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Nobody Wants This S1Ep1
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00:00Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
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07:31Non, c'est plus le point.
07:32C'est plus le point.
07:33Je sais que tu n'as pas pu dire ça.
07:35Merci.
07:37Ok, donc vous n'avez pas été déroulé?
07:39Non.
07:41Je pense que c'est directe à moi,
07:42donc vous devriez être déroulé si je suis déroulé.
07:44Il n'est pas déroulé.
07:45Il est juste que les gens parlent de ça.
07:48C'est vrai.
07:52C'est vrai que vous avez des casitas.
07:54Merci.
07:55Merci.
07:55Et une salle de rume.
07:57Merci.
07:58Je suis déroulé.
07:59Je suis déroulé parce que ma famille est riche.
08:01Non, c'est pas ce qu'indépendamment wealthy means,
08:03mais bon pour vous.
08:05Non, c'est juste que vous déroulé.
08:07L'chaim.
08:08Oh.
08:08Oui.
08:10Cheers.
08:12Disgusting.
08:13Je vais te dire, c'est assez excitant.
08:14C'est pas chaque jour que un shiksa
08:15walks dans le temple
08:16looking pour le bon rabbi.
08:17Un shiksa ?
08:17Un shiksa ?
08:19C'est basically...
08:20C'est basically vous, vous.
08:22Oh.
08:23Ok.
08:23C'est ça offensif ou flattant ?
08:25Je ne sais pas.
08:26Technically, c'est un yiddish insult.
08:28C'est un peu impure et détestable.
08:29mais ces jours, c'est juste un hot, blonde, non-jue.
08:32C'est en fait une bonne description de moi.
08:34Ok.
08:34Donc, vraiment unlikable, mais aussi hot.
08:36Je veux dire, c'est un peu plus un podcast.
08:38Shiksa ?
08:39Je ne sais pas.
08:40Non.
08:41Non va pas savoir ce qui veut dire.
08:42C'est ce qui veut dire maintenant ?
08:43C'est le nom de N'Body Wants This.
08:45Je ne sais pas.
08:46Oh, c'est ce qui veut dire.
08:46Oh, c'est ce qui veut dire.
08:47C'est ce qui veut dire.
08:47Oh, c'est ce qui veut dire.
08:48C'est ce qui veut dire.
08:49Morgan, je ne veux pas être un knock-off
08:50de Call Her Daddy.
08:51Oh, je vois.
08:52C'est ce qui veut dire qu'on a 60 million dollar podcast,
08:54do you?
08:58Sorry.
08:59Noah, do you want to get some air ?
09:01Yeah.
09:01Non, non, non, non, non.
09:02Don't just leave me stranded with him.
09:07A lot of tension between you guys.
09:10No, this isn't happening.
09:11Oh, we're going outside ?
09:12Okay.
09:13I'm sorry.
09:15I don't know why that pissed me off so much.
09:16So dumb.
09:17You're just like this serious rabbi,
09:20and I'm complaining about a podcast
09:21where, honestly, we do talk about sex a lot.
09:24Yeah, I know.
09:24I listen.
09:25Oh, God.
09:26Yeah.
09:26To which episode ?
09:27I listen to dildoos and dildons.
09:30Oh, okay.
09:31Learned a lot.
09:31That would not have been my first choice for you.
09:34Really ?
09:35Just so you know,
09:37sex isn't like the point of the podcast.
09:39Yeah, no, I get that.
09:40Does that make sense ?
09:41Yeah.
09:41I feel like you just want your audience
09:43to feel as comfortable opening up as you do.
09:45Exactly.
09:46I want them to feel empowered.
09:49Plus, now I know what to dildo.
09:52And dildoos.
09:56You a Swifty ?
09:57No, just pretending to look at songs
09:59so we don't have to talk.
10:01I mean, didn't you go to high school ?
10:02Our friends are hooking up.
10:03Be cool.
10:05Listen, I know I have a thing about me
10:07that makes people want to elbow me in the jaw.
10:09Yeah.
10:09Right, my wife says it's just because...
10:10Wait, I'm sorry.
10:10You're married ?
10:11Yeah.
10:12Oh my God, you have like no husband energy at all.
10:14That's scary.
10:15I'm wearing a wedding ring.
10:17Yeah, well, I haven't been looking at you.
10:20But do you think there's any flip side
10:21to everyone knowing every intimate detail of your life?
10:24Like, you know, once you say something,
10:26you can never get it back.
10:27Jesus.
10:28How dark are your secrets ?
10:29Well, my parents are very big on privacy.
10:32There are immigrant Jews from Russia.
10:33Back then, it was the Soviet Union.
10:35And if you just said your name out loud,
10:37it could be dangerous if it sounded too Jewish.
10:39Right.
10:39Okay, well, I get that from where they're coming from.
10:41But in today's society, where it's, you know,
10:45not dangerous to be open, I think it's a lot more healthy.
10:48Yeah, I mean, to a point, right?
10:52But what's that point?
10:54Like, do we really need to tiptoe around all of these issues
10:59that make us uncomfortable, or is that part of the problem?
11:01Like money and relationships and sex.
11:03I think if more people said out loud what they like,
11:06what they don't like, they'd realize it's totally normal.
11:08And they'd carry around a lot less shame.
11:12I guess.
11:14Well, let's test my theory.
11:15Okay.
11:16Will you tell me one of your secrets?
11:19One of my secrets?
11:20Yeah.
11:20I'm gonna need another drink first.
11:23Okay.
11:24Oh, baby steps.
11:25No, wait, wait, wait, I'll tell you, I'll tell you.
11:26I learned to read kind of late.
11:28That's really sweet.
11:29Thanks.
11:30Like how late is late?
11:32Like a grade.
11:34It's not that bad.
11:35We gotta go deeper.
11:36Oh, what I'm talking about.
11:37Yeah, I have eczema.
11:38Everyone has eczema.
11:40Really?
11:41Yes.
11:42Oh.
11:43I don't know that.
11:44Just try it.
11:45Yeah?
11:46You know, opening up about something that makes you uncomfortable.
11:49It helps people connect to you.
11:53Okay.
11:55It's like 1989 or Red or the one with the snake.
11:58Please stop.
12:02Is someone's mom here?
12:05Sasha!
12:06Oh, boy.
12:07That's, uh, that's for me.
12:08Okay.
12:09Sasha!
12:10Gonna pretend you don't see me?
12:11That's insane.
12:13And Noah, are you serious right now?
12:15One minute you're getting engaged to Rebecca, who you are getting back together with, by the way.
12:19And now you're out here with whore number one and whore number two?
12:21I hope I'm whore number one.
12:22I hope I'm whore number one.
12:23Hey, I'm sorry.
12:24She's intense.
12:25She's like, she comes in hot.
12:26It's not about you, obviously.
12:28She'll burn out.
12:29And then she'll take a little nap.
12:30She's like a puppy.
12:31Sasha, if you're not out here in ten seconds, I am running you over.
12:34Ten, nine, eight.
12:38Yo, this place played out.
12:40I'm taking off.
12:41Okay, I'm gonna stay.
12:42Seven.
12:43It's a pleasure.
12:44Six.
12:45You don't have to stay.
12:46We're about to leave anyway.
12:47Really?
12:48Yeah, I'm pretty tired.
12:49Sorry, I didn't hear you.
12:50I didn't hear you in there.
12:51Five, four, three, two, one.
12:52Hi.
12:53How's it going?
12:54Noah!
12:55Sorry about that.
12:56That's fine.
12:57Don't worry.
12:58We're gonna head out.
12:59Noah, come on.
13:00All right, well, I'll talk to you soon.
13:01Great, talk to you soon.
13:02Okay.
13:03All right.
13:04Bye.
13:05Bye.
13:06Engaged.
13:07Yeah.
13:08Of course he's engaged.
13:30Okay.
13:31Let's get it over with.
13:32And, Mom, you know that key's for emergencies only.
13:36My son having a mental breakdown is an emergency.
13:39Now, you explain to me how this woman got her claws into my beautiful, beautiful son.
13:44Did she mention Jesus to you?
13:46Because sometimes they try to recruit you.
13:48Okay.
13:49Guys, it's not...
13:50Rebecca knows about her.
13:54What's there to know?
13:55Oh, just that you brought her to temple and stood, like, weirdly close to her.
13:58Okay, how does she know that?
13:59Because you told her?
14:00She's my best friend, you dipshit.
14:01Of course I told her.
14:02And you, Esther?
14:03Allowing Sasha to go out with them last night?
14:05She is a sister, you know?
14:07Oh, I saw the sister.
14:09Not worried.
14:10I mean, she was clearly into me, but obviously I would never...
14:14Honey.
14:15Noah.
14:16You had your fun.
14:17You tested it out and it's not what you want.
14:20Says who?
14:21Excuse me?
14:22Sorry.
14:23What you gonna do?
14:24What?
14:25You gonna turn your whole life upside down for this girl?
14:26This is all a little dramatic.
14:27No, I don't think it is.
14:28I mean, I'm sure you already know that no one could take an abbi seriously who is dating
14:33a shiksa.
14:34Let alone marrying one.
14:35Okay.
14:36So...
14:37I don't mind looking like the overprotective mother.
14:40Mom.
14:41We just met.
14:42Everyone's getting way ahead of themselves.
14:43No, I don't think we are.
14:45And I'm not even including her...
14:47S...
14:48Podcast.
14:49What's an S-podcast?
14:50Oh, your mom can't say the word sex.
14:51Not even to me?
14:52Oh.
14:53Oh.
14:54Oh.
14:55Oh.
14:56Oh.
14:57Oh.
14:58Oh.
14:59Oh.
15:00Oh.
15:01Oh.
15:03Oh.
15:04Oh.
15:05Oh.
15:06Oh.
15:07Oh.
15:08Oh.
15:09Oh.
15:10Hey.
15:11Oh.
15:13Oh.
15:14Sure.
15:15Okay.
15:16Sex sells.
15:17But, this podcast is about so much more than sex, it's about empowerment, it's a textbook
15:22example of fourth-wave feminism.
15:25We're talking about your podcast, right?
15:28Yeah, I was going to ask the same question.
15:30Yeah, exactly.
15:31I mean, Joanne, don't overthink it.
15:33I mean, the whole reason we started this was so that we could get free skincare sent to
15:36us, you know.
15:38Well, if we acquire your show, you won't need free stuff anymore.
15:41So what's up, guys? One year check-in. How's married life?
15:45Um, I think we're in a good place.
15:48Yeah.
15:49Sure, okay. But I think...
15:51I think it's good.
15:52It's good. Okay.
15:55Uh, you know what? I'm gonna go first.
15:58I don't think it's a bad idea to admit that our podcast is about something bigger, right?
16:03Our audience seems to get that. Noah definitely got it.
16:06My own relationship recently blew up.
16:10Rebecca dumped you?
16:11Uh, did she? No, I'd say it's the other way around. It doesn't matter.
16:14Oh, well, she's gonna be fine. I mean, she's got a lot of options.
16:17Beautiful girl.
16:19Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean...
16:21Okay, cool. So the rabbi that you want to fuck agrees with you.
16:23Please stop.
16:23What? You do?
16:24You want to fuck him, right?
16:25No, of course I want to fuck him, but I'm not going to.
16:27He was engaged like five seconds ago, and the whole thing feels shady.
16:29Okay, you're never gonna end up with a rabbi anyway.
16:31Oh, my God. She hates religion.
16:33No, I don't.
16:33Plus, she was a lesbian for a year, and I think that's where she really thrived.
16:36God, I really did.
16:37Yeah.
16:37And will you please stop lecturing these people so we can get back to our podcast, which is all about dicks?
16:43That's what I was thinking, too.
16:44Thank you.
16:44It honestly doesn't matter what you talk about. This is what matters. You, too.
16:49Perfect.
16:50Great.
16:50The thing about Rebecca and I is we never really talked to each other. I mean, like, we talked, but we didn't say anything. Nothing real. We just had these circular conversations where we never got into anything uncomfortable, and then, you know, suddenly three years later, you don't really know each other.
17:09So let's learn from my mistakes. What do you want to say to each other? What do you want the other to hear? Jess, you want to go?
17:18There's a reason why I work so hard. I don't want to become my mother. I'm, like, petrified from it.
17:30When my dad left, she couldn't take information.
17:33C'est parti.
18:03C'est parti.
18:33No, but I am doing it, because I'm a gentleman.
18:35A gentleman I never would have spoken to had I known you were engaged.
18:39Not engaged. Almost, yes, but it never happened. I think that's an important distinction.
18:44Regardless, hey, I didn't handle it right.
18:47I told you, I was trying to stay away from messy.
18:51Yeah.
18:51This is, like, very messy.
18:53Okay, well, for whatever it's worth, I'm very sorry.
18:57Hi there.
18:58Hi.
18:59Can I get you something to drink?
19:00I'm okay. I'm not staying.
19:01Oh.
19:01I'm going to have a Modelo, please.
19:05Great.
19:05Thanks.
19:07Can I actually get a margarita? To go.
19:10Okay, we can't do that.
19:12Yeah, we're not going to do that.
19:13Okay, well, then put it in a glass you never want to see again.
19:16Fine.
19:19Rebecca and I were never going to work.
19:21We just didn't fit, and yet everyone said we did, so, you know, we stayed in it.
19:26Rebecca sounds really pretty.
19:29Like a chestnut brunette, perfect teeth, thick hair.
19:33I have really thin hair, just so you know.
19:34It's fine.
19:35I mean, there's a lot of it, but it's very fine.
19:37She has thick hair, doesn't she?
19:39It's pretty thick.
19:40I knew it.
19:41I've lost my watch in it before.
19:42Oh, my God.
19:42Yeah.
19:46What? What now?
19:47Well, I don't know.
19:48I mean, as established, I'm definitely very fresh off of a long-term relationship.
19:52Plus, you and I come from such different worlds, it'd be very hard to pull off.
19:56Okay, I'm going to stop you right there.
19:57You can't friendzone me, right?
19:58Because I already friendzoned you.
20:00Oh, 100%.
20:01I am just agreeing that that's likely the best call.
20:03Okay, well, it's still kind of rude.
20:04Please don't steal my thunder.
20:05Understood.
20:06Can I get some bread, too, please?
20:08Mm-hmm.
20:08Are you staying?
20:10Undecided.
20:12Well, look.
20:14Some bread.
20:15Thank you.
20:15I want to thank you for talking about why you did your podcast.
20:18I was flailing today when I was counseling this couple, and suddenly your voice, your voice popped in my head.
20:25My voice?
20:25Yeah.
20:26Did I say, Noah, talk about dicks?
20:30No, no.
20:31It was a different voice.
20:32And I was thinking about how honest you are on it and how that really helps people.
20:37And so I tried opening up to this couple and it really helped.
20:43So it's not just all about dicks.
20:46What you do is important.
20:50Thank you.
20:51That's what I keep trying to tell people.
20:56Can I get you something to start?
20:57Okay.
20:58I was thinking about a salad.
21:03I was thinking about a salad.
21:04Sure.
21:04We have a chopped wedge and a green goddess.
21:07I'll take the chops, please.
21:08No bacon.
21:09Okay.
21:10Thank you.
21:11Mm-hmm.
21:12Can I actually get a wedge?
21:14Extra bacon.
21:15Yeah.
21:16Sure.
21:17Yeah.
21:18Sure.
21:19Yeah.
21:20Yeah.
21:21Yeah.
21:22Yeah.
21:23Yeah.
21:24Yeah.
21:25Wow.
21:26Tell me more about Rebecca.
21:27I think I'm obsessed with her.
21:29Oh.
21:30Creepy.
21:31Mm.
21:32Um.
21:33What do you want to know?
21:34Anything that'll torture me.
21:35Okay.
21:37She's prettier without makeup.
21:39Of course.
21:40Uh.
21:41She's weirdly good at math.
21:43Calls her grandparents every day.
21:46Um.
21:48She's super funny.
21:49She's funny?
21:50Fuck me.
21:51I'm just kidding.
21:52She's not funny at all.
21:53She's not?
21:54No.
21:55I think you're gonna get back together with her.
21:58Really?
21:59And I think that you should.
22:01You deserve to be with someone who calls their grandparents.
22:05At all.
22:13Oh.
22:14My Uber is gonna be here soon.
22:16Yeah.
22:17Mine's close too.
22:20Thank you.
22:21Glad we did this.
22:24Me too.
22:37Isn't it crazy that we never kissed this whole time?
22:40Like how did that happen?
22:41Yeah.
22:42Very aware we haven't kissed yet.
22:43Yet?
22:44Yeah.
22:45But we're just friends.
22:46Sure.
22:47And friends don't kiss, which is why, you know, I'm aware we haven't.
22:51I'm aware we haven't.
22:54But what if we had just like one goodbye kiss?
22:58Hmm.
23:05Hand me your ice cream.
23:09Put your back down.
23:10Okay.
23:11Tiff.
23:27Yeah.
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