never felt safe enough to really look at it.

00:08:32I just had to keep going because things hurt and it was hard and I didn't understand it.

00:08:37And I was trying to figure it out.

00:08:38And and so when Ben and I got back together, we I was able to he was like, well, aren't you upset about some of these things that happened?

00:08:48I'm like, no, I'm good.

00:08:49But he's like, well, he made it safe for me to look at myself in a lot of ways that I just hadn't done.

00:09:01And now that I was older and had done a lot of work on myself, I was able to recognize that and go, well, yeah, I do need to look at those things.

00:09:09And the the experience of making the record and being so happy and celebratory and then delving deeper and deeper into the journey that it took to get there, which was, you know, harrowing at times and painful.

00:09:22And it's tough and not and not pretty.

00:09:26Oh, yeah.

00:09:26My therapist said to me when I first went and found the right therapist on the 1.0 therapy, not the 2.0 therapy.

00:09:33The first time and said, what do you want?

00:09:37I said, I want to go back.

00:09:38I don't want to be here.

00:09:39Let me go back to that place where I I didn't realize there was anything wrong.

00:09:43And I was just blissfully unaware.

00:09:45Ignorance can be bliss.

00:09:46Yeah.

00:09:46And he said, I got good news and bad news.

00:09:48He said, the bad news is you can't.

00:09:50You're here.

00:09:51There's only one way forward.

00:09:52The good news is it's going to be tough.

00:09:54But if you do the work, you'll be so much happier.

00:09:56It's going to be so much better.

00:09:58Yeah.

00:09:58It's going to be so much better.

00:10:00And what you realize is it doesn't go just to your relationship.

00:10:03It goes way back further than that to when you were a little kid.

00:10:08It goes back to the first line on this album.

00:10:10Yeah.

00:10:10It goes back to those.

00:10:11I watched my mother miss out on her life.

00:10:13That's it.

00:10:14And it's a heartbreaking thing.

00:10:16My mother hasn't even heard this yet, I don't think.

00:10:19We're live right now.

00:10:21Oh, we're live.

00:10:21No.

00:10:23I said, she has not heard it yet.

00:10:25And actually, I am going to play her the record.

00:10:28I think you probably should.

00:10:29No, I want to.

00:10:30And I know she's going to be like, well, what do you mean by that?

00:10:33And all kinds of things.

00:10:35And it'll open up a whole conversation.

00:10:37And I'm actually looking forward to that with her.

00:10:40To tell her how I feel about all those things.

00:10:43Was that line, in writing that line on day one,

00:10:46and recognizing that who you became in many respects

00:10:50started as a child, like it does with all of us,

00:10:55recognizing simple things that most people don't think are going to stick.

00:10:58For some reason, it sticks in you.

00:11:00And then that work ethic kicks in.

00:11:02And being a middle kid.

00:11:03And trying to figure out what your role in all this was.

00:11:05Like, no one works harder than you.

00:11:07That's firmly established.

00:11:08But that can be a positive thing.

00:11:11It can also be a really powerful distraction.

00:11:12Oh, it's incredibly unhealthy.

00:11:14It's a distraction, right?

00:11:16Yeah, for sure.

00:11:16It's totally dysfunctional on a certain level.

00:11:19And I think, too, that was part of looking at myself

00:11:22and learning myself and understanding that that was, you know,

00:11:26part of who I was.

00:11:29But I think the powerful thing about This Is Me Now

00:11:32is it is about accepting all the parts of yourself

00:11:39and embracing them fully

00:11:42and really celebrating all the tough things about you

00:11:49and all the beautiful things about you.

00:11:52Because we all have both of those things.

00:11:55And if you can learn to kind of look at yourself in the mirror and go,

00:11:59you know what?

00:12:00I am a workaholic.

00:12:02I do work too much.

00:12:04I do wish I had done this better and done that better.

00:12:07And I stayed in that relationship too long.

00:12:10And I didn't treat myself well.

00:12:12And I wish I could have been, you know,

00:12:17more aware of myself and how I was coming off to people.

00:12:23Self-awareness is one of the hardest things.

00:12:25All of those things, right?

00:12:26Like, I wish, but also, like,

00:12:29and also I forgive myself those things.

00:12:31So This Is Me Now, when I first heard the title after This Is Me Then,

00:12:35thought This Is Me Now in love and everything's worked out beautifully.

00:12:38But I realize now that there's an element of take it or leave it to that title.

00:12:42It's deeper.

00:12:42It's deeper than that.

00:12:43It is that.

00:12:45It is.

00:12:46This Is Me Now and This Is Me Then

00:12:47are the two moments of celebrate,

00:12:50two very celebratory moments of being completely and totally in love

00:12:56with the person that, you know, is your soulmate.

00:13:00Yeah.

00:13:00That's the person you want to be with.

00:13:02Yes.

00:13:02I found him then.

00:13:03It didn't work out.

00:13:04And it wasn't an unrequited love.

00:13:06Ben and I always loved each other.

00:13:08We had work to do.

00:13:10He had work to do and I had work to do, I think.

00:13:13And that was...

00:13:14But you didn't know that at the time.

00:13:14You couldn't honestly say at the time,

00:13:16we're breaking up.

00:13:17We got work to do.

00:13:18I'll see you back here in 20 years, baby.

00:13:19No, no, no.

00:13:20I'm not saying that.

00:13:21I'm saying that in retros.

00:13:22But now looking back on it, I realized that what it was...

00:13:25At that moment, it was just a heartbreak.

00:13:27Like, for some reason, we just can't make it.

00:13:30It's too much.

00:13:31The world is too much.

00:13:32This is too much.

00:13:33I've got to ask you a question at this point about that.

00:13:34He's too much, he's too much, you know.

00:13:36For you to break up three days before the wedding,

00:13:39the pressure that was piled upon you

00:13:41caused the wedding to be called off.

00:13:44But I never really understood.

00:13:46There's a difference between calling off a wedding,

00:13:48which is up until three days before,

00:13:50still going ahead under pressure,

00:13:53perhaps in helicopters,

00:13:54in the event of a century or whatever.

00:13:56Yeah.

00:13:57You broke up.

00:13:58You didn't just call the wedding off.

00:14:00Yeah.

00:14:01You called the whole thing off.

00:14:02Yeah.

00:14:03We didn't break up right at that moment.

00:14:06It happened over the series of the next few months.

00:14:09Right.

00:14:09Because what it did was it cast a doubt in me

00:14:12and both of us about what our relationship was

00:14:16and where it was going, I think.

00:14:18And I wanted to...

00:14:20I knew in my heart that I wanted to be with him

00:14:23for the rest of my life.

00:14:24I knew that.

00:14:26But it didn't feel like we were going to make it.

00:14:31And so it scared me.

00:14:33It was very hard.

00:14:35It was a very kind of sad moment

00:14:37of letting go of somebody that you truly love

00:14:40because you just can't figure it out.

00:14:43You just don't have the capacity

00:14:44and the ability at that moment emotionally

00:14:47to figure it out.

00:14:49We just weren't mature enough in that way.

00:14:51Even though he was in his late 20s,

00:14:53I was in my early 30s.

00:14:55It's still...

00:14:55It wasn't...

00:14:56We weren't ready to deal with and look at each other

00:15:00and go, what we have is real.

00:15:02We need to buckle down.

00:15:03We need to do some work.

00:15:04We didn't...

00:15:05We just weren't there yet.

00:15:06Yeah.

00:15:07And so we go, oh, this is what people do.

00:15:09They break up when things get hard

00:15:11and we're going to go our separate ways.

00:15:13And we went and we both tried

00:15:14and found other people

00:15:16and had beautiful children

00:15:17and had other families

00:15:19and even had other relationships after that.

00:15:22And it wasn't until both of us had done,

00:15:25I know for me, a lot of work

00:15:27and gotten to a place where I was like,

00:15:29you know what?

00:15:29I'm totally good on my own.

00:15:30I'm chill.

00:15:31I love my life.

00:15:33I have this amazing career

00:15:34that I've built for myself.

00:15:36I have these amazing children.

00:15:37I have great friends.

00:15:39That's when he showed back up.

00:15:40Yeah, you let go.

00:15:41See, it's crazy.

00:15:42And funnily enough,

00:15:43he said he had had the same type of experience.

00:15:45Crazy.

00:15:46And that's kind of how it went down.

00:15:49I don't really know

00:15:50what all the purpose of all of it is

00:15:52and in terms of all of it,

00:15:54all I know is that the closest thing

00:15:55I've ever gotten

00:15:56to truly understanding

00:15:58what the purpose is

00:15:59are those two words.

00:16:01Let go.

00:16:03It's funny.

00:16:04I have a big piece of art in my office.

00:16:08And I don't know if I've told you.

00:16:09Did I tell you this?

00:16:10It literally has a hand like that

00:16:14and a green little bird in it.

00:16:17And the hand's just open

00:16:18and the bird's just sitting there.

00:16:21And it says, let go.

00:16:22That's it.

00:16:23And the whole thing is like,

00:16:25if you can just trust.

00:16:26That's it.

00:16:27The bird's not going to go anywhere.

00:16:28The prize is going to stay right there.

00:16:30Yeah.

00:16:31But the minute you go like this.

00:16:32Oh, yeah, you kill it.

00:16:33The bird is like,

00:16:33it's done.

00:16:35It's done.

00:16:36You just have to have

00:16:38enough kind of sense of self

00:16:40and calmness

00:16:41and Buddha nature within you

00:16:43to just trust.

00:16:45But as soon as our trust

00:16:46gets broken as kids,

00:16:48which no shade to any parent,

00:16:50yours, mine,

00:16:52as a parent.

00:16:53As a parent.

00:16:54As soon as that moment

00:16:56when a kid realizes

00:16:57they're not entirely safe,

00:16:58which is an important growth point.

00:17:00Yeah.

00:17:00But it starts you on this journey

00:17:02of like,

00:17:03well,

00:17:03what and who can I trust?

00:17:05Right.

00:17:06And what is safety to me?

00:17:08Yeah.

00:17:08And what is security to me?

00:17:10Yeah.

00:17:11And it's so interesting

00:17:12both in the film

00:17:13and in the movie,

00:17:14the idea that you acknowledge

00:17:15that this sort of concept

00:17:17of what do I want to be

00:17:18when I grow up?

00:17:19Well, I want to be in love.

00:17:20Yeah.

00:17:20I'd never even heard

00:17:21that answer before.

00:17:22I didn't even know

00:17:23that was a thing.

00:17:24Well, because when you grow up

00:17:26and you're sold like

00:17:27when I was a little girl,

00:17:30you know,

00:17:31it was all about fairy tales,

00:17:32Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty

00:17:33and this person

00:17:34and that person.

00:17:35And the whole thing was like,

00:17:38Prince Charming's

00:17:39going to come along

00:17:40and you're going to live

00:17:41in this beautiful castle

00:17:42and have beautiful dresses

00:17:43and it's going to be amazing

00:17:44and you're going to live

00:17:45happily ever after.

00:17:46And that was my idea.

00:17:48So I grew up

00:17:49and what I wanted to be

00:17:50was, you know,

00:17:51in love.

00:17:51And I had the heart

00:17:53of a romantic

00:17:54and of an artist.

00:17:54And so it became

00:17:57almost like

00:17:57the only thing

00:17:59that was important.

00:18:00And then as I grew up,

00:18:02I realized that was because,

00:18:03you know,

00:18:04I had a dad

00:18:04who worked all night.

00:18:05I had a mom

00:18:06who was kind of,

00:18:07you know,

00:18:08the center of attention

00:18:09all the time

00:18:10and a big kind of like,

00:18:11you know,

00:18:11it's all about me

00:18:13and, you know,

00:18:14so those two things

00:18:17really contributed

00:18:18to me wanting to,

00:18:22like,

00:18:22what about,

00:18:23where's the love

00:18:24that I'm supposed

00:18:25to have

00:18:26and am I,

00:18:27I'm supposed to get.

00:18:28And so I was always

00:18:29looking for that.

00:18:30I was always searching for that.

00:18:31So how do you translate

00:18:31the world's love

00:18:32when you're looking

00:18:33for real love?

00:18:34Because they're

00:18:35very different things.

00:18:37And if you can't find it

00:18:38in the home

00:18:39that you're in

00:18:40at that moment in time,

00:18:42that's lasting.

00:18:42In the way that you need it.

00:18:44And that you need it.

00:18:44Because everybody

00:18:45needs it differently, right?

00:18:46Correct, correct.

00:18:47So if you can't find it

00:18:47that way

00:18:48and so you apply yourself

00:18:50to work

00:18:50and you're really good

00:18:52and you get better

00:18:52and then you become successful

00:18:54and then the world

00:18:54recognizes your talents

00:18:55and ability

00:18:56with the utmost success,

00:18:57that is a form of love.

00:18:59Well, yeah,

00:18:59what happens is

00:19:01you start doing things

00:19:02to get the attention

00:19:03and love that you need, right?

00:19:05And so you start

00:19:07overachieving.

00:19:09And so I overachieved

00:19:10in sports.

00:19:11You know,

00:19:11I ran track.

00:19:12I had all these,

00:19:13I had a wall

00:19:14this big

00:19:14full of medals

00:19:15and trophies.

00:19:16You know what I mean?

00:19:17And I had,

00:19:18and after that

00:19:18I got into dancing

00:19:19and then I was like

00:19:20the star dancer

00:19:21at my, you know,

00:19:23little local boys

00:19:24and girls club.

00:19:25There was two of us

00:19:26and we were the ones

00:19:27and da-da-da-da.

00:19:27And, you know,

00:19:28and little by little

00:19:29it was always about

00:19:30trying to get that attention,

00:19:33trying to get that love

00:19:35from people.

00:19:36And I never looked at it,

00:19:38I never felt like

00:19:39I wanted to be famous.

00:19:43That wasn't my thing.

00:19:44What I wanted to do

00:19:45was sing and dance

00:19:46and be able to make

00:19:47a living that way

00:19:48and act.

00:19:50That was my thing.

00:19:51That's all I ever

00:19:53wanted to do.

00:19:54I saw,

00:19:55I saw it on TV.

00:19:57I saw it in musicals.

00:19:58My mother loved music.

00:20:00You know,

00:20:00she was obsessed

00:20:01with music

00:20:02and she was obsessed

00:20:03with musicals

00:20:03and she was obsessed

00:20:04with great film

00:20:05and she was obsessed

00:20:06with history.

00:20:06There was things

00:20:07that my mom,

00:20:07and because she was

00:20:08alone raising us

00:20:09and my dad was sleeping

00:20:10all day and working

00:20:11all night

00:20:11and kind of not there

00:20:13and I was wishing

00:20:14I had more time.

00:20:15All of these things

00:20:16informed a person

00:20:17who, you know,

00:20:19went out there

00:20:21and was trying

00:20:22to, you know,

00:20:23do what I wanted

00:20:25to do

00:20:25and in a way

00:20:26also searching

00:20:28for that love

00:20:29and attention

00:20:30and kind of

00:20:31somebody to see me.

00:20:32I love the connection

00:20:34that's clearly made

00:20:35between J-Lo,

00:20:38not Jennifer Lopez,

00:20:39but J-Lo,

00:20:40this identity

00:20:41of like what it can,

00:20:43what a real

00:20:44like modern

00:20:46pop star,

00:20:48dancer,

00:20:49performer,

00:20:50writer,

00:20:50producer can be

00:20:51and the love

00:20:53that you really

00:20:54are searching for

00:20:55in your personal life

00:20:56because this album

00:20:57didn't get made

00:20:58until that got repaired.

00:21:00It's crazy to me.

00:21:01Yeah,

00:21:02it's,

00:21:02well,

00:21:03it's actually

00:21:04really makes

00:21:04perfect sense.

00:21:05Yeah.

00:21:06You know,

00:21:07it's the only way

00:21:08the album could have

00:21:08been made.

00:21:09I just wouldn't,

00:21:09it would have never

00:21:10had been made

00:21:10if he and I

00:21:12hadn't,

00:21:12if I hadn't

00:21:13found that love.

00:21:14a lot of artists

00:21:14make music

00:21:14to work through

00:21:15that pain

00:21:16and you get

00:21:17the I'm Not With Ben

00:21:18album

00:21:18and then you get

00:21:19the I've Divorced

00:21:19This Person album

00:21:20and you get

00:21:20the album

00:21:21step by step by step.

00:21:21I never wrote those albums.

00:21:22You never made those albums.

00:21:23No, no, no,

00:21:23but in a way

00:21:25I made that movie

00:21:26just now.

00:21:27You made that movie

00:21:28just now.

00:21:28In a way,

00:21:29in a way

00:21:29because it's very meta.

00:21:30It's not exactly me

00:21:32when you're watching it

00:21:33but there is

00:21:34essences of my life

00:21:36within it

00:21:37and different metaphors.

00:21:38It's a very metaphorical

00:21:39kind of surrealistic

00:21:40you know,

00:21:41kind of musical

00:21:42journey

00:21:43that you're watching

00:21:44but

00:21:46it's definitely

00:21:48something that

00:21:49going back

00:21:51to your very first question

00:21:52that

00:21:52I feel proud of.

00:21:54I feel like

00:21:55as an artist

00:21:56this is the one thing

00:21:57that you want to do.

00:21:58You want to take

00:21:59what you know

00:22:01what you've learned

00:22:02through your own

00:22:04experiences

00:22:06and

00:22:06make something

00:22:08that has a true

00:22:09that is

00:22:11that is honest

00:22:11and that is personal

00:22:13but also

00:22:14that has

00:22:15a message to it

00:22:17that you feel

00:22:18really compelled

00:22:19to share.

00:22:19Can I share something

00:22:20with you that

00:22:21probably won't surprise you now

00:22:22and that is that

00:22:23I don't

00:22:23I'm getting to know you

00:22:25over time

00:22:26I don't really know Ben

00:22:27but after that conversation

00:22:29I was concerned

00:22:30because you were saying

00:22:31hey

00:22:32I'm celebrating this old album

00:22:34I'm back in love

00:22:34we're great

00:22:35I'm married again

00:22:36this is

00:22:36it's happily ever after

00:22:38I'm going to tell that story again

00:22:39and I didn't know

00:22:41the nuances of

00:22:42how it was going to be

00:22:43about self-worth

00:22:44and identifying yourself

00:22:45and I'm like

00:22:46oh my days

00:22:48you're going to do this again

00:22:49like didn't you just do this

00:22:5020 years ago

00:22:51and didn't that bring

00:22:51all this pressure on

00:22:52and so when I watched

00:22:52heard the music again

00:22:54in relation to the dark

00:22:55and the movie

00:22:56I was relieved

00:22:58that other people

00:22:58were concerned as well

00:23:00I don't think anybody

00:23:01understood what I really

00:23:03wanted to do

00:23:03not even Ben

00:23:04you know

00:23:05he was like

00:23:06I didn't understand

00:23:06that it wasn't about me

00:23:07no it wasn't about him

00:23:08yeah

00:23:09this was about

00:23:10my

00:23:11a personal

00:23:12journey

00:23:13and the things

00:23:13that I've learned

00:23:14and

00:23:15and really about

00:23:17understanding

00:23:18that to love

00:23:20you need to

00:23:22know yourself

00:23:23and

00:23:24love yourself

00:23:25first

00:23:26and

00:23:26and you can't

00:23:27give up on that

00:23:28you can't give up

00:23:29on yourself

00:23:30you know

00:23:31and I think

00:23:32we all get hopeless

00:23:33at times

00:23:34I think we all

00:23:35kind of want to go

00:23:36oh fuck this

00:23:37I'm done

00:23:38I can't do this

00:23:40anymore

00:23:40and all I'm saying

00:23:41is don't

00:23:42don't

00:23:43hang in there

00:23:44you know what I mean

00:23:46just keep doing the work

00:23:47on you

00:23:47just keep it focused

00:23:49you

00:23:50you are the thing

00:23:51you know where you fall short

00:23:53you know where you're really

00:23:55your strengths are

00:23:56and

00:23:57hold on

00:23:58through the difficult times

00:23:59because I feel like

00:24:00all of that time

00:24:01was difficult times

00:24:02and

00:24:04that's

00:24:06this

00:24:06this whole thing

00:24:08of everybody around me

00:24:09kind of being nervous

00:24:11about

00:24:11what

00:24:13I was trying

00:24:14to say

00:24:15I think now

00:24:16when they see it

00:24:16they go

00:24:17oh

00:24:17I would hope

00:24:18that I think

00:24:19that's what you're saying

00:24:20I don't know

00:24:20definitely

00:24:20everyone comes to that

00:24:21conclusion

00:24:22but so do you

00:24:23and that's what's

00:24:23beautiful about the trade

00:24:24I know I'm putting

00:24:26myself out there

00:24:27I know that

00:24:28but I believe

00:24:29that the message

00:24:30is worth it

00:24:31yeah

00:24:31that

00:24:32and that

00:24:33and as an artist

00:24:33all you can do

00:24:34is do

00:24:35do what you feel

00:24:36despite

00:24:38like I say

00:24:39do it

00:24:40do it

00:24:40fucking afraid

00:24:41that's such a great line

00:24:42fuck it

00:24:43yeah

00:24:43fuck it

00:24:44fuck it

00:24:45like

00:24:45you can only

00:24:47it's like

00:24:48I have to put my head

00:24:49down at night

00:24:49and go

00:24:50okay

00:24:50am I happy

00:24:52with what I've done

00:24:53or am I not

00:24:53was I too afraid

00:24:55to do what

00:24:57I felt in my heart

00:24:58I should do

00:24:59how depressing

00:25:00would it be

00:25:00to come out

00:25:00of all of this time

00:25:01all of this work

00:25:0220 years

00:25:03after you fell in love

00:25:04with Ben

00:25:04the first time

00:25:05and still be afraid

00:25:06that would be

00:25:07that would be tragic

00:25:08that would be tragic

00:25:10and

00:25:12I had a

00:25:15I had a beautiful vision

00:25:17and I had a great partner

00:25:18in Dave Myers

00:25:18I don't want to leave him

00:25:20out of this either

00:25:20who is such a

00:25:23incredible visualist

00:25:25and a great

00:25:26director

00:25:27and we really did

00:25:28this project together

00:25:29and he was so gracious

00:25:30to almost let me

00:25:31kind of

00:25:32direct right alongside

00:25:34of him

00:25:34every single idea

00:25:35and know

00:25:36and things

00:25:37that we wrote in it

00:25:38and all of that

00:25:39kind of stuff

00:25:39yeah

00:25:40so

00:25:41but it's all there

00:25:42in the music

00:25:43that's the thing

00:25:44that I'm so

00:25:45I'm so happy

00:25:47about the fact

00:25:48that the album

00:25:48just snaps

00:25:49and it fucking

00:25:52just

00:25:52it just

00:25:53it jumps out

00:25:54of the headphones

00:25:55and out of the speakers

00:25:56thank you

00:25:57and it sounds

00:25:58so present

00:26:00and

00:26:00the songs

00:26:01know themselves

00:26:02so well

00:26:03I think

00:26:04every lyric

00:26:05on there

00:26:06there is no

00:26:07fluff

00:26:07there is no

00:26:09kind of like

00:26:10oh we're just

00:26:11gonna do this

00:26:11because it sounds good

00:26:13everything is very

00:26:14purposeful

00:26:15every lyric

00:26:16every sentiment

00:26:17every between the line

00:26:19thing that you can have

00:26:20every even

00:26:21all of the music

00:26:22everything that

00:26:22Roger and Angel

00:26:24and Giddy

00:26:24and all of these guys

00:26:25did

00:26:26is so

00:26:27kind of

00:26:28elevated

00:26:30and

00:26:32the perfect

00:26:35kind of

00:26:36environment

00:26:38for this

00:26:39and they did it

00:26:40and it was only

00:26:41because they felt it

00:26:42too

00:26:42they felt it

00:26:44and understood

00:26:45the mission

00:26:45in a way

00:26:46but they understood

00:26:47that

00:26:48this had to

00:26:50have its own

00:26:51sound

00:26:53but it still

00:26:53had to be me

00:26:54I didn't want

00:26:55to sound like

00:26:56everything

00:26:56that's out there

00:26:57and current

00:26:57and all of that

00:26:58right now

00:26:58I knew

00:26:59just having them

00:27:00work on it

00:27:01was gonna make it

00:27:01current

00:27:01I knew

00:27:02that making

00:27:03something beautiful

00:27:04makes it current

00:27:05that those fears

00:27:07have left me

00:27:07a long time ago

00:27:09you know what I mean

00:27:10I don't think about that

00:27:11when I'm making music

00:27:12it sounds like

00:27:13it sounds like

00:27:14your audio palette

00:27:14it has the harp

00:27:16and it has the gentle

00:27:17touches of everything

00:27:18with the heavy low end

00:27:19and the danceable beats

00:27:20and it gives you

00:27:21this beautiful canvas

00:27:22upon which to paint

00:27:24the truth

00:27:24and I think about

00:27:26some of the songs

00:27:26that really jump out

00:27:27like Rebound

00:27:28what an incredibly

00:27:29succinct way

00:27:30to describe

00:27:31one of life's

00:27:32most beautiful

00:27:33and ill-advised moves

00:27:35but it's the thing

00:27:37though

00:27:37it's like

00:27:38there's nobody

00:27:38who hasn't done this

00:27:39and it was just like

00:27:41it's such a

00:27:42perfectly

00:27:42for me

00:27:43written song

00:27:44like you hear it

00:27:45and you understand

00:27:46you understand it

00:27:47that's what it is

00:27:48that's exactly

00:27:49what it is

00:27:50ran into your arms

00:27:51running from the pain

00:27:52look past all them

00:27:55as you know

00:27:55it's got to be

00:27:57a line you walk

00:27:58though

00:27:58when you make something

00:27:59that whilst embellished

00:28:00and turned into

00:28:01more of a universal

00:28:03metaphor

00:28:03about self-worth

00:28:04and the healing

00:28:05of one's own heart

00:28:06that you are drawing

00:28:08inspiration from

00:28:08the album

00:28:09and therefore

00:28:10drawing inspiration

00:28:11from your life story

00:28:12so there is

00:28:12a beautiful marriage

00:28:13of those things

00:28:15and I think about

00:28:16how you walk

00:28:19that line

00:28:20whilst respecting

00:28:21the relationships

00:28:22that kept you

00:28:23safe in those times

00:28:24until they didn't

00:28:25and there's a moment

00:28:27that you kept

00:28:28in the movie

00:28:28which I thought

00:28:29was powerful

00:28:29about potentially

00:28:32working with

00:28:32Anthony Ramos

00:28:33and him saying

00:28:33look I'm friends

00:28:34with Mark

00:28:35yeah

00:28:35he really felt like

00:28:37is this about Mark

00:28:40and I'm like

00:28:40no

00:28:41this is

00:28:42an amalgamation

00:28:43kind of like

00:28:44an idea

00:28:47about toxic

00:28:48being in toxic

00:28:50relationships

00:28:50and

00:28:51you know

00:28:54and it's funny

00:28:54because as I was

00:28:55this was just

00:28:56even this week

00:28:58as I'm thinking

00:28:58about it

00:28:59I'm remembering

00:28:59still as I delved

00:29:01into my past

00:29:02and looking at

00:29:03that 20 year journey

00:29:04as I was writing

00:29:05this movie

00:29:06I

00:29:07I remembered

00:29:09things

00:29:09from years ago

00:29:11that wound up

00:29:12in the film

00:29:12you know what I mean

00:29:13that before

00:29:14this is me then

00:29:15in relationships

00:29:17where that

00:29:18little pattern

00:29:19that I had

00:29:21not that anybody

00:29:22else had

00:29:23that I had

00:29:24to be in

00:29:26and attract

00:29:27this type of

00:29:28relationship

00:29:29and not understand

00:29:30myself enough

00:29:31to you know

00:29:32say I don't like

00:29:33this

00:29:33I don't want

00:29:34I don't like

00:29:35the way this feels

00:29:36or this is not

00:29:37who I am

00:29:37or you know

00:29:38what one therapist

00:29:42used to call

00:29:42kind of like

00:29:43sliding under men

00:29:44you know what I mean

00:29:45sliding under them

00:29:46and you know

00:29:47not being in my

00:29:49full voice

00:29:50and in my full power

00:29:51all the time

00:29:51that that

00:29:53that pattern

00:29:54started way

00:29:55long long

00:29:55before any

00:29:57marriage I ever had

00:29:58but I thought

00:30:00it was very important

00:30:01because we wrote

00:30:01the song rebound

00:30:02and because that

00:30:03was about

00:30:03you know

00:30:04relationships

00:30:05and being

00:30:07being dysfunctional

00:30:08and running

00:30:09from relationship

00:30:10to relationship

00:30:10and rebounding

00:30:11and rebounding

00:30:12it wasn't one time

00:30:13it wasn't one time

00:30:14I did it

00:30:15I did it several times

00:30:16yeah you may

00:30:17it may take a while

00:30:18to learn the lesson

00:30:18you may have to learn

00:30:19it too many times

00:30:20but

00:30:21but you keep making

00:30:22the same mistakes

00:30:23until it gets worse

00:30:24and worse and worse

00:30:25and then you go

00:30:25okay

00:30:25enough of this

00:30:27how challenging

00:30:28if at all

00:30:29was it for Ben

00:30:30to watch

00:30:30that particular sequence

00:30:32I think this whole

00:30:35entire process

00:30:37has been difficult

00:30:38for Ben

00:30:40because

00:30:41one he's much

00:30:43you know

00:30:44he doesn't

00:30:45he's not a musical artist

00:30:46and so

00:30:47he doesn't share

00:30:48things in that way

00:30:49musically

00:30:50he kind of

00:30:50writes stories

00:30:51and directs movies

00:30:53and everything's

00:30:54all kind of like

00:30:55acting

00:30:56and you know

00:30:57in that realm

00:30:58whereas

00:30:59with music

00:31:00it's a different

00:31:00thing

00:31:01it's like

00:31:01right

00:31:02you put your

00:31:03your thing

00:31:03right on the record

00:31:04and I think

00:31:05right from the

00:31:06you know

00:31:07writing Broken Like Me

00:31:08for him

00:31:09was something

00:31:10that he couldn't bear

00:31:11he would leave the studio

00:31:12and just be like

00:31:13I can't

00:31:14I can't

00:31:14this is too much

00:31:16you know

00:31:17for me to

00:31:18even think about

00:31:19like that you feel this way

00:31:21or that you felt that way

00:31:23or that you make

00:31:24you know

00:31:25even though he pushed me

00:31:26to do those things

00:31:28like look at this

00:31:30look at the pain

00:31:31look at this

00:31:31don't just make this record

00:31:32about

00:31:33all the happy

00:31:35you know

00:31:36sunshiny hearts

00:31:37and flowers

00:31:38make it the other thing

00:31:40too

00:31:40infuse it with that

00:31:42too

00:31:42and that's what got me

00:31:44on the path

00:31:45to

00:31:46you know

00:31:47looking at like

00:31:48okay I don't want to

00:31:48just make a

00:31:50compilation of music videos

00:31:53or put out a single

00:31:54in a video

00:31:54and take the normal route

00:31:56that everybody does

00:31:57I realized that

00:31:58there was something

00:31:59much more

00:31:59important

00:32:00for me

00:32:01to do here

00:32:02with this music

00:32:04I thought it was

00:32:04special enough

00:32:05to do something

00:32:06really

00:32:06extraordinary

00:32:08and that had

00:32:08never been done

00:32:09and isn't that

00:32:10who he fell in love

00:32:10with in the first place

00:32:11no way

00:32:13it's not like

00:32:13he woke up one day

00:32:14and went

00:32:14wait you're ambitious

00:32:15yeah

00:32:15I did not see that coming

00:32:17yeah

00:32:18yeah

00:32:18or you know

00:32:19or that you're

00:32:20you wear

00:32:21he knows my heart

00:32:22he knows I wear my heart

00:32:24on my sleeve

00:32:24he knows who I am

00:32:26and he

00:32:27accepts that

00:32:28and loves me

00:32:28that's why

00:32:29and I love who he is

00:32:31you know

00:32:31and so

00:32:32that part of it

00:32:33may have been

00:32:34uncomfortable

00:32:35in different moments

00:32:36for him

00:32:37but at the end of the day

00:32:38I think he thinks

00:32:39you know

00:32:39you have to express yourself

00:32:41the way you want to express yourself

00:32:42I would never want you

00:32:43to tell me

00:32:44don't make that movie

00:32:45or don't write about that

00:32:46or don't write about this

00:32:47no

00:32:48he has to do what he

00:32:49he has to do

00:32:50as in you know

00:32:51to fulfill his own life

00:32:52I have to say

00:32:53having not really spent much time

00:32:55speaking with him

00:32:56I thought that

00:32:57the way that he shows up

00:33:00in this

00:33:01in this

00:33:01documentary

00:33:02yeah

00:33:03is

00:33:03fantastic

00:33:05his

00:33:06the way that he

00:33:07sees you

00:33:08and

00:33:08shows his concern

00:33:10but also allows you

00:33:11the space

00:33:11to be able to make

00:33:12your own decisions

00:33:13be it good ones

00:33:14or bad ones

00:33:15and trusts you

00:33:16yeah

00:33:16but all the while

00:33:17sort of pointing out

00:33:18quite quietly

00:33:18and thoughtfully

00:33:19that

00:33:20you know

00:33:21there may be still

00:33:21a few questions

00:33:22you have to ask yourself

00:33:23why are you still doing this

00:33:24and is this enough

00:33:25really thoughtful

00:33:27really cool

00:33:27that's who he is

00:33:28that's truly who he is

00:33:30that's just the eternally

00:33:31tired guy

00:33:31getting out of the

00:33:32out of the GMC

00:33:34with a coffee in his hand

00:33:35he's also that guy

00:33:36which is by the way

00:33:37he's also

00:33:37I love that side of him

00:33:38I'm not going to lie

00:33:39he speaks for all of us

00:33:40we have five kids

00:33:41we're eternally exhausted

00:33:43I just wear a lot more makeup

00:33:46I may have a few

00:33:47too many social media posts

00:33:49favorited

00:33:49of Ben Affleck

00:33:50getting out of cars tired

00:33:51because I'm like

00:33:52that is exactly me

00:33:53he must crack up laughing though

00:33:55that we all sort of

00:33:56identify with that side of him

00:33:57he says

00:33:58he always says

00:33:59he's like

00:33:59I have become the symbol

00:34:00for the beleaguered man

00:34:01he's like

00:34:02I don't know how this happened

00:34:03and it's because

00:34:04they just have to follow me

00:34:05every single day

00:34:06and a lot of times

00:34:08it's like

00:34:08the thing of like

00:34:09oh he's mad at Jennifer

00:34:11he's happy with Jennifer

00:34:12all of this nonsense

00:34:13and he's like

00:34:14no I'm not

00:34:15I'm not happy

00:34:16because the paparazzi

00:34:17is there again

00:34:18that Grammys thing

00:34:19which you laugh about

00:34:20in the dark

00:34:21was like

00:34:22that was like a real thing

00:34:24people were analyzing that

00:34:25like what's going on

00:34:26and you want to hear

00:34:27something funny

00:34:27so Fat Joe

00:34:28who's in this movie

00:34:29great therapist

00:34:30by the way

00:34:30I can't wait

00:34:31amazing

00:34:31only we could all have

00:34:32therapists as good as Fat Joe

00:34:33like as Joe

00:34:34he was at the Grammys

00:34:36and his experience

00:34:38was so

00:34:39he sat right behind us

00:34:40at the Grammys

00:34:41and he goes

00:34:42god you guys were so happy

00:34:44you couldn't keep your hands

00:34:45off each other

00:34:45but the cameras

00:34:47didn't catch that

00:34:49they caught us going

00:34:50oh the guy's coming

00:34:51shh

00:34:51yeah yeah yeah

00:34:52you know doing that thing

00:34:53that's what you were doing

00:34:54right you were like

00:34:54just hold it down

00:34:55I was like no no no

00:34:56I know because he was like

00:34:57I'm moving out

00:34:58and I was like no

00:34:59don't leave me

00:34:59come back

00:35:00and then I tried to

00:35:01just be kind of normal

00:35:02and everybody thought

00:35:03I was like

00:35:03I don't know what they thought

00:35:05who cares

00:35:05but the point is

00:35:06it's just

00:35:06it is very funny

00:35:08and we do have

00:35:09fun with it

00:35:10and laugh with it

00:35:10because

00:35:11you know

00:35:12we feel very good

00:35:13about where we are

00:35:14right now

00:35:14and that's the difference

00:35:16the difference is that

00:35:17over the course of

00:35:18in the space between

00:35:19then and now

00:35:21it doesn't matter

00:35:24well that stuff

00:35:24would have got to us before

00:35:26exactly

00:35:26and now it doesn't

00:35:27because again

00:35:29we know who we are

00:35:29we're older

00:35:30we have five kids

00:35:32which is so much more important

00:35:33than any of the other bullsh**

00:35:35you know

00:35:35we want them to be good

00:35:37we worry more

00:35:38that they read things

00:35:39like these things

00:35:40and you know

00:35:40more than what we feel about it

00:35:42it's like

00:35:42what do they feel

00:35:43they think we're fighting

00:35:44we're not fighting

00:35:45and you can't protect them

00:35:46from that right

00:35:46you can't protect them

00:35:47we can't

00:35:48because they're

00:35:49you know

00:35:49techie kids

00:35:50like every other kid

00:35:51you know

00:35:52they're on their phone

00:35:52constantly

00:35:53they're you know

00:35:54search everything

00:35:55the minute you say

00:35:56any new word to them

00:35:57they look at you know

00:35:58any new name

00:35:59any new anything

00:36:00any new information

00:36:01they want to know

00:36:01what it is

00:36:02and they know they can

00:36:02and so

00:36:03they're much more informed

00:36:04and much more

00:36:05and it's you know

00:36:06totally into the meme culture

00:36:08and think it's hysterical

00:36:10oh I know

00:36:10we have two teenage boys

00:36:11I get it

00:36:12do you ever feel

00:36:13that you have to

00:36:14sit them down

00:36:15and remind them

00:36:16that it's not real

00:36:17what they're reading

00:36:18or what they're seeing

00:36:19or do they know you enough

00:36:20to know

00:36:21that it's not real

00:36:22yes

00:36:22and now that they're

00:36:23a little bit older

00:36:24we have

00:36:24you know

00:36:25we try not to like

00:36:27make it such a big thing

00:36:28in our house

00:36:29because we have

00:36:29you know

00:36:30their lives are so much more

00:36:32than the fact

00:36:33that we're their parents

00:36:34in that way

00:36:35you know

00:36:36that they're famous

00:36:36we're famous

00:36:37and so we don't

00:36:39we do it in ways

00:36:40that kind of just like

00:36:41go by

00:36:41like you know

00:36:42that's not

00:36:43that's ridiculous

00:36:44right

00:36:44they're like

00:36:45no we know

00:36:46we know

00:36:46and they're all

00:36:47so incredibly

00:36:48smart

00:36:49and heartful

00:36:50and brilliant

00:36:51in their own ways

00:36:53and have handled

00:36:55this really well

00:36:56because they

00:36:57the five of them

00:36:58have had a difficult

00:37:00kind of

00:37:01I wouldn't say difficult

00:37:03but kind of like

00:37:04this surrealistic

00:37:05kind of upbringing

00:37:06where they've been watched

00:37:07from the time

00:37:08they were very small

00:37:10and so them becoming

00:37:11who they are

00:37:12in the public eye

00:37:13has been

00:37:13you know

00:37:14could be very

00:37:16very hard for them

00:37:16and I'm sure it is at times

00:37:18even more than they share

00:37:19with us

00:37:20but they handled it

00:37:22very beautifully

00:37:22has it been a joy

00:37:24to watch them

00:37:25come together

00:37:26oh my god

00:37:27oh my god

00:37:28we have the most

00:37:29colorful

00:37:30beautiful

00:37:30kind of complicated

00:37:32household

00:37:34and

00:37:36and we wouldn't

00:37:37have it any other way

00:37:38yeah

00:37:38we love it

00:37:39we love it

00:37:40and our main concern

00:37:41I always tell them

00:37:43I said

00:37:43we were up talking late

00:37:44about you guys

00:37:45of course

00:37:46you know

00:37:46and we let them know

00:37:48that they're the

00:37:49kind of center

00:37:50of our universe

00:37:51in that way

00:37:51we love our work

00:37:52he loves his work

00:37:53I love my work

00:37:54we're both artists

00:37:55and they understand that

00:37:56and they know

00:37:57we put a lot of time

00:37:57into that

00:37:58but they also

00:37:59I believe

00:38:00I would like to believe

00:38:01in my heart of hearts

00:38:02that they know

00:38:02that they are

00:38:03the loves of our life

00:38:04and the center

00:38:05of our universe

00:38:06when you made this album

00:38:07and you gave it tempo

00:38:08and you gave it life

00:38:09and you gave it movement

00:38:10and then you decided

00:38:11to bring it to life

00:38:12with movement

00:38:13did you realize

00:38:14that the task

00:38:15you were setting yourself

00:38:16because the choreography

00:38:17that you've put

00:38:18into this

00:38:19into this movie

00:38:20is nothing short

00:38:21of incredible

00:38:22thank you

00:38:23you brought the songs

00:38:24to life

00:38:24I know that you're a dancer

00:38:26and a dancer

00:38:26first and foremost

00:38:27that's probably how you chose

00:38:28to express yourself

00:38:28artistically first

00:38:29but still

00:38:31this is

00:38:31an enormous amount

00:38:33of time

00:38:33that's gone into

00:38:34the craft of this

00:38:35yeah

00:38:36and it was really

00:38:37a crafting

00:38:38right

00:38:38you know

00:38:38I think for years

00:38:39I was

00:38:41had a lot of

00:38:43kind of feelings

00:38:45and was made

00:38:46to feel

00:38:46like you know

00:38:47because I was a singer

00:38:49and a recording artist

00:38:50and an actor

00:38:51that one was not

00:38:52more you know

00:38:53like I couldn't be

00:38:54a real recording artist

00:38:55because I was an actor

00:38:56and I wasn't a real actor

00:38:58because I was J-Lo

00:38:59and now you've got

00:39:00and she's amazing

00:39:01you've got Olivia Rodrigo

00:39:02who came from

00:39:03this world of entertainment

00:39:04crushing it

00:39:05in this world of entertainment

00:39:06but it was a different time

00:39:07it was a different time

00:39:08and also

00:39:09it goes to the bigger message

00:39:11which is

00:39:12I have taken

00:39:14all of the things

00:39:15you said

00:39:15this was crafted

00:39:16I have taken

00:39:17all of the things

00:39:18that I do

00:39:18and put them

00:39:20all into this

00:39:21the actor

00:39:22the writer

00:39:23the songwriter

00:39:24the movie writer

00:39:25the you know

00:39:26producer

00:39:26the choreographer

00:39:27the dancer

00:39:28the you know

00:39:30the actress

00:39:32all of it

00:39:33is in here

00:39:34in a way

00:39:35the editor

00:39:36I did everything

00:39:38on this movie

00:39:39and

00:39:40in a way

00:39:42that I'm like

00:39:42I do all these things

00:39:44that's okay

00:39:46stop trying to

00:39:47put me in one box

00:39:49to say that

00:39:50that's

00:39:51okay you're credible

00:39:52now because you do

00:39:53just this one thing

00:39:54no

00:39:54it is possible

00:39:55to do

00:39:56many many things

00:39:57and I think

00:39:57for the first time

00:39:58I was like

00:39:58no I'm going to

00:39:59take all of the

00:40:00things I do

00:40:00and put them

00:40:01all on this

00:40:02and I'm going to

00:40:03really realize

00:40:05that in a way

00:40:06that

00:40:07I had never

00:40:09done before

00:40:09or I was afraid

00:40:10to kind of

00:40:11do

00:40:13to commit to all of them

00:40:15with equal passion

00:40:16it made me feel

00:40:17if I'm acting

00:40:18I just have to

00:40:19be the actress

00:40:20and if I'm singing

00:40:20I just have to be

00:40:21the singer

00:40:21and if I go into

00:40:23I used to be afraid

00:40:24to go meet directors

00:40:25and

00:40:26the minute I knew

00:40:29if they call me J-Lo

00:40:30I knew I wasn't

00:40:30getting the part

00:40:31you know what I mean

00:40:32it was like

00:40:33they don't take me

00:40:34seriously

00:40:34and it was like

00:40:35no

00:40:35actually all of these

00:40:37things that I do

00:40:37amplified this

00:40:38in a way

00:40:39it's like

00:40:39you're right

00:40:40the fact that I

00:40:41started as a dancer

00:40:42made this movie

00:40:44you know

00:40:44I crafted

00:40:46every number

00:40:46right alongside

00:40:47brilliant choreographers

00:40:49in Luther Brown

00:40:51who did a lot of it

00:40:52and

00:40:53Paris Goebel

00:40:55and Tessa Thompson

00:40:56like

00:40:56these three

00:40:57really kind of

00:40:59helped me

00:41:00kind of bring this

00:41:01vision that I had

00:41:02to life

00:41:02and

00:41:03I've always wanted

00:41:04to do a musical

00:41:05I didn't know

00:41:05I'd make my own musical

00:41:07and this really

00:41:08hadn't ever been done

00:41:09where you take

00:41:09an existing album

00:41:11and make a movie

00:41:12create the story

00:41:14and then create

00:41:15the numbers

00:41:15from that

00:41:16and try to make

00:41:17them all make sense

00:41:18and so that was

00:41:19a daunting task

00:41:21and when I told Dave

00:41:22that's kind of like

00:41:23what I want to do

00:41:24he was like

00:41:24okay

00:41:25let's do it

00:41:26and he was so game

00:41:27and really

00:41:29helped me bring

00:41:31all of that

00:41:32to life

00:41:33the music is a

00:41:34great accompaniment

00:41:35and there are a few

00:41:36moments when it's clear

00:41:37that it

00:41:37it brings a lot

00:41:39to the

00:41:40characters of the film

00:41:41and a lot to the

00:41:42performance of the film

00:41:43but it's not

00:41:44the purpose of the film

00:41:46no

00:41:47there was a real story

00:41:49that needed to be

00:41:49that I wanted to tell

00:41:51about being

00:41:52someone who believes

00:41:53in love

00:41:53a hopeless romantic man

00:41:54or woman

00:41:55I don't

00:41:55I didn't think

00:41:56that this was

00:41:56and we didn't even

00:41:57name the character

00:41:58in the movie

00:42:00because it was just

00:42:01I wanted it to be

00:42:02every person

00:42:03any person

00:42:04because all of us

00:42:06want love

00:42:06and all of us

00:42:07are out there

00:42:08searching for

00:42:09you know

00:42:10trying to find

00:42:11that connection

00:42:11in our own way

00:42:13with someone else

00:42:14and

00:42:15and

00:42:16what I wanted

00:42:17to say

00:42:17with the film

00:42:18which I think

00:42:18we accomplished

00:42:21is

00:42:22that you have to

00:42:23have that relationship

00:42:24with yourself first

00:42:25and

00:42:26and still have

00:42:27your head in the clouds

00:42:28a bit

00:42:29and still believe

00:42:30in magic

00:42:30like both of those

00:42:31things can exist

00:42:32at the same time

00:42:33do you think now

00:42:33you've gone through

00:42:34this process

00:42:35that greatest love story

00:42:36never told

00:42:37which to me

00:42:38is a really

00:42:39beautiful concept

00:42:40that

00:42:40it's always so close

00:42:43like it's just

00:42:43it's just there

00:42:44but you may never

00:42:45grab it

00:42:46it may never

00:42:46actually arrive

00:42:47but it's almost

00:42:49again

00:42:49you can almost

00:42:50apply that

00:42:51to your

00:42:51your own journey

00:42:53within yourself

00:42:53that is

00:42:54that is

00:42:54yeah

00:42:55it's a double entendre

00:42:56right

00:42:56it's

00:42:57the everybody

00:42:58thinks it's

00:42:58the greatest love story

00:42:59never told

00:43:00because

00:43:01you know

00:43:02Ben and I got together

00:43:03and nobody knows

00:43:04that story

00:43:05but that's not the story

00:43:06that I'm telling

00:43:06I was not

00:43:07people know the story

00:43:08of me and Ben

00:43:08that's not the story

00:43:09I wanted to tell here

00:43:10the story I wanted to tell

00:43:12was the real greatest

00:43:13love story

00:43:14never told

00:43:15which is

00:43:15the fact that we need to

00:43:17have that with ourselves

00:43:19first

00:43:20which is this

00:43:20actually

00:43:21Ben says it in the doc

00:43:22in a really interesting way

00:43:24that that's even

00:43:25the more difficult

00:43:26yeah

00:43:27love

00:43:28to find

00:43:29than Prince Charming

00:43:30he talked about it

00:43:30being deceptive

00:43:31yeah

00:43:31and so

00:43:33yes

00:43:33he talked about

00:43:34talked about it

00:43:35there's a

00:43:36there's a

00:43:36these things

00:43:37that are

00:43:37tucked away

00:43:38in real life

00:43:40that aren't

00:43:40like the dramas

00:43:41of life

00:43:41can be the deceptive

00:43:42things

00:43:42the little things

00:43:44that you're trying

00:43:45to

00:43:45that you

00:43:45ignore

00:43:46don't look at

00:43:47or

00:43:47yeah

00:43:48that kind of

00:43:49make us who we are

00:43:50and lead us to our

00:43:52you know

00:43:52kind of

00:43:53dysfunctional patterns

00:43:55sometimes

00:43:55right

00:43:56these things

00:43:56that live underneath

00:43:57that are not so obvious

00:43:59you know

00:43:59not like he said

00:44:00somebody being locked

00:44:01in a closet

00:44:02a kid who's locked

00:44:03in a closet

00:44:03you understand

00:44:04oh

00:44:04or a kid

00:44:05whose parents

00:44:06died really young

00:44:06you go

00:44:07oh yeah

00:44:07no I get that

00:44:08I understand that

00:44:09but when it's

00:44:10less

00:44:11you know

00:44:12kind of on the surface

00:44:13in that way

00:44:13or not as dramatic

00:44:15because we're all doing our best

00:44:16yes

00:44:16but there is

00:44:18neglect

00:44:19or there is

00:44:20a

00:44:20you know

00:44:21kind of

00:44:22feeling of loneliness

00:44:24that you have

00:44:25growing up

00:44:25because

00:44:26you're a middle child

00:44:27or because

00:44:28you know

00:44:28your dad

00:44:29wasn't around as much

00:44:30or your mom

00:44:31was working all day

00:44:33or any of those things

00:44:35yeah

00:44:35right

00:44:35those things

00:44:36are just

00:44:40our scars as well

00:44:41that we

00:44:42and they inform

00:44:43how we then

00:44:44learn to love

00:44:45because of how

00:44:46we were loved

00:44:47and then

00:44:48you have to kind of

00:44:49take the good parts

00:44:51of that

00:44:52and undo

00:44:52the parts

00:44:54that really hurt you

00:44:55and that really

00:44:56make you do things

00:44:57that you don't want

00:44:57to do in relationships

00:44:58or accept things

00:45:00that you don't want

00:45:01to accept

00:45:01in relationships

00:45:02because you're used

00:45:03to it

00:45:03you're used

00:45:04to being neglected

00:45:05you're used

00:45:05to being yelled at

00:45:07you're used

00:45:07to being mistreated

00:45:08well that's your identity

00:45:09to some degree

00:45:10in terms of how

00:45:11you relate

00:45:12to other people

00:45:12and also you know

00:45:13it's like this idea

00:45:14of striving

00:45:17for perfection

00:45:17but it's so unrealistic

00:45:19because the perfection

00:45:20you strive for

00:45:21was established

00:45:22when you were a child

00:45:23and you could never

00:45:24have lived up

00:45:25to that expectation

00:45:26so you just keep

00:45:27elevating yourself

00:45:28further and further

00:45:28trying to grab it

00:45:29and it's that beautiful

00:45:30moment when he says

00:45:31like you know

00:45:32you're enough

00:45:33yeah

00:45:33you're loved

00:45:34yeah

00:45:35yeah

00:45:36it's pretty amazing

00:45:37I know

00:45:38he's like

00:45:38you don't have to keep

00:45:39what are you chasing

00:45:40yeah

00:45:40and he's right

00:45:41and I still have to

00:45:42figure that out

00:45:43even that

00:45:43I don't think

00:45:44that this is a journey

00:45:45of me saying like

00:45:46I've gotten here

00:45:46I have it all figured out

00:45:47no

00:45:48fucking no

00:45:49that's not what I'm saying

00:45:50I have to say as well

00:45:50the idea of you coming in

00:45:51and going

00:45:51I've achieved all my artistic goals

00:45:53I'm zen with myself

00:45:55I'm now disappearing

00:45:56I'm fine

00:45:57I'm leaving

00:45:58I'm done

00:45:59my work is done here

00:46:00on this planet

00:46:00I didn't get that vibe

00:46:01from you

00:46:02no

00:46:02it is a constant evolving

00:46:05of like looking at things

00:46:07and looking at being a parent

00:46:09and looking at

00:46:10you know

00:46:11how you love

00:46:12and how you treat people

00:46:13and how you

00:46:14you know

00:46:14the type of person

00:46:15you want to be

00:46:16and becoming more

00:46:17and more comfortable

00:46:19that's what

00:46:20I want everybody to say

00:46:21this is me now

00:46:23this is me

00:46:24love me

00:46:26leave me

00:46:26whatever

00:46:27but I'm

00:46:28I'm good

00:46:29with this person

00:46:30because I know

00:46:31they're not perfect

00:46:31and I know

00:46:33that they're amazing

00:46:34and I know

00:46:35that I'm going to keep

00:46:36learning and growing

00:46:37and I'm going to be

00:46:38more surprised

00:46:39and kind of

00:46:40you know

00:46:41delighted

00:46:42with who I become

00:46:44as time goes on

00:46:46that's the goal

00:46:47you know

00:46:48to keep

00:46:48uncovering things

00:46:50like

00:46:50oh that part

00:46:51I never even thought

00:46:52about that part

00:46:53that part

00:46:53really

00:46:54me up

00:46:55shit

00:46:55I need to look at that

00:46:57I need to talk about that

00:46:58you know what it made me do

00:46:59it made me do this

00:47:00this and that

00:47:00and I don't

00:47:01I hate that about myself

00:47:02and I want to

00:47:03fix that

00:47:04or I want to

00:47:05not have that anymore

00:47:06and you know what

00:47:07it's okay

00:47:08that that existed

00:47:09I forgive myself

00:47:11that

00:47:11I was doing the best

00:47:13I can

00:47:13for what I knew

00:47:15at that moment

00:47:16what was the one thing

00:47:17if you can share it

00:47:19that

00:47:20you realized

00:47:23during that time

00:47:25that in leaving it behind

00:47:28you really were free

00:47:30of something

00:47:31that has subconsciously

00:47:32and then consciously

00:47:33been holding on to you

00:47:34like I've been

00:47:34I've had breakthroughs

00:47:36that have put me to sleep

00:47:37yeah

00:47:37you know

00:47:38moments I'm like

00:47:39like wow

00:47:41yeah

00:47:41I don't

00:47:42I'm never gonna think

00:47:43like that again

00:47:44I think

00:47:45I think it comes down to

00:47:46one that I'm

00:47:48kind of toying with now

00:47:49which is self-awareness

00:47:51which is a big one

00:47:52right

00:47:52huge

00:47:53there was

00:47:54there was times

00:47:54when I was like

00:47:55had to deal with the fact

00:47:56that

00:47:56I deserved

00:47:59me

00:48:00that I was

00:48:02deserved better

00:48:03I actually

00:48:05did deserve better

00:48:06and I didn't

00:48:07know I did

00:48:08and so I

00:48:10accepted less

00:48:11and I tried

00:48:14really hard

00:48:15and

00:48:16to make

00:48:17things work

00:48:18because of that

00:48:20things happened

00:48:22and scars

00:48:23were made

00:48:24that

00:48:25will be there forever

00:48:26and won't really

00:48:28ever go

00:48:28they'll heal

00:48:29they'll heal

00:48:30and they'll heal

00:48:31it will always

00:48:33be there

00:48:34it will always

00:48:34be a part

00:48:35of me

00:48:36my kids

00:48:37all of the

00:48:38things

00:48:38right

00:48:38like

00:48:39that

00:48:40those are

00:48:41things that

00:48:41those are

00:48:42things you need

00:48:42you live with

00:48:43you know

00:48:44that never

00:48:45go away

00:48:45but that you

00:48:46can come to

00:48:47terms with

00:48:47and forgive

00:48:48yourself for

00:48:49and be like

00:48:50again

00:48:50this is me

00:48:51this is who

00:48:52I am

00:48:52that's what

00:48:53part of my

00:48:53journey

00:48:54and you know

00:48:55what

00:48:55I'm okay

00:48:56I'm better

00:48:57now

00:48:57I'm better

00:48:58now

00:48:58I'm okay

00:48:59now

00:49:00I'm gonna

00:49:01keep getting

00:49:02better

00:49:02because I'm

00:49:02not gonna

00:49:03be complacent

00:49:04about that

00:49:05part of my

00:49:05life

00:49:05I want to

00:49:06keep getting

00:49:07better for

00:49:07my kids

00:49:08I want to

00:49:08keep getting

00:49:09better for

00:49:09my husband

00:49:10I want to

00:49:10keep getting

00:49:10better for

00:49:11me

00:49:11you know

00:49:12when I

00:49:12think about

00:49:13this album

00:49:14and I think

00:49:15that there's

00:49:15millions and

00:49:16millions of

00:49:17us who want

00:49:17to see you

00:49:18go out

00:49:18and really

00:49:19put the

00:49:20cherry on

00:49:21the cake

00:49:21here

00:49:21and take

00:49:22this to

00:49:22the stage

00:49:23yeah

00:49:23and tour

00:49:24it

00:49:24and play

00:49:25live

00:49:25and I know

00:49:26it's not as

00:49:26simple as

00:49:27when music

00:49:27had all

00:49:30your attention

00:49:31really

00:49:31when you're

00:49:31putting those

00:49:32first albums

00:49:32out

00:49:32it's like

00:49:33well I'm

00:49:33in this

00:49:33machine

00:49:34yeah

00:49:34and I'm

00:49:35still acting

00:49:35but this

00:49:35is what

00:49:36I'm doing

00:49:36I'm making

00:49:36albums

00:49:37I'm on

00:49:37TRL

00:49:38all the promo

00:49:41you don't have

00:49:43to do any

00:49:43of that

00:49:43now

00:49:44yeah

00:49:44but surely

00:49:46there must

00:49:46be a part

00:49:47of you

00:49:48that wants

00:49:48to go

00:49:49and take

00:49:49this

00:49:49oh no

00:49:50I

00:49:50there's

00:49:51there is

00:49:53such a

00:49:54desire

00:49:55for me

00:49:55to share

00:49:58this with

00:49:59everybody

00:49:59and share

00:50:00this

00:50:00you know

00:50:01music

00:50:01yes

00:50:02and this

00:50:02celebration

00:50:03and these

00:50:04good times

00:50:04that I know

00:50:05we're gonna

00:50:05have on stage

00:50:06you know

00:50:07what I mean

00:50:07like I know

00:50:07it I feel

00:50:08it I know

00:50:09it's gonna

00:50:09be incredibly

00:50:11massive

00:50:11movement

00:50:12of like

00:50:14love

00:50:15and

00:50:16kind of

00:50:18growth

00:50:19and goodness

00:50:20right

00:50:20like I feel

00:50:21like that's

00:50:21gonna happen

00:50:22and also

00:50:23to build

00:50:23a beautiful

00:50:24show

00:50:24you know

00:50:25that's

00:50:26always

00:50:27so much

00:50:28fun for me

00:50:28it's such

00:50:29a creative

00:50:29thing

00:50:30it was like

00:50:31building this

00:50:31movie

00:50:32which almost

00:50:32killed me

00:50:32but also

00:50:34you know

00:50:35at the end

00:50:35of the day

00:50:36made me feel

00:50:36really

00:50:37you know

00:50:38fulfilled

00:50:39as an artist

00:50:40and so

00:50:40I think

00:50:41it wouldn't

00:50:42be complete

00:50:42without me

00:50:43going

00:50:43on tour

00:50:44without me

00:50:45going around

00:50:47and sharing

00:50:48this every night

00:50:49because I'll craft

00:50:50another part

00:50:50of the message

00:50:51with that

00:50:52how has it been

00:50:53so far

00:50:53bringing these

00:50:54songs to live

00:50:55with us

00:50:55and playing

00:50:55them live

00:50:56oh my god

00:50:57well we did

00:50:57our Apple Music

00:50:58live

00:50:59and I didn't

00:51:00have a lot

00:51:01of time

00:51:01I had to do

00:51:02it in a short

00:51:02amount of time

00:51:03yeah but I was

00:51:03in the room

00:51:04when you played

00:51:04the album

00:51:04for the first

00:51:05time

00:51:05and I would

00:51:06have filmed

00:51:06that

00:51:06like just

00:51:07let me tell

00:51:08you about

00:51:09this one

00:51:09no that's

00:51:11true

00:51:11I wish

00:51:11we did

00:51:12film a couple

00:51:13of those

00:51:13maybe I'll

00:51:14put some

00:51:14of that stuff

00:51:15out

00:51:15those early

00:51:16listening

00:51:16sessions

00:51:17they were

00:51:17great

00:51:17but putting

00:51:20together

00:51:20this show

00:51:21on stage

00:51:22I know

00:51:23is going

00:51:23to be

00:51:24an epic

00:51:25undertaking

00:51:25for me

00:51:26but also

00:51:27I mean

00:51:28something

00:51:28that I will

00:51:29not be satisfied

00:51:30until people

00:51:32come there

00:51:32and they go

00:51:33that was the

00:51:33most beautiful

00:51:34experience

00:51:34I've ever

00:51:35had

00:51:35I'm moved

00:51:36I'm changed

00:51:37that's my goal

00:51:38and you can keep

00:51:39it so succinct

00:51:40in a way

00:51:41can't you

00:51:41between then

00:51:42and now

00:51:42can't you

00:51:43just tell

00:51:43that story

00:51:44I am gonna

00:51:44do the then

00:51:45and now

00:51:45I think

00:51:46it might

00:51:46even be

00:51:47called

00:51:47the then

00:51:47and now

00:51:47tour

00:51:48you heard

00:51:48it here

00:51:48first

00:51:49you know

00:51:49what I mean

00:51:50but because

00:51:53we have

00:51:54the movie

00:51:54and we have

00:51:56those musical

00:51:56numbers

00:51:56I'm so excited

00:51:58to bring

00:51:58those to stage

00:51:59and I did

00:51:59it a little

00:52:00bit

00:52:00in the Apple

00:52:01Music Live

00:52:02in a smaller

00:52:02venue

00:52:03but it was

00:52:04I'm excited

00:52:05to do it

00:52:06on a bigger

00:52:06scale

00:52:07were there

00:52:08some moments

00:52:08during the Apple

00:52:09Music Live

00:52:10when you were

00:52:10bringing some

00:52:10of these

00:52:10songs to life

00:52:11oh god

00:52:12and singing

00:52:12it live

00:52:13in front of

00:52:13people for the

00:52:14first time

00:52:14I think

00:52:16singing

00:52:17Broken Like Me

00:52:18that's where

00:52:18I was going

00:52:19was very

00:52:20man

00:52:21and also

00:52:22kudos to you

00:52:22for even

00:52:23attempting to

00:52:24sing that

00:52:24on your

00:52:24first proper

00:52:25show

00:52:25because it's

00:52:26such a

00:52:26central moment

00:52:27in your life

00:52:28let alone

00:52:28this album

00:52:29yeah

00:52:29well because

00:52:30it was

00:52:31finally

00:52:31admitting

00:52:32that

00:52:32finally

00:52:33admitting

00:52:34that

00:52:34and sharing

00:52:35that with

00:52:35everybody

00:52:35it's funny

00:52:36with the

00:52:37Apple Music

00:52:37Live

00:52:38like you

00:52:38can hear

00:52:38a pin

00:52:39drop

00:52:39as I'm

00:52:40like the

00:52:41audience

00:52:41was just

00:52:42what is

00:52:45she saying

00:52:45what is

00:52:46she talking

00:52:46about

00:52:47is she

00:52:49telling us

00:52:50that she's

00:52:51f***ed up

00:52:52like

00:52:52no this is

00:52:53the J-Lo

00:52:54we know

00:52:55is the J-Lo

00:52:55who's like

00:52:56superwoman

00:52:56who's like

00:52:57you know

00:52:58has it all

00:52:58together

00:52:59and we

00:52:59you know

00:53:00it works

00:53:00so hard

00:53:01and you know

00:53:02it's always

00:53:03pulled together

00:53:03and perfect

00:53:04and I think

00:53:06to

00:53:07I think

00:53:07that's what

00:53:08I said

00:53:08to Jane

00:53:09in the

00:53:10doc

00:53:11it was

00:53:11like

00:53:11she goes

00:53:13you know

00:53:13everybody

00:53:13thinks of

00:53:14you in

00:53:14this way

00:53:14and I

00:53:14go I

00:53:15know

00:53:15and I

00:53:15think

00:53:15that's

00:53:16why

00:53:16it's

00:53:16important

00:53:16to say

00:53:17that I've

00:53:17had a lot

00:53:19of hard

00:53:19times too

00:53:20and I've

00:53:20struggled

00:53:21too

00:53:21and I've

00:53:22made some

00:53:23stupid

00:53:23mistakes

00:53:24and you

00:53:25may know

00:53:25that or

00:53:26suspect it

00:53:26but I'm

00:53:27admitting it

00:53:27to you

00:53:28and I

00:53:29think that's

00:53:30important

00:53:30I think

00:53:31it's

00:53:31important

00:53:32for us

00:53:32to look

00:53:33at the

00:53:33people

00:53:34that we've

00:53:35looked up

00:53:35to

00:53:36and go

00:53:36I know

00:53:37that they

00:53:37had a hard

00:53:38time too

00:53:38they got

00:53:39through it

00:53:39okay so

00:53:40I can

00:53:40do it

00:53:40too

00:53:41you know

00:53:41they already

00:53:42kind of

00:53:43you know

00:53:43the relationship

00:53:45I have

00:53:45with my

00:53:46fans

00:53:46which is

00:53:46one of

00:53:47the most

00:53:48loving

00:53:48and

00:53:49god

00:53:50amazing

00:53:51relationships

00:53:52that I've

00:53:53had

00:53:53in my

00:53:54life

00:53:55I get

00:53:55goosebumps

00:53:56talking about

00:53:57it because

00:53:57I don't

00:53:58talk about

00:53:58it a lot

00:53:59but what

00:54:00I have

00:54:00with them

00:54:01is really

00:54:02what I

00:54:03what they

00:54:04tell me

00:54:05about what

00:54:06it is

00:54:07my music

00:54:07and my

00:54:08movies

00:54:08and doing

00:54:09what I

00:54:09do

00:54:09you know

00:54:10kind of

00:54:10means to

00:54:11them

00:54:11is so

00:54:12important

00:54:13and really

00:54:14what I

00:54:15get from

00:54:15them is

00:54:16that I

00:54:17know you

00:54:17did it

00:54:18so I

00:54:18can do

00:54:18it too

00:54:19you know

00:54:20what I

00:54:20you don't

00:54:20give up

00:54:21so I

00:54:21don't

00:54:21give up

00:54:22you know

00:54:22and I

00:54:23think it's

00:54:23important

00:54:24to any

00:54:24messages

00:54:25that I

00:54:25feel like

00:54:26I have

00:54:26I want

00:54:27to put

00:54:27it out

00:54:27there

00:54:28I want

00:54:28to go

00:54:28hey guys

00:54:29and don't

00:54:29forget

00:54:29about

00:54:29this

00:54:30and don't

00:54:31forget

00:54:31about

00:54:31love

00:54:31and don't

00:54:32don't

00:54:33remember

00:54:34don't give

00:54:35up on this

00:54:35part of you

00:54:35it's actually

00:54:36about you

00:54:37you know

00:54:37I was like

00:54:38that

00:54:39it's an

00:54:40obligation

00:54:41for me

00:54:42it's a

00:54:42drive

00:54:43for me

00:54:44to do

00:54:45that

00:54:45and I

00:54:45know that's

00:54:46hard to

00:54:46explain to

00:54:47people

00:54:47and I

00:54:47know that's

00:54:48what I was

00:54:48trying to

00:54:49put together

00:54:49in the

00:54:50documentary

00:54:50I was like

00:54:51this is

00:54:51I don't

00:54:52know

00:54:52why are you

00:54:53doing this

00:54:53I was like

00:54:54I don't

00:54:54know

00:54:54this is

00:54:54why I

00:54:55have to

00:54:55do this

00:54:55but it's

00:54:57them

00:54:57it really

00:54:58is

00:54:59it really

00:54:59is

00:55:00wanting to

00:55:01share that

00:55:02with them

00:55:02as one of

00:55:03your fans

00:55:04I can

00:55:05say that

00:55:05I think

00:55:06you went

00:55:06even further

00:55:06than that

00:55:07I think

00:55:07you deconstructed

00:55:09the work

00:55:10ethic

00:55:10and deconstructed

00:55:11the ambition

00:55:12and the

00:55:12drive

00:55:13and the

00:55:13talent

00:55:14and all

00:55:14the success

00:55:15and you

00:55:16showed it

00:55:17for what

00:55:17it really

00:55:17is

00:55:18which is

00:55:18a part

00:55:19of who

00:55:19you truly

00:55:19are

00:55:20what you

00:55:21were put

00:55:21on this

00:55:21earth

00:55:21to do

00:55:22but no

00:55:23longer

00:55:24at the

00:55:24expense

00:55:25of what's

00:55:25truly

00:55:25important

00:55:26and I

00:55:27think

00:55:27that to

00:55:27some

00:55:27degree

00:55:28we put

00:55:28so much

00:55:28pressure

00:55:29on the

00:55:29people

00:55:29we look

00:55:30up to

00:55:30and admire

00:55:31because

00:55:32they inspire

00:55:33us

00:55:33that we

00:55:34forget

00:55:34at what

00:55:35cost

00:55:36and we

00:55:36lose

00:55:37people

00:55:37we lose

00:55:38great

00:55:39people

00:55:39because

00:55:40they

00:55:40lose

00:55:41their way

00:55:42it's

00:55:44not an

00:55:46easy

00:55:46thing

00:55:47to do

00:55:48this

00:55:50but nobody

00:55:50wants to

00:55:50hear that

00:55:51so nobody

00:55:51talks about

00:55:52it

00:55:52and I'm

00:55:52okay

00:55:52with that

00:55:53I understand

00:55:54I don't

00:55:54know if

00:55:54I am

00:55:55I don't

00:55:55know if

00:55:56I am

00:55:56but that's

00:55:57why I like

00:55:58to share

00:55:58I'm not

00:55:59afraid

00:56:00in the

00:56:00people

00:56:00in the

00:56:01documentary

00:56:01my hair

00:56:03is like

00:56:03this

00:56:03and I

00:56:04look crazy

00:56:04and I'm

00:56:05sweating

00:56:05and I'm

00:56:06on the

00:56:06floor

00:56:07and I'm

00:56:07just

00:56:07eating

00:56:09I look

00:56:11nuts

00:56:11half the

00:56:12time

00:56:12but they're

00:56:12like

00:56:13why

00:56:13because

00:56:13that is

00:56:15true

00:56:15that is

00:56:15real

00:56:16that is

00:56:17who I

00:56:18am

00:56:18I

00:56:19yes

00:56:19I love

00:56:20getting

00:56:20dressed up

00:56:21and being

00:56:21put

00:56:21together

00:56:22and being

00:56:22the fashion

00:56:22I got

00:56:23everybody

00:56:23that's fun

00:56:24but that's

00:56:25not all

00:56:26who I

00:56:26am

00:56:26I'm

00:56:27all of

00:56:27these

00:56:28things

00:56:28and

00:56:29that's

00:56:30human

00:56:31and that's

00:56:32beautiful

00:56:33we could

00:56:34never have

00:56:34had this

00:56:35conversation

00:56:35let alone

00:56:36about this

00:56:3720 years

00:56:38ago

00:56:38no

00:56:38I think

00:56:39I actually

00:56:39thought about

00:56:40this

00:56:40the other

00:56:40day

00:56:41because I

00:56:41was talking

00:56:41to an

00:56:42amazing

00:56:42artist

00:56:42Danny

00:56:43Brown

00:56:43who's

00:56:43gone

00:56:43through

00:56:43a lot

00:56:44and cleaned

00:56:45himself

00:56:46and got

00:56:46sober

00:56:46and focused

00:56:47and I'm

00:56:48like this

00:56:49is happening

00:56:50more and more

00:56:50people are not

00:56:52only figuring out

00:56:53there's another

00:56:53approach to this

00:56:54but they want

00:56:55to talk about

00:56:56it and they

00:56:57want to tell

00:56:57their fans

00:56:58about it

00:56:59and I do

00:56:59think that we

00:57:00are one

00:57:00step at a

00:57:01time going

00:57:02through somewhat

00:57:03of an emotionally

00:57:04intelligent

00:57:05holistic

00:57:05revolution

00:57:06I mean it's

00:57:08important to

00:57:09share those

00:57:09things

00:57:09I think

00:57:10artists have

00:57:10always shared

00:57:11it through

00:57:12their work

00:57:13through their

00:57:14works right

00:57:15through music

00:57:16through painting

00:57:17through movies

00:57:18through acting

00:57:19they've shared

00:57:19it in that

00:57:20way

00:57:20but what it

00:57:22takes to do

00:57:23that you

00:57:24know

00:57:24the first

00:57:26movie I ever

00:57:26produced was a

00:57:27movie called

00:57:27Hector Laveau

00:57:28El Cantante

00:57:29which was about

00:57:30Hector Laveau

00:57:31who was an

00:57:32artist who I

00:57:32always looked at

00:57:33when I took

00:57:34on that project

00:57:35and Mark

00:57:36played the

00:57:36role in

00:57:37that and

00:57:37he's an

00:57:38amazing

00:57:38salsa singer

00:57:39and they

00:57:39started the

00:57:40whole salsa

00:57:40movement in

00:57:41the states

00:57:42and it was a

00:57:43great moment

00:57:44in kind of

00:57:44musical history

00:57:45for Latinos

00:57:46right but

00:57:47the thing about

00:57:49him that I

00:57:49found interesting

00:57:50and maybe

00:57:50because I was

00:57:51an artist

00:57:51myself is that

00:57:52he was almost

00:57:52a sacrificial

00:57:53lamb like

00:57:55his life was

00:57:56about putting

00:57:57this music

00:57:57out but it

00:57:59cost him so

00:58:00much and he

00:58:02wound up

00:58:02dying you

00:58:04know and

00:58:05was constantly

00:58:06on and off

00:58:07of drugs

00:58:08but it was

00:58:09an interesting

00:58:10portrait of

00:58:11an artist

00:58:11which is why

00:58:12I wanted to

00:58:12tell it but

00:58:13because the

00:58:13music impacted

00:58:14so many

00:58:15people and

00:58:17it was such

00:58:17a movement

00:58:18you know

00:58:19what kind of

00:58:20trade is that

00:58:20at the end of

00:58:21the day

00:58:21it is

00:58:22it is and

00:58:22that's why

00:58:23it's important

00:58:24I think

00:58:24at this point

00:58:27when we're a

00:58:27little bit

00:58:28further down

00:58:28the line

00:58:29than our

00:58:29parents were

00:58:30and we're

00:58:31into you

00:58:31know figuring

00:58:33ourselves out

00:58:34and looking at

00:58:34ourselves in a

00:58:35different way

00:58:36that we keep

00:58:37evolving in that

00:58:38way and we

00:58:39become unafraid to

00:58:40drop the curtain

00:58:41and go this is

00:58:42this is part of

00:58:43it too

00:58:44just so you

00:58:45know

00:58:45yeah

00:58:45this it

00:58:46costs it

00:58:47costs me

00:58:48it costs me

00:58:48time with my

00:58:49kids it costs

00:58:49me time with

00:58:50you know it

00:58:51costs me you

00:58:52know difficulties

00:58:53in relationships

00:58:54it costs me all

00:58:55these things to

00:58:56be able to do

00:58:57all the things

00:58:57that I do

00:58:58time getting

00:58:58to know

00:58:59yourself

00:59:00it costs

00:59:00me

00:59:01surely

00:59:02not only

00:59:03it costs

00:59:03me time

00:59:04it shook

00:59:05the foundation

00:59:06of who

00:59:08I thought I

00:59:09was when I

00:59:10was growing

00:59:10up and

00:59:11made me think

00:59:12all it led

00:59:13me down all

00:59:14different kinds

00:59:14of roads of

00:59:15thinking I

00:59:16was not

00:59:17enough less

00:59:17than but it

00:59:18reinforced all

00:59:19of the

00:59:20difficult things

00:59:22and what I

00:59:24felt were

00:59:24shameful things

00:59:25about myself

00:59:26right like

00:59:26because it

00:59:27can grind

00:59:28you right

00:59:29you're not

00:59:30good at this

00:59:30you're not

00:59:31good at that

00:59:31you don't

00:59:32shouldn't be

00:59:33doing this

00:59:33why are you

00:59:34doing this

00:59:34and that

00:59:35yeah

00:59:35who do you

00:59:36think you

00:59:36are you

00:59:37know oh

00:59:38you're spoiled

00:59:38oh you're

00:59:39this oh

00:59:39you're that

00:59:40and you're

00:59:40like am I

00:59:41these things

00:59:42I think I'm

00:59:42just working

00:59:43I think I

00:59:43just I

00:59:44think that's

00:59:44all I'm

00:59:45doing I

00:59:46think I'm

00:59:46just trying

00:59:47to do

00:59:47good here

00:59:47I'm trying

00:59:48to do my

00:59:50not suck

00:59:51that's all

00:59:52I'm trying

00:59:52to do and

00:59:53you guys keep

00:59:53telling me that

00:59:54I suck okay

00:59:55you know what I

00:59:56mean and so

00:59:56it shakes

00:59:58you and it

00:59:59fucks you

00:59:59up in a

01:00:01way but

01:00:02if you can

01:00:03hold on

01:00:04and you can

01:00:05hold on to

01:00:06that sense

01:00:07of yourself

01:00:08then you

01:00:09can you

01:00:10can really

01:00:11do some

01:00:13awesome

01:00:13beautiful things

01:00:15that you get

01:00:16to share

01:00:16and maybe it

01:00:17helps only

01:00:19one person

01:00:20maybe and

01:00:21maybe it's

01:00:22millions but

01:00:23either way

01:00:24it's worth

01:00:25it I

01:00:26will say

01:00:27that

01:00:27I love

01:00:28these

01:00:28conversations

01:00:29that we

01:00:29get to

01:00:29have

01:00:29I feel

01:00:30so proud

01:00:31that we've

01:00:31been able

01:00:32to bookend

01:00:33what was

01:00:34really I don't

01:00:36know whether to

01:00:37call it the

01:00:37beginning or the

01:00:38beginning of the

01:00:38end this is me

01:00:39then it sort of

01:00:40feels like it's a

01:00:41bit of both

01:00:41you know that

01:00:42album in many

01:00:43respects was the

01:00:44end of your

01:00:45career as JLo

01:00:46as a musical

01:00:47artist up

01:00:47until now

01:00:48but it also was

01:00:49the beginning of

01:00:50this journey

01:00:51that's allowed

01:00:51you to make

01:00:52this album

01:00:52and make it

01:00:53now

01:00:54right

01:00:55make it about

01:00:56you now

01:00:57yeah

01:00:57not trying to

01:00:58recapture what

01:00:58you had then

01:00:59or do a part

01:01:00two

01:01:00no

01:01:01I realize the

01:01:02only similarity

01:01:02in many respects

01:01:03is the inspiration

01:01:04and the title

01:01:05but everything

01:01:06else is

01:01:06a new story

01:01:08it's a real

01:01:09evolution

01:01:09and thank God

01:01:11like I would

01:01:12have hated to

01:01:12just like be in

01:01:13the same place

01:01:14that I was 20

01:01:14years ago

01:01:15or feel like I

01:01:16hadn't learned

01:01:17or grown

01:01:17anything

01:01:17it's like oh

01:01:17this is exactly

01:01:18the same thing

01:01:19but I feel

01:01:20like that's

01:01:21that evolution

01:01:22I don't think

01:01:24any of this

01:01:24was a coincidence

01:01:25I think that

01:01:27there was a

01:01:27destiny

01:01:27so you do

01:01:28believe in that

01:01:29I do

01:01:30I just

01:01:31right now

01:01:32when I think

01:01:32about this is

01:01:33me then

01:01:33and what it

01:01:34even the title

01:01:35of that album

01:01:36that album

01:01:36that was so

01:01:37random

01:01:38yeah

01:01:38and I did it

01:01:40you know

01:01:40and Ben

01:01:41helped me

01:01:42name that album

01:01:43yeah

01:01:43it really is

01:01:44a foreshadow

01:01:44and it was

01:01:45a foreshadow

01:01:46to what

01:01:47our lives

01:01:48would be

01:01:48and when we

01:01:49wound up

01:01:50back here

01:01:50which I

01:01:51honestly

01:01:52I would have

01:01:55bet my

01:01:55whole life

01:01:56that that

01:01:57wouldn't have

01:01:58ever happened

01:01:59and that we

01:02:01wound up here

01:02:02and that we

01:02:03make this is

01:02:05me now

01:02:05and it is

01:02:06infused

01:02:07with every

01:02:09piece of

01:02:10my life

01:02:10from then

01:02:12to now

01:02:12and even

01:02:13beyond

01:02:14from the

01:02:14beginning

01:02:15of my life

01:02:15I look

01:02:17at it

01:02:17and I

01:02:17go

01:02:18okay

01:02:18this was

01:02:18a big

01:02:19part

01:02:20of my

01:02:20artistic

01:02:21life's

01:02:21journey

01:02:22was to

01:02:22do this

01:02:23this was

01:02:24part of

01:02:25what I

01:02:25feel is

01:02:26my destiny

01:02:26as an

01:02:27artist

01:02:27to put

01:02:27out there

01:02:28and

01:02:29and I

01:02:30there was

01:02:31sometimes

01:02:32I think

01:02:32there was

01:02:32something

01:02:33driving me

01:02:33that I

01:02:34didn't

01:02:34understand

01:02:35that was

01:02:35driving me

01:02:36because I

01:02:37was meant

01:02:38to do

01:02:38this music

01:02:39this movie

01:02:39this doc

01:02:40this message

01:02:41this tour

01:02:42this thing

01:02:42this movement

01:02:44that is

01:02:45important

01:02:46I think

01:02:47for people

01:02:47to

01:02:47I think

01:02:49it has been

01:02:50the most

01:02:50important thing

01:02:51in my life

01:02:51so I just

01:02:53want to share

01:02:54that

01:02:54I don't know

01:02:55if it will be

01:02:55the most

01:02:55important thing

01:02:56in yours

01:02:56but for me

01:02:57it was

01:02:57and it is

01:02:58and I

01:03:00will keep

01:03:00kind of

01:03:01following

01:03:03that instinct

01:03:03as an artist

01:03:05because that's

01:03:06all I have

01:03:12you

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