- 7/28/2025
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is long!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:34And he's picturing the papers.
00:01:36Oh, come on Sandra, let's go.
00:01:38No, I don't want to.
00:01:40I don't want to wait.
00:01:42I don't want to wait.
00:01:44I don't want to wait.
00:01:46I don't want to wait.
00:01:48I don't want to wait.
00:01:50I don't want to wait.
00:01:52I don't want to wait.
00:01:54I'm going to wait.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:59And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on Sandra.
00:02:03Let's go.
00:02:04No, I don't want to.
00:02:05I don't want to wait.
00:02:06I'm the old Dast standing out here.
00:02:07It's stupid.
00:02:08But he might come in a minute.
00:02:09Somebody waited ages yesterday
00:02:10and he never turned up bed.
00:02:11But that was yesterday.
00:02:12He might be here today.
00:02:13Oh no, I'm the old Dast standing here.
00:02:14I don't want to wait.
00:02:15I don't want to wait.
00:02:16He's supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:18Oh, wait, please, let's go.
00:02:19Oh no. I told you so, didn't I? I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours. Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde. Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:40I don't fancy yours. Which is mine?
00:02:46Any except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsytongue's grandad, with all due respect. To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn. You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:28Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:35Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:40Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:42Every single time.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:59It's not a DR.
00:05:00Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:04And the tears are raining down.
00:05:06It's a run-around.
00:05:08Love and rainy weather.
00:05:09Sure can get you down.
00:05:11It's a run-around.
00:05:12Love and rainy weather.
00:05:14Sure can get you down.
00:05:16I'm going twisting tonight then that's the modern name for isn't it what cutting
00:05:42a rug pardon grooving Mildred it's called grooving nowadays grooving and or freaking right what I'm not
00:05:52doing tonight right right on you're staying in tonight then tonight tomorrow night every night
00:06:00you might sell me overcoat life's not all pleasure you know Mildred don't hassle the lad
00:06:08hassle it's a different world today Mildred we had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this
00:06:16Finney had he cost they do their own thing the usual 1300 weight now that's the new world that
00:06:26we work for and fought for full page advert for contraception it's his birthright I'm not hungry
00:06:36what's that supposed to mean it's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable no really I really do some people don't
00:07:10I do Beryl please take my word for it Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures Paul McCartney who he doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever
00:07:23since our day's night and please don't say Paul McCartney who I sacrifice too much for your six old levels
00:07:29you were terrific in the pictures I never touched you terrific self-control
00:07:37what did you say your name was
00:07:43mind you just a weekend I do with you Paul not a dirty weekend a disgusting one
00:08:10night night Percy filth
00:08:16have you always been insatiable
00:08:26it's not my fault
00:08:29it's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32it's it's it's psychosomatic
00:08:35it's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41I'm sorry
00:08:50Oh Sandra, you're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:18Nothing at all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:26I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:33Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:09:54Got it.
00:09:55Got what?
00:09:56You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:09:58You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:01How about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:04No I don't.
00:10:05Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:07Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:08It does not.
00:10:09Thought it did.
00:10:10Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:12I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:14You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:16I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:17In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:18I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:19You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:21I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:22In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:23We're just good friends.
00:10:24Good night.
00:10:25Good night.
00:10:26I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:27In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:28We're just good friends.
00:10:29Good night.
00:10:30Good night.
00:10:31Good night.
00:10:32Good night.
00:10:37I'll tell you what it did.
00:10:39Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:42I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:43You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:44I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:45In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Good night.
00:11:03Miss Bardo.
00:11:06Marry me.
00:11:10You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:19Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:22Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:24Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:26Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:28Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:30About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, ma'am.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Marry me.
00:11:38Marry me.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:49Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done.
00:11:56They paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Marry me.
00:12:02..,..,.,. . . . . . .
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24the goal then
00:12:40well tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her snooty old bag
00:12:47trendy crimson shoes with bottle green socks must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56still who else would have him anyway they're all the same in the dark rumour has it
00:13:04different girl every night you can tell the type
00:13:13probably an omen seeing her before the match bet we lose 3-1 well i'm certainly not making the
00:13:23first move at least i've got me proud oh hello oh hi hi didn't see you no normie
00:13:32you're going that way yeah uh not especially no you're going that yeah well um no i was i sort of
00:13:44going to the football match are you shopping
00:13:47i'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55i am which which are you any i am
00:13:59see you then tonight
00:14:08pardon oh uh all right then right
00:14:13super socks
00:14:21did you see that they're all on drugs a lot of them
00:14:28good score
00:14:46losing 3-1
00:14:49excuse me
00:15:09excuse me i
00:15:18i'm going to go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:24ah
00:15:26hello mate
00:15:32peace man
00:15:34surprise surprise
00:15:35surprise
00:15:36in anywhere controversial
00:15:38pictures
00:15:38boyfriend
00:15:39she's slim
00:15:41i'm just going to the
00:15:42oh i'll come with you
00:15:43are you and beryl um you know
00:15:49you know
00:15:51you know
00:15:52oh
00:15:53oh
00:15:54would you uh
00:16:03what do you sort of reckon she's a
00:16:07fair sort of bird
00:16:10sort of
00:16:11she's all right
00:16:13i mean nothing sensational obviously
00:16:17jeffrey she's a bird
00:16:20you're having a coffee with us
00:16:25no thanks kid neville's ravenous
00:16:27you've just eaten
00:16:29you've just eaten
00:16:29oh of course
00:16:32yeah sorry
00:16:32you see
00:16:36what i thought ken was always
00:16:38trying to do
00:16:39by implication
00:16:40probably by implication
00:16:42was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment
00:16:47you see
00:16:47yes
00:16:49was he the errand boy
00:16:52was he the errand boy
00:16:53ken thingy
00:16:54he directed it
00:16:56oh yes
00:16:58i was probably thinking of andy warhol
00:17:01probably
00:17:03you're not like other boys at all are you
00:17:10well probably a little more mature that's all
00:17:13it's over 200 yards from the cinema
00:17:16and you talk to me the whole way
00:17:17like a person
00:17:19other boys seem to have one-track minds these days
00:17:24sex
00:17:26marriage
00:17:27pardon
00:17:28the number of boys that asked me to marry them
00:17:31a couple of dates and pal they want to get married
00:17:34i want to live a bit before i get married
00:17:37i suppose i just don't have a hang up about it
00:17:39get married
00:17:42no
00:17:46actually i find girls
00:17:50most girls
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days
00:17:54not marriage
00:17:56no
00:17:57sex
00:17:58percy filth
00:18:00sex
00:18:04that's what i said
00:18:05oh
00:18:06well i'm not like that
00:18:09not percy filth motivated
00:18:11no
00:18:12no
00:18:13no
00:18:14no
00:18:15no
00:18:16no
00:18:17no
00:18:18no
00:18:19no
00:18:20no
00:18:21no
00:18:22no
00:18:23no
00:18:24no
00:18:25no
00:18:26no
00:18:27no
00:18:28no
00:18:29no
00:18:30no
00:18:31no
00:18:32no
00:18:33no
00:18:34no
00:18:35no
00:18:36no
00:18:37no
00:18:38no
00:18:39no
00:18:50you
00:18:52i won't come in with it being our first date
00:18:54no
00:18:55no
00:18:56oh
00:18:57anywhere my mum's gone to bed would be on our own
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, ain't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night, night. God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:16Then two fours and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um.
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Oh, my God.
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no-one.
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:07Oh, no-one's special.
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, ho-ho-ho.
00:22:10Oh, ho-ho-ho.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20No, no-one's special.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:33Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:41I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:41Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax. Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Seth does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:01Anyway.
00:25:04More warm, just as the sun was rising.
00:25:08I heard a maiden sing in the barley yield.
00:25:11My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:16My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take the...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Oh, plus...
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two's five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of IB.
00:26:16Bank clerks.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25And the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by seven, twenty-three, precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:23Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologized.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologize again.
00:31:17I apologize again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:00Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:30The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54It's like thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Mm-hmm.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:15He thumped me, will you, like Neville does Sandra?
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:45Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been aghast.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been aghast.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54Hi.
00:37:07Bye-bye.
00:37:13Bye-bye.
00:37:182-3.
00:37:19John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er...
00:37:53Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:01I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:03Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:05That's pretty incredible.
00:38:07Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:11Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:48I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:54I'm not bad at snooker and I'm not bad at snooker.
00:38:56I'm not bad at snooker.
00:38:57I'm not bad at snooker.
00:38:58I'm not bad at snooker.
00:38:59I'm bad at snooker.
00:39:00I'm bad at snooker.
00:39:01Did she turn you on?
00:39:03Beryl?
00:39:04Her?
00:39:05I haven't really looked.
00:39:07Really lot.
00:39:09You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:24Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:29Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy Filse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Mo Felttip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:23Mmm.
00:40:24Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:26It is me birthday.
00:40:27What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48My God, he's taught us!
00:40:51What's your name again?
00:41:21What's yours?
00:41:23Rock.
00:41:24That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Stephen.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:38When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:46Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:54Mm.
00:41:55Mm.
00:41:56Mm.
00:41:57Mm.
00:41:59Mm.
00:42:00Mm.
00:42:01Mm.
00:42:02Mm.
00:42:03Mm.
00:42:04Mm.
00:42:05Mm.
00:42:06Mm.
00:42:07Mm.
00:42:08Mm.
00:42:09Mm.
00:42:12Mm.
00:42:15Mm.
00:42:19Testing.
00:42:20Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Miliop returns the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:41I'm fed up!
00:42:44Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:48What are you fed up about?
00:42:50Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No?
00:42:54They just mark it.
00:42:56Anyone can mark it.
00:42:58They've got the answers.
00:43:04Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:11Well, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:15This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:21How do you do?
00:43:22Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:24Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:34Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:40Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:03Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:08The others don't bother.
00:44:10Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:12Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:17They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:23But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:47In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:17And I'm keen.
00:45:1825p?
00:45:21Precisely sitting there.
00:45:28Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31rectly and a volunteer?
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow? No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:15I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls
00:46:28and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30Hope I like it.
00:46:36Thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:38We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:41Well, obviously.
00:46:43We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:46:56Morning, previous generation.
00:46:57Morning, previous generation.
00:47:00morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on the flaming roof i'm sorry mum i'll take you out another night something cropped
00:47:41up like what dad you understand i don't jeffrey well you always say you do jeffrey you're at it
00:47:52every night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different i knew you'd understand
00:47:59understand
00:48:06so
00:48:13MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:41You know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:28I shan't.
00:49:30It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:38Finally splitting up.
00:49:39He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:40It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:45Finally splitting up.
00:49:47He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:49Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:51Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:55I expect he's sorry now.
00:49:56I won't even consider that.
00:49:57It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:58It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:59Finally splitting up.
00:50:00He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:01Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:02Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:04I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:05It's me.
00:50:06I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:09She might have changed, of course.
00:50:14If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:17He's got to accept that.
00:50:19He's got to accept that.
00:50:20We've got to accept that, please.
00:50:21He's got to accept that.
00:50:22He's got to accept that in the world.
00:50:24I need to.
00:50:25What?
00:50:26I need to make up your dreams.
00:50:27I need to think.
00:50:28I need to take you.
00:50:29I need to get to see why you're at the end of my life,
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's a story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:37This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:53I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:50Yes, I expect it is, when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:01Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26What's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:47Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:01Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:31Oh, grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40Ah, it's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:56Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:04You should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:34I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55Come on, Beryl.
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:02It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:23What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:38Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18I don't.
01:02:24I don't.
01:02:45I don't.
01:02:53Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51Ignorant bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello? It's me.
01:04:05Who? My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl. I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21Well, we will.
01:04:22Let's see.
01:04:26A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:43What doesn't?
01:05:44You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:47Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:50Me?
01:05:51A football match?
01:05:52With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:53Told you.
01:05:54Who are they playing?
01:05:57Huddersfield Town.
01:05:58In the co-op.
01:05:59I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:04The...
01:06:05The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:06Shows you.
01:06:07Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:11Drawn five.
01:06:12So what do you think?
01:06:21I think I nearly love you.
01:06:26Drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:56Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24I live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon.
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:05Good.
01:08:06Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:09Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:22Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:24Oh.
01:08:25Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:30The Cowgills.
01:08:31Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:32Married couple.
01:08:33Newlyweds.
01:08:34Not long married.
01:08:35You go bald doing that.
01:08:36Doing what?
01:08:37Doing what?
01:08:38I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite of the house.
01:08:40The Cowgills.
01:08:41The Cowgills.
01:08:42Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:43Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say
01:09:26what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:30Beryl would.
01:09:33Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh.
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone
01:09:51thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:56All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:13What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:15Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Goodnight.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:36Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:07Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:08It's important.
01:13:09What is?
01:13:10I keep asking you what is.
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12To be on our own.
01:13:13What?
01:13:14So as we can talk.
01:13:15What?
01:13:17I've had a speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:20Oh, no.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:17What face did I want to do?
01:14:22See, what I...
01:14:24See, what I...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:26No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:28No, mine wasn't.
01:14:30Mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:43Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:21Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:35Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:40No.
01:15:41I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:44Nothing.
01:15:45If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48If there isn't anything.
01:15:49Honest.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:40Well, you ought to know.
01:16:42You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:00There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30Think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41Which is sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:55Of course we do.
01:19:56How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:00Ace.
01:20:01She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:02I won't tell you where.
01:20:03A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:04Wow.
01:20:05Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:06I know, spells no.
01:20:07Super day for it.
01:20:08Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:10Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:11Yep.
01:20:12The big day.
01:20:13Hmm, it's a big day.
01:20:14Hmm.
01:20:15I'm sorry.
01:20:16It's a big day.
01:20:17It's a big day, you know.
01:20:18I won't tell you where.
01:20:19I won't tell you where.
01:20:20There's a hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:21Wow.
01:20:22Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:25I know, spells no.
01:20:26Super day for it.
01:20:27Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:29Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:31Yep.
01:20:32The big day.
01:20:33Hmm.
01:20:34Yeah.
01:20:35The big day.
01:20:36Hmm.
01:20:37Yeah.
01:20:38Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crotch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:44I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:49You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:58Truly.
01:20:59Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Ow!
01:21:31Oh, sorry.
01:21:32That's right.
01:21:33Hold it.
01:21:34Lovely.
01:21:36Right.
01:21:37Now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:39Right, parents.
01:21:40And the bride.
01:21:41I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:43How have you been?
01:21:44Absolutely great.
01:21:45You?
01:21:46Never better.
01:21:47Ever.
01:21:48That's it.
01:21:49Hold it like that.
01:21:50It's all over now.
01:21:51Bar the salmon salad.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:56Hold it like that.
01:21:57It's all over now.
01:21:58Bar the salmon salad.
01:21:59It's tuna fish.
01:22:00It's life.
01:22:01See you, President.
01:22:02Nick, somewhere to China, then?
01:22:03That was before we ever met.
01:22:04I know.
01:22:05Why?
01:22:06Has something happened about it?
01:22:07No.
01:22:08Oh?
01:22:09Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:10Mm.
01:22:11Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:18to the moon.
01:22:19Nixon?
01:22:20Why is he going?
01:22:21No.
01:22:22The astronauts.
01:22:23Oh.
01:22:24Oh.
01:22:25To the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:36We never really talked, did we? About things that matter.
01:22:40Good, innit?
01:22:41Shows with friends.
01:22:42Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:43Do we?
01:22:44We never really talk, did we?
01:22:46About things that matter?
01:22:48about things that matter good isn't it shows we're friends now that we know we don't like
01:22:54each other everybody thinks we're brokenhearted we've really grown up haven't we my mother's
01:23:04convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth i'm right off it myself
01:23:09i've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks oh i expect
01:23:14it's only temporary i hope not it's marvelous good i don't fancy you in the slightest now thank you love
01:23:26still off the food i noticed
01:23:32and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future fantastic for example say i finally did marry someone
01:23:38like you only someone i love i bet i'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every
01:23:43night in bed a bit and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of kenny warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:02i expect you're going to the match this afternoon oh yeah i'm helping sandra packer going away case
01:24:08where's she going hospital
01:24:13well we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:29i'm
01:24:35i
01:24:37i
01:24:39i
01:24:41Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:17Hi.
01:25:18When's the kick off?
01:25:24In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:29What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:30I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:32Where will you go now then?
01:25:33Don't know.
01:25:34Where will you go now then?
01:25:35Don't know.
01:25:36I don't know.
01:25:37I could always go inside and practice booing for a bit.
01:25:39I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:42Where will you?
01:25:43I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:44I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:45I don't know.
01:25:46I don't know.
01:25:47I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:25:50Where will you?
01:25:51I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:52Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:25:53Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:25:54Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:25:55May as well, if you like.
01:25:56Don't mind.
01:25:57Why not?
01:25:58I don't know.
01:25:59I'm not all that interested these days.
01:26:00Where will you go now then?
01:26:01I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:09I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:12Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well.
01:26:20If you like.
01:26:21Don't mind.
01:26:22Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:52Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:09We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:10Anyone, really.
01:27:11There's millions to choose from.
01:27:12All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:13All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:15You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:16You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:17You will, Beryl.
01:27:18You will, Beryl.
01:27:19Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:20Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:21Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:22Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:23You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:24You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:25You will, Beryl.
01:27:26Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:27Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:28You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:29You will, Beryl.
01:27:30Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:32Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:33Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:34You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:35You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:36You will, Beryl.
01:27:37Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:38Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:40Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Christ it!
01:27:56Christ it!
01:28:00Christ it!
01:28:03Christ it!
01:28:05Christ it!
01:28:09I love you! I love you! I love you!
01:28:28And you'll find sometimes
01:28:32Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:37Getting wet together's fun
01:28:43When the crying's dark
01:28:48Love and rainy weather
01:28:53Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:07When the crying's dark
01:29:13Love and rainy weather
01:29:17Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Am
01:29:31wed
01:29:32John
01:29:332
01:29:34odd
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1:29:39
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