The Conners-S3E4-360P

Mind Melt tv

📺 Episode Summary: It’s Beverly Rose’s first birthday, and Becky wants to throw a party to celebrate. But she and Emilio clash over what kind of celebration is appropriate, revealing deeper tensions in their relationship.  Meanwhile, Jackie meets someone new who’s interested in being more than just friends, adding a quirky romantic twist to her storyline.  The episode balances heartfelt family moments with classic Conner-style humor, as the characters navigate parenting, relationships, and emotional baggage—with a few chickens thrown in for good measure

Transcript

00:00any good news in there yeah it says older gentlemen live longer when fed

00:11you totally spoiled him by making him breakfast every morning

00:16no i find when he's full he's tired it doesn't give me no lip

00:20that's right you don't want to see me hungry there used to be another kid around here

00:25there's a problem with the chickens the problem is that we have chickens i'm really worried

00:32they've stopped laying eggs there was only one this morning if they're on strike let's send a

00:37message by barbecuing the ring leader morning everybody uh-oh darlene's in a good mood you

00:45better move your weed out of that face cream jar how do you know it's in my face cream jar relax i

00:51was just trying to steal your face cream hey i do not need to be stoned to be in a good mood

00:57exercise and a job well done is the best time you can get

01:01that just tells me that there's a whole class of drugs you haven't tried yet

01:06what are we gonna do about the chickens we've had them but no one's ever taken a minute to learn how

01:13to care for them if we didn't do it for our kids we're not gonna do it for chickens uh you know my

01:18brother neville is a vet he mostly works on big animals but i don't think he'd charge us to come

01:24over and take a look that would be great they're my emotional support chickens that may be a sign

01:30i'm failing him as a parent i didn't know your brother was a vet yeah he's even on call at the zoo

01:37i thought lanford's doing our business it's still open beverly rose got bored because it's mostly

01:43empty cages but she did enjoy a rat fighting a crow over a cigarette butt

01:47hey i have great news you're still happy this is lasting minutes

01:57you're not gonna believe this i'm pregnant really yes really why would i joke about that

02:06i don't know sometimes you say things you think are funny but are just confusing but that doesn't

02:11matter because you're pregnant we can raise our babies together we can go to mommy and me and we

02:16don't have to talk to any of the other mothers at all and mark is great and harris is harris so

02:22this baby will be like the tiebreaker when did you find out i took a test this morning but i haven't

02:28had my period in two months and i've been feeling moody lately no no it's different than the usual

02:32there's ups not just down and downer oh ben must be so excited i can't wait to tell him i mean this

02:40couldn't come at a better time he told me he was okay with us not having a baby but i know he was

02:44just saying that to make me feel okay oh it means a lot that you told me first oh yeah well i wanted

02:50to show you that you're not the only one who can have a risky old lady pregnancy and i'm gonna have

02:55to have it right here on the afghan because we got no health insurance you're having a baby i'm having a baby

03:02i'm having a baby

03:10and then

03:12so

03:44We're a feminine, independent young woman, and you can't tell me who to marry.

03:48And also, you are a bear.

03:52Hey, sweet pea.

03:55Your daddy promised me that you'd be taking a nap at this time every day.

04:01Uh, either of you seen him?

04:035'10", dark hair, big liar?

04:07He tried to get Barry Rose to go to sleep.

04:14Ah!

04:17Emilio, how many times can we talk about this?

04:21If she doesn't nap, she's a nightmare for me when I get home.

04:23This is the only time I get to play with the baby.

04:26If you tell your papa that I'm here, I can come to your house.

04:29Are you out of your mind?

04:31If I tell him you snuck back into the States, he'll punch you back to Juarez.

04:35Well, you better tell him before the baby's birthday because we should have the party at your place.

04:40Why can't we have it here?

04:41It's just a cupcake with a candle in it.

04:44A cupcake and a candle?

04:45Do you hate the baby?

04:47Sometimes.

04:48Why?

04:50For my first birthday party, I was lowered down from the roof with angel wings onto a golden sprayed pony.

04:57Did they have your birthday at Burning Man?

05:00She's a one-year-old.

05:01She's not going to remember any of this.

05:03I don't want to waste all that money.

05:05But she will see the pictures.

05:07And when she grows up, she'll look back and see how loved she was.

05:10Eh, the Connors don't work that way.

05:13We assume we were loved, but it's kind of like a perfect crime.

05:16There's no hard evidence.

05:18I'm not a Connors.

05:20I'm Ian Rodriguez.

05:21And in my family, the first birthday is important.

05:25It's almost as important as the baptism.

05:29Hang on.

05:30I never agreed to any baptism.

05:32Wait.

05:33She's got to be Catholic.

05:34No, she doesn't.

05:36I'm not sure if I want to raise her in any specific religion yet.

05:40A child needs to have a religion.

05:42They have to think that God is watching or they'll do bad things.

05:47Like getting girls pregnant in freezers?

05:49Do you know how many Hail Marys that cost me?

05:52How about this?

05:53You can have a party, but don't make it crazy.

05:56You can have music, a cake, and a pinata.

05:58That's it.

05:59Okay.

06:01Well, what if I invited a priest to the party,

06:04and there was a punchbow filled with holy water,

06:06and he accidentally mistakes Beverly Rose for a cup and deeps her?

06:10You're really cute.

06:13No priest.

06:14That'll only attract God.

06:16And God has been trying to pick off the Connors one by one for years.

06:20If we're all in the same place at the same time,

06:22he only needs one lightning bolt to take us out.

06:25I want to make him work for it.

06:27Oh, man.

06:31I'm starving.

06:33That is good, because I made you lunch.

06:36Really?

06:38A trick?

06:39You take the first bite.

06:42Don't be silly.

06:42If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead.

06:48Oh.

06:49Well, look at that.

06:50It's an itty-bitty carrot and tiny corn and a candy bar.

06:56No.

06:57It's a baby carrot,

07:01a baby corn,

07:03and a baby Ruth bar.

07:05Yeah.

07:07Yeah.

07:11Come on.

07:12Use that big, furry brain of yours.

07:14What do all those things have in common?

07:17Uh,

07:18they're all disappointing when you're expecting lunch.

07:23You're so stupid.

07:25I'm sorry I'm having a baby with you.

07:28You're having a baby?

07:29Yup.

07:30No!

07:31Ah!

07:32Oh, my God!

07:35Yes!

07:36Yes!

07:37Oh, God!

07:38The best baby ever!

07:39Oh, man, you know,

07:40when the doctor said the odds were against this,

07:42and I said I'd be okay about not having one,

07:44but I was totally lying.

07:45Oh, man!

07:46Oh, man!

07:47Who's the mom?

07:48You're the mom!

07:50Oh!

07:53How are the chickens?

07:56This is Dr. Neville.

07:57He's Louise's brother.

07:58He's a vet.

07:58Okay.

07:59Don't pull any punches.

08:00I buried my sister.

08:02I can handle whatever's going on here.

08:03Dr. Neville says that the chickens need more protein.

08:07I think we've got weevils in the flour.

08:09I'll go strain them out.

08:11Oh.

08:12Oh, my God.

08:14Hi, Jackie.

08:15Oh, hi.

08:16Hi.

08:17You won't remember me,

08:19but I remember you.

08:21I used to watch you practice your rifle twirling.

08:24She did that in high school.

08:26You were two.

08:27Oh, he probably saw me in the park.

08:29I used to practice for parades

08:31when I was on the police drill team.

08:33Uh-huh.

08:34Well, if you ever start practicing again,

08:37I am a fan.

08:39Well, that's very sweet of you, Neville,

08:40but my performing days are behind me.

08:42You can't bring a rifle to a park like you used to.

08:47Hey, you know what?

08:48How about I stop by the diner

08:50with some vitamins for the chickens,

08:52and I'll bring a broom,

08:54and maybe you can teach me a couple of those twirls.

08:58Brooms are for beginners, Neville.

09:00You don't put Michael Phelps back in the kiddie pool.

09:02Good to see you.

09:04Great seeing you,

09:05and can't wait to catch up with you at the diner.

09:08Uh-huh.

09:11Well, well.

09:13Someone likes the crazy lady.

09:16I hope not,

09:17because I'm on a journey of self-discovery and reflection.

09:21I don't have time for any man.

09:22I'm trying to figure out why I'm such a mess.

09:24That's a relief.

09:26He's a really sweet guy.

09:28Hey, what are you trying to say?

09:29I don't deserve a sweet guy?

09:30You said you don't have time for men.

09:32You're right, I don't.

09:33I'm not in a place to date.

09:34Good.

09:35What the hell is that supposed to mean?

09:38Can't we all just agree

09:40that there's something wrong with you?

09:42Yes.

09:44Tell her.

09:51What are you doing here?

09:53I came to measure the backyard for the party.

09:55But I haven't told my dad yet.

09:57Well, why not?

09:58I'm waiting for the right time,

10:00but he's still alive.

10:02I'll go tell him right now.

10:04I'll do it.

10:05Just stay there.

10:11Hey there, Dad.

10:14Hey there, Becky.

10:17Look at that.

10:18The one time you're watching TV without a beer.

10:22That's too bad.

10:25What's up, Becky?

10:26Oh, nothing.

10:28Just feeling bad for Emilio.

10:31Getting dragged out of this country unfairly

10:34when all he wanted was the American dream.

10:37If he walks in here right now,

10:39I'm going to kill him.

10:40Okay, there's no good way to do this.

10:42Emilio!

10:42Hello, Dan.

10:46Hello, Emilio.

10:48My, oh, my.

10:49Has it been two years already?

10:51Because that's how long you were supposed to stay in Mexico

10:53before you could come back here legally.

10:55That's exactly what I said the night he showed up.

10:58It's crazy how alike we are.

10:59I love you, Dad.

11:00I, I understand why you're mad at me, Dan.

11:05Do you?

11:06Is it because you married my daughter behind my back?

11:09Or because you're risking being dragged away

11:11from your daughter for good?

11:12Or, see, all of the above.

11:15I already missed the year of Beverly Rose's life.

11:18I'm not going to miss more.

11:20I am here for her.

11:21No, no.

11:22You're here for you.

11:24She's going to go to bed every night

11:26wondering if you're going to be here tomorrow.

11:28Is that what you want?

11:30I'm not going back.

11:36Then we're done here.

11:37Then.

11:38Get out of my way, son.

11:42Dad, stop.

11:44Please.

11:46I know you're upset right now,

11:48but we're going to have a party for Beverly Rose,

11:50and if you kill him on her birthday,

11:52it's going to be hard for her every year.

11:54Not a problem.

11:56Because I'm not going.

12:00Hey, Jackie.

12:08Back again, I see.

12:09I know.

12:10But I couldn't help it.

12:12I found this little bird mirror to hang in your coop.

12:14I didn't want to hurt your feelings,

12:16so I let it slide when you came here with the chicken vitamins,

12:19and now you show up with this.

12:21I think it's time for you to look at yourself in the tiny mirror

12:23and ask yourself,

12:25what am I doing?

12:27I like you.

12:28I want to go out with you.

12:29Neville, I'm poison.

12:31The only common denominator in all of my failed relationships is me.

12:36Well, you just haven't found the right guy yet.

12:38Did you get kicked in the head by a horse?

12:41Nope.

12:41All right.

12:43All right.

12:44I didn't want to have to do this,

12:45but you and I are going to have to go out for coffee.

12:49You, me, and my demons.

12:51And we are going to start out with my childhood hatred of my mother.

12:55And then we're going to work our way up through my last failed relationship,

12:59which was a throuple.

13:00And then you're going to get up and say you have to go to the bathroom,

13:03and I'll never see you again,

13:05and that will be that.

13:07This is great.

13:08I know a place that has the best coffee.

13:11You, you got kicked.

13:15Hi, Dr. Davis.

13:17It's been 13 years since I was pregnant.

13:19Have the rules changed?

13:20Can I eat sushi, smoke, drink?

13:22Looking for something to take the edge off of this thing.

13:25I'm sorry, Darlene.

13:27You're not pregnant.

13:29What?

13:30Yes, I am.

13:31The stick said I was.

13:32You think you're smarter than a stick?

13:34I'm looking at your blood test.

13:36You got a false positive.

13:39Wow.

13:40Um, okay.

13:43Uh, well, I guess we'll just try again.

13:45One of the reasons you got a false positive is because your FSH levels are elevated.

13:50You're in perimenopause.

13:52Well, that's impossible.

13:53I'm too young to be in any sort of pause.

13:55I'm 43.

13:56That's not young.

13:59Look, I really think you should just test me again, okay?

14:02It's not going to change, Darlene.

14:04Well, I can still have kids, right?

14:06Uh, with your other issues, I'm afraid not.

14:09Uh, just give me a moment to get my notes together.

14:12What are you watching?

14:14End of my childbearing years.

14:16Is that a Lifetime movie?

14:18Is that Stanley Tucci?

14:19Is my dad here?

14:26No.

14:27He told me to call him when Emilio left.

14:29Hey, Aunt Becky.

14:30Check these balloons out.

14:32Oh, that is so cute.

14:34Custom balloons.

14:36Those are expensive.

14:36Well, at least when they fall into the ocean, the whales will be able to identify which little girl is choking them.

14:44Uh, yeah, I thought that, uh, you should know that your brother and I are going out for coffee,

14:51but I will prove to him that I'm a toxic cloud,

14:54and anyone who gets mixed up with me is headed for certain disaster.

14:58Do not agree with me!

15:04Hey, Becky, check out my dummy.

15:06Hey, Emilio rented him for me.

15:08I'm going to do a routine at the birthday party.

15:11We're doing a bit for the kids about why it's so important to wear masks.

15:14That's not why you're wearing masks.

15:16You just don't want anyone to see your lips moving.

15:18They're not moving.

15:19Watch.

15:20See?

15:21They're not moving at all.

15:23He really doesn't understand how this works.

15:27I got to talk to Emilio.

15:32Emilio, what are you doing?

15:34Well, you said I could have some music, a piñata, some games, and a cake.

15:39Well, you didn't say how much I could spend.

15:42This cake is crazy.

15:43Is another baby going to jump out of it?

15:47How much did all this cost?

15:49It doesn't matter.

15:51You could have put this money away for college.

15:53I told you I didn't want this big of a party.

15:56It is not just your decision.

15:58I'm the papa.

15:59I am tired of asking you for permission to do things for my daughter.

16:03You don't get it.

16:04I almost didn't tell you I was pregnant because I didn't want anyone else interfering with the way I raised my baby.

16:10You have all the guards.

16:15You have custody.

16:16I am undocumented.

16:18If you think I'm interfering, then why am I here?

16:22This is just hard for me.

16:29Okay?

16:31I went through the pregnancy alone.

16:33I've been raising her alone.

16:35And now, all of a sudden, you're here.

16:38And I'm not used to sharing her.

16:41I just want what's best for Beverly Rose.

16:47I know you do.

16:47You're a good dad.

16:55And the one thing that a good dad does is make sure that his daughter isn't living in hell for all of eternity because she wasn't baptized.

17:06Okay.

17:08Doesn't mean she's a Catholic.

17:10But we'll dunk her.

17:12And don't be surprised if she sizzles.

17:15It's just the Connor leaving her body.

17:23Hey, I got a little gift for Beverly Rose.

17:26All the toy stores are closed, so I hope she likes rice.

17:30I think she likes shaking the box, though.

17:31It's fun.

17:33Whoa!

17:35Hey, little mama.

17:38Shouldn't be drinking that.

17:39Baby will come out all Jimmy Buffett.

17:43Doesn't matter.

17:47I'm not pregnant.

17:48I would have told you yesterday I was looking for the right time, and there just isn't one.

17:56Oh, hey, that's okay.

17:58It's all right.

18:00We did it once.

18:01We can do it again.

18:02No.

18:03We can't.

18:04I'm in perimenopause.

18:05I'm in perimenopause.

18:07The doctor says that I can't have another baby.

18:12I should have known.

18:27Okay.

18:27I'm sorry.

18:33You know, I know how much you really wanted this baby.

18:36Oh, look.

18:37Hey.

18:38I only said all that stuff because I was excited.

18:41Okay?

18:42The only thing that matters is that I love you.

18:45I love you, too.

18:46Are you okay?

18:54Yeah.

18:55Yeah, I am.

18:57Are you really okay?

18:59Yes, absolutely.

19:04Are you lying?

19:05Yeah.

19:08Are you lying?

19:11Absolutely.

19:16Hey, if you guys don't want to be the godparents now, I'll understand.

19:24Oh, no.

19:25No, we'll be fine.

19:26Yeah.

19:26What exactly are our responsibilities again?

19:29Well, if Emilio and I die, you're supposed to continue the baby's religious life.

19:35So, you guys would be totally dead at that point, and you'd have no idea whether we actually did it or not?

19:41Yes.

19:42You can count on us.

19:43I'd like to welcome everyone who came here today to celebrate this gift from God.

19:51What name have you given your child?

19:54Beverly Rose.

19:55And what do you ask of God's church for her?

19:58We were hoping you could do the whole baptism thing on her.

20:02Eternal life.

20:04Can the godparents step forward?

20:13Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

20:21We can outrun Becky, but we'll never outrun Emilio.

20:25I know, Trace.

20:26The cross on your forehead.

20:30Almighty God, you sent your only son to rescue us from the slavery of sin.

20:38You came.

20:39I was on my way to the liquor store.

20:41I thought I'd drop by.

20:43Thanks for being here.

20:45I'm only doing this because years from now, she's going to look at those pictures, and I wanted to know that I loved her.

20:56Hey.

20:56Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late.

20:59I had to perform surgery.

21:00We just found out that the two-hump camel at the zoo is actually just a one-hump camel with the biggest tumor I've ever seen.

21:10Well, let's do this.

21:13Okay.

21:15My first memory is of my mother standing over my crib blaming me for not being a boy.

21:21And when I called her mommy, she said there's no reason for us to be so familiar.

21:30I'm tired.

21:47I'm going to take it.

21:48Bye.

21:49Bye.

21:50Bye.

21:51Bye.

21:52Bye.

21:54Bye.

21:55Bye.

21:56Bye.

21:57Bye.

21:59Bye.

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