French Jaws

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a beach in France that is dealing with a sexually aggressive dolphin that has been wreaking havoc in the water.

Transcript

00:00Let me set the scene for you here if I can, I just got this, I got a lot to do here.

00:07So you're in France.

00:11Ha ha.

00:12Oui, oui.

00:13You are at the beach in France.

00:19A lot of hair.

00:21Okay.

00:22You're enjoying a lovely day.

00:23Sounds very nice.

00:24Yeah.

00:25Yeah.

00:25All right.

00:26I don't think I like it.

00:27Except for all the French.

00:29And the beach.

00:31And then, out of nowhere, a dolphin tries to rape you.

00:36Oh.

00:38People think dolphins are all fun and games.

00:40They are not.

00:42There's a dark side to dolphins, man.

00:44They are rapey.

00:45They will rape you.

00:46They're the rapiest of the sea creatures.

00:48Yep.

00:48They're the smartest and horniest.

00:52We're the only smarter and hornier people.

00:56They do drugs.

00:57They have orgies.

00:58They rape.

00:59They do.

01:00All of that.

01:01Dolphins.

01:01Dolphins do drugs.

01:03Mm-hmm.

01:03So anyway, a popular tourist beach in northwest France has actually been closed because a sexually

01:11frustrated dolphin won't stop rubbing up against swimmers.

01:14Man.

01:15That's not good.

01:16Uh, the beach in, uh, Lendevnik is a regular swimming space of Safar the dolphin who locals

01:23often see frolicking.

01:25But Safar has had some other things on his mind lately.

01:28Mm-hmm.

01:28He started rubbing up against swimmers.

01:29He started rubbing up against swimmers, kayaks, and boats.

01:33He's even made an effort to keep people in the water using his nose to push swimmers back

01:39from the shore so he can have his way with them.

01:42Yeah.

01:42Kill you and rape you.

01:44Mm-hmm.

01:44Yeah.

01:45Swimming and diving are now banned on the shoreline whenever the presence of the dolphin

01:50is confirmed.

01:51So it's kind of like the French Jaws.

01:53Yeah, except he's a horny dolphin.

01:55Like, it's a horny dolphin and, like, every time he shows up, someone, like, sees his

01:59fin.

02:00Yeah.

02:01They gave him a nickname.

02:03Safar.

02:03Safar?

02:04Yeah.

02:04Safar.

02:06I like that he's like,

02:06Ho-ho!

02:08It's Safar!

02:08It is Safar!

02:10What are you doing there?

02:11It's me!

02:12It's Safar!

02:14It's Safar!

02:14I can't help but notice you're all scantily clad, huh?

02:19Your orifices are right there!

02:21My speedo, he took it off!

02:23What's Safar in there, baby?

02:26Oh, no!

02:27Oh, no!

02:31Oh, man!

02:32Yep.

02:33Dolphin rape.

02:35French Jaws.

02:37French Jaws.

02:37Yeah.

02:38It's fine, you know.

02:39Yeah, it's fine.

02:40What are you doing there?

02:41Swimming, huh?

02:43Enjoying France, are you?

02:45Oh, oui, oui.

02:46How about a little of this from Safar?

02:49Oh, no!

02:51Uh-oh.

02:52Wee!

02:52Oh, don't tell anybody!

02:58If I don't tell anybody, and you don't tell anybody.

03:00You keep it the secret!

03:02It's Safar!

03:04It's a horny, rapid dolphin!

03:06Yeah!

03:09Several swimmers have been frightened.

03:11They frighten you?

03:12Safar even lifted a woman swimmer last Thursday with his nose into the air.

03:18Just like in the movies, huh?

03:21Look at me!

03:22Yeah, you're my dolphin!

03:25So much of fun, isn't he?

03:27Oh, your top came off.

03:29Look at that!

03:29I like that he's into titties.

03:35People are against this, though.

03:37They're preparing a petition to overturn this ban, saying the response is way too drastic.

03:43Really, they're blowing this out of proportion.

03:45How does the mayor decree a place is unsafe to swim when there's one dolphin just trying to have some fun?

03:50The mayor says he doesn't like me!

03:52You know, it's crazy.

03:53It's like the exact plot of Jaws, where like one dude was like, we can't let the people go in the water.

04:01They're gonna be attacked.

04:03Right.

04:03And like the mayor and everyone else is like, I'm sorry, but we're keeping the beaches open.

04:08And then Safar is gonna kill somebody any minute.

04:12Right, he's gonna drown them.

04:13He's gonna kill and rape somebody, yeah?

04:16Yikes.

04:17So far, I might have played a little too hard there.

04:20Yeah.

04:21But I am Safar, it's what I do.

04:23Yeah, I'm just different.

04:24They're friends of the sea.

04:27You know, I saw some kind of documentary that showed a dolphin place and they were, people would hand relief.

04:39Oh, yes.

04:39No, I saw that.

04:40We watched that on the show.

04:41They would hand relief so that the dolphin would settle down.

04:46Someone needs to hand relief, Safar.

04:49Wasn't there a lady that was in a relationship with one?

04:52There was.

04:53But this was like a legitimate place where it was like part of the, like the Dave got sent to California to go learn how to jerk a dolphin off.

05:01Oh, I didn't do that.

05:02So that, you know, they wouldn't be crazy in the tank.

05:07And they volunteer!

05:08Someone said, oh, he's going to turn me on.

05:12I love the human.

05:15Someone said his catchphrase.

05:16His catchphrase when someone gets away.

05:18So close, yet so far.

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