Soha Ali Khan On Motherhood

Brut India

Soha Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor Khan discuss the paparazzi attention has on their kids on Filmy Mirchi’s show What Women Want.

Transcript

00:00Going to play dates and all, he still feels, is like a woman's job.

00:02I don't know what it is about these particular children,

00:06or whether it's children suddenly in general, star children, celeb children,

00:09that people have taken an interest in.

00:10But it is, I'm sure, it's going to take away from their innocence.

00:16So how much credit of you being a good mother goes to Kunal?

00:21We come from very different backgrounds.

00:22The way that he was brought up and the way that I was brought up,

00:25are totally different.

00:26I was also brought up where my mother was working,

00:28where we did have a nanny, he didn't have a nanny.

00:31So he may not agree with a lot of things,

00:34but we've compromised on a lot of things.

00:37And he's given me the freedom, which I know,

00:39he has an opinion on things on,

00:40but he has allowed me to exercise it.

00:43Milk being one of them.

00:44Yeah, exactly.

00:45Yeah, soya milk or dairy, right?

00:47Yeah, and also lots of things in terms of a diet.

00:50In terms of the fact that, you know,

00:52also we don't need to change things up all the time.

00:54She doesn't need to constantly go to a hundred different things

00:56and be entertained.

00:57Absolutely.

00:58He'd say, we grew up, you know, in two rooms and we would be fine.

01:02We'd be like just, you know, playing on the floor.

01:04You don't have to give her different vegetables every day.

01:06You know, like whatever, like I want to do the best for her.

01:08There are times when he says, you know,

01:10I don't understand, like going to play dates and all,

01:12he still feels it's like a woman's job.

01:14He'd always ask me, you know, how many husbands were there?

01:16How many fathers were there?

01:18And sometimes they are, like even the play group

01:21that I take Inayah to and the preschool that she goes to,

01:24there are fathers who go there.

01:25But, you know, he'll also constantly not applaud Inayah.

01:28If she's doing something, I'm constantly like, wow, that's amazing.

01:30She's drawn a line. It's amazing.

01:32She stood up. It's amazing.

01:33And this child gets used to a lot of applause

01:35and a lot of, you know, attention.

01:37Sometimes Kunal will just ignore Inayah.

01:39And I'd be like, you know, she's looking for you.

01:41Give her attention.

01:42He says, I don't need to, you know.

01:43It's normal for a child to be around.

01:45She can't be the center of attention at all times.

01:47But I think even Saif is very much like that.

01:49So I think maybe, I don't know if that's a...

01:50So you're balancing it out.

01:51He kind of also...

01:52I know that she loves being on swings.

01:54And I said, you know, I want to get her a swing.

01:56And that's where he said, okay, look,

01:57like, I don't want her to have everything.

01:59Even if you can afford it.

02:00Of course.

02:01She should also look forward to going to Taimur's house

02:02because he has a swing.

02:03Exactly.

02:04It has to be something that she knows

02:06that she can't have all the time.

02:07I think that's very right.

02:08And, you know, a little perspective like that

02:09is also helpful for me.

02:10Kunal's attitude is very much like Saif's.

02:12Even though you both are brothers and sisters

02:15and have a similar background.

02:16But I think Saif, because he's had his fair share of, you know,

02:20actually working in the industry at such a young age

02:22and doing everything also on his own.

02:24Yeah.

02:24That I think even his attitude is a lot like that.

02:26I think so.

02:27He always constantly fires me and is like,

02:29what is the need to constantly entertain your child?

02:31Yeah.

02:32Why does it have to be that he has to go out every day?

02:34And he must learn how to entertain himself.

02:36And, you know, also be okay with one thing.

02:39Otherwise, they're constantly,

02:40then they'll require that stimulation.

02:42What is something that you learnt about parenting

02:44from your parents that now you're applying to Inaya?

02:49I think,

02:51I think when it comes to Abba,

02:54he never said,

02:56do it this way, do it that way.

02:58He was the kind of person who would just live his life

03:00and believe that you should absorb,

03:02you should see and imbibe instead of saying.

03:07Like there's more value in actions.

03:08Actions speak louder than words.

03:10So I don't remember him ever saying,

03:12you know, I want you to do this.

03:13I feel you should do this.

03:14If he said that you should not raise your voice,

03:17he wouldn't say that.

03:18I just never in my whole life ever heard him raise his voice.

03:21And I understood that it's not cool to raise your voice.

03:24Because he didn't.

03:25Yeah, because he didn't.

03:26From Amma, I think it was, again,

03:28the fact that it's okay to be a working parent

03:32and to be a working mother.

03:34And from a young age, of course,

03:36she worked a lot more with Bhai.

03:37She worked a lot more with my elder sister, Saba.

03:40With me, she was more involved, perhaps, in my upbringing.

03:42But still, she did Mississippi Masala.

03:44She went away for two months, you know,

03:46and I remember missing her terribly

03:47and I used to write letters to her every day.

03:49But sometimes she missed a birthday also of mine.

03:51And she said, it's okay, I know it's your birthday,

03:53but we'll celebrate it when I'm there.

03:55Yeah.

03:55And it's just a day at the end of the day.

03:56And you understand that that's something

03:58that's important to her.

03:59And I never held it against her.

04:01We have a really close relationship.

04:03Now Inaya and Taimur are growing up in the digital age.

04:06Yeah.

04:06In the age where they're being hounded by the paparazzi.

04:09Yeah.

04:10So I know that as a parent, I'm extremely worried.

04:14What is your take on Inaya being photographed?

04:17Firstly, I completely, I think Taimur is perhaps,

04:20it's a more extreme case than Inaya.

04:21I know that he's often followed to, you know,

04:24wherever he goes, wherever he goes, actually.

04:26And with Inaya, it's a little less so.

04:28But it's still worrying.

04:30Yeah, it's still there.

04:31It's still worrying.

04:32I don't know what it is about these particular children

04:35or whether it's children suddenly in general,

04:37star children, celeb children,

04:39that, you know, people have taken an interest in.

04:40But it is, I'm sure,

04:42it's going to take away from their innocence.

04:44And I remember a huge part of my childhood

04:46being private, things that I did that nobody knew about.

04:49And I think you're entitled to that.

04:51Every child wants, I think,

04:53especially in high school and school and when they're young,

04:55they don't want to stand out.

04:56They don't want to be different.

04:57Yeah.

04:57They want to belong.

04:59And it can be tough growing up.

05:01You want acceptance.

05:02You want friends.

05:03And if people think you're different,

05:04they tend to keep you at an arm's length.

05:06At an arm's length.

05:06So that is extremely terrifying.

05:09Masti, what would you like to say to those people

05:11who shame us all celeb moms?

05:15People do feel a certain way and you can't block that out.

05:18I'm not saying that you have to engage with it,

05:20but you have to be aware that things exist.

05:22In terms of shaming and trolling,

05:24sometimes it's just people looking for attention.

05:26Yeah.

05:27And some things need to be ignored.

05:30Some things need to be engaged with.

05:32And often I've seen people be converted.

05:34Sometimes you can actually have a rational discussion

05:36with someone if they're open to changing their points of views.

05:39And you cannot please everyone.

05:40So just please yourself.

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