The #1 Thing Your Husband CRAVES (But Won’t Tell You!) - Islamic Marriage Advice - video Dailymotion

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"Ladies, your husband is starving for THIS—and if you ignore it, his heart will slowly shut down."  💔 Sisters, be honest—do you:  Think cooking/cleaning = enough love? ❌  Assume his salary = his only duty? ❌  Forget the emotional need NO MAN admits? ❌

Transcript

00:00What is it that a man wants from his wife?

00:08What is the primary emotion that he wants from his wife?

00:11Well, the primary emotion,

00:14according to modern psychologists,

00:16I'll bring in the Qur'an and Sunnah later,

00:18the primary emotion that men want from their wives

00:21is that of respect.

00:23And by the way,

00:24I can bring in the Qur'an and Sunnah

00:25to demonstrate this reality.

00:27Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says,

00:29الرجال قوامون على النساء

00:32That men are قوام over women.

00:35And قوام means to be in charge of.

00:37This is the literal meaning of the Qur'an.

00:39قوام means the one who will take care of the other.

00:42قوام means the one who will be the one in charge.

00:45So what is the one in charge?

00:46The one who is shown respect.

00:47And we have that famous hadith,

00:49and no doubt this hadith is misused and abused.

00:52And we have to point this out as well.

00:53But it is the famous hadith

00:55that when once Mu'azi ibn Jabal came back from Syria,

00:59and he entered the masjid of the Prophet ﷺ

01:01and he fell down in sajda in front of the Prophet ﷺ.

01:04And the Prophet ﷺ said to him,

01:06Ya Mu'ad, what are you doing?

01:07Who told you to prostrate to me?

01:09Why are you doing this?

01:10So Mu'azi ibn Jabal said,

01:12I returned from Syria.

01:13I found the people prostrating

01:15to their rabbis and their elders out of respect.

01:18And I felt you deserve this respect

01:21more than those priests and those rabbis.

01:23What did our Prophet ﷺ say?

01:24It's a famous hadith.

01:25I should say it's an infamous hadith.

01:27All of you have heard of it.

01:28But I want to be clear here.

01:29It's not my job to apologize

01:32on behalf of what the Prophet ﷺ said.

01:34It's not my job to cover up his teachings.

01:36It is my job to teach those teachings

01:38whether a person likes them or not.

01:40What did the Prophet ﷺ say?

01:42Verily, Allah has forbidden

01:43any human to prostrate to another human.

01:47Hadith is in Bukhari and Muslim,

01:48Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi.

01:49It's clearly authentic.

01:50Verily, Allah has forbidden

01:52any human to prostrate to another human.

01:56But if he were to have allowed this,

01:58if a concession were to have been made,

02:01there is no concession.

02:02If a concession were to have been made,

02:05I would have told the wife

02:06to prostrate to her husband

02:08out of what the respect and duty she owes to him.

02:11Now what is this prostration?

02:13It is the prostration of respect.

02:15The prostration of respect.

02:17And what does this show?

02:18That the wife gives respect to the husband.

02:21And what will the husband give back?

02:23The husband will give back that love,

02:25that cherishing,

02:26that nurturing that the wife craves.

02:28So the question is,

02:30what does it mean for the wife

02:32to respect the husband?

02:33So what does it mean to show him respect?

02:35A few very specific points.

02:37Number one,

02:38respect his knowledge and his judgment.

02:41Wives, respect your husband's

02:43knowledge and judgment.

02:44When your husband makes a decision,

02:46don't double guess him.

02:47Don't doubt him.

02:49Don't try to make him feel

02:50he's not intelligent,

02:52he's not qualified to do what he's doing.

02:54In other words,

02:55don't treat him like a child.

02:57Classic example.

02:58Classic example happens all the time.

03:00Husband is driving

03:01and the wife thinks that

03:03this is the wrong way.

03:04The wife says,

03:04no you should exit here.

03:06You just missed the highway exit.

03:07This is where you're supposed to exit from.

03:08Right?

03:09What has just happened here?

03:10The husband becomes irritated.

03:11I know where I'm going.

03:12Don't worry.

03:13I know it's right ahead.

03:14Right?

03:14What's happened here?

03:16Well,

03:16the wife has doubted

03:18her husband's sense of power,

03:20sense of being in charge,

03:22sense of responsibility.

03:23And what happens here

03:25when a husband is challenged,

03:27he becomes,

03:28what's he gonna become

03:29when he's challenged?

03:30Argumentative.

03:31He becomes,

03:32immediately he'll retort back.

03:34What do you know?

03:34You did this,

03:34you did that.

03:35Now,

03:36if he turns out to be wrong

03:38and you were right,

03:39this leads me to point two.

03:40Suppose you were right,

03:41that was the exit.

03:43Well then,

03:43this leads me to point two.

03:44Let the husband

03:45make his mistakes

03:47and learn from his own mistakes.

03:50Because when he makes a mistake,

03:52he won't be able to get angry

03:53at anybody else.

03:54But when you make a mistake

03:56and you tell your husband

03:57to make that mistake,

03:58you're never gonna hear the end of it

03:59and you all know

04:00what I'm talking about.

04:01Let the husband make his mistake

04:03and let him learn from his mistake.

04:05And don't become his mother.

04:08Believe me,

04:08no man wants to marry

04:10a motherly figure.

04:12He has his mother,

04:13alhamdulillah for that.

04:14He doesn't want his wife

04:15to start lecturing him,

04:17to start daunting him.

04:18Like only his mother

04:19is allowed to daunt him.

04:21Right?

04:21Mothers have privileges,

04:22they don't extend

04:23to their daughter-in-laws.

04:24So,

04:25suppose he did take that wrong turn.

04:27Suppose he missed the exit.

04:28Guess what?

04:29He's never going to miss

04:30that exit ever again.

04:32He's learned from his mistake.

04:34And,

04:35the fact that

04:35you didn't put it in his mind,

04:37you didn't,

04:38you were just quiet.

04:38You let him do his decision.

04:40Khalas,

04:40no big deal.

04:41Next time it's not going to happen.

04:43The third point,

04:44about showing respect.

04:45Trust his capability

04:47in taking on the projects

04:49that he wants to take on.

04:50Don't be sarcastic

04:52or diminishing of

04:53any project he feels

04:55that he wants to do.

04:56So, for example,

04:57there's a leaky faucet

04:58and

04:59your husband comes in

05:00with the toolbars,

05:01the plumbing,

05:02the wrench and everything.

05:04And you're like,

05:04you're going to fix

05:06the leaky faucet?

05:07What have you just done?

05:09You've taken his ego

05:10and you didn't just

05:12take a pin and perk.

05:13You took a knife

05:14and you thrust it in his heart.

05:16Like,

05:16literally,

05:17the husband will say,

05:18if I can't even take care

05:19of a leaky faucet,

05:20you don't think

05:21I'm capable of this,

05:22what do you think

05:23I'm capable of?

05:23What you've done is,

05:25and I'm going to be

05:25very frank here,

05:26and I speak as a man.

05:27Man, I'm sorry,

05:28and I apologize

05:29for giving the secret away,

05:30but I have to

05:31for our own marriages.

05:32Men,

05:33I know this is going to come

05:34as a shock to you,

05:35sisters.

05:36Men have big egos.

05:38I know it's going to come

05:39as a shock to you.

05:40Their egos,

05:41mashallah,

05:42tabarakallah.

05:42So,

05:44if you do anything

05:45to diminish that ego,

05:47you have hurt male pride.

05:49You have hurt male pride.

05:51So,

05:52you let the man

05:53foster his ego.

05:54Let him,

05:54if you think he's self-deluded,

05:56let him be self-deluded.

05:58He'll love you back in return.

06:00And in the end of the day,

06:01that's what you want,

06:01don't it?

06:02Isn't it?

06:02Right?

06:02You want to be loved

06:03and cherished and admired,

06:05let him make a mistake.

06:06And I will tell you

06:07another thing,

06:08sisters,

06:08frankly,

06:09if your husband

06:10does take on a challenge,

06:11you will be surprised

06:12when nine times out of ten

06:14he'll actually finish it

06:15in a decent manner.

06:16This is the fact of the matter.

06:18When men make mistakes,

06:19they'll go back

06:19and do it again

06:20and do it again

06:21until they get it, right?

06:22Allah created us that way.

06:24Allah created us that way.

06:25For you to hover over him

06:26and always pinpoint him

06:28or find a fault

06:28or diminish his ego,

06:30honestly,

06:31this is very problematic.

06:33And frankly,

06:34it's humiliating and painful

06:36for the delicate male ego.

06:38The man feels

06:39he's the protector.

06:40If you will challenge him

06:42and say,

06:42how can you protect me

06:43from a leaky faucet?

06:44Then you have basically said,

06:45I don't trust your judgment.

06:47You have basically said,

06:48I don't feel you're qualified

06:49to take on protecting me

06:52and taking care of the household.

06:53The bottom line,

06:54let him take on his challenges.

06:56Suppose he wants to write a book,

06:57suppose he wants to do a project,

06:59let him do it.

07:00Let him find out his own way.

07:01Maybe he's not the best plumber.

07:03Fine.

07:04But when you diminish his ego,

07:06this will cause problems

07:07in his heart for you.

07:08He's not going to love you

07:09the way you want him to love you.

07:11You need to allow him

07:13the impression of

07:14being the nourisher,

07:16the provider,

07:16the qawwam.

07:18He's the one who will protect you.

07:19So you take refuge in him.

07:21You seek shelter in him.

07:23Yes, honey,

07:23you will fix the leaky faucet.

07:25And guess what?

07:26Inshallah,

07:26he will actually end up

07:27fixing the leaky faucet.

07:29Also,

07:30when you must bring up

07:31something negative,

07:32and sometimes you have to,

07:33I'm not saying you always be quiet

07:35and never point out

07:35a mistake or something.

07:36When you must bring up

07:37something negative,

07:39choose your wording

07:40and the tone of your voice

07:42with great caution.

07:43One of the main reasons

07:45that men complain

07:46about the nagging

07:48of their wives,

07:49always the wives are nagging,

07:50right?

07:51Is because they feel

07:52a woman's nagging

07:53is equivalent

07:54to disrespecting.

07:56A man feels

07:56that the wife

07:57who always reminds me,

07:58again back to the leaky faucet,

08:00right?

08:00Honey,

08:01you haven't fixed the faucet yet.

08:02Can you fix the faucet?

08:03It's been a week.

08:03It's been two weeks.

08:04When are you going to fix the faucet?

08:05When you keep on putting it this way,

08:07what's happening?

08:07The man will feel

08:08now a hatred

08:10to fix the faucet.

08:11She's bothering me so much,

08:12it's not going to bring about

08:14a positive change.

08:16Rather,

08:17you allow him the opportunity

08:18in a positive tone.

08:20So for example,

08:21now by the way,

08:22the reason why the man

08:23is not fixing the faucet

08:24is because he has

08:25other priorities.

08:27He has a deadline at work

08:28and he knows

08:29that deadline

08:29is more important

08:30than a leaky faucet.

08:31He has other issues,

08:32his own priorities,

08:33right?

08:33You don't have those priorities,

08:34he does.

08:35So,

08:36what you do is

08:37you remind him

08:38in a gentle manner.

08:39Honey,

08:39I know I've reminded you

08:40last week of the faucet.

08:41I know you have other things to do.

08:42Whenever you get a chance,

08:43inshallah,

08:44can you take care of that?

08:45It's just a tone.

08:47It's just a positive attitude

08:48rather than being negative.

08:50Not to be sarcastic,

08:52but rather

08:52to be somewhat positive.

08:54And if you must complain,

08:56never use the phrase

08:57you,

08:59rather use the phrase

09:00I.

09:01Let me give you an example.

09:03Your husband comes home late

09:04and he didn't call you.

09:05He didn't call you,

09:06he's late from work.

09:06Then you get angry at him.

09:08You never call me

09:08when you're late.

09:09You should always call me.

09:10What have you just done?

09:11Daunted him.

09:13Right?

09:14Mothers and fathers

09:15can say that

09:15to their children.

09:16Beta,

09:17you must call

09:17before you're late.

09:18Yes,

09:19that's fine.

09:19But for the wife

09:20to do this,

09:20honestly,

09:21it's not going to bring

09:22about the love.

09:23You know what?

09:23I will teach you that phrase

09:25when you say it,

09:25Wallahi,

09:26every time he's late,

09:27he will call you.

09:28What is that phrase?

09:29Honey,

09:29you didn't call me

09:30and you were late

09:31and I was worried for you.

09:36Instantaneously,

09:36I got worried.

09:38I didn't know

09:39where are you.

09:40I didn't know

09:41what to do.

09:41This instantaneously,

09:43you will give him

09:44such a big guilt trip,

09:46he'll go to the moon

09:46and come back for you.

09:47It's just a matter

09:48of phrasing it

09:49so that you make him

09:50feel like a man.

09:52You were supposed

09:52to take care of me

09:53and you didn't

09:54because you made me

09:55feel worried

09:55for your safety.

09:57It's all you did.

09:57Rather than treat him

09:59like a child,

10:00rebuke him,

10:01you become the wife.

10:03And you say,

10:03I got worried,

10:04you were late.

10:05I was waiting

10:05for your call.

10:06When you put it

10:07on yourself,

10:09and this applies

10:10to any situation

10:10by the way.

10:11Suppose the husband

10:12was a bit harsh

10:12in something that he said.

10:14Rather than saying,

10:15you always say that,

10:16you should say,

10:17I felt hurt

10:18when you use this phrase.

10:20Change it back on you.

10:21And when you say,

10:22I felt hurt,

10:23automatically the husband

10:24will feel,

10:25man I was too harsh,

10:26I shouldn't have done that.

10:27He will feel guilty

10:28and that's what you want

10:29your husband to feel

10:30when he's a bit harsh at you.

10:31You want him to feel guilty.

10:33When you rebuke him,

10:34he's not going to feel guilty.

10:35And you all know

10:36this from experience.

10:37Right?

10:37You want him to feel

10:38like a man,

10:39be a woman.

10:40And he'll feel like a man.

10:42Act as a woman,

10:42act in a feminine manner

10:43and he will come

10:45and be your savior

10:46and your knight

10:47in shining armor.

10:48But you have to be

10:49the damsel in distress

10:50to get that knight

10:51in shining armor.

10:52Until you're the damsel

10:54in distress,

10:54that knight in shining armor

10:55is never going to appear.

10:57The final point

10:57for the sisters,

10:58never,

10:59ever,

11:00in any circumstance,

11:02crack a joke

11:02about your husband's honor

11:04or capabilities

11:05in public.

11:06Never do this.

11:07It's always going to be

11:09very detrimental.

11:11The husband

11:11never wants to be

11:13made fun of

11:13by his wife.

11:14And that is not going

11:15to bring about

11:16anything positive

11:17in the husband.

11:18Sisters,

11:18let me ask you,

11:19would you like it

11:20if your husband teased

11:21the way you looked

11:22in public?

11:23If your husband

11:23talked about

11:24the few pounds

11:24you've gained

11:25over the summer

11:25or in Ramadan

11:26in public?

11:27How would you like it?

11:28Well,

11:28male egos

11:29are even more fragile

11:30as I said.

11:30So if you ridicule

11:31something they attempted,

11:33if you ridicule

11:33the project

11:34that they did

11:34in public,

11:35you are really

11:35hurting his ego.

11:37Rather,

11:37do the opposite.

11:38Praise him.

11:39Next time

11:39you're at your in-laws,

11:40you have his parents there,

11:41praise him.

11:42And praise him

11:43to the face

11:43of his parents

11:44and his relatives.

11:45MashaAllah,

11:45he takes such good care of me.

11:46MashaAllah,

11:47he's a loving person.

11:48Suppose you wash

11:49the dishes once last year.

11:50Just once.

11:51You say,

11:52MashaAllah,

11:52Tabarak Allah,

11:53he washed the dishes.

11:54Believe me,

11:54the next day

11:55he's gonna wash

11:55the dishes for you.

11:56It's a matter

11:57of positive encouragement.

11:59Positive encouragement.

12:00You be that damsel,

12:01he will become

12:02your prince

12:02and your knight

12:03in shining armor.

The #1 Thing Your Husband CRAVES (But Won’t Tell You!) - Islamic Marriage Advice

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