Relationships: Breaking the Blame Cycle

Relationships: Breaking the Blame Cycle - as part of the expert series by GeoBeats. A lot of people do not realize that blame and criticism are the number one relationship destroyers and when Gay and I first got together, we actually made a commitment to each other that we would simply stop blaming and criticizing because we saw that the, it is actually kind of an addiction when you blame and criticize. What happens in your body is that you get a rush of adrenaline, you get this kind of ha ha ha, moment of glee. And the pay off for blaming and criticizing is you get a moment of feeling that you are right, and that moment is incredibly addictive. People do not realize that that adrenaline rush really is so much stronger then any other kind of medication or chemical that scientist have been able to synthesize. So that addiction is really a central one to stop in your relationship, if you want to have a really thriving, close, love full relationship. So the commitment is really the first step. Making a full bodied, whole hearted commitment to ending blame and criticism. Usually under that urge to blame and criticize is something that you are afraid of and maybe also something that you want that you have not asked for. So somebody might criticize when you know like. you never help me with the dishes and it would be easier and more fruitful for your relationship if you said , you know I feel sad and kind of alone when I am out here in the kitchen and I would really love to have your company either while I am making dinner or, you know, helping me with dinner or lets do dishes together because I do not want to be out here by myself, and I find myself feeling angry and resentful. So underneath blame and criticism is almost always a feeling. You can either feel sad, angry or scared. Or maybe why all three and there is also something that you want, there is a request that you could make. And complaining and hoping that your partner is going to get the message is not the same as actually sharing your feeling. Which will bring you closer and also asking for what you want. The worst thing that can happen is that your partner may have a dumb founded look on their face or may say no I do not want to do that. But it opens the communication between you rather than you withdrawing behind resentments that build up. So blame and criticism is something you need to stop and you can do many other things instead of that. Including share a feeling and share what it is you really want.