One Foot In The Grave S02 E05 - Love and Death - video Dailymotion

According to Jim

Watch One Foot In The Grave S02 E05 - Love and Death - According to Jim on Dailymotion

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00:00You

00:30I

01:00Don't know where to put my face

01:02It doesn't seem to have put you off finding words for this brain teaser

01:06Key word undemocratic. What have you got?

01:10mount mate moan mound

01:14Ride rude crude nude

01:18Ride rude crude nude

01:22Ride rude crude nude

01:26Ride rude crude nude

01:30Rod run not rat

01:33Nice cute round dome and door mice

01:38I'm avoiding well, you can't wonder at it. We're stuck under your nose all the while

01:43I'm go anywhere these days evidently

01:46I told you about these two waitresses. I heard discussing their boyfriends in the pizza hut the other day discussing their boyfriends dimensions

01:54What do you think what dimensions look they weren't comparing hat sizes

02:03I'm putting up my salad bowl. Thank you very much

02:06To get a complex about it. You are what God made you exactly. I mean we don't even know

02:15You mean what God made me

02:18What's that supposed to mean?

02:20I'm not getting any complexes

02:23Glad to hear it. Nothing to get complexes about

02:29I don't believe these letters listen to this one

02:32Dear auntie Lucy

02:34Although we are both over 70 my husband and I still enjoy normal relations every Saturday night with the help of painkillers

02:41My husband is a little confused as to the subject of contraception and always keeps his cap on as a precaution

02:48Ten pound letter

02:51Why do people want to talk about things like that?

02:55Well with some people that's all they can do is talk. That's all some people are capable of

03:03What's the matter with you suddenly nothing what nothing

03:18Oh

03:20Another half hour. We'll be there bleak house with April and Vince

03:26Suppose anything will run to his usual form same as it always does whenever we're down there for a weekend

03:30She'll laugh like a simpleton and everything

03:32I say but no apparent reason while he goes out the back and talks to his cucumbers

03:39Thought when they moved down the coast to open a boarding house we got rid of them forever more but no

03:43Boarding house is more like a wildlife kingdom

03:46Things you see darting about round their skirting boards

03:50Inspecting the mattress is like a day out at Chessington Zoo in itself

03:56I

03:58Expect they'll put us up in that pokey little attic room again where you have to open the fan light to take your vest off

04:07Sorry

04:10Sorry

04:12I didn't say anything

04:14You were about to tell me to for God's sake give it a rest and stop moaning

04:18You go ahead if it makes you feel better

04:33Here we are you're dining with us tonight just

04:39Sorry

04:44Sorry about that she's next doors she can smell the fish stain on the chair

04:59Yes, of course we haven't seen the pair of you since he retired

05:05Okay

05:07We have our ups and downs, you know, oh, I love him to bits your Victor, don't you?

05:12I only have to look at him and he makes me laugh. It's the way he keeps coming out with things

05:16Yes, he does tend to

05:21Over here, we're at the captain's table everything all right for you

05:25Generally speaking. No, I've just been into the bathroom in the top landing and discovered a dead seagull in the lavatory

05:34It doesn't matter

05:36He's got that dry wet. I'm not joking. It's in there. I lifted up the seat and there it was staring at me

05:44One of his feet caught in that little lemon freshener thing

05:50I'm being serious for God's sake

05:56It must have flown through the window and fallen in the bowl

06:01Well, I didn't imagine it had come out of someone's bottom I

06:06Just wanted to know what you were going to do about it out of general academic interest

06:12There's a dead seagull in the top toilet, will you see to it, please?

06:27Sorry, I thought with Forsyth had just walked into the room

06:32I love him to bits. I'm sure right both of you Margaret. There's plenty more

06:45Sorry about that must be the cat I think I'm allergic

06:50Oh

06:59Gosh that's when this bed was last time. Look at this Frank. I feel she taught me how to you do

07:07Hard as a brick as usual

07:10What's that? What I saw something just scuttled across the top of that tall boy there

07:16The next time I come here, I'm gonna pack my elephant gun

07:21Are you kidding that brandy did you some good?

07:26What side do you want to sleep on I don't mind with

07:50a

08:02Show yeah, but you got rid of that. All right. Yes, of course those swing bin liners aren't made for comrades

08:10Tie them up and the beak keep sticking through

08:12Oh

08:19You'll have to get me some more of those anti-estimate well, I'll put their poison down by the nest

08:23I don't think they'll be doing it again. You give me a hand

08:26Put this back

08:36Didn't realize

08:40It's not here

08:43Talking yeah, you don't think we cannot find

08:56Good night Petra. Good night Marie. Good night

09:12Remaining apparently these two girls seem very nice speak very good English. We were just having a chat in the bathroom. Oh

09:21Yes, what about made you foam at the mouth whatever it was

09:27The usual was it

09:30Dimensions. Oh

09:33Damn and there's me forgot to pack the steel ruler again

09:38What steel ruler the one that's gone rusty through lack of use

09:56Breakfast nothing, but the best for Victor. There you go. There's coffee fruit juice

10:04We to big soggy with honey nice runny egg and a toasty crispy bun all done to a turn

10:12size of voting

10:17You make me laugh, oh by the way Margaret left early she's going to do some shopping and some sightseeing

10:26Sleep

10:28Yes, very well

10:32By the way

10:34Vince wants to see you later in the garden got something for you. Really. What is it?

10:40My lips are sealed

10:47How are you today darling, how's my topsy you'd like a nice little drink wouldn't you gosh you would

10:56Oh

11:05Good morning, my tasty greens time for breakfast. I haven't forgotten you there we are

11:15They hear every word you say, you know that every word

11:20And you respond as well. Don't you my little darling? Hey, I

11:24I don't suppose you've ever grown an organic cucumber

11:29Can't say I have Vince no, no, but it's not something you should dabble it unless you know what you're doing

11:35Who I've got something for you a little retirement present. It's down here

11:40Hey, yeah, what is it an organic compost heap?

11:44It's just a little something I ran up myself. You might like it

11:48You might not yeah, what do you think of that?

12:04Yes, it's a it's a gravestone

12:11You haven't got one already

12:19Six weeks he took me to do that

12:22I'm quite pleased with this grow work round the top. Yeah, very tricky that I'm slipped with a chisel. He bollocksed up the host

12:33Don't know what to say Vince I

12:36Suppose it might seem a bit morbid in some people's eyes, but I mean that's money. You won't have to fork out later on

12:42I guess that always used to be my trade stone masonry. I thought why not good quality piece of marble. They appreciate that

12:50Shame you haven't got your car with you still you can always leave it here with me until you need it

12:57Yes

13:00Yes, well perhaps I'll do that then Vince

13:05Thank you very much, you're very welcome

13:11Oh

13:20Have you been all day joyriding about the place

13:23There you know down the front round the shops bought a few cards

13:27About you me nothing much. I was force-fed wheat a big puree and sent us to death

13:35today really

13:41Oh

14:12Victor what are you doing? Take that off your head boiling Margaret? I have just put superglue on that glass

14:20Oh

14:40Brilliant

14:42Absolutely brilliant I

14:45Just wish for this to round off the day

14:47I prayed for this moment this joyous moment where I've got a a glass full of ink of bitter

14:53Welded to my forehead for all eternity

15:07They'll get it off in no time at all

15:14I

15:22Manage all right in the toilet. Yes. Thank you one hand. Yes. Thank you. I

15:38Suppose you can see their point. It's not an actual emergency as such

15:45And if we'd gone off and got stuck in the rush hour you'd only have felt worse

15:50Then says you'll drive you down to casualty first thing you feel better after a night's sleep. I expect so yes

16:09Oh, yes

16:11Very nice

16:14Must have taken you ages

16:16Officer I haven't filled in the second date on it. Thank you know

16:20When I'm going to go to give me a shout

16:23Soon knock that off for you

16:27No

16:30You know darling you I reckon it won't be long now will it

16:38Sorry

16:41Oh

16:44There we are there's your receipt and there's some ointment for your wrists and ankles

16:49It's very good most of the guests swear by it in that room

16:56They think you'd be down there alone then well I dropped him off at 9 it was like a madhouse then so

17:03Told me I'd better not wait. He'd make his own way back. Oh

17:06That's out of him now

17:10Oh Vince have we got some powder for the mattress in number seven

17:22No problems with the glass in what glass

17:27No, they have a special solvent they use it didn't take more than five minutes I

17:32Thought I'd walk back along the front then I met Petra Marie

17:36What's that on your neck? What that on the side of your neck? Where oh?

17:42Do you know where I got that in the bathroom last night? I thought I felt one of them bite me then

17:51Things just as well I got some more of this spray before they choose all to black

18:01I

18:10Use the shower

18:12But he's full of them chest money. Oh, what is the word?

18:17Nietzsche

18:18Nietzsche Oh midges. Oh, I've got a very thing here stand back. I'll deal with this. Oh, yeah

18:25There we go

18:32I

18:37Think they say they are on at the winter gardens

18:40With very clean

19:00I hope your private parts because

19:11Margaret open this door. What's going on? Do tell me I suppose this is called proving your manhood is it?

19:18What are you talking about?

19:21display of lust and lechery with Dracula's daughters

19:27Open this door. I'm not sure that I dare to such a rampant super stallion

19:36Nothing you can do anything about evidently

19:40Right, but I might as well go home. Shall I don't seem to be able to do anything here

20:10I

20:41I

20:56Found these but they're a bit strong. I do knock you out. Oh

21:01Thanks

21:03This beds ever so hard. Why don't you have our bed? We're sleeping here tonight. No, no, no, I'll be fine

21:09Come on you'll be more comfortable and there's thicker curtains won't let the light in what time is it?

21:17Margaret it's just gone ten. I stopped worrying about him. I mean it was just one of those things

21:23You didn't know he was gonna be beaten up by midgets

21:30Expecting a beyond bar now you can give him a ring in the morning

21:39Oh

21:46Yes, wait a minute, this is April blue it yes got something here I think belongs to you

21:56He's not making a lot of sense we found in a public lavatory making seagull noises in future try and keep an eye on him

22:03Oh

22:07We must get you upstairs and get you undressed

22:33Oh

23:03I

23:34Oh

23:38My fishing trousers I forgot to bring them up don't you go down there disturbing both the fun

23:44I can't go fishing without my fishing trousers

23:53You got my love much nicer in my bed, wasn't it? I

23:57I won't tell Margaret about last night the our little secret

24:27I

24:35Thought you'd gone home. Um, no, I came back in the end. Yeah, I slept on the sofa. Oh

24:46Are you all right? Yes you yes

24:50The

24:53Taxi's just coming. Yes. I know. Why don't you take these down? I'll be with you in a second

24:58I've just got one last job to take care of

25:11Good morning, my love. I thought you might be hungry after last night's exertion

25:16Oh

25:19That's very kind of you I've already eaten I think I've got everything

25:23Soggy wheat of eggs with honey ruddy eggs orange juice coffee. Yes. There we are

25:31In bed Oh nearly forgot

25:35Hot toasted bun

25:37Oh

25:44The next time you take advantage of my body it'll be under that gravestone

25:56Did you say goodbye to April for me

25:59Yes

26:01Strange it's the first time she didn't burst into laughter

26:07Oh, could you stop here just a minute, please

26:25Oh good morning, Marvin

26:37Oh

26:43Should be home by seven I thought perhaps might have an early night tonight

One Foot In The Grave S02 E05 - Love and Death

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