- ayer
Smart has to testify against a recently captured well-known KAOS agent. With the trial date in two weeks, KAOS tries numerous methods to kill him during that time to make sure he doesn't reach the courthouse. A spoof of Witness for the Prosecution.
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TVTranscripción
00:00Hello.
00:11Oh, hi, 99.
00:13I'm at the rear entrance to the toy company.
00:15I have a feeling that the tip we got that this is a chaos information drop is a phony.
00:19Anything on your end?
00:21No, Max, not a thing.
00:23Wait a minute, 99, someone's coming.
00:30It's all right, it's just a kid.
00:36Hold it, 99, something's wrong.
00:43All right, I'll take that football, sonny.
00:48How did you know I wasn't a little boy?
00:50Really quite simple.
00:52Training, observation, and the fact that very few little boys can afford to smoke 50 cent cigars.
00:59I gotta break that habit.
01:01Football.
01:08Well, unless I miss my guess, this football should be the key to your whole operation.
01:14I think we'll just take a little trip down to headquarters.
01:17There's a few questions I'd like to ask you.
01:20That won't be necessary, Mr. Smart.
01:23I have the answer right here.
01:25Drop the gun, please.
01:26And the chute.
01:30All right, you may turn around.
01:33I prefer killing a man face to face.
01:36Don't shoot him.
01:38Just before I gave him the football, I activated the disrupt valve.
01:42It can go off any second.
01:45And if it hits the ground, it'll explode immediately.
01:47Max?
02:05Oh, no.
02:06Max, I was going to check on you, and this football fell right into my hand.
02:09In 99, that football is a bomb.
02:12Oh, no.
02:12Oh, yes.
02:13Oh, yes.
02:13I was going to check on you, and this football fell right into my hand.
02:17Oh, yes.
02:17Oh, yes.
02:18Oh, yes.
02:18Oh, yes.
02:19Oh, yes.
02:19Oh, yes.
02:19Oh, yes.
02:20Oh, yes.
02:20Oh, yes.
02:21Oh, yes.
02:22Oh, yes.
02:22Oh, yes.
02:23Oh, yes.
02:23Oh, yes.
02:24Oh, yes.
02:25Oh, yes.
02:26Oh, yes.
02:26Oh, yes.
02:27Oh, yes.
02:27Oh, yes.
02:28Oh, yes.
02:29Oh, yes.
02:30Oh, yes.
02:31Oh, yes.
02:32Oh, yes.
02:33Oh, yes.
02:34Oh, yes.
02:35Oh, yes.
02:36Oh, yes.
02:37Oh, yes.
02:38Oh, yes.
02:39Oh, yes.
02:40Oh, yes.
02:41¶¶
03:11Hold it!
03:23Come on, 99, let's get out of here. That thing is libel or go off any minute.
03:26No, Max. When I caught the football, I heard it ticking.
03:29It was a simple timing mechanism, so I defused it with my bobby pin.
03:33I put on a pretty good act, didn't I?
03:35You certainly did, 99, but you have to admit that my act of pretending to be frightened wasn't bad either.
03:41Max, you've been examining that football for 20 minutes,
03:47and you still haven't figured out how Chaos used it to transmit messages.
03:51Now, why don't you let Dr. Bascom examine it? After all, he is the head of our crime lab.
03:56Just a moment, Dr. Bascom. I think I found it.
04:00There's a Chaos coding device concealed in the bladder of this football, right?
04:05Wrong. Wrong.
04:07Max, nowadays, footballs are not made with bladders.
04:10You see, 99, nowadays, footballs are not made with bladders.
04:13In that case, it's obviously concealed in the pigskin, right?
04:17Wrong.
04:18Wrong. It's definitely not concealed in the pigskin.
04:20Max, may I?
04:23Very well, Dr. Bascom, but you're wasting your time.
04:26You'll find that outside of the bomb mechanism, this is just an ordinary football.
04:30You're right, it is.
04:32The coding device is right here in the laces.
04:36But that's brilliant, Dr. Bascom, absolutely brilliant.
04:39Oh, it was nothing.
04:41I agree with Dr. Bascom.
04:43What do you mean by that, Max?
04:44It was nothing.
04:45After all, Dr. Bascom is a scientific genius.
04:48Give him an ordinary brain like mine, and he would have been stumped, too.
04:51Well, you can't connect me to that football.
04:55Even if it is micro-wire, you'll never be able to prove I had anything to do with it.
04:59You're wrong, Mr. Tudbury.
05:01That little man in the football suit was a known chaos agent, and we have a witness to prove it.
05:06A witness?
05:07Gee, that's great, 99.
05:08Who is it?
05:09It's you, Max.
05:11Oh, of course, that's right.
05:13Well, Tudbury, when I testify in court, you're going away for a long, long time.
05:18In the meantime, you'll be kept right here in custody until the trial.
05:22I see.
05:24Well, if I am in custody, I'm entitled to one phone call, am I not?
05:27Yes, you are.
05:28That's the law.
05:36Hello.
05:37This is Tudbury.
05:39Control has me in custody.
05:42Now, this is an order.
05:44Get smart.
05:45Destroy him.
05:46Kill him.
05:47Murder him.
05:48He's calling chaos.
05:50He must not live to testify.
05:53Larrabee, get in here right away.
05:57Yes, sir.
05:58Larrabee, we'd better take him out and turn him over to security.
06:02Right, Dr. Bascom.
06:0799, did you hear what Tudbury said?
06:09I'm in a lot of danger.
06:11Don't worry, Max.
06:12Here's what we're going to do.
06:13Now, listen carefully.
06:14We've got to keep you out of sight for two weeks until after the Tudbury trial.
06:18Now, we'll pretend to keep you here in control headquarters.
06:21Actually, we'll take you on a helicopter to hideout B, which is the penthouse suite in the Warfield Hotel.
06:27Then, we'll take you down an express elevator to hideout C, which is the basement suite in the Warfield Hotel.
06:33Then, we'll take you out the back way, up the fire escape to hideout D, which is a shack on top of the Warfield Hotel.
06:39Have you got that?
06:40Not all of it, 99.
06:41What part didn't you get?
06:42The part I have to listen carefully.
06:44Don't worry, Max.
06:45I'll take you there myself.
06:46Believe me, chaos will never, never know where you are.
06:49I wouldn't be too sure of that, 99.
06:51Well, how could they possibly know?
06:54I forgot to hang up the telephone.
06:56They're still on the other end.
07:00So long, fellas.
07:01Max, with the devices I've installed, your apartment is the safest possible place.
07:12Ask him, I don't like it.
07:14I just don't like the idea of being cooped up in here all the time.
07:18But, Max, your life is at stake.
07:20Chaos will stop at nothing to kill you.
07:22It's only two weeks until the trial.
07:24That's great.
07:25I was supposed to play bongos at a love-in this Sunday.
07:29Max.
07:30Oh, all right.
07:31Now, let me show you how everything works.
07:34First, we have the cube of safety.
07:38Once inside, you will be completely protected from any possible destructive force.
07:49Now, if you'll all just step inside here for your own protection, I'll show you my second device.
08:01There, are you all right, smart?
08:10Yes, Pascom.
08:11But from now on, I think we should be on a first-name basis.
08:14The entire living room is crisscrossed with a network of laser beams.
08:19With this control knob, I can disintegrate anything within the room.
08:23Watch the left side of that wall.
08:26As a demonstration, I'll just turn this knob slightly.
08:33Thanks a lot, Doc.
08:35You've just destroyed my first pair of baby shoes and my 1965 Spire the Year award.
08:40Now, remember, Max, this is for your own safety.
08:47Oh, what about his bedroom, doctor?
08:49How's that protected?
08:50Simple.
08:50Follow me.
08:51Now, smart, you just press this button.
08:57And anyone trying to walk up those stairs leading to the bedroom will be completely disintegrated.
09:02The beams also can be activated by a similar button inside the bedroom.
09:06Now, just a minute, Pascom.
09:08Supposing I get up in the middle of the night and I have to go wash out a pair of socks or something.
09:13I come down those stairs and I'm disintegrated.
09:16Mr. Smart?
09:17Mr. Smart, I demand an explanation.
09:23Just a minute, Mrs. Macklin.
09:24I'd like you to meet two colleagues of mine who work with me at the greeting card company.
09:29This is Miss Primrose, who takes care of our Easter greetings.
09:32And this is Mr. Pepperfeathers, who's in charge of births and bereavements.
09:38Now, what is it you wanted to talk about, Mrs. Macklin?
09:41Mr. Smart, I demand an explanation.
09:43All day today, there were people running all over the building, up on the roof and down in the basement.
09:48And it all seems to have something to do with your apartment.
09:52What's going on here?
09:54Uh, yes.
09:55Well, I guess congratulations are in order.
09:57You see, Mrs. Macklin, I've just been wired for the Nielsen ratings.
10:01I represent the entire East Coast middle-income bachelor group.
10:06I'm warning you, Mr. Smart, I won't stand for any more nonsense.
10:12Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go and change your linen.
10:17Max, the laser beam.
10:19Oh.
10:26Why did you do that?
10:27I just saved your life.
10:31Look at that.
10:36I turned it off when she came in the room.
10:38I'm warning you, I'm about fed up, but I'm not going to stand for any more trouble.
10:42Do you understand that?
10:44No more.
10:45No more.
10:46No more.
10:47No more.
10:51Poor Mrs. Macklin.
10:53She needs a fella.
10:55That's her problem.
10:57But, 99, you can't stay here all night.
11:03Oh, Max, we're in this together.
11:05I want to feel that you're safe.
11:08But you're a girl.
11:09What if my mother walked in?
11:11She just got used to seeing me in long pants.
11:13Oh, Max, it's my job.
11:15Just think of me as any other agent, like Fred Brown.
11:18If he were here, it wouldn't embarrass you, would it?
11:21Okay, 99.
11:22Okay.
11:23I'm not going to throw you out.
11:25You can stay.
11:26But I'll tell you this much.
11:27I think it's a rotten idea.
11:29Good night, Max.
11:30Good night, Fred.
11:34Max, be sure to activate your laser protector before you go to bed.
11:37Right, 99.
11:39And would you please hang your jacket somewhere else?
11:40I can't see you.
11:41Oh, sure.
11:4699, where are you?
11:47I'm in the living room.
11:49I'm watching on closed-circuit TV.
11:51Dr. Bascom hooked it up so I could keep an eye on you at all times.
11:57Where's the camera?
11:58Right in the picture.
11:59Closed-circuit TV, huh?
12:06Yeah.
12:06I can see everything you do.
12:09All right.
12:10Just a minute, 99.
12:11That's going a little bit too far.
12:13I mean, you're invading my privacy.
12:15To say nothing of my modesty.
12:17Max, I've seen your Adam's apple before.
12:19Besides, Max, it's cute.
12:21But this is ridiculous, 99.
12:23I mean, there's no need to have to come right into my bedroom and watch everything I do.
12:26The next thing I know, you'll be telling me there's a chaos agent under my bed.
12:30Did you look, Max?
12:38Would you believe two chaos agents?
12:40Max, I've seen you!
12:55Max!
12:55Max!
12:56Help!
12:58Hey!
13:01Hey!
13:03Hey, hey!
13:06Max, it worked just like Dr. Bascom said it would.
13:18It disintegrated everything.
13:2199, it's horrible.
13:23Well, I wouldn't waste any sympathy on those agents, Max.
13:25They were going to kill you.
13:27I wasn't worried about them.
13:29It's just that I rented this apartment furnished.
13:32And it's going to be pretty difficult to furnish around this piece of carpet.
13:43Max, what happened?
13:44What are you doing here?
13:45Why aren't you in your apartment?
13:46I was evicted.
13:47Evicted? Why?
13:48I disintegrated my lease.
13:50Terrible chance going out in the street.
13:52What if you were seen by chaos agents?
13:54I was. How do you think I got like this?
13:56They shot at me twice, tried to stab me, and run me over with a vegetable truck.
14:00The town's swarming with chaos agents.
14:02Yes, well, don't worry. They won't take me alive.
14:04And don't tell me they want me dead.
14:06They want you dead, Max.
14:08I asked you not to tell me that.
14:10Max, we've got to find a safe place for you to stay.
14:14Dr. Bascom, you have a little place here in town, haven't you?
14:16Yes, at the Kimberly Arms.
14:18Well, that's right across from the courthouse.
14:20That's a perfect place for Max to hide.
14:22And I'll bet it's equipped with all those special safety devices of yours, too.
14:25No, they are much too dangerous.
14:27Well, even so, no one would think of finding Max there.
14:29I guess you're right, but I'm used to living alone and having to spend two weeks with him.
14:34Well, it's obvious, Dr. Bascom, that you don't want me to stay with you.
14:38Please, Dr. Bascom, it's the only possible place for Max to stay.
14:41All right, Max.
14:42Will you stay with me?
14:44Well, that's the most half-hearted invitation I've ever had.
14:48Fear tells me I should accept.
14:49But pride tells me I should refuse.
15:00I accept.
15:08138!
15:10Max, I'm trying to go to sleep.
15:13Would you mind counting to yourself, please?
15:17Right.
15:17That feels good.
15:28Max, would you grunt to yourself?
15:31I've had a very rough day.
15:33I've got to get some sleep.
15:35Very well.
15:36I'm finished anyway.
15:37I'm ready for bed.
15:38Good.
15:39When the saints go marching in, when the saints go marching in, I want to be with that number, when the saints go marching in.
15:53Max, what are you doing?
16:09I'm fluffing my pillow.
16:10I can't sleep without a fluff pillow.
16:12Go marching in, I want to be with that number, when the saints go marching in, I want to be with that number.
16:24Max, why did you do that?
16:30Because everybody knows that when you elevate your feet, the blood rushes to your brains.
16:35that way you have more intelligent dreams
16:38all right
16:40all right
16:42just turn off the light
16:44what?
16:47turn off the light
16:48and sleep in the dark?
16:50oh I couldn't do that
16:52why not?
16:54the golly woggles might get me
16:56Max, I've had it
17:00now look, make your choice
17:02either you sleep in here with the light off
17:04or you go in the work room on the bench
17:06okay
17:07but I don't see much future for this relationship
17:10it's only our first night
17:12and already I'm sleeping in the other room
17:26if there's anything I'm more afraid of than golly woggles
17:29it's like me
17:30Bascom
17:37try not to break the yolks this time
17:39will you?
17:46and this toast is terrible
17:47don't let it get cold before you butter it
17:50that coffee tastes terrible
17:56it's stale
17:56well it's supposed to be good reheated
17:59not ten days in a row
18:01Max, you're not the easiest person in the world to live with
18:04the least you could do is try to say something nice once in a while
18:08after all I do work my fingers to the bone around here
18:11I'm sorry Bascom
18:13it's just, well, I'm a little upset today
18:16you know you didn't come home until two o'clock this morning
18:20I was working at the lab
18:22I waited up for you
18:25I'm sorry Max, you shouldn't have done that
18:28you could have called
18:29well, I didn't want to wake you up
18:32wake me up
18:33I was lying there all night staring at the ceiling
18:36Max, Max, you've got to get a hold of yourself
18:39you've been cooped up too long, that's your problem
18:43look, it's only three days until the trial
18:45and then you'll be free to do whatever you want
18:47and go wherever you please
18:48could we go to a movie?
18:51anyway, only stop complaining
18:54you know, every morning it's been the same thing
18:56complain, complain, complain
18:59now here, eat your eggs
19:01you broke the yolks again
19:17hello
19:30Max, we're in a courthouse office
19:46right across from Dr. Bascom's apartment
19:48now the trial begins in a half hour
19:50all you have to do is get across the street
19:52no problem, 99
19:54there's a crosswalk there and everything
19:55Max, chaos is bound to try to kill you
19:58before you reach the courthouse
19:59this is their last chance
20:01now what do you think you'll need in the way of protection?
20:03are you kidding?
20:04just to go across the street?
20:06those last 90 feet are going to be
20:08the most dangerous of your life, Max
20:10Dr. Bascom suggests four men in an armored car
20:13no, no, 99
20:15that's exactly the kind of thing
20:17chaos is expecting
20:18I'm better off just crossing the street by myself
20:21using nothing but my wits
20:24are you sure?
20:26positive
20:26he says he wants to get across the street himself
20:32using only his wits
20:33I hate to see him go so unprotected
20:36boy that was close officer
20:51I almost got killed
20:52naturally you were jaywalking
20:53I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that
20:55but they were shooting at me
20:57that's homicide, I'm traffic
20:59name please
21:00Maxwell Smart, Secret Agent 86
21:03of control
21:05oh, trying to use influence, eh?
21:08attitude uncooperative
21:10they're trying to kill me
21:12probably
21:13shine here please
21:14now you cross the street illegally
21:20now go back and cross legally
21:22get going, buddy
21:25hello, cab company
21:43I've got a little job for you
21:45oh, I've got a little job for myself
21:51it could damn well
21:52oh, I'm sorry
21:52oh, I'm sorry
21:52I'm sorry
21:53yeah
21:54I've got a little job for you
21:54I don't want diし
21:55I have to go back and ask you
21:55I gotta give you a look
21:56yeah
21:57oh, OK
21:57let's go back and say
21:58I just want round to work
21:59Hello, honey.
22:29Max, we've been watching you try to get across the street.
22:41You can't do it yourself.
22:42You need help.
22:43Well, maybe you're right, 99.
22:45You have any suggestions?
22:47Dr. Bascom has a plan.
22:49It's a little bit wild, but it might work.
22:51Okay, shoot, 99.
22:53Is that you?
22:55No, Max.
22:56That was chaos.
22:57Now, here's the deal.
22:59You go up to the roof, and we'll shoot you a line.
23:02You secure your end, and then just slide down the wire into the courthouse.
23:06Oh, just like a ski lift, eh?
23:08Hey, that's a great idea.
23:16Here he comes, doctor.
23:20They've hit him, doctor.
23:21They've hit him.
23:26Max!
23:27Horrible, horrible.
23:28Oh, Max!
23:28Max!
23:29Max!
23:29Oh, no!
23:39Max!
23:40Oh, look what they've done to him!
23:42Max, speak to me!
23:44He was one of the bravest agents we've ever had.
23:47Well, he certainly showed us what he was made of.
23:49Yes, doctor.
23:51Rags!
23:52Rags!
23:53What?
23:54Rags!
23:55He's filled with rags.
23:56This isn't Max.
23:57It's a dummy.
23:58Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
24:01Then that means Max is still across the street, right?
24:06Wrong.
24:06I told you I'd make it 99, and I did.
24:11While they were shooting at the dummy, I just casually walked across the street.
24:14Oh, Max, you did it.
24:16You outsmarted chaos.
24:18Yes.
24:19Well, 99, they're really not too bright.
24:20They shot the wrong dummy.
24:21You outsmarted chaos.
24:52No, no, no!
24:56No, no!
24:58Oh, I told you I did.
25:09Oh, my God!
25:13Yeah.
25:15Oh, my God!
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