How to deal with toxic and abusive parent_ Nouman Ali Khan

FilmMieux

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00:00Allah is not expecting everyone to be exactly the same with all of their parents.

00:06My parents are a blessing to me, Alhamdulillah.

00:08Somebody else's parents are a huge trial for them.

00:12They're not the same.

00:13It's not the same.

00:15Somebody's siblings are the best thing that ever happened to them.

00:17And somebody else's siblings is like habil and qabil.

00:20It happens.

00:22Not every family is the same.

00:23Allah is not expecting the same exact behavior from everyone.

00:27What Allah is expecting though is ihsan.

00:29You know what that means?

00:30It means what's the very best you can do in your situation.

00:33I'll tell you something I may have mentioned before.

00:35A friend of mine had a terrible relationship with his mother.

00:38And you know in Islam how much Allah talks about the mother.

00:41How good you have to be to your mother.

00:43How we can never thank our mother.

00:44How she gave us birth.

00:45And how she almost died giving birth.

00:47And the favors of her and the acknowledgement of her in the Qur'an is remarkable.

00:50And in the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's so remarkable the status

00:53of the mother.

00:54Everybody here knows.

00:56And another thing also about Islam, you know how high up mom is.

00:59You know that.

01:01And then he had a terrible relationship with his mother.

01:04Not because of him, because she was extremely abusive.

01:07And she tortured him mentally, psychologically, even physically sometimes.

01:11To the point where he developed like a major anxiety and started having panic attacks and

01:16even started developing seizures.

01:18So when he would be in the company of his mom, he literally start foaming at the mouth

01:22and pass out.

01:23Like that happened multiple times to him.

01:25Because of the things his mother says.

01:27And the way she abuses him verbally.

01:29And he feels that he has to keep going back to go talk to his mom because he doesn't want

01:35to burn in hell.

01:37Because if I don't go back to mom, then Allah will be angry at me because you don't have

01:41to be the best to your mom.

01:44And so what am I supposed to do?

01:46And I told him, and I say this with a clean conscience.

01:49In his case, the best he can do is stay away from his mom.

01:53Take care of her rights.

01:55Take care of her needs.

01:56But you cannot do that at the expense of you being abused yourself.

02:00If that was the case, Ibrahim a.s. is in an abusive environment where his father is committing

02:05shirk.

02:07He's not there to just stay at home and I'm just going to be with you no matter what.

02:12When he kicks him out, he leaves.

02:14He's gone.

02:16Not everybody's circumstance is the same.

02:19But anyway, that's a side note.

02:21With your relatives, with the orphans, the needy, you do the very best that you can given

02:27your circumstances.

02:29You have to do a full assessment of what your circumstance is.

02:31Maybe even get some outside help.

02:33But to expect that we all have to be perfect in every relationship and everybody's expected

02:37the same standard.

02:38That is just not our deen.

02:40That's just not Islam.

02:41Okay?

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