A couple’s quest to save a relationship

Gulf News

Dubai couple separated for years tell how they fought to keep their marriage alive.   Read full story here: https://bit.ly/2J73Q8y

Transcript

00:00We are married for 17 years now. I was 24 when we got married. I was 19 years old when I got married.

00:07So after our marriage from Mumbai we moved to London and we stayed there for seven years.

00:15During those seven years we were quite busy and occupied with our work and my husband being

00:21setting up his business. There was a point in our married life when we didn't have enough time

00:31to communicate with each other. So that's where I think the problem started which not many of us can

00:39realize when it starts but it can become deeper and bigger if we don't take care at the right

00:45time. It was a time near 2007 when the emotional separation started and I moved to Mumbai back

00:57from London in 2008 and until 2011 we were not together. Separation may not be legal or on paper

01:12all the time but what I feel for me and my experience is separation is when you are emotionally

01:21separated and psychologically not together with each other as a partner. When both of us were

01:27working in London it was pretty tight schedule. I used to come back at 11, 11.30 and she used to

01:34start at six in the morning. Kept going on for probably three, four years. That's when we realized

01:41we do not have time for each other. Only Sundays we used to meet on Saturdays at times. That's when

01:48we realized that our life is very busy. We should think of other options and we decided, she decided

01:54to come to India and I was shuttling between London and Dubai and it was almost three years

01:59were very difficult for us to manage at that time. Even after staying in the same house in the same

02:04city there were days that like for for an entire week we were out of touch of each other. No phone

02:11calls and no seeing each other, no sitting down together, no not having any meals together, not

02:18going out. It's all because you know when we start to giving more importance to the outer world, to

02:25our work areas, to all the other responsibilities but forgetting ourselves and our relationship. It

02:32all starts with ignoring each other that okay it's only a day we haven't communicated then it

02:38goes on like that you know to many days, to weeks, to months and then it becomes a

02:46regular routine for you that even if you have not spoken to each other in the entire day it's fine.

02:53Even if you have not sit together for 10 minutes and you're not spending time together it's fine

02:58but I think communication is the key. If communication is missing you cannot you know

03:06exchange the feeling, the positiveness, the the essence of your relationship with each other and

03:13once that starts dying it takes a lot of effort and time to get back onto that. So don't let that

03:20gap to create among yourself. It's very important whatever little time you get

03:27you must communicate, you must make I wouldn't say a routine but you must give your best try

03:35to stay together in touch at least in communication because that's the most important for any human

03:42being. That's the main essence of any relationship. When you are preoccupied a lot with your work

03:49you think that okay if we don't communicate today it's fine but we realized in two years time it's

03:57not fine and to get back to our normal communication it took another two and a half to three years

04:03like we had to take some relocation decisions and then we have to start the thing all over again.

04:10When she was in India then again she came to Dubai, from London, Dubai, India, London it was

04:15very difficult period for us. This is very important you know once that gap starts to create

04:21and then slowly you start to drift away from each other you are not everyone plans to do it

04:28intentionally or not many couple would like to go as in legal form straight away. They try to give

04:36some time but you know it is a very tricky situation because what happens the external

04:41forces try to get in between your relationship. So you know it's very important that you need to

04:50take a stand even if you realize a little later that this is the gap has already been created

04:58you are separated you know emotionally psychologically but don't let those external

05:05forces to work in between your relationship because once that happens then it's very difficult

05:11to get back onto the relationship. So I think between me and my husband the the positive point

05:17was that we never let that external force to come and ruin our relationship for good and we took a

05:23stand in time you know within time we realized that okay now it's enough is enough and we need

05:29to come back together otherwise it is going to be too late and I think it's only the small little

05:35things because even if you take even if you get if you decide to get separated for good you'll

05:41have to go back to somebody else and you have to restart your life but so why not to give that

05:47importance and privilege to the person you actually started first you have grown together

05:53you know you have spent so much of time together being into a bonding so just let's grow in that

06:00positively so that's how you know mutually I think and more with the patience. Patience is

06:08very important in any kind of a relationship so it is important between couples as well so with

06:14patience and with mutual consent with with started communicating with each other with appreciating

06:23each other with you know small little things you don't have to do wonders to get that appreciation

06:30because I think a small little effort you know towards oh wow you have cooked it cooked a

06:36delicious dinner for me or you're looking very smart or you're looking very nice or the way you

06:42have handled the house or how well you're doing at your work you know these little appreciation

06:48brings that love back into your life brings that connection back you know into the couple

06:55relationship don't you think yes and indeed our case was a little more different we got married

07:01at very young age so you can say at 19 and 24 so we matured together in our young age so that

07:09helped us as well to understand each other and to take it forward from there please please don't

07:17take each other for granted because I think that's the first and the biggest mistake any

07:24couple does in their relationship when they feel that okay he is there for me anyway and she's there

07:32at the home and she'll be there she's not going anywhere no as a human we need that appreciation

07:39for each other we need that emotion for each other we need to be communicative all the time

07:46we need to show each other that how important that person is in the relationship every relation

07:53has a psychological feel and connect to it so and couples relationship is very sensitive although

08:02you know the the institution of marriage is something that once you are married you're

08:07together but that's a old school thing I think even in olden days when a woman must be going

08:14through a depression or a man felt something awkward about their relationship may not be that

08:20communicative but in today's time there are so many mediums there are so many ways you know

08:26there are so many different ideas to show each other that how important that person

08:33is in that relationship and how you know their being in the relationship brings strength to

08:40each other so that must be there whatever little or more time you get you know it's saying is

08:48in words is very easy that you must do this you must do that but what we have experienced in

08:54ourselves even today you know we get back sometimes to the same thing that there are a couple of days

09:00we haven't spoken but then immediately that factor comes in mind no no no we must spend time together

09:06because it's very important for the essence of your relationship as a couple let's not keep a

09:13communication gap and keep on communicating every problem every situation can be tackled

09:20with communication

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