- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13And the tears are raining down
00:05:14It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your 6-0 levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:51Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll save him for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Marie!
00:12:26Marie!
00:12:28Yes?
00:12:28Marie!
00:12:30Marie!
00:12:30Marie!
00:12:32Marie!
00:12:32Marie!
00:12:33Marie!
00:12:34Marie!
00:12:34Marie!
00:12:35Marie!
00:12:37Marie!
00:12:37Marie!
00:12:38Yes?
00:12:40Well, tonight beauty's sleep has done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:45Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks. Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, erm, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59All right, then.
00:14:00See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs, a lot of them.
00:14:42Did he score?
00:14:47Lows in. 3-1.
00:15:12Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sorry, sorry.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:12I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:13Geoffrey.
00:16:14She's a bird.
00:16:15You having a coffee with us?
00:16:16No, thanks, kid.
00:16:17Neville's ravenous.
00:16:18You've just eaten.
00:16:19Oh, of course.
00:16:20Yeah.
00:16:21Sorry.
00:16:22You see.
00:16:23You see.
00:16:24What I thought was always trying to do...
00:16:25By implication.
00:16:26Probably by implication.
00:16:27Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:32You see.
00:16:33Yes.
00:16:34Was he the errand boy?
00:16:35Was he the errand boy?
00:16:36Was who the errand boy?
00:16:37Ken Thingy.
00:16:38He directed it.
00:16:39Oh, yes.
00:16:40I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:41Probably.
00:16:42Probably.
00:16:43You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:44Oh, yes.
00:16:45Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:46It's over 200 yards.
00:16:47It's a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:48You see.
00:16:49Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was who the errand boy?
00:16:52Ken Thingy.
00:16:53He directed it.
00:16:54Oh, yes.
00:16:55I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:56Probably.
00:16:57You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:58Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:59It's over 200 yards.
00:17:00And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:01Like a person.
00:17:02Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:03Sex.
00:17:04Marriage.
00:17:05Pardon?
00:17:06The number of boys that's all.
00:17:07I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:09I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:10Probably.
00:17:11You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:13Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:15It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:18Like a person.
00:17:20Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls it is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:00Sex.
00:18:01That's what I said.
00:18:02Oh.
00:18:03Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:04Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:05No.
00:18:06No.
00:18:07No.
00:18:08No.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40No.
00:18:41No.
00:18:42No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45No.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47No.
00:18:48No.
00:18:49No.
00:18:50No.
00:18:51No.
00:18:52No.
00:18:53No.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:20:01I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:10The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26327-4421.
00:20:27Good night.
00:20:28327-4421.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:58Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh!
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:57How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:06What?
00:22:07Wow!
00:22:08She doesn't then.
00:22:10You don't listen, do you?
00:22:11I said...
00:22:12How about Sandra?
00:22:13Chips.
00:22:14German sod.
00:22:15Not seen him tonight then.
00:22:16Hmm?
00:22:17Who?
00:22:18I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:19I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:20You don't listen, do you?
00:22:21I said...
00:22:22I didn't lie.
00:22:23Ha, what about Daddy?
00:22:24Why could you have a boy?
00:22:25What am I so, no, I mean...
00:22:26This night's女?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chips.
00:22:29Chips.
00:22:30Chips.
00:22:31Chips.
00:22:32Chips.
00:22:35Chips.
00:22:36Chips.
00:22:37Chips.
00:22:40Chips.
00:22:41Chips.
00:22:42Chips.
00:22:43Chips.
00:22:44Chips.
00:22:46Chips.
00:22:47Chips.
00:22:48Chips.
00:22:49Chips. Chips.
00:22:50Chips. Chips. Chips.
00:22:51said he was no one special got a phone here why they haven't have they do you
00:23:06want to get some nookie lined up or something if I did do you think I'd be
00:23:09playing dance with you two look are you fed up here are you we'll split after
00:23:16this game anything you say you can go for a few of the Kingshead great and that ends
00:23:22our probe well Monday tomorrow I don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is you're being done good night
00:23:46morning morning
00:24:01John for Pope long may you reign I'm in what's going on
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Except those.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52What do you think, then?
00:25:06Three one more.
00:25:08Just as the sun was rising.
00:25:12I heard a maiden singing in the valley.
00:25:16My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:30Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:50Five.
00:25:52Five.
00:25:54Five.
00:25:56Which is...
00:25:58Which is...
00:26:00Three and two is five.
00:26:02Which is two less than seven.
00:26:04Which is...
00:26:06Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:24Oh.
00:26:25My lot.
00:26:26And the third stroke.
00:26:28It will be seven twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:36It will be seven twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:44All over by seven twenty-three precisely.
00:26:48So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:56Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:06Hi.
00:27:24It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:40For example, we're things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:46Like what?
00:27:50We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:53Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:58We're both from Manchester.
00:28:01Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:20Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:23Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:30No.
00:28:31Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Mm.
00:28:46He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:04You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:12I don't think I have.
00:29:13It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:14See?
00:29:15Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:16He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:17It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:18It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:19Men can do anything.
00:29:20Conquer Everest.
00:29:21Do heart transplants.
00:29:22Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:23Anything.
00:29:25Geoffrey, anything!
00:29:27Geoffrey, anything!
00:29:28Geoffrey, anything!
00:29:30Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:33He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:34He must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:37It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:38Men can do anything.
00:29:39Conquer Everest.
00:29:40Do heart transplants.
00:29:42Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:45Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl.
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:45It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:04What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:44I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:31Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38You used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:20Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48!
00:37:04Okay.
00:37:09Good.
00:37:10Good.
00:37:11Good.
00:37:11Good.
00:37:11Good.
00:37:12Good.
00:37:12Good.
00:37:12Good.
00:37:13It's all.
00:37:14Good.
00:37:15良�� call.
00:37:15Good.
00:37:15Good.
00:37:17John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:47Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51What?
00:38:52Did she turn you on?
00:38:56Beryl?
00:38:57Yeah.
00:38:58I hadn't really looked.
00:38:59Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:04Not quite all.
00:39:05I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:06It must be my birthday.
00:39:07Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:09I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:10They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:12Yes, they are.
00:39:13Mm-hmm.
00:39:14They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:15Yes, they are.
00:39:16it must be my birthday
00:39:24boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one
00:39:34they aren't all after Percy Phil's
00:39:39yes they are
00:39:41oh you were terrific on the bus
00:39:46terrific self-control
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life
00:39:56or am I thinking of someone else
00:39:58mother I don't happen to be interested in boys
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed
00:40:05with me mo felt tip pen
00:40:06it's run out of ink I used it for me laundry list
00:40:09my god your generation's got a few things to answer for
00:40:12oh please oh don't please you can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep
00:40:21well let's go inside then
00:40:25smooth-talking bastard
00:40:28it is me birthday
00:40:35what about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent
00:40:40I don't believe that question
00:40:41you used to be crazy about him
00:40:44I was 11 years old he used to let me chalk on his tortoise
00:40:49yes
00:40:53ok
00:40:58what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no
00:41:26Steven when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows
00:41:43you the art of conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:53testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework no they just mark it anyone
00:42:57can mark it they've got the answers do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing
00:43:08here then well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy how do you do
00:43:22don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep even big astronauts do you know where babies come from do you say no
00:43:43no I don't say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and
00:43:52erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has who told you that then they go to
00:44:05the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:12did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time no that's people
00:44:33that's people what is well people do it all the time whenever they feel like it
00:44:50in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork good night Jeremy
00:44:56in the next class you can do it again
00:44:59what's your name really?
00:45:00on the next class?
00:45:02it's a long time when you've got 20
00:45:0425p?
00:45:0650
00:45:0850
00:45:1050
00:45:1250
00:45:1450
00:45:1550
00:45:1650
00:45:1650
00:45:1850
00:45:1950
00:45:2150
00:45:2250
00:45:2350
00:45:2450
00:45:2550
00:45:26Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:34Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:37A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:41Goodnight, love.
00:45:44We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:49You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:53Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day. Tomorrow?
00:46:07No. Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where? I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:18What Wrens? The Royal Navy.
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:29and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:27I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:05It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:39Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:42Finally splitting up.
00:49:43He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:44Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:45It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:46Finally splitting up.
00:49:47He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:48Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:49Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:49:50The entire night.
00:49:51It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:53Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:55Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:56Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:49:59The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:01I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:03I won't even consider the rent.
00:50:04It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:11Send mine knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:13Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11Did you?
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:22Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:04I had this bad scene, Miss Chip, and decided to split.
00:52:19So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:37This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:56Hmm?
00:52:56I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39What's that like?
00:54:40You see?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville, okay?
00:54:59Mm.
00:55:00Come on.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:15A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:22All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:26You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11No, thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:41We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51What we believe is...
00:56:52Now.
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01Who?
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19End.
00:57:20End.
00:57:21Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville.
00:57:24Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I know.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Reverend.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22It's nice.
00:58:47I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:48Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:14Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:31She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:39Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:40Put your legs...
00:59:41That's better.
00:59:42It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
00:59:43Oh, no.
00:59:44Oh, no.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:53Oh.
00:59:56Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs...
01:00:00Oh.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Oh.
01:00:12Call Dr. Wise, put a quillmslow road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time.
01:00:56Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:28Good night.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:58Good morning.
01:02:00Good morning.
01:02:02Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:04Can I?
01:02:08Good morning.
01:02:10Good morning.
01:02:12Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18Good morning.
01:02:19I'm okay.
01:02:23Good morning.
01:02:24Good morning.
01:02:26Good morning.
01:02:28Bye, everyone.
01:02:30Come let me go.
01:02:32And I'm tooiesta.
01:02:33Bye.
01:02:35Friends.
01:02:37I am so wired skiing.
01:02:38I am so devastated to the perchéranking center,
01:02:41who is going to charge her relationship with whom I persevere,
01:02:44A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:05Huddersfield Town.
01:06:07In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:42Go on!
01:07:02Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:12I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean permissive, permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:36The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Oh, my God.
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it if I said to you do you think
01:09:23Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're
01:09:27happily married I don't think so Beryl would giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say that I
01:09:40haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship with
01:09:50another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically I never said you were you
01:09:54think it all right Geoffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at
01:10:51hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:07oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's yours Sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if God had meant sardines
01:11:23to be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried to
01:11:37find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what I know spells and how many of us
01:11:42school pals are getting married and what I know spells and what I know spells great I might as well
01:11:50go bold and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now
01:11:59good night area good one day terrific especially when he said good night we're just enjoying ourselves
01:12:10having a good time just having fun being happy I take two a day after meals and one if you find
01:12:20yourself crying hard out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look Beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark then we'll both be happy right right good Jesus Christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell pounds up again see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you're going
01:13:11Jeffrey I'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22I keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:36what
01:13:37had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit I can remember is and that's what I think
01:13:50last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56grace who
01:13:57she was playing for United as well
01:13:59weird isn't it
01:14:01the main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:15so what face do I want to
01:14:25see what I think
01:14:25go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:28no mine wasn't
01:14:31Beryl
01:14:42are you happy
01:14:48of course
01:14:49very
01:14:51I am
01:14:54no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:14:58no
01:15:01I'm not
01:15:04do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:10probably
01:15:17not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words
01:15:22mostly in words to that effect
01:15:24is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:40no
01:15:42I don't think so
01:15:43honestly no
01:15:44nothing
01:15:46if there is
01:15:47you just tell me and I'll stop doing it
01:15:49there isn't anything
01:15:49honest
01:15:50good
01:15:51it wouldn't upset me
01:15:55it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:15:58like
01:16:04you know
01:16:05crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:08well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks Beryl
01:16:13if I did I'd stop
01:16:14to please you
01:16:16I see
01:16:20there's no need to be sensitive Geoffrey
01:16:27in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:31your mother
01:16:33pardon
01:16:34I like your mother
01:16:35please don't sulk Geoffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:37sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:40well you ought to know
01:16:43you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridgette Bardot
01:16:50according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:05I am
01:17:05start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl you do I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:20the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about
01:17:37that's really lovable
01:17:38I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:45used to say dig before I met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:01there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:30I think so
01:18:34we just don't like each other
01:18:37at all
01:18:39oh goodbye then
01:18:52good luck
01:18:54peace man
01:18:56Saint Anne Square
01:19:01Saint Anne Square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot
01:19:15two matinee coats
01:19:17two romper suits
01:19:19and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:25wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:27oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:31no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:34oh sorry
01:19:36what about
01:19:38skip it
01:19:39about time too
01:19:41with her sympathy
01:19:42not that I need any actually
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:46but she doesn't know that
01:19:48if I'm looking miserable Sandra
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:00how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03ace
01:20:09she used to wear pink you know
01:20:12I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:19wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk Jeffrey
01:20:26I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it
01:20:31hmm
01:20:33sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well Sandra
01:20:37this is it
01:20:39yep
01:20:40the big day
01:20:41yep
01:20:42coming to the crutch
01:20:44crunch
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again
01:20:49you mustn't think I'll be crying inside
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that I am
01:20:57because I shan't
01:20:59truly
01:21:00Sandra please
01:21:03you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:20fine
01:21:21is this fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:23about there lovely
01:21:24you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow
01:21:28official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30ow
01:21:33oh sorry
01:21:35that's right
01:21:36hold it
01:21:37lovely
01:21:39thank you
01:21:40right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43right
01:21:43funny
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met
01:21:47how have you been
01:21:49absolutely great
01:21:51you
01:21:52never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:54it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:00it's tuna fish
01:22:03it's life
01:22:05see president Nick
01:22:13somewhere to China then
01:22:14that was before we ever met
01:22:16why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:33why is he going
01:22:35no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12aw
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:17good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:22still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:35for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bit
01:23:47and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well
01:24:13we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16thank you
01:24:39hello mrs. Battersby
01:24:58you won't remember me
01:25:00good afternoon Geoffrey
01:25:02is Beryl there please
01:25:08she's gone to the football match
01:25:10there is no football
01:25:13it's cricket now
01:25:14well it's the same thing isn't it
01:25:16when's the kick-off?
01:25:43in about three months
01:25:46football season's over now Beryl
01:25:48well what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot
01:25:53I'm not all that interested these days
01:25:56where will you go now then?
01:26:00don't know
01:26:01could always go inside and practice booing for next season
01:26:07where will you?
01:26:11might go and get a new pair of tights
01:26:13hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:18fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20may as well
01:26:20if you like
01:26:21don't mind
01:26:22why not?
01:26:24just as friends
01:26:25oh I meant just as friends
01:26:27yeah I did
01:26:28wish we had a ball
01:26:36you could play shooting in
01:26:40you could go in goal
01:26:43amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:51well we're certainly much happier without each other
01:27:07well we're certainly much happier without each other
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else
01:27:24anyone really
01:27:26there's millions to choose from
01:27:35all nearly exactly right for us
01:27:40you'll find someone Geoffrey
01:27:43you will Beryl
01:27:45just a matter of keeping your eyes open really
01:27:48picking one out of the crowd
01:27:51you'll find someone else
01:28:21And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
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