- 5 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:21Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:57It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:07Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:16I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:32Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane.
00:05:06And then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:17Love and rainy weather.
00:05:19Sure can get you down.
00:05:23Sure can get you down.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:28I'm going twisting tonight then.
00:05:33That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:38What?
00:05:39Cutting a rug.
00:05:41Pardon?
00:05:42Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:45It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:47Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:49Right?
00:05:50What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:54You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:56Tonight.
00:05:57Tomorrow night.
00:05:58Every night.
00:05:59You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:02Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:04Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:07Hassle.
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:26And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:30It's his birthright.
00:06:34I'm not hungry.
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:50La, la, la.
00:06:52La, la, la.
00:06:55I enjoy staying and chatting of an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:05No, really.
00:07:06I really do.
00:07:08Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:15Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:25I sacrificed too much for your 6-0 levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:32I never touched you.
00:07:34Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:38Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:07:52Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:09Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:15Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:27It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:09:02Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:39Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:52What?
00:10:03Got it.
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:13How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:16No, I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:32I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:32Peace, ma'am.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:41Did you get much?
00:11:46Did you?
00:11:51Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done.
00:11:56They had him for a change instead.
00:12:11Ticket.
00:12:12I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:13We're late already.
00:12:14See you behind the goal then.
00:12:15Aye!
00:12:16Aye!
00:12:17Aye!
00:12:18Aye!
00:12:19Aye!
00:12:20Aye!
00:12:21Aye!
00:12:22Aye!
00:12:23Aye!
00:12:24Aye!
00:12:25Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:27Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:29Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:39Aye!
00:12:40Aye!
00:12:41Aye!
00:12:46Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:47Snooty old bag.
00:12:51Trendy.
00:12:52Crimson shoes with bottle-green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else'd have him?
00:12:58Who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. You can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Well, no. I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59I am.
00:14:06See you then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:12Super socks.
00:14:13Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28What?
00:14:29They scored.
00:14:30Losing.
00:14:31Three-one.
00:14:44The score?
00:14:45Vous revenez.
00:14:46Three-one.
00:14:47Loes in 3-1
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures. The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim. I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:44Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:31Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:35By implication?
00:16:36Probably by implication.
00:16:37It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was who the errand boy?
00:16:52Ken Thingy.
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:09Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, it is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:25Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:02Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:52I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Erm...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:51Oh!
00:20:52Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:53Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:54Oh!
00:20:55They all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:20:58Can't be Mother's Day.
00:20:59You'd have forgotten.
00:21:00Has there been any clips?
00:21:01Mum?
00:21:02Mum?
00:21:03I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:04What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:05You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:06Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:07Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:08Oh!
00:21:09These things.
00:21:10Everything.
00:21:11Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:12He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:13See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:14Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:15Oh, no-one.
00:21:16Oh, no-one.
00:21:17Oh, no-one.
00:21:18Oh, no-one.
00:21:19Oh, no-one.
00:21:20Oh, no-one.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh!
00:21:31These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:46No-one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:00What Beryl Bird?
00:22:02I told him.
00:22:03Did she, er...
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:06What?
00:22:08Wow!
00:22:12She doesn't, then.
00:22:15You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:33Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:35Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:32So, let us find out your customers at night.
00:23:49Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travelers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Except those.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:31Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:25:03There's only one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:25:10I heard a maiden singing in the valley low.
00:25:15My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:23That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:26Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:32I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:37One day it was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:41He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:45Hopeless.
00:25:46Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51Five.
00:25:52Five.
00:25:53Five.
00:25:54Which is...
00:25:55Which is...
00:25:56Three and two is five.
00:25:57Which is...
00:25:58Two less than seven.
00:25:59Which is...
00:26:00I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:04Bank clocks.
00:26:05Your lot?
00:26:06Football supporters.
00:26:07Hippies.
00:26:08Oh.
00:26:09My lot.
00:26:10At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:56Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Hi.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:25Getting to know a person.
00:27:26Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:56Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:09Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobblesbomble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp bachack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better.
00:30:36It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Urgh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:04I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:19Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah?
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:22Tasty.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:40Can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:36Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00What?
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:21You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:39You used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right?
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:05Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too, it was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:22Groovy.
00:35:24I won't wave from the window.
00:35:26No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:28Good.
00:35:29It's been a gasp.
00:35:30You've said that once.
00:35:34There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:36About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:38Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:40You know you can't do it.
00:35:42You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:35:44Ow!
00:35:45Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:35:46Are we going to put it up?
00:35:47No.
00:35:48We're going to pack it in.
00:35:49Don't say that.
00:35:50Please don't say that.
00:35:51That.
00:35:52That.
00:35:53That.
00:35:54That.
00:35:55That.
00:35:56That.
00:35:57That.
00:35:58That.
00:35:59That.
00:36:00That.
00:36:01That.
00:36:02That.
00:36:04That.
00:36:05That.
00:36:06That.
00:36:07That.
00:36:08That.
00:36:09That.
00:36:10That.
00:36:11That.
00:36:12That.
00:36:14Sandra?
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra, mine.
00:36:22Two months?
00:36:23Two months and nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:34Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:36stupendous congratulations I hope you both be very happy oh thanks kid Sandra
00:36:45I don't know how you do it often
00:37:06so
00:37:16you
00:37:18you
00:37:20you
00:37:24you
00:37:27you
00:37:30you
00:37:32you
00:37:34John for Pope.
00:37:43Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:33It's that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:52Good.
00:38:53Did she turn you off?
00:38:58I haven't really looked.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one.
00:39:09You've seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:24It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Wasn't it?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25You smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:55What's your name again?
00:40:56What's yours?
00:41:13Rock.
00:41:14That's not your real name.
00:41:15No.
00:41:16Stephen.
00:41:17Mmm.
00:41:18God, that turns me on.
00:41:19Mmm.
00:41:20Mmm.
00:41:21Mmm.
00:41:22Mmm.
00:41:23Mmm.
00:41:24Mmm.
00:41:25Mmm.
00:41:26Mmm.
00:41:27Mmm.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29Mmm.
00:41:30Mmm.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:35Mmm.
00:41:36Mmm.
00:41:37Mmm.
00:41:38When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:44Mmm.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:49Mmm.
00:41:50Mmm.
00:41:51Mmm.
00:41:51Don't move a muscle however gorgeous.
00:41:55Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:58Mmm.
00:41:59Mmm.
00:41:59Mmm.
00:42:00Mmm.
00:42:00Mmm.
00:42:01Mmm.
00:42:01It, I did not think.
00:42:03Mmm.
00:42:05Mmm, please.
00:42:06Mm.
00:42:07Did, I, I did not think.
00:42:10I did not know theDJ.
00:42:13Mm.
00:42:15Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:20I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:40I'm fed up!
00:42:45Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:48What are you fed up about?
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:54No?
00:42:55They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:10Well, er, this is your uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:19How do you do?
00:43:21Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:23Jeremy, bed.
00:43:25I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:53Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:0250.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:14Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:23We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:24And how.
00:45:26Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:30Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:32Hey, Veronica!
00:45:33Yes?
00:45:34Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past two in the morning?
00:45:35A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:36He's going now.
00:45:37Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:50And how.
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:32Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44Well, we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Good night, love.
00:46:53Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:28I knew you'd understand.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope.
00:48:31Long me around.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey, lads.
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:25He'll see other girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:33He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:18Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:48She used to put on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad seat, this chick.
00:52:30I decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man.
00:52:35Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:56Sorry, I know, I understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Fine.
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm.
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm.
00:54:02No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I'm really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Cassinoleby.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bold.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:33Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:40Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:43But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:08Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:30Pathetic.
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50Perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Yeah.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:04I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:20Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Jeffrey?
00:59:38Jeffrey?
00:59:39Sorry.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffrey?
00:59:56Move up a bit, Jeffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:02It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quillms low road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:06Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18Get out.
01:02:18Good.
01:02:19pussy.
01:02:19Good.
01:02:20Good.
01:02:21Good Lord.
01:02:21Good Lord.
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:56Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:36Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:37I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:38Oh?
01:04:39Probably this one.
01:04:40Definitely.
01:04:41Magic in satin.
01:04:42Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:04:43Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:04:45You'd like some nice fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:04:48Oh, I don't know.
01:04:49It's a small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:14I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:02In the cot.
01:06:03I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:20Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:27Drawn five.
01:06:29So what do you think?
01:06:34I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39Whoa, didn't you?
01:06:40Whoa, didn't you?
01:06:42Hey, I'd love you.
01:06:45Go, Tim!
01:06:46Go, Tim!
01:06:47Go, Tim, go, Tim!
01:06:49Never mind.
01:06:50It's only a game.
01:06:52Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:50Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:57Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh, what's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:12What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:27The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:48I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy.
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:33What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:41I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:48The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:57Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:00The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what face do I want you to do?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:39No, I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:30Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really loveable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07There's nothing.
01:18:08No.
01:18:21There's nothing.
01:18:27There's nothing.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:43Crunch.
01:20:44I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Eh, fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely. Thank you.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:45I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's all over now.
01:22:06No.
01:22:07No.
01:22:09No.
01:22:10See, President. Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:14That was before we ever met.
01:22:16I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:20No. Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:26Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:40Oh.
01:22:42It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:52Shows we're friends.
01:22:54Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:56Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:02We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw. I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:23Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:25And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:57We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:11Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:41Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:17It's allKnock.
01:25:18Oh, yeah.
01:25:19Oh.
01:25:28I'm not degrees gömder than I am.
01:25:30AquÃ.
01:25:31When's the kickoff?
01:25:32In about three months.
01:25:34Hi.
01:25:40When's the kick-off?
01:25:43In about three months.
01:25:46Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:34Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:40You could go in goal.
01:26:44Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:08We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:25There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy!
01:28:04Fancy! Fancy!
01:28:08Fancy!
01:28:10Fancy!
01:28:12Fancy!
01:28:14Fancy!
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:38Love and rainy weather
01:29:44Love and rainy weather
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