- 4 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:16Hi.
00:03:17Hi.
00:03:18Hi.
00:03:31Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:37Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:26It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41I don't like that.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06not that i had done played him for a change or not
00:12:18ticket i ain't got me ticket we're late already see you behind the goal then
00:12:33Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose. 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any?
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:20Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28They score.
00:14:46Losing.
00:14:473-1.
00:14:482-0, 3-1.
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:20I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:44Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55What do you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:12I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:14Geoffrey.
00:16:15She's a bird.
00:16:16You having a coffee with us?
00:16:17No, thanks, kid.
00:16:18Neville's ravenous.
00:16:19You've just eaten.
00:16:20Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:21Sorry.
00:16:22You see, what I think was all this, trying to do...
00:16:23By implication?
00:16:24Probably by implication.
00:16:25Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:29You see?
00:16:30Yes.
00:16:31Was he the errand boy?
00:16:32No.
00:16:33No.
00:16:34No.
00:16:35No.
00:16:36No.
00:16:37No.
00:16:38No.
00:16:39No.
00:16:40No.
00:16:41No.
00:16:42No.
00:16:43No.
00:16:44No.
00:16:45No.
00:16:46No.
00:16:47No.
00:16:48No.
00:16:49No.
00:16:50No.
00:16:51No.
00:16:52No.
00:16:53No.
00:16:54No.
00:16:55No.
00:16:56No.
00:16:57No.
00:16:58No.
00:16:59No.
00:17:00No.
00:17:01No.
00:17:02No.
00:17:03No.
00:17:04No.
00:17:05No.
00:17:06No.
00:17:07No.
00:17:08No.
00:17:09No.
00:17:10No.
00:17:11No.
00:17:12No.
00:17:13No.
00:17:14No.
00:17:15No.
00:17:16No.
00:17:17No.
00:17:18No.
00:17:19other boys seem to have one-track minds these days sex marriage the number of boys that asked
00:17:30me to marry them a couple of dates and how they want to get married I want to live a bit before
00:17:36I get married I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it get married hmm no
00:17:44actually I find girls and most girls a bit obsessed these days not marriage sex sex that's what I said
00:18:05oh well I'm not like that did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol Ken Russell yeah
00:18:35I won't come in with it being our first date no anyway my mom's gone to bed would be on our own
00:18:59is that a reason for me not coming in now yes Jeffrey
00:19:03nice house thank you 25 year mortgage
00:19:18well thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24funny isn't it first date with someone it always leads to one of three things
00:19:33either nothing or something
00:19:37or everything
00:19:41I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it three two seven double four two one the easy way to remember it is the three and the two
00:20:14make five which is two less than seven then two fours and half of four which is two and half of two
00:20:18which is one um but you mustn't ring me if you don't want no but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to not if you'd rather not three two seven double four two one
00:20:30goodnight
00:20:32goodnight
00:20:32goodnight
00:20:33goodnight
00:20:59Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01Not Beryl Bird.
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:05Does she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:10Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:10Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:11Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:11Oh, ho, ho.
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:28Chams.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:36I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game. Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:27Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:30but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Goodnight.
00:23:35Good morning.
00:23:36Morning.
00:23:37Morning.
00:23:38Morning.
00:23:39Morning.
00:23:40Morning.
00:23:41Morning.
00:23:42Morning.
00:23:43Cholton for Pope. Long may you reign.
00:23:46Amen.
00:23:47What's going on?
00:23:48What's going on?
00:23:49Pound's up again.
00:23:50Oh, God.
00:23:51What's going on?
00:23:52Pound's up again.
00:23:53Oh, God.
00:23:54Today's special.
00:23:55Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:23:56Here.
00:23:57Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:23:58Except those.
00:23:59Enjoy yourself.
00:24:00While you're young.
00:24:01What's going on?
00:24:02What's going on?
00:24:03What's going on?
00:24:04What's going on?
00:24:05Pound's up again.
00:24:06Oh, God.
00:24:07Today's special.
00:24:08Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:09Here.
00:24:10Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:11Except those.
00:24:12Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:46why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:16my timing not disturbing your singing i hope see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:22oh jeffrey that neville's the greatest
00:25:29is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:36i'm considering packing jeffrey in one date was enough why he's cancer and i'm libra
00:25:45it's that bad oh plus
00:25:49actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:26:01five five which is which is three and two is five which is two less than seven which is
00:26:10oh i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza bank clerks your lot football supporters
00:26:21hippies oh my lot at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds
00:26:36it will be 7 22 and 50 seconds
00:26:38that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:48so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:55is that the speaking clock is that jeffrey is that beryl yes yes hi hi
00:27:05it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person fantastic
00:27:28i want to know all about you that's what it's all about
00:27:39for example with things in common already definitely
00:27:42about what
00:27:49we're enormously fond of animals right and we're both from manchester
00:28:00have you ever been abroad no have you no unless you count istanbul
00:28:08is that was it beyond belief i don't know i was only three
00:28:19do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:22sometimes i do
00:28:26what now
00:28:27no just just sometimes
00:28:35yes i do
00:28:39such a lot isn't there
00:28:42in getting to know others
00:28:43i don't know if you've ever been in the world
00:28:49he was live and easy-limbed his stride quietly casual
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:03you know jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin really you know lopsided
00:29:15i don't think i have it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:21see
00:29:23jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:26he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:30it must be marvelous being a man
00:29:34it's okay i suppose men can do anything conquer everest do heart transplants become leader of the
00:29:41opposition anything
00:29:44jeffrey no spells no it's good for your circulation beryl read any women's magazine
00:30:00it's good for theirs too i'm not sure they recommend percyfilth on tuesdays
00:30:05i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays all saturdays
00:30:08oh jeffrey bobbles bombon oh
00:30:19oh jeffrey oh beryl are you all right what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:26i just heard a sharp achat of dramatic irony pardon
00:30:29Hmm?
00:30:35Come back. They're better. It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to port. It's not!
00:30:48Urgh!
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:56I know how they feel!
00:30:58Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:01That's true!
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:15You'd better apologise again.
00:31:18I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:23I wonder if Jeffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:35Sardine sandwich.
00:31:36The old sardine?
00:31:37Yeah.
00:31:38She's got her own trawler.
00:31:39Isn't it awful?
00:31:40What?
00:31:41I was speaking to Jeffrey.
00:31:42What's happening in the world?
00:31:43I blame the politicians.
00:31:44What for?
00:31:45For what's happening?
00:31:46In the world.
00:31:47For what's happening in the world?
00:31:48What's happening?
00:31:49Talk to her.
00:31:50Talk to her.
00:31:51her.
00:31:52What?
00:31:53I can't speak Portuguese.
00:31:54I can't speak Portuguese.
00:31:55Tasty.
00:31:56Tasty.
00:31:57They're in oil.
00:31:58They're in oil.
00:31:59I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:00Tasty.
00:32:01They're in oil.
00:32:02They're in oil.
00:32:03She's got a bad leg.
00:32:05What? I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:07What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for? For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese. Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:00Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:33:06Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:19I haven't had one yet.
00:33:21White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:23Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Right in the slightest.
00:33:40You're lucky.
00:33:42Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:44Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:33:59Who needs drama?
00:34:02So I shouted back at her.
00:34:03No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:06In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:09He thumped you?
00:34:11Walloped you on?
00:34:13No.
00:34:14I said nearly.
00:34:18You never thump me, will you?
00:34:20Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:22She adores it.
00:34:24Of course not.
00:34:25No.
00:34:27Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:29It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:30You used to talk to me.
00:34:32All right, let's talk.
00:34:34Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:36Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:38May as well pack in, really.
00:34:39Why?
00:34:40Why?
00:34:41Why not?
00:34:43Good thinking.
00:34:45Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:34:46You too.
00:34:47It was real.
00:34:49Psychedelic.
00:34:50You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:34:51It was scratched anyway.
00:34:53Might as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too. It was real.
00:35:13It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me Grateful Dead, LP. We're scratched, anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21I won't wave from the window.
00:35:24Oh, I won't look back, anyway.
00:35:26Good.
00:35:27It's been a gasp.
00:35:28You've said that once.
00:35:39You're well red barrel. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:44About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:47Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:03Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:23Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:31She'll think of something.
00:36:34Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:38Congratulations.
00:36:39I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:43Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:48We're going to wrap it up.
00:36:49But I'm going to have it back.
00:36:50Don't do it back.
00:36:51And I'll go...
00:36:52You heard it back.
00:36:53Okay.
00:36:55Gonna send that one over.
00:36:56We got it.
00:36:57I'm going to go to the side.
00:36:58All right.
00:36:59We got it.
00:37:00Very good.
00:37:01I'll get it back.
00:37:02You're not.
00:37:03All right.
00:37:04We got it.
00:37:05We got it.
00:37:06We got it.
00:37:07We got it.
00:37:08I'm going to go, man.
00:37:09We got it.
00:37:10We got it.
00:37:11I'm going.
00:37:12To do it.
00:37:13We got it.
00:37:14Yawn.
00:37:15We got it.
00:37:16Very good.
00:37:17John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:47Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51What?
00:38:53Woo!
00:38:54Woo!
00:38:55Woo!
00:38:56Woo!
00:38:57Woo!
00:38:58Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:12Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:33They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:38Yes, they are.
00:39:40Mmm.
00:39:41Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:44Was I?
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:47Terrific self-control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:55Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:57Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:00I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:02and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:05It's run out of ink.
00:40:06I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:08My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm, please.
00:40:15Mmm, don't.
00:40:16Please.
00:40:17You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:22Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:24Mmm.
00:40:25Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:54What's your name again?
00:40:55What's yours?
00:40:56Rock.
00:40:57That's not your real name.
00:40:58No.
00:40:59Uh- lamp.
00:41:03Oh-hmm.
00:41:20What's your name again?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No, Stephen.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:49Don't move a muscle.
00:41:51However gorgeous.
00:42:19Testing.
00:42:20Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up.
00:42:43Who are you?
00:42:46Who are you?
00:42:47Who are you?
00:42:49What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No.
00:42:55They just mark it.
00:42:57Anyone can mark it.
00:42:59They've got the answers.
00:43:00Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:02Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your uncle Stephen.
00:43:15This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilizes with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:25But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:48In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5825p?
00:45:0050.
00:45:0250.
00:45:02Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:25Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:35Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:38A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:42Goodnight, love.
00:45:45We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:50You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day. Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:46:56Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:08Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:14What's for breakfast?
00:47:15You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:20Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57Last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:16.
00:48:29Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me and Ryan.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:39You should know.
00:48:39Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44what a night wow a lot including action replays in slow motion hey lads i picked up a bit of
00:48:58spare last night who didn't no it's true yes jeffrey it is yes jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes poor jeffrey beryl please it's neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel i'll see other girls i shan't take him back sandra
00:49:30i shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:48it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:16good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:21i expect he's sorry now i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:28she might have changed of course if she has i might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:42well i'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:48i left with beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me
00:50:52and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then united we're winning every
00:50:59game now oh good and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:04i asked you what was new with you
00:51:16did you did i say more
00:51:20pardon how's beryl baby getting on jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me beryl baby
00:51:28it isn't like you say that again beryl baby what's your name handsome
00:51:36you'll laugh everybody laughs it's a story of my life you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe what do you care i don't have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:07jeffrey jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days well it's very exhausting
00:52:17it is working in a bank oh
00:52:26i had this bad scene this chick decided to split
00:52:31so i cut out man like there's no tomorrow
00:52:39this cat gets it together where he's at man
00:52:44lots of beautiful bag baby so if you want a piece of the action don't cool it
00:52:53big
00:52:53i'm sorry i know understand english
00:53:06gesundheit
00:53:09i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:15and which is her husband neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:50a banana
00:53:52yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:56have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:02no
00:54:03but i've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:08no
00:54:09grab yourself an adage
00:54:11marriage is a cabbage
00:54:14are you a poet
00:54:16never ask the questions ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager marks and spencers
00:54:24yes
00:54:25what's that
00:54:28i really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on itv
00:54:37this
00:54:38what's on bbc
00:54:43kissing over
00:54:45what's that like
00:54:46this
00:54:49come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:55let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville okay
00:55:09women's lip is not about burning brass papers yeah
00:55:15what papers
00:55:17a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:21look let's be basic about this enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage and a white wedding
00:55:26really basic you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:32grass
00:55:35enid when sandra says every girl she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself not me of course because i incredibly value my independence
00:55:44but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:48if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:51i'm not recourse into anything i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that
00:56:00you believe in free love right
00:56:02wrong i believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvin is pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society for the future i'm sure
00:56:12excuse me excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14not an apple
00:56:15no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry wow man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26i said don't you're not to smoke it
00:56:40we're as liberated as you enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:45neither of us is boss
00:56:46just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:51you see what we believe now
00:56:55you see
00:56:58i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:05you're doing lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11burn my bra
00:57:17right that's it finished the end full stop
00:57:22we've finally split up neville sandra wants you i should imagine
00:57:29sad isn't it
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:38well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:41it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:47that's all
00:57:48i once thought i'd found her
00:57:51the perfect girl
00:57:54red hair
00:57:55not too skinny
00:57:58very gentle and shy
00:58:02passionate when roused
00:58:06she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:09you're very sweet
00:58:12i've always thought you were
00:58:17did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just i'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:47i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:50oh
00:58:55do you know
00:58:55what beryl
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:59do you know where jeffrey's got to
00:59:04he's upstairs i think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:16usually
00:59:22i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right honest
00:59:27she said i shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:31she said
00:59:31jeffrey
00:59:38jeffrey
00:59:45sorry
00:59:52jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:59put your legs
01:00:01that's better
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:07oh
01:00:13call dr wise
01:00:14put a quilmslow road
01:00:21it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then
01:00:28grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:32this grass wasn't
01:00:36it was the real thing
01:00:39from the front lawn
01:00:49like you beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:01:00not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since 10
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see jeffrey
01:01:13that's good
01:01:20do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:37i didn't try at all
01:01:39gave me to rest
01:01:44i'm right off birds
01:01:45i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:01:56good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17can i
01:02:26go
01:02:56Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl. Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:43Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21on a small world.
01:04:37A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Look, who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:34Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five, and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawing five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:03Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:14Ooh, dear.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, so, well, uh, boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, uh, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgill's.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Well, I'll tell you that 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically after...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:33What?
01:13:33So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think.
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:54No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know,
01:16:06crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Beryl.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Beryl.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likable?
01:17:20The extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:08I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:09There's a lot about me.
01:18:10I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:10I don't know.
01:18:11I don't know.
01:18:12I don't know.
01:18:13I don't know.
01:18:28Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:31I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:37At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:00St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:07So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:18And what else do I need?
01:19:20Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:23Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring.
01:19:26Of course.
01:19:27Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:33Oh, sorry.
01:19:35What about?
01:19:37Skip it.
01:19:38About time, too.
01:19:40With her sympathy.
01:19:41Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:42I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:44But she doesn't know that.
01:19:47If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:52Yeah.
01:19:53We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:58Of course we do.
01:19:59How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:16A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:18Wow!
01:20:23Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:25Anno spells no.
01:20:29Super day for it.
01:20:31Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:38Yep.
01:20:39The big day.
01:20:40Yep.
01:20:41Coming to the crutch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:44I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:49You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:01Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:07It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:20Eh, fine.
01:21:21This is fine enough.
01:21:22Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:42Funny.
01:21:43I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:47How have you been?
01:21:49Absolutely great.
01:21:51You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:53Ever.
01:21:57It's all over now.
01:21:58Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:01It's tuna fish.
01:22:03It's life.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President. Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:14That was before we ever met.
01:22:16I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:23Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:38Oh.
01:22:40It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:50Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bet.
01:23:50And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:58We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:09Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:12Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:39hello mrs. Battersby. you won't remember me. good afternoon Geoffrey is Beryl there
01:25:07please she's gone to the football match there is no football it's cricket now
01:25:14well it's the same thing isn't it
01:25:37hi when's the kickoff in about three months football season's over now Beryl
01:25:48oh what on earth did you want to come for forgot I'm not all that interested these
01:25:56days where we go now then I could always go inside and practice booing for next
01:26:06season well you might go and get a new pair of tights hey it's like the
01:26:15countryside isn't it when it's empty fancy a stroll in the country there's well if
01:26:21you like don't mind why not just as friends oh I meant just as friends yeah
01:26:28I did
01:26:35wish we had a ball a place you can in you could go in goal
01:26:45wish we had a ball a place you could go in goal
01:26:48amazing how people change isn't it
01:27:15well we're certainly much happier without each other
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else
01:27:24anyone really
01:27:26there's millions to choose from
01:27:36all nearly exactly right for us
01:27:40you'll find someone Geoffrey you will Beryl just a matter of keeping your eyes open
01:27:48really picking one out of the crowd
01:27:51go
01:27:59and
01:28:01here
01:28:03And you'll find sometimes
01:28:32Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:42When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:56Love and rainy weather
01:29:02Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:24Are followed by the sun
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Are followed by the sun
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Are followed by the sun
Recommended
1:27:37
|
Up next
32:52
46:13
41:39
1:23:07
43:29
1:21:36
1:11:32
1:35:39
1:58:32
1:59:26
1:29:02
1:39:33
1:23:04
1:58:32
1:24:14
1:59:08
38:45
1:56:25
1:56:38
1:50:04