00:00Sabrina 90's show, The True Adventures of Rudy Kazoody.
00:05It's always wholesome to see the ants playing games with each other.
00:09In the first episode, they played cards and now they're playing jigsaw puzzles.
00:13Zelda gives something to Hilda to be helpful.
00:16Hilda says that when you live a thousand years, jigsaw puzzles don't seem like a waste of time.
00:22I'm surprised she said don't.
00:25Good.
00:27Sabrina brags that she's getting good at making Libby drop her lunch tray in the cafeteria.
00:32Because she's done it to her three times in a row.
00:35So that's therefore escape is fantasy.
00:37Even though it'd be better to show a joke instead of say it.
00:41And to show her do something to deserve it first.
00:45Sabrina wants ice cream and because there's none, Hilda zaps them up.
00:49But Zelda uses magic to keep her from eating it because she'd ruin her appetite for supper.
00:54That's trying to do her a favor to be fair.
00:57But I've heard that eating sweet things expands your stomach so that you have room for dinner.
01:04And that's why they give you some sweet things before dinner at restaurants.
01:08And eventually Sabrina wants to get some skates so she uses magic while somehow thinking she needs a book to summon them.
01:15And she's disappointed at not getting exactly the brand she wanted.
01:19Hilda says they live under the iron fist of copyright laws ever since the witches way overdid the Gucci.
01:26So even though Sabrina imagined a specific brand of skates, her magic intentionally got her order wrong.
01:33On the one hand, this isn't how anyone would imagine witchcraft to be like.
01:38And it's depressing.
01:40So it defeats the purpose of this as escapism.
01:43On the other hand, it is realistic and it's the only way witches would be able to preserve capitalism by making it so that they literally can't zap up whatever food and service provider they want.
01:53As for why witches would care about this, it's easy to assume that it's because there's a witch who's CEO of Gucci and that this kind of thing happens a lot.
02:03There'd be witches all over the world and some of them would get jobs in companies.
02:07So they wouldn't want anything that hurts their bottom line.
02:10So they'd beg and bribe the witches council to get them to cast a spell that keeps witches from doing that.
02:16What nicer way to keep them from breaking the magic laws and making it impossible for them to do so even out of ignorance.
02:22Sabrina saying she doesn't care about labels is immediately contradicted by her saying that royal laws aren't the same thing.
02:30She isn't called out on this.
02:33And she gets told she has to get a job like the rest of them.
02:36I wasn't even told that her aunts had jobs.
02:40If they have jobs, we should have been told about that in the pilot.
02:44There's actually job offers in the high school and the easy ones get taken from Sabrina.
02:50Good thing she's nice enough to not use magic against them.
02:54She calls someone who wants a babysitter.
02:56I don't know why she gets told by the mother that she needs adult conversation.
03:01When she knows she's talking to a teenager.
03:04Eventually Harvey makes a study date with Sabrina.
03:07And Zelda prepares to go to parent-teacher night and refuses to bring the cat because it looked even weirder than her living with her sister.
03:14Hilda relatively doesn't want to go to parent-teacher night.
03:19Just like in an old comic.
03:21She even causes a blizzard off screen to try to get out of it.
03:24And Zelda just has to say her name to get it to stop.
03:27I guess people assume they hallucinated it.
03:30A lot of boring stuff happens later.
03:34It takes Harvey a little longer than usual for people to find the house.
03:39And he says that while the World Series would look great on the TV, he's here to study.
03:44He's so bored by the studying, I guess, that he immediately asks for snacks.
03:49So Sabrina goes into the other room and brings some knock-off snacks she zapped out.
03:54And all he wants is the Zelda because he assumes that Bran's he doesn't recognize tastes bad.
04:00So he's close-minded with food.
04:02I've heard that Hydrox tastes better than Oreos.
04:06I've also heard that Prongles tastes better than Pringles.
04:10It's kind of amusing that Sabrina goes from showing a baby the first page of the book to the last page.
04:16Saying, hello Moon, goodnight Moon.
04:19Harvey says he wants to be a dentist, which seems out of character.
04:22But is at least trying to develop him.
04:25I guess what Sabrina means by who doesn't like the dentist is, they like the dentist's service to other people.
04:31And people respect dentists.
04:34The baby cries again, and he takes an excuse to watch the World Series.
04:39Sabrina says to be a good boy twice, then she ends up finding out that she turned the baby into a man.
04:45I guess that makes sense because she said be a good boy, so she expressed her desire for him to grow up and pictured it for a fleeting second.
04:54Then when she tries to bring it back to normal, it somehow doesn't work.
05:00That's the moment where this episode starts to suck.
05:04I immediately understood that it was written to be funny.
05:07It's still dogshit writing from how insultingly forced this is.
05:11You can have comedy that makes sense, so there's really no excuse for the show being like this.
05:18Sabrina uses magic to cause a home run to keep Harvey distracted.
05:23Well that's nice of her.
05:25And after her padding, eventually she uses magic to make Harvey witness a grand slam.
05:30And somehow Zelda finds Mr. Poole attractive, and thankfully it's lampshaded that she needs to get out more.
05:36I'm glad she has the common sense to immediately tell the man she's interested in that they're sisters, not an alternative couple.
05:43And I'm glad this 90s sitcom was allowed to reference that in a kids show that got ruined by parent groups.
05:49I assume the reason she didn't go to her aunt was out of shame.
05:53But instead she tells Salem that she can't bring the adult baby to her school just because it's her school.
05:58So that's forced, because nobody she cares about the opinion of is going to find out about this.
06:04But Salem tells her that he can't help her because he's a cat.
06:08If Sabrina finds out some magic information that all witches should know, then Salem as a former witch would have less of an excuse for not telling it to her.
06:17But to be fair, since he's been unable to use magic for a while, maybe it's believable that he'd forget the way to undo these spells because he doesn't know why she can't undo it.
06:27Even if she realistically told him the details, he might not remember how to fix this, since it's so stupid that just pointing didn't work.
06:36It sounds like it's stupid to try to make a show out of something that's supposed to be five pages long per story.
06:43You know how they could have done it? Had a bunch of subplots, have a whole bunch of plots in the same story.
06:49He may have barely used spells that had you say something three times.
06:54I wish that was explained.
06:57I like that Hilda finds out that she had already discussed some chemical with Mr. Pool in a chat room. That's good for them.
07:04I like that Hilda gets to use magic again. She writes loser on the board telekinetically.
07:10The story doesn't have her aunts punish her for the mistakes she made or even act annoyed with her, or lecture her about using her magic at the wrong time.
07:19They only glared at her about how she pointlessly tried to pretend she wasn't trying to simulate a date with Harvey, and she deserved that for being dishonest.
07:28I assume that they're going easy on her because they know it was an accident.
07:32The story made it clear that this isn't the only reason they're going easy on her while they'd be mad at her for using magic otherwise.
07:38The same episode had them be fine with her saying that she's abusing magic on Whibby.
07:43But the real reason I didn't hate this episode was that the writer had the common sense to not make her aunts brutally unlikable and overshadow any positive memories of the story.
07:54Congratulations, Joe, for not being like the worst piece of shit parts of the series.
08:00You get a gold star.
08:02But because those parts existed, I now feel like praising to high heavens what I should be taking as a given.
08:08That these main characters in a comedy were likable.
08:12Somehow Sabrina doesn't really know what she could have done to make this happen and gets lucky that the adult said be a big boy since he didn't say anything else.
08:22He's an adult baby.
08:24He doesn't know English.
08:26So it's really a miracle that he knew to say this.
08:30She's told what she did and one of her aunts demonstrates it by selfishly summoning a celebrity so he could underreact to it because celebrities would get this from witches all the time, I guess.
08:40Sabrina's told she has to say it backwards to reverse his spell.
08:45And it doesn't reverse right away even though it makes more sense than it would because it was instant the first time.
08:52I guess it was worth it because it was mildly amusing to see him leave and walk around babbling with his hands waving and get scolded by a name for eating cookies that weren't meant for him.
09:04Which was smart of him to do.
09:06Of course, I'm also glad that his name is so silly.
09:10Harvey says that she's missing a freaky game she caused.
09:15Too bad the show didn't show it to us.
09:18Sabrina does a spell to make the game not captivating anymore.
09:22It makes the aunts look bad that they forced a celebrity to play a game with them and he asks if he can go now.
09:28To be fair, I'd rather them have believable, relatable selfishness than be extremely self-righteous about magic use.
09:38That would completely miss the point of escapism.
09:41If you were to fantasize about being all-powerful, of course you wouldn't want that.
09:48Sabrina looks no better by summoning a celebrity and somehow he's not totally freaked out about it.
09:54This makes sense because in a world with such irresponsible witches, celebrities would get used to this and after the first time convince himself that he's passed out from substance abuse and is dreaming.
10:04It makes sense because by saying the name three times, you're extending the amount of time you're spending on paying attention to the thing you're talking about.
10:13And I already established that witches are racist against mortals, so that's why the Witches Council wouldn't forbid or punish warping celebrities to you.
10:21Also, they'd assume any witnesses to the celebrities getting warped away would come to a conclusion other than witches did it, like Satan did it.
10:28And they wouldn't know which witch did it either way.
10:31So even in superstitious countries, the witches wouldn't need to care.
10:35And putting every part of the Earth under surveillance for the sake of erasing memory of magic would be more effort and way too expensive compared to not caring.
10:43When maybe all they'd have to do to surveil the magic of witches is not even literally watch what they're doing, but just have their pointer finger be cursed so that what they're doing with it is recorded because it records their brainwaves.
11:00Mortals are shown to be weirdly clueless to magic in this show.
11:04Jenny should have figured out Sabrina from seeing a cup rotate when she pointed at it, so witches would underestimate mortals' intelligence.
11:12This was written by Carrie Honigblum and Renee Phillips.
11:17This episode was about Sabrina accidentally turning a baby into an adult, and her aunt's going to a boring parent-teacher meeting that has Zelda get a crush on the teacher despite his cynical, lame attitude that treats them just like his students at first.
11:30And it failed to tap to keep it from being boring.
11:33That goes nowhere.
11:35Sabrina's subplot got insultingly forced to last as long as it did because she couldn't simply undo the spell right away, which is how magic would work.
11:45To even be consistent with its own rules.
11:48Most of the time magic is used just fine by pointing and thinking of something for only a split second.
11:54Like when Hilda wrote loser.
11:56Why would that rule change so that you can't undo a transformation spell instantly just because you thought about it for a split second?
12:05When you didn't the first time?
12:07Why would the length of time need to be the same both times?
12:12I didn't even have to try to figure out how stupid this was.
12:16It's not overthinking if you instantly feel like it's stupid as soon as her pointing as usual fails because the plot said so.
12:24What takes thought is explaining the feeling with the information you were already given.
12:29It was still ditzy of her magic to somehow think she wanted being a big boy to happen immediately.
12:35Because what she meant was she wanted the baby to stop crying.
12:39And so that's all that would happen.
12:41Because her magic is in her brain so it should be able to search the whole thing instantly to know what she wants.
12:47That being said, it was still a little amusing to see the adult running around acting like a baby.
12:52So the episode did what it wanted to do.
12:55It's just that it's completely unacceptable to not also want to write a story that's believable.
12:59Like the previous story did.
13:01So there's no excuse.
13:03You're trying to make a funny story but the amusement's always going to be made not as emotionally powerful because of the constant distraction to smart people of confusion.
13:12And one of the rare things that gets me mad is being confused.
13:17So the only reason I didn't hate this subplot for what it was when I was watching most of it was that the situation was just that comedic.
13:26But since it was so forced that it canceled out most of the comedy to make it only mildly amusing with a few spikes in a mostly flat line.
13:34I'm so glad that there seems to be new writers for every episode so I don't have to worry about every episode being written this way.
13:41At least the story didn't have a moral lesson shoved down Sabrina's throat.
13:45It wasn't much nicer to us than it did to Harvey instead.
