- anteayer
Max poses as the King of Coronia, a person whom he strongly physically resembles, in order to uncover the party behind an assassination attempt made against the King shortly before his coronation. (This episode is a parody of the movie The Prisoner of Zenda, and is notable for the impression by Don Adams of Ronald Colman, the star of that movie. The episode also features Johnny Carson's second cameo on the show, as a footman to the King.)
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00:00Max, when you stop pacing, you're making me nervous.
00:15Making you nervous? How do you think I feel?
00:17This is the first time I've ever met a king face-to-face.
00:20Now, face-to-face, Max.
00:21When we enter, we bow low and stay that way until we're told to rise.
00:25Well, I just hope that I don't have to bend over too long.
00:27When the blood rushes to my head, I get a terrific headache.
00:30There is such a thing as protocol.
00:32Is that anything like an aspirin?
00:35We'd better run through the assignment before we meet King Charles.
00:38As you know, King Charles is...
00:40Hi-ya!
00:42Max, be careful. Don't hurt that antique armor.
00:47As you know, King Charles is very friendly to our country,
00:49but the prime minister hates our country.
00:51Prime ministers always hate our country.
00:53Caronius supplies us with a very valuable mineral, vital to our Project X2.
00:59And if anything were to happen to the king,
01:00the prime minister would cut off our supply and give it to our enemies.
01:03Prime ministers always give it to our enemies.
01:05Max, please listen.
01:07The prime minister is next in line to the throne,
01:09and he happens to be the king's half-brother, Basil.
01:12Half-brothers are always called Basil.
01:15Gosh, Chief, those knights must have had a million headaches.
01:18This thing must weigh 30 pounds.
01:19We suspect Basil of hiring chaos agents to assassinate the king
01:24before his coronation on Saturday.
01:26Our job is to protect the king no matter what the risk.
01:29Any questions, Max?
01:32Just one, Chief.
01:33How did they get these things off?
01:41Gentlemen,
01:43His Highness will see you now.
01:45Gentlemen,
01:58His Royal Highness,
02:00King Chow the Ninth,
02:01King of Koronia.
02:02King of Koronia.
02:03King of Koronia.
02:04King of Koronia.
02:05King of Koronia.
02:06King of Koronia.
02:07King of Koronia.
02:08King of Koronia.
02:09King of Koronia.
02:10King of Koronia.
02:11King of Koronia.
02:12King of Koronia.
02:13King of Koronia.
02:14King of Koronia.
02:15King of Koronia.
02:16King of Koronia.
02:17King of Koronia.
02:18King of Koronia.
02:19King of Koronia.
02:20King of Koronia.
02:21King of Koronia.
02:22King of Koronia.
02:23King of Koronia.
02:24King of Koronia.
02:25King of Koronia.
02:26King of Koronia.
02:27King of Koronia.
02:28King of Koronia.
02:29The End
02:59The End
03:29Is his majesty all right?
03:40Comfortable, but he must have absolute bed rest for two or three days.
03:45Three days? He might miss the coronation.
03:47Well, that's okay, chief. We can tell him all about it.
03:49Nice.
03:50If Charles isn't crowned king on Saturday, Basil automatically takes over.
03:54But the king must be crowned. Meanwhile, he must be protected. There's bound to be another attempt on his life.
03:59Well, I can tell you one thing. I'm certainly glad I'm not Charles.
04:02Mr. Smart, when you saw the king, what did you notice?
04:10He looked like me.
04:11It's desperate. It's dangerous. One chance in a million. Then again, it might just work.
04:18Mr. Smart, when a man grows older, he begins to believe in fate. Fate sent you here.
04:24Fate sends you now to replace King Charles.
04:30Yes, well, you can just go and tell fate that I'm not going. I could be killed.
04:34But you must. We have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
04:39Colonel von Klaus, Max doesn't know anything about King Charles.
04:42I grant you there's a physical resemblance, but how could he possibly get away with an impersonation?
04:46In two hours, the royal train leaves for Gransburg, our capital.
04:50In that time, with my coaching, he will be King Charles.
04:53Or my name's not von Klaus.
04:55Max, it's your duty.
04:57Yes, well, I guess you're right, Chief.
04:58Two hours, eh?
05:00Well, that should be enough time.
05:01Fortunately, I have an infallible memory.
05:04Now, when we get off the train at that capital, whatever the name of that, what is that?
05:09Gransburg.
05:10Gransburg, that's the place, yes.
05:11When we get off there, I will be exactly like King, uh, what's his name?
05:17Charles.
05:17Charles, that's the guy.
05:19So, you see, you'll have absolutely nothing to worry about, Colonel, uh, uh, von Klaus.
05:26Von Klaus, that's it, that's right.
05:28Well, that's a pretty good start.
05:29And where do we go from here, uh...
05:32Chief.
05:35Exactly.
05:36Is he putting me on?
05:37Let us begin.
05:42First, you must learn to speak, like his majesty.
05:45I have a recording of his latest speech.
05:47That won't be necessary, von Klaus.
05:49I've seen enough movies to know how a king talks.
05:53Ah, love.
05:55If I were king,
05:57what tributary nations I would bring.
06:00To stoop before your scepter,
06:02the world would be a ruby for your fingering.
06:04And you should have
06:06the moon and stars to web
06:09if I were king.
06:12No, Max, that's not the way a king sounds at all.
06:15So, Saturday, when I stand before you all,
06:20the crown king!
06:21Well, now, that's gonna be a problem, Chief.
06:23I'll never be able to talk like that.
06:25You can if you think like a king.
06:28A king is confident,
06:30determined,
06:31dignified,
06:32proud.
06:34His very manner inspires awe among the common folk.
06:38You look great, Max.
06:42You dare to call a king by his first name?
06:46Beware of your head, my friend.
06:48Of all,
06:50a king must be daring,
06:52strong, and brave.
06:55Put this in your scabbard.
07:00Von Klaus?
07:02Yes, what is it?
07:03I don't have a scabbard.
07:05You do now.
07:06Uh-oh.
07:32Uh-oh.
07:34Oh, my God.
08:05Let's go over it once more.
08:07Your father's name was?
08:08King Charles VIII of Coronia.
08:10Your mother was?
08:11Queen Helena of Ruritania.
08:13And you're engaged, too?
08:14Princess Marta of Estahagen.
08:16Your half-brother is?
08:17Basil the Prime Minister.
08:18And you are?
08:19Maxwell Smart, age in 86.
08:28These are pictures of your betrothed Marta and your half-brother Basil.
08:34I hope this one is Basil.
08:37It is.
08:38And Basil will stop at nothing to sit on your throne.
08:42From the moment you leave this train, you'll be facing torture and death.
08:48And loving it.
08:50Prince Basil, we have taken care of King Charles.
09:05Well done, Otto.
09:07Chaos is very efficient.
09:09Thank you, sir.
09:10Great news, gentlemen.
09:17My brother is dead.
09:20Saturday, I will be crowned king in his place.
09:24The king is dead.
09:26Long live the king.
09:29The king lives.
09:30King lives.
09:30Ah, brother.
09:40What a pleasant surprise.
09:42Pleasant or unexpected.
09:45I wish a word with my brother.
09:47Alone.
09:49Do you think that's wise, sire?
09:51You dare to question your king?
09:54Beware of your head, my friend.
09:55Well, Basil, celebrating something?
10:00Just toasting your health, sire.
10:02Well, your concern for my health touches me deeply.
10:06I thought you would still be at the Summer Palace.
10:08Wasn't the hunting good?
10:12Not for the hunters.
10:14I see.
10:16A toast to the coronation of King Charles.
10:18I'll drink to him.
10:20Eh, me.
10:24You dropped your monocle, sire.
10:27Yes, well, fortunately, I'm wearing my contact monocle.
10:32Your Majesty, a foreign envoy desires an audience with you.
10:37She awaits without.
10:38Ah, yes.
10:39Well, a peasant may work from sun to sun,
10:42but a monarch's work is never done.
10:44Eh, Basil?
10:46Get out.
10:48Brother?
10:51As you wish, sire.
10:55Until we meet again.
10:57Brother.
11:02Does 99 know who I am?
11:04No, but you may tell her now.
11:07Ah, come in, my dear.
11:08Come in.
11:10I'm very honored to meet you, Your Majesty.
11:14Is something wrong?
11:16Oh, no.
11:17No, uh, it's just that you look exactly like someone I know.
11:21Ah, your husband.
11:22No, I'm not married.
11:24Your sweetheart, perhaps.
11:26Well, um, no, I'd say he's more of a friend.
11:31But a handsome and charming fellow, I'm sure.
11:34You're not as charming as you are, Your Majesty.
11:37So, 99, you'd throw me over for a mere king.
11:41Max, it's you.
11:43I'm so happy to see you.
11:44Yes, well, you seemed a lot happier when you thought I was the king.
11:47But, Max, how did all this happen?
11:49Chaos wounded our king.
11:51He is convalescing until the coronation.
11:53So, Max is taking his place.
11:55But how?
11:56Like this.
11:58That's amazing.
11:59Yes, isn't it?
12:01Now, secrecy is vital, 99.
12:03If Basil finds out we're control agents, we've had it.
12:07Now, if you'll excuse me, my dear.
12:09I'm afraid I must leave you duty calls.
12:11Max, you even sound like a king.
12:13Whatever happened to plain old Maxwell smart of control?
12:16Are you kidding, 99?
12:17This is just all the job to me.
12:19Oh, Max, I'm so proud of you.
12:20You dare to put your hands on a king?
12:27Beware of your head, my friend.
12:42So, my brother still lives.
12:44You bungler!
12:47This is impossible.
12:48I saw him fall.
12:49He's alive, you fool.
12:51Time is running out.
12:52You must find Charles and kill him.
12:54But how?
12:55Must I do your thinking for you?
12:57Get the girl.
12:58That dummy in there will trade Charles for her safety.
13:00And then?
13:02I may be a half-brother.
13:04But I do not use half-measures.
13:06Kill them both.
13:07Good morning, sire.
13:26I trust you had a refreshing night's sleep?
13:29Splendid, splendid, von Klaus.
13:31How is the king?
13:32Recovering steadily and safely hidden here in the palace.
13:35Tell me, is there anything you need?
13:41Uh, how about some new drapes?
13:46And a new robe.
13:47And a band-aid.
13:50You must be more careful, sir.
13:52You're about to face your greatest test.
13:55Oh, good.
13:56What shall it be this time, von Klaus?
13:58A little etiquette?
13:59Some fencing?
14:01Or a royal joust?
14:02I'm ready for anything.
14:04Princess Marta desires an audience with her betrothal.
14:10Oh, really?
14:11Well, do you think that's wise, von Klaus?
14:14I mean, after all, Charles is a very sick man.
14:17Not Charles.
14:18You.
14:19Oh.
14:21Well, in that case, show the princess in.
14:23Hear ye, hear ye, announcing the arrival of her royal highness, daughter of the king of
14:38Esterhagen, duchess of Baravia, lady-in-waiting to the dowager queen of Lichtenstein, heiress
14:43apparent to the barony of Lohengrau, grandniece to the duke of Groustark, first cousin to the
14:49count of Matavideo, third cousin once removed to the burgermeister of Cameronbrough, the
14:53betrothed of King Charles of Quirinia, her royal highness, princess.
15:10Marta.
15:19My lord.
15:25Arise, my love.
15:31What happened?
15:33You fell down the steps.
15:35Exactly.
15:36Charles, before you were always so distant and aloof.
15:50Distant and aloof?
15:52I always thought I was a warm and tender person.
15:54When was I ever distant and aloof?
15:57Last week at the Royal Ball, remember?
16:00Oh, yes, of course, the Royal Ball here at the Capitol.
16:03No, it was at your summer palace.
16:05Yes, you wore a gown of white.
16:07No, I wore blue that night.
16:09Ah, yes.
16:11And I remember it well.
16:12Then you and I slipped away from the crowd and went outside.
16:16We strolled the grounds.
16:19We walked your hounds.
16:20We stopped by the fountain for a kiss, I think.
16:23We stopped by the well to give your dogs a drink.
16:26Ah, yes.
16:28And I remember the well.
16:30Now, enough about the old me.
16:32The new me is a lot more fun.
16:34Mm-hmm.
16:35Mm-hmm.
16:37Mass!
16:38Uh, your Royal Highness.
16:42You dare to interrupt me in the middle of an affair?
16:46Of state?
16:47An urgent matter has arisen.
16:48One you must deal with at once or the result will be chaos.
16:51Chaos, my Royal Foot!
16:54Yes?
16:56Oh, yes, of course.
16:58Well, I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm afraid this will have to wait until later.
17:02Perhaps we can have a little late supper by candlelight.
17:09But, Charles...
17:12Oh...
17:14Your Highness, this is important.
17:18What is it, Chief?
17:19Ninety-nine is missing, and a messenger brought you this note.
17:23Somehow, Basil found out you're an imposter.
17:25He and chaos will stop at nothing now.
17:27There is one king too many in Caronia.
17:30We will trade the girl for Charles' whereabouts.
17:33Come to the Summer Palace at midnight alone.
17:35I've got to save ninety-nine.
17:38But you can't.
17:38The king's life's too important.
17:40He's right, Max.
17:41I'm sorry.
17:42Ninety-nine's life is at stake, and I'm going.
17:44And don't try to tell me that I'm walking into a trap.
17:47You're walking into a trap.
17:48I asked you not to tell me that.
17:54Remember our agreement.
17:55You may try to find Miss ninety-nine,
17:57but under no circumstances reveal the whereabouts of the king to the chaos agents.
18:00Right.
18:00Who are the chaos agents?
18:01Three men, Heinrich of Holtzau,
18:03Kukoff of Klutzenglocken,
18:04and Otto of Furstenglocken.
18:06Heinrich of Holtzau,
18:07Kukoff of Glutzenglocken,
18:09and Otto of the...
18:10How do you spell Oban Furstenglocken?
18:12With two G's.
18:13With two G's.
18:14Now into the palace.
18:15If you need any help, I'll join you.
18:17Right.
18:19You wouldn't care to join me right now, would you?
18:21Impossible.
18:22You must enter alone.
18:24Well, what if it's a trap?
18:26If it's a trap,
18:27and they cut off your escape,
18:29find your way to Basil's chambers.
18:31Behind the fireplaces,
18:33a passageway leads right to the forest.
18:35How does it open?
18:36Well,
18:37there's a panel near the mantle
18:39with a candle for a handle.
18:40But before you light the candle,
18:42push the panel with your hand.
18:43Then the mantle will push out
18:45and the panel will push in.
18:47But,
18:47if you light the candle
18:49after you push the panel,
18:51then the mantle will push in
18:52and the panel will push out.
18:54Is there another way out?
18:59Well,
18:59you can try the window.
19:00Yeah.
19:00Are you ready to bargain,
19:14Mr. Smart?
19:16Who do I have the honor of addressing?
19:19Heinrich of Halsbrow?
19:20No.
19:21Kukoff of Klutzenberg?
19:23No.
19:24Otto of Oberfürstengagel?
19:26Aye.
19:27Hmm.
19:28One out of three,
19:29that's not bad.
19:30Well,
19:30gentlemen,
19:31what am I offered for the king?
19:34Safe conduct over the border
19:36and 300,000 kronen.
19:38For who?
19:39For you.
19:39And the girl?
19:41She is with Prince Basil.
19:42Leave her to him.
19:43No deal.
19:44The girl must go free.
19:45All right.
19:46Safe conduct over the border
19:47and 500,000 kronen.
19:49For both of us?
19:50Just the girl.
19:51You stay.
19:53Hmm.
19:53I like the first deal a lot better.
19:55Is that your final offer?
19:57It is.
19:58You give us the king
19:59and the girl goes free.
20:00Give you the king
20:01and the girl goes free.
20:03Ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:07Forget it.
20:08The bargaining is over with.
20:10Finished.
20:10Done.
20:11Kaput.
20:12May I ask one question?
20:14What is it now?
20:15How do you plan to get out of here?
20:18Oh.
20:19Uh.
20:20Could I hear that last offer again?
20:22All you have to do
20:23is lead us to King Charles.
20:25Well, why can't I just tell you where he is?
20:27Because you might lie.
20:29I don't lie.
20:31You'll just have to take my word for it
20:32that King Charles is back at the palace.
20:37That's all we wanted to know.
20:40Take him!
20:44Hold it!
20:45Gentlemen, please.
20:47Do you think this is fair?
20:48Three against one?
20:50Those are the ideal conditions, Mr. Smart.
20:55Splendid, Mr. Smart.
20:57The odds are getting smaller.
20:59Two against one.
21:00That's what you think.
21:01By Klaus, take them!
21:04Ah!
21:07Ah!
21:19Ah!
21:20Ah!
21:20Ah!
21:21Ah!
21:21Ah!
21:22max you made it yes 99 and now it's your turn brother max don't he's an expert swordsman
21:49that's correct my dear the finest in all europe perhaps the entire world
21:55and now i intend to teach you a lesson that you shall not soon forget
22:14first i shall nick your ears then your eyes your nose your mouth and your throat
22:26then i shall rip the shirt off your back and the trousers off your skinny little legs
22:33well max he certainly did deserve it that's right 99 he never should have said that about my legs
22:47mortalize over those hills your friends will be waiting there for you we cannot thank you enough
23:03for what you've done for our country charles has his rightful place on the throne and you'll always
23:08have a place in my heart take this ring and always remember what might have been
23:15come with me martyr there's a world outside and a throne a woman's throne here in my heart
23:22i'm afraid it's not as simple as that my friend you see martyr is a princess
23:26and sometimes duty to a princess is stronger than love
23:30then this is goodbye but your ring shall always be on my finger and the touch of your lips on mine
23:37sometimes fate makes the wrong men kings goodbye my friend
23:46oh
23:57and
24:00oh
24:04No, no, no, no, no!
24:34Whip! Whip! Whip!
25:04Whip! Whip!
25:06Whip!
25:07Whip!
25:08Whip!
25:09Whip!
25:10Whip!
25:11Whip!
25:12Whip!
25:13Whip!
25:14Whip!
25:15Whip!
25:16Whip!
25:17Whip!
25:18Whip!
25:19Whip!
25:20Whip!
25:21Whip!
25:22Whip!
25:23Whip!
25:24Whip!
25:25Whip!
25:26Whip!
25:27Whip!
25:28Whip!
25:29Whip!
25:30Whip!
25:31Whip!
25:32Whip!