Dealing with toxic partners || Acharya Prashant (2022)

Acharya Prashant

Video Information: 09.09.2022, Vedant Mahotsav, IISc Bangalore  Context: ~ How to come out of a toxic relationship? ~ What to do if my spouse beats me? ~ How to tackle violence in a relationship? ~ Why are people afraid to move on? ~ Why do we get into abusive marriages? ~ Who are our mentors today? ~ What is the impact of movies you watch?  Music Credits: Milind Date

Transcript

00:00We are forcefully made to believe that the purpose of life is to chase a man or a woman

00:16and the highest possible ideal is to spend time or life with some nice and right person.

00:28That is what you also call as settling down.

00:33Now that ideal is ingrained in our minds from a very very early age and it refuses to leave

00:41us even after we turn 80 or 90.

00:48What is life for?

00:50Life is not for a noble cause, life is not for liberation, life is not for knowledge,

00:59life is not for exploration.

01:03Life is so that you can have somebody's hand in your hand.

01:11Life is for romance, right?

01:19Life is when you have that right and perfect person with you, next to you, that's when

01:29life is right.

01:30It becomes impossible for us to even imagine a life that is not welded to somebody else's.

01:44What else is welding?

01:53That's why so much fire is there.

02:05It sounds scary if you imagine, if I tell you, you have to spend your life without being

02:14hitched to some person of the other gender.

02:19Most of us will start feeling scared.

02:25I can understand the situation of those who are already welded but even those who are

02:32fortunate enough to not yet have been welded, even they will start feeling scared.

02:44Oh my God, what a scary vision, all alone, what will happen to me?

02:53Where did this feeling come from?

02:57Definitely this feeling is not coming from the body.

03:02Definitely this feeling is not prakritic or genetic.

03:08Because this kind of feeling is not found in animals.

03:15Animals do form pairs but only for a while and then they go their own way till the next

03:25mating season, they are away.

03:34This kind of a welded relationship, this concept does not exist in prakriti.

03:41So surely it is coming from the society, not biology.

03:47And from where in society is it coming?

03:50It is coming from our avenues of entertainment.

04:00Songs, you go to YouTube, which is the most watched YouTube channel across the world.

04:12And what do you watch there?

04:14Songs.

04:15And what are those songs necessarily about?

04:20Man and woman, man and woman, man and woman, man and woman.

04:26The entire world is watching that.

04:30That particular channel is in Hindi.

04:33But even otherwise, east or west, that's what we are constantly crooning, where is my man,

04:41where is my woman, where is my man, where is my woman.

04:50So that's the reason why the day you turn 12, you actually start looking for a partner.

04:59I have heard kids of age 6 and 8 have boyfriends and girlfriends these days.

05:08That's because this mass culture through media is now reaching them even earlier.

05:16They all have mobile phones.

05:19So even they are thinking that the highest thing possible in life is a boyfriend or girlfriend.

05:28And if you have that, then you have arrived.

05:32You have succeeded.

05:38With that kind of ideal, how will you ever have the courage to walk alone?

05:49And when I say walk alone, that does not mean that you cannot be in a relationship.

05:56When I say walk alone, that means being free of the compulsion to be in a relationship.

06:04These are two very different things.

06:06You can be in a relationship out of your freedom.

06:10It is an expression of your freedom that you are in a relationship.

06:14That is possible, right?

06:15Since I am free, hence out of my choice I am in a relationship.

06:20But that's not the case very often.

06:25Most of us are in relationships not because of freedom but because of compulsion.

06:34And that's the reason why we have so many husband-wife jokes.

06:39Otherwise how can there be something to joke about in that?

06:43You don't have mother-son jokes.

06:45You don't have brother-sister jokes.

06:47Why do you have so many husband-wife jokes?

06:51Just to mitigate the suffering a little.

06:56Just to be able to laugh at your own sorry situation a little.

07:02Isn't the mother-son bond an important one?

07:10Why don't you have mother-son jokes then?

07:13Why only husband-wife jokes?

07:17Because without joking it will be even more difficult to tolerate.

07:36This institution has ruined so many people and continues to do that on a daily basis,

07:43especially women.

07:45Here we have a man stating his predicament and suffering.

07:54But this institution has been equally if not more harsh upon women.

08:04Because they are even more scared to step out.

08:10How is it possible for a simple, normal, average, powerless lady like me to survive all alone

08:26in this big, bad, bullying world?

08:32So she will tolerate all kinds of nonsense and abuse and violence, but will stay put.

08:40And she will say, you know, I am doing it for the integrity of the family and welfare of the kids.

08:54Same goes for men, because now women are as nastily empowered as men used to be.

09:05So they are as nastily exploitative as well.

09:18Finally get into your own mind and ask yourself, who has taught you to put up with daily abuse

09:27and humiliation?

09:32Who declared that to be your destiny?

09:39Who is that script writer?

09:46Who is this decree that cannot be reversed?

10:01Why must you act as if you are helpless and powerless?

10:08Why must you behave as if there is no choice?

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