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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:33We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:05But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:13Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16But he might come.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I? I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:50Thanks.
00:02:51Neither do I.
00:02:53Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:57About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:08I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Mallorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:39Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I'm Beryl.
00:04:25I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:41Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:48But they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane.
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:12It's a run around.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:28That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:43Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:04Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hustle.
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:52No, no, no.
00:06:59I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrificed too much for your six old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:50Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:09Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:10Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:25It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:03Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:08What's wrong?
00:09:11Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:27Probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:07You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:32I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:13Martin!
00:11:16Martin!
00:11:18Martin!
00:11:20Martin!
00:11:22Martin!
00:11:25Martin!
00:11:27Martin!
00:11:29Martin!
00:11:30Black time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:35Martin!
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:39Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:06Ticket. I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:36Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:02Rumor has it.
00:13:06Different girl every night.
00:13:12It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:37You going that?
00:13:39Yeah.
00:13:40Well, um...
00:13:41No.
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:00Tonight?
00:14:01Pardon?
00:14:02Oh, I...
00:14:03All right then.
00:14:04Right.
00:14:05Super socks.
00:14:06Did you see that?
00:14:07They're all on drugs.
00:14:08A lot of them.
00:14:09They're all on drugs.
00:14:10A lot of them.
00:14:11A lot of them.
00:14:12They are no.
00:14:14Big Bird!
00:14:21That has
00:14:37Good score.
00:14:47Low's in. 3-1.
00:15:07Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me. I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise. In anywhere controversial.
00:15:37Pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey. She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:31Sorry.
00:16:35You see...
00:16:37What I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:17Like a person.
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Getting married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:42I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:02Here's Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Oh.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:48Oh!
00:20:49Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:50Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:51Oh, they all of me past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:46No one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54Who's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:13She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:31Who?
00:22:33I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:34Oh.
00:22:35Said he was no one special.
00:22:36Have you got a phone here?
00:22:38Why?
00:22:40They haven't, have they?
00:22:41They haven't, have they?
00:22:42No.
00:22:43They haven't, have they?
00:22:44No.
00:22:45They haven't.
00:22:46They haven't.
00:22:47No.
00:22:48They haven't, have they?
00:22:49Who?
00:22:50I've got a phone here.
00:22:51said he was no one special got a phone here why they haven't have they do you
00:23:06want to get some nookie lined up or something if I did do you think I'd be
00:23:09playing dance with you two look are you fed up here are you we'll split after
00:23:16this game anything you say you can go for a few of the Kingshead great and that ends
00:23:22our probe well Monday tomorrow I don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is you're being done good night
00:23:46morning morning
00:24:01John for Pope long may you reign I'm in
00:24:13what's going on pounds up again oh god today's special bloody travelers checks
00:24:23yeah suddenly everyone's going on holiday except those enjoy yourself while you're young
00:24:43why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:24:53my timing not disturbing your singing I hope see Jeffree on Sunday oh Jeffree
00:25:14that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:32never comes
00:25:36I'm considering packing Jeffree in
00:25:38one day it was enough
00:25:40why
00:25:42he's cancer and I'm Libra
00:25:45is that bad
00:25:46hopeless
00:25:47actually I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:51five five which is which is three two is five which is two less than seven
00:26:07which is
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza
00:26:16bank clerks
00:26:18your lot
00:26:19football supporters
00:26:21hippies
00:26:23oh my lot
00:26:25at the third stroke it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds
00:26:30it will be 7.22 and 50 seconds
00:26:38that's it then
00:26:41fate
00:26:42all over by 7.23 precisely
00:26:45so what
00:26:48plenty more where she came from
00:26:52is that the speaking clock
00:26:57is that Jeffree
00:26:58is that Beryl
00:26:59yes
00:27:00yes
00:27:02hi
00:27:03hi
00:27:05hi
00:27:05it's terrifically exciting isn't it
00:27:26getting to know a person
00:27:27fantastic
00:27:28I want to know all about you
00:27:34that's what it's all about
00:27:37for example
00:27:40with things in common already
00:27:41definitely
00:27:42like what
00:27:46we're enormously fond of animals
00:27:51right
00:27:53and we're both from Manchester
00:27:56have you ever been abroad
00:28:01no
00:28:03have you
00:28:05no
00:28:05unless you count Istanbul
00:28:08Istanbul
00:28:10was it beyond belief
00:28:11I don't know
00:28:12I was only three
00:28:14do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:21sometimes
00:28:23I do
00:28:24what now
00:28:27no
00:28:30just
00:28:31just sometimes
00:28:32yes I do
00:28:36such a lot isn't there
00:28:40in getting to know a person
00:28:43hmm
00:28:44he was live
00:28:50and easy limbed
00:28:51his stride quietly casual
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed
00:29:00assured lopsided grin
00:29:03you know Geoffrey
00:29:08you have a really lopsided grin
00:29:10really
00:29:11you know
00:29:12lopsided
00:29:13I don't think I have
00:29:16it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:18see
00:29:21Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:26he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:28it must be marvellous being a man
00:29:32it's ok I suppose
00:29:35men can do anything
00:29:36conquer Everest
00:29:38do heart transplants
00:29:40become leader of the opposition
00:29:42anything
00:29:44Geoffrey
00:29:53no spells no
00:29:55it's good for your circulation Beryl
00:29:57read any women's magazine
00:29:59it's good for theirs too
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays
00:30:07all Saturdays
00:30:08Beryl
00:30:11Beryl
00:30:15oh Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon
00:30:18oh Beryl
00:30:19oh Geoffrey
00:30:21oh Beryl
00:30:22are you alright
00:30:23what exactly happened
00:30:24don't tell me
00:30:25I just fell a sharp achak of dramatic irony
00:30:28pardon
00:30:29come back
00:30:35they're better
00:30:36it's better
00:30:36I'm okay
00:30:37I told you it's going to port
00:30:43it's not
00:30:44it's only the angels crying
00:30:54I know how they feel
00:30:57well don't blame me
00:30:59I haven't done anything
00:31:00that's true
00:31:01that's not true Beryl
00:31:04I have apologised
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you
00:31:08independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer
00:31:11it must be a bad line
00:31:13I can't hear you
00:31:14you'd better apologise again
00:31:16I apologise again
00:31:19gosh this lousy line
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday
00:31:26pardon
00:31:29pardon
00:31:30pardon
00:31:30is that who I think it is
00:31:33no dear
00:31:34well isn't this nice
00:31:47sardine sandwich
00:31:52is it all sardine
00:31:54yeah
00:31:54she's got her own trawler
00:31:57isn't it awful
00:32:04what
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey
00:32:07what's happening in the world
00:32:09I blame the politicians
00:32:10what for
00:32:12for what's happening
00:32:13in the world
00:32:14talk to her
00:32:19can't speak Portuguese
00:32:22tasty
00:32:24they're in oil
00:32:26nice in oil
00:32:28she's got a bad leg
00:32:29the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:33why after this little baker down the road
00:32:35he does something with the bleach
00:32:37yes
00:32:40can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches
00:32:49mine goes blank
00:32:51start thinking about life after death
00:32:56oh that neville honestly
00:33:03number of hearts he must have broken
00:33:05every girl in Manchester nearly
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has
00:33:10probably even more
00:33:12air hostesses
00:33:15all sorts
00:33:17tell me about your terrible past Geoffrey
00:33:20I haven't had one yet
00:33:21white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:24actually I was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:27wow is that the time
00:33:34at this moment in time
00:33:36what have I done
00:33:37is neville the insanely jealous type
00:33:40right in the slightest
00:33:41you're lucky
00:33:43why it's Geoffrey
00:33:44wow
00:33:46you're not jealous of all my ex-flames
00:33:49are you
00:33:49of course not
00:33:50why should I be
00:33:51please stop interrogating me Geoffrey
00:33:53forget it
00:33:54that's all in the past
00:33:57then nothing to be jealous about
00:34:00who needs drama
00:34:04so I shouted back at her
00:34:08no shop assistant shouts at me
00:34:09I shouted
00:34:10in the end neville nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:13he thumped you
00:34:15he thumped you
00:34:15walloped you on
00:34:17no
00:34:18I said nearly
00:34:20you never thumped me will you
00:34:24like neville does Sandra
00:34:26she adores it
00:34:28of course not
00:34:29no
00:34:31Geoffrey
00:34:35Percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:37isn't even one of the things in mine
00:34:38he used to talk to me
00:34:40all right
00:34:40let's talk
00:34:41Geoffrey I've just had the most super idea
00:34:48why is your mum going out
00:34:50may as well pack in really
00:34:55why
00:34:57why not
00:35:00good thinking
00:35:03thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:12you too
00:35:13it was real
00:35:13psychedelic
00:35:15you can keep me grateful dead LP
00:35:17I was scratched anyway
00:35:18it's been a gas
00:35:20groovy
00:35:22I won't wave from the window
00:35:25no
00:35:25I won't look back anyway
00:35:27good
00:35:27it's been a gas
00:35:29you've said that once
00:35:31you're well red barrel
00:35:41there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:43about three very lonely sardines
00:35:47mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me
00:35:53you know you can't do it
00:35:54you'll never thong me will you Geoffrey
00:36:02ow
00:36:03I just had the most super idea
00:36:06are we going to put it up
00:36:08no
00:36:09we're going to pack it in
00:36:10don't say that
00:36:11please don't say that
00:36:12that
00:36:13Sandra
00:36:16Sandra
00:36:17you're Sandra
00:36:19mine
00:36:20two months
00:36:24two months nine days
00:36:26is she positive
00:36:29the test was
00:36:30what are you going to do
00:36:32she'll think of something
00:36:35Sandra
00:36:36it's stupendous
00:36:37congratulations
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:42oh thanks kid
00:36:43Sandra
00:36:45I don't know how you do it
00:36:46often
00:36:48what
00:37:04I
00:37:08I
00:37:09I
00:37:13I
00:37:14I
00:37:15I
00:37:16I
00:37:17I
00:37:17I
00:37:18I
00:37:18I
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are?
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:40And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:38:52Daryl?
00:38:53Yeah.
00:38:54I haven't really looked.
00:38:56Seen one, you seen them all.
00:38:58Not quite all.
00:39:00I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:02Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:03Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:04Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:06I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:08They aren't all after everything.
00:39:10Bye.
00:39:12They aren't all after the baby.
00:39:14Well I've gotta be.
00:39:16The only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:18It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was it?
00:39:47Mm, terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's for a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mm, mm, mm, please.
00:40:16Mm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:41:15what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation in dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework no they just mark it anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:56good night Uncle Stephen
00:45:26would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica
00:45:35yes
00:45:36who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07tomorrow
00:46:07tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens
00:46:21the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53to our barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00mi'n om welcome
00:48:04to the
00:48:15award
00:48:16I quite
00:48:17liked
00:48:17i
00:48:19vek
00:48:20the
00:48:21groan
00:48:22and
00:48:22I
00:48:23I
00:48:24I
00:48:26I
00:48:27I
00:48:27I
00:48:28I
00:48:29I
00:48:29Charlton for Pope, long me around.
00:48:31Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again.
00:48:35Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:37You should know.
00:48:39Or me.
00:48:41Know what I mean?
00:48:43What a night.
00:48:45Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:49Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:55Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:58Who didn't?
00:49:00It's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:28I shan't.
00:49:30It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:40Finally splitting up.
00:49:42He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:44Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:46Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:48Good job she hasn't joined the rent in.
00:49:50Good job she hasn't joined the rent in.
00:49:52The entire navy had gone strike.
00:49:54I expect he's sorry now.
00:49:56I'm sorry.
00:49:58I'm sorry.
00:50:00I'm sorry.
00:50:02It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:06She might have changed, of course.
00:50:08If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:10He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:12Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:14Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:16Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:18I'm sorry.
00:50:20I'm sorry.
00:50:22I'm sorry.
00:50:24I'm sorry.
00:50:26I'm sorry.
00:50:28I'm sorry.
00:50:30I'm sorry.
00:50:32I'm sorry.
00:50:34I'm sorry.
00:50:36I'm sorry.
00:50:38Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:40The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:42I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:48Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:52No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:06I asked you.
00:51:08Did you?
00:51:10Did I say more?
00:51:12Pardon?
00:51:14And how's Beryl baby getting on, then?
00:51:16Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby.
00:51:18It isn't like you.
00:51:20Say that again.
00:51:21Beryl baby.
00:51:22What's your name, handsome?
00:51:24You laugh.
00:51:25Everybody laughs.
00:51:26It's the story of my life.
00:51:28You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:30She used to put on an axe.
00:51:32What do you care?
00:51:34I don't, Beryl baby.
00:51:36I don't, Beryl baby.
00:51:38What's your name, handsome?
00:51:40You laugh.
00:51:42Everybody laughs.
00:51:44It's the story of my life.
00:51:46You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She used to put on an axe.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:54I don't, Beryl baby.
00:52:00Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:12Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene.
00:52:28It's a chick.
00:52:30I decided to split.
00:52:32So I cut out, man.
00:52:34Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:48don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:54Hmm?
00:52:56Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:12She has.
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:16Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:30Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:32Great to dance to.
00:53:38Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:40Pardon?
00:53:42If so, what's death?
00:53:44Erm...
00:53:46A banana.
00:53:48Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:50Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:54Erm...
00:53:56No.
00:53:58But I've seen the film.
00:54:00You married?
00:54:01No.
00:54:02Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:04Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:06Are you a poet?
00:54:07Never ask the questions.
00:54:08Ask the answers.
00:54:09You are a poet.
00:54:10To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:12Good job.
00:54:14I'm really very dirty.
00:54:16Now, are you a poet?
00:54:18Are you a poet?
00:54:19To any manager, Marks and Spencers?
00:54:21Good job.
00:54:22I'm really very dirty.
00:54:24Now, are you a poet?
00:54:25Are you a poet?
00:54:26Are you a poet?
00:54:27Are you a poet?
00:54:28My poet's delicious.
00:54:29Hey, to meet you Maggie.
00:54:30Gonna leave your house in now.
00:54:31Come on.
00:54:32Come on.
00:54:33She's done all day.
00:54:34I'm pretty dirty.
00:54:35Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:37What's on ITV?
00:54:38This.
00:54:39Oh, what's on BBC?
00:54:40Kissing over it.
00:54:42What's that like?
00:54:43This.
00:54:45Come on, now.
00:54:48You know that's not where it are.
00:54:51Let's get this...
00:54:52what's the word?
00:54:53Let's get it...
00:54:55clear.
00:54:56Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties, Phil, okay?
00:55:08Women's lip is not about burning brass. Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid. All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:25Really basic. You want to be really basic.
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:38Well, like herself. Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:43But most girls definitely want...
00:55:45Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourseing to anything. I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01You're wrong. I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11No, thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14No!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man. Sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:22Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:24Why not?
00:56:25I said don't.
00:56:26You're not to smoke it.
00:56:27Oh, wow.
00:56:28We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:29We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:31Neither of us is boss.
00:56:32It just doesn't arise.
00:56:33We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:35Please.
00:56:36You see, what we believe, Viz- a.
00:56:50Now.
00:56:51You see, where are one?
00:56:54I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:10Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right, that's it. Finished. The end. Full stop.
00:57:21We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville, Sandra wants you. I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:37Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50A perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair. Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Impassioned when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:23Oh, sorry.
00:58:24I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:25I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:26Oh, sorry.
00:58:30Do you know...
00:58:31Come on, Beryl.
00:58:32She can ask me anything.
00:58:33Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:34I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:35Oh, sorry.
00:58:36Do you know...
00:58:37What, Beryl?
00:58:38She can ask me anything.
00:58:39Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:40He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:42I don't think I've got to.
00:58:44I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:45What, Beryl?
00:58:46What, Beryl?
00:58:47You can ask me anything.
00:58:48Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:49He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25He'll be all right. Honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:44Sorry.
00:59:51Geoffrey?
00:59:55Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:36It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:24Good morning.
01:02:54Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:55I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21You countin'.
01:04:22In a small world.
01:04:24Noïżœ.
01:04:25And I'll have to tell you I never need you mate, it's all-
01:04:30Oh no don't have to tell you anyway.
01:04:31You'll find bunk beds.
01:04:32Fortunately, young boy.
01:04:33Well, dear man, this is what he is missing.
01:04:37a small world
01:04:49good evening mrs battersby i was looking for a nice lampshade
01:04:56oh probably this one definitely magic in satin oh certainly jeffrey
01:05:04who's here in his nice crimson shoes
01:05:11you'd like some nice fancy random paper wouldn't you
01:05:17i'm a child of the universe beryl i have a right to be here i'm afraid we don't
01:05:21sell marijuana on sundays try the co-op beryl listen if you can smell burning
01:05:24it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap beryl listen
01:05:28have you got that in another color no madam i'll leave it then
01:05:34listen to what for heaven's sake
01:05:43don't matter what doesn't you wouldn't anyway wouldn't what
01:05:50go to the match with me on saturday me a football match with 40 000 skinheads and
01:05:56you told you who are they playing
01:06:06uddersfield town in the car i've always wanted to watch uddersfield town
01:06:14i think i nearly love you
01:06:24i think i nearly love you
01:06:28i think i nearly love you
01:06:32so what do you think i think i nearly love you
01:06:46i think i nearly love you
01:06:54never mind it's only a game i thought you said you nearly love me
01:07:08i don't recall grace kelly enticing prince rainier by going to watch united i may be wrong
01:07:22grace who we live in a permissive society beryl read any color supplement
01:07:28mother you're supposed to be my mother i am love and it wasn't through going to football matches
01:07:34you are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time i stand up even if he's only on the phone
01:07:38yes so well uh boys are very safe and i am your mother that's what i said
01:07:44that's what i said
01:07:46i don't mean uh permissive permissive
01:07:50let's see
01:07:52romantic
01:07:54pardon
01:07:56kissing cuddling
01:07:58things of that nature
01:08:00oh we do
01:08:02do what
01:08:04what you just said
01:08:06good
01:08:08not too much i hope
01:08:09oh god
01:08:10boys are very funny
01:08:12they're novices compared to mothers
01:08:18did i tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:22oh
01:08:26two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains
01:08:30fantastic
01:08:36the cowgills
01:08:38the cowgills
01:08:40mr and mrs cowgill
01:08:42married couple
01:08:44newlyweds
01:08:46not long married
01:08:48you go bald doing that
01:08:50doing that
01:08:52doing what
01:09:04i'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:08living in sin
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:20if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married i don't think so
01:09:28i don't think so
01:09:32a barrel would
01:09:34giving you a bad time is she
01:09:36oh
01:09:38i wouldn't say that
01:09:40i haven't even mentioned the word
01:09:44what word
01:09:46what word
01:09:48goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically
01:09:52i never said you were
01:09:54you think it
01:10:08all right jeffrey
01:10:10i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:14marriage
01:10:16never
01:10:18well until i am
01:10:20if i ever do
01:10:22which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:28you
01:10:30no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey
01:10:34you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry
01:10:38no one can say you've completely ruined me life
01:10:42not yet
01:10:48what are you staring at
01:10:50hello
01:10:52you all right son
01:10:54terrific
01:10:56why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking
01:11:02hmm
01:11:04my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:06oh
01:11:08what's your theory
01:11:10indigestion
01:11:12oh
01:11:14what's yours sundance
01:11:16hasn't he said anything at all
01:11:18he has said one thing
01:11:20oh what's that
01:11:22if god had meant sardines to be in oil
01:11:24dipsticks all right
01:11:26the weeks
01:11:28and months
01:11:30and with neither side willing to compromise
01:11:32we still have deadlock
01:11:34her majesty's government
01:11:36have consistently tried to find a way out
01:11:38of this dilemma
01:11:40another wild night learning what no spells
01:11:42and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:44and what no spells
01:11:46and what no spells
01:11:48great
01:11:50i might as well go bald and open me own monastery
01:11:52and so society
01:11:54that's you and me says
01:11:56end this dispute
01:11:58end it
01:12:00now
01:12:01good night
01:12:02here here
01:12:04good one day
01:12:05terrific
01:12:06especially when he said good night
01:12:08we're just enjoying ourselves
01:12:10having a good time
01:12:12just having fun
01:12:14being happy
01:12:16take two a day
01:12:18after meals
01:12:20and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing
01:12:22for no reason at all
01:12:26you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend
01:12:28absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:36make that three a day after meals
01:12:48look beryl
01:12:50how's this for a peace plan
01:12:52you join a marriage bureau
01:12:54and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in denmark
01:12:58then we'll both be happy
01:13:00right?
01:13:01right
01:13:02good jesus christ superstar
01:13:04amen
01:13:06oh hell
01:13:07arms up again
01:13:08see you tomorrow
01:13:10where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey i'll get the sack
01:13:18it's important
01:13:20what is?
01:13:22i keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:28what is
01:13:30to be on our own
01:13:32what?
01:13:34so as we can talk
01:13:36what?
01:13:38i've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:44the only bit i can remember is
01:13:46and that's what i think
01:13:50last night i dreamt i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:54grace who?
01:13:56she was playing for united as well
01:13:58weird isn't it?
01:14:00the main thing is
01:14:10we do communicate
01:14:12oh we do
01:14:14oh we do
01:14:24see what face do i want you?
01:14:26see what i think?
01:14:27go on
01:14:28no you, mine wasn't important
01:14:30no, mine wasn't
01:14:32no, mine wasn't
01:14:34me
01:14:35but
01:14:46beryl
01:14:47are you
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49of course
01:14:50very
01:14:51i am
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:53It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:30Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:40Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:45You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about. That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I don't remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:32We just don't like each other.
01:18:36At all.
01:18:38Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:40Good luck.
01:18:41Peace, ma'am.
01:18:42St. Anne's Square.
01:18:44St. Anne's Square, please.
01:18:46Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:47Good luck.
01:18:48Peace, ma'am.
01:18:49St. Anne's Square.
01:18:50St. Anne's Square, please.
01:18:52So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:18:58Oh, yes, a ring.
01:18:59Teething ring?
01:19:00Wedding ring?
01:19:01Of course.
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits and what else do I need oh yes a
01:19:23ring teething ring wedding ring of course oh they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days
01:19:31no wonder everyone's at it oh sorry what about skip it about time to but a simple thing not that I need
01:19:44any actually I've never been as happy in my life but she doesn't know that if I'm looking miserable
01:19:50Sandra it's because I'm feeling happy for you yeah we know what you must be thinking of course
01:19:59we do how to pop the pink without going in off ace she used to wear pink you know I won't tell you
01:20:14where a hell of a lot more where hers came from wow did you want the chalk Jeffrey I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it hmm sin being inside a day like this well Sandra this is it yep the big day yeah
01:20:42coming to the crutch crunch I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest seeing him again
01:20:49you mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that I am because I shan't truly
01:21:00Sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:18do you mind stepping back sir fine this is fine enough here about there lovely you can kiss the
01:21:26bride on this one sir wow official permission to actually kiss her oh sorry that's right hold it
01:21:37funny I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met how have you been absolutely great you never
01:21:53better ever it's all over now bar the salmon salad it's tuna fish it's life
01:22:05see president Nixon went to China then that was before we ever met oh why has something happened
01:22:19about it no oh could I trouble you for the salad cream please speaking personally I think there are
01:22:29enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon Nixon why is he going
01:22:35no the astronauts oh it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talk did we about things that matter good in it shows we're friends now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12oh I expect it's only temporary I hope not it's marvelous good I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future fantastic for example say I finally did marry someone
01:23:39like you only someone I love I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every
01:23:43night in bed a bear and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well
01:24:13we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16thank you
01:24:27yeah
01:24:30yeah
01:24:33yeah
01:24:33yeah
01:24:37yeah
01:24:40yeah
01:24:43Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:10There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:40Hi. When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49Oh, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53Forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:09Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:23We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51They are sure we can HER blood you are.
01:27:52We've got two F FR diminutes!
01:27:56Who has put your powerdı?
01:27:57New school we find out.
01:28:04Quem her son was, should she?
01:28:08Who has put your child around a place?
01:28:10Who would've got three f ăăäșș?
01:28:12Who's back there?
01:28:14The monster.
01:28:16And the wrongclubs are still...
01:28:20And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:28Love and rainy weather
01:29:29Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:35Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:38Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:40Love and rainy weather
01:29:41Love and rainy weather
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:43Love and rainy weather
01:29:44Love and rainy weather
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