- 10/15/2024
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TVTranscript
00:00Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
00:14We slayed it!
00:28Is this good television?
00:30Hello and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
00:42My name is Tom Gleeson and after decades battling Channel 10 in the courts, it brings me great
00:47pleasure to announce that the matter's been settled.
00:50While I can't disclose the details, what I can say is I'm being paid millions, Rove can
00:56never mention my mother ever again.
01:00And that the most important role in entertainment history is still mine, for I am the Taskmaster.
01:10It's now my duty and privilege to give these comedians 1, 2, 3, 4 or even 5 points based
01:16solely on what I reckon.
01:18And the overall prize they seek, let's just say Indiana Jones, would spit in Tootin' Carmen's
01:24face to lay his mitts on it for just one millisecond.
01:28It's a perfect golden replica of my head.
01:32It gives me half a mongrel.
01:35As always, I'm joined by 5 comedians desperately competing for points and this season they
01:41are Aaron Chen, Quintetta Caruso, Mel Buttle, Peter Hellier and Rhys Nicholson.
01:53And to my left is a man with a misleading surname considering his dad is the one who
02:00pays me for him to be here.
02:03It's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
02:05G'day Tom, try to relax.
02:09Oh, thanks.
02:11How are you?
02:13I'm okay.
02:14My friend bought a car on the weekend and he said it'll get him from A to B and I was
02:18like, oh, that's not very far.
02:20Like, if we're using the alphabet to denote distance, that's as short as it gets.
02:26If I had a car, I'd want it to get to at least C. Then I'd want to know that I could get
02:31back to A, because if I started at A, presumably that's where I live.
02:34And then I'd want to go on longer trips as well, so if I had a car, I'd want it to go
02:38from A to C and then back to A and then to, like, R. And then it would spell what it is.
02:50Don't clap, it'll make him try again next week.
02:55Alright, Lester, Tom, what are we doing first?
02:58Well, we have our prize task.
03:00This week, our comedians have been asked to bring in the thing with the cutest face on
03:03it that isn't meant to be a face.
03:05Alright, Mel, what's your cute thing?
03:08It is a cup that was bought in India and I think the artist made a mistake and did a
03:15sort of a little face on the back half there.
03:18It looks like Family Guy, like it's got the blonde hair.
03:21But it's kind of cute, a little smile and an eye with no pupil.
03:25I'm worried it's not very cute.
03:27What? Oh, I'm blown away.
03:30What could possibly be cuter than a little mouth that's just doing a little semi-smile
03:35like sometimes I see out of someone who sits...
03:42Conchita, what did you bring in?
03:44I brought in this adorable cheese grater.
03:47Alright, that is a very cute face.
03:53It looks a bit like Tom Cashman.
03:59It's a lot like Tom Cashman.
04:01Alright, Aaron, what did you bring in?
04:03So, I went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Magville called Viet Rolls.
04:08They're awesome guys.
04:10Did you just do a mention so you'd get free rolls?
04:14Because you slipped it in but you kind of looked at the camera when you said it.
04:19I'm in no way affiliated and use Aaron Chen at the checkout.
04:27But I went into the bathroom, right?
04:29And there was this metal bracket that used to be a soap holder.
04:38So I got the owner to take it off the wall for me.
04:43But yeah, I promised him I'd win this episode and bring it back
04:48because his business is really struggling and he...
04:52So you moved very quickly from an endorsement to a bankruptcy.
04:57Alright, Peter, do you have a cute face that's not a face?
05:00I was struggling with this one so I thought I'd go have a drink at a local bar
05:04and try to find some inspiration and you will not believe what happened in the nick of time.
05:13You might be thinking that's what they all are supposed to look like.
05:16My wife had one as well. This is hers.
05:20That one came to me for a reason.
05:23Rhys, what did you come up with?
05:25Like Pete, I struggled with this one up until this morning.
05:28I didn't have anything and then I'm making my toast this morning
05:32and you would not believe this.
05:35I cannot believe Moby came up on my post.
05:41I think Moby's very cute.
05:42Yeah.
05:43So I'm glad you threw that in at the end because I was worried it was me
05:46and I suffer from a mild case of self-loathing at times
05:49and I was going to mark you down but I'm a big fan of Moby.
05:52Alright, so we need some scores.
05:53That's right.
05:54Mel, yours wasn't cute.
05:55I don't envy you on social media after this but, you know...
05:59Also, I'm going to say, I feel like Conchita and Aaron
06:02were both going for a very similar vibe
06:04but I'm just a bit more concerned about the Vietnamese role's business.
06:08Yep.
06:09So I'm going to give Aaron three and Conchita two.
06:11Okay.
06:12It was a very cute face in Pete's drink so I'm going to give Pete four
06:15but with five points I'm going to give it to Rhys
06:17because I'm a massive fan of Moby.
06:22Okay, let's move on.
06:25Yeah!
06:28Okay, let's get stuck into the real stuff.
06:31Alright, I don't think I've ever had less experience
06:33with the theme of a task than this.
06:51Ooh!
06:52Don't do that.
06:54That's crazy.
06:55Yeah.
06:56There is no Tom.
06:57Taskmaster VIP.
06:59Just on first look, what do you reckon?
07:01Play a round of strip poker with Tom.
07:03No, thanks.
07:04Try not to vomit in a bucket.
07:06Least vomit wins.
07:08Shall I be mother?
07:09Please.
07:10Go for it.
07:11Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
07:16Oh, yes.
07:17Hottest club in town wins.
07:19Nice.
07:20Tom will join the line of your hottest club in 60 minutes.
07:24Your time starts now.
07:26We are the perfect three people.
07:29We all love clubbing.
07:31Well, you're young.
07:32You know what's in clubs.
07:33What makes them hot?
07:34Stripper poles.
07:35Yes.
07:36I think we should make them over 28s.
07:38Yeah.
07:41What about you, Aaron?
07:4227.
07:43Okay.
07:44I'll wait outside for a year.
07:46We'll get you in.
07:48This could be a DJ.
07:49Hot plate.
07:50And hot, hot plate.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Listen for the drop.
07:53It's coming.
07:54Name of the club.
07:55Name of the club, yeah.
07:56Um.
07:57Moist.
07:58Club moist.
07:59Let's make this place really wet.
08:02That's hot.
08:03That stays.
08:04Yeah.
08:05That's a lot of moisture.
08:06Ernie and Bert and the Muppets are back.
08:14Have any of you even been to a nightclub in the last year?
08:19I've been to a clerb.
08:21Oh.
08:22What's a clerb?
08:23Is this an Italian thing again?
08:27No.
08:28No, it's a cool people thing.
08:30Are you saying Italians aren't cool?
08:32No, no, no, no, no, no.
08:34Alright, Lester, Tom.
08:35Which club are we going to go to first?
08:37Let's see if I can get into club moist.
08:44Hi there.
08:46I'm here to attend the hottest club in town.
08:51What is happening?
08:53You can't wear that jacket.
08:55Okay.
08:56Are you the door person?
08:57Of course I'm the door person.
08:58I'm standing at the door.
08:59Okay.
09:00Literally.
09:01Let's put this on.
09:02Oh.
09:03Sounds quite wet in there.
09:06Are you prepared to get moist?
09:08I suppose if that's what the hottest club in town entails.
09:12Well, there's pre-wetting.
09:26Welcome to club moist.
09:28I'll be right with you.
09:29Okay.
09:37What can I get you?
09:39Um, what do you serve?
09:42What would you like?
09:44Of water?
09:54That's probably enough.
09:55Yep.
09:58Does that experience cost any money or that was just on the house?
10:01You're getting a bit aggro, mate.
10:02I think maybe you've had enough.
10:03Take him out.
10:04You've had enough.
10:05You're out.
10:06This is the end of the experience?
10:07This is the end of the experience.
10:08That's enough, mate.
10:09Okay.
10:10You're out.
10:12Well, it was definitely a nightclub run by Muppets.
10:19Pete, your hair there, your ridiculous wig, looked like Aaron's real hair.
10:26Well, we wanted to have a club that none of us would actually want to go to.
10:30It had to be pretentious and full of wankers and I think we achieved that.
10:36Well, there were times like it felt less like a nightclub and more like a performance art piece.
10:42Watching Tom walk in through the plastic, he seemed so genuinely terrified about what
10:47was happening in there and I think that's what happens in a hot club.
10:50When you're standing outside and you don't know what's happening, the noises were extremely
10:53concerning.
10:56What tunes were you spinning on the wet decks, Aaron?
10:59Do you know there's a DJ called Fred Again?
11:02Well, I was wet again.
11:04It could be led into a club.
11:06You pay a door charge.
11:07Here on Commercial TV, you watch ads.
11:09Time to pay the fee.
11:10And thank your lucky stars there's not a dress code.
11:12See you soon.
11:26Welcome back to Classmaster, where five comedians are genuinely nervous.
11:30Welcome back to Classmaster, where five comedians are genuinely trying their best to win a piece
11:35of burnt toast and a metal bracket Aaron Chen ripped off a restaurant wall.
11:41Where do we leave off, Lester Tom?
11:42Now, we're halfway through a team task.
11:44Our teams are trying to turn the study into the hottest club in town.
11:47Next up, even if the club makes you line up out on the street, at least that street is
11:51Sesame Street.
11:52It's Ernie and Bert.
11:53Good to see you.
11:54I'm Mel.
12:00Come on in.
12:04It's a red whistle.
12:06Okay.
12:09It's a real sausage fest in here.
12:12G'day.
12:14Watch the vomit.
12:17Read me.
12:19You looking for the hottest club in town?
12:22You're not going to find it that easily, mate.
12:24Only a truly cool person can find the hottest club on their own.
12:29Alright.
12:38Doesn't seem like the hottest club in town.
12:44Oh my god, here he comes.
12:49Hey, welcome to Shark Eyes.
12:51Shark Eyes?
12:52Are you on the list?
12:54I hope so.
12:55My name's Tom Cashman.
12:56Sorry, you're not on the list.
12:59Also, we're at Capacity.
13:01Is that the hottest club in town?
13:03That's our resident DJ.
13:05Okay, so the Capacity is just the DJ?
13:08Yep.
13:09What's the point of having a business where it's the hottest club in town but the Capacity
13:12is the DJ?
13:13I want to see your cam!
13:14What's your name?
13:15Sorry, you don't fit the dress code.
13:16Oh, okay.
13:17Do you know what the dress code is?
13:18No.
13:19No suits.
13:20Anything but suits.
13:21Anything but.
13:22And the boat doesn't dock for another eight hours.
13:24The boat's out in the lake for the next eight hours.
13:27It's a boat party.
13:28Club.
13:29Okay.
13:30So the DJ is doing an eight hour set?
13:32One, two, three, go!
13:37Is the music playing just in headphones that she has?
13:40Yep, it's a silent disco.
13:43It's a silent disco.
13:44I thought so.
13:45So it's a boat silent disco with the Capacity of zero on top of the DJ.
13:50Tornessa, can you get rid of him please?
13:52Yeah.
13:53You are stinking the vibe of the hottest club in town.
13:55Please leave.
13:56Alright, well, it was nice to meet you.
13:58Why are you backing up?
13:59Turn around and walk forward.
14:00Sorry.
14:01Back to the bangers.
14:07Wow.
14:08I actually think that was pretty good.
14:09Like, I mean, it's a hot nightclub.
14:10It's very lateral thinking.
14:11You created this whole other terrible nightclub and then you went out and made a cool one
14:14that he had to find.
14:15To me, that's a really hot nightclub.
14:19And that's all.
14:20That's it.
14:21That's it.
14:22Yeah.
14:23That's a really hot nightclub.
14:24I have a bonus content.
14:25And this might be wrong.
14:26Can you read the task out again, please?
14:28Sure.
14:29Transform the study into the hottest club in town.
14:32Oh, more?
14:36So, that would mean that the club being assessed, in your case, is the Red Whistle.
14:41Oh.
14:44So, hang on.
14:45That really hot club that they nailed, called Shark Eyes, is not even in competition.
14:49No.
14:50What?
14:51No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
14:53Oh, sorry.
14:55When you were outdoors in the study.
14:58These are some things that were in the Red Whistle.
15:00A sign saying no coward punching.
15:02A sign saying it's a real sausage fest in here.
15:05And a piece of paper that specifically says it is not the hottest club in town.
15:13Well, I can only take your word for it that it isn't the hottest nightclub in town.
15:17So, I'm going to give them up.
15:18It's five.
15:19Ernie and Bert get two each.
15:20Okay.
15:21Oh.
15:23Alright, Lister Tom.
15:24That task barely touched the sides.
15:26I'm ready for another.
15:27This next task is full of so many hilarious and entertaining moments,
15:30it's literally bursting at the seams.
15:32Hi, Rose.
15:33Hi, Tom.
15:34Hi, Tom.
15:35Beep, beep.
15:36Interesting.
15:37Woah!
15:38Oh, my gosh!
15:42Fabulous.
15:43No.
15:44It's bad.
15:45No.
15:46Turn around.
15:47Turn around.
15:48No.
15:49Oh, my goodness!
15:50No way!
15:51No.
15:52No.
15:53No.
15:54Oh, my gosh!
15:55Don't hit me.
15:56Don't hit me.
15:57Don't hit me.
15:58No.
15:59No.
16:00Come on.
16:01Now I'm left with a puzzle.
16:03Should I come back in half an hour?
16:05Got it. Yeah, got it.
16:07Okey-dokey.
16:10Create the best banner, then burst through it.
16:14Best banner and banner burst through wins.
16:17You must burst through your banner in 30 minutes.
16:19Your time...
16:20Starts...
16:21Now.
16:22Well, let's get the idea down first
16:24before we go down and create.
16:26The pencils here are kind of small, don't you reckon?
16:29Seems like a normal pencil from here.
16:31And what about this?
16:33LAUGHTER
16:35I am actually...
16:36It's OK.
16:37I could ride through it with a bike.
16:39Whoa.
16:40Whoa is right.
16:41What's the banner say?
16:43Oh, it has to say something.
16:45For the tournament of, um, touch ball.
16:48Oh.
16:49Touch ball.
16:50With a tap that I clearly won.
16:53That's not what occurred.
16:54Absolutely it's what happened.
16:55No, it's not what happened.
16:56Absolute lie, I wouldn't trust him.
16:58He's currently lying.
16:59I'm not saying he's a liar, but...
17:01Sorry, they are lying right now.
17:03See?
17:04They're not a liar.
17:05You can't even get a gender right.
17:06I mean, that was a mistake I made,
17:07but it's not relevant.
17:08Hateful.
17:09In terms of best, what is the best in humanity?
17:14Like, beauty...
17:15Beauty's good.
17:16Oh, yeah.
17:17Hope.
17:18Hope's nice.
17:19It often rhymes, we know that.
17:21OK.
17:22It'll have a slander to the other team, won't it?
17:24Oh, really?
17:25So who's your enemy team?
17:26A lady called ****.
17:28What does she do?
17:29She throws dog poo, I believe, on my front lawn
17:33because I take great pride in my lawn.
17:34You believe that she does that?
17:36I can't prove it.
17:37It's really, her name really is ****.
17:39Maybe say a different name?
17:41Sue.
17:42Sue?
17:43Sue, leave the poo.
17:46We know it's you.
17:51OK, Lissa, Tom, whose banner are we going to start with?
17:54Like an actor named Eric right before Chopper was released in 1999,
17:57a banner is about to burst, it's Rhys Nicholson.
18:01I'm becoming that John Mulaney bit where you run out of space.
18:10That's still good, that's still good, it's still good.
18:12Can you tell I was rejected from three art schools?
18:15You were rejected from three art schools?
18:17Well, I wasn't accepted, and I will take,
18:18whenever I'm not accepted, I will take that as a rejection.
18:21I mean, you should, that's what rejection means.
18:23OK, well, if we're going to talk like that,
18:24who would know more than you?
18:28I'm kind of happy with that.
18:31I'm really sweating.
18:42Yeah, catch ball!
18:45I won!
18:47Shoo, shoo, shoo!
18:54Touch ball.
18:58Touch ball.
19:00Touch ball!
19:02Well, Rhys, I must say, like, when you were painting there
19:05and being mildly entertaining, you reminded me of Rolf Harris.
19:09No, no touch ball.
19:12I think it was mock humility when you said
19:14that you weren't very good at painting.
19:16I like arts and craft, I'm a crafty person,
19:18but I think craft is like, craft isn't always art, is it?
19:21Craft is like...
19:22Sometimes it can be cheese.
19:32Alright, whose banner bursting are we going to see next?
19:35Here's Mel Buttle.
19:37This banner is about one thing and one thing only,
19:39intimidation.
19:40Who am I intimidating?
19:41A woman called Sue.
19:42Sue, we know it's you!
19:45Exclamation mark.
19:46Scarce form punctuation.
19:47Cease!
19:49Not please.
19:50Cease with the poo!
19:52Double exclamation mark.
19:54Thank you!
19:56Other intimidating things on the banner?
19:58Oh, a bit of maths.
19:59Good luck with that, Sue.
20:00Two times X plus A.
20:02Scary!
20:03Come over here.
20:05Fraction, 46 over 82, that's not going to work out.
20:07Sucked in, idiot.
20:08Oh, the worst kind of maths, long division.
20:10113, scariest number, it's got 13 in it,
20:13plus the biggest number in the world, 100,
20:15divided by 21.
20:17Good luck with that, Sue.
20:18This woman's going to be quaking in her boots.
20:20Also, actual poo, so she knows what she's done.
20:30Axe, intimidating, a dangerous weapon.
20:33Watch out, Sue.
20:35And then you stand with it, like, sexually,
20:38because that's powerful.
20:43Cop that.
20:49Mel, that was a very intimidating presentation.
20:52After watching it, I feel like I'm on Sue's side.
20:56I'm just feeling like if this was a story on a current affair,
20:59you'd be the one featured in slow motion and black and white.
21:02Yeah, I know.
21:03And Sue would be walking on the beach going,
21:05I'm not sure what I've done wrong, like skipping a stone.
21:10Yeah.
21:11OK, well, we've got more banner bursting to go,
21:13but first I'd like to welcome Team Advertising to the field.
21:16They've had a great run over the last six months
21:18and could really do some exciting things this postseason.
21:21We'll see you after this.
21:35Welcome back to Taskmaster,
21:36the show where five well-paid liberal elites
21:39are competing for Peter Hellyer's half-drunk margarita.
21:43Where were we?
21:44Our contestants are creating banners and then bursting through them.
21:47Both the banners themselves and the burst-throughs
21:49are being analysed by you.
21:51OK, who's next?
21:52He's been bursting out of his Lycra bike shorts
21:54since he's been wearing them in 2004.
21:56It's Peter Hellyer.
22:14My name's Tom Gleeson, and I endorse this message.
22:20Ta-da!
22:23Pretty good.
22:24Oh, no way. It's you.
22:26It's me. The whole time.
22:28This whole banner is about promoting Tom to get another gold Logie.
22:32And what better way than to have a papier-mâché Tom Gleeson
22:36next to a spray-painted Tom Gleeson?
22:38So it's a double Tom to promote a double gold Logie.
22:40Exactly right.
22:41Are we still in the burst-through?
22:44He's not burst-through enough.
22:51Ta-da!
22:54Great work, Pete.
22:55Thanks, Tom.
22:58Thanks, Pete.
22:59Thanks, Tom.
23:05So, with the shape of that hole in you bursting through,
23:08it was a very disappointing version of the MGM lion.
23:12Well, I was going for the alien.
23:14The alien kind of thing bursting through the chest.
23:17Sorry about the fingers.
23:19Or...
23:20It's my pleasure.
23:31And if that helps you win another gold Logie,
23:33mate, it's my bloody pleasure.
23:35And you bloody deserve it, mate.
23:37I deserve it.
23:38I deserve it.
23:40He makes a good point.
23:41Another paper splitter, please.
23:43She's always bursting with something.
23:45It's Conchetta Cristo.
23:59Tom, what's your middle name?
24:01James.
24:02Tom James Cashman.
24:06Will you marry me?
24:08Oh.
24:09And make me the happiest horse in the village.
24:12You're a horse?
24:13Yes.
24:14Oh.
24:15Um, it's very flattering,
24:17but unfortunately I'm going to have to say, um, no.
24:21Because we're not in a romantic relationship.
24:24And just a vibe that you wouldn't be interested in that.
24:27I think you have a boyfriend.
24:29Yeah, I do.
24:33All right.
24:35Thanks, Tom.
24:38Was the cartwheel cool?
24:40Yeah.
24:41Yeah.
24:44Why are you a horse?
24:45Huh?
24:46No, nothing.
24:57Now I'm free.
25:03That's the second time in the series
25:05you've proposed to Tom Cashman.
25:08He's all I've got.
25:10If I could propose to anyone else, I would.
25:14Either way, I'm saying Tom and Conchetta.
25:19Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
25:22All right.
25:25Yeah, well, I think the burst through was fantastic.
25:27I love the burst through, but I'm worried the message
25:29was just a bit basic.
25:30It felt more like a stage direction.
25:32You don't come right out and say it.
25:34I have to say it looking into his eyes.
25:37As a horse.
25:38As a horse?
25:39Can I just say I think we're burying the lead.
25:41A horse was riding a f***ing trike.
25:47One more Burst Boy left.
25:48Will he burst into tears or burst through with tears?
25:50It's Aaron Chen.
25:52Describe to me one of your best days in your life.
25:55Because I kind of want to dedicate this to you.
25:57I won the Don Nordy Award in Year 11.
26:00We're going to do something much better than that.
26:03OK.
26:04Some of the best things, including race cars.
26:07Wow.
26:08Weaponry, technology.
26:10Are those planes or missiles?
26:12Missiles, yeah.
26:13OK.
26:14A few minutes ago, the things that you thought were best
26:16were, I think, beauty and hope.
26:18And now we're focusing on Formula One cars and bombs.
26:21You have to defend beauty.
26:23OK.
26:24So Don Nordy is kind of like a sports award?
26:26Yeah.
26:27What sports did you play?
26:28Basketball.
26:30Is there any extra points for wettest burst?
26:32No.
26:34It looks like it's about Japan now.
26:37And then bombing.
26:38But now they're good at making race cars.
26:42OK, so that is not allowed to be Japan anymore.
26:44I like this.
26:45You know why?
26:46Why?
26:47It's not a direct reference to the bombing of Hiroshima.
26:53This is a disaster, Tom.
26:55I'm going to write beauty and hope to salvage these points.
26:59OK.
27:01Pretty good.
27:04OK, so grab that end and we're going to take this outside.
27:08Oh.
27:10Is this your burst through?
27:11This is not the burst through.
27:12There's going to be a hollow bit on it.
27:14OK.
27:15Yeah.
27:22Wow.
27:24This is the burst through.
27:26It will have to be.
27:29Do you want to do another one over this side?
27:34OK.
27:47You got a good crowd reaction, but don't get confused.
27:51I feel like everything went wrong for you there.
27:53No-one ever teaches you about, like, the viscosity of paint...
28:00..versus the thinness of paper, you know?
28:02Let's get to the message.
28:03The message was very confusing.
28:04It was a tribute to Tom Cashman winning the Don Northey Award.
28:07What's the Don Northey Award?
28:08The Don Northey Award was named after the Deputy Principal
28:11at the time.
28:12Most proficient player in any sport,
28:14criteria based on skill, number of years played
28:16and service to the sport.
28:17Can I just say that Tom's bragging about winning a sports award
28:21at a very academic-focused high school.
28:24I was one of the only people who played any sport.
28:28Right.
28:29Can we see those banners one more time, please?
28:32Alright, so I'll go through the banners first.
28:34Aaron's definitely on one.
28:35Conchita on two, just because I found it a bit basic,
28:38the actual message.
28:39Mel's on three.
28:40And then I'm going to give Peter four for his banner,
28:43because I agreed with the message.
28:45But just due to the artwork alone, and also because it's about
28:48the nation's new favourite sport, touchball,
28:51Rhys gets five.
28:55Yeah.
28:56Now we have to analyse the burst-throughs.
28:58It's no surprise, but Aaron's is one.
29:01And then I'm going to give Pete two.
29:03Mel's on three points.
29:04Rhys, you're on four for your burst-through.
29:06Had a guitar, looked pretty cool.
29:07But the best burst-through had to be Conchita on a trike.
29:13Alright, let's see, Tom, can you tally that up for us?
29:15We're going to be combining both rankings into a final ranking.
29:18So the overall scores for this task, we've got Aaron on one, obviously.
29:21Then we've got Mel and Pete with three points each.
29:24Conchita with four.
29:25And the winner of the task is Rhys with five points.
29:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:30We've got to go away and do some investigations
29:33into whether or not Don Northey is a real person
29:36and explain to Tom Cashman why, if he is, we still don't give a shit.
29:40More tasks after the break.
29:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:53Welcome back to Taskmaster.
29:55So far, we've already been transported to Club Moist
29:58as well as seen Mel air her dog poo grievances.
30:02Listen, Tom, what is the scoreboard looking like?
30:05Well, Mel should potentially hit the juice to bulk up.
30:08She's on six.
30:09Then we've got Aaron, Conchita and Pete.
30:11They could spend a bit more time in the gym.
30:13But it's Rhys who's flexing el natural with a muscly 15 points.
30:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:19Let's have another task.
30:20Sure thing.
30:21I should apologise in advance for this one, though,
30:23it's a bit of a technical issue with the gravity.
30:37Well, this looks good.
30:38Oh, my God.
30:40Tom, I thought you were dead.
30:42How are you doing?
30:43Something weird has happened.
30:45Like gravity's all wrong. Yeah.
30:47Sorry, I've dropped the task on the ground.
30:54OK.
30:56There's a bug on it.
31:00Make these scales register and flash the biggest weight...
31:04From the map.
31:05Map, wait. From the mat.
31:07You cannot move the mat.
31:09You have 15 minutes.
31:10Highest registered weight wins.
31:14Your time starts now.
31:15Thank you. Can you help me up?
31:16No, cos I can't leave the mat.
31:18You're allowed to leave the mat.
31:19Thank you. Sorry about that.
31:21That's OK.
31:23Up you pop.
31:24Now, how do I use these scales, Tom?
31:28Nice, simple, physical task.
31:30Stay on the mat.
31:31Apply pressure to the scales.
31:32Most pressure wins.
31:33Whose attempt are we going to see first?
31:36Do you smell that?
31:37It's a sort of Peter-y smell.
31:39That's right.
31:40Peter-y smell.
31:43I can use anything in the Taskmaster ranch?
31:46All the information you need is in the task.
31:49Is it too dumb and over-simple just to push something?
31:52Seems too simple to me.
31:54There you go.
31:55To get some things.
31:56Is that going to be long enough?
31:57Is there a reason you chose that particular one,
31:59or was it either-or?
32:02Nice.
32:03Thanks.
32:06Map.
32:07So I've got to be on the mat.
32:08That's right.
32:09I cannot leave this mat.
32:10That's right.
32:11No leaving the mat.
32:12That's right.
32:13All right.
32:15Here we go.
32:19Whoops.
32:20Who would have foreseen that?
32:21Could I put something there?
32:23I mean...
32:25Yeah.
32:27Yeah, hold it, hold it.
32:28You need consistent weight.
32:32OK, I've missed there.
32:33Yep.
32:37Is this good television?
32:38Depends how well you do.
32:42Still a zero, unfortunately.
32:4420.5, 19.5, 21.1.
32:4620.5, 19.5, 21.1, 20.1.
32:51And it's off.
32:5220.8, 20.1, 19.6, 19.2, 18.8.
32:55Push.
32:56I feel like I'm doing a home birth.
32:58I'm on the floor of a bathroom pushing.
33:00Do you want me to hold your hand?
33:01Epidural is what I'd like.
33:0319.6, 19.1, 18.5.
33:05You're reducing.
33:06This scale's no good.
33:08This is going to get consistent pressure?
33:09Yep.
33:11Oh.
33:15Zero.
33:16What's the time, Tom?
33:17Check your...
33:1850 seconds left.
33:1921.5, 20.2.
33:20Tom, can you go and press that as hard as you can, please?
33:22OK.
33:23Can you press that with both hands with all your strength?
33:25Yeah.
33:267.4, write that down.
33:2716.9, 16.5 has been locked in.
33:3125.9.
33:35Did you register it from there?
33:37Yes, I did, with my voice.
33:38That's not really what registering means, though, is it?
33:40I can register to vote from my computer.
33:44Are you OK?
33:45Sure.
33:49So, Nell, you registered the weight from the mat
33:51because you can register a vote on a computer.
33:55Just to register for something, anything, voting,
33:57if that's what you want to talk about.
34:00You can get on the sex register from your laptop?
34:02Yes, you can.
34:05Is it wrong that when I heard the phrase sex register,
34:07I thought, where do I sign up?
34:12Now, Rhys and Pete,
34:13I feel like you picked the most obvious way to go at it.
34:15Do you think it will be enough?
34:17It felt like too much work.
34:18I didn't like this challenge, to be honest.
34:20I didn't like this task.
34:21I don't weigh myself a lot.
34:22There's enough bad news online.
34:25It was the most maddening task I think we'd gone through
34:27at that point.
34:28Like, I lost my...
34:30..mind.
34:32So, what are the results?
34:33Nell's weight was 7.4 kilograms.
34:36Pete, his weight, was 16.5 kilograms.
34:38And Rhys' weight was 25.9 kilograms.
34:44Who do we get to see throwing their weight around next?
34:46The first two letters of his name are the types of batteries
34:49we put in the scales.
34:50It's Aaron Chan.
34:52You cannot move the mat.
34:54That's right.
34:55But you can move the scales.
34:57Can you?
35:07Easy.
35:10Yep.
35:12Yep.
35:18Is there a reading?
35:20Yeah, it's just...
35:21It's just 20.5 kilos.
35:24All right, we're going to try it cold.
35:3118.2.
35:32I wonder why that's 18.2 kilos.
35:35It does seem a bit low, doesn't it?
35:37Should I go more onto it in the middle?
35:39Yeah.
35:40More.
35:42Yes!
35:43It says 39.8.
35:44And it's in pound.
35:45Is pounds heavier?
35:48I think it's close to broken.
35:50I'll get a safety one.
35:56Zero kilos.
35:58You weigh nothing?
35:59Yep.
36:00It's keto.
36:01One second.
36:03How do you think you went?
36:05I didn't consider the machine breaking.
36:09See you later, Tom.
36:16So, Aaron, in a previous episode,
36:18you were very concerned about property damage.
36:22Because lesser Tom here damaged a lock on a shed.
36:25Well, after Tom had done that heinous crime,
36:30I started committing the crimes that were modelled to me.
36:36So what was the best measurement he got?
36:38Because there are a few different measurements.
36:40None of them, I think, were the weight of the truck.
36:43Not even close.
36:4439.2 pounds, which you asked whether that's more than kilos.
36:47The answer is no.
36:50Then we had 2.5 stone, which was 15.8 kilograms.
36:54Then we had zero kilograms.
36:56At that point, you'd broken the scales.
36:58But the first registration was 20.5 kilograms.
37:02You didn't take the soggy ground into account?
37:04I did not consider that at the time, Your Honour.
37:11I did think about that a lot when the task was finished.
37:15That came to me kind of like Einstein.
37:18But instead of an apple, it was mud.
37:22What was the relevance of the apple to Einstein?
37:29One of the things I asked about,
37:31aren't you supposed to be on the mat the whole time?
37:33You didn't have to be on the mat the whole time?
37:35The weight needed to be registered from the mat?
37:37Yeah, there's many ways to interpret it anyway.
37:43There's one more scale, poker or prodder to come.
37:45Why not go and weigh yourself and then your car
37:48and feel good about yourself?
37:49See you after the break.
37:59Look, I know you're watching it now,
38:00but how about watching more later?
38:02Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation
38:04of Taskmaster Australia with full episodes
38:06at tenplay.com.au or the TenPlay app.
38:15Come on back inside, leave your slippers at the door,
38:18tie the cords of your gym jams and settle in for story time.
38:22What are we doing, Tom Cash Converters Man?
38:26The contestants are trying to register a weight from the mat
38:30on scales that are up against a wall slash bathroom floor.
38:34OK, who's up next, Pookie?
38:37I love it when you call me that.
38:39It's Concetta Caristo.
38:41Can you go on there?
38:45What the four? Can we go on together?
38:50Shit, she's coming up dry.
38:53Can I use anything?
38:54All the information you need is in the task.
38:56Feels like we're moving in together.
38:58Where should we put the bath?
38:59Usually the bathroom, right?
39:00I want it in the lounge room.
39:03Is this a dumb joke?
39:05Is it on?
39:06Oh, it's not on.
39:07Are you serious?
39:09Are you stupid?
39:12Wasting my time again.
39:15You're bollocks.
39:17Well, that can't weigh 0.6.
39:20I'm going to kill you.
39:22You're losing my mind.
39:24Come on, help me.
39:26What's going on?
39:28Why is this not showing up?
39:32This is stupid.
39:34Is this broken?
39:35Tom!
39:38Get in it.
39:41Tom, it's on zero.
39:42Just tell me this is normal.
39:44What about this is normal?
39:47What's heavy?
39:49I don't know.
39:50Come on, you old thing.
39:53What's the trick?
39:54What is going on?
39:56Can I move a car on it?
39:57We can move the car on it.
39:58Are you serious?
39:59Then let's go!
40:00Okay, you want to move the car?
40:01Yes!
40:02Okay.
40:03Tom?
40:06Tom, I'm going to cry.
40:09Do you want me to get on the truck?
40:12This is a freaking joke.
40:14I'm laughing.
40:20F**k.
40:23That's good, whatever.
40:27Can you give me the drawer?
40:2830 seconds.
40:29Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
40:31Quick!
40:3610 seconds.
40:37No, this is going to f**k up.
40:44Thanks, Muchelo.
40:45This was broken.
40:47Just so you know, this whole thing's broken.
41:03So did I win?
41:07You know what I'm just realizing?
41:08That was just a mat on the floor.
41:12Oh god.
41:13Can you think about these idiots being like,
41:15Oh, it's so hard, it broke my brain.
41:18Well, what about me?
41:21It literally broke me.
41:23And I was so mad at you, Tom.
41:25And you know I love you.
41:26But I wanted to wring your little neck.
41:30Probably the hardest I've ever had to try not to laugh in my life.
41:35You just kept going at it.
41:36I'm just trying to...
41:38So I'm trying to picture it.
41:39Because I'm thinking it's a generation gap.
41:41Like for me, I'd be like, there are no chords.
41:44But for you, you're like, it's Bluetooth or something.
41:47It's connected.
41:48How is it connected?
41:50I believe so wholeheartedly in the Taskmaster franchise.
41:55And the technology that they have that I'm not privy to.
42:00Because I thought there's...
42:05Like the MDM, there's cables through the floor.
42:08And I just needed to just try harder.
42:12Do you know how much it broke my heart to watch Aaron just take it off?
42:17Oh my God.
42:18Alright, well I think we need some final scores there.
42:20Obviously.
42:21One point for Conchetta.
42:22Two for Mel.
42:23Three for Pete.
42:24Four for Aaron.
42:25And the winner of the task, with 25.9 kilograms, it's Rhys with five points.
42:32And how does that shape things up for tonight's episode?
42:35Mel is drooling it back on eight.
42:37And Rhys is drooling it on 20.
42:39Sorry for saying a mean thing about you, Mel.
42:42Alright.
42:45We'd better keep moving before Conchetta starts stomping and screaming
42:48at the scoreboard for not changing.
42:50Get on up there for the live task.
42:57Okay, Lester.
42:58Tom, ease us into these easels.
43:00Well first, could our contestants please choose a random easel?
43:06No, no.
43:09Please read that.
43:12Draw either a line graph about lines or a bar graph about bars
43:18or a column graph about columns or a pie graph about pies
43:23or a bubble graph about bubbles.
43:26Your graph type and subject has been determined
43:30by the easel you have stood beside.
43:34You have 90 seconds.
43:36Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
43:40Alright, we ready?
43:42Oh, you piece of shit.
43:45So Aaron has a bar graph.
43:47Mel is a bubble graph.
43:49Pete is a column graph.
43:50Conchetta is a line graph.
43:52And Rhys is a pie graph.
43:54Five seconds.
44:00Oh, no.
44:02Aaron, Aaron, look.
44:06Should I read it?
44:07Yeah.
44:09Each contestant must step one easel to the left.
44:12Explain the graph on your new easel.
44:17Best explanation wins.
44:19You have 30 seconds each to explain your new easel.
44:22Your time starts on Tom's whistle.
44:25Alright, Conchetta, you're first.
44:26Hello.
44:27Hello, friends.
44:28This graph is both vulnerable and clear.
44:30This is a pie graph of the amount of pies that I've eaten
44:34in what time I ate them.
44:36So the majority, I'd say that's 90%,
44:38was during COVID lockdowns.
44:40And then the sliver, maybe 10%, was all other time.
44:44So I ate a lot clearly during COVID lockdowns
44:47and I don't eat them many times because they're crazy.
44:54Aaron.
44:55Size of bubbles.
44:57Pete, thanks for asking.
45:00So the size of a bubble, every bubble,
45:03changes over its lifetime.
45:05For example...
45:11..goes from small to big and then small again.
45:15That happens in all facets of life, even in the bath.
45:23Mel.
45:24OK, I just need to be up here, no talking, Lachlan watching you.
45:28OK, so, that's the first warning.
45:31Next time is a phone call home.
45:33Columns of the world.
45:36That's right, that's what we're doing today
45:38and what we have been doing all term.
45:40So, so the columns that you may use on your test
45:43are tall column, medium column, short column,
45:46really small column.
45:51Rhys.
45:52Hello, Weight Watchers.
45:55As we see here, I've had a pretty rough week.
45:58This is what I've consumed mostly.
46:00I've loved Kit Kats.
46:02Are they for friends and someone else?
46:04Nah, I've eaten them all myself.
46:06I thought I was eating a Snickers.
46:08No, it was just a picnic.
46:10Yep.
46:13Pete, this is a graph about how I feel about line dancing
46:16and what it does to me, OK?
46:18Everyone's different, let me be clear on that.
46:20This is how good I feel, the vibes,
46:22and this is how long I'm line dancing for.
46:24So as you can see, when I start off line dancing,
46:26I'm kind of, I'm not really feeling it.
46:29I'm like, I don't know, I'm not sure.
46:31But hang on, the longer I do it, here we go.
46:34Here we go.
46:38I'm line dancing.
46:43Alright, we'll find out who the winner is after this
46:46because I've just seen a graph from the Channel 10 sales department
46:48and we need these ads.
46:55APPLAUSE
47:00Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
47:02If you're joining us now, you've basically just skipped
47:05to the last page of a brand-new book
47:07and all your favourite characters have died and been replaced
47:10by AI androids who understand most things except love,
47:14poorly drawn graphs and bathroom scales.
47:17I suppose I'd better score the live task we just witnessed.
47:21Just to be clear, I'm judging the explanation of the graphs.
47:24Best explanation wins.
47:26Right, so straight away, it's pretty easy.
47:28I think I'm going to give Rhys one because it was self-evidently shit.
47:32Then I'm going to give Conchita two.
47:34It was a good explanation but a very simple one.
47:36I'm going to give Aaron three because he found more detail
47:40in the graph than I had noticed just looking at it.
47:43Then I'm going to give Mel four points
47:45because the school teacher skills came straight to the front
47:48and I think just for sheer entertainment,
47:50I'm going to give five points to Peter.
47:52Hell yeah!
47:56But who tonight has won our episode?
47:59Or let's be honest, lost by the least.
48:02Well, in fifth place, we've got Conchita with 11 points.
48:05Then we've got Mel with 12, Aaron with 16, Pete with 20,
48:09but winning by one point, it's Rhys Nicholson with 21 points!
48:12CHEERING
48:14Whoa!
48:15All right, congratulations, Rhys.
48:17Go on up the stage and face off
48:19with your five meant-to-be-faceless placed items.
48:23Whilst Rhys gets close to their precious haul
48:26and realises that despite the numerous advances in neural mechanics,
48:29cold toast is still a pretty shitty prize,
48:32can we have the overall season scores so far?
48:34Yeah, well, I'd probably give summer a five.
48:37LAUGHTER
48:39Autumn four.
48:41APPLAUSE
48:45Oh, for the show. Oh, for the show.
48:47I'd be happy for you to drive from A to B again.
48:49LAUGHTER
48:51Conchita and Rhys are tied leaders for the series with 65 points each.
48:55CHEERING
48:59OK, and that brings us to the end
49:01of another episode of Taskmaster Australia.
49:04But what have we learnt here today?
49:06Well, we've learnt that even if Lesser Tom is allowed into a nightclub,
49:10he'll be asked to leave soon after.
49:12We've learnt that the tensile strength of Butcher's Paper
49:15is a dough match for three kilograms of paint.
49:18LAUGHTER
49:19And we've learnt that when it comes to scales,
49:22Conchita truly does believe in magic.
49:24LAUGHTER
49:26But most importantly, we've learnt
49:28that Rhys is the winner of this episode.
49:31We'll see you next time. Good night.
49:34APPLAUSE
49:40CHEERING
49:49I can't even do this bullsh... Oh, f***!
49:54Tom, you stink and you look like an idiot.
49:57F*** you!
49:58I'm having a full-blown mental breakdown, Tom.
50:00Keep the trauma at a level that we don't have to give out the lifeline number, OK?
50:04LAUGHTER
Recommended
49:18
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