Indian Matchmaking: Is arranged marriage out of place in 2020? Or still a way to find love?

Gulf News

Transcript

00:00I have seen this latest series about Indian matchmaking and I was so shocked initially

00:07because first I thought it still exists in our culture because nowadays people are getting

00:11married on their own choices.

00:13They don't generally go for matchmaker or anyone.

00:15But I found it very interesting of course the matchmaker, she is trying to convince

00:21people according to their taste, their way of thinking, she is trying hard to match their

00:28expectations rather.

00:30Mine was love marriage.

00:31I only found my groom and yes my parents and everyone in family they have given their consent

00:39at that point of time because there was no religion issues of course we both were Punjabi

00:44so it was quite fine, I mean not very struggle I would say, there was no struggle.

00:50Actually I prefer love marriage because it makes people more fix their life, they prepare

00:59good things for their future and they know each other before they get engaged with their

01:05parents arranged and I believe most of the arranged marriage they will get maybe divorced

01:11in the future or something like this.

01:13So I have obviously seen the show Indian matchmaking and I have way too many thoughts on it.

01:17Firstly I felt like the show was extremely discriminatory if that's the right word.

01:24I feel like all the compromises and adjustments in life are meant to be made by women.

01:30What are the men supposed to do?

01:32Also I personally have not been through this matchmaking journey so I don't know what it's

01:35really like but I feel like this Seema aunty was too harsh on the women and I think the

01:41worst was that Geeta aunty who literally told Ankita that if you need this to work you are

01:47the one who needs to make the adjustment and the compromises.

01:50Like what?

01:51Says who?

01:52We are in 2020.

01:53We cannot be talking like this.

01:54We cannot.

01:55Like I said I have never been on a matchmaking journey.

01:58I have been a matchmaker though for two of my friends lol but no I have never been asked

02:04to meet a matchmaker, made a bio-data and I refuse to put my weight and my height on

02:11my bio-data.

02:12If there is anything I am putting on my bio-data is how, what I do for a living or how good

02:17I am at my work or what my values are, what my principles are.

02:20I am not putting all these superficial things.

02:24I think I want to say I am for love irrespective if you fall in love after you are arranged

02:29into that marriage or you were already in love when you got married.

02:33I think, I am not married and I think marriage is a huge step and it's a lot of things.

02:40It's love, it's commitment.

02:41It seems like that.

02:42I am not, again from what I see some of my friends who are married I think it's a lot

02:46of things.

02:47It's a lot of work and it's a two-way street so it's love or it's arranged.

02:52I think if your foundation values like respect and trust and all of that is there then either

02:59ways you are going to have a fabulous marriage is what I think.

03:02Love marriage in my opinion is good because you will get to know your partner more and

03:07obviously with the recent times it's always good to have open communication in order to

03:13have a strong relationship.

03:16Oh yes, I have.

03:17I mean it was like whether to watch it or not but it keeps you curious so you have to

03:25watch it.

03:26So I have seen so far three episodes and yeah it's quite a one.

03:35So we are Indian so basically for us matchmaking is nothing new as a concept because back in

03:43India 90% of arranged marriage is through matchmaking.

03:49I myself have done arranged marriage and it's been going to be 10 years soon of my marriage

03:57but however I got to know my husband through a matchmaking website.

04:03It was not matchmaking, it was a matrimony website where my husband saw my profile which

04:08was uploaded by my parents.

04:12For me like for us like that time we got married like on the day of the marriage we were meeting

04:19for the fifth time.

04:21So we took a leap of faith.

04:22I still feel that even if you do a love marriage or an arranged marriage you have to take a

04:27leap of faith which is important because you have to trust the process.

04:32Well I think I should get into a love marriage because if you know the person prior to your

04:39marriage that will be great you know and you should have the compatibility, you guys

04:43should have understanding.

04:45So I think love marriages lasts also you know more than what arranged marriages do.

04:52However I am not against arranged marriages though but love marriages I think would be

04:57more beneficial for you know both the persons whether it be a female or male.

05:03Yes my family has tried plenty of times to set me up with many boys.

05:08I spoke to them, I met them, I had met their families as well but you know somewhere when

05:14you are talking I feel like even if you can't be friends initially then I think you cannot

05:19last long.

05:20I mean even your relationship cannot last long.

05:23So 3 months, 4 months you will come to know the actual personality of the person and that's

05:27there is.

05:28It was a cringe fest for me.

05:31I absolutely hate the idea that there is a group of, there is a lady who is coming and

05:40trying to fix 2 people up for marriage.

05:45One set of people has their demands and the others are just meant to meet it.

05:49It's not a collation of ideas, it's not 2 people coming together because they like each

05:54other or anything of the sort in marriage.

05:58It's just one person's demands being met and I am absolutely not okay with that.

06:03I am a product of an arranged marriage, I am in an arranged marriage myself which did

06:09happen as a part of a set up yes but it wasn't as bad as this.

06:15You asked me about the show, the show was pretty bad but mine wasn't like that.

06:19Because in my experience, my parents knew my husband's family before and it was not

06:28so much about their demands, they were very open and they were very open to accepting

06:35my needs and my demands as well because of which it was okay but by and large in this

06:40I see that it is one party, it's either the girl or the guy who has a very strong set

06:46of demands which need to be met.

06:48It's like they have a set of tick boxes all of which need to be ticked.

06:52For love marriage, very much for love marriage because at least it gives you a chance to

06:58know the person.

06:59I know the chances of both an arranged marriage and a love marriage surviving the situations

07:06that we have now are just about the same but I would prefer an arranged marriage because

07:13at least it gives me the chance to know what I am getting into.

07:16I will never know him completely, I know that but it would have given me the chance

07:20to know what I am getting into and not feel awkward about everything else that happens

07:27in the marriage.

Category

Transcript

Recommended