- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44we've never seen him in real life though
00:01:58and he's picturing the papers
00:02:00oh come on Sandra let's go
00:02:03no I don't want to
00:02:04but he might come in a minute
00:02:08but that was yesterday
00:02:11he might be here today
00:02:12come on we're supposed to be going shopping
00:02:16but he might please let's go
00:02:18oh no
00:02:23I told you so didn't I
00:02:25feel a right twit now
00:02:26I don't fancy yours
00:02:29which is mine
00:02:31any except the blonde
00:02:33oh good
00:02:36who are being stared at
00:02:38well
00:02:39don't fancy yours
00:02:43which is mine
00:02:46any
00:02:47except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs
00:02:49thanks
00:02:53neither do I
00:02:54fancy the one with the twitch
00:02:57about as much as Mao Zedong's granddad
00:03:02with all due respect
00:03:04to his granddad
00:03:05ask him if they do a turn
00:03:07you
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up
00:03:11there's a protest at never getting any
00:03:12ignore them
00:03:14hi
00:03:23hi
00:03:24hi
00:03:25hi
00:03:25hi
00:03:26hi
00:03:27hi
00:03:27hi
00:03:28peace ma'am
00:03:33were you hoping to see Georgie Best
00:03:37he's in Majorca
00:03:38come on then
00:03:40may only get an hour for lunch
00:03:42it's a discotheque
00:03:45in Albert Square
00:03:46come on
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights
00:03:56it's our lunch hour
00:03:59it's ours
00:04:01we were going for lunch
00:04:04shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca
00:04:11it's one place I've never been
00:04:13pardon
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached
00:04:21I'm Beryl
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised
00:04:25don't you worry
00:04:43love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:48but they go together fine
00:04:53every single time
00:04:58first you're up there
00:05:04on another plane and then you're nowhere
00:05:08and the tears are raining down
00:05:13it's a run around
00:05:17love and rainy weather
00:05:23surely can get you down
00:05:28not going twisting tonight then
00:05:34that's the modern name for it isn't it
00:05:39what
00:05:40cutting a rug
00:05:42pardon
00:05:44grooving Mildred
00:05:46it's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48grooving and or freaking
00:05:50right
00:05:51what I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52right
00:05:53right on
00:05:55you're staying in tonight then
00:05:57tonight
00:05:58tomorrow night
00:05:59every night
00:06:00they might sell me overcoat
00:06:03life's not all pleasure you know
00:06:05Mildred don't hassle the lad
00:06:08hustle
00:06:09it's a different world today Mildred
00:06:13we had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17they do their own thing
00:06:19the usual 1300 weight
00:06:21now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for
00:06:28full page advert for contraception
00:06:31it's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36what's that supposed to mean
00:06:39it's the hip way cool people say
00:06:41I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05no really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08some people don't
00:07:11I do
00:07:13Beryl
00:07:14please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21he doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night
00:07:24and please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six old levels
00:07:29you were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35terrific self-control
00:07:37what did you say your name was?
00:07:43what did you say your name was?
00:07:44mind you just a weekend I do with you Paul
00:08:05not a dirty weekend
00:08:07a disgusting one
00:08:10night night
00:08:14Percy filth
00:08:16have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28it's not my fault
00:08:29it's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32it's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41ah
00:08:46oh Sandra
00:09:04it is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07what's wrong?
00:09:12just being brave
00:09:15what about?
00:09:17ending it all
00:09:18before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening haven't I?
00:09:31not yet
00:09:32not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing
00:09:40straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44overnight
00:09:45that was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your Tutankham and Butter dish
00:09:53what?
00:10:03got it
00:10:04got what?
00:10:06you now ask
00:10:07if I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday
00:10:15half seven
00:10:16outside central library
00:10:17no I don't
00:10:18tomorrow
00:10:20half seven
00:10:20outside central library
00:10:21then when I say okay
00:10:24does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo
00:10:26it does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking
00:10:38and cleaning
00:10:39you wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother
00:10:43in case it interferes with my career
00:10:45we're just good friends
00:10:47good night
00:10:49Miss Bardot
00:11:03marry me
00:11:06you know what they say
00:11:10once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13you never touch anything else
00:11:14about time and all
00:11:31aye
00:11:31aye
00:11:32peace man
00:11:33did you have a good time this night?
00:11:38great
00:11:38this is you?
00:11:40satisfied
00:11:40I say it in for a change
00:11:42did you get much?
00:11:47did you?
00:11:52did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55not that I have done
00:11:56paid in for a change instead
00:11:59let's go
00:12:13and then
00:12:14Ticket!
00:12:14I ain't got my ticket
00:12:16we're late already
00:12:18see you behind the goal then
00:12:20late already. see you behind the goal then.
00:12:40well tonight's beauty sleeps done nothing for her. snooty old bag.
00:12:46trendy. crimson shoes with bottle green socks. must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56still, who else would have him? anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:14probably an omen seeing her before the match. bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20well i'm certainly not making the first move. at least i've got me proud.
00:13:24oh hello.
00:13:26oh hi. hi. didn't see you. no normie.
00:13:32are you going that way? yeah. not specially, no.
00:13:38are you going that? yeah. well, um, no. i was sort of...
00:13:42going to the football match? are you? shopping.
00:13:46i'm probably going to the pictures tonight. i am. which? which are you? any? i am.
00:13:58see you then. tonight?
00:14:08what? pardon? oh, i...
00:14:10all right then.
00:14:12right.
00:14:18super socks.
00:14:20did you see that? they're all on drugs. the lot of them.
00:14:28probably.
00:14:46okay.
00:14:47Nice score.
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:20I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace man. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Anywhere controversial?
00:15:38The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:45Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:49Oh.
00:15:51What do you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:08fair sort of bird, sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13Yes.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:38By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was who the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:58Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:02Oh.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Nice house.
00:19:0625-year mortgage.
00:19:07Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:08Funny, isn't it?
00:19:09First date with someone.
00:19:10It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:11Either nothing.
00:19:12Or something.
00:19:13Or everything.
00:19:14Well, doesn't it.
00:19:15Well, doesn't it.
00:19:16It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:18Either nothing.
00:19:19Or something.
00:19:20Or everything.
00:19:21Well, doesn't it.
00:19:22It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:23Either nothing.
00:19:24Or something.
00:19:26Or everything.
00:19:27Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:28I'm not.
00:19:29No, I'm not.
00:19:30Night-night.
00:19:31God bless.
00:19:32Night-night.
00:19:33Night-night.
00:19:34God bless.
00:19:35Night-night.
00:19:36God bless.
00:20:02I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:07What is it?
00:20:08327-4421.
00:20:09The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Erm.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26327-4421.
00:20:28Night.
00:20:32The End
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:22:59Why?
00:23:01They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:19And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:49Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may he reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:52We never see anything.
00:24:52we never see anything.
00:24:52ali,ni,ni,ni,ni.
00:25:00My timing not disturbing your singing I hope. See Geoffrey on Sunday. Oh, Geoffrey. That
00:25:25Neville's the greatest. Is he dishy or is he dishy? I'm considering packing Geoffrey in. One date was enough. Why? He's cancer and I'm Libra. Is that bad? Hopeless. Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:55Five. Five. Which is... Which is... Three and two is five. Which is two less than seven. Which is... Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza. Bank clocks. Your lot? Football supporters. Hippies. Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then. Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed,
00:28:52his stride quietly casual,
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:57and his strong mouth ready to break
00:28:59into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey,
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:11Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else
00:29:25when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey, bobbles, bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just heard a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm okay.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:55Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well red barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thorn me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:13Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:37:10Thanks.
00:37:11But.
00:37:11See.
00:37:34Bye.
00:37:34Bye.
00:37:35Bye.
00:37:35Bye.
00:37:37Bye.
00:37:39Bye.
00:37:40John for Pope. Long may reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:55That's right.
00:37:57Going somewhere incredible.
00:37:59I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:07Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:36You're literally unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:12Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:13Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:17I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:18They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:19Yes they are.
00:39:20Mmm.
00:39:21Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:22Was it?
00:39:23Mmm.
00:39:24Terrific self-control.
00:39:25Terrific self-control.
00:39:27Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:30Oh, I don't know.
00:39:31Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:32Was it?
00:39:33Mmm.
00:39:34Terrific self-control.
00:39:35Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:37Oh, I don't know.
00:39:38I don't know.
00:39:39I don't know.
00:39:40I don't know.
00:39:41I don't know.
00:39:42I don't know.
00:39:43I don't know.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48He used to be a tortoise.
00:40:49I don't know what he's going to do.
00:40:51He used to be a tortoise.
00:40:52I can't believe he was a tortoise.
00:40:53what's your name again what's yours rock
00:41:23that's not your real name no Steven when I first met you in the street I
00:41:40thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of conversation ain't
00:41:45dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:15testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever
00:42:24wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't my mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:56in these testes
00:43:57that he has as well
00:43:58and he goes through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus
00:44:01that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:31no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class
00:44:51you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53goodnight Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03goodnight uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34hey Veronica
00:45:35yes?
00:45:37who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning?
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42goodnight love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we?
00:45:50and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you?
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow?
00:46:08no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens?
00:46:22the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:23this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we?
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51goodnight love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast?
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey
00:47:52you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:18I knew you'd come here
00:48:29I knew you'd like to know
00:48:30but he wanted to be a part of the world
00:48:31I don't know
00:48:32I'm sorry
00:48:33I don't know
00:48:33but now
00:48:34what's going on?
00:48:34it's down again
00:48:36it's down again
00:48:36up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:42You know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey, lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:41It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:05Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:01Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42What's a beautiful bag, baby?
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Mine?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:02But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26The child.
00:54:26I'm really dirty.
00:54:29Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Kissing over.
00:54:43What's that like?
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:16Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51Perfect girl.
00:57:52Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:14Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:18Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:53Do you know...
00:58:55Come on, Beryl.
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:33Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:39Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:02Huh?
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:23What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:03Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know
01:02:15if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I.
01:02:33Good.
01:03:00Good morning.
01:03:00Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Sir Hart.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:56I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I'm a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:07You'd like some nice, fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning.
01:05:24It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madame?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madame.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:05:58Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The, the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:51I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:56I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United, I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39So, well, uh, boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, uh, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically out to...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey, I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:13Marriage?
01:10:14Never.
01:10:15Well, until I am.
01:10:16If I ever do.
01:10:17Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:18For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:20No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:39No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother stared here as you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:47Great!
01:11:48I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute. End it now. Good night.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day after meals.
01:12:18And one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:55Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Time's up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:33Says we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:15We do.
01:14:16We do.
01:14:17We do.
01:14:18We do.
01:14:19We do.
01:14:20We do.
01:14:21We do.
01:14:22We do.
01:14:23We do.
01:14:24See what I've...
01:14:25See what I've...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:30Mine wasn't.
01:14:31No, I'm too high for you.
01:14:32Thank you, my work.
01:14:34I am.
01:14:35Beryl.
01:14:36What?
01:14:37Are you?
01:14:38Are you...
01:14:39Happy?
01:14:40Of course.
01:14:41Very.
01:14:42I am.
01:14:43Are you... happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:13Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:56St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:56We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Peace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:10And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:09Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Mm-hmm.
01:24:48hello mrs. Battersby. you won't remember me. good afternoon Jeffrey. is Beryl there
01:25:07please? she's gone to the football match. there is no football. it's cricket now.
01:25:14well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39hi! that's the kickoff.
01:25:43in about three months. football season's over now, Beryl. what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:50I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days. where will you go now then?
01:25:59don't know. could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:06where will you? might go and get a new pair of tights. hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it? when it's empty. fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18may as well. if you like. don't mind. why not? just as friends.
01:26:25just as friends. oh, I meant just as friends. yeah, I did.
01:26:32wish we had a ball.
01:26:38could play shooting in. you could go in goal.
01:26:45amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:58well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else. anyone really.
01:27:34there's millions to choose from.
01:27:38they're all nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41you'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44you will, Beryl.
01:27:46just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52good cheer it looks like, can you� be playing?
01:27:53good cheer!
01:27:54bad cheer!
01:28:09good cheer!
01:28:22And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:40Love and rainy weather
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:44Love and rainy weather
01:29:46Love and rainy weather
01:29:46Love and rainy weather
01:29:47Love and rainy weather
01:29:48Love and rainy weather
01:29:49Love and rainy weather
01:29:50Love and rainy weather
01:29:51Love and rainy weather
01:29:52Love and rainy weather
01:29:53Love and rainy weather
01:29:54Love and rainy weather
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