Alamin ang kahalagahan ng pagiging emotionally ready at timing sa pagbuo ng isang seryosong relasyon

PTVPhilippines

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Transcript

00:00We have an interesting metaphor to understand the importance of being emotionally ready and timing in building a serious relationship.

00:09And to understand and understand the taxicab metaphor, or what they call taxicab theory,

00:16we will be joined by Zoom by psychologist and content creator, Rian Portuguese.

00:22Good morning and welcome Rian here in Rise and Shine Philippines.

00:26Hi Rian, welcome back to us.

00:28Thank you everyone, hello.

00:30At your millennial site on TikTok, welcome back to RSP, Rian.

00:34Alright, to understand more, what is this taxicab metaphor?

00:39What does this theory mean, Rian?

00:44For those who are listening, this is clearly a metaphor, it's not scientific.

00:50It came from a popular series, Sex and the City,

00:53where men are asked, just like in a taxi, when they are available,

01:00you will know when their lights are turned on or off.

01:04So it has something to do with whether they are committed to being available,

01:09or if this is the time for them.

01:11So we can see that in popular social media.

01:15Based on the metaphor, a taxicab has lights.

01:20When will you know if a person is available and ready for a serious relationship?

01:29Thank you so much for the question.

01:31What I will share is not necessarily connected to the taxicab theory.

01:36Because there are things that are said there,

01:39that if a person is available, just like in a taxi,

01:45you will know when their lights are turned on or off.

01:51So if a person is willing to help them, they will be welcomed.

01:56It's like that in the taxicab theory.

01:58But in general, in a healthy relationship,

02:01we can say that a person is available when he is ready to commit.

02:05When we say commitment, it's inclusive that he has time and he is available.

02:12And when we say that he is available or ready to commit,

02:16it also means that there is a risk that he might get hurt.

02:20But because he is ready to commit,

02:23he has more hope or a positive outlook on what will happen in the relationship.

02:28So he will take a risk for that person, for the possibility that they will be together.

02:34So when you are ready to get hurt,

02:36we can say that you are available or you have time or you can commit to a relationship.

02:43So we can say that you are emotionally ready.

02:47Okay, so Rhian, what you're saying is that,

02:49what is the timing?

02:51It's not really necessary if I'm ready,

02:54this is who I will marry or what.

02:56The decision that you are committed to the relationship is important.

03:00Yeah, yes.

03:02So that's what we are looking at,

03:04the decision of this person,

03:06if he will be with her,

03:09he can see that they have the same values,

03:11there is a shared commitment, there is a shared values.

03:14So we can see that.

03:16So the toxic love metaphor,

03:18that is really being criticized,

03:22because it's like the metaphor that is spreading on social media,

03:25it's like they are trying to convince that,

03:27for example, they are in a long-term relationship.

03:31Then that person who is not in a relationship,

03:34who is looking for a new person,

03:36he will marry her right away.

03:38So they say that it's a toxic love theory,

03:40because whoever is available at that time, he will marry her.

03:42But that's why it's being criticized,

03:44because it's like you didn't give a chance to a person,

03:47it's like the judgment of a person,

03:49that he got married to a person who is available at that time,

03:52you feel that he got married because he is available.

03:55But of course, even if you are from a long-term relationship,

03:58because a lot of things happened there,

04:00you can see the difference in a person,

04:03you know yourself, what are the values that you want,

04:06what are the things that you want in a relationship.

04:09That's why sometimes the relationship doesn't work,

04:11no matter how long it is,

04:13if you already have a person,

04:15even if it's not that long,

04:17your relationship is still too much,

04:19but you feel that you are comfortable,

04:21there are shared values, there is a shared commitment,

04:23you visualize it in the future,

04:25even if it hurts the ex of that person,

04:27you still want to marry that person.

04:29So in short, there is a decision that I really like this,

04:31I am available, I have time,

04:33and I can commit for this person.

04:35That's why it's being criticized,

04:37that toxic metaphor,

04:39because it's like,

04:41you don't see the explanation of other people,

04:44why they decide,

04:46to the people they married,

04:48they replaced you.

04:50I still remember the saying,

04:52you're building a man or a woman for another person,

04:55you've been together for a long time,

04:57but he chose a different person in the end.

04:59It's like that.

05:01It happens to celebrities.

05:03Yes, there are many like that.

05:05But to make the explanation more complicated,

05:07and for our viewers to understand better,

05:09can you give us a scenario,

05:11where this metaphor is applicable?

05:19Yes, that's what our host said earlier,

05:21that you are toxic of theory,

05:23that you are toxic of theory,

05:25when,

05:27no matter how long you've been in a relationship,

05:29you didn't finish it,

05:31it's like you built it for another person.

05:33So no matter how long you've been together,

05:35there's a time,

05:37even if there's availability,

05:39or even if you're committing at that time,

05:41when you broke up,

05:43there's another person who came,

05:45that's where he got married.

05:47So they said, that's toxic of theory.

05:49But we don't see the nuances,

05:51of that person getting married to that person,

05:53or committing to the next person.

05:57So toxic of theory,

05:59that's how people see it in social media,

06:01that there's no time,

06:03that there's no availability,

06:05that there's no commitment,

06:07that whoever he feels will replace you,

06:09he will replace you whenever he wants.

06:11So that's their perspective

06:13on toxic of theory.

06:15But we don't evaluate

06:17that kind of metaphor,

06:19because people have their own reasons

06:21on why they commit more.

06:23No matter how long you've been together,

06:25even if you broke up,

06:27even if there's availability,

06:29there's a time,

06:31that he might have seen,

06:33that he might have lost from you,

06:35because there's a time,

06:37what works for you, what doesn't.

06:39So sometimes, long term relationships,

06:41sometimes it doesn't work,

06:43because there are differences,

06:45or there are things that can't be worked out.

06:47So it's not because it didn't work,

06:49that the relationship totally failed.

06:51We can look at it as an opportunity

06:53to see who's the right person for us,

06:55just like how a person found,

06:57for example, your ex,

06:59the right person for him.

07:01So there it is.

07:03There, well explained.

07:05But there are bigger reasons

07:07why I chose this person.

07:09It's not just about timing.

07:11Thank you very much.

07:13Thank you again for joining us

07:15here on Rise and Shine Philippines.

07:17Rianne Portuguesa, our URBANILDIAN PSYCH.

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