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The Little Magic
  • 11/12/2023

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
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00:27 Horse racing. Color, thrills, excitement.
00:30 This is truly the sport of kings.
00:33 Today, horse racing has become a science.
00:35 A science to test the skill of the professional and unprofessional handicapper.
00:41 The well-informed turf man must know the individual merits of the competing horses.
00:45 He must consider all the elements.
00:47 Wind velocity, humidity, rotation of the earth, time of day, temperature, drift indication, lay of the land.
00:55 Racing horses are called thoroughbreds, all descending from pure Arabian stock.
01:00 And are known to the fan as hay burners, goats, dogs, and bangtails.
01:13 Ah, the system horse is snapshot the third.
01:17 Now to properly evaluate the fine points of a horse's conformation,
01:20 first see that the quarter, stifle, hock, gaskin, and pastern are all in line.
01:24 See that the cannon bone is due south and slightly to the rear of the coupling point of the hip.
01:28 See that the loin throat latch is well sloped into the e pluribus unum of the maxillary hip joint muzzle at the turn of the fetlock or T-bone.
01:35 Beware of a flexor perforatus imperfectly imbricated with an avicular session or front one.
01:39 Make doubly sure that the triangle formed by the withers, girth place, and flank prime ribs
01:43 is an extreme opposite of the equilateral hexagon formed by the loin chuck, coronary withers, and girth place.
01:47 Then check the withers, forearm brisket, against the pasterns and fetlock chestnut.
01:50 Observe the shoulder width of the gaskin brisket throw as in Jordan's, it's ratio of four to one.
01:52 Compare the integration of the front latch cannon bone overly outstretched with the medium up and forward of the brisket flank inflate.
01:56 So much for confirmation.
01:58 Now look at the pedigree of your horse.
02:00 Snapshot the third, out of developer by hypo-developer, out of bromide by flash bulb and hypo, out of tin type by negative.
02:08 Since tin type the first, horses of this line have been noted for their burning speed.
02:13 And they are also noted as camera muggers or lens lousers.
02:19 Ah, weather clear, track fast.
02:22 Once inside the clubhouse, you are instantly aware that you're rubbing elbows with the elite of the sporting world.
02:30 You'll hear a good deal of discussion as to the respective merits of this horse or that, but you will not be tempted by the talks.
02:37 You stick to your goodie, snapshot the third.
02:40 There are many systems of picking a winner.
02:43 Some fans get their dope straight from the feedback.
02:47 Others right from the horse's mouth.
02:49 Listen, doc, there's a big filly in the toad that's looking pretty good to me.
02:57 Horses are coming out on the track. Ah, what a sight.
03:04 There's your horse, the favorite, every inch a champion.
03:13 Look at that confirmation.
03:16 It looks like our psychic friend is going to pick himself a horse.
03:21 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
03:24 Moe, moe.
03:26 Moe, moe, that's it, old moe, the hundred to one shot.
03:32 The hundred to one shot.
03:34 Two dollars on old moe, please.
03:59 The horses are entering the starting gate. The atmosphere is electric.
04:03 The cameramen are ready, the press is ready, the jockeys and mounts are keyed to the last notch of excited tenseness.
04:08 Ah, this is a great moment. The crowd is hushed.
04:11 High overhead, the judges are ready and, and they're off.
04:15 At the start, it's insomnia in front by a head, flannel cake is second by a half, crankcase is third by two lengths,
04:23 baker's cousin is fourth by an O's, plumber's friend and old moe.
04:26 Snapshot refused to break.
04:29 Around the clubhouse turn, it's flannel cake on the rail by four lengths,
04:38 insomnia second by a head, crankcase is third by a length and a half, and beeswax.
04:43 Old moe is trailing.
04:53 Turning into the back stretch, it's still flannel cake by, and here comes Snapshot, closing very fast.
04:58 Look at that horse come, looks like a quarterback sneak.
05:00 One interference, five, ten, fifteen yards, and he's smeared, smeared hard.
05:04 He's trying to find an opening, but they've got him boxed in.
05:06 No, he's away. Boy, oh boy, it's been a long time since we've seen a show like this.
05:11 That horse has speed to burn. It's Snapshot all the way. He's just tiptoeing.
05:18 Insomnia second by two lengths, plumber's friend is third by a head,
05:22 boater house is fourth by an O's, Snapshot broke down.
05:25 Into the stretch, it's insomnia in front by a head, plumber's friend is second by a neck,
05:30 cheeseburger is third by one, crankcase is fourth by two lengths,
05:33 KO justice is fifth by a head, bubble bath is sixth by a length and a half,
05:37 and Snapshot is coming again.
05:40 He's fifth, he's fourth, he's third, he's second, and he takes the lead.
05:47 And out of the pack comes Old Mo.
05:50 It's Old Mo and Snapshot, it's Old Mo and Snapshot, baffling it out neck to neck.
05:59 It's a driving finish, it's Old Mo and Snapshot.
06:03 And now it's Snapshot by an O's. They're coming across the line of finish, and Snapshot...
06:08 But wait, it's going to be a photo finish.
06:14 And the winner, Old Mo, the hundred to one shot.
06:19 Snapshot just couldn't resist the camera.
06:22 Tough luck, old pal, you can't win every time.
06:26 Or can you?
06:29 (upbeat music)
06:32 (upbeat music)
06:34 (upbeat music)