- 12/14/2023
These action figures left plenty to be desired. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re looking at official movie action figures that probably shouldn’t exist.
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00:00 Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.
00:02 Good luck.
00:04 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're looking at official movie action figures that probably shouldn't exist.
00:10 Some damn soul, cursed to ride the earth, collecting on the devil's deals.
00:17 Number 10. Dennis Nedry, Jurassic Park.
00:21 Ah, ah, ah, you didn't say the magic word.
00:25 Please! Goddammit! I hate this hack of crap!
00:29 Jurassic Park is full of iconic characters with immediately recognizable outfits.
00:34 Ian Malcolm, Alan Grant, and Ellie Sattler were all a big part of the first film's success,
00:40 with each returning for later installments.
00:42 One character who entered the film as quickly as he exited was Dennis Nedry,
00:47 a computer programmer portrayed by Seinfeld actor Wayne Knight.
00:51 You shouldn't use my name.
00:52 You know who this is?
00:54 Dodgson! Dodgson! We've got Dodgson here!
00:58 Nobody cares.
00:59 Nonetheless, a Dennis figure was made, although we wouldn't have been able to tell without his name on the box.
01:05 The toy strangely makes the character into a typical action hero,
01:08 not resembling Knight or his character's wardrobe.
01:12 According to the product description, the figure comes with "trank spray gun" and "dino damage arm."
01:19 What that means is anyone's guess.
01:22 We just wanted a shaving cream accessory.
01:24 Customs can even check it if they want to.
01:26 Let me see.
01:26 Go on.
01:28 There's enough coolant inside for 36 hours.
01:30 No menthol?
01:31 The embryos have to be back here in San Jose by then.
01:34 Number 9. Farmer Luke.
01:36 Star Wars Episode IV, "A New Hope."
01:39 Luke, tell your uncle if he gets a translator to be sure it speaks Baji.
01:44 Doesn't look like we have much of a choice, but I'll remind him.
01:46 It's hard to say which film franchise has the most merchandise associated with it,
01:50 but we're pretty sure Star Wars would make the top ten.
01:53 The franchise's action-packed lightsaber battles and unique spaceships make tie-in toys a no-brainer.
02:00 But other parts of the franchise are a little less marketable.
02:03 The only concern is to prepare those new droids for tomorrow.
02:06 In the morning, I want them up there on the South Ridge working on those condensers.
02:10 Take, for example, Luke Skywalker's days as a moisture farmer.
02:14 A pretty boring era in the Star Wars protagonist's life, and yet there's a toy for that.
02:19 The 30th anniversary farmer Luke toy comes with a moisture farming machine bigger than the character.
02:25 It also comes with a lightsaber, which doesn't make any sense,
02:28 but we're not sure any kid would have bought it otherwise.
02:31 What is it?
02:32 Your father's lightsaber.
02:35 This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight.
02:38 Not as clumsy or random as a blaster.
02:41 Number 8. Various. Hook.
02:44 Prepare to die, P-Doc.
02:45 To die would be a great adventure.
02:47 This is the only adventure you have left.
02:49 Titles like E.T., Jaws, and Jurassic Park have made director Steven Spielberg a household name.
02:55 Lesser known, but still beloved by audiences, is his 1991 interpretation of Peter Pan called Hook.
03:02 Your children love you.
03:04 They want to play with you.
03:07 How long do you think that lasts?
03:08 The toys that spawn from this film are less beloved by fans or anyone else.
03:14 Although the toy lines made were official and had to have been approved by someone,
03:18 they look more like cheap knockoffs.
03:21 The film's logo is given excess design elements on the figure's cardboard backers,
03:26 and the characters themselves look nothing like the actors who portray them.
03:30 It's unclear just why these toys are so bad,
03:33 but given how protective star Robin Williams was of his image,
03:37 it's unlikely that we'll be seeing better ones anytime soon.
03:40 So, your adventures are over.
03:43 Oh no.
03:45 To live.
03:47 To live will be an awfully big adventure.
03:49 Number 7.
03:50 NECA Roy Burns.
03:52 Friday the 13th, A New Beginning.
03:54 Oh, hey, you okay?
03:56 It's them damn enchiladas!
03:58 The fifth installment of Friday the 13th, A New Beginning introduced audiences to Roy Burns,
04:04 a father who went insane and began a killing spree inspired by the series' usual killer, Jason Voorhees.
04:11 The character and film were maligned by many critics,
04:14 and received a mixed to poor reaction from fans.
04:17 Jason Voorhees is dead!
04:19 His body was cremated, he's nothing but a handful of ash!
04:22 Nonetheless, a NECA action figure actually exists of the character,
04:26 and it's pretty high quality.
04:28 The figure has an incredibly detailed face,
04:30 his version of Jason's signature hockey mask,
04:33 and an arsenal of miniature weapons.
04:35 It's the ideal gift for any completionist fan,
04:38 begrudgingly collecting every iteration of the franchise's masked killer.
04:42 That said, we can't help but be a little insulted that so much effort went into the toy for such a reviled character.
04:49 What the hell's going on here?
04:51 You talking to me, Sheriff?
04:54 Huh?
04:56 Oh, I thought you was talking to me.
04:58 Number 6.
04:59 Bob the Goon.
05:00 Batman.
05:01 See what he knows about this Batman.
05:04 And Bob.
05:07 Side characters never really get the respect they deserve.
05:10 More often than not, the heroes and villains of superhero films will get multiple toys made of themselves,
05:15 while henchmen, friends, and even love interests are left with no action figure representation.
05:21 This was surprisingly not the case for Tim Burton's Batman,
05:24 for which a toy was made of the Joker's goon, Bob.
05:28 Remember, you are my number one guy.
05:36 Unfortunately, Bob may have been wishing he was left out of this particular toy line.
05:41 Although the cardboard backing card features a cool, mostly accurate illustration of the character,
05:46 the figure itself leaves a lot to be desired.
05:49 His hair doesn't quite cover his head, his eyes are expressionless dots, and his wrinkles are plentiful.
05:56 Bob, done.
06:04 Going to need a minute or two alone, boys.
06:06 Number 5.
06:07 Chain Attack Ghost Rider.
06:09 Ghost Rider.
06:10 You're going to have to trust me.
06:12 Why is that?
06:14 He may have my soul, but he doesn't have my spirit.
06:20 Superhero films and action figures go hand in hand.
06:23 So much so that tie-in toys are made even when a movie is universally disliked by fans and critics alike.
06:30 In the case of Ghost Rider, the film's quality was a perfect match for its strange, awkward toys.
06:36 And you'll find me there.
06:39 The spirit of vengeance.
06:42 Fighting fire with fire.
06:44 Now, we're not saying all Ghost Rider toys are bad,
06:48 but Hasbro's Chain Attack action figure is certainly one of the worst.
06:52 The head sculpt looks more like a bored David Swimmer than it does the film's star, Nicolas Cage,
06:57 and it's comically dwarfed by the figure's giant arms and shoulders.
07:02 Luckily, the toy comes with an interchangeable head,
07:05 so you can swap out the regular Johnny Blaze for the considerably better flaming Ghost Rider skull.
07:10 This is how legends are born.
07:13 Number 4.
07:17 Atari Leatherface.
07:19 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
07:21 "The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history."
07:28 "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
07:31 Have you ever wanted to own a figure of Leatherface who was ready for St. Patrick's Day?
07:35 If so, you're in luck.
07:37 NECA has just the right figure for you.
07:39 The iconic antagonist from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was painted to match his Atari video game counterpart.
07:46 Or, at least, that was the intention.
07:48 "I just can't take no pleasure in killing."
07:50 The Atari Leatherface is super simplistic, with a tan face, solid colored body, and black shoes.
07:56 But he's more often shown wearing blue rather than green.
07:59 In addition to the strange Leatherface, NECA also made Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger into their video game likenesses.
08:07 They use similarly limited color palettes, but are still leagues better than the Hulk-colored Leatherface,
08:13 who likely only appeals to completionist collectors.
08:16 "You boys don't want to go mess around the old house. Those things is dangerous. You'll likely get hurt."
08:23 Number 3. The Meat. Rocky.
08:26 "Lil' stick? That's right, it's sticks!"
08:30 Rocky is one of the most well-known and celebrated sports dramas of all time.
08:35 The original film has inspired several sequels and was selected for the United States National Film Registry.
08:40 A movie with that kind of impact, unsurprisingly, has a pretty substantial merchandise line, featuring shirts, boxing gloves, and even action figures.
08:49 "You don't wanna know." "Yeah, I wanna know how come." "You wanna know?" "I WANNA KNOW!"
08:54 Although an action figure of Rocky himself is a given, you may be surprised to learn that his favorite sparring partner was also given a figure.
09:02 And we're not talking about Apollo Creed.
09:04 For some reason, the slab of meat Rocky uses to practice with was actually given its own action figure, sold separately from any actual character.
09:14 It's definitely one of the most baffling movie tie-in toys ever made.
09:19 "It's getting cold in here. I think I'm going home." "COLD IN HERE? IT IS COLD IN HERE! A STICK IN MY HAND CAN STING!"
09:25 Number 2. Big Bite Fred. The Flintstones.
09:29 "Mother, Fred is a loving husband and a good provider." "Oh really? What has he ever provided you besides shade?"
09:38 Did you know there was a live-action Flintstones movie in the 90s? Its stars would probably prefer if you forgot.
09:44 Not only was the film panned by critics, but it also inspired a pretty questionable line of tie-in toys.
09:50 "Ah, I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in 'em?"
09:58 One of those toys was Big Bite Fred, an action figure whose main action was to eat.
10:04 In order to play with the toy, made in the likeness of John Goodman, you had to place food into his hand and lift a lever on his body.
10:11 This lever then caused Fred to unhinge his jaw, revealing a comically large mouth to consume the prehistoric food items.
10:19 "You know, Fred, I hear that eating too much red meat is bad for you." "What a load of buck. My father ate it every day of his life. He lived to the ripe old age of 38."
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10:44 Number 1. Jorg Skogl. Star Wars franchise.
10:48 "How do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?" "Don't say that, Master. You're the closest thing I have to a father."
10:54 The Star Wars franchise is full of silly names. A character named Droopy McCool is seen playing music for Jabba the Hutt.
11:02 Savage Opress is said to be Darth Maul's brother, and Elon Sleazebagino is, well, a sleazebag.
11:08 "You wanna buy some death sticks?" "You don't want to sell me death sticks." "I don't want to sell you death sticks."
11:13 "You want to go home and rethink your life." "I want to go home and rethink my life."
11:18 Few names in the universe feel quite as lazy as Jorg Skogl, however.
11:22 This character, based on creator George Lucas, was turned into a toy and given out at the second major Star Wars convention, Celebration 2.
11:30 In case you haven't caught on, "Jorg" is just a misspelling of "George," and "Skogl," just Lucas backwards.
11:37 The toy's head does resemble Lucas, but the body appears to just be recycled from other Star Wars figures.
11:44 "Luke, help me take this mask off."
11:49 Did you have a favorite or least favorite movie tie-in toy growing up? Tell us about it in the comments.
11:55 "Batman's battle against crime never ends, and now you can bring the action home." "Batman, catch him!"
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12:09 [music]
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