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00:00We need more cement. Where is Yvette?
00:07She's in the kitchen with your wife, mixing it.
00:10Mix? Not for me, I hope.
00:12She said she would bring it down when it was ready.
00:15Yvette, why have you been so long?
00:19Well, how could I walk through the cafe carrying a bucket of cement?
00:22It is full of German officers.
00:24But this is my wife's best mixing bowl.
00:27Which is why I was able to pretend it was full of pestering.
00:30Was nobody suspicious?
00:32One of the officers put his finger in and tested it.
00:35My God! What happened?
00:37He said your wife's cooking was getting better.
00:40What are you doing?
00:42I am hiding the painting of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by Van Clough.
00:46Also the priceless cuckoo clock.
00:49If the Gestapo find out about them, I will be shot.
00:52If your wife finds out about you and me, you'll be shot.
00:55We live in dangerous times.
00:58Maria, go upstairs and stand by the door.
01:01If anyone approaches, stamp your foot.
01:04I need ten minutes.
01:06Just to put one little brick in?
01:08The patron knows his limitations.
01:10He's not acquainted with the art of laying bricks.
01:13He's certainly acquainted with the art of laying everything else.
01:16Go to your post!
01:17Rene, my love.
01:18Yvette, my flower.
01:19Oh!
01:20You are the most exciting man I have ever known.
01:21Let me hold you tight.
01:22No, no, my cabbage, no.
01:23It is getting hard and I must get it in immediately.
01:25Rene!
01:26Rene!
01:27Rene!
01:28Rene!
01:29Rene!
01:30It is my wife!
01:31Rene!
01:32There are two black hand marks on the back of the blouse of Yvette.
01:35You came all the way down to the cellar to tell me that.
01:36Rene!
01:37Rene!
01:38Rene!
01:39Rene!
01:40Rene!
01:41Rene!
01:42Rene!
01:43Rene!
01:44Rene!
01:45Rene!
01:46Rene!
01:47There are two black hand marks on the back of the blouse of Yvette.
01:50You came all the way down to the cellar to tell me that.
01:53They are not of the same size as your and my.
01:56Yes, of course they are.
01:58Well, when I hear you approach, I think it is the Gestapo and so I wipe my hands on the
02:02blouse of Yvette so they will not see I am building a wall.
02:05Oh, you think of everything.
02:07Yes, I hope so.
02:09I have a message for you.
02:11Michelle is upstairs.
02:12Michelle!
02:13From the resistance.
02:14I will come at once.
02:16Lay this brick.
02:17But I have no experience of laying bricks.
02:20Just pretend it is a German officer.
02:23You don't think she suspects us, do you?
02:27No, never.
02:28I let her think I am not interested in that kind of thing anymore.
02:32Does she believe you?
02:33She has too.
02:34I make her sleep in the wardrobe.
02:36Michelle is in the back room.
02:49Should I sing a song to distract everyone?
02:52No.
02:53We don't want to lose any more customers.
02:55You'd rather come with me.
02:57Psst.
02:58I want you in the back room.
02:59A little note would have been more discreet.
03:00Not you, Maria!
03:01Oh, I was wondering why I wasn't getting anywhere.
03:17Where is Michelle?
03:18I am here.
03:19Put that away.
03:20If it goes off, it could make a noise.
03:21Not to mention an hole.
03:22Who is in the cafe?
03:23Seven German officers and two sergeants from the 3rd Panzer Grenadiers.
03:24Ah, that is all right.
03:25Where are the two British Airmen?
03:26They are hiding in the room of my mother.
03:27And the four-jeu?
03:28He is disguised as a piano player.
03:29He plays for me when I sing for the customers.
03:30He is a villain.
03:31He plays for me when I sing for the customers.
03:32He is a villain.
03:33But when my wife sings, nobody notices.
03:34And the customers stuff cheese in their ears.
03:35Gather round.
03:36Now, listen, very carefully.
03:37I shall say this only once.
03:38Well, in that case, we are going to be a villain.
03:39And the two sergeants from the 3rd Panzer Grenadiers.
03:40And the two sergeants from the 3rd Panzer Grenadiers.
03:41And the two sergeants from the 3rd Panzer Grenadiers.
03:42Ah, that is all right.
03:43Where are the two British Airmen?
03:44They are hiding in the room of my mother.
03:45They are hiding in the room of my mother.
03:46And the four-jeu?
03:47He is disguised as a piano player.
03:48He plays for me when I sing for the customers.
03:49He is a very bad pianist.
03:50But when my wife sings, nobody notices.
03:52The customers stuff cheese in their ears.
03:55Gather round.
03:58Now, listen, very carefully.
04:00I shall say this only once.
04:02Well, in that case, could you please speak slowly?
04:05There is no time.
04:07I have information that you are to be interrogated by the Germans.
04:10What?
04:11It is from a reliable source.
04:12It is good information.
04:13Well, for me, it is the very worst information I have ever heard.
04:17Have they blown our cover?
04:20We have no cover, you silly old bat.
04:23I am a restaurant owner, you are my wife.
04:27Please do not use sophisticated expressions you do not understand.
04:31They don't suspect that we are trying to hide the British Airmen, do they?
04:35We don't know.
04:36But they are ruthless men.
04:38They may even take your wife and torture her in front of you.
04:41Oh, Renée.
04:42Do not worry.
04:44I will tell them nothing.
04:46On the other hand, they may just work on you to drag out of you everything you know.
04:55But I know very little except your name and the fact that we are riding a few British Airmen.
05:00And then there is the radio under the bed and the code book and in the cellar the cuckoo clock and the painting of the Faller Madonna with the big boobies.
05:09You see, she remembers much more than I do.
05:12She is the one they should interrogate.
05:15Here, take this ring.
05:17Oh, that's very nice of you, but I don't wear jewellery.
05:20It is hollow.
05:21Huh?
05:22So, inside is a pill.
05:23If they torture you and you cannot stand the pain, crush it between your teeth.
05:28Oh, I see.
05:29It is a painkiller.
05:30You will feel nothing.
05:33For how long?
05:34Forever.
05:35Oh, my God.
05:36All I want is a quiet life.
05:39Take that and you'll have one.
05:42Look, are you sure that they will send for me?
05:47Hello, hello?
05:50Café René?
05:51It is for you.
05:53Well, I...
05:55Hello?
05:58It is Colonel Von Strom.
06:00What shall I say?
06:01Act normally.
06:03Hello, Colonel.
06:10How nice to hear your voice again.
06:14You wish to order a table?
06:17No?
06:18Well, er...
06:19When are you going to come to see us again, Colonel?
06:22Hmm?
06:23Huh?
06:24You want me to come and see you?
06:26Oh, well...
06:27No, no, this is very difficult, Colonel.
06:29You see, I am a very busy man.
06:31I have the café and the kitchen and...
06:33and my wife and...
06:35and my bicycle has got a puncture.
06:37I...
06:38I...
06:39No...
06:40No!
06:41No, there will be no need to send an armoured car.
06:42No.
06:43I...
06:44I...
06:45Yes, bye.
06:48Quick, my walking boots and I'll have a sack.
06:50And make some sandwiches.
06:51But the German headquarters is only two minutes from here.
06:53Yes.
06:54But I am heading for the coast.
06:56We are fools.
06:57If you disappear, they will tear this place apart and we will all be shot.
07:01No.
07:02You must go to them and bluff it out.
07:04I am rapidly running out of bluff.
07:10Here, Colonel, here, look.
07:13All we need is a pair of pliers to turn the tap and a length of rubber hose to connect this old gas poker.
07:20Then we have a nice warm fire whenever we want.
07:23Well done, Hans.
07:24Order them right away.
07:25Herr Colonel, there is a man here to see you.
07:31Is he from the Gestapo?
07:33No, he's French.
07:34And he's very nervous.
07:36Herr Colonel, it could be the Gestapo pretending to be French.
07:39All right, Hans.
07:40We must be very careful.
07:42What's his name?
07:43Monsieur...
07:44René.
07:45It's René from the café.
07:46Show him in.
07:49The Colonel will see you now!
07:55Oh, Colonel, what an honour it is to be received in your wonderful commandeered office.
08:05I have taken the liberty of bringing a few simple, worthless gifts for you.
08:09A bottle of Chateau Lafitte 37.
08:12Some rather good cigars, which I was keeping until after the war was over,
08:16but as you were doing so well, I thought you might as well have them now.
08:20Some cheese.
08:21A little cognac.
08:23Napoleon, of course.
08:24And a small bottle of perfume for your assistant.
08:27Thank you very much, but I don't wear it.
08:31Not you.
08:32This assistant.
08:33This beautiful young lady.
08:35This fine example of German womanhood.
08:38Oh, thank you.
08:40Now, what can I do for you, Colonel?
08:42We just want you to answer a few questions.
08:44Will there be anything else, Colonel?
08:46Will there be anything else, Hans?
08:47Yes, Colonel.
08:48We shall require a pair of pliers and some rubber hose.
08:51Oh, no.
08:52Not the pliers and the rubber hose.
08:54No.
08:55I will tell you everything I know.
08:56It is so we can get the gas poker working.
08:59Not the gas poker.
09:02I will tell you everything I don't know.
09:04Sit down, Rene.
09:05We have a serious problem.
09:08Yes, well, I don't think it's as serious as my problem.
09:12We know you have been hiding British airmen and helping them to escape.
09:16Well, I know you know that, Colonel, but may I remind you that on your behalf, I am also
09:21hiding a valuable old painting which you hope to sell after the war.
09:251-0?
09:28Not to mention a priceless cuckoo clock.
09:312-1?
09:32No hands.
09:33No score.
09:34No hands.
09:35No score.
09:36Because we're going to hand that painting to the Gestapo.
09:38And then they will leave us in peace.
09:41Because we will hand you over as well.
09:44Oh, but, Colonel, that painting was to be your pension after the war.
09:49With it, you could have bought your own little Berchtes garden in the mountains.
09:53If you hand it over, you will have nothing.
09:56And if you hand me over, well, the café will not be the same without jolly, jovial, generous, Rene.
10:04The life and soul of any party.
10:08It is very sad, Rene, that there is no other course open to us.
10:12But we've enjoyed your hospitality.
10:14Yes, I had noticed.
10:16We've always regarded you as a friend.
10:19Well, I look upon you in the same way, Colonel.
10:22And the captain.
10:23And the young lady out there with the big...
10:25We all think of her as a friend.
10:28The last thing in the world we want is for you to suffer at the hands of the Gestapo.
10:32Well, you are most considerate, Colonel.
10:35So, I am going to give you this ring.
10:38Inside is a pill.
10:40Flush it between your teeth.
10:42And in one and a half seconds, you shall be like a dead beetle.
10:48I don't think I shall ever forget your kindness, Colonel.
10:52Perhaps Rene would like to give his wife one.
10:55Even a Frenchman cannot think of that sort of thing at a time like this.
10:59Colonel, a little idea is running around in my brain.
11:08How would it be if we let the Gestapo find a copy of the painting?
11:12You have a copy of the painting?
11:13No, no.
11:14But perhaps one could be made by, well, let us say, a forger.
11:20You know a forger?
11:21Well, in my business, you meet all sorts.
11:24Mind you, he would want paying.
11:26How much?
11:27Well, money means so very little in these hard times.
11:30But perhaps a bottle of Chateau Lafitte 37 and some cigars and a little cognac.
11:38What about the cheese?
11:40You may keep the cheese.
11:42We could use it to stuff in our ears when his wife sings in the cafe.
11:45Ladies and gentlemen, now it is cabaret time at the Café Rene.
11:55And tonight, to sing for you, we have Madame Edith.
11:59Oh, my dear friends, thank you for your welcome.
12:06Are there any requests?
12:09In that case, I will sing for you an old favourite,
12:15Under the Bridges of Paris.
12:18Would you apply to me with the cheese board and hurry?
12:20My darling, why I sing this song is easy to explain.
12:35Oh, Yvette, it was a nightmare.
12:38But I thought I was never going to get out of there alive.
12:41Question after question after question.
12:43Only I gave nothing away.
12:46Oh, Rene, you are so brave.
12:50While you were there, I lit candles.
12:53You were praying for me?
12:55We had a power cut.
12:57Oh, Yvette, I never thought I was going to hold you in my arms again.
13:01Oh, Rene.
13:03Oh, Yvette. Oh, my Lord.
13:05Under the Bridges of Paris with you,
13:08I take your dreams come true.
13:18Is she finished?
13:21I mustn't use Gruyere again.
13:26It has too many holes.
13:31Good evening.
13:34It's Herr Flick.
13:35Of the Gestapo.
13:36Would you like a table?
13:39Not in here.
13:41I have ordered a private room.
13:43Oh, Rene has reserved it for you, Herr Flick.
13:46Would you come this way?
13:55Oh, you have just missed the cabaret.
13:58But never mind.
14:00Later, I will sing for you privately.
14:03That will not be necessary.
14:08This is our private room, Herr Flick.
14:11And these are the candlesticks of my mother.
14:15This is adequate.
14:16I shall require a bottle of your best wine at once.
14:27Oh, of course, Herr Flick.
14:31You?
14:32I will sit there.
14:34You're so forceful and dominating.
14:36It's very exciting.
14:38Good.
14:40Be very careful.
14:42This is our life insurance.
14:43But maybe, on the other hand, it could be our death warrant.
14:55Ah.
14:57Monsieur Leclerc, take a look at this.
15:00Oh, it is the fall of Madonna with the big boobies.
15:05Can you do another one?
15:07Three big boobies.
15:12Can you forge another picture?
15:14Ah.
15:16Ah.
15:18The signature, yes.
15:20The painting?
15:22No.
15:24Yes, but not of paintings.
15:25Sir René.
15:26What?
15:27What a flick is in the back room, okay?
15:29Ah, and England will be calling you one minute
15:31on the radio in the bedroom of your mother-in-law.
15:34How close to disaster we live in this world of cloak and dagger.
15:39Shall I add it again?
15:41Yes, but don't brick it up.
15:42We may need it later.
15:44The resistance may have a proper forger.
15:52Hello, Mama.
15:53What is the matter?
15:56Why are you knocking with your stick?
15:58To make you hear me.
16:00All day I am alone.
16:03No one comes to see me.
16:06What kind of a life is this for your poor mother?
16:10Guessing at the ceiling and eating onion soup.
16:16Nothing but onion soup.
16:19Do not light the candle till I have opened the window.
16:26Oh, so, at last you come to see your poor old frail mother-in-law.
16:35Shut up.
16:37Here is the loudspeaker.
16:39Sorry.
16:40Get the coat book.
16:41Where is it?
16:42In the white room.
16:44Hey!
16:46Stay where you are.
16:47Huh?
16:48Here it is.
16:49Here it is.
16:50Hello, Nighthawk.
16:51Are you receiving me?
16:52Over.
16:53Hello, hello.
16:54This is Nighthawk.
16:55Receiving you loud and crackly.
16:56Pass your message, please.
16:58The baby will arrive a week early.
17:00Look it up in the cold book.
17:01Where is it?
17:02No.
17:04No.
17:06No.
17:08No.
17:09No.
17:10No.
17:11No.
17:12No.
17:13No.
17:14No.
17:15No, no-no.
17:16No.
17:17No.
17:18No.
17:19No.
17:20No.
17:21No.
17:22No.
17:23No.
17:24Look it up in the code book.
17:26The baby will arrive a week early.
17:30Oh, my daughter.
17:32Heaven be praised.
17:34Grandchild at last.
17:38You old fool, I have not put her in the family way.
17:42Sir, no words.
17:44We are just looking it up in the book.
17:48So many strangers.
17:52I feel no shame.
17:56It means the British airmen are being picked up tonight.
17:58Well, that's a week early.
18:00But I'll be glad to see the back of them.
18:02Allo, allo, your message understood over and out.
18:06And things.
18:10Bernay, listen, very carefully.
18:13I shall say this only once.
18:15The airmen must leave immediately.
18:17Well, they cannot leave by the main entrance.
18:19It is being watched and everyone is being questioned.
18:22Then they must leave by the back, through the window of your office.
18:25They cannot go that way.
18:26Air Flick is having his dinner in there.
18:28Then they must leave by this window.
18:30What?
18:31We have no letter.
18:32We take the sheets from the bed and have them together.
18:35Good idea.
18:36Oh, how can you treat them for mother in this manner?
18:42It's very easy.
18:46Now I want to see some good tight nuts.
18:49Yes, of course you do.
18:50Now, Michelle, before I forget, we have to make a copy of the following Madonna with the big boobies.
18:55Well, let Monsieur Leclerc do it.
18:56He cannot paint.
18:57Neither can he play the piano.
19:00The customers block their ears.
19:03We are nobody.
19:05But perhaps we could send it to England to have it copied.
19:08We could send it with the two British airmen.
19:10Oh, yeah.
19:11Yvette, go and get it.
19:12Now, we must get the bed to the window.
19:15Yes.
19:16And tie the sheets to it.
19:17Come on, chaps.
19:19Lend a hand.
19:20Bed to window.
19:21Hey!
19:22Hey!
19:23Anyone inquire why?
19:24You're going out that way.
19:25And for heaven's sake, don't knock any slates off the roof with a star pair downstairs.
19:29Roger!
19:30Oh!
19:31I hope you enjoy the food and everything.
19:35Do not disturb us again.
19:38Now, Herr Flick.
19:43Helga, I think you should know that I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here.
19:49This comes as no surprise to me, Herr Flick.
19:51We are not here just to eat and drink.
19:54It is very exciting to be with a man who knows what he wants.
19:58Of course.
19:59The way you ordered the chocolate mousse sent shivers down my spine.
20:03Why is it everybody is so frightened of me?
20:06Deep down, I'm quite a softy.
20:09Destroy my illusions, Herr Flick.
20:12I did not wish to be in the Gestapo, you know.
20:15My godfather, Heinrich Himmler, insisted.
20:22I'm not sure about this wine.
20:25I expect the proprietor has the better bottles hidden in the cellar.
20:32I think you're right about the wine, Herr Flick.
20:35It's made me feel very warm all over.
20:38And, on the other hand, now that it has had a chance to breathe, it has a very mellow after taste.
20:55Has he reached the ground yet?
20:57No.
20:58He's climbing back.
20:59What for the idiot?
21:01Here.
21:02I have it, the picture.
21:04How much longer must we suffer the indignities of this world?
21:10Shut up.
21:11And seats too short.
21:15Couldn't you jump?
21:16Twenty foot and not in the parachute brigade.
21:19What's happening?
21:20The sheets are too short.
21:21They will have to go through the front door.
21:23But they will be questioned by the Germans.
21:26The Germans?
21:27Do not mention the Germans in front of my mother.
21:32It takes so long to clear up.
21:36There is only one answer.
21:37They will have to live disguised as Germans in German uniforms.
21:41German uniforms, she says.
21:43Where do we get German uniforms?
21:45Well, can your girls not help us?
21:48Well...
21:50Yvette.
21:51Dear, sweet, innocent little Yvette.
21:54Now, you know I would not ask this of you normally.
21:57But you will be doing it for France.
22:00I will be doing it for 1,000 francs.
22:04What about Maria?
22:06She'd do it for 750.
22:10You seem to be very much on edge, Herr Flick.
22:14Well, I have had a hard day.
22:16It is not easy being hated by so many people, you know.
22:20Not when you are as sensitive as I am.
22:22I think you are bearing up very well.
22:26Not as well as you.
22:31Does this relax you more?
22:33No.
22:35But I am enjoying it.
22:36You are actually asking us to lend you our uniforms.
22:43Colonel, believe me, it is the only way to get the picture to England to have it copied.
22:48But, Colonel, if the Gestapo ever found out that we have been helping British Airmen to escape, do you not think that they would be cross?
22:53If they find out about the stolen painting, they will be cross.
23:01Look! Look!
23:03You will be upstairs with the girls and your uniforms will be quietly stolen.
23:07After a brief but very enjoyable interval, they will be returned to you.
23:13Now, what do you say, Colonel?
23:15Look, the girls are waiting.
23:17Will there be time for the flying helmet and the wet celery?
23:21Just!
23:22I agree.
23:24What about you, Hans?
23:25Well, I am thinking about my little wife in Berlin.
23:27Uh... What about Maria and the egg whisk?
23:28Ah!
23:30I am thinking about my little wife in Berlin.
23:33Uh, what about Maria and the egg whisk?
23:39Well, I am thinking that Berlin is a very long way away.
23:46My wife is about the same size as Maria.
23:49Well, I am thinking...
23:52I am thinking that Berlin is a very long way away.
23:54my wife is about the same size as Maria height-wise it is all fixed but don't
24:04forget the boots boots get out of your talks chaps uniforms will be here any
24:20second what is happening they are taking off their clothes ready for their
24:29disguise they must not remove their trousers in front of my mother
24:35it is war I understand I say look at the crumpets
24:47you French people you have some very nice jewelry thank you I have a trinket
25:12that is much admired really short to you if you must yes ah yes there's a picture
25:28inside oh look oh yes what what lovely long blonde hair yes isn't it
25:36unfortunately he had to have it cut off when he joins the army are they ready
25:47well they're dressed but they're not very realistic
25:57and they've forgotten the painting the what the fallen Madonna with the big
26:03boobies I say chaps you've forgotten the picture no we haven't we took it out of
26:08the frame where is it now
26:14good night gentlemen come again soon give my love to the Fuhrer
26:29good night
26:35well cheerio
26:37hands there go our uniforms they promised them back in 15 minutes that was 10
26:52minutes ago how quickly the war passes when you're enjoying yourself
26:56is that a bit the cockles
27:03oh
27:06hey
27:06hey
27:07hey
27:08hey
27:09hey
27:10hey
27:11hey
27:12hey
27:13hey
27:14hey
27:15hey
27:16hey
27:17hey
27:18hey
27:19hey
27:20hey
27:21hey