Return to Syria: Coming home after 10 years in exile

DW (English)

A DW journalist from Syria shares her experience of returning to Damascus after the end of the civil war.

Transcript

00:00On the borders, mixed feelings of joy and anticipation.

00:03In fact, I don't know what I feel or what is waiting for me

00:08and how I will meet Damascus for the first time after all this separation.

00:12In Germany, I had a dream every month or every two months.

00:16I used to see myself always on the street,

00:19that I am stuck in the Levant and I can't go back to Germany and I am looking for a way.

00:23Then I discovered that we, all Syrians, have the same dream regardless of the country.

00:29I found out that this is called trauma.

00:31We were so afraid to go back to live in Syria.

00:34During my days in the city, I saw a different Damascus than I knew.

00:39I saw a tired, dilapidated city.

00:42Fourteen years after the war, people were devastated.

00:45This was evident on their faces and the colors of the city faded.

00:51In the Umayyad square, songs are playing and young people are dancing

00:55Armed men are distributing weapons in the square,

00:58a scene we have never seen before in Damascus.

01:01Hundreds of meters away from joy, there is a picture of another Syria.

01:06In the square of Marj, which Jamal Pasha Al-Saffah hung,

01:09the revolutionary flags of the Ottoman period,

01:12the Syrians hung the pictures of their loved ones, the detainees or the missing,

01:16so that they would know about them.

01:19I wandered between the pictures and tears.

01:21A man approached me, looking for his relative, saying,

01:24if you come here, someone will contact his family.

01:30I used to think I was ten years away from my homeland,

01:33but I found out here that my suffering is five stars.

01:36At least my family knew I was still alive.

01:41For the first time in ten years, I met my parents.

01:44Our relationship is no different than that of any Syrian family.

01:47My parents grew up while I was away, and I found out my mother was sick.

01:51I felt anger more than sadness.

01:53The regime forbade me to grow up with them,

01:56while they left me alone after their four children were scattered around the world.

02:00For the first time, I know what salvation means.

02:03Salvation from injustice, to get the simplest rights,

02:06like sitting next to my parents.

02:09Until now, I can't distinguish the feelings I feel,

02:13and in many cases, I don't feel anything.

02:15I am still in shock.

02:18Years of feeling helpless have ended like this.

02:21Fear of the future, fear of the unknown,

02:24joy, anger, and anticipation.

02:26All this is mixed with a question that is repeated by everyone around me.

02:29Where are we going?

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