Partner left. How to deal with the void? || Acharya Prashant, at DTU (2023)

Acharya Prashant

#AcharyaPrashant #आचार्यप्रशांत #Philosophy #BhagavadGita #vedanta  #heartbreak #void #loneliness  ➖➖➖  Video Information: 23.12.22, DTU, Delhi  Context: ~ What is the right way to deal with the void? ~ How to not be hurt? ~ What to do when loved ones leave? ~ How to overcome a heartbreak? ~ How to move on in life? ~ How to not be lonely? ~ What is the right thing to do?  ~ Why do we get attracted to the same person?  ~ What happened to your high school sweetheart?  ~ How to not be attached?  Music Credits: Milind Date

Transcript

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01:02Applause

01:07Pranam Acharya ji.

01:09I want to ask you a question that I am feeling a void within myself from last four years.

01:15Can say that a void created within me because of a person whom I love.

01:22But in the beginning as it created a time period of four years.

01:26So in the beginning I have tried the traditional method to fill that void.

01:31But I have failed miraculously.

01:34But I came to know about you in 2021.

01:37So as I started listening to you, I have thinking that I have to choose a right path.

01:44I have to choose a higher goal to be engaged with and to fill that void that is inside me.

01:51So for that I have developed so many things within me.

01:56Like I have started writing poems.

01:59I have been playing cricket and so many other things.

02:02I am pursuing my graduation from DU and also preparing for UPSC.

02:06I have no such time left for me to think about me what I am actually doing with my life.

02:13But at the very moment when I finish or accomplish the thing or the goal that I have accomplished right now.

02:22I am left with the same void.

02:24The void is always the same of always the same person that never changes.

02:30So I want to ask you that what is the right way to deal with that void?

02:39And what is the right way to cope myself with that void?

02:43Or I have to live with that void?

02:45Because I have searched for that question with so many people.

02:49Like from last six months that void is now converting into the suffering and pain.

02:55In the form of tears that set from my eyes.

03:00So for that I don't want to be in that phase.

03:03I really don't want to be in that phase.

03:05I want the way to deal with that.

03:08That how can I get something better and something right to do with myself.

03:13To be out of that.

03:19That doesn't occur.

03:20She denied at the very first moment.

03:24Then I have never asked her.

03:26We are rare in contacts.

03:29At the moment within months or from two or three months we talk to her in the chats.

03:36And nothing else.

03:37We met for the last time when our board exams were over.

03:41It was past three years.

03:45And I have not seen her from that time.

03:49It's for this person that you have this craving.

03:51Yeah, same for the same person.

03:54See, you don't get attracted to just everybody.

04:01Some practical facts first.

04:06You get attracted to someone.

04:11Who is almost at the same level of consciousness as you are.

04:21We all have a particular mental range.

04:26The one you feel attracted towards has to lie within that range.

04:33If that fellow is far below your station, you will not feel attracted.

04:39If that fellow is far above your station, you will again not feel attracted.

04:46Do you see this?

04:51You might, for example, just desire a Hollywood actress or Miss Universe or somebody.

05:11But you would not even think of having that person as your life partner, your wife, as your love affair.

05:21Why? Because that person, in your own estimate, is far above your range of partnership.

05:29Do you see this?

05:32Do you see when you are envious, you are usually envious of those who lie within your range.

05:41If someone is far superior to you, you don't even feel envious.

05:46Do you see this?

05:49So, there is a particular person and the person has probably offered you rejection or has not been warm enough.

06:00What do you do?

06:03Raise yourself.

06:05As long as that person is within your range of acceptability,

06:11you will keep cultivating the hope that one day you will have that person for yourself.

06:19You will not be able to get rid of that hope.

06:22The purpose of life is elevation of consciousness.

06:26The person that you are within has to improve and has to improve so much

06:33that the person you today pine for simply drops below your range.

06:44You start saying, you know, I just don't feel any attraction.

06:50And this that I am saying is not at all disrespectful towards the other person.

06:58Because I am not talking of pulling the other one down.

07:03I am talking of raising yourself up.

07:07And if the other person is her own well-wisher, I would advise her as well.

07:13You raise yourself up, fine.

07:15But because that person has not come to me to seek advice, so I only have you to speak to.

07:20And to you I say, raise your game.

07:23Raise your game and exceed the one you were desirous of.

07:31Please understand this.

07:35The ones you like at one level of maturity in life

07:42are just not the ones you will like at another level of maturity in life.

07:48And that's an auspicious sign.

07:53That simply means that you are outgrowing the world.

07:58At age 18, you were prepared to die for someone.

08:05I'll lay down my life for you, darling.

08:09If at age 28, if that person is still your dream master,

08:18then probably there is a problem.

08:20Or there is a great coincidence that the person has grown at an equal speed.

08:27Ideally, you should be outgrowing your likes and desires

08:34at a very rapid rate.

08:39Do you still like the toys you

08:45at age 3?

08:47When you were 3, you had a favorite toy. Do you remember it?

08:52But sir, you are dehumanizing my love.

08:55You are reducing her to a toy.

08:57Sir, let's talk facts.

09:01At your age, when you get attracted to a girl,

09:05obviously the two of you are toys to each other. Are you not?

09:09Or is it consciousness getting attracted to consciousness?

09:12No, it's just body and body.

09:14And you will toy with each other's body the moment you get a chance.

09:19What happens to the toys?

09:22That were your favorites at age 3.

09:25You outgrow them when you are 6.

09:28Then you outgrow the 6-year toys at 10 and then 15 and then 20.

09:34And you move on. That progression is the essence of life.

09:37Come on, rise, move on.

09:40How can you still be attracted to the toys?

09:44You are attracted towards that same person.

09:48How?

09:53Is it sounding too brutal in human?

09:57Death knell of relationships?

10:02The woes to accompany each other for 7 births?

10:07That can happen only if both of you are totally stagnant.

10:12Is it not?

10:15Huh?

10:19Take this at least as a fresh perspective.

10:21I am not asking you to accept it.

10:24People grow differently.

10:29The one who appears attractive to you today,

10:33why do you take it as a mandate to be with him even 10 years later?

10:40That person can outgrow you or you can outgrow that person

10:44or the two of you can grow in different directions.

10:50What is the need to be so sticky to each other?

10:55Or are you welded?

10:58You know, even if you weld two different metals together,

11:04what happens when they are heated?

11:07And their coefficient of expansions are different.

11:10What happens?

11:13Because they are different.

11:17And they will behave differently and move differently.

11:22But our culture, you know, we are told,

11:25once you have fallen in love with someone at the ripe old age of 8 years,

11:32you should continue with her for the next 7 births.

11:36Leave her alone.

11:38She has a life to live.

11:43Huh?

11:44Growing out of your partner might be a sign of maturity.

11:52And it also might be a sign of compassion.

11:55Think of it.

11:58Often in the name of love,

12:00we just impose ourselves on someone

12:04who was unfortunate enough to once say yes to us.

12:105 years back, she said yes.

12:14So even today, I am at her throat and the rest of her body.

12:19You remember that day you said yes?

12:23Yes?

12:25So you have to live by your yes.

12:28She was internally drunk.

12:31Forgive her.

12:34Just issue a general pardon and let her go.

12:38But you'll say, no, but, bewafa?

12:42You said yes.

12:45And in most cases, there is no yes at all.

12:48Even the yes is not there and yet the allegation is there.

12:54Disloyal.

12:57What is loyalty?

12:58What do you mean by loyalty?

13:01What do you mean by continuation in time?

13:06If you really have love for someone,

13:12you make the sky available to them.

13:14You let them fly free.

13:16Is that not an expression of love?

13:18Or is clinginess an expression of love?

13:20I will stick to you.

13:23And if I cannot stick to you physically,

13:25then I'll stick to you in my memories.

13:27That's what all defeated lovers do, right?

13:31I cannot touch you physically,

13:34so I'll touch you in my...

13:37And those are the memories we cherish, don't we?

13:40You know, you remember...

13:46That's also the stuff of most of our songs.

13:49I fully appreciate.

13:50I'm not being heartless.

13:52I fully appreciate how difficult it is to get rid of all that.

13:57But I also know the consequences of sticking

14:02to something other than the truth.

14:05If you have to stick,

14:08stick to greatness,

14:10stick to truth,

14:12stick to a wonderful purpose,

14:14don't stick to the truth.

14:16Stick to a wonderful purpose.

14:18Don't stick to a mere girl.

14:20Set her free.

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