- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:52We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no.
00:02:12And he'll really dance standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Oh, wait.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:18Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:03:58It's one place I've never been.
00:03:59Pardon?
00:03:59I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:02I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:04I'm Beryl.
00:04:07I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:08I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:09I'm Beryl.
00:04:10I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:11I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:14I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:15I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:16I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:17Pardon?
00:04:18I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:22I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:26I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:41Don't you worry,
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:03On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:09And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:19Love and rainy weather
00:05:24Sure can get you down
00:05:32Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:43Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight
00:05:58Tomorrow night
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19The usual 1300 weight
00:06:21Yes, please
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:27Full page advert for contraception
00:06:30It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:33I'm not hungry
00:06:35What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:41What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:42People say I'm not hungry
00:06:43The new world
00:06:44The new world
00:06:49La la la
00:06:51La la la
00:06:53La la la
00:06:58The new world
00:07:00I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening
00:07:02I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really. I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:23ever since our day's night.
00:07:25And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your six old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:08:00Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:09Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:15Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:38I'm sorry.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:47I'm sorry.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:35Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:52What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:07You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:36I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:07You know what they say?
00:11:09Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Martin!
00:11:16Martin!
00:11:18Martin!
00:11:20Martin!
00:11:22Martin!
00:11:24Martin!
00:11:26Martin!
00:11:28Martin!
00:11:30About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:34Martin!
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:04What a broken standard.
00:12:05Did you see you?
00:12:06Yes, sir.
00:12:07I asked you about my pocket?
00:12:09No, sir.
00:12:11No.
00:12:12No.
00:12:14Kind of.
00:12:15He got me.
00:12:16No.
00:12:17No!
00:12:18No.
00:12:19No.
00:12:20Then, no.
00:12:21No.
00:12:22No.
00:12:23No.
00:12:24No.
00:12:25No.
00:12:26No.
00:12:27No.
00:12:28No.
00:12:29No.
00:12:30No.
00:12:31No.
00:12:32No.
00:12:33Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose. 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, nor me.
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which of you?
00:13:57Any?
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, uh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27They're all on drugs.
00:14:31They're all on drugs.
00:14:32A lot of them.
00:14:33Good score.
00:14:47Losing. 3-1.
00:15:03Excuse me, I...
00:15:18I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38The pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:01Would you, uh...
00:16:05Would you sort of reckon she's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird?
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:16Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:21No thanks, kid.
00:16:22Neville's ravenous.
00:16:23You've just eaten.
00:16:24Oh, of course.
00:16:25Yeah.
00:16:26Sorry.
00:16:27You see...
00:16:28What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:29By implication.
00:16:30Probably by implication.
00:16:31Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:34You see?
00:16:35Yes.
00:16:36Was he the errand boy?
00:16:37Was who the errand boy?
00:16:38Ken Thingy.
00:16:39He directed it.
00:16:40Oh, yes.
00:16:41I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:42Probably.
00:16:43You're not like other boys.
00:16:44What are you trying to do?
00:16:45What are you trying to do?
00:16:46By implication?
00:16:47By implication.
00:16:48Probably by implication.
00:16:49Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:52You see?
00:16:53Yes.
00:16:54Was he the errand boy?
00:16:55Was he the errand boy?
00:16:56Ken Thingy.
00:16:57He directed it.
00:16:58Oh, yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:04You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:18Like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58That's what I said.
00:17:59Oh.
00:18:00Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:01Not percifilth-motivated?
00:18:02No.
00:18:03No.
00:18:04No.
00:18:05Did you want to say any more about sex?
00:18:06Sex.
00:18:07Sex.
00:18:08That's what I said.
00:18:09Oh.
00:18:10Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:11Not percifilth-motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:15Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39This is it.
00:18:52I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about percifilth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:19:54I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23I can if you do.
00:20:25Do you want me to?
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:28327-4421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:53Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:54Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:55Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:07Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:08You'd have forgotten.
00:21:09Has there been any clips?
00:21:10Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:11What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:12You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:13Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:14Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:15These things.
00:21:16Everything.
00:21:17Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:18Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:19Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:20Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:21Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:22Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:23Oh, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:24Who's Geoffrey.
00:21:25Whip!
00:21:26Who's Geoffrey.
00:21:27This exclude.
00:21:28Who's not a witness.
00:21:29What you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:30Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:31Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:32Hi.
00:21:33Ooh!
00:21:34These things.
00:21:36Everything.
00:21:37Who's Geoffrey?!
00:21:39He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Jeffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02Not Beryl Bird. I told him.
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:07Did she, er...
00:22:09What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:40Who?
00:22:42I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:18Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:33Good night.
00:23:38Good night.
00:23:39Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:09Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:39Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:53GONG
00:25:07Very one more hope as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley low...
00:25:16My typing not disturbing you're singing I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20day. Oh, Geoffrey. That Neville's the greatest. Is he dishy or is he dishy? I'm considering packing Geoffrey in. One date was enough. Why? He's cancer and I'm
00:25:44a Libra. Is that bad? Oh, plus. Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment. Five, five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven, which is, oh.
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza. Bank clerks. Your lot? Football supporters. Hippies. Oh, my lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds. It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then. Fate. All over by 7.23 precisely. So what? Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock? Is that Geoffrey? Is that Beryl? Yes. Yes. Hi. Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person. Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic. I want to know all about you. That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already. Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:13Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just... just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there, in getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his
00:28:57strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:18See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:48Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey, Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:53I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Yeah.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, is Geoffrey?
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:00Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been a gasp.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thong of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:03Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it now?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:20Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:50Everyone.
00:37:17I don't know.
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:53Yeah.
00:37:56And you're, er...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:01I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:31All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Her.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:12Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:13Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:16I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:17They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:18Yes they are.
00:39:19Mmm.
00:39:20Oh you were terrific on the last one.
00:39:21Was it?
00:39:22Mmm.
00:39:23Terrific self- Application.
00:39:24Must be my birthday.
00:39:29Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:38They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:41Yes, they are.
00:39:43Mmm!
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:47Wasn't it?
00:39:48Mmm!
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:07It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:14Mmm! Mmm!
00:40:16Mmm, please! Mmm, don't!
00:40:18Please! You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Mm-hmm.
00:40:27Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I've heard to this.
00:40:50Yes!
00:40:51Yes!
00:40:52What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:25No, Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:53Mm.
00:41:54Mm.
00:41:55Mm.
00:41:56Mm.
00:41:57Mm.
00:41:58Mm.
00:41:59Mm.
00:42:00Mm.
00:42:01Mm.
00:42:02Mm.
00:42:03Mm.
00:42:06Mm.
00:42:07you
00:42:19testing testing jeffrey minneup returns to the day i wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:37i'm fed up who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:54no they just market anyone can market they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:12well this is your uncle stephen this is my revolting brother jeremy
00:43:22how do you do do my mum and dad know he's here jeremy bed i could always wake him up and tell
00:43:28um jeremy little boys need sleep even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:41do you say no no i don't say yes shall i tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has who told you
00:44:04that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the
00:44:10others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby did they teach you that at
00:44:18school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes i think do it all the time
00:44:32no um that's people what is
00:44:38well people do it all the time
00:44:44whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:55good night jeremy
00:44:5825p
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:02good night uncle stephen
00:45:12good night uncle stephen
00:45:16good night
00:45:32good night love
00:45:36who the hell's uncle stephen at 10 past two in the morning
00:45:39a friend of jeremy's he's going now good night love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:54you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow no tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh not unless you happen to be in plymouth where i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:20what wrens the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30 000 sailors hope i like it
00:46:36well thanks thanks for nearly everything
00:46:41we definitely would have done wouldn't we well obviously we as good as dead in a way
00:46:46really almost just keep telling yourself that we will have only better good night love
00:46:55try a barrel
00:47:16morning previous generation
00:47:27what's for breakfast
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were
00:47:36fiddling on the flaming roof i'm sorry mum i'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what dad you understand i don't jeffrey well you always say you do
00:47:51jeffrey you're at it every night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different
00:47:59i knew you'd understand
00:48:11i've been traveling in my life
00:48:18oh
00:48:19don't you i knew it
00:48:20i've been telling you
00:48:21if my father said you've been listening to me
00:48:22i may have been listening to me
00:48:23i heard you know
00:48:24we can't tell you
00:48:25i don't know
00:48:25if my father said you're not telling me
00:48:27i'm
00:48:27i'm
00:48:28it's telling you
00:48:29for i'm
00:48:30i'm
00:48:31i am
00:48:32your man
00:48:32i'm
00:48:33what's going on
00:48:34you
00:48:35pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me not me what a night wow a lot including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53hey lads i picked up a bit of spare last night who didn't no it's true
00:49:01yes jeffrey it is yes jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:13poor jeffrey beryl please it's neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel he'll see other girls i shan't take him back sandra
00:49:29i shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up
00:49:52it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:13good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:19i expect he's sorry now i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course if she has i might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well i'm certainly not making the first move at least i've got me pride
00:50:47i left with beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me
00:50:54and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then united we're winning every game now
00:51:00oh good and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:04uh i asked you what was new with you
00:51:16did you did i say more
00:51:20pardon how's beryl baby getting on then jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me beryl
00:51:27baby it isn't like you say that again beryl baby what's your name handsome
00:51:36you'll laugh everybody laughs it's the story of my life you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe what do you care i don't have a baby is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:07jeffrey jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days well it's very exhausting
00:52:17it is working in a bank oh
00:52:26i had this bad scene this chick decided to split
00:52:31so i cut out man like there's no tomorrow
00:52:39this cat gets it together where it's at
00:52:44lots of beautiful bag baby so if you want a piece of the action don't cool it
00:52:53big
00:52:53i'm sorry i know understand english
00:53:06gesundheit
00:53:09i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:15and which is her husband neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:50a banana
00:53:52yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:54:00um no but i've seen the film
00:54:04are you married
00:54:08no grab yourself an adage marriage is a cabbage
00:54:14are you a poet
00:54:16never ask the questions ask the answers
00:54:18you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager of marks and spencers
00:54:28i really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on itv
00:54:36this
00:54:38what's on bbc
00:54:43cutting over
00:54:45what's that like
00:54:45like this
00:54:49come on now you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this what's the word
00:54:55let's get it clear let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville okay
00:55:09women's lip is not about burning bras papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:17a marriage certificate a dog's license whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:21look let's be basic about this enid all girls want marriage and a white wedding
00:55:26really basic you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:33grass
00:55:35enid when sam just says every girl she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself not me of course because i incredibly value my independence but most girls
00:55:45definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:48if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:51i'm not recourcing to anything i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55bull
00:55:56oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that
00:56:00you believe in free love right
00:56:02wrong i believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvin is pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10excuse me excuse me excuse me if you've got your hand on me
00:56:15oh
00:56:17oh sorry wow man i'm sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:23grass
00:56:24jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26i said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:40we're as liberated as you enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:45neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:48we'll make some coffee kid
00:56:51you see what we believe is
00:56:56you see
00:56:56i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:05you're doing lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11burn my bra
00:57:17right that's it finished the end full stop
00:57:22we've finally split up neville sandra wants you
00:57:26i should imagine
00:57:29sad isn't it
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:38well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:41it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43i once thought i'd found her
00:57:51the perfect girl
00:57:54red hair
00:57:55not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:58:02passionate when roused
00:58:04yeah
00:58:06she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:09you're very sweet
00:58:09you're very sweet
00:58:12i've always thought you were
00:58:17did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just i'm a bit tired
00:58:22i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:35i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:47i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:49oh sorry
00:58:54do you know
00:58:55what girl she can ask me anything
00:58:59do you know where jeffrey's got to
00:59:04he's upstairs i think
00:59:06is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:16usually
00:59:16i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right honest
00:59:27she said i shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:31she said
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:38jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:52jeffrey
00:59:57move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:59put your legs
01:00:01that's better
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:09it's your first time
01:00:13call dr weisberg
01:00:15quilmslow road
01:00:21it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then
01:00:28grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:33this grass wasn't
01:00:36it was the real thing
01:00:39from the front lawn
01:00:49is that you beryl
01:00:55had a nice time
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:01:00not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since ten having a good night's worry
01:01:06do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35i didn't try at all
01:01:39gave me to rest
01:01:44i'm right off birds
01:01:46i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:02:02good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17i know
01:02:18i
01:02:18i know
01:02:18wanna see you
01:02:19know
01:02:22we're not going to be in bed
01:02:27her
01:02:29sorry
01:02:30i know
01:02:31for sure
01:02:32you
01:02:32did
01:02:37you
01:02:37i know
01:02:38they're not going to be too much
01:02:40and they're not going to be too much
01:02:41but i know
01:02:42they're not going to be too much
01:02:43for you
01:02:43but she's not going to be too much
01:02:44and certainly
01:02:45A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21It's a small world.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:58Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:11The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41Never mind.
01:06:42It's only a game.
01:06:43I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:07I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:33You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:32The Cowgills.
01:08:33Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:34Married couple.
01:08:36Newlyweds.
01:08:37Not long married.
01:08:38You go bald doing that.
01:08:39Doing what?
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains?
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:33You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:36Sorry?
01:10:36No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:38Not yet.
01:10:39No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:42Not yet.
01:10:43What are you staring at?
01:10:44Hello?
01:10:45You all right, son?
01:10:46Terrific.
01:10:47Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:48Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:50Hmm.
01:10:51My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:53Oh.
01:10:54What's your theory?
01:10:55Indigestion.
01:10:56Oh.
01:10:57What's your theory?
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59Indigestion.
01:11:00Oh.
01:11:01What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:02Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:03He has said one thing.
01:11:04Oh?
01:11:05Oh, what's that?
01:11:06If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:12The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlocked.
01:11:19Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:24Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:29And what NO spells.
01:11:30And what NO spells.
01:11:31And what NO spells.
01:11:32Great.
01:11:33I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:35And so, society, that's you and me, says, End this dispute.
01:11:52End it now.
01:11:55Good night.
01:11:56Hear, hear.
01:11:58Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Triffic. Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau,
01:12:54and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar. Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:31To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:45The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:14See what I think.
01:14:15See what I think.
01:14:16Go on.
01:14:17No, you.
01:14:18Mine wasn't important.
01:14:20No, mine wasn't.
01:14:22No, mine wasn't.
01:14:24Beryl.
01:14:28Are you...
01:14:31...happy?
01:14:32Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39No, I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:23Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24A teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:37Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:31Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:01Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Bride parents.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:54That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bardo salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see you, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Mm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bit.
01:23:47In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Well, we'll bump into each other.
01:24:46Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12But there is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16Good afternoon, Miss.
01:25:18Good afternoon, Miss.
01:25:21MUSIC CONTINUES
01:25:39Hi. When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:28Wish we had a ball.
01:26:30I could play shooting in.
01:26:35You could go in goal.
01:26:37You could play shooting in.
01:26:41You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:07Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:21We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51What we can enjoy you.
01:27:56So we're Well minutes make sure that we are?
01:27:59Who has it?
01:28:01Who has it?
01:28:03Who has it?
01:28:05Who has it?
01:28:07Who has it?
01:28:09Who this, who has it?
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:35Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:38Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:40Love and rainy weather
01:29:41Love and rainy weather
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:43Love and rainy weather
01:29:44Love and rainy weather
01:29:45Love and rainy weather
01:29:46Love and rainy weather
01:29:47Love and rainy weather
01:29:48Love and rainy weather
01:29:49Love and rainy weather
01:29:50Love and rainy weather
01:29:51Love and rainy weather
01:29:52Love and rainy weather
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